Riverfront Times, September 13, 2023

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Owner, Chief Executive Officer and Publisher Chris Keating Executive Editor Sarah Fenske

EDITORIAL

Managing Editor Jessica Rogen

Digital Content Editor Jaime Lees

Editor at Large Daniel Hill

Staff Writers Ryan Krull, Monica Obradovic Dining Critic Cheryl Baehr Theater Critic Tina Farmer

Music Critic Steve Leftridge

Contributors Aaron Childs, Max Bouvatte, Thomas Crone, Mike Fitzgerald, Virginia Harold, Reuben Hemmer, Braden McMakin, Tony Rehagen, Mabel Suen, Theo Welling Columnists Chris Andoe, Dan Savage

ART & PRODUCTION

Art Director Evan Sult

Creative Director Haimanti Germain Graphic Designer Aspen Smit

MULTIMEDIA ADVERTISING

Associate Publisher Colin Bell

Account Manager Jennifer Samuel

Directors of Business Development Tony Burton, Rachel Hoppman

BUSINESS

Regional Operations Director Emily Fear

CIRCULATION

Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers

BIG LOU HOLDINGS

VP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein

NATIONAL ADVERTISING

VMG Advertising 1-888-278-9866, vmgadvertising.com

SUBSCRIPTIONS

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FRONT BURNER

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 4. Happy Labor Day to all — and especially all those who don’t get holidays like this off. We salute your essential work.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5. State Rep. Bill Eigel is running for governor, which makes a three-person race with Lt. Governor Mike Kehoe and House Minority Leader Crystal Quade. Eigel’s main impact thus far is to make Kehoe look reasonable — which, this being Missouri, sadly makes Eigel the guy to watch. Meanwhile, COVID-19 cases are rising again, with about 150 confirmed St. Louis County infections every day, but no one seems to care What y’all do care about is the diarrhea flight that was headed from Atlanta to Barcelona until someone got the runs. Take it from us: Don’t do a Google image search on this one.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 6. The Cardinals win 11-6 over the first-place Braves, which is the equivalent of man bites dog this summer. Back home, three Ladue

Previously On LAST WEEK IN ST. LOUIS

Watkins High students crash into a house in University City (oddly, co-owned by St. Louis Alderwoman Sharon Tyus), and all three die. Police apparently tried to stop the car hours earlier after seeing it speeding but lost sight of it. Sad, telling quote from the Post-Dispatch: “Esther Carter, who has lived for decades near the scene, said crashes are common on the bend near the vacant home but that drivers typically hit a light pole or a tree rather than the home.”

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 7. Washington University goes loan-free; if families qualify for aid, they’ll get grants instead of repayment plans. Pretty huge. Also, the PostDispatch reports that a block-long stretch

5 QUESTIONS for Benjamin Hochman

Readers of the Post-Dispatch know Benjamin Hochman as a sports columnist, and he’s also the author of four non-fiction books about sports. But this week, he adds a new line to his resume: playwright. Shakespeare in the Streets will present his soccer-themed play, The Game’s Afoot, September 14 to 16 in downtown St. Louis. (See stlshakes.org/production/soccer for more information.) Hochman recently explained how he has St. Louis’ famous high school connections to thank for this commission — and why this play is for soccer lovers, not just theater fans.

This interview has been edited for clarity and length.

Have you ever written a play before this?

One. In 1998 at Clayton High School, I wrote the student-run musical about baseball, called The Franchise. One of the thespians at Clayton High was Ellie Schwetye [now co-founder of local theater company SATE]. She was recently at a party with Adam Flores, who is the director of Shakespeare in the Streets. And he was like, “Man, this year we want to do a sports-themed soccer play. I don’t know anybody in the sports community, though. She’s like, “I got a guy.” So I joke that every quarter-century I write a play about sports.

So now you’ve written a play inspired by Shakespeare.

It’s been a tough journey since, personally, I’m more of a Christopher Marlowe guy.

And this is based on the Henriad. Even many Shakespeare fans don’t know what that is.

