Metro Times 06/26/2023

We received responses to last week’s cover story by Steve Neavling, “Rising costs and gentrification force locals out of Detroit’s downtown and Midtown.”

How many communities are going to be wrecked by these promises of economic gold? It all comes with a gift of a tax payer hand out then later a bail out and then an other abandoned facility.

@OpticChrissss, Twitter

The question then becomes why are there “less desirable and often neglected parts of Detroit” and what concrete plans are there to rectify this so renters are not trapped downtown to feel safe in the City of Detroit but are free to

move anywhere they wish? —Krister Ulmanis, Facebook

It used to be the richest city in the world. Is it wrong to aspire to be that again? I’m confused. Use the word gentrification right & stop using it derogatorily. It’s not a derogatory term.

—@realtorrutledge

@realtorrutledge Are people being priced out and displaced or not? Does Detroit’s latest transformation mean the same thing to all parties involved? Basically you are saying don’t question shit. Shut the fuck up because I’m benefitting.

—@heboughtmeasodaheboughtmeasoda, Instagram

Comments may be edited for length and clarity. Sound off: letters@metrotimes.com

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NEWS & VIEWS

Detroiters rally to save ‘the heart’ of city’s old Chinatown

ACTIVISTS AND A Detroit city councilwoman are embarking on a last-minute effort to halt the demolition of a historically significant building that was once “the heart” of the city’s old Chinatown neighborhood in the Cass Corridor.

The Ilitch family’s Olympia Development received a demolition permit from the city last week and plans to soon raze the dilapidated, 140-year-old building at 3143 Cass Ave. as early as Monday, when this issue when to print.

Fearing demolition could come as early as Monday, Councilwoman Gabriela Santiago-Romero requested “an emergency review” of the property and is urging city officials to “establish an interim historic designation and stop demolition.”

In a letter Friday to various city officials, Santiago-Romero said the building was “the heart” of what was historically known as Chinatown and is culturally significant to a community that was displaced from the downtown area in the 1960s.

“The (Chinese Merchants) Association, which served as a localized government of sorts with their own elected members by and from the Chinese Community, used the space as their hall, where they helped one another find jobs, practiced what we now call conflict resolution and mutual aid, and provided enrichment programs for youth and seniors alike,” SantiagoRomero wrote. “Further, the Chinese and Chinese American community would host an array of events, including those of social, educational, and religious nature, at the hall. With this knowledge, it’s unquestionable that 3143 Cass Ave. is a major contribution to the Chinatown Historic District and an undeniable part of our city’s rich history of diversity.”

Santiago-Romero concluded, “As we continue to develop and invest in our communities, I believe that the city can and should preserve our history as we write our future.”

Before the Chinese Merchants Association purchased the building,

it served various roles – a ballroom, fraternal hall, and restaurant.

ODM Management, an Ilitch-linked entity, purchased the property for $50,000 in 2004, according to public property records, and has done little to nothing to preserve the building.

In 2018, the city declared the property a dangerous building, and the city council signed off on the designation at the time. But in 2020, a separate survey for the city found that the building has a long and storied social history worthy of preservation and historic designation.

Francis Grunow, a local preservationist and frequent critic of the Ilitch family’s treatment of historic buildings, is also calling on city officials to order an “emergency review” of the property in hopes of saving it in the eleventh hour by establishing an interim historic designation.

“This is quite troubling since historic structures in this part of the Lower Cass Corridor are regularly finding new life, including the commercial strip on the

block north that contains the Peterboro Restaurant, Iconic TaSoo, and 8 Degrees Plato,” Grunow wrote to City Clerk Janice Winfrey on Thursday. “In fact, the building immediately to the north, the former home of Chung’s restaurant, was sold in May and is slated to be reopened for food and beverage service.”

Since Olympia Development received more than $400 million in tax incentives to build Little Caesars Arena and what it promised would be surrounding vibrant, adjacent neighborhoods in the Cass Corridor about a decade ago, most of the buildings have been demolished or are still vacant.

North and west of the arena, abandoned apartment buildings still dot the landscape, despite promises from the Ilitches that they would renovate them.

Late last week, crews removed windows from the building at 3143 Cass Ave. and searched for asbestos. A chain-link fence was also erected around the building.

—Steve Neavling

This 140-year-old building in the Cass Corridor was once known as “the heart” of Detroit’s old Chinatown neighborhood. Now it’s about to be demolished. STEVE NEAVLING

Theatre Bizarre 2023 is canceled

THIS OCTOBER, REVELERS will not gather at Detroit’s Masonic Temple for Theatre Bizarre, the popular Halloween party that has been held there since 2011.

In a social media post published Thursday evening, organizers said the 2023 event has been canceled due to scheduling conflicts at the venue.

“A double-booking at the Masonic Temple has made an impossible situation that disrupts much of our main floor space, including our main entrance,” the organizers wrote. “We have a contract for the space and have been pressing for a resolution for some time. Unfortunately, it remains out of reach.”

In 2019, the Masonic Temple entered into an exclusive agreement with live entertainment company AEG Presents to operate and book its two venues, the Masonic Temple Theatre and the smaller Cathedral Theatre, where comedians Nurse Blake and Chris D’Elia have been booked, respectively, on Saturday, Oct. 21.

The message continued, “The Masonic Temple has been a tremendous partner for 11 years. We are hopeful this situation will be addressed and a glorious return produced in 2024.”

Theatre Bizarre started as an underground party held near Detroit’s former Michigan State Fairgrounds in 2000 as the artistic vision of founder John Dunivant, who along with countless collaborators and volunteers created an immersive gothic carnival inhabited by characters like Zombo the Clown, the event’s mascot.

The party grew in popularity over the years largely by word of mouth until it caught the attention of city officials, who shut it down in 2010 for various code violations. Theatre Bizarre hastily

relocated to the Fillmore Theatre that year and the next year moved to the Masonic Temple, where it has drawn thousands of attendees over the course of two weekends in October.

The event was previously canceled in 2020 and 2021 due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Dunivant, a 2011 Kresge Artist Fellow, has long shunned corporate sponsorship of the event in order to retain creative control over it. He has also claimed that Theatre Bizarre is a labor of love that does not turn a profit and has previously threatened that it might not continue.

Last year, Metro Times spoke with numerous Theatre Bizarre crew members and volunteers who described a work hard, play hard culture behind the scenes. A number of longtime workers resigned that year, while others described what they viewed as a “cult”-like environment ripe for abuse. Theatre Bizarre leadership has denied many of the claims.

—Lee DeVito

R&B singer Monica jumps into crowd to stop man from hitting woman

DETROIT’S NEW RIVER-

FRONT Music Festival came to a halt on Saturday night when an altercation broke out in the crowd, causing the singer Monica to leave the stage and personally break up the fight.

Videos posted to social media show the 42-year-old singer climb down from the Hart Plaza stage after she appeared to see a man hitting a woman.

“You don’t hit no fuckin’ lady like that,” the singer said from the crowd.

After Monica was helped back up to

the stage, the crowd erupted in cheers. But the singer was visibly upset.

“I want to apologize, y’all, that shit triggered me,” she said. “I seen him punch that lady in the face, I lost my fuckin’ temper. I apologize y’all. I apologize from the bottom of my heart.”

She added, “I was gonna knock [his] ass out with this fuckin’ mic.”

The singer apologized several more times, eventually regaining her composure and continuing the concert.

—Lee DeVito

Michigan State Police delete Barbie post after outrage from… seemingly no one

I never thought I’d see the day I actually sided with the police, but it’s 2023 and here we are.

On Thursday, the Michigan State Police joined the Barbie movie hype train by posting a photo of a police officer Barbie and the caption “This Barbie is ready to serve the state of Michigan! When you join the MSP #YouCanBeAnything.”

It seemed like a harmless enough post, but apparently someone wasn’t too happy with it, as the MSP quickly reversed its tone, removing the photo. “MSP’s social media team values the contributions of our female members and out of respect for them we have removed our previous post about Barbie,” a follow-up post read.

Since everything posted on the internet becomes instantly immortal, people in the comments were quick to post screenshots of “Officer Barbie.”

Combing through the comments, it seems as though very few people took issue with the post, and it’s unclear why exactly the state police decided to remove it.

“As a woman, I saw nothing wrong with that post,” one person wrote. “Barbie has come a long way baby!”

“There was absolutely nothing wrong with that post,” WWJ anchor Jackie Paige

wrote. “We love you all @MichStatePolice

Our call to MSP’s public information line was not answered, nor was our message asking what prompted the removal returned, so we’re left scratching our heads as to why an innocuous meme caused a (seemingly manufactured) issue.

For whatever reason, right wing trolls have decided to try and cancel the Barbie movie, with Texas Senator Ted Cruz calling it “communist propaganda” (even though he reportedly hasn’t even seen it yet). The movie appears to be generating generally favorable reviews.

“Wonder if their boss got a call from Ted Cruz,” one Twitter user wrote in response to MSP’s post.

It seems like almost everyone, including Governor Gretchen Whitmer, has made a “Barbie” post to go along with the pink fever that’s been infecting the nation in anticipation of the Barbie movie’s release last Friday. (Though, the best one we’ve seen is a meme of metro Detroit’s favorite lawyer Joumana Kayrouz that says “This Barbie is always watching.”)

With that, this Barbie is taking a break from the internet.

—Randiah Camille Green

Murals in the Market retooled as Murals in Islandview

THE ORGANIZERS OF Detroit’s Murals in the Market festival have announced Murals in Islandview, a new mural festival located in and around producer 1XRUN’s new home.

The festival kicks off on Tuesday, Sept. 26 with a happy hour at the Spot Lite gallery, where people can meet the more than 20 participating artists. Other events include an artist talk and “drink and draw” event on the following Wednesday, a Murals in the Market group show and Sheefy McFly solo show that Thursday, a Gilbert Family Founda-

tion Talk and HouseParty anniversary that Friday, and a Murals in Islandview closing party that Saturday, which coincides with the wrap of Detroit’s Month of Design festival.

1XRUN launched Murals in the Market in 2015 in and around its headquarters in Eastern Market, inspired by murals festivals held across the world that invite artists to leave their mark on a city. It was named one of the top five murals festivals by Smithsonian magazine in 2018.

Murals in the Market was paused in 2020 and 2021 after a three-year grant

from the Knight Foundation ran out in 2019, and returned to Eastern Market in a scaled-down form in 2022 concentrated around two sets of murals. Even before the pandemic, 1XRUN had indicated that the future of the festival was uncertain, citing the changing nature of the Eastern Market district in recent years.

An announcement with more details for the Murals in Islandview festival is planned for 11 a.m. on Thursday, July 27 at Spot Lite.

—Lee DeVito

JOSH JUSTICE

Urban farm Planted Detroit to cease operations

A BUZZY, HIGH-TECH indoor farm that boasted it could grow produce year-round called Planted Detroit is closing its business next month, the company announced last week.

The farm opened its indoor growing facility in 2018 at 1000 Mt. Elliot St. in Detroit’s Islandview neighborhood, soon filling the 20,000-square-foot building and hiring up to 60 workers.

In a press release, the company said it is winding down its operations to close on Aug. 4.

“In the past month, Planted Detroit, like much of the [controlled environment agriculture] industry, faced investment turbulence and funding constraints,” the company said in a statement. “Despite the company’s efforts to drive sales, cut costs, and secure investments, these challenges could not be overcome.”

The farm will continue to deliver salads and greens to its customers through July 28. After that point, it will offer products by pickup only from July 31 to Aug. 4, when it plans to lay off its team of more than 40 workers.

“While Planted Detroit is still

seeking outside investors to take over operations and restore the longevity of the company, there is no guarantee of that and business decisions cannot be made based on this hope,” the company said.

Planted Detroit got attention in the media for its high-tech operation, which uses techniques like LED lights and hydroponics, or growing produce in a water-based nutrient solution rather than soil. It was founded by Thomas Adamczyk, who previously worked on mergers and acquisitions within the food industry, as well as managing investments.

Last year, Adamczyk told Crain’s Detroit Business that he had funded the business himself and hoped to raise $50 million in a combination of debt and venture capital. In another Crain’s article, the company said it had revenue of $200,000 in 2021 and expected to grow to $500,000 in 2022.

Just earlier this month, Planted Detroit was featured on CBS News, where it said it had nearly 1,500 customers and sold its products in Detroit’s Eastern Market as well as grocery store

chains like Meijer and Plum Market. It also announced plans for an expansion that would include a second farm.

Megan Burritt, Planted Detroit’s leader of business development, told CBS News that the farm’s vision was to provide food security for Detroiters.

“We see how much agriculture is

compromised by climate change and different things that are happening in the economy and we want to be a stable source of healthy, delicious food for Detroiters forever,” Burritt said. The company declined additional comment.

—Lee DeVito

16 Michigan Republicans charged with felonies in 2020 fake elector scheme

MICHIGAN ATTORNEY

GENERAL Dana Nessel has charged 16 residents in the state in the investigation into a false electors scheme following the 2020 presidential election, including Michigan GOP National Committeewoman Kathy Berden and former Michigan GOP Co-Chair Meshawn Maddock.

It is believed that these 16 individuals from all over the state met in the basement of the Michigan Republican Party’s Lansing headquarters on Dec. 14, 2020, following the election where Joe Biden was elected as president, also winning the majority of Michigan voters.

At this meeting it is believed that these individuals signed a series of certificates as the “duly elected and qualified electors for President and Vice President of the United States of America for the State of Michigan,” sending false documents to the United States Senate and National Archives saying former President Donald Trump had been reelected.

The actual Electoral College slate of 16 Biden electors met at the Michigan Capitol on Dec. 14. Some Republicans — including state Reps. Daire Rendon (R-Lake City) and Matt Maddock (R-

Milford), who is married to Meshawn Maddock — tried to enter the building, but were turned away.

There is overwhelming evidence against these 16 people, Nessel said in the news release last week.

“The false electors’ actions undermined the public’s faith in the integrity of our elections and, we believe, also plainly violated the laws by which we administer our elections in Michigan,” said Nessel.

