THE WEEK

UCFest Speaker Knight: Brittany Broski 8 pm Friday; Addition Financial Arena, 12777 N. Gemini Blvd.; $25; 407-823-6006; additionfiarena.com.

Dance

Director’s Choice Meet the stars of tomorrow as the Orlando Ballet Second Company comes into its own. Thursday-Sunday; Harriett’s Orlando Ballet Centre, 600 N. Lake Formosa Drive; $30-$85; 407418-9828; orlandoballet.org.

Art

All that Glitters: The Society of Gilders An installation in partnership with The Society of Gilders. Albin Polasek Museum and Sculpture Gardens, 633 Osceola Ave., Winter Park; $12; 407-647-6294; polasek.org.

textile work represents his identity as a Ghanaian in America. Through Friday; The Sculpture House, 120 Quail Pond Circle, Casselberry; free; 407-262-7700; casselberry.org.

Figurehead: Music and Mayhem in Orlando’s Underground This special exhibition tells the story of the local music scene with a focus on underground rock music and the club circuit. Orange County Regional History Center, 65 E. Central Blvd.; free-$10; 407-836-8500; thehistorycenter.org.

Impression and Reality Paintings of American Impressionism and Realism alongside important works from prestigious Florida museums. Mennello Museum of American Art, 900 E. Princeton St.; $5; 407-2464278; mennellomuseum.org

MONDAY, MARCH 27

Masked Wolf 7 pm; House of Blues, Disney Springs, Lake Buena Vista; $25-$70; 407-934-2583.

TUESDAY, MARCH 28

Seminole State College Spring Jazz Night 7:30 pm; Ritz Theater at the Wayne Densch Performing Arts Center, 201 S. Magnolia Ave., Sanford; free; 407-321-8111.

Strawberry Girls, Body Thief, Standards, Tang 6 pm; The Social, 54 N. Orange Ave.; $22; 407-246-1419.

Theater

Bright Star Bluegrass, Americana music and Southern sugar mix in this gentlespirited musical. 7:30 pm; Theatre UCF, 4000 Central Florida Blvd.; $25; 407-823-1500; arts.cah.ucf.edu.

Creature Feature Weekly horrordrag show by Blackhaüs. Ages 18+. 10 pm; Renaissance Theatre Co., 415 E. Princeton St.; $10; instagram. com/blackhaus_creaturefeature.

The Money’s in the Basement A showcase of Natalie Doliner’s wide-ranging vocal ability and storytelling prowess. 7:30 pm Wednesday-Thursday;

Winter Park Playhouse, 711 Orange Ave., Winter Park; $20; 407-6450145; winterparkplayhouse.org.

Noises Off Makes hilarious fun of what goes on backstage in any theatre. Athens Theatre, 124 N. Florida Ave., DeLand; $12-$32; 386736-1500; athensdeland.com.

Queen of Swords The true story of Julie D’Aubigny, an openly bisexual opera singer and swordfighter who lived in 17th-century France. 7:30 pm Friday-Saturday; Timucua Arts Foundation, 2000 S. Summerlin Ave.; $25; 321-234-3985; timucua.com.

Shout! The Mod Musical OffBroadway musical features a score of hit music by Dusty Springfield, Petula Clark, Lulu and more. Winter Park Playhouse, 711 Orange Ave., Winter Park; $20-$46; 407-6450145; winterparkplayhouse.org.

The SpongeBob Musical Dive into the undersea town of Bikini Bottom with SpongeBob and his quirky circle of friends and neighbors. SaturdaySunday; Orlando Repertory Theatre, 1001 E. Princeton St.; $15-$45; 407-896-7365; orlandorep.com.

Sweet Charity Classic Bob Fosse musical about Charity Hope Valentine, a taxi dancer with rotten luck. Osceola Center for the Arts, 2411 E. Irlo Bronson Memorial Highway, Kissimmee; $28; 407-846-6257; osceolaarts.org.

Comedy

17th Annual National Miss Comedy Queen Pageant Drag queen contestants from around the country compete to be the next national titleholder.

7 pm Thursday; Alexis & Jim Pugh Theater, Dr. Phillips Center for the Performing Arts, 445 S. Magnolia Ave.; $73.18; drphillipscenter.org.

Bob Marley Not that Bob Marley.