So the Henriad is just a fancy way of saying Henry IV and Henry V. Adam Flores has been my co-pilot in this, and he suggested we do those plays as our inspiration because notably, in the climactic scene in Henry V, it features the famous St. Crispin’s Day speech (“we few, we happy few, we band of brothers”). Adam calls it the first-ever locker room speech. So of course, our cast does that speech before the big game.

Henry IV introduced the world to Falstaff. Do you have Falstaff in your play?

There is a performer, Keating, who has done a lot of productions in St. Louis over the years. Keating is amazing as Falstaff and just nails

of Grand Boulevard near Powell Hall has been closed for six weeks — and could be closed for nine more since “chunks of masonry” keep falling off the University Club building. Everything in St. Louis is broken

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 8. Congresswoman Cori Bush visits the troubled City Justice Center along with Aldermanic President Megan Green. The last time Bush visited, she was accompanied by newly elected Mayor Tishaura Jones. But don’t read the visit as the sign of a relationship turned cold; Jones, Green and Bush were all at the Local Progress conference convening in St. Louis this week and undoubtedly still pals. The convention touted sessions on “democratizing municipal

finance, community schools, building tenant power, reproductive justice post-Dobbs, media strategies and pro-worker policies.” Nothing about fixing the jails, alas.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 9. KSDK reports that a St. Louis County jury returned a $745 million verdict over the death of a 25-year-old woman in Ballwin. A kid high on fumes from a Whip-It ran his car into the urgent care where she worked. Now, the manufacturer behind the nitrous oxide product is on the hook for $521 million (that’s 70 percent of the total, with the driver and the building owner assigned smaller percentages). In hindsight, Whip-It’s lawyers should have settled this one.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 10. The weather is positively glorious, as the gods smile on Music at the Intersection. Alas, the City Justice Center is apparently so understaffed and overbooked that morning that prisoner processing has to be halted. Something is rotten at the CJC. We await Congresswoman Bush’s full report

the comedy and as such a larger-than-life stage presence. Keating as a star and alone worth — I guess the show’s free, but I was gonna say, alone worth the price of admission.

Sounds like it’s going to be awesome for Shakespeare lovers. What about people who are into soccer? Will it be fun for them even if they’re not theater people?

That’s the whole point. I mean, admittedly, I wasn’t much of a Shakespeare guy before this. So yes, this is a play for St. Louis first and foremost. And to the soccer community: I wrote it to pay homage to you. The play teaches the history of St. Louis soccer. It captures the culture of St. Louis soccer. It puts it in a way that we can all relate to. There’s so many name drops and cameos along the way. Lori Kolodny Lawson, the famous soccer player from here, she’ll be on stage for one of the nights. It’s just an homage to who we are as a soccer community.

—Sarah Fenske

Benjamin Hochman has made St. Louis soccer downright Shakespearean. | COURTESY OF BENJAMIN HOCHMAN

SOMETIMES IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS THAT COUNT

CHARRED HUSK WATCH

Where: Clayton Avenue and Graham Street, Dogtown

When: Saturday, August 26

What: a camper that has been burnt to a crisp

How: Was it a meth lab run amok, out-of-control weenie roast, stray firework?

Who can explain the fiery fury that must have led to this burnt shell?

And yet: It must have been something to watch.

15 SECONDS OF FAME

OCTOGENARIAN BRAWLER OF THE WEEK

Virginia Olsen

Give it up for today’s seniors! They refuse to surrender to old age and creaking joints. Instead, they stay active with high-energy hobbies — like pummeling their enemies with umbrellas and kicking them in the groin. Yikes.

The facts are these: 80-year-old Virginia Olsen of Galesburg, Illinois, is facing criminal charges after a fight in the city’s Carondelet neighborhood on September 5. She and a 59-year-old man allegedly beat another man to the point that he had to be taken to the hospital. Olsen’s co-conspirator supposedly beat the guy with a bat while Olsen kicked him in the balls and hurled racial slurs at him. She also struck him repeatedly with something that looked like an umbrella. So Virginia Olsen, props for not letting age stop you. But maybe next time, let age stop you.