Michigan is not alone in fake elector schemes; New Mexico, Arizona, Georgia, Nevada, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin all are looking into groups who reportedly sent fake documents to Washington in December 2020.

The actions of the 16 people charged are “unlawful” and “un-American,” Michigan Democratic Party Chair Lavora Barnes said in a statement Tuesday.

“These Republicans attempted to undermine the very foundations of our democracy, and their actions are a stain on the proud history of our state and the rule of law,” Barnes said.

Michigan has been a hotspot for Trump’s false claims of mass fraud in the 2020 election stealing the presidency from him. Nessel notes in the news release that Michigan had laid to rest

any serious challenges about the integrity of the 2020 election by the time these individuals convened, knowing full well they had no legitimate or legal avenue to reverse the will of the people in the election.

“There was only the desperate effort of these defendants, who we have charged with deliberately attempting to interfere with and overturn our free and fair election process, and along with it, the will of millions of Michigan voters,” Nessel said.

And although “democracy prevailed” Nessel said, the actions these individuals are accused of are not erased.

Michigan’s Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson added Tuesday that as the state’s chief elections officer, she is glad to hear charges have been brought against those who would disenfranchise voters in Michigan.

“As we begin to see accountability and justice for those who were part of an actionable plan to subvert the will of the people in 2020, we must also remember that we are still in the midst of a nationally coordinated effort to weaken democracy,” Benson said. “As we prepare for the 2024 presidential election, today’s charges are the first in an ongoing effort to not just seek

justice for the wrongs of the past, but to ensure they do not happen again.”

The felonies are serious charges and the burden of proof is on Nessel, House Minority Leader Matt Hall (R-Richland Twp.) said in a statement Tuesday.

“But my focus is on the Legislature. The integrity of our elections is being eroded by bad policy signed by the governor — just today — that opens the door to fraud by weakening ballot security and encourages bad actors to meddle in our elections,” Hall said of bills Whitmer signed into law Tuesday. “Republicans, independents, and Democrats should all have confidence in the security of our elections.”

The newly signed laws implement measures within Proposal 2, which Michigan voters approved in the 2022 November election, expanding absentee voting and a new tracking system for absentee ballots.

Each defendant will appear in the 54-A District Court in Ingham County for arraignment. Nessel’s office says it has not ruled out charging more individuals in its investigation.

—Anna Liz Nichols

PLANTED DETROIT, FACEBOOK

NEWS & VIEWS

don’t know where he’s at half the time.”

Although Biden won Michigan in 2020, Trump won Macomb County with 53.4% of the vote. In 2016, Macomb voted for Trump over Hillary Clinton by 53.6%. Forton said Trump would win the county again in 2024 and, like Trump, he contended that Biden prevailed in 2020 only by cheating.

“Donald Trump is the president of the United States,” he claimed. “It was a coup. They’ve got so much evidence it’s sickening.”

Lapointe

Democrats benefit as Michigan GOP is consumed by infighting and conspiracy theories

By Joe Lapointe

With 16 Michigan Republicans now indicted for multiple felonies in a scam to overturn Joe Biden’s 2020 Presidential election, GOP activists were aggressively defensive last week in the Donald Trump fortress of Macomb County.

Unlike at other Republican gatherings this year in the Great Lakes State, they weren’t fighting among themselves. Instead, they met on a balmy night in their shopping plaza storefront headquarters in Clinton Township to denounce their common enemies.

“No crime has been committed,” claimed Mark Forton, the 76-year-old county chairman. “The crime is this woman who is a socialist Democrat. And they are out to destroy the opposition. There are 16 people who are being unjustly, not just prosecuted, but persecuted.”

He spoke primarily of Michigan Democratic Attorney General Dana Nessel (who indicted the fake electors for forgery); and in general about President Joe Biden who, Forton added, is a decrepit, old man who is part of a socialist/Marxist/globalist plot to dominate the Earth.

After hosting a news conference and then running a regular meeting, Forton sat for an expanded interview with Metro Times about Nessel’s indictments.

The AG has alleged that the 16 fake Republican electors — think of them as the “Cheat Sixteen” — presented themselves on paper as legitimate and tried to illegally swing Michigan’s 16

electoral votes from Biden (who won by 50.6% of the vote) to Trump.

He said Democrats like Nessel, Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, and the Democratic-controlled Legislature in the state capital are all conspiring against both the Constitution and capitalism.

“Every Constitutional right is being violated in Lansing,” Forton said, citing the First Amendment for free speech and the Second for guns. “It’s all about socialism. Michigan is targeted to be a socialist state. It is already.”

He said laws pending in the state capital would discourage frank discussions of sex so that “If you disapprove of this transgender lunacy, it’s a felony,” referring to misinformation spreading online about House Bill 4474, which would expand Michigan’s hate crime law to include protections for LGBTQ+ people.

He defined what he said his enemies want and how they expect their victims to accept it.

“The New World Order is globalism, which is socialism, which is communism,” Forton said. “You and I will own nothing and we will be happy. If that’s not Marxism, I don’t know what the hell is. We’re going to own nothing and I guarantee we’re not going to be happy.”

He certainly was not happy about Biden.

“That lame old man, that filthy, leftwing dog,” the Macomb Republican leader said of the President. “He can’t talk. He literally can’t talk. The guy

Although Forton spoke fighting words, his demeanor was calm and composed compared to scenes at other Republican gatherings this year in Michigan. Consider, for instance, the fight earlier this month outside a county meeting at a hotel in Clare.

As one Michigan Republican said of another, “He kicked me in my balls as soon as I opened the door.”

As reported by the Detroit News, the alleged combatants were James Chapman of Wayne County (the alleged kicker, who was excluded from the meeting at a hotel in Clare) and Mark DeYoung (the alleged victim of the kick who is Clare County’s Republican Chair).

Chapman began the confrontation by repeatedly jiggling the knob to the locked door in the meeting room, it was reported. He alleged that DeYoung opened it and said “I’ll kick your ass” and swung at him; DeYoung alleged someone had provoked him through a window in the door with a finger gesture.

A slightly less violent incident occurred at the same hotel this spring when two Republican women exchanged harsh words and menacing body language in the hotel bar.

According to Bridge (and to the video recording Bridge posted online), Kalamazoo County Chair Kelly Sackett and Macomb County GOP Secretary Melissa Pehlis quarreled about the new administration of state chair Kristina Karamo, who has said she believes demonic possession can be sexually transmitted.

Might demon rum have triggered the bar fight? Pehlis, on video, shouts several times in a mocking tone of voice “By the power vested in me!” and appears to stalk Sackett about the room as others try to intervene.

“Get the fuck out of here,” Sackett advises Pehlis, who declines.

Then, Bridge reported, “Sackett appeared to knock a cigarette and phone from the hand of Pehlis, who responded by thrusting an open hand at Sackett’s head.”

In the video, a man shouts, “Now, we got a problem!”

Of course, he could have been

referring to his radical party at the county, state, and national level. In Michigan in particular, Democrats have taken advantage of Republican infighting and of public revulsion toward the Trump era to swing the state today from red to blue.

In a profile of Whitmer in the current New Yorker, author Benjamin Wallace-Wells writes: “What’s happening in the Midwest, one of Whitmer’s advisers told me, is a ‘Tea Party’ in reverse.”

As a result, Michigan’s female leaders have become high-profile party representatives for progressive causes. After Nessel indicted the fake electors, it was not Nessel who explained it on “The Last Word” with Lawrence O’Donnell on MSNBC.

Instead, it was Benson. Over her left shoulder was a wall poster of a superhero who looked a lot like Whitmer (but turned out to be Wonder Woman). It was Benson’s office that suspended Shelby Township Clerk (and Macomb Republican) Stanley Grot from election activities because he is one of the 16 indicted.

Perhaps the progressive backlash in play now is the result of a decade in which the state has been menaced by armed “militias” patrolling the Capitol building and plotting to kidnap and kill the governor.

Although the New Yorker piece centered on Whitmer, it quoted discouraged Republicans like Susy Avery, a fund-raiser in Hillsdale County, the home of Hillsdale College, a center of right-wing, Christian nationalism allied with the Republican Party.

“This time in Michigan politics is unlike anything I’ve ever seen,” she said. “It’s very challenging.”

But the well-reported story also quotes Angela Witwer, a Democratic member of the Legislature from Eaton County who now chairs the House Appropriations Committee and still sees vestiges of right-wing backlash that began more than a decade ago with the Tea Party’s angry reaction to the election of America’s first Black president, Barack Obama (who, notably, won Macomb County in 2012 and 2008).

She told Wallace-Wells that her district includes “a ton of farms and little tiny villages that are hanging out Confederate flags everywhere. ‘Fuck Biden’ flags are everywhere.”

When she decided to run for the first time in 2018, she said, she considered both parties for affiliation.

But she chose the Democrats, she said, because they were better organized.

“Also,” she added, “they aren’t crazy.”

A flag outside the Republican HQ in Macomb County. JOE LAPOINTE

Conscious Dotage dating

A silver single’s sojourn into Detroit’s online matchmaking scene by anonymous

On your first date as a senior citizen six years ago, you immediately found a match. As you re-enter the market, now well past your expiration date, you surely don’t expect that again. But you had no idea how daunting your new search would be.

Though everything that follows is non-fiction, all names have been changed to protect the author from retribution.

Like most dating sites, on SilverSingles you post a photo and profile info and answer some questions. Based on some inscrutable metrics, you’re assigned a composite number using five scales. If you believe the number is at all meaningful, you should pursue the plus-100 “matches” and avoid those rated in the 80s. You’re shown potential new matches daily — both within and beyond the geographic parameters you set. The info is easy to dismiss — the numbers aren’t based on anything meaningful to you, like how much chocolate you consume.

More than half the women on SS don’t have any photo at all! Are they looking for men who want to date them sight unseen? (I’m later told that many men on the site post profile selfies in a chair wearing undershirts. )

You soon learn to be wary of threesomes that include a dog or “dog” spelled backwards. You once drove 40 miles to meet a woman who then told you she slept with her dog! Avoid contacting any women who answer “my faith” or a deity as “something you couldn’t live without.” You can’t compete with J.C.

The first woman you meet is “Kaye,” who grew up in the same suburb as you. You meet her for selfish reasons — she is a hospice nurse; if you hooked up, you won’t have to die alone! But you are not attracted to her; she is pretty self-absorbed, plus she’s squabbling with siblings over treatment plans for her dying mother.

You next meet Betsy for lunch. She has an intriguing line of work — she’s an electrical inspector. You have to admire women bold enough to work in a male-dominated field. The encounter was fine, but without sparks. She spurned your requests for another and after a few weeks wrote to say she wasn’t interested. No big surprise. Maybe seeing you limping was more impactful than reading about it in your profile.

That’s a non-issue for the next woman you meet. Before driving to Monroe to meet Debbie, who lives near Toledo, you check out her very impressive website about the programs she’s developed and marketed to developmentally disabled kids. She’s at least your intellectual equal. You are able to talk openly and easily with her — but she also is immersed in a family squabble over a terminally ill mother! That’s sucking up all her energy — that, and her recovery from knee surgery.

Not quite so far downriver is another woman you might consider meeting. But you don’t have a good photo of Nancy; she needed her daughter to show her how to upload and send one. She was recovering slowly from surgery to implant a spinal stimulator, a device she said would enable her eventually to walk without a cane. She even bought one of your books — and assures you she wants to meet you when she’s up to it. Not sure it’s worth the effort.

Throughout the quest, you have to navigate around plenty of strange detours.

You get overtures from other dating sites you may once have

been a member or potential member of, or maybe inquired about, like OurTime (another old folks’ home), eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, and Bumble, which all dangle special offers. You also get emails from every conceivable “hookup” site: SeductiveWives, EasyHousewives, Affairs4U, Craving MILFs, OnlineAttract, CasualDesire, EroticAttraction, Spicedates, PassionDesires, WivesNow, xHousewives, Arousingflirts, FoxyCrush, JuicyHotties, SeducingDates, MilfsCity, SinfulAffairs, CasualAttaction, CasualTemptation, FreeXdates… all different flavors of the same spam. You click on unsubscribe, but they never stop!

Also, out of the blue some woman from Houston tells you she’s a “very honest, caring, family oriented, Independent, loving, romantic woman with a nice sincere heart of taking care of my own man, respect him and giving him all the love he deserves because I want a man that I can’t live without and same in return… Distance isn’t an issue when there is an honest communication.”

Then there are all the fake SS profiles. They use similar scripts: Their friend loves your profile but isn’t on SS, so they send you her email; if you then email the friend, they send a long story… and the original SS member who contacted you takes her profile off the site. (SS belatedly emails you warning you the sender can’t be verified, so don’t give out your financial info. Duh!).

For example, Elizabeth from Lansing: “I’m sorry I’ve found someone special but my friend Ann is interested in you she came across your profile when I was trying to talk her through the online dating site via my account. … She would like to learn more about you and tell you more about herself and share pictures via email. Here’s her email address…”

A variation on this game: a woman named Tina on SS. You suss out the disguised code for her email she posts, and have a dayslong frustrating exchange. She’s never married, no kids, and joined SS “to see if I can find someone who can love me for who I am … I don’t care about the age difference between us … age is nothing but numbers.”

Born and raised in Canada, but moved here to California to live with an uncle after her parents died in a car accident. Unasked, she sends three photos of her in an evening dress, and asks for pics of you.

You suggest she finds someone closer to her. She says distance doesn’t matter if you really love someone…

She wants you to download and use Telegram because she claims her phone can’t do FaceTime.

After hours of this, the next day she sends more pics then says she is out of “airtime,” asks if you can “top it off’ by sending “just a QR code” on an Amazon gift card. This all starts to seem like a losing game, and you’re just about ready to abandon the quest when an SS match hours away sends you good vibes and kind words.