7:30 pm Saturday; The Plaza Live, 425 N. Bumby Ave.; $39-$50; 407228-1220; plazaliveorlando.org.

Chelcie Lynn “2 Fingers and a 12-Pack” Tour. 8 pm Thursday; Hard Rock Live, 6050 Universal Blvd.; $32.50-$60.50; 407-351-5483; hardrock.com/live.

Sam Morril “The Class Act” tour. 7 pm Friday; The Plaza Live, 425 N. Bumby Ave.; $35; 407-2281220; plazaliveorlando.org.

Tracy Morgan

See page 17. Various times ThursdaySunday; ages 21+; Orlando Improv, 9101 International Drive; $48-$58; 407480-5233; theimprovorlando.com.

Art Encounters: One Act of Kindness, A World of Difference Works by Guillermo Galindo, Patrick Martinez, Monte Olinger and Joe Wardwell. Rollins Museum of Art, 1000 Holt Ave., Winter Park; free; 407-646-2526; rollins.edu/rma.

Bill McSherry: Convergence: Architectural Insights Features 41 photographs taken in historic locales around Florida. Southeast Museum of Photography, Daytona State College, Daytona Beach; free; 386-506-3894; southeastmuseumofphotography.org.

Cheryl Bogdanowitsch: The Shape of Things Raised near woodlands and with parents interested in the natural world, wood has always been an important part of Bogdanowitsch’s life and is the foundation for her sculptures. Crealdé School of Art, 600 St. Andrews Blvd., Winter Park; 407-671-1886; crealde.org.

Cultural Fabric An exploration of travel, cultural identity and commonalities with work by Brant Slomovic, Mär Martinez, Diana Zhang, Martha Diaz Adam and Elise Stürup. Snap Downtown, 420 E. Church St.; free; snaporlando.com.

David Lawrence: An Instant Polaroid Show

Opens 4 pm Friday; Framework Craft Coffee House, 1050 N. Mills Ave.; 321-270-7410; instagram. com/frameworkcoffeehouse.

Eugene Ofori Agyei

Agyei’s installation of ceramic and

In Our Eyes: Women’s, Nonbinary, and Transgender Perspectives from the Collection Highlights the unique experiences of female, transgender and gender-nonconforming artists by addressing issues such as racial and gender identity, sexuality, discrimination and violence. Rollins Museum of Art, 1000 Holt Ave., Winter Park; free; 407-646-2526; rollins.edu/rma.

Lecture: “Henrietta King’s 100+ Year Legacy: The Main House” Lisa Neely, archivist of King Ranch, discusses one of only a few private residences still occupied that has Tiffany glass windows and Tiffany furnishings. 2:30 pm Wednesday; Charles Hosmer Morse Museum of American Art, 445 N. Park Ave., Winter Park; free; 407-645-5311; morsemuseum.org.

Maitland’s Attic: A Journey through the History of a Small City An interactive exploration into the history of Maitland and its surrounding areas. Art and History Museums — Maitland, 231 W. Packwood Ave., Maitland; $6; 407-539-2181; artandhistory.org.

Origins: Two Generations of Art / Mia Bergeron / Michel Bergeron Local father and daughter, both remarkable and widely exhibited artists, share work in a joint exhibition. Leesburg Center for the Arts, 429 W. Magnolia St., Leesburg; 352365-0232; leesburgarts.com.

Pressing Issues: Printmaking as Social Justice in 1930s United States Brings together work by artists in the

United States during the 1930s who, through their art, produced radical critical commentaries on the social injustices plaguing the country in their time. Rollins Museum of Art, 1000 Holt Ave., Winter Park; free; 407-646-2526; rollins.edu/rma.

Relentless Courage: Ukraine and The World at War A gripping visual portfolio that reminds us of our shared humanity. Orlando Museum of Art, 2416 N. Mills Ave.; $20; 407-896-4231; omart.org.

Space Oddities: The Sequel This exhibit features hundreds of new Memphis design objects never before displayed at the Modernism Museum, including items from David Bowie’s personal collection. Modernism Museum Mount Dora, 145 E. Fourth Ave., Mount Dora; $8; 352385-0034; modernismmuseum.org.

The Story Quilters of Hannibal Square Exhibit themes include artist reflections on the Black experience, spirituality, justice, femininity, family and nature. Hannibal Square Heritage Center, 642 W. New England Ave., Winter Park; free; 407-539-2680; hannibalsquareheritagecenter.org.