SARAH FENSKE

Virginia Olsen doesn’t run from a fight. | ST. LOUIS POLICE

Circus Told to Cease in Laclede’s

Landing

Flotsam’s ‘do and ask forgiveness later’ policy didn’t fly in St. Louis

Written by MONICA OBRADOVIC

Atraveling circus that performed on St. Louis’ riverfront Friday had to scramble to find a new spot after a staffer in Mayor Tishaura Jones’ office told the circus to cease its performances.

The Flotsam River Circus announced Saturday that due to “some powers within the city,” circus members were working to find another location in St. Louis after hosting one performance near Laclede’s Landing the previous night.

Flotsam has given free performances along the Mississippi River since its troupe of performers, puppeteers and musicians launched from Minnesota in a homemade raft about six weeks ago. Before St. Louis, the circus performed up river in Alton and Grafton.

Hundreds of people showed up for Flotsam’s performance Friday night, performer Jason Webley says. But he later received a notification from the mayor’s office to “cease unauthorized events on

Oversight Board Was Blocked From Helping Man

Terrence Smith has been identified as the latest death in the St. Louis jail

Written by RYAN KRULL

The man who died in St. Louis city jail custody on August 30 had been the focus of an anonymous complaint into the conditions of his incarceration. But when a member of the city’s Division of Civilian Oversight sought to investigate the anonymous report at the City Justice Center, they were barred from the facility.

That’s according to Mike Milton, a member of the Detention Facility Over-

the riverfront immediately.”

Webley admits Flotsam’s approach is usually “do and ask forgiveness later.”

The circus did not have a permit to per-

form in St. Louis.

Mayoral spokesperson Nick Dunne confirms that Director of Operations Nancy Cross contacted Flotsam Circus. He

cess to the City Justice Center, they can’t do their jobs.

“We could have saved this man’s life,” Milton tells the RFT. “[Corrections Commissioner] Jennifer [Clemons-Abdullah] actually turned them away when they tried to investigate that situation.”

The anonymous complaint was made in April, Milton says. Only now, as the deceased detainee has been identified as Terrence Smith, are members connecting his death with the complaint they tried to act on.

On August 30, in the early morning hours, Smith suffered what Department of Public Safety spokesman Monte Chambers called “a medical emergency” in the jail infirmary. An ambulance took the 55-year-old Smith to the hospital around 1:30 a.m., and he was pronounced dead at 3:35 a.m.

says neither the city nor the Port Authority were notified of Flotsam’s intentions. Normally, such performances require a permit and proof of liability insurance.

“There’s a lot of different departments and different entities that needed to be notified about this so we could be prepared in case of emergency,” Dunne says. “We want to welcome performances and arts opportunities for people to engage with downtown on the riverfront, but it doesn’t matter what type of event it is — they need a permit.”

St. Louis was Flotsam’s last stop after performing in 30 towns along the Mississippi River. Most warmly welcomed the circus, Webley says. Some towns allowed Flotsam to perform in their marinas for free. Local businesses have fed performers.

“It’s ultimately our fault for not finding the right route to securing a permit, but it’s going to be a really sad end to a magical trip if we get shut down here,” Webley says.

A touring musician who has visited St. Louis several times, Webley says he had been looking forward to the stop.

“St. Louis is a troubled and magical place, and the riverfront has so much potential to come back to life,” he says. “It’d be nice to see cool stuff happen there from time to time.”