Cheryl is impressed that you openly admit to being a feminist (like it should be a secret a guy keeps). After a few positive and promising exchanges on the site, she tells you she is thinking of breaking up with an immature man she is dating, then surprises you by messaging: “You have a vested interest in me ending this relationship with him. It makes you a not very objective adviser.” You realize the long-distance attraction is mutual.

She is a Ph.D. therapist, and states matter-of-factly that she

“loves easily.” You feel open and safe writing to her about anything; you seem to buoy each other up.

After you tell her the story of the recent breakup that landed you on the site, she says: “I’m very sorry you are still hurt and are grieving the loss of your last love. … You seem like a really bright and caring man. I hope you find someone worthy of you.”

You become pen pals who write daily. The guy she is with lacks empathy, and she says with a confident self-regard, “I need and deserve so much more.”

You are by nature a skeptic, but you also know from a lifetime of surprises not to rule anything out. And after all, you already seem to have a safe space to be quite open with each other. The feeling deepens after you finally have the FaceTime date you first proposed.

There aren’t any red lights you can see on the road to Cheryl. But maybe it’s a good thing she lives so far away. Meeting her might ruin a good thing by awakening you from this daydream. Besides, you each assert you’re happy living alone.

Meanwhile, more mismatched matches are presented to you daily.

Greta says she is from the Netherlands, and her husband and daughter died in a car accident. She says she came to the U.S. three years ago and now lives in Traverse City, where she works in food service.

She will be in contact only via text. But she texts and then often doesn’t reply for 30 or more minutes with no explanation. After a day or so, she sends you an email introducing herself and asking you who you are, when it’s clearly you — because who else gave her your email?

When asked about this, she says she wanted to make sure you were the you she was texting! You tell her this email plus her vanishing texting makes her the most inconsiderate person you’ve ever met online. She emails in reply: “Looking for someone I could confide in, a best friend, good times, lots of laughter and good vibes … an openminded partner … to experiment, to give and to receive. Discretion required and assured ... We should be comfortable and good company together, enjoying each other both in and out of the bedroom. I am sorry for everything. Let’s fall back together & get things rolling…”

This email is so surprising (discretion required?) that you give her the benefit of the doubt. When texting, her idioms are all wrong; probably English is her second language? But she remains opaque. One time she doesn’t respond to your text request for a real-time selfie, then after 20 minutes finally explains she can’t because she’s

in church! The next day she says her phone is damaged and asks you to help her buy a new one. When you refuse, you don’t hear from her anymore.

More contacts prove elusive. Paula lives nearby. She says too many men on SS make inappropriate sexual comments. She wants to talk by phone before you meet, so you do. It seems to go well, but afterwards she tells you she needs more time before she would consider meeting. You haven’t heard from her since. Ball’s in her court…

With Eileen, a music teacher in the Toledo area, you have a long messaging exchange on the site. You leave it up to her to recontact you, and so far she hasn’t. By this point you wonder if any of this is worth the time and effort.

Louise contacts you, asks you to call her, though she lives eight hours away. She and her late husband have been therapy clients of two friends of yours who live in the same town! Quite a coincidence, so you call. After 45 minutes in, she says she is dating a man much closer to her but wants you as a backup just in case! The conversation lasts 68 minutes; she talks for 67 of them.

Reflecting on this past five-month quest, you realize this is the longest you’ve been uncoupled in a half-century — but even so, how much effort will you keep expending? Since you joined, you’ve contacted 200-plus women on SS — either by sending a “smile,” by messaging, or by requesting a photo. It’s a lot of chasing after phantoms. Time to concede defeat?

But you are still checking out the potential matches presented daily. Most of them do not spark your interest, and most of those you contact don’t reciprocate at all.

And actually, you have come to appreciate the independence of living alone; no one’s telling you when to eat or what to do. But there’s no audience for your narrative of daily thoughts and trivial observations, either. Clearly, some part of you longs for that terrible inconvenience of attachment.

Weeks later you chuck your skepticism. You drive three hours to meet Cheryl, who you’ve done two FaceTime sessions with and believe you know very well. It’s a rainy day and when you get to the lunch spot in Ohio, you talk to her on the phone.

She says she can’t believe you’re the kind of man who wants her to drive through pouring rain and lightning and flooding to risk her life just to meet you. You’re not the kind of man she ever wants to meet. She slams down the phone, and you drive the three hours back home.

And then you join a second senior dating site a few days later…

EMPLOYMENT

Controls Integration Engineer, Milford, MI, General Motors. Gather softwr reqmts, integrate, validate, & test global conventional ICE psgr vehicle & Battery Electric Vehicle embedded electronic control units (ECUs) in Central Gateway, Body Control, Center Stack, Electronic Brake Control, Engine Control (ECM), Transmission Control (TCM), External Object Control, Memory Seat, Sensing & Diagnostic Modules, & Instrument Panel Cluster, using Soft Part Release, Dvlpmt Prgrmg Sys, Vehicle Spy, SharePoint, & IBM Rational DOORS tools, & neoVI FIRE2 hardwr. Integrate & test in vehicle released vehicle active safety softwr features incl. conventional cruise control, Super Cruise, Adaptive Cruise Control, Lane Keep Assist, Traction Control, Automatic Occupant Sensing, Electronic Power Steering, Electronic Transmission Range Selector, Heads Up Display, Electric Park Brake, Video Processing Module, & Park Assist using Vehicle Spy tool. Verify GMLAN execution in Controller Area Ntwk bus & Automot Ethernet commn protocol. Master, Automotive Syss Engrg, Mechanical Engrg, Electrical Engrg, or related. 24 mos exp as Engineer, gathering softwr reqmts, validating, & testing psgr vehicle embedded ECUs in TCM or ECM, or related. Email resume to recruitingreply1@gm.com (Ref#21192-218).

EMPLOYMENT

Feature Integration Engineer - Energy & Drive Quality, Milford, MI, General Motors. Create, execute, & evaluate manual & automated test plans & test cases for Battery Electric Vehicle (BEV) Vehicle Intelligence Platform apps from sys feature integration perspective focusing on Energy & Drive Quality (E& DQ) domain incl. High Voltage Vehicle Charging (HVVC) feature. Integrate feature at vehicle level & verify softwr apps for GM BEV (psgr car, truck & sport utility vehicle) emphasizing E& DQ embedded ECUs in Vehicle Integration Control Module, Virtual Cockpit Unit & Central Gateway Module, using ETAS INCA, Vector CANalyzer, Vehicle Spy, Dvlpmt Prgrmg Sys, & neoVI FIRE2 hardwr. Troubleshoot vehicle bench, & using dSPACE Hardware in the Loop (HIL), perform virtual Electronic Control Unit (vECU) level feature integration of Energy & Drive Quality (E& DQ) domain testing incl. HVVC feature incl. hardwr, softwr, calibration, & vehicle wiring issues. Bachelor, Mechanical, Automotive, Electrical Engrg, or related. 24 mos exp as Engineer or related, troubleshooting vehicle bench, & using dSPACE HIL, performing vECU level feature or subsys integration of feature or module testing incl. hardwr, softwr, calibration, & vehicle wiring issues, or related. Email resume to recruitingreply1@gm.com (Ref#27845-62).

EMPLOYMENT

Controller Test Engineer (CTE), Milford, MI, General Motors. Dvlp controls test plans & procedures, using automated test procedures that can be run on the Hardware in the Loop (HIL) & Software in the Loop (SIL) & in vehicles. Perform embedded Electronic Control Unit (ECU) testing on Engine Control Module, Battery Control Module & ~10 related vehicle modules, using dSPACE HIL, GM Sim (SIL), ETAS INCA, ETAS MDA, Vehicle Spy, Vector CANape, Vector CANoe, & Jenkins tools, & neoVI FIRE & Lauterbach hardwr, to verify functionality at Function, Controller & Sys levels prior to production intent release. Review & debug embedded ECU softwr in Embedded C, using MATLAB, Simulink, Git, Gerrit, Jenkins, Eclipse, IBM Rational Team Concert, following Motor Industry Software Reliability Assoc. CERT C standards & Scaled Agile Frwk. Bachelor, Electrical, Electronics, Computer, Mechanical Engrg, or related. 24 mos exp as Engineer, performing embedded ECU testing on module, using Vector CANoe & Jenkins tools, to verify functionality at Controller & Sys levels prior to production intent release, or related. Email resume to recruitingreply1@ gm.com (Ref#51255).

EMPLOYMENT

GM Financial currently has openings in these positions in Detroit, MI: Statistician II – Responsible for utilizing complex data sets to aid in the development of statistical and machine learning models for loan acquisition, credit risk, and account management strategies.

Master’s degree in Statistics, Applied Mathematics, Data Science, Operations Research or other similar quantitative field required. Academic or professional experience with statistical methodologies, scorecard development, risk management and origination and/or collection analytics; application of complex statistical principles required. Reference ST-YZ1. Cloud Engineer – Responsible for building secure cloud solutions in major public clouds such as Microsoft Azure or Amazon Web Services. Bachelor’s degree in computer science, computer information systems, or related field + 5 years of related experience required. Reference CEAG1. Send resume to recruitment@ gmfinancial.com or by mail to GMF Human Resources, 801 Cherry Street, Suite 3500, Fort Worth, TX 76102.

WHAT’S GOING ON

Select events happening in metro Detroit this week. Be sure to check all venue website before events for latest information. Add your event to our online calendar: metrotimes.com/AddEvent.

MUSIC

Wednesday, July 26

Declan McKenna 7 p.m.; Majestic Theatre, 4140 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $29.99.

JRGotTheHiTS - LIVE PERFORMANCE 6-9 p.m.; Dequindre Cut - Campbell Terrace, 1001 St. Aubin, Detroit; no cover.

Michael Franks 7:30 p.m.; The Aretha Franklin Amphitheatre, 2600 E. Atwater St., Detroit; $15-$65.

POWERMAN 5000 7 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $25.

Thursday, July 27

KIDD G 7 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $25-$45.

NeckTie?!!, Media Panic, Stacked Deck 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $10.

PBM Record Release Party & Live Video Shoot 6 p.m.; Pike Room, 1 S. Saginaw, Pontiac; $15.

Reyna Tropical 8 p.m.; Lager House, 1254 Michigan Ave., Detroit; $15.

Rose City Band 7 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $18.

The Whitney Garden Party: Carolyn Striho Group 5 p.m.; The Whitney, 4421 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $5 individual or $15 VIP reserved tables for parties of 2, 4, or 6.

Friday, July 28

Clutch, Dinosaur Jr., Red Fang 7:15 p.m.; Michigan Lottery Amphitheatre at Freedom Hill, 14900 Metropolitan Pkwy., Sterling Heights; $35-$75.

EASTSIDE ELVIS & THE MOTOR

CITY MAFIA + Open Bowling

w/ DJ Danton 9 p.m.-1 a.m.; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.

Escape Plan, Never The Crash, The Reckless Scamps, New Relatives 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932

Caniff St., Hamtramck; $12.

Foghat 2023 Road Fever Tour 6 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $35-$55.

John E. Lawrence Summer Jazz

Concert Series: Alex Bugnon 7-9

p.m.; Ford Lake Park, 7200 Huron River Dr., Ypsilanti; no cover.

Lochaven’s Farewell Show 8 p.m.; Pike Room, 1 S. Saginaw, Pontiac; $5.

Maxwell: The Night Tour 8 p.m.; The Aretha Franklin Amphitheatre, 2600 E. Atwater St., Detroit; $44.50-$125. noveltysongs, Danny VanZandt, Jade Nicole, Scotty 7 p.m.; The Loving Touch, 22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $15.

Paralandra 7:30p.m.;TheTokenLounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $15.

Patio Nights: Dan Hall 6 p.m.; Flint Institute of Arts, 1120 E. Kearsley St., Flint; no cover.

Savannah Rae: Nashville Hits the Roof! 8 p.m.; Tin Roof, 47 E. Adams Ave., Detroit; no cover.

Shop, Rock N’ Stroll Downtown Port Huron 6-10 p.m.; Downtown Port Huron, Huron Avenue, Port Huron; no cover.

Saturday, July 29

Maxwell: The Night Tour 8 p.m.; The Aretha Franklin Amphitheatre, 2600 E. Atwater St., Detroit; $44.50-$125.

16 Zips Tour ft Lokye, Nvdeem, OKiR, Rewind, Isaac Caster, and more 8 p.m.-1 a.m.; New Dodge Lounge, 8850 Joseph Campau Ave., Hamtramck; $10 advance $15 door.

AJJ 7 p.m.; The Shelter, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $25.

Analepsy, Cognitive, Wormhole, Necroticgorebeast 6 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $17. Hollywood Casino @ Greektown Presents The Greatest Love of All: A Tribute to Whitney Houston Starring Belinda Davids 8 p.m.; The Music Hall, 350 Madison Ave., Detroit; $25-$65.

Jason Mraz: The Mystical Magical Rhythmical Radical Ride 7:30 p.m.; Meadow Brook Amphitheatre, 3554 Walton Blvd., Rochester Hills; $39.50$125.

Mick Blankenship 6:30 p.m.; The Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $15.

OK Cool, The Dreaded Laramie, Easy Beach 8:00 p.m.; Lager House, 1254 Michigan Ave., Detroit; $13.

Ryan Adams 6:30 p.m.; Cathedral Theatre at the Masonic Temple, 500 Temple St., Detroit; $39-$100.

Stpehen Pearcy the Voice Of

Ratt 8 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $30-$50.

Sublime with Rome and Slightly Stoopid wsg Atmosphere, The Movement 5 p.m.; Michigan Lottery Amphitheatre at Freedom Hill, 14900 Metropolitan Pkwy., Sterling Heights; $29.50-$99.50.

The Mega 80s 8 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $20.

Yoi Toki: A Future Funk / Vaporwave party 9 p.m.; Pike Room, 1 S. Saginaw, Pontiac; $15.

Dillon Nathaniel, Sacha Robotti: See The Light Tour 9 p.m.; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $15-$20.

Soulero W/ Djs Mike Clark & Powdrblu + Open Bowling & Pinball 9 p.m.-2 a.m.; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.

