Savage Love

CULTURE

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Savage Love

Pound for Pound

By Dan Savage

This is a preview of this week’s Savage Love. The full version is now exclusively available on Dan’s website Savage.Love.

: QA friend hooked me up with a much younger guy for weed.Let’s call him “Pretty Boy.” H e knew something about me — Pretty Boy had been to a party at my house — and I knew something about him: he’s a burner, like our mutual. C onsent is supposed to be a core burner value and before we hook up, Pretty Boy asks if he can bring his paddles. So, we had a talk and I tell him I’m open to a little pain, but I’m mostly meh about it. (Except love bites. I love me some love bites.) Long story short: Pretty Boy thinks he’s a great fuck cuz he’s got a great big one and can pound long and hard. M y pussy ain’t been touched in almost three years but so far as I know “O U C H ” is the universal safe word! M aybe I should’ve picked a better one because I had to say it so many times! I ured it s e t o t e moment stuff so I wasn’t mad, and agreed to hook up again. M uch more O U C H , but on both sides this time. (Love bites!) N ext day m urin out o to m n e t is. nd t in c lled n nut nd tell Pretty Boy I’m willing to plunk down the money. Whatever it takes to make his PIV pounding less O U C H . A nd then we have this conversation:

Sore Lady: “So, surely this has hap pened before, yes?”

Pretty Boy: “O f course it has. LO L.”

N ow I’m mad. This motherfucker knew! H e did it on purpose! I ask him oint l n i e ot off on it nd e won’t answer. Which means he did. N ow nt to set im on re. ut ere s t e t in : rett o is t e nest t in e ever had the pleasure of putting my hands on in my entire life. I warned him that I have a history of channeling my rage into intricate revenge plots, most too crazy to carry out. I did rat him out to the dude who hooked us up. A s for Pretty Boy, I could tell him to sit down, shut up, and hear my truth, but I already delivered that message. (See: O U C H .) I should probably slam the door and lock it ut e is t e nest t in nd e never had a hookup that wasn’t a little bit sketchy. But this is too much, right? RIG H T?

—Boys Are Supposed To Ask Right, Dan?

P.S. I didn’t even cum either time!

: ASo, Pretty Boy doesn’t care if you come or not, he ignores your feedback during sex, and he engages in rough sex knowing it’s sometimes painful — in a bad way — for his sex partners.

Fuck that guy.

By which I mean, of course, don’t fuck that guy. But you’re obviously tempted to fuck that guy again,BASTARD, as you make clear in your letter. (A letter I spent an hour editing for, um, clarity.) You wanna fuck Pretty Boy again ecau e he the ne t thing ou e ever gotten to touch. Pretty Boy is so hot, BASTARD, that you’re tempted to fuck him despite wanting to set him on re — in a ad wa — after ou po e to him about the sex being painful.

Look, BASTARD, having a hot FWB is great, but having a hot FWB — or boyfriend or girlfriend or enbyfriend — who a hitt el h incon iderate lover is a lot like owning a house with an amazing view that happens to be right next door to a trash incinerator. Sooner or later you get used to the view and start taking it for granted, BASTARD, and the only thing you really notice after that is the stench.

Still, if you’re inclined to extend Pretty o the ene t of the dou t it wouldn’t be hard to whip one up. He’s young! It’s entirely possible all the women he’s fucked up to this point in his short life liked his style, i.e., long and hard pounding! It’s also possible the woman he’s fucked hated his style and, like you, hoped Pretty Boy would hear top olicit their feed ac and correct course. Seeing that’s not something he’s either able or inclined to do, you’re gonna have to use your words and the actual leverage you have over him — your pussy, not your mutuals — to get him to fuck you without physically hurting you.

If he wants back in your pussy, tell him he ha to do it thing ou di erently. More foreplay, going slower, using lube, not going all the way in (with or without an Ohnut) — whatever he needs to do to make sex more comfortable and pleasurable for you, that needs to be a clearly-stated (by you!) and enforced (ditto!) condition of him getting anywhere near your pussy ever again. nd if he laugh it o et him on re .

P.S. What happened to the paddles?

: QI’m a cis woman in a relationship with a cis man for eight years. The sex is fantastic, mostly because we prioritize connection, play, and pleasure rather than penetration or orgasms, though we have plenty of both. M y partner lasts a long time and only comes about a third of the time. A bout half the time we do PIV he outlasts both my own orgasm and the lube, meaning that I’ll stop things when the friction becomes painful and e ll eit er nis outside o me or on t come at all. These options work for us and the sex is consistently great! The dilemma is that we’ve decided to start trying to conceive, which requires him to come inside me. I’m worried that the em phasis on this one act will put so much pressure on him that sex will become less fun. I’m also worried it will make ejacula tion e en more di cult. o ou e n suggestions on how to make this more playful? M aybe a suggestion on how to get the lube to last longer? Is there a way to eroticize the whole process more? O r is subpar sex just an inevitable part of trying to conceive?

—Conception Really Impeding M y Pleasures

: ASubpar sex while you’re trying to conceive kindasorta comes with the territory, CRIMP, and it may be the least of your worries…

Go to Savage.Love to read the rest.

A sk: questions@savagelove.net. Listen to Dan on the Savage Lovecast. Follow Dan on Twitter @FakeDanSavage.