6 minute read
On (small) Screens
[ film + tv ]
New German series Kleo premieres Friday on Netflix
ON (small) SCREENS IN ORLANDO
PHOTO COURTESY NETFLIX
Streaming premieres you won’t want to miss
by Steve Schneider
PREMIERES WEDNESDAY:
High Heat — From Mexico comes a new series about a young man whose investigation of his brother’s death leads to a local firehouse. And I don’t mean Firehouse Subs, because all you get there is a digestive disorder. (Netflix) Look Both Ways — Sliding Doors as a romcom? A young woman who’s about to graduate from college straddles her parallel potential futures as a single mom and (alternately) a child-free careerist. The implication that she has a choice in the matter means the show qualifies as science fiction in 26 states. (Netflix) Royalteen — Norwegian YA literature yields a romance series in which a girl’s pursuit of a literal handsome prince is threatened by a dark secret in her past. Namely, that she was kind of OK with it when the Maelstrom ride was replaced with Frozen Ever After. (Netflix)
PREMIERES THURSDAY:
Dragons: The Nine Realms — Navigating the dangerous new Fire Realm portends all kinds of jeopardy in Season 3, but there’s also a serious threat to the continued viability of the Crystal Realm. And here you thought meth was never going out of style. (Peacock and Hulu) Glorious — When he dips into a public restroom to try to recover from a hangover, a luckless young guy finds himself trapped in his stall, with the ominous voice of J.K. Simmons speaking to him through a glory hole. Listen, he should count his blessings. Six months ago, it could have been Gilbert Gottfried. (Shudder) He-Man and the Masters of the Universe — Not to be confused with Kevin Smith’s controversial Masters of the Universe: Revelation, this more traditionally adventuresome take on the He-Man legend enters Season 3 with Skeletor’s ghost conscripting an army of snake men to take down Eternia. For his part, Smith will be back with Masters of the Universe: Revolution, meaning you still might have your chance to see the Sword of Power transformed into a giant bong. (Netflix) The Innocents — Norwegian writer-director Eskil Vogt’s supernatural thriller about a quartet of preteens with fearsome powers has been compared to everything from Children of the Damned to Lord of the Flies to The Turn of the Screw. But not, strangely, to The Goonies, which is pretty much my go-to for kids you’d like to take out with a rock. (Shudder) She Hulk: Attorney at Law — Orlando acting legend Peg O’Keef is one of the surprise guest stars as Marvel’s wacky green-skinned heroine Jennifer Walters gets her own series. Oh, and Mark Ruffalo, Tim Roth and Benedict Wong are in it too. If you happen to like also-rans. (Disney+) Selena + Chef Season 4 — After three seasons of cooking out of her own home, Selena Gomez moves to a Malibu beach house for the next installment of her culinary series. Given that Emmy snub she just suffered for Only Murders in the Building, you should probably take a good whiff of whatever she’s whipped up before you bite into it. (HBO Max) Tekken: Bloodline — The ’90s video-game juggernaut is reborn as an anime series in which driven martial artist Jin Kazama trains to compete in the King of Iron Fist tournament. I’m pretty sure I saw that at Southern Nights, and if I’m remembering correctly, they’re going to need to put a tarp down. (Netflix) The Undeclared War — A production partnership with the U.K.’s Channel 4 brings us this cyber-suspense series set in 2024, when online skullduggery by foreign actors threatens to undermine an upcoming election. That only qualifies as a cautionary tale in Britain, where they might still be having actual elections by 2024. (Peacock)
PREMIERES FRIDAY:
Bad Sisters — The comedy is predictably black as five Irish siblings try to ward off suspicions they may have killed the oldest one’s abusive husband. Suspicions? As far as I understand it, in Ireland that sort of thing is practically an Olympic qualifier. (Apple TV+) The Cuphead Show — Part 2 of the animated throwback is dropping just as online wokescolds have discovered that the Disney/Fleischer tropes on which it relies were actually kinda racist. Can’t put anything over on these people! But just wait until they figure out the colonialist implications of India ink. (Netflix) Echoes — Fooling your family is all fun and games until isn’t. And that’s what Australian identical twins discover when their years of swapping identities culminate in one of them going missing. Great, now I’ll never be able to watch The Parent Trap without thinking of Natalee Holloway. (Netflix) The Girl in the Mirror — A bus crash kills a whole bunch of Spanish students, and leaves one of the survivors with both amnesia and the sinking feeling that her loved ones are lying to her about what happened. If you noticed that sounds almost identical to Apple TV’s Surface, which bowed a mere three weeks ago, you clearly don’t take the bus. (Netflix) Kleo — This period-piece crime series about a female assassin seeking revenge after the fall of the Berlin Wall has been described as a German take on Quentin Tarantino. Oh boy! As thinly veiled warnings go, that’s right up there with “Kissimmee’s answer to Chuck Palahniuk.” (Netflix) Making the Cut — The guest judges joining Tim and Heidi for Season 3 are R&B duo Chloe x Halle, stylist Jason Bolden and TikTok fashion plate Wisdom Kaye. If we’re going to do influencers, can’t we have that Chihuahua who owns lots of sweaters? (Amazon Prime) The Next 365 Days — In the third entry in Poland’s universally panned take on the Fifty Shades franchise, Laura and Massimo try to preserve their relationship and not let Nacho come between them. This time I think I’m with the Poles: I mean, hands up if nachos have never ruined one of your relationships. (Netflix) Orphan: First Kill — The adult psychopath who can pass for a preteen comes to America in a prequel to 2009’s Orphan, debuting simultaneously on streaming and in theaters. And maybe in ball pits, so watch the fuck out! (Paramount+) Surfside Girls — The graphic novels by Kim Dwinell come to life, with their overstuffed narratives intact: Besties Jade and Sam find themselves befriending a ghost and trying to solve a pirate mystery — when they aren’t engaging in more typical pursuits, like surfing or sublimating their true desires into heteronormativity. Sorry, I meant “meeting cute guys.” (Apple TV+) Todo por Lucy — The streaming medium’s obsession with Lucille Ball becomes a full-on epidemic with a Spanish-language update of her groundbreaking sitcom. In one modern twist, the show’s take on Fred and Ethel is a pair of gay men. Now the onus is on every drag queen in Tijuana to work up a spotless impression of Vivian Vance. (Amazon Prime)
PREMIERES SATURDAY:
Fullmetal Alchemist: The Revenge of Scar
— The second live-action feature in the manga-based franchise pits the Elric brothers against a serial killer with a distinguishing scar on his forehead. But we all knew Harry Potter was going to snap if he got asked about J.K. Rowling one more time. (Netflix)
PREMIERES TUESDAY:
Chad and JT Go Deep — The socially aware pranksters/podcasters try to stay “stoke” as they take their activism to the streets, only to face a backlash when they pick the wrong cause to champion. Gee, you mean the pursuit of public respectability is ultimately a circular firing squad? Good thing I picked crossfit as a hobby instead. (Netflix) So Vam — Trans teen Alice Maio Mackay directed this satirical shocker about a wannabe drag queen who falls in with a pack of vampires to prey on bigoted mortals. Listen, not only do I have nothing bad to say about this as the premise for a movie, I’m pretty much ready to endorse it as a way of life. (Shudder) Untold: The Rise and Fall of AND1 —This week’s episode traces the rise and fall of the sneaker company that made stars out of a cadre of scrappy streetballers, including The Professor, Hot Sauce, Shane the Dribbling Machine and Andre Who Wishes He Had Gotten His MBA Instead. (Netflix)