Sunday, July 30

Breaking Sound Monthly Singer Songwriter Showcase , 7-10 p.m.; New Dodge Lounge, 8850 Joseph Campau Ave., Hamtramck; $15 pre-sale $20 door.

Sky Covington’s Sunday Night Jam Sessions every Sunday with band Club Crescendo 8 p.m.-midnight; Woodbridge Pub, 5169 Trumbull St., Detroit; donation.

Sonoa, Lily Bones, Goods, Death Dance 7 pm; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $12.

The sound of music sing-a-longa 3 p.m.; Orchestra Hall, 3711 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $19+.

Monday, July 31

The 24th Annual Billie Holiday Tribute performed by Sky Covington 7-10 p.m.; Aretha’s Jazz Cafe, 350 Madison St., Detroit; $35.

Poison Ruin 7 p.m.; Small’s, 10339 Conant St., Hamtramck; $15.

Tuesday, Aug. 1

Philip Sayce 7:30 p.m.; The Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $20.

DJ/Dance

B.Y.O.R Bring Your Own Records Night 9 p.m.-midnight; The Old Miami, 3930 Cass Ave., Detroit; no cover.

THEATER

The Great American Trailer Park Musical The Great American Trailer

Park Musical takes place at Armadillo Acres — Florida’s most exclusive mobile home community. Sundays, 3-5 p.m. and Thursdays-Saturdays, 7:30-9:30 p.m.; Riverbank Theatre, 358 S Water St., Marine City; $35.

COMEDY

Improv

Go Comedy! Improv Theater AllStar Showdown. $20. Fridays, Saturdays, 7:30 p.m. & 9:30 p.m. The Allstar Showdown is a highly interactive improvised game show. With suggestions from the audience our two teams will battle for your laughs. The Showdown is like “Whose Line is it Anyway,” featuring a series of short improv games, challenges and more.

Stand-up

Mark Ridley’s Comedy Castle Michael Longfellow with TJ Wharry and Donte Lillard. $20.Thursday, 7:30-9 p.m., Friday 7:15-8:45 p.m. and Saturday, 7-8:30 & 9:30-11 p.m.

Saint Andrew’s Hall Baylen Levine: The Never Grow Up Tour. $45. Monday, 7 p.m.

Beacon Park Hustle and Flow: Keep moving and feel the music alongside experienced dance instructors from N’Namdi Movement Center as they walk you through the basics of non-partner dance styles including hustle, line, and ballroom dancing. The class is open to all skill levels. Saturday, 3:30-5 p.m.

FILM

Screening

Michigan Theater Ocean Waves at Michigan Theater. Thursday, 7:30 p.m.; Saturday, 3:30 p.m.

Redford Theatre Annex Desperately Seeking Susan. Thursday, 7 p.m.

Performance art

Royal Oak Music Theatre Golden Girls – The Laughs Continue Direction by Eric Swanson, who was the co-founder and Executive Director of The Detroit Actors’ Theatre Company. The cast includes Ryan Bernier as Dorothy, Vince Kelley as Blanche, Adam Graber as Rose, Christopher Kamm as Sophia, and Jason Bowen as Stanley/Troy. The production is produced by Murray & Peter Present. $33-$102.

ARTS

Art Exhibition

Stony Creek Metro Park 3rd Annual Stony Creek Metropark Art Fair. Art fair hours are Saturday, July 29 from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. and Sunday, July 30 from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. No cover.

Cranbrook Art Museum Sonya Clark: We Are Each Other is a mid-career survey of the artist’s work with a focus on her community-centered and participatory projects. Over her twenty-five-year career, Clark has been committed to issues of history, race, and reconciliation. Clark often undertakes this exploration through everyday fiber materials—hair, flags, found fabric—and craft practices. In Clark’s work, craft and community are intertwined, and the resulting projects facilitate new collective encounters across racial, gender, and socioeconomic divisions. Through Sep. 24.

detroit contemporary Jeanne Bieri: Hide and Seek. Through July 30.

Detroit Shipping Company Disco Walls Presents: The Art of Gary Horton Gary Horton is a seasoned artist and designer hailing from Ann Arbor, who pursued his passion for fine art and design by relocating to Pittsburgh, in 1996 to study at the Art Institute of Pittsburgh. Despite being formally trained in oil painting, Gary also ventured into the realm of graffiti art through late-night explorations in train yards and roof tops. This fusion of classical and street art is evident in his murals and large-scale paintings that can be seen throughout Michigan and beyond. No cover. Through Aug. 1.

Flint Institute of Arts On Press: Women Printmakers of the Early 20th Century. This exhibition presents works on paper by female artists, from 1900 through the 1950s, who were seizing on new opportunities and laying the foundation for future generations of artists. The etchings, woodcuts, and lithographs included in the exhibition range from portraits to landscapes and genre scenes that reflect the social realities of the time. Artists in the exhibition include Peggy Bacon, Minna Citron, Lucienne Bloch, and more. Through Oct. 8.

Lawrence Street Gallery Lawrence Street Invitational ’23. When Lawrence Street members invite other artists to this once-a-year Invitational, they hope the public discovers the talent we see in these creators too. Many of this year’s artists in the Invitational have long and rich backgrounds in the arts while some are new to gallery exhibiting. Through July 28.

Library Street Collective Gary Tyler: We Are The Willing. Taken from the first lines of the motto for the Angola Prison drama club, which Tyler was president of for 28 years, “We are the willing” became an anchor for the artist, propelling him to think expansively about the potential impact his leadership could have on the shape of the drama club, where he relied on the space of performance to increase prison literacy, and for members to have a cathartic release through self-expression. Through Sept. 6.

Critics’ picks

Motor City Nightmares

SPOOKY: Michigan filmmakers Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell struck gold with their scrappy 1981 supernatural horror film The Evil Dead, which told the story of MSU students who accidentally unleash a demonic force, becoming a cult classic that made both household names and spawned a franchise that included this year’s latest installment, Evil Dead Rise. Campbell, along with lead actresses Theresa Tilly and Betsy Baker, will appear at the horror convention Motor City Nightmares to talk about their experiences making the movie. Tilly and Baker will speak on a panel about women in horror called “Queens of Screams,” with Tilly saying, “I choose to look at it that we have more strength and you know, wherever that possession or power or evilness comes from, we were not victims. Because women in horror typically are the victim, but we had an aggressive side to us. There’s something very hopeful about it.” Other guests include Raimi’s brother and actor Ted and Detroit actress Sherilyn Fenn of Twin Peaks, among others, and there will also be vendors and a “Miss Nightmare” contest.

—Lee DeVito

From Friday, July 28-Sunday, July 30 at the Sheraton Hotel, 21111 Haggerty Rd., Novi. See motorcitynightmares.com for full schedule and tickets, which start at $30 for Friday, $40 for Saturday, and $25 for Sunday.

EVS: Then and Now

CARS: No, Elon Musk did not invent the electric vehicle. Tinkerers have experimented with EVs since the 1880s, though Detroit arguably set the movement back when Henry Ford began mass-producing gas-powered cars, and National City Lines, a partnership of

General Motors, Firestone, and Standard Oil of California, dismantled electric tram networks across the country. You can learn more about early EVs at “EVS: Then and Now,” a series of events at the Ford Piquette Avenue Plant. Events include an exhibition of antique EVs from the early 1900s from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. on Friday, a discussion on Ford and Thomas Edison’s experiments in EVs at 11 a.m. on Saturday, and a panel discussion at 11 a.m. on Sunday about the future of EVs. Sunday also includes a birthday celebration for Ford’s Model T, which rolled out of the Piquette Plant for the first time in 1908, with free Model T rides from 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

—Lee DeVito

From Friday, July 28-Sunday, July 30 at the Ford Piquette Avenue Plant, 461 Piquette Ave., Detroit. See fordpiquetteplant.org/events for full schedule and tickets.

Sidewalk Festival

COMMUNITY: Meet us on the sidewalk for this grassroots festival celebrating Detroit creatives and the city’s resilient neighborhoods. Sidewalk Festival returns on Saturday, July 29 in the East Canfield Village neighborhood and Saturday, Aug. 5 in the Joy-Southfield neighborhood with art installations, live music, performance art, workshops, and community vibes. Following this year’s “Lush/Sanctuary” theme, the first weekend promises to immerse attendees in an art park and flower garden in the Canfield Consortium. Community lots will be activated by Bryce Detroit, LuFuki and Divine Providence, Sofa Stories, and more. There will also be a special cyanotype workshop in conjunction with Sonya Clark’s We Are Each Other exhibit at Cranbrook Art Museum. An architectural installation by eco-activist

and Sidewalk Artist in residence Jordan Weber will anchor the festival in East Canfield Village. Then on the following weekend, a parking lot in Joy-Southfield will bring a night market with local vendors, more workshops, and even more art. We can’t get enough.

—Randiah Camille Green

From 2-9 p.m., Saturday, July 29; 4405 Lemay St., Detroit; 4-10 p.m., Saturday, Aug. 5; 18900 Joy Rd., Detroit; sidewalkfestival.com. No cover.

Detroit Zoo’s 95th Anniversary

FUN: After a short-lived version opened in Corktown in 1883, the Detroit Zoo officially opened on Aug. 1, 1928. It was designed by Boston architect Arthur A. Shurtleff based on the practices of Heinrich Hagenbeck, a German animal merchant who advocated for enclosures without bars that resembled the animals’ wild habitats, which was a revolution at the time. The zoo is still going strong, with anniversary celebrations planned throughout the month of August. Things kick off on Tuesday, where the zoo will open an hour early at 8 a.m. with free admission for the first 95 non-member guests and a free one-way train ride for the first 995 guests. Other happenings include a concert with country music artists Hannah Ellis and Detroit’s Louie Lee starting at 6 p.m. on Sunday, Aug. 6 (tickets are $19.95), dining and membership deals, and a new collaboration with Griffin Claw Brewing Company, which has created a Celebrating 95 Years IPA for sale at the Zoo. We’ll drink to that.

—Lee DeVito

Starts at 8 a.m. on Tuesday, Aug. 1 at the Detroit Zoo, 8450 W. 10 Mile Rd., Royal Oak; 248-541-5717; detroitzoo.org. Tickets start at $14 for adults and $12 for children.

CHERYL WILLARD

A scene from the Sidewalk Festival.

PATIO BAR OPEN FRI-SUN ALL SEASON! COME GET A SLUSHIE TO BEAT THE HEAT!

MUSIC

Please Bring A Story to Share

Gashounds / Mark Paul & The Red Flags / A Rueful Noise(LANSING) / Prichard(CHI) (rock’n’roll/alt country/indie)

Doors@9p/$5cover Long Drink PROMO!

Sun 7/30 MODELO VAN PROMO @5p feat. SW FREDDY live art/sampling/swag/custom lowriders ANDY LEPARD’s BIRTHDAY BASH @9p music by: Berserker / Grand Circus

Happy Birthday, Andy!!!

Mon 7/31 FREE POOL ALL DAY

Tues 8/01 B. Y. O. R. Bring Your Own Records (weekly) Open Decks@9PM NO COVER IG: @byor_tuesdays_old_miami Happy Birthday, Ariel!

Coming Up: 8/04 Flophouse Wrestling 8/05 Parkhouse Night 8/11 Hero Jr/Electric Huldra/Angel Of Mars

8/17 DUDE/Gleasons Drift/Boomcat 8/18 Pug Fest: 9+bands(indoor&patio) 8/19 BANGERZ & JAMZ (monthly) 8/26 PATRICK DEEGAN Record Release

We Are Searching For A Permanent General Manager Contact us: theoldmiamibarjobs@gmail.com

Got a Detroit music tip? Send it it music@metrotimes.com.

Charivari celebrates 10 years: Many people know about Movement Music Festival, but less are aware of one of Detroit’s most treasured gatherings in electronic music. Charivari is celebrating its 10-year anniversary this year at the Historic Fort Wayne on Aug. 1113, and the lineup is pretty stellar with Delano Smith, DJ Minx, and Sillygirlcarmen, among others. On top of that, Charivari has an incredible series of pre-party and after-party events that will extend the celebration far beyond the three-day festival, including Thursday, July 27 at The Rabbit Hole in Ann Arbor, Saturday, July 29 at Big Pink in Detroit, Saturday, Aug. 5 at Crobar in Cleveland, and Thursday, Aug. 10 at Tangent Gallery in Detroit. Official after-parties include three nights at TV Lounge August 11-13, and two parties on Saturday, Aug. 12 at both Spot Lite and Tangent Gallery. See charivaridetroit.com for more information on the festival, pre-and-post show parties, and more. —Broccoli

Experimental techno artist MGUN drops new LP: Fueled by the mighty Archer Record Pressing, Detroit is never without a surplus of homegrown, bangin’ 12-inch records. Hold Me Recordings is the newly-minted label from Ryan Spencer and MGUN, and their first release is a double pack of raw machine music from MGUN

Local buzz

By Broccoli and Joe Zimmer

himself. From Time To Time delivers a wide breadth of soulful techno music, reaching into the corners of acid and electro as well. However, MGUN cannot be labeled by any of the innumerable electronic subgenres, and is widely regarded for making minimal techno that doesn’t sound so minimal. The tracks on From Time To Time are exclusive to vinyl, and the double-LP is widely available at all Detroit record stores, as well as international distribution online. You can hear short snippets of the tracks via the Hold Me Recordings’ Bandcamp page, or give it a spin at the listening station inside your friendly neighborhood record store. —Joe

New ambient textures, plus a newly launched label: Although it’s been a while since Ann Arbor native Laurel Halo was based in Michigan, the inspiration she takes from the music of Detroit (primarily techno and jazz) is palpable. Over the last decade, the artist has been lauded for their forays into beatless electronic production, influenced by her improvisational jazz background and love for the Detroit techno pioneers. Perhaps that is where her new single “Belleville” takes its name from – the Belleville Three, the early Detroit techno pioneers Juan Atkins, Derek May, and Kevin Saunderson. The track starts out as a one-take piano ballad, layering in synthesized vibraphone and a sudden harmony stack from rising British

vocalist Coby Sey. The album Atlas comes out on Sept. 22, and is the first release on Laurel Halo’s new imprint Awe — the same name as her NTS Radio residency. You can pre-order the album via the Bandcamp page, or other online retailers. Keep an eye on Laurel Halo’s social channels to see if a Fall tour will follow the album’s release, as both her live performances and DJ sets are awe-inspiring. —Joe

