Get Weird With It

A look

2019, fans started creating a rivalry with the Vipers.

“The Vipers have been rapidly singled out as the Battlehawks’ arch enemies, owing both to the simple nature of birds and snakes (the former find the latter to be a tasty snack) as well as their fans’ apparently unorthodox bathroom habits,” RFT’s Daniel Hill wrote in 2019. Vipers fans were rumored to “poop standing up” and “eat wings with a spoon,” according to Facebook fan page messages. “In keeping, the hatred that Battlehawks fans hold for the detestable Vipers burns with the intensity of a thousand suns,” Hill concluded.

The Vipers fans, then in Tampa Bay, may not have ever even been aware of the rivalry. If they were, it’s unlikely they bothered to tell anyone in Las Vegas about it when the team moved there.

Many Vipers fans in Las Vegas were reportedly confused by the vitriol being hurled their way by St. Louis on message boards. Despite the move, the Las Vegas Vipers exhibit the same vices as their Tampa Bay counterparts: Vipers fans still shit standing up and their players wear ballet slippers, size 7 1/2.

March 25 will be a day people finally find out which is the better team — but for this rivalry, what happens on the field seems less important than what happens on the message boards. n at

why one viewer is watching the XFL

BY RYAN KRULL

When I caught up with St. Louis stand up comedian and huge football fan Jake Beckman, he was reeling and wallowing in despair.

Beckman, 31, is a longtime Philadelphia Eagles fan. We talked on the day after the Eagles took a tough loss in the Super Bowl against the Kansas City Chiefs.

“There’s a spot right next to my couch where I stand, and when I stand there, the Eagles do well,” he says. Despite Beckman dutifully standing where he needed to, “we started playing referee-ball in the last two minutes of the game. And I totally threw up. I cried. It was a whole lot.”

However, more football was on the horizon. The St. Louis Battlehawks kicked off their 10-game season February 19.

It would be a stretch to say that Beckman is taking solace in this. But he will be watching. He’s hoping that things get weird.

“I don’t know if ‘sideshow’ is going to be the right word for it,” he says. “But it’s going to be fun and it’s going to be stuff that you’re not expecting, stuff that you wouldn’t normally see in a football game.”

Every Sunday, the NFL season features the world’s best football players squaring off against each other. While XFL players are very good, they’re not elite, which leads to some idiosyncratic play.

“I’m not saying this is going to happen every game, but there’s going to be players who are just going to consistently dominate the person that’s lined up across from them,” he says.

He compares play in the XFL to a professional version of college football’s Sun Belt Conference, a collection of not-household-name teams like the Coastal Carolina University Chanticleers and the University of South Alabama Jaguars.

“You get these incredibly bizarre plays where the center snaps the ball over the quarterback’s head. And you’re just like,

‘Oh my god, this is going to be a disaster.’ But the quarterback ends up grabbing the ball, pitching to a running back who takes it for 75 yards,” Beckman says.

Weirdness was on full display during the Battlehawks’ first game this year against the San Antonio Brahmas. The Battlehawks were down 15-3 with a minute and a half left. Quarterback A.J. McCarron was able to complete an 18yard pass for a touchdown. Then the Battlehawks went for a threepoint conversion.

In the XFL, teams can attempt a 4th and 15 from their 25-yard line. The Battlehawks were able to convert the 4th and 15, and with 16 seconds left pulled ahead to win the game 18 to 15.

Fans were stunned, and the game was the most viewed in the XFL with 2.3 million viewers. The Battlehawks second game was also a come-from-behind win.

“It’s fun,” Beckman says about XFL play.

XFL owner Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has hired a number of coaches who have had distinguished careers in the NFL or in elite college programs. They’re coming to this league with their legacies secured. Beckman says that he’s hoping this will lead to teams playing fast, loose and, most importantly, entertaining games.

“I’m hoping that the Rock sat all the head coaches down and said, ‘Hey, get weird with it guys. Like, get really weird with it.’” n