After the text from Cross, the circus pivoted to perform at a boat ramp near the Mural Mile downtown, still within city limits. Those performances went off without a hitch. n

For months, the oversight board has called for Mayor Tishaura Jones to fire Clemons-Abdullah, and the board has accused both leaders of blocking its oversight work. Two weeks ago, oversight board vice-chair Janis Mensah was forcibly removed from the jail and charged with trespassing after trying to investigate Smith’s death. A video the RFT obtained from the city last week shows a limp Mensah being carried to a police van by officers after they were taken from the jail. They says they were unconscious for most of the interaction and only woke up at the hospital.

sight Board tasked with overseeing conditions in the city jail. Milton and other members have long complained bitterly that they are being blocked from doing their jobs — and that without having ac-

The revelations about the oversight board being blocked by jail administration from investigating Smith’s conditions in the jail prior to his death come amid growing tension between the board and Clemons-Abdullah, who was appointed head of city corrections in 2021.

The specifics of the anonymous complaint about Smith’s living conditions are unknown. However, KMOV’s Shoshana Stahl has reported that, in April, Smith fell off the top bunk of a bed in his cell, injuring his spine and upper extremities. Smith was released to a hospital for a few weeks before returning to the jail.

Smith had been arrested in January on murder charges.

The Department of Public Safety did not respond to a request seeking comment.

Terrence Smith, 55, was the eighth person to die in the custody of the St. Louis jail since January 2022. | ST. LOUIS POLICE

The Flotsam River Circus wowed the crowd in Laclede’s Landing on Friday. | TORREY PARK

Racist Rant

Came Out of Nowhere

The Kirkwood postal worker harassed by a “Kirkwood Karen” in a now viral video says she’s doing OK

Written by MONICA OBRADOVIC

The day Dawntanya Smith became an internet sensation started as a normal day. Then came the Kirkwood Karen.

Smith supervises a post office in Kirkwood. One day in August, a middle-aged female customer approached her window and asked if Smith could help her obtain her mail from a P.O. box at another post office. The woman asked Smith to call the other post office and have them give her the key — something Smith couldn’t do.

At first, Smith says the customer was nice and cordial. She didn’t raise a fuss when Smith declined her request, but she did say something negative about herself, Smith recalls, which signaled to Smith that something wasn’t all quite right.

A postal worker for 10 years, Smith says she always tries to be nice to people. “I like people, and people can have bad days.” So she walked the woman out of the post office and told her everything would be OK, that “the sun is going to shine.”

“The only thing I’m registering is, ‘Let me help her, let me get her outside,’” Smith says. “Just, ‘Have a great day. It’s going to be OK.’ You know, positive things.”

They left on good terms, Smith says. Then, about five minutes later, the customer returned in a completely different mood.

“It was a totally different situation,” Smith says.

What happened next would be seen by far more people than the handful at the Kirkwood Post Office that day. The woman returned to the post office in a fit of rage — and Smith ended up capturing her tirade in a video that’s since been viewed on social media more than a million times.

The video shows the customer screaming at Smith, a Black wom-

an, saying, “You’re not equal!” She later whipped out her phone to record her own video, and said, “I send it to Trump. Maybe he could do something. And then Obama could sue him.”

The woman walked from her car to the post office’s entrance multiple times during her minuteslong outburst. Once, to viewers’ confusion, she asked Smith where she got her hair done, saying she hadn’t had hers done in five years.

Toward the end of the video, the customer finally left the lot, only to return again. “I tell ya, I’ve had it,” she yells. “Goddamn, you have ruined my life. I sit here. All I want is my mail. My mail!”

The internet immediately pounced on the video, and the woman’s nonsensical arguing made her an easy target. From an outsider’s view, her outburst fit her into the stereotype of a “Karen,” a middle-class white woman who rages against those she perceives as beneath her.

But the customer’s problems run deeper than the “Karen” moniker would suggest. Days after the incident at the post office, court records show, the woman was charged with assault and unlawful use of a weapon for a different incident in which she threatened someone with a knife.

Court records also show a litany of financial troubles. Landlords who have rented to the St. Louis County woman, and sued her for rent, detail a pattern of bizarre

behavior and hostility. One landlord, who asked us not to use his name, fearing retaliation, says he lost nearly $7,000 when the woman refused to pay rent and beat holes into her apartment’s walls and floors the day before her eviction. Another landlord says the woman called the police more than 40 times during the year she rented from him.