Donavan Glover and Blaaqgold take over El Club: If you’re familiar with the DJ scene in Detroit, you most certainly recognize the names Donavan Glover and Blaaqgold. Both artists have worked hard to build local followings in the city, establishing residencies at a variety of venues such as Spot Lite, TV Lounge, Deluxx Fluxx, and more, keeping things fresh with new concepts and collaborations. There are many challenges to making a living as a DJ in Detroit; biggest of all, that it’s a relatively small market that has a hard time booking the same artists more than a few times a month. Both Glover and Blaaqgold have defied the odds by consistently showing their versatility and flexibility behind the decks, and their event at El Club on Saturday, July 29 is sure to showcase just that. You never know what to expect with these two, whether it’s dance music, hip-hop, or anything in between, but whatever they end up playing this Saturday night, their chemistry is sure to shine. Tickets available on dice.fm. —Broccoli

Detroit’s

festival returns to the Historic Fort Wayne. VIOLA KLOCKO

EMPLOYMENT

Robert Bosch LLC seeks Lead Syst Eng (Mult Pos)(Farmington Hills, MI). REQS: BS or frgn equiv in Mech Eng, Electrical Eng, Electronic Eng, Comp Eng, or rel + 7 yrs prof exp w/motorcycle powertrain & Engine Mgmt Sys for internal combustion engines. Remote Work May Be Permitted. Apply online at https://www.bosch.us/careers/, search Lead Systems Engineer / Reference # 2025300

FOOD

Detroit’s new sandwich kings

Late one night last month, a friend brought up a mysterious food truck called Rando’s Sandos that allegedly didn’t have a menu. Instead, the friend claimed, one goes to its window, asks for a sandwich, and Rando’s hands over a surprise sandwich. You get what you get, no choice in the matter, according to my friend. That seemed like a wild concept and I wanted to try it, so the next day I set out to find Rando’s Sandos.

Turns out my friend’s story wasn’t exactly true. Rando’s has a menu, and one that’s pretty sorely needed in Detroit, as you could make the case that the region’s sandwich game is a bit lacking. We’re well-stocked with Jewish delis, corned beef parlors are proliferating, and the Italian sandwich shops are hard to beat, but the number of delis that trade in more than one genre are few.

Into that void steps Rando’s Sandos, a food truck with range in its rotating menu that on a recent visit offered sandwiches like a porchetta with chimichurri, deviled egg BLT, and a heart of palm “lobster roll.”

Perhaps the most superior was the porchetta, composed of pork loin

Byline Tom Perkins

wrapped in pork belly that’s slow cooked, and tender with a crisp exterior. That’s packaged between two thick slices of spongy house-made focaccia, and it’s all enhanced with a garlicky green chimichurri, an Argentine steak sauce typically also made with olive oil, red wine vinegar, onion, parsley, and/ or oregano. The oily condiment worked well with the focaccia and pig.

Rando’s is run by three friends who have varying degrees of culinary experience, and two of whom are Miami expats — Alex Lengyl, who is the boss, and Alessandro Doino, who is the head chef. The latter previously owned a restaurant in Miami’s South Beach and grew up in the kitchen at his father’s Italian restaurant, Rosinella. Chris Goldstein, a conceptual artist of sorts who is best known in Detroit for… being Chris Goldstein, calls himself “the face” of Rando’s.

They got together after talking shit about other restaurants and constantly being disappointed with Detroit’s menus, Goldstein says, and Rando’s got its start this year at Movement Music Festival. A second event, the Michigan Glass Project glass blowing party, was

a hit, though Goldstein acknowledges it helped that almost everyone there was high. We tried Rando’s at Brewery Faison in Detroit’s Islandview neighborhood.

The menu is simple — four sandwiches, all very reasonably priced. As of Randos last outing, no sides. Each of the three on Rando’s team contributes ideas and recipes, they’re in the process of developing relationships with local sources for ingredients, and they didn’t think up cutesy names for the sandwiches, which is very refreshing.

The only thing better than an egg salad sandwich is deviled egg salad paired with thick-cut bacon that Goldstien cooked low and slow for hours to give it a crisp texture. The salad was mixed with mayo, mustard, paprika, and McClure’s pickles, all of which was spread on a basic Texas toast that allows the rest of the sandwich to do its thing.

The shrimp roll is a bright flavored package made with gulf shrimp, mayo, cilantro, mint, lemon yellow bell pepper, and Old Bay on a crusty bolillo roll from Southwest Detroit’s E & L Supermercado — excellent. The heart of palm “lobster roll” had a similar vibe,

but is a warm, vegan mashup of New England and Maine lobster roll styles. I can only guess what the hearts of palm are marinated in as they possess a bit of a lobster flavor, and they’re mixed with veganaise, Old Bay, nori crumbles, celery, and red onion, while the bolillo is hit with vegan butter. Rando’s always includes at least one veg option — a recent menu with a Philly cheese steak also included a mushroom Philly cheesesteak, for example.

Goldstein notes the truck includes a flat-top grill they have yet to utilize, which means burgers are an option, and Rando’s could go any number of directions as it finds its identity and expands its menu. Check their Instagram page (@randos.sandos) for updates on where they’re parked.

Heart of palms “lobster roll,” porchetta sandwich, shrimp roll, and deviled egg BLT from the Rando’s Sandos food truck.

TOM PERKINS

FOOD

Chowhound

Is forced gratuity even legal in Michigan?

By Robert Stempkowski

Chowhound is a weekly column about what’s trending in Detroit food culture. Tips: eat@metrotimes.com.

Forcible retainers: Answering our recent call for case-makers for change in the food service industry, Chowhound reader Laura Buus came forward with questions on tips and service charges, which consumers understandably conflate into what they consider gratuities for hard-working hospitality staff. Buus’s query echoed countless many I’ve answered over the years. Now, as tip inflation and fatigue strike nerves in current food marketplace conversations, Buus bristles on behalf of a growing mob feeling jobbed over added layers of service charge and tip lines customers are feeling obliged to fill in of late.

“Is it legal in Michigan to add on a forced gratuity?” Buus wondered. Not surprisingly, Laura, the answer in legalese first requires we make some semantic distinctions. In the eyes of the law, a “tip” is a sum of money a customer decides to leave over and above billed charges, while a “service charge” (designated as such) is simply considered part of what a business bills for its goods and services. While Michigan and federal labor laws both make clear that tips belong to employees receiving

them, they do allow for service charges to be distributed as an employer sees fit, by and large. That distinction might help explain what many perceive as greedy attempts to “double dip” for gratuities; once through a “service charge,” then again via that “additional tip” line. While my experience as a restaurateur inclines me to believe the majority of service charge monies are paid out to tipped employees, the fact that we’re seeing such proliferation of mandatory service charges across a severely stressed restaurant industry makes me wonder why so many operators have taken to a practice generally considered taboo in terms of public perception. Forty years of work in the business leaves me convinced that 90% of restaurant goers take pride in tipping to standard or above. Feeling the need to enforce their generosity rings false in my opinion, due to the PR risk of offending customers which, clearly, has come as a consequence. That so many food businesses seem willing to take that risk speaks — also in my opinion — to desperation for increased revenue and the dire straits restaurants find themselves in these days.

Laura’s follow-up question voices some understandable concern: “Who gets to keep it (the service charge)?” Where it all goes, who knows? All I

can tell you is where “tips” can’t go by law, and that’s into the pockets of owners, managers, and staff supervisors. If any monies marked on tip line receipts are collected and kept to any degree by people holding those positions (save for card payment processing fees), the tipped employees working under such conditions would have a legitimate beef. But again, monies collected as mandatory service charges belong to the business, and may be distributed at the discretion of ownership. On that note, I’d love to hear from some servers and operators out there whose workplaces have implemented these charges. What’s your take, and how is it working out for everyone concerned?

The final answer to your first question, Laura, is yes: It is legal to add on a mandatory service charge. Don’t see it as a gratuity your server gets. It may or may not be, which makes leaving that tip line blank something more to consider (odd, though, when listed as “additional tip,” which I’ve noted on occasion). During my days as a restaurateur, tips and service charges were all the same to me. I never touched them. There were no costs of business I could justify having servers pay with money customers assumed was theirs to keep.

Lastly, Laura, you asked: “What if someone refuses to pay that addition?” Honestly, the last thing I’d want to do is haggle over that at the end of a meal. I’d suggest finding out if service charges apply at a place prior to eating there. At dinner with a friend recently in Greektown, our server informed us of the place’s service charge policy when we sat down. I’m good with that, and I think restaurants might do well to adopt that practice going forward. It makes everything feel above board. And restaurateurs, please note: In Ms. Buus’s email to me, she twice used the term “forced gratuities,” rather than “service charges.” Perception is reality, and choice is a crucial aspect of appeal to the consumer. For generations, restaurant goers have generally had the choice of how to tip. Changing the game across the board here seems like risky business. Will it pay off? We’ll see. Personally, I don’t feel the practice of tipping was broken or in need of this fix. To the contrary, generosity took an upswing during the COVID-19 pandemic. Granted, maybe it’s come down to Earth some since. Still, I don’t think what ails the restaurant industry these days can be cured by a forced shot in the arm that comes at the expense of insulting a public whose generosity seems suddenly called into question. Already, the backlash appears considerable.

As a Band-Aid on food businesses bleeding money these days, service charges may or may not stem the tide of restaurant casualties sweeping across the industry. Operators offer various reasons for them; some transparent, citing “living wage, employee healthcare contributions,” and even one case of flat-out lousy “industry conditions,” that I’m aware of. Even so, it makes me question why an entire segment of the economy is turning to, essentially, a 5-10% added tariff on all its goods and services. When I remember how slim the profit margins are to begin with, it makes more sense. Innkeepers can’t afford to absorb any more costs and still make a living. In so many cases, it’s come to that.

Consumer questions regarding mandatory tipping and/or service fees can be addressed to:

The Michigan Attorney General Consumer Protection Division

P.O. Box 30213

Lansing, MI 48909 517-335-7599 (toll free): 877-7658388

Online complaint forms available at: michigan.gov/ag/consumerprotection

See also: Fair Labor Standards Act (FSLA), Payment of Wages and Fringe Benefits Act 390 (1978).

Buddy’s Pizza in downtown Detroit adds a 20% gratuity to the bill.

JOE LAPOINTE

FOOD

He later added that the show producers do small things to sabotage contestants. He said there was supposed to be a pot of already boiling water on the stove in the Chopped kitchen since the chefs only have 30 minutes to cook, but his pot was turned off and he didn’t check it before he started cooking.

No matter, as his well-seasoned goat got him through the round.

Finally, in the top two, Anani and Chef Jill Vedaa from Lakewood, Ohio, were tasked with making a dessert from a root beer float, frozen cherries, pita chips, and buckeyes.

Anani made an Egyptian milk pudding called mahalabia, a dish he grew up eating and has cooked many times. In the end, he bested the Ohio chef in the Michigan vs. Ohio showdown, though he humbly told the judges it didn’t matter who won because they’re both good chefs.

“It’s funny, they tried to get the chefs to talk shit about each other for the drama on TV,” he tells Metro Times. “But as you saw, we didn’t. These are all James Beard chefs, and we all genuinely love each other.”

Love it or hate it, Black Cherry Vernors is back

LAST YEAR, FOR the first time in 50 years, Vernors released a new flavor — “Black Cherry Ginger Soda.” At the time, the company said it would be a limited-edition product, but come July 24, Vernors Black Cherry will make the rounds in Michigan and the Toledo area once again.

Market development manager for Keurig Dr Pepper in Holland, Beth Hensen, confirmed the re-release date to the Detroit Free Press . Keurig Dr Pepper owns the Vernors brand.

Omar Anani scores a victory on Chopped: American Showdown

CHEF OMAR ANANI is now officially the “King of the North.”

The Detroit chef and James Beard nominee, acclaimed for his Moroccan bistro Saffron De Twah, won his episode of Chopped: All American Showdown last week, beating chefs from Ohio, Minnesota, and Iowa.

Chopped: All American Showdown is a competition amongst 16 chefs from around the U.S., who compete in their respective regions: North, South, East, and West. The winners of each region will battle it out for a $50,000 prize in the finale.

Anani, who was the star attraction at a watch party in Detroit last Tuesday, didn’t just win the Northern episode. He did it with a smile and demonstration of his warm-hearted nature.

It wasn’t entirely smooth sailing, however.

In classic Chopped fashion, the contestants are given a box of ingredients that seem like a hodgepodge of random stuff from a ransacked food pantry.

In the first round, the chefs were given lake perch, corn on the cob, Krin-

gle, and salted egg yolk paste, whatever that is. The judges kept saying “It’s so American!” about everything, which became an annoying tagline. You can go ahead and revoke my “American” card because I’ve never eaten Kringle or salted egg yolk paste — and I’m not looking to change that.

Anani whipped up a grilled corn salad and fried perch with Moroccanstyle dressing. In a strange nitpick, the judges criticized the plate he chose, but his corn salad nevertheless won them over.

In the second round, the chefs were given a deep dish pizza, lamb shoulder, Idaho potatoes, and Greek dressing, which Anani turned into goat meatballs with vinegar and raisin potatoes. His potatoes were extremely undercooked, but it wasn’t just him. All three chefs served nearly raw potatoes to the judges.

“In my defense, you’ve all had the potatoes from the restaurant and you know they’re good!” he told the crowd at the Eastside Community Network watch party Tuesday night.