Threshold: Recontextualizing SelfPortraiture Photographs by Brittney Cathey-Adams, Eva Birhanu, Jillian Marie Browning, Adama Delphine Fawundu, André Terrel Jackson, Tommy Kha, Lorena Molina, Azya Lashelle, Lorenzo Triburgo, Sarah Van Dyck, Jon Wes. Southeast Museum of Photography, Daytona State College, Daytona Beach; 386-506-4475; southeastmuseumofphotography.org.

Twentysomethings: Works and NFTs The private collection of Fabio Sandoval, a 25-year-old local who has been collecting art for the past six years. Orlando Museum of Art, 2416 N. Mills Ave.; $20; 407-896-4231; omart.org.

(un)Common Form

A conversation between two diverse sculptors, Kendra Frorup and Maxwell Hartley, whose works are informed by the rich landscapes of Florida and the Bahamas, where Frorup grew up. Art and History Museums — Maitland, 231 W. Packwood Ave., Maitland; $6; 407-539-2181; artandhistory.org.

Visual Field: RMA Staff Picks

An opportunity for each RMA staffer to share with viewers a work from the collection that resonates in a personal way. Rollins Museum of Art, 1000 Holt Ave., Winter Park; free; 407-646-2526; rollins.edu/rma.

What’s New? Recent Acquisitions

Includes works by artists Myrna Báez, Mark Bradford, Norman Daly, Troy Makaza and Sebastiao Salgado, among others. Rollins Museum of Art, 1000 Holt Ave., Winter Park; free; 407-646-2526; rollins.edu/rma.

Women Artists Group

Beatrice Athanas, Francine Levy, Eliza Pineau Casler, Marianna Ross, Bonnie Shapiro, Deborah B. Smith and Lillian Verkins. Casselberry Art House, 127 Quail Pond Circle, Casselberry; free; 407-262-7700; casselberry.org.

Events

11th Annual Pints n’ Paws Craft Beer Festival Sample craft beer from over 100 breweries, interact with other dog lovers, enjoy food trucks, music and most importantly help raise funds for local pet rescue charities.

1 pm Saturday; Historic Downtown Sanford, Second Street and Sanford Avenue; ages 21+; $50-$65; 407339-0879; pintsandpaws.com.

16th Annual Taste of Lake Mary Restaurants include Terramia Ristorante, Tabla Cuisine, Peterbrooke Chocolates, Zaza Cuban Comfort, Cork & Olive, Tim’s Wine Market, and many more. 5:30 pm Monday; Orlando Marriott Lake Mary, 1501 International Parkway, Lake Mary; $55-$99; 407995-7013; lakemaryrotary.com.

The 29th Annual Taste of Oviedo Learn new techniques from a culinary demonstration, sip on adult beverages, discover your new favorite festival food, dance to live music, find unique shopping vendors in the Oviedo Roots Farmer’s Market area, or jam to silent disco. 10 am Saturday; Oviedo Mall, 1700 Oviedo Marketplace Blvd., Oviedo; free-$20; owsrcc.org.

AdventHealth Winter Park Road Race

A 10K, 2-mile, and kids’ run so the whole family can participate. Saturday 7 am; Central Park, Winter Park, North Park Avenue and West Morse Boulevard, Winter Park; $33-$96; 407-8961160; winterparkroadrace.com.

Art in Bloom An annual springtime fundraiser since 1983 showcasing respected dealers offering an array of fine-quality antiques, paintings, jewelry, porcelain, vintage collectibles, and much more. Friday-Sunday; Orlando Museum of Art, 2416 N. Mills Ave.; $12$20; 407-896-4231; councilof101.org.

Art in Bloom’s Mystery Home Tour

Guests of the 40th annual Art in Bloom are invited to hop on a bus from the Orlando Museum of Arts to an undisclosed mystery home for a once-in-a-lifetime tour. 11 am Saturday; Orlando Museum of Art, 2416 N. Mills Ave.; $50; 407-896-4231; omart.org.

Art Party: The A + H Annual Gala Artist interviews and live painting followed by a live art auction, delicious food and drinks, and your Central Florida community in its finest creative cocktail attire. 6 pm Saturday; Art and History Museums — Maitland, 231 W. Packwood Ave., Maitland; $65-$1,000; 407-539-2181; artandhistory.org.

