On (small) screens

PHOTO COURTESY NETFLIXNorwegians learn the true meaning of the season while stranded at the airport in A Storm for Christmas | Photo courtesy Netflix

ON (small) SCREENS IN ORLANDO

Streaming premieres you won’t want to miss this week.

by Steve Schneider

OPENS WEDNESDAY:

Grails — In six documentary episodes, Eastside Golf co-founders Earl Cooper and Olajuwon Ajanaku partner with Nike’s Jordan brand to bring Blackness to the course. Meanwhile, over at Adidas, an enterprising young fellow named Nick Fuentes has a pitch to make! (Hulu) Kangaroo Valley — Succession’s Sarah Snook narrates a nature documentary about a baby kangaroo’s fight to survive. Apparently, the kangaroo’s biggest problem is that both of its brothers are fuckups who are unfit to protect their family from a hostile takeover by the dingoes. (Netflix) National Treasure: Edge of History — If the prospect of a series spun off from the National Treasure film franchise doesn’t entice you — particularly one that doesn’t feature Nic Cage in any capacity — you might think again when you learn the first episode was directed by the great Mira Nair (Salaam Bombay!, Monsoon Wedding). Strange bedfellows, I know. But now I really want to see Allison Anders take a crack at Tomb Raider. (Disney+)

OPENS THURSDAY:

The Big 4 — In this Indonesian action comedy, the daughter of a slain cop learns that he was the leader of a group of trained assassins. Well, it could have been worse. He could have been into Phish or something. (Netflix) The Game — Season 2 of the revival series mints more comedy and drama out of pro football’s intersections with racism, sexism and class warfare. “My intersections wasn’t so good, but nobody beat me on making passes,” smirked Herschel Walker, moments before his court-mandated gelding. (Paramount+) Harry & Meghan Vol. II — Episodes 4 through 6 wrap up the story of the Duke and Duchess’ estrangement from royal life. And if you thought you knew how bad it was from Episodes 1 through 3, wait until you see how they flinch when somebody tries to hand them an RC Cola. (Netflix) I Believe in Santa — This holiday romcom asks if a hard-core Christmas junkie can make things work with a partner who disdains the season. I mean, probably? But when they say they don’t like Halloween, that’s when I go all Wicker Man on their ass. (Netflix) Love for the Ages — Married, middle-aged Latinos and Latinas are temporarily set up with younger partners to see what happens. Will they recognize the value of shared experience and stick with their existing relationships? No, probably not. But will they emerge from the experience with a wiser perspective and a commitment to never again take a genuine partnership for granted? Also no. (Peacock) Sonic Prime — Everybody’s favorite hedgehog discovers the multiverse, in a new series that sends him racing across realities on a desperate mission. Boy, that Ron Jeremy will do anything to stay out of jail. (Netflix)

Who Killed Santa? A Murderville Murder

Mystery — The improvised whodunit series gets a holiday special, with guests Jason Bateman and Maya Rudolph joining Will Arnett to solve the offing of old Saint Nick. I guess I could try to find something sarcastic to say here, but sometimes the only appropriate comment is “God bless us, every one.” (Netflix)

OPENS FRIDAY:

The Apology — A woman whose daughter disappeared 20 years ago is offered closure by her ex brother-in-law in a shocker that puts an ominous twist on holiday gift-giving. But one good thing about revenge is that it’s always in your size. (Shudder) Cook at All Costs — Canada whips up a kitchen competition in which the contestants have to ration their supplies to make meals on the cheap. Back home, the series is streaming under the title Eat Like an American. (Netflix)

Dance Monsters: A Dance Competition

— In an effort to make The Masked Singer look hopelessly analog, this dance-off has its participating hoofers represented by whimsical CGI avatars. Tomorrow morning’s controversy: Was making Mike Wazowski dance to “Eyes Without a Face” ableist? (Netflix) If These Walls Could Sing — Filmmaker Mary McCartney explores the history of the famous Abbey Road Studios. You know, that’s the place where her dad recorded that classic album, Electric Ladyland. (Disney+) Joe Bob’s Ghoultide Get-Together — After last year’s temporary deviation from the norm, this edition of the annual auction/ schlock double feature will once again spotlight movies that are actually holidaythemed. I’m laying down my marker now: I Spit on Your Grave is a Christmas movie. (Disney+)

LOL: Last One Laughing Mexico, Season

5 — To earn a second crack at the title, losers from previous seasons will be locked up in a house for six hours and forbidden to laugh. Too bad they can’t choose whose house it is, because I would definitely pick Rob Schneider. (Prime Video) Paradise PD, Season 4 — As the animated series reaches a conclusion, its cast of inept cops find themselves out of a job just in time for an evil corporation to buy out the town. If you’ve been searching for that elusive convergence of Robocop 2 and PAW Patrol, here it is. (Netflix) Private Lesson — The central character of this Turkish romcom is a supposed academic tutor who’s actually more interested in being a life coach and relationship advisor. Well-intended, I’m sure, but how is that supposed to help anybody compete with the Chinese, Ms. Azra McPhee? (Netflix) The Recruit — The Rookie creator Alexi Hawley and The Bourne Identity director Doug Liman team up to tell the continuing story of a newbie CIA lawyer drawn into the machinations of a rogue female asset. Forget the thriller bona fides; this sounds like the holiday romcom we all so richly deserve. (Netflix) A Storm for Christmas — A bunch of Norwegians learn the true meaning of the season when treacherous snows strand them together at Oslo Airport. If that happened at MCO, the body count would be so high even Joe Bob couldn’t show it. (Netflix)

The Volcano: Rescue From Whakaari

— Revisit the calamity of the 2019 New Zealand eruption in a documentary that nine out of 10 Hawaiian viewers call “unfortunately timed.” (Netflix)

[ film + tv ]

OPENS SUNDAY:

1923 — Megaweights Harrison Ford and Helen Mirren headline this new Western drama that serves as both a prequel to Yellowstone and a sequel to 1883. Now all we need is three more series just like this, and we’ll have a pretty good game of Chrono going. (Paramount+)

OPENS TUESDAY:

The Seven Deadly Sins: Grudge of

Edinburgh, Part 1 — In a feature-length film spun off from the anime series, Prince Tristan flees to Edinburgh to avoid his propensity for hurting the people he loves. Interestingly, this is also the personal trajectory of everyone I know who has ever toured the Fringe Festival circuit. (Netflix)