Anani has been nominated twice for a James Beard Award but came up short of winning both times. He doesn’t see it as a loss, however, as he continues to spread good vibes and feed the eastside Detroit community where Saffron De Twah is located through his Saffron Community Kitchen program.

“Two, three years ago at the James Beard Awards when I didn’t get a medal, I was like the sad puppy in the corner,” he tells us. “This last year I didn’t get a medal but I was happy as a clam. I wasn’t going there for an award. I don’t need an award to validate who I am or how good I am at what I do.”

He tells his supporters that competing on the show wasn’t about winning, either. It was about raising money for the community kitchen.

The Saffron Community Kitchen has given out more than 110,000 free meals since Anani launched the project during the pandemic in 2020. The restaurant is fundraising for the initiative so they can provide more than 900 free meals to Detroit youth this summer and build a community fridge for grab-and-go plates for those in need.

At present, to receive a free meal, residents have to come into the restaurant and ask for one, which can be embarrassing. The community fridge aims to make the program more accessible.

Chopped: All American Showdown airs at 8 p.m. Tuesday nights on Food Network and Hulu+Live. The finale, however, won’t come for another several weeks.d chefs.

—Randiah Camille Green

Buzz around the re-release first started on a post on the ”Vernor’s Club Facebook page” earlier this month announcing its return at “the end of July 2023 — or August 2023.”

The new flavor has been met with mixed reviews ranging from “delicious” to a “rip-off [of] (Faygo) Rock & Rye or a dose of liquid cough syrup.”

Vernors was developed in Detroit in 1866 by pharmacist James Vernor, which might explain why the ginger ale has earned a reputation as a sort of cure-all elixir. While we grew up drinking the Detroit-made ginger ale any time we got an upset stomach, it probably doesn’t actually have any medicinal properties, since real ginger is no longer part of the recipe.

The Detroit connection also explains why the Black Cherry flavor was apparently such a hit in Michigan, but we still haven’t forgiven Vernors for using the word “soda” instead of “pop” on the Black Cherry packaging. They should know better.

Vernors Black Cherry will be available in 12-packs of cans, two-liter bottles, and 20-ounce bottles.

According to Freep, it will be available until October, just like last year.

—Randiah Camille Green

Chef Omar Anani.

RANDIAH CAMILLE GREEN

WEED

Onceravaged Ypsi landmark sees new life as a dispensary

MICHIGAN DISPENSARY chain Quality Roots is opening a new location at a Ypsilanti landmark, hoping to promote historic preservation and racial equity. With a $2 million renovation project underway, the company has transformed a place on Ypsilanti’s Dangerous Buildings list into a fully operational cannabis dispensary, set to open in late July.

The building, a 101-year-old former Farm Bureau property/Frog Island Brewery, had fallen into disrepair, with six feet of standing water in the basement and numerous broken windows. Quality Roots saw an opportunity to breathe new life into the historic structure at 2 West Forest Avenue, even while maintaining its architectural charm.

“This building represents the past, present, and future of Ypsilanti. We’ve preserved much of the historic aspects of the building — like the signature tower and silos and the exposed brick walls. It’s as rustic as it gets. We’ve refurbished the building, but we haven’t depleted it,” Quality Roots CEO Aric Klar said in a news release. “We’re also planning to commission a local artist to paint a mural on the tower behind the building, right under the words ‘Ypsilanti Farm Bureau Grain Feed,’ which will pay tribute to the history of the city.”

Ypsilanti’s recreational marijuana regulations require retailers to secure permits through the state’s social equity program, which is designed to encourage participation in the marijuana industry by people living in one of the 184 Michigan communities disproportionately impacted by marijuana arrests and incarcerations.

Klar joined forces with Ypsilanti social equity advocate Jeff Guyton and real estate firm Farbman Group to proactively create opportunities for lo -

Judge strikes down Highland Park ordinance

DON’T EXPECT TO buy legal recreational weed in Highland Park anytime soon.

Just before the city was expected to begin issuing licenses for dispensaries to open, Wayne County Circuit Judge Susan Hubbard struck down the Detroit suburb’s controversial marijuana ordinance.

Hubbard ruled that Highland Park’s ordinance violated the Michigan Zoning and Enabling Act because city officials failed to get approval from the city’s Planning Commission to create eight zones where cannabis businesses were permitted to open.

operation in the city. Those applications are no longer valid, according to Judge Hubbard’s ruling.

Highland Park Councilwoman Kallela Martin, who was elected in November, had pushed for amendments to the ordinance to address the zoning problems, but Mayor Glenda McDonald vetoed every attempt to change the law.

cal Black entrepreneurs in the cannabis industry.

The new location, which will be Quality Roots’ seventh dispensary in the state, is located adjacent to Eastern Michigan University, Downtown Ypsilanti, and Depot Town.

Jonathan Klar, COO of Quality Roots and an EMU graduate, expressed his excitement about the location.

“We’re at that perfect tripoint, which is the perfect representation of our company,” he stated in the release. “We’ve cultivated one of the largest cannabis menus in the state, and the new store will be no exception. We’re excited to bring the prices we offer to the whole community of Ypsilanti and its surrounding areas, to continue to hire local talent, to prove ourselves, and become the new go-to shop in the city.”

—Layla McMurtrie

CQ hits market

SOON, A POPULAR cannabis-infused drink brand will be available in the Great Lakes State.

Cannabis Quencher (CQ) of California announced a Michigan expansion this month through a partnership with Emerald Canning Partners, which counts local brand Blake’s Hard Cider founder Andrew Blake as an investor.

“The Michigan market is thirsty for high dose alternatives to add to their ever increasing cannabis beverage selection and CQ has been the perfect partner to do that with!” Blake said in a statement.

The first product the company will launch here is its “fan favorite” 2-ounce “shots,” which contain

“The city failed to comply, as it admitted, with the strict requirements and procedures set up in the Zoning and Enabling Act,” Hubbard said. “Therefore the court is invalidating the ordinance.”

Highland Park activist Robert Davis filed the lawsuit in May, alleging the past city council created the zones to benefit donors who had property in those areas.

“The former members of the city council, certain businesses, and some shrewd elected officials attempted to push through an illegal ordinance to help themselves get rich through this unlawful process,” Davis tells Metro Times. “Now that Judge Hubbard has properly invalidated the entire ordinance, the city leaders can go back to the table and do it the right away and do it in a way that isn’t benefiting certain individuals and groups.”

Highland Park received 15 applications from potential businesses that wanted to open a dispensary or grow

100mg of THC in flavors like Tropical Mango Agua Fresca, Strawberry Lemonade, and Nighttime Berry & Lime.

“CQ’s shots are sure to delight Michigan residents, as they are perfect for sipping or mixing into flavorful mocktails to be enjoyed at a picnic on Belle Isle or a backyard BBQ in Kalamazoo,” the company says in a press release.

We’re not sure we agree with calling these drinks “mocktails,” as 100mg of THC will get you high — unless you consider cannabis-infused beverages to be “California sober.” One reviewer described the high as roughly equivalent to that from a glass of wine.

Emerald Canning Partners has previously released cannabis-infused beverages like its house brand Highly

The future of a recreational marijuana program in Highland Park now hangs in the balance. A majority of the new city council members have expressed support for an amended ordinance, but it wasn’t immediately clear whether McDonald plans to continue vetoing those efforts.

Metro Times couldn’t reach McDonald for comment.

Davis contends McDonald is abusing her veto authority and says he will take legal action if she continues to block future efforts to create a new ordinance.

“This mayor has no clue what she’s doing,” Davis says. “She shouldn’t even be mayor. It’s unfortunate that when you put incompetent, unqualified individuals in elected positions, this is what happens.”

Supporters of recreational marijuana point out that the legal weed market has the potential of injecting several million dollars in new taxes every year to Highland Park, which is on the verge of bankruptcy and can’t pay its water bills. If the city fails to create a new ordinance, they say, residents will miss out on critical services.

—Steve Neavling

Casual seltzers and Pleasantea iced teas.

The Michigan CQ launch follows expansions into Massachusetts and more recently Illinois.

“Based on the overwhelming feedback and great sales in Illinois, it is clear that the midwest digs our potent shots and delicious sodas — we can’t wait to hear Michigan’s feedback firsthand,” founder Kenny Morrison said in a statement. “It’s a legit cannabis market, Michiganders know weed and know what they like. We definitely want to win them over.”

The CQ products can be preordered via emeraldcanningpartners. com and will be available in late July, the company says.

—Lee DeVito

COURTESY PHOTO

Artists of the week

These two Detroit artists are manifesting liberation from the climate crisis through collages

By Randiah Camille Green

Plants and mushrooms are the ones that will purify the earth as human beings continue to fuck it up.

“Even where you have sites of ecological disaster all around Detroit, you have these mushrooms, mullein, milkweed, and plantain that show up to do the job of getting the earth back on track,” says artist Halima Afi Cassells. “It happens in our backyard, it happens in our driveways, and people are often taught these are weeds that need to be killed, but they’re superfoods that are helping us.”

Cutouts of these plants and fungi sprout from behind the windows at Room Project, creeping toward altars of bullets, dried flowers, and other discarded objects in a collaboration between Cassells and Shanna Merola. Titled Swan Song, the installation combines collage and sculpture as it examines the havoc wreaked by colonialism and the climate crisis.

Swan Song debuted in the Museum of Contemporary Art Detroit’s Mike Kelley Mobile Homestead earlier this year and has now found a home in the New Center coworking space’s window.

Swans recur throughout the installation as a metaphor for status, perceived beauty, and a sweet song just before

bursting into flames to re-emerge from the ashes like that annoying phoenix reference people keep making about Detroit. In Greek mythology, the mute swan is thought to sing a beautiful song right before it dies.

Apparently, swans are considered the “Queen’s Bird” and according to a centuries-old law, the current British monarch owns all the swans in England, too.

“It’s the most crazy conception of power and control. How do you think you own them?” Cassells says about the royal family’s weird swan rules. “Land ownership is just as bizarre. It was here way before us and it’ll be here way after. Then, the swan is seen as a creature of beauty, grace, aggression, and loyalty [because] they mate for life. So all of those contradictions are inside of one motif and the [King] of England owns it all.”

The tile is also a nod to Belle Isle’s original name, “Wahnabezee” or “Swan Island” as the Anishinaabe people called it pre-colonization.

“Halima and I have been working together for a few years now, collaborating on projects at the intersection of ecological crisis and disaster capitalism,” Merola says. “We are also

interested in studying countries that have liberated themselves from colonial rule, and constitutions that have acknowledged the ‘rights of nature.’ In Swan Song, we wanted to highlight the conditions of neighborhoods living in the shadow of heavy industry while acknowledging the contributions of frontline communities to environmental justice movements.”

The pair plan for the exhibit to travel to different spots along the St. Lawrence Seaway, which was erected to allow ships to travel between the Atlantic Ocean and the Great Lakes. New York’s Love Canal, where chemical dumping led to mass contamination of the area’s soil and groundwater in the late 1970s, is among one of the seaway’s ports.

“So is Cleveland, Toledo, and Detroit,” Cassells adds. “If you look at Lake Erie, all the invasive algae and invasive mussels come from the Atlantic and all the ships. At one point they dug up the river around Belle Isle so that even larger ships with heavier loads can come through, distributing the spawning ground for sturgeon which have been in the Great Lakes for 150 million years. This is a total disregard for the natural environment just for the sake of more crap that most people don’t actu-

ally need that will end up in a landfill or incinerator.”

Water preservation is a huge theme in another collaborative exhibit by the two artists, Solvent, which is at The Gallery of Revolution in the James and Grace Lee Boggs Center. Solvent “invokes the world between memory, history, collective storytelling, and liberation at the water’s edge,” the exhibition statement reads.

Similarly to Swan Song, it incorporates foraged materials, rocks, shells, and photo collages made by the artists both individually and collectively. Lotus flowers, pearls, and mussels appear throughout the work. The centerpiece is a tribute to Detroit activists Lila Cabbil and Charity Hicks, who fought for low-income families getting their water shut off by the City of Detroit.

“Solvent is a play on words with being liquid and being able to move how you want to move,” Cassells says. “So many words that relate to water also deal with commerce and deal with these systems but how are we really protecting water and paying homage to those who do the work of protecting water?”

Swan Song and Solvent feel twofold. They’re both a critique and a homecoming to an ancestral relationship with the earth.

For exhibits that dredge up disdain for such depressing things as latestage capitalism, the prioritization of corporations over people, and the destruction of our natural world, they’re uncannily beautiful. Tables decorated with golden ceramic swans and ornate dishes full of shells feel like an elaborate scene from the queen’s living room. Inside Room Project, a wicker chair (like the ones our fly aunties used to pose in) sits in front of a portal into another dimension where we can reunite with the stars.

As Cassells says, “It’s a throne that anybody can assume.”

Cassells is a 2023 Kresge Artist Fellow and Merola is a Gilda Snowden Emerging Artist awardee.

Where to see their work: Swan Song is up until Sept. 30 at Room Project; 6513 Woodward Ave., Detroit as part of the “Our Craft of Care” series curated by Cyrah Dardas. Though the space is not open to the public, the installation is mostly located in Room’s front window. A closing conversation is set for September 22 at 7 p.m.

Solvent is on display until Sept. 30 at The Gallery of Revolution inside the James and Grace Lee Boggs Center; 3061 Field St., Detroit. Hours are Monday and Wednesday through Saturday from 10 a.m.-2 p.m.

Solvent plays homage to Detroit water warriors Charity Hicks and Lila Cabbil.

RANDIAH CAMILLE GREEN

CULTURE

and references specific episodes often, despite not even being born yet when the series aired in 1985.

While the show is touring nationally, the entire cast is either from or currently living in metro Detroit, and the show’s director Eric Swanson is the executive director of the Detroit Actor’s Theatre Company.

“We really, really lucked out that we were able to find all the talented people that we needed right in our own backyard,” Kelley says.

Unlike Kelley, who has been impersonating women in plays and musicals for years, the rest of the cast was fairly new to putting on makeup, wearing wigs, and walking around in heels. So at first, they all came to him for advice.