Chef Night: Chef Alexia Gawlak of Swine and Sons

Bringing Southern-inspired food with an elevated spin to the kitchen house. 6 pm Monday; Edible Education Experience, 26 E. King St.; $90; RSVP requested; edibleed.org.

Festival Latino Downtown Highlighting different Latin American countries with food and music from Plena de Barrio, Mariachi America Canta, Grupo Kon Clase, and DJ Joe Ortiz. 11 am Saturday; Ocala Citizens’ Circle, SE Osceola Ave., Ocala; free; facebook.com/latinfestivalocala.

Florida Wildflower and Garden Festival A forum to promote environmentally friendly and sustainable gardening practices, featuring an array of vendors and presentations by wildflower and gardening experts. 9 am Saturday; Downtown DeLand, Indiana Avenue and South Woodland Boulevard; free; mainstreetdeland.org.

The Great Duck Derby

A springtime tradition features little yellow rubber duck races and lots of fun, free activities. 10 am Saturday; Mead Botanical Garden, 1300 S. Denning Drive, Winter Park; free-$20; 407-622-6323.

Kick Bright Shop Grand Opening

Special exclusive buttons available only for the event and other top-secret surprises. New vintage clothing selec- tions, decorative kitschy artwork, toys & collectibles and the “world famous” button wall will be in full effect. Noon Saturday; Kick Bright, 2436 E. Robinson St.; free; 407-897-3414; facebook.com/kickbrightzineshop.

Longwood Pirate Seafood Festival

Family-friendly event features a variety of food vendors, plus pirates, mermaids and more. Saturday-Sunday; Reiter Park, 301 W. Warren Ave., Longwood; free; longwoodfestival.com.

Operation Green Light

Allows Orange County residents to pay overdue court obligations while saving the 25 percent collections surcharge. 7:30 am WednesdayFriday; Orange County Courthouse, 425 N. Orange Ave.; free; 407- 836 2316; myorangeclerk.com.

South Street Sweethearts: Spring Edition Soft Friends, Kat Puglisi,

Doe Creative, and Alyssa Maldonado Design. Plus brunch by Easy Luck, drink deals from Whippoorwill. 10 am Sunday; Whippoorwill Beer House and Package Store, 2425 E. South St.; 321355-3964; whippoorwillorlando.com.

There Will Be Stories Story

Slam: I Quit! Bring a 5-minute (mostly) true story about quitting something to win up to $100. Stories must be told without props or notes. 7 pm Thursday; Stardust Video and Coffee, 1842 E. Winter Park Road; free; 813-665-0992; facebook.com/stardustie.

Uptown Art Expo

More than 140 art exhibits, chalk street paintings, festival foods, and live music all weekend long. Friday-Sunday; Cranes Roost Park, 274 Cranes Roost Blvd., Altamonte Springs; free; 407592-0002; uptownartexpo.com. n

ARIES (March 21-April 19): If we were to choose one person to illustrate the symbolic power of astrology, it might be Aries financier and investment banker J.P. Morgan (1837–1913). His astrological chart strongly suggested he would be one of the richest people of his era. The sun, Mercury, Pluto and Venus were in Aries in his astrological house of finances. Those four heavenly bodies were trine to Jupiter and Mars in Leo in the house of work. Further, sun, Mercury, Pluto and Venus formed a virtuoso “Finger of God” aspect with Saturn in Scorpio and the moon in Virgo. Anyway, Aries, the financial omens for you right now aren’t as favorable as they always were for J.P. Morgan — but they are pretty auspicious. Venus, Uranus and the north node of the moon are in your house of finances, to be joined for a bit by the moon itself in the coming days. My advice: Trust your intuition about money. Seek inspiration about your finances.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “The only thing new in the world,” said former U.S. President Harry Truman, “is the history you don’t know.” Luckily for all of us, researchers have been growing increasingly skilled in unearthing buried stories. Three examples?

