On (small) Screens

[ film + tv ]

Ryan Murphy adapts a real-life stalker story in The Watcher, premiering Thursday on Netflix

ON (small) SCREENS IN ORLANDO

Streaming premieres you won’t want to miss

by Steve Schneider

PHOTO COURTESY NETFLIX

PREMIERES WEDNESDAY:

Belascoarán, P.I. — The Mexico City of the 1970s is the setting for a crime series whose title character quits his corporate job and “dull marriage” to become a private investigator. I bet his first case doesn’t concern missing alimony payments. (Netflix) Big Shot — Season 2 finds John Stamos’ Coach Korn trying to get his girls’ basketball team on ESPN by recruiting a trouble-prone player from the world of volleyball. Just as long as she didn’t steal $75 million from welfare, because then that station wouldn’t mention her at all. (Disney+) Easy Bake Battle — Amateur chefs compete for a $100,000 prize by whipping up delicacies in a Hasbro Easy Bake Oven. Sorry if you saw the title and got excited because you thought there was now a cooking competition specifically for stoners. (Netflix) I Love You, You Hate Me — This docuseries uses the widespread antipathy toward Barney the purple dinosaur as a symbol of the impulse to hate that’s supposedly tearing our civilization apart. So world peace and harmony depend upon passively accepting the punishingly insipid? Sounds like a certain streaming service isn’t terribly confident about its upcoming kids’ shows! (Peacock)

PREMIERES THURSDAY:

Dark Glasses — Dario Argento’s first horror film in 10 years has a little Chinese boy helping a blind prostitute run from a serial killer. It’s probably not the best time to point out that Argento’s daughter, Asia, who also appears in the flick, is an unrepentant child molester. Hope she didn’t have any script notes. (Shudder) Dead End: Paranormal Park — In Season 2 of this animated hit, the kids shoulder the responsibility of being named the park’s Demon Clean-up Crew. Which may sound daunting, but on the list of most stressful Halloween Horror Nights jobs, it rates about a 4. (Netflix) Exception — The sci-fi/horror side of anime is explored in a series that follows the human race into the cosmos to find a new home planet. Sure you want to make the move right now, guys? The market is a bitch. (Netflix) The Playlist — Did we really need a series dramatization of the creation of Spotify? Somebody apparently thought so, and I’ll wager that somebody liked The Social Network for all the wrong reasons. I’ll only be interested if they show the company principals deciding their artist royalty rate by flicking hot pennies at homeless people. (Netflix) She Will — The great Alice Krige plays a woman who develops psychic powers of revenge after she undergoes a double mastectomy. I wish something cool like that had happened after they took my gallbladder out, but all I got was the runs whenever I eat at Krystal. (Shudder) Someone Borrowed — It’s hard to believe Brazil has taken so long to get on board with the trope “perennial single type convinces someone to pose as their romantic partner for $$$.” But now that they have, via this self-styled hearttugger of a feature, maybe the industry can finally move on to ripping off other episodes of That Girl. (Netflix) Sue Perkins: Perfectly Legal — The British multimedia personality travels to South America to witness all the dodgy behavior you can get away with there and still enjoy the protection of the law. The show would have been out sooner, but three of the camera operators’ wives disappeared under mysterious circumstances. (Netflix) The Watcher — The frustratingly inexhaustible Ryan Murphy presents yet another original series, in which Naomi Watts and Bobby Cannavale play a married couple tormented by a mysterious stalker in their New Jersey town. The show is based on a real case that played out 10 minutes from where I grew up and has never been solved, but I don’t want you to read anything into the fact that I’m writing these words 1,000 miles from there. (Netflix)

PREMIERES FRIDAY:

The Curse of Bridge Hollow — Damon Wayans, Kelly Rowland and Stranger Things’ Priah Ferguson star in a family comedy about an evil spell that causes a neighborhood’s Halloween decorations to come to life. What did they expect for that $185 they spent at Spirit, insurance? (Netflix) Everything Calls for Salvation — The memoirs of the briefly institutionalized Daniele Mencarelli become an Italian miniseries that shows what wonders a week in enforced psychiatric care can do for the human soul. Now if we could just get that new prime minister of theirs to stop squirming and put her hands through the straps. (Netflix) Holy Family — The protective impulses of motherhood are pushed to their limit in a Spanish thriller series that sees a woman and her baby moving to Madrid to escape the secrets in their past. Well, not the baby’s past, per se. Because what could it have gotten up to already? (Netflix) Rosaline — Here’s a fresh take on the legend of Romeo and Juliet: What if Juliet’s cousin had dated Romeo first, and tried to win him back? Could be a fun story. But I hope they don’t mess with the original’s happy ending. (Hulu) Shantaram — After escaping from prison, a Westerner finds an unexpected calling as a medic to the poor in the Bombay of the 1980s. “Yeah, that sounds like a lot more fun than Mexico,” says Tim Robbins, barely suppressing a snicker. (Apple TV+) Take 1 — Some of the top music artists on the South Korean scene take part in a reality series that gives them one pass only at pulling off the greatest performance of their career. Please God, let this be the mashup of “We Are the World” and Squid Game we’ve all been waiting for. (Netflix)

PREMIERES MONDAY:

The Paloni Show! Halloween Special! — Rick and Morty creator Justin Roiland revives a concept he failed to sell to Fox 13 years ago, turning it into a compendium of Halloweenthemed shorts hosted by a squabbling family. If you’ve had anything lying around since 2009 you think might still be good, please consider Mercari. (Hulu) Waffles + Mochi’s Restaurant — This season, the puppets open their very own eatery, inviting guests like Michelle Obama to share the benefits of a sensible diet. And to dish about what they think is really in Ivana Trump’s coffin. (Netflix)

PREMIERES TUESDAY:

Batwheels — Hot on the (w)heels of last month’s preview movie, here’s a full series in which the Batmobile, the Batwing and other crime-fighting vehicles are sentient creatures determined to do their part in the war against crime. The target audience is preschoolers — which is animation-industry code for “grownups on acid.” (HBO Max) Gabriel Iglesias: Stadium Fluffy — In the first-ever comedy concert to be held at L.A.’s Dodger Stadium, local boy Iglesias remembers what it was like to grow up in that very neighborhood. For one thing, I bet nobody could have afforded to go to a concert at Dodger Stadium. (Netflix) Unsolved Mysteries: Volume 3 — Three bonechilling true tales per week will be parceled out between now and Nov. 1. Hmmm … a third season consisting of three-story episodes for three weeks? I’m sensing a theme here. (For her part, Lauren Boebert is sure it adds up to the Number of the Beast.) (Netflix)