But now, the actors have all got it down to a science.

Each show night at 7 p.m., the boys get together, listen to ABBA, and are quickly ready by 7:50 for the show at 8.

Often, they are nervous that this crowd may be the one that thinks their impressions are a little too off base and chaotic for the timeless television series.

“Every new city I feel like ‘OK, is this gonna be the time that they’re, like, really upset that we’re messing with the formula, messing with the magic?’” Fortunately, that hasn’t been the case, he says: “Everyone’s just been so, so responsive. Just eating it up.”

While the show is probably only appropriate for adults 18 and up, Kelley says (mostly) everyone else should come out and see it.

Blanche and Rose start a sex app Golden Girls tribute starring Michigan actors comes to Royal

Oak

A modern-day spin on The Golden Girls with a director and actors from Michigan is touring nationally, slated to be at Royal Oak Music Theatre from July 27-30. Golden Girls: The Laugh Continues features Sophia, Blanche, Rose, and Dorothy dealing with raunchy current issues.

Vince Kelley, who plays Blanche Devereaux in the show, says his favorite storyline is when Blanche and Rose create a sex app. “It’s like Grindr but it’s for senior citizens,” he says. Other highlights include Sophia getting

By Layla McMurtrie

busted for making drugs and Dorothy engaging in a romance with a much younger man.

Since Kelley has been working with the production company Murray and Peter Present for five years, they allowed him to choose who he wanted to play. “I just love Blanche because the impersonation is a little easier. You get to do this dramatic southern drawl,” he says. “I like that Blanche is often the butt of the joke, but she doesn’t ever get upset… she’ll be the first one to poke fun at herself and she just doesn’t

really let she doesn’t let things bother her. I’m very much like that. I like to roll with the punches and I’ll be the first one to laugh at myself.”

Kelley, who is the oldest cast member, has been watching the show himself since he was just four or five years old and would ask his grandmother to put on “the old lady show.” For him, starring as Blanche is a dream come true. The cast also includes Ryan Bernier as Dorothy, Adam Graber as Rose, and Christopher Kamm as Sophia, who is an even bigger fan of the show

“If you don’t enjoy laughing, don’t come,” Kelley says. “I’ll say that, like don’t even bother coming — I would rather not have you there because there’s something wrong with you. Don’t let men in wigs deter you from coming.”

The show does offer a lot of Easter eggs that die-hard fans of The Golden Girls will recognize, but the performance can be entertaining for all.

“The Golden Girls, while they do represent older white women, they have multi-ethnic fans. Everybody loves the Golden Girls, everybody from every different walks of life. It’s multi-generational,” Kelley says. “They are kind of like this special group of ladies who really brought a lot of different people together and I think that’s been super cool to see it play out like that nationwide.”

Golden Girls: The Laughs Continue runs from Thursday, July 27-Sunday, July 30 (show starts at 7 p.m. ThursdaySaturday and 1 p.m. on Sunday) at Royal Oak Music Theatre, 318 W. Fourth St., Royal Oak; royaloakmusictheatre.com. Tickets $33-$102

The cast of Golden Girls: The Laugh Continues.

Murray and Peter Present

CULTURE

From vision to reality

Inaugural MAP Fest brings Detroit’s creative forces together for a day of art and entertainment

By Layla McMurtrie

The Detroit art scene is a community like no other, and the upcoming inaugural MAP Fest could be proof of that. The event’s name is an acronym for “music, art, and poetry,” three driving creative forces that organizers hope to bring together on Saturday, July 29 at Avalon Village.

“Art is the way of expressing for the people. When you think of music, art, and poetry, just all of them being together in one space, there is no medium or person that can’t be reached,” MAP Fest Founder Koron Wilkerson says.

From 2-9 p.m., the festival will offer activities for all ages including games, food trucks, more than 30 vendors, two music stages, a poetry stage, an art stage, a basketball game, and a handson community art exhibition.

“We’ve been doing events for four years and we literally only have had loving, positive, really great feedback and interactions with all of the people who come,” Wilkerson says. “I think this is going to be an amplification of that with how many people we expect to be there.”

MAP Fest is just another way for

Wilkerson to raise the noise surrounding Detroit talent. He does a lot in the city already — he’s a musician who founded Jewels of Detroit and Rock Local Entertainment Cafe. So, when he met fellow Detroit creative Anthony Young Jr., who goes by AyeWhy, and the pair started discussing their common goal to host festivals, everything quickly fell into place.

As a triple threat musician, visual artist, and poet himself, Young was a big part of the vision. Now, he serves as a head director for MAP Fest and looks forward to seeing his idea coming to fruition.

“I can’t say I’m most excited about the music, the art, or the poetry, I just really want this vision to be accomplished and really cover everything that the city of Detroit is looking for,” Young Jr. says. “I know this festival is really gonna be a lot different than any other things that Michigan has seen so I’m just really excited to see it all come together.”

MAP Fest is sponsored by cannabis companies JARS and Jeeters, and partnered with entertainment company CrowdFreak, local nonprofit organization We Are Culture Creators and com-

munity nonprofit space Avalon Village.

“A large portion of the proceeds are going directly to Avalon Village, they’re a nonprofit that does tremendous, tremendous, tremendous works with the youth of our city,” Wilkerson says.

Having worked with Avalon Village previously for volunteer work, Wilkerson asked them in March or April if they would allow him to throw a festival there — and luckily, they were very down.

“It’s a beautiful, beautiful space,” Wilkerson says. “Just kind of being over there as an event promoter, as a party thrower, you just can’t help but to wonder what it would be like to see the place packed and full of people.”

Unique to other music festivals, MAP Fest will also be hosting a live basketball tournament where all of the main organizations involved will be competing.

“The Jewels of Detroit will be going against the CrowdFreak team and the Culture Creators team as well,” Wilkerson says. “We’ll have all of the entities that were involved in putting on the festival put together their best basketball guys, come out on the court and

shoot some hoops.”

If this year goes well, Wilkerson, Young and other organizers hope to make the festival an annual event. “I want this to be something that the community can look forward to and know that this is an event that’s going to happen each summer and everybody just puts it on their calendar like something like Rolling Loud but for Michigan,” Young says.

For people who are into nightlife, there will be an afterparty hosted at Rock Local Cafe continuing the day with more art in a smaller setting, as well as viewing of a boxing match. Wilkerson is excited for all of it.

“I’m really expecting a certain genuine energy that you don’t really see at first time festivals,” Wilkerson says. “We had very mild expectations for our first year and we are already surpassing them in every regard… it’s a really good feeling and it gives me the feeling that this event is going to be very special.”

From 2-9 p.m. on Saturday, July 29 at Avalon Village, 32 Avalon St., Highland Park; themapfest.com. Tickets start at $15 and are available at eventbrite.com.

MAP Fest will happen at Avalon Village in Highland Park.

COURTESY OF KORON WILKERSON AyeWhy will perform at MAP Fest. COURTESY OF ANTHONY YOUNG JR.

CULTURE

Fire from the gods

By Cliff Froehlich

Oppenheimer

Rated: R

Run-time: 180 minutes

Christopher Nolan bases his ambitious biopic of J. Robert Oppenheimer (Cillian Murphy) on a Pulitzer Prize-winning account of his subject’s life, American Prometheus, and the physicist’s shaping hand in the creation of the atomic bomb undeniably qualifies as the modern equivalent of stealing fire from the gods. Although Oppenheimer is spared Prometheus’ physical punishment for that hubristic act — his liver remains safe from endlessly recurring consumption by an eagle — the film devotes much of its three-hour running time to the non-corporeal forms of retribution he suffers: the U.S. government’s Cold War-era accusations of Communist Party membership and possible Soviet spying, and his own escalating concern over the world-annihilating capacity of the weaponry he helped birth. American Prometheus’ subtitle is “The Triumph and Tragedy of J. Robert Oppenheimer,” and Nolan places equal emphasis on both aspects, inextricably entwining them throughout the film.

Given Nolan’s persistent interest in the manipulation of time and space — it’s a central feature of several of his films — the director seemed almost fated to chronicle Oppenheimer’s insights into theoretical physics and their eventual practical application in the A-bomb. Characteristically, Nolan chooses to tell his story in nonlinear fashion, relating the key events in Oppenheimer’s life largely (if not entirely) in chronological order but interweaving them with two other narrative strands — labeled “Fission” and “Fusion” — whose intimate connection is only slowly clarified.

The first concerns the 1954 hearing to determine the renewal of Oppenheimer’s security clearance, where the allegations of his “treasonous” behavior are aired. The second recounts his contentious relationship with Atomic Energy Commission Chairman Lewis Strauss (Robert Downey Jr.), which

begins when Strauss offers Oppenheimer the directorship of Princeton’s Institute for Advanced Study in 1947 and culminates in Strauss’s 1959 Senate confirmation hearing as commerce secretary. Nolan helps audiences negotiate this labyrinth by shooting the Strauss “Fusion” sequences in luminous black-and-white, but the film rivals Wes Anderson’s recent Asteroid City in its daunting structural complexity.

In fact, what’s most remarkable about Oppenheimer — among an array of superlative achievements — is its refusal to simplify, its trust in the audience’s intelligence. That faith may ultimately prove misplaced — recent events amply demonstrate that the American public’s historical and scientific ignorance shouldn’t be underestimated — but I can’t help but admire the film’s bracing assumption of our collective knowledge of physics (or at least its basics), events in the Spanish Civil War and World War II, the Red Scare hysteria, and Cold War nuclear politics. Partially constructed as a thriller — focused on revelations about Oppenheimer’s postwar tribulations — the film nicely delivers on that superficial level, but it operates more as a rich psychological case study, exploring its subject’s interior thoughts. Nolan actually shows us occasional flashes of what the younger Oppenheimer sees in his mind’s eye: abstract swirls of cosmic matter that serve as precursors to the Trinity test’s disquietingly beautiful atomic detonation. Later, after the U.S. government drops bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the film reflects Oppenheimer’s

increasingly distressed viewpoint — what exactly has he wrought? — by having backgrounds sometimes subtly vibrate and threaten to fracture, and he twice sees nightmarish visions of flesh melting.

Longtime Nolan collaborator Cillian Murphy exquisitely conveys the anxieties and complicated emotions of Oppenheimer, to whom he also bears an uncanny physical resemblance. Instead of the typical hagiographic treatment, the film and actor never heroicize or sanctify Oppenheimer — he always remains condescending, wilful, capricious, and self-sabotaging. At his first meeting with Oppenheimer, Manhattan Project Director Leslie Groves (a predictably terrific Matt Damon) offers a succinct and entirely accurate summation of his flaws, and Murphy bravely foregrounds rather than disguises those attributes. Because of Oppenheimer’s prickly behavior and often opaque motivations, we never warm to the character but instead come to admire him only grudgingly.

Nolan takes a similarly sophisticated approach to the many other players in his drama: In a postwar Oval Office meeting, Oppenheimer confesses to President Harry Truman (an unrecognizable Gary Oldman) that he feels as though he has “blood on my hands,” but no one in Oppenheimer emerges entirely clean or sullied. For example, the two principal women in the film — wife Kitty Oppenheimer (Emily Blunt) and lover Jean Tatlock (Emily Pugh) — sometimes act erratically or irresponsibly, but they’re both accorded moments of grace and resolve (with Blunt particularly effective in Kitty’s

security-clearance interview). And even the film’s least sympathetic figures — Strauss, security officer Boris Pash (Casey Affleck), interrogator Roger Robb (Jason Clarke), informer William Borden (David Dastmalchian) — largely avoid cartoon villainy: Their motives are scarcely pure, but patriotism (however misguided) and national interest at least partially inform their actions.

Oppenheimer adopts a similarly nonjudgmental attitude toward the knotty moral questions that it addresses with both thoughtfulness and thoroughness. Were Oppenheimer and his team wrong to build the bomb? Despite his fears of Nazi Germany’s own pursuit of nuclear weapons, physicist Isidor Rabi (David Krumholtz) refuses to participate fully in the project because of his ethical concerns, but he then appears at the Trinity test to lend support. Should both (or any) bombs have been dropped on Japan? The film allows Secretary of War Henry Stimson (James Remar) to make a persuasive case, but Oppenheimer seems of two minds: Hiroshima, yes; Nagasaki, no. Should the U.S. expand the arms race by developing the H-bomb? Oppenheimer adamantly opposes that escalation, but Edward Teller (Benny Safdie) and Strauss provide substantial counterweight.

Some will see the film’s avoidance of definitive conclusions as equivocation or both-sidesism, but it again reflects Nolan’s respect for his audience: Oppenheimer is the rare summer blockbuster that demands our active engagement, not our simple-minded acquiescence. And that’s a far more satisfying kind of thrill.

Oppenheimer does something all too rare in Hollywood: It trusts its audience.

MELINDA SUE GORDON © UNIVERSAL PICTURES

CULTURE

Savage Love

Take Care

By Dan Savage

: Q I have a partner of several decades who needs me, as I am his primary caregiver and he’s been going through a prolonged health crisis. But we have been sexless for two decades. There are multiple reasons for that, on both sides, some of which include the fact that I’m just not that physically attracted to him anymore, even if I once was, even if I love him, even if I still feel sexual desire, just not in his direction. I have no interest in renewing our sexual relationship, especially not now, given the condition he’s in. I don’t even know if he’s capable anymore. But I don’t want to give up being a sexual being. I also don’t think he would be open to opening the relationship and allowing me to get my needs met elsewhere. He’s very traditional in that sense, and I’m scared to ask. I think it would break his heart.

Yet, at the same time, he’s kind of getting his needs met via porn, which he hides and he’s very reluctant to talk about, although I understand. Not because I watch or enjoy porn, but because I understand he has needs, and I am not fulfilling them. I guess in his mind it’s different because he’s not engaging in a relationship with someone else, so it’s not cheating. Although I could argue that the amount of hours he spends watching porn and the extreme types he views certainly feels like something close to cheating to me. Not quite sure what I’d call it. I kind of mind when it’s bordering on jailbait and/ or violent situations, I do find those subjects more problematic, but I’m trying really hard not to judge, even when it’s more disturbing to me, because I don’t want to add to his shame. These are just fantasies, and he wouldn’t act on them. He can’t act on them. So, I am trying not to mind, and consider myself grateful that he is getting his needs met somehow, and I’m off the hook.