No. 1: Before the U.S. Civil War, six Black Americans escaped slavery and became millionaires. (Check out the book Black Fortunes by Shomari Wills.) No. 2: Over 10,000 women secretly worked as codebreakers in World War II, shortening the war and saving many lives. No. 3: Four Black women mathematicians played a major role in NASA’s early efforts to launch people into space. Dear Taurus, I invite you to enjoy this kind of work in the coming weeks. It’s an excellent time to dig up the history you don’t know — about yourself, your family and the important figures in your life.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Since you’re at the height of the Party Hearty Season, I’ll offer two bits of advice about how to collect the greatest benefits. First, ex-basketball star Dennis Rodman says that mental preparation is the key to effective partying. He suggests we visualize the pleasurable events we want to experience. We should meditate on how much alcohol and drugs we will imbibe, how uninhibited we’ll allow ourselves to be and how close we can get to vomiting from intoxication without actually vomiting. But wait! Here’s an alternative approach to partying, adapted from Sufi poet Rumi: “The golden hour has secrets to reveal. Be alert for merriment. Be greedy for glee. With your antic companions, explore the frontiers of conviviality. Go in quest of jubilation’s mysterious blessings. Be bold. Revere revelry.”

CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you have been holding yourself back or keeping your expectations low, please STOP! According to my analysis, you have a mandate to unleash your full glory and your highest competence. I invite you to choose as your motto whichever of the following inspires you most: raise the bar, up your game, boost your standards, pump up the volume, vault to a higher octave, climb to the next rung on the ladder, make the quantum leap, or put your ass and assets on the line.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): According to an ad I saw for a luxury automobile, you should enjoy the following adventures in the course of your lifetime: Ride the rapids on the Snake River in Idaho, stand on the Great Wall of China, see an opera at La Scala in Milan, watch the sun rise over the ruins of Machu Picchu, go paragliding over Japan’s Asagiri highland plateau with Mount Fuji in view, and visit the pink flamingos, black bulls and white horses in France’s Camargue Nature Reserve. The coming weeks would be a favorable time for you to seek experiences like those, Leo. If that’s not possible, do the next best things. Like what? Get your mind blown and your heart thrilled closer to home by a holy sanctuary, natural wonder, marvelous work of art — or all of the above.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): It’s an excellent time to shed the dull, draining parts of your life story. I urge you to bid a crisp goodbye to your burdensome memories. If there are pesky ghosts hanging around from the ancient past, buy them a one-way ticket to a place far away from you. It’s OK to feel poignant, OK to entertain any sadness and regret that well up within you. Allowing yourself to fully experience these feelings will help you be as bold and decisive as you need to be to graduate from the old days and old ways.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Your higher self has authorized you to become impatient with the evolution of togetherness. You have God’s permission to feel a modicum of dissatisfaction with your collaborative ventures — and wish they might be richer and more captivating than they are now. Here’s the cosmic plan: This creative irritation will motivate you to implement enhancements. You will take imaginative action to boost the energy and synergy of your alliances. Hungry for more engaging intimacy, you will do what’s required to foster greater closeness and mutual empathy.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Scorpio poet

Richard Jackson writes, “The world is a nest of absences. Every once in a while, someone comes along to fill the gaps.” I will add a crucial caveat to his statement: No one person can fill all the gaps. At best, a beloved ally may fill one or two. It’s just not possible for anyone to be a shining savior who fixes every single absence. If we delusionally believe there is such a hero, we will distort or miss the partial grace they can actually provide. So here’s my advice, Scorpio: Celebrate and reward a redeemer who has the power to fill one or two of your gaps.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Poet e.e. cummings wrote, “May my mind stroll about hungry and fearless and thirsty and supple.” That’s what I hope and predict for you during the next three weeks. The astrological omens suggest you will be at the height of your powers of playful exploration. Several long-term rhythms are converging to make you extra flexible and resilient and creative as you seek the resources and influences that your soul delights in. Here’s your secret code phrase: higher love.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Let’s hypothesize that there are two ways to further your relaxation: either in healthy or not-so-healthy ways — by seeking experiences that promote your long-term wellbeing, or by indulging in temporary fixes that sap your vitality. I will ask you to meditate on this question. Then I will encourage you to spend the next three weeks avoiding and shedding any relaxation strategies that diminish you as you focus on and celebrate the relaxation methods that uplift, inspire and motivate you.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Please don’t expect people to guess what you need. Don’t assume they have telepathic powers that enable them to tune in to your thoughts and feelings. Instead, be specific and straightforward as you precisely name your desires. For example, say or write to an intense ally, “I want to explore ticklish areas with you between 7 and 9 on Friday night.” Or approach a person with whom you need to forge a compromise and spell out the circumstances under which you will feel most open-minded and open-hearted. P.S.: Don’t you dare hide your truth or lie about what you consider meaningful.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Piscean writer Jack Kerouac feared he had meager power to capture the wonderful things that came his way. He compared his frustration with “finding a river of gold when I haven’t even got a cup to save a cupful. All I’ve got is a thimble.” Most of us have felt that way. That’s the bad news. The good news, Pisces, is that in the coming weeks, you will have extra skill at gathering in the goodness and blessings flowing in your vicinity. I suspect you will have the equivalent of three buckets to collect the liquid gold.

