On (small) Screens

[ film + tv ]

The Romans launch a fresh attack on Germania in Barbarians II, premiering Friday on Netflix

ON (small) SCREENS IN ORLANDO

Streaming premieres you won’t want to miss

by Steve Schneider

PHOTO COURTESY NETFLIX

PREMIERES WEDNESDAY:

Love Is Blind — As Season 3 commences, producers are facing criticism that only two of the couples that have participated so far are still married. But look, nobody gets to tell Marjorie Taylor Greene what to do. (Netflix) Notre Dame: La Part du Feu — The disastrous 2019 cathedral blaze is the subject of a miniseries dramatization, the subtitle of which translates roughly as “the part about the fire.” Should a subject this serious really be getting the Friends treatment? (Netflix) The Rebellious Life of Mrs. Rosa Parks — The first full-length documentary about the civil-rights icon shows that her commitment to righting societal wrongs went further than simply refusing to change her seat on one bus. For instance, she also had a lot to say on the subject of jam rock. (Peacock) The School for Good & Evil — Paul Feig adapts the 2013 fantasy novel about two girls who find themselves on opposite sides of an epic fairytale battle. But get this: The ugly one’s with the good guys and the pretty one’s down with the bad! Only in Hollywood, I tell ya. (Netflix) The Stranger — This Harlan Coben adaptation is set in motion when a husband meets a young woman in a baseball cap, who tells him a secret that causes his wife to go missing: “Just because you got married on Love Is Blind doesn’t mean you have to stay married.” (Netflix)

PREMIERES THURSDAY:

Inside Amy Schumer — Schumer told The Hollywood Reporter that she’s ready to “burn any remaining bridges” in Season 5 of her sketch show. Which leaves only one question unanswered: Jeff or Todd? (Paramount+) Legacy — HBO Asia sends us a serialized drama set in the China of the 1920s, where the daughters of a wealthy shopping-mall magnate fight for control of his fortune. There are reportedly more than 40 episodes, which is about four for every store that’s still open in Orlando Fashion Square. (HBO Max) One of Us Is Lying — In Season 2, our teen sleuths face the consequences of having covered up the accidental death of the murderer they tracked down in Season 1. Honestly, I don’t know why we don’t let kids make mistakes anymore. Imagine if full and proper punishment befell every one of us who had ever worn parachute pants. (Peacock)

Vatican Girl: The Disappearance of Emanuela

Orlandi — Four documentary episodes reopen the case of a teenage girl who went missing from Vatican City in 1983 — a mystery that remains unsolved to this day. Oh sure, but if one solid-gold salad fork was suddenly unaccounted for, the papal Dobermans would have it sniffed out by sundown. (Netflix) V/H/S/99 — The found-footage anthology franchise turns its clock back to the turn of the last century, with segments that reference the cultural terrors of the time period, including the Y2K bug and the rise of Fred Durst. No, I’m serious, he’s really in there. When life hands me a good joke, I don’t step on it. I’m not Rob Zombie or something! (Shudder)

PREMIERES FRIDAY:

20th Century Girl — A high-school student finds herself falling for her best friend’s crush in a South Korean romantic drama that’s set in the year 1999. Hey, what are the odds the “crush” is Fred Durst? (Netflix) Acapulco — Máximo is nursing big dreams in Season 2, hoping to parlay his job as a cabana boy into full ownership of the Las Colinas resort. That seems like a pretty huge leap. He should probably focus his intention on something more realistic, like cuckolding Jerry Falwell Jr. (Apple TV+) Argentina, 1985 — Argentina’s submission to the next Academy Awards is a historical drama about the brave prosecutors who secured convictions against that country’s disgraced military dictatorship. I’ll tell ya, things sure were quieter when Madonna ran the place. (Amazon Prime) Barbarians II — The Romans launch a fresh attack on Germania in Season 2, sending Ari and Thusnelda scrambling to unite the tribes and even pitting Ari against his own brother. Sad business, but at least it’s nice to know there’s a historical precedent for the Baldwins. (Netflix) Descendant — A documentary team takes us inside an Alabama town populated by descendants of the last slave ship to reach America — some 40 years after the practice had ostensibly been outlawed. When you’re done watching, check your Twitter, because I believe Kanye may have some thoughts. (Netflix) From Scratch — Zoe Saldaña stars in a limited series adapted from Tembi Locke’s autobiographical story about finding love in Italy and dealing with the catastrophic illness that ensued. Expect big viewership among white empaths who once got food poisoning at Macaroni Grill. (Netflix) Ghostwriter — Season 3 has an entirely new cast of kids interacting with characters straight out of classic children’s literature, with the source material to include The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, Charlotte’s Web and … “She’s a Rainbow” by the Rolling Stones? Man, thank your lucky stars “When the Whip Comes Down” was a separate license. (Apple TV+) Joe Bob’s Haunted Halloween Hangout — Everybody’s favorite kitschmeister and his crew show two fright flicks and welcome a surprise guest of great renown to the terror community. They must have booked far in advance, because that Matt Walsh is one busy dude. (Shudder) Oni: Thunder God’s Tale — Stop-motion animation and CGI are both used to render the adventures of a young girl who’s determined to take her place among history’s great warriors. Wait ‘til she finds out how many of them never showed up for basic training. (Netflix) The Peripheral — The creative team behind Westworld and star Chloe Grace Moretz offer their interpretation of William Gibson’s 2014 novel, in which heroes from the 21st and 22nd centuries team up to forestall an international crisis. Meanwhile, you and your partner can’t even agree that you should watch this. (Amazon Prime) Raymond & Ray — Ethan Hawke and Ewan McGregor play half-brothers who have to reconcile with their past after their father passes away. If you ask me, Ray is just miffed because Raymond got the lion’s share of the D. (Apple TV+) Vale Dos Esquecidos — The Brazilian city of Paranapiacaba was the inspiration for this thriller series set in a mysterious village that’s cloaked in eternal fog. Maybe they should have shot it in Tallahassee, because everybody there is in a fog. Politicians, sheesh! (HBO Max)

PREMIERES TUESDAY:

The Bouilet Brothers’ Dragula: Titans — The spooky drag hit gets an all-star spinoff, with 10 contestants from the past four seasons competing to win $100,000 and the title of Supermonster. Guest judges include Joe Bob Briggs and Elvira — who was wearing jet-black fright wigs, bodice-hugging Morticia dresses and dangerous nails back when you didn’t have to be a guy to do it! (Shudder) Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities — It’s always a red-letter day when Guillermo del Toro actually completes a project, so interest is sky-high in seeing him make like Rod Serling by hosting his own anthology of spine-tingling tales. What’s more, he actually wrote two of the eight shows himself, which in the del Toro pantheon practically qualifies him for a PPP loan. (Netflix)