Ruth Broome, who briefly rented to the woman in 2017, says the woman once called the police on her for supposedly trying to steal her reading glasses.

“She can appear perfectly normal, but then she can start crying to please not send her to Afghanistan,” Broome says. “She’ll go to Iraq, but not Afghanistan. Just rambling about things that make no sense at all.

“She told me my son was an asshole. I don’t have any sons.”

The RFT attempted to reach the woman several times but has never heard back.

Whether the woman suffers from mental health problems or not, Smith says, some things are “rooted in people,” and it takes the right moment for those feelings to bubble out.

“It’s almost as if this woman had been waiting to say this,” Smith says. “And once she started, everything she had been thinking just came out.”

Smith initially reacted to the interaction with humor. She showed the video she recorded to her co-

workers, laughing and saying, “Look at this lady” and “she was bugging out today.” It took time and people asking her if she was OK for the reality of what she experienced to set in.

“Oftentimes, as Black women, we have to push things aside just to keep going,” Smith says.

She has dealt with a lot of rough customers in her 10 years at the post office. She’s even been called the n-word while carrying mail in Kirkwood. But her interaction with the woman was far more extreme than any other racist altercation she’s experienced.

Yet Smith is barely heard during the video. She only breaks her silence a few times to say “that’s not nice” or “please step off of our lot.” It was her instinct to stay calm, Smith says. But she’s glad she recorded the tirade.

“I’m working in an area where, if I didn’t record it, I would have been the villain and she would have been the victim,” Smith says.

Strangers started calling the post office apologizing for the woman’s behavior and sending Smith flowers after the incident went viral. She’s since “blocked out” most of it and is still processing much of what happened.

Even so, she feels like her brush with online fame has taught her something important.

“I think I’m going to be OK,” Smith says. “Nothing enlightens me more to know that I can go high when somebody goes low.” n

Dawntanya Smith captured video of this woman screaming at her at the Kirkwood Post Office. | SCREENSHOT

Grand as It Gets

Music at the Intersection brought happiness and good times to the Grand Center Arts District

Photos by SARAH LOVETT

Words by SARAH FENSKE

Forbes may have named Grand Center the “most exciting emerging arts district” in the U.S., but it hasn’t always felt like that lately, especially on nights when there’s no theater at

the Fox even as Grand is barricaded on its north end due to a crumbling building and Powell Hall is knee-deep in renovations. But this weekend showed just how vibrant the place can be with the right programming, as thousands of St. Louisans flocked to the streets for Music at the Intersection.

While these photos offer clear proof of just how happy most festival-goers seemed to be, the third annual iteration of the festival wasn’t just good vibes. It also offered absolutely gorgeous weather (80 degrees and no humidity? ’twas a St. Louis miracle) and a bevy of first-rate artists, from Smino and Herbie Hancock to St. Louis’ own the Mighty Pines, Blvck Spvde, Root Mod and more. Add sightings of Mister Gary of beloved public access TV show Them Yo People! and you know it was a great day. We’re already counting down to next year. n

A CELEBRATION OF THE UNIQUE AND FASCINATING ASPECTS OF OUR HOME

My Dad,

If you are like most people, you take pride in your name or maybe never give it much thought. But for me, thinking about my name as an adolescent with my dad serving time in prison became an obsession that nearly consumed me.

As Julian Frias, with my dad’s surname, I began living a lie. As far as anyone knew, my dad was busy or out of town when there were school events or ball games.

Finally, at age 15, my mother helped me with the paperwork to make her surname mine, and I became Julian Trejo. I was able to shed my shame over my dad’s surname and feel free to be me.

But now, at age 19, my life is different. I earned a college scholarship that took me far from my family’s home in Springdale, Arkansas. Even as I contemplate my dad’s release from prison in just a few weeks, I’m beginning my second year at Washington University in St. Louis — a place that’s a world apart from the tight-knit community where I was raised. And I must decide how he will fit into my life and learn how I can walk in the world with him in a way that

benefits not just the two of us, but our family and our community.

