Shitting on LGBTQ+ Texans with State Reps. Tony

Tinderholt and Rep. Bryan Slaton

Assclown Alert is a column of opinion, analysis and snark.

If the opening days of this session of the Texas Legislature tells us anything it’s to expect a months-long crusade by conservative lawmakers to punish the state’s LGBTQ+ community.

During the Lege’s second day of business, Jan. 11, State Reps. Tony Tinderholt, R-Arlington, and Brian Slaton, R-Royse City, wasted two hours in a failed tag-team attempt to tack anti-transgender amendments onto a procedural resolution setting up the House of Representatives’ rules, the HuffPost reports. One of the most absurd of those amendments would require anyone who chairs a House committee to publicly state that they only believe in the existence of two genders.

The lawmakers’ bigoted shitshow ultimately failed. House Speaker Dade Phelan, R-Beaumont, a fellow Republican, ruled that their amendments were irrelevant to the resolution being discussed, according to the HuffPost.

It’s easy to dismiss these douchebags as just another pair of grandstanding GOPers eager to pull a stunt aimed at stroking the homophobes in their base. Sadly, there are plenty of other Texas lawmakers also eager to punish the state’s LGBTQ+ community. Apparently, they’re just willing to display more patience than Tinderholt and Slaton.

Republicans have filed nearly 70 bills this session that aim to take away rights from LGBTQ+ Texans, according to the latest count by the advocacy group Equality Texas, which by now must be tired of keeping a running tally of this kind of horseshit. Incidentally, this session’s number is more than double the prior record of 33.

Predictably, a number of the bills would prevent parents from seeking gender-affirming medical care for their kids. Others seek to punish establishments that host drag shows and ban minors from any type of show featuring performers in drag, regardless of whether there’s any adult content.

Get ready for more ugliness. The session’s just getting started, and it’s a safe bet there are plenty of assclown lawmakers willing to join Tinderholt and Slaton on their crusade of intolerance and division. —

Sanford Nowlin

The San Antonio Police Department’s “hot spot” program is drawing criticism from members of city council following the killing of Tyre Nichols by a specialized policing unit in Memphis. San Antonio’s program is designed to boost policing in 28 predominantly lower-income neighborhoods across the city. “Residents across San Antonio have demanded neighborhood improvements and social services for decades rather than the criminalization of poverty,” said Councilwoman Adriana Rocha Garcia, who represents District 4.

The Environmental Protection Agency has launched an informal investigation into allegations advanced by more than two dozen environmental groups that Texas is failing to enforce the Clean Water Act. The groups, which submitted a petition to the EPA against the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality, want the federal agency to intervene to fix what it believes is the state’s insufficient system of issuing permits to control water pollution.

A person formerly incarcerated in the Bexar County Jail has filed a lawsuit alleging that he was illegally held in custody after posting bail. Michael A. Miller’s suit, filed last week in federal court in San Antonio, argues that he was wrongfully held for three days after posting a $3,500 bond last October and that others have suffered a similar fate. He’s asking for the suit to be certified as a class action. — Abe

Asher