My question, I guess, is how do I broach the topic that I have needs, too? And maybe get permission to get them met elsewhere without hurting him? I’m not going to leave him. I can’t. That would be cruel. But I don’t want to spend the rest of our lives (and his might not be that much longer) living like a nun.

—Married Or Martyr

A: So, you don’t wanna meet your husband’s sexual needs, assuming he’s still capable of being sexual; in fact, the thought of being sexual with your husband who’s

on his way out — is so unappealing that you don’t even want to risk broaching the subject of sex, MOM, for fear he might get ideas about being sexual with you. But you can somehow risk monitoring the porn your husband consumes, MOM, porn he tries to hide from you (however unsuccessfully), porn you could help him hide from you (by turning a blind fucking eye), and porn you should be grateful he has access to (porn gets you off the hook).

While you were never that sexually attracted to your husband, MOM, at some point you made the difficult transition from sexual and romantic partner — or presumed/default sexual and romantic partner to caretaker. Even people who enjoyed strong sexual connections with their longterm partners sometimes have to make that awful transition, and the sex dwindles away. But sex was never an important part of your marriage and stuck around anyway, and now you’ve taken on profound obligations and responsibilities that transcend sex; you’re not there to get him off, you’re there to see him out. That’s a loving thing to do or it’s a thing that can be done lovingly (some people are monstrous to their dying partners) — and the less resentful you are about the pressures and deprivations that come with being a caretaker, the more loving a caretaker you’ll be.

So, there’s your rationalization, MOM. If discreetly getting sex elsewhere without seeking your husband’s permission — thereby sparing your husband a painful and pointless conversation that would only highlight what never worked about your marriage at the end of his life — will bring you some small measure of happiness, I think you should go ahead and get sex elsewhere. It’s entirely possible your husband is no more interested in having sex with you than you are with him — it’s possible he prefers porn at this stage of his life — but regardless, MOM, your husband didn’t ask for your permission before he figured out a way to take care of his own needs. He did what he needed to do. You should do the same.

P.S. But for the love of Christ, MOM, stop looking at his browser history or dusting his DVD collection or whatever it is you’re doing that forces you to think about the porn your husband is watching. If his porn preferences bother you, there’s an easy fix for that: respect his privacy

P.P.S. I honestly can’t understand why people whose marriages have been sexless for years or decades but who choose to stay together don’t release their spouses from monogamous sexual commitments.

: Q Here’s the situation: I’m involved with someone who is depressed, and I don’t know how to help him. His depression has caused

him to lose the ability to experience pleasure, for the most part. He’s on anti-depressants, but not the kind that impact your libido. How do I lift his spirits and get him to enjoy sex again?

—Blues Clues

A: “It can be very difficult when someone you love needs help but won’t get it,” said John Moe, host of Depresh Mode, a podcast that tackles depression with humor and without stigma. “You can only lead the horse to water, right? It’s a tricky move that depression pulls where the disorder sort of builds a protective shield around itself where the person is so devoid of hope and self-regard that they don’t think help is either possible or deserved, when in fact it’s both.”

So, while your partner is already on antidepressants and therefore has sought some sort of treatment, if he’s still struggling with depression — and having no libido can be a sign that someone is struggling — he may not be on the right antidepressants and/or antidepressants aren’t the only treatment he needs.

“When I was at my low point, before diagnosis and before treatment, I didn’t think I was worth getting better,” said Moe. “Finally, my wife said, ‘If you don’t love yourself enough to go see someone, do you love me and the kids?’ I said sure, of course. ‘Then do it for us,’ she said. And I did. The other line I know sometimes works when people don’t want to get help is to just ask how the status quo is working out for them. Like what exactly is so great about the current situation that you want to hold on to? Not so much about sex, really, but getting help can lead to a better mental state where sex becomes more feasible.”

Follow John Moe on Twitter @JohnMoe and the DepreshMode podcast on Instagram @depreshpod.

: Q I’m active-duty military, and my wife is as well. We are apart for now, but she will be where I am in September. I made a huge mistake. I was scrolling on Reddit and came across a subreddit that was intriguing. All I wanted was to get a release through photos. The stranger on the other end asked for my WhatsApp information so they could send me photos. I ended up sending an inappropriate picture back to get a “rating,” and wound up in a blackmail situation after the recipient of my photo threatened to send it to my wife. Obviously, I didn’t want that to happen, so I sent money but this person on Reddit still sent a screenshot to my wife. I told my wife I messed up bad. I feel so angry and resentful towards myself and I’m in therapy now working through my issues. I have an unhealthy relationship with porn and I should have sought out for help before I ended up sending an inappropriate photo to a stranger on Reddit. My wife knew I watched porn, and she was OK with that, but she isn’t OK with this. I love my wife and I don’t want it to end over a single penis picture sent to a

random person. I didn’t seek a conversation or anything else from this stranger. I’m trying to understand and forgive myself. I just feel so much anger towards myself. What can I be doing to earn my wife’s trust back? Was it cheating? I guess my biggest question is, why did I do this?

—Picture Include Consequences

A: You had your dick in one hand and your smartphone in the other — that’s why you sent that pic — but you also sent it because you wanted to feel wanted. Sometimes a married person in a monogamous relationship needs to have their desirability affirmed by someone who isn’t their spouse; sometimes we need to hear we’re hot from someone whose job it isn’t to tell us we’re hot. People used to get that need met by strangers in hotel bars or people they briefly interacted with at work — people used to get that need met in ways that didn’t create a digital trail — but nowadays we get that need met online. So, instead of flirting with someone you were never going to be in the same room with again, PIC, you connected online with someone you were never going to be in the same room with ever. Was it cheating? Well, I wouldn’t consider it cheating, PIC, but I’m not your wife.

As a general rule, I think monogamous couples should define cheating as narrowly as possible. Touching someone else with your dick? Obviously, that counts. Flirting with a stranger you’re never going to meet in person? I don’t think that counts. If we want monogamous marriages to survive routine temptations, online and off, I think we need to round things like this — not just what you did, PIC, but what you got caught doing — down to stupid-but-forgivable rather than rounding them up to cheatingand-unforgiveable.

But again, PIC, I’m not your wife. Once the woman you married gets past her initial shock and anger, I would hope she could see that you were the victim here — the victim of your own poor judgment, but also the victim of an online sociopath and a victim of revenge pornography. You shouldn’t do that thing where you’re so theatrically angry with yourself that your wife feels manipulated into comforting you. You need to let her be angry, you need to apologize to her, and then, when things calm down a little, you can talk about what you actually did. You flirted with a stranger, which is something your wife has probably done herself, and that stranger turned out to have an ulterior motive and a vindictive streak… and the dick pick you were stupid/horny/needy enough to send them.

If your wife can forgive you for flirting with a stranger like this, then this marriage can be saved. If she can’t, then this marriage — and any future marriage your wife might enter into — is probably doomed.

Send your burning questions to mailbox@ savage.love. Podcasts, columns, and more at Savage.Love!

CULTURE Free Will Astrology

ARIES: March 21 – April 19

You are about to read a thunderbolt of sublime prophecies. It’s guaranteed to nurture the genius in your soul’s underground cave. Are you ready? 1. Your higher self will prod you to compose a bold prayer in which you ask for stuff you thought you weren’t supposed to ask for. 2. Your higher self will know what to do to enhance your love life by at least 20 percent, possibly more. 3. Your higher self will give you extra access to creativity and imaginative powers, enabling you to make two practical improvements in your life.

TAURUS: April 20 – May 20

In 1991, John Kilcullen began publishing books with “for Dummies” in the title: for example, Sex for Dummies, Time Management for Dummies, Personal Finance for Dummies, and my favorite, Stress Management for Dummies. There are now over 300 books in this series. They aren’t truly for stupid people, of course. They’re designed to be robust introductions to interesting and useful subjects. I invite you to emulate Kilcullen’s mindset, Taurus. Be innocent, curious, and eager to learn. Adopt a beginner’s mind that’s receptive to

being educated and influenced. (If you want to know more, go here: tinyurl. com/TruthForDummies)

GEMINI: May 21 – June 20

“I could be converted to a religion of grass,” says Indigenous author Louise Erdrich in her book Heart of the Land “Sink deep roots. Conserve water. Respect and nourish your neighbors. Such are the tenets. As for practice — grow lush in order to be devoured or caressed, stiffen in sweet elegance, invent startling seeds. Connect underground. Provide. Provide. Be lovely and do no harm.” I advocate a similar approach to life for you Geminis in the coming weeks. Be earthy, sensual, and lush. (P.S.: Erdrich is a Gemini.)

CANCER: June 21 – July 22

I hereby appoint myself as your temporary social director. My first action is to let you know that from an astrological perspective, the next nine months will be an excellent time to expand and deepen your network of connections and your web of allies. I invite you to cultivate a vigorous grapevine that keeps you up-to-date about the latest trends affecting your work and play. Refine your gossip skills. Be friendlier than you’ve ever been. Are you the best ally and collaborator you could possibly be? If not, make that one of your assignments.

LEO: July 23 – August 22

There are two kinds of holidays: those created by humans and those arising from the relationship between the sun and earth. In the former category are various independence days: July 4 in the U.S., July 1 in Canada, July 14 in France, and June 2 in Italy. Japan observes Foundation Day on February 11. Among the second kind of holiday is Lammas on Aug. 1, a pagan festival that in the Northern Hemisphere marks the halfway point between the summer solstice and autumn equinox. In preindustrial cultures, Lammas celebrated the grain harvest and featured outpourings of gratitude for the crops that provide essential food. Modern revelers give thanks for not only the grain, but all the nourishing bounties provided by the sun’s and earth’s collaborations. I believe you Leos are smart to make Lammas one of your main holidays. What’s ready to be harvested in your world. What are your prime sources of gratitude?

VIRGO: August 23 – Sept. 22

For many of us, a disposal company regularly comes to our homes to haul away the garbage we have generated. Wouldn›t it be great if there was also a reliable service that purged our minds and hearts of the psychic gunk

JAMES NOELLERT

that naturally accumulates? Psychotherapists provide this blessing for some of us, and I know people who derive similar benefits from spiritual rituals. Getting drunk or intoxicated may work, too, although those states often generate their own dreck. With these thoughts in mind, Virgo, meditate on how you might cleanse your soul with a steady, ennobling practice. Now is an excellent time to establish or deepen this tradition.

LIBRA: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22

I’m wondering if there is a beloved person to whom you could say these words by Rumi: “You are the sky my spirit circles in, the love inside love, the resurrection-place.” If you have no such an ally, Libra, the coming months will be a favorable time to attract them into your life. If there is such a companion, I hope you will share Rumi’s lyrics with them, then go further. Say the words Leonard Cohen spoke: “When I’m with you, I want to be the kind of hero I wanted to be when I was seven years old.”

SCORPIO: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: Your theme for the coming weeks is “pleasurable gooseflesh.” I expect and hope you’ll experience it in abundance. You need it and deserve it! Editor Corrie Evanoff describes “pleasurable gooseflesh” as “the primal response we experience when something suddenly violates our expectations in a good way.” It can also be called “frisson” — a French word meaning “a sudden feeling or sensation of excitement, emotion, or thrill.” One way this joy may occur is when we listen to a playlist of songs sequenced in unpredictable ways — say Mozart followed by Johnny Cash, then Édith Piaf, Led Zeppelin, Blondie, Queen, Luciano Pavarotti, and Yellow Magic Orchestra. Here’s your homework: Imagine three ways you can stimulate pleasurable gooseflesh and frisson, then go out and make them happen.

SAGITTARIUS: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

“Fire rests by changing,” wrote ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus. In accordance with astrological omens, I ask you to meditate on that riddle.

By Rob Brezsny

Here are some preliminary thoughts: The flames rising from a burning substance are always moving, always active, never the same shape. Yet they comprise the same fire. As long as they keep shifting and dancing, they are alive and vital. If they stop changing, they die out and disappear. The fire needs to keep changing to thrive! Dear Sagittarius, here’s your assignment: Be like the fire; rest by changing.

CAPRICORN: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

There’s ample scientific evidence that smelling cucumbers can diminish feelings of claustrophobia. For example, some people become anxious when they are crammed inside a narrow metal tube to get an MRI. But numerous imaging facilities have reduced that discomfort with the help of cucumber oil applied to cotton pads and brought into proximity to patients’ noses. I would love it if there were also natural ways to help you break free of any and all claustrophobic situations, Capricorn. The coming weeks will be a favorable time to hone and practice the arts of liberation.

AQUARIUS: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

“Silent gratitude isn’t very much use to anyone,” said Aquarian author Gertrude B. Stein. She was often quirky and even downright weird, but as you can see, she also had a heartful attitude about her alliances. Stein delivered another pithy quote that revealed her tender approach to relationships. She said that love requires a skillful audacity about sharing one’s inner world. I hope you will put these two gems of advice at the center of your attention, Aquarius. You are ready for a strong, sustained dose of deeply expressive interpersonal action.

PISCES: Feb.19 – March 20

According to the International Center for Academic Integrity, 95% of high school students acknowledge they have participated in academic cheating. We can conclude that just one of 20 students have never cheated — a percentage that probably matches how many non-cheaters there are in every area of life. I mention this because I believe it’s a favorable time to atone for any deceptions you have engaged in, whether in school or elsewhere. I’m not necessarily urging you to confess, but I encourage you to make amends and corrections to the extent you can. Also: Have a long talk with yourself about what you can learn from your past cons and swindles.

Homework: What single good change would set in motion a cascade of further good changes?

Tired of being told how hot it is in Death Valley, it has ‘Death’ as a modifier, I bet it’s uncomfortable most of the summer.

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