I am sharing my story because I know there are many young people like me with parents in prison. I believe many feel ashamed or embarrassed by this fact and consider the sins of their parents to be their own. I want them to know they are not alone.

Who Am I?

I came into this world in June 2004 at a hospital in Los Angeles, with my parents naming me Julian Frias. I suppose that was a bit of a no-brainer. Most parents apply the father’s last name to their children (though often now the mother’s surname is appended as well).

While most people apply their

name to hundreds of forms without much thought, as I grew older I was disturbed thinking about the many ways it defined me.

When you meet someone new, you tell them your name. Your last name automatically associates you with your family and can associate you with race and ethnicity. Your name is literally your identity.

Omar Frias is my dad’s name, but he’s actually the only person in his family with that surname. I’ve never met my grandfather from my dad’s side, nor has my dad. I didn’t know any grandparents, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts or cousins known as Frias. All I had was my dad. But there was a time when I didn’t even have him.

If you had asked me, Julian Frias, age 14, what I thought of my dad, I would’ve told you that I hated him, that my dad is a loser and that my dad doesn’t love me. And that’s because until then my dad wasn’t around for most of my life.

My dad was sentenced to 42 months in prison for his role in a conspiracy to distribute methamphetamine in 2012, when I was eight years old. Then I connected with him again for a year, and he was gone for another four years to serve another prison sentence.

Young Julian Frias kept that a secret from his friends, his teachers and nearly everyone except his family. My hometown of Springdale, Arkansas is your prototypical American suburban city. At the time, I believed it was the type of place where people lived pictureperfect lives, except for me.

My classmates talked endlessly about attending events or going on trips with their dads. Everyone seemed to have the ideal nuclear family structure, something that I yearned for as a young boy.

I always thought that having an absent parent was in and of itself taboo. Having an incarcerated parent was beyond the norm. I believed that if anyone at school knew, they would shun me, make fun of me and, more than likely, both.

Continued on pg 15

My name, Myself

by Julian Trejo

This story was commissioned by the River City Journalism Fund.

MY DAD, MY NAME, MYSELF

Continued from pg 13

What I didn’t know then, and didn’t really know until now, is how many children were just like me. Half of American prisoners are parents to children under 18, noted 17-year-old Joshua Martoma, who recently won an editorial writing contest in the New York Times. Parental incarceration affects a staggering one in fourteen American kids, Martoma wrote, calling this a “silent American epidemic” more common than childhood asthma.

In state prisons, 48 percent of black males, 51 percent of Hispanic males and 40 percent of white males report having a minor child. So, you see, I’m a Hispanic statistic. And I so wanted not to be one.

My Dad Is Busy

My dad started serving time when I was in second grade. At that point, I felt sure that he loved me; he had just made a mistake. So I would cover for him. I would say my dad was working all the time. It seemed like everyone’s dad was in the WATCH D.O.G.S. (Dads of Great Students) program in my school district, the whole point being to provide positive male role models for the students. But my dad couldn’t because he was too busy at work. Such a hard-working guy. Dad also failed to show up at “Bring Your Dad To Lunch Day.” He was way too busy.

That first lunch day event really hurt. I remember walking into the cafeteria and seeing all my friends sitting with their dads. I got my food and began looking for a place to sit. Eventually I locked eyes with my tio (uncle) who was sitting with my cousin, and he waved me over to sit with them. Once I sat down, I began to cry. Since that first time, I always had my abuelito (grandpa) go to those lunches with me.

When you’re in elementary school, it’s pretty normal for friends to go over to each other’s houses and hang out, but I would never allow anyone to come to my house because the lie about my dad might be exposed.

As the eldest of three brothers with an absent father, I had to step up to help my mother, Cristina. I embraced that responsibility. I would help Jayden, five years younger, and Jonathan, six years younger, get dressed in the mornings, help brush their teeth and serve them cereal. Then at night, I’d change them into paja-

mas and protect them from all the monsters in the closet, which was dumb because I was still scared of the monsters in the closet.