I’m a straight cis woman who could never orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. But suddenly I am able to come just from vaginal penetration now that I’m middle-aged! This was never the case for me before, and I’ve never heard another cis woman talk about suddenly being able to come during PIV after hitting her late 30s. Is this common?

Suddenly Having Intensely Felt Tremors

“We too often think about orgasms as stable or unchanging,” says Dr. Debby Herbenick, a professor at the Indiana University of Public Health, a prolific and widely published and cited sex researcher, pundit and author, and director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion. “In fact, orgasms sometimes shift over time or in response to certain life stages or body experiences — experiences such as pregnancy, the postpartum period or menopause.”

While Herbenick couldn’t say for sure why you’re so suddenly able to come from just PIV alone — something most women can’t do — she did share some possible explanations.

“First, it may just be learning over time, especially if SHIFT has a new partner, is exploring in new ways with a long-term partner, or is paying attention to vaginal sensation in ways SHIFT perhaps didn’t before,” Herbenick says. “Or maybe SHIFT’s just open to the experience now in ways she wasn’t earlier.”

Basically, SHIFT, if you ran out of fucks to give — something most women eventually do — and consequently became more vocal and assertive about your pleasure and the positions, speeds, depths of penetration, etc., that work best for you, you could be experiencing PIV very differently now.

“Another option is anatomical change,” Herbenick says. “While the changes are slowmoving, cisgender women do experience anatomical shifts — the angle of vagina in the body can change over time. I’ve always found this fascinating, and this may be contributing to how intercourse feels for SHIFT. Because along with changes in vaginal angle come changes in how the vagina and cervix may be stimulated during intercourse.”

If the angle of your vagina has shifted even slightly, SHIFT, the angle or angles of penetration that work best for you now — new angles that hit you just right — could be stimulating your clit, internally or externally or both, in ways PIV didn’t use to.

“Another possibility could be shifts related to hormones and the brain,” Herbenick says. “If SHIFT is around perimenopause or menopause, no doubt she’s noticed a range of ways that hormonal changes are affecting ways that her body feels. Orgasm is not just about the clitoris or vagina; these are stimulating points, but they’re only one part of what contributes to orgasm. How we sense and perceive those sensations are influenced by our brain, which is also influenced by hormones.”

Finally, SHIFT, assuming you can still come from oral, manual and vibrational stimulation,

I think we can safely file your question — suddenly being able to come from another kind of stimulation — in the “good problem to have” drawer. Enjoy!

Follow Dr. Herbenick on Twitter @DebbyHerbenick and on Instagram @DrDebbyHerbenick.

While trying to fall asleep the other night, insomnia struck again, and I decided to use the masturbation trick to knock myself out. I must have struck a creative nerve because a question popped into my head: Could I penetrate myself with my own penis? I’m a straight man and I’ve never received anal but the thought of giving has always aroused me. Could I give it to myself? Since fully erect obviously wouldn’t work, I relaxed, lubed up and only massaged myself to a state of semi-engorgement. And I was able to do it! And then, after applying a little pressure to the base of my cock, I was able to create an in-andout piston-like action that made me come right away! In my own ass! Does that have a name? Could I hurt myself if I do it a lot? Despite being a straight man, I’m not at all bothered by what I did — if anything, I’m bothered it took me 30 years to figure this out. Did I miss the boat by not watching any gay porn? Please enlighten me!

Suddenly Having Intensely Felt Tremors

Last week a hateful right-wing troll told me to go fuck myself —not something I need to do for myself, as I have people for that — and this week a straight reader of mine goes and fucks himself Coincidence? Or did reading my column last week, which I assume GAFM did, plant a seed in him? Anyway, GAFM, hung dudes who can fuck themselves — guys who can twist their own hard cocks around far enough to slip them into their own asses and then rock back and forth on their taints until they come in themselves — were