As time passed, I started to hate my dad a little bit. I felt like it was his fault that I had to live two different lives. There was the Julian at home, then the Julian at school. The two never overlapped.

When I was in sixth grade, my dad’s four-year sentence was up,

and just like that, I had him back. I remember going with my uncles to pick him up from a halfway house in Little Rock, feeling like the happiest kid in the world. When we were driving back to Springdale, my dad and I were sitting in the backseat, and out of nowhere, he looked me in the eyes and said, “Jay, I’m never going back. I messed up, I’ll admit that. But I’m not gonna mess up again. I’m nev-

er gonna leave you guys again.” I took his promise to heart.

But my dad failed to make it through the first three months of my seventh-grade year. He was arrested on Friday, October 7, 2016, a day I will never forget. I remember texting and calling him because he was supposed to be home whenever I got home from school. My stomach churned. I

As the oldest of three brothers, young Julian Frias (pictured in 2014) felt determined to help his mother. | COURTESY JULIAN TREJO

Continued

feared the worst. I googled “car crashes in northwest Arkansas” trying to find news reports of any accidents from that day.

I never imagined he had been arrested. There was no way. He had promised me! But by 9 p.m., when the Springdale Police Department came knocking on my door just like they had done five years before, I knew exactly what had happened.

My Family Is Everyone

My mom’s family moved quickly to help us. Whenever people talk about family, they usually just refer to the normal nuclear family. You know, mom, dad, siblings, the people who typically live in your house. But I refer to my family as everyone, my mom, brothers, aunt, uncles, grandparents and cousins, because we’re all so close. Though growing up without my biological father, I felt like I had four dads: my abuelito and my three tios. I learned from them what it meant not only to be a real man but to be a good person.

My abuelito, Carlos Trejo, who passed away last summer, taught me how to live a life of compas-

sion and empathy. When my abuelito saw a person who was down, he always offered a helping hand. My Tio Alberto Solis showed me how to work hard and provide for a family. He’s incredibly intimidating, yet so caring and protective of his family. He’s found a perfect balance between being the “macho” man while also expressing love to his family.

My Tio Ricardo Trejo taught me how to enjoy the little things in life. Our favorite activities always revolve around watching sports, sharing laughs and cooking food.

My Tio Roberto Trejo showed me the importance of finding joy in a complicated life full of hardship and struggle. His youth in comparison to my other tios makes him the “fun” tio.

Between the ages of 7 and 17, I lived in a dozen different homes. I shared the same bed with my mom and brothers until my sophomore year in high school. Without a college degree or technical skills, my mom struggled with finding a decent-paying job to support us on her own. For a good part of that time, I lived in my grandparents’ three-bedroom home, where at one point 14 family members were residing.

Our situation made my mom determined that her boys would make

something of themselves. Mom emphasized to me that I must not become a statistic — not just another brown kid with an absent father who went down the wrong path.

My mom preached education and emphasized the importance of school. No one pushed me and believed in me more. I remember when I was preparing for eighth grade my mom and I created a “plan to get to college.” It was a meticulous year-by-year project that had me enrolling in as many advanced classes as possible to ensure I would have the best chance to earn college scholarships.

But more importantly, my mom always showed up. Every award ceremony, every graduation and every soccer game. Through thick and thin, my mom always did her absolute best to ensure that my brothers and I would never go without. She is my hero.

Wearing a Mask

It was in 2016, after my dad’s second arrest, that I truly lost faith in him.

My dad was charged with pos-

session of a controlled substance, attempted coercion and enticement of a minor, and using the interstate to entice a minor into sexual conduct. He had downloaded the app Whisper and had conversations with someone he thought was a 15-year-old girl. It was really an undercover officer. My dad agreed to meet the decoy at a pizza parlor. He drove past the meeting location but was still pulled over and arrested. He later told officers that his depression over his actions led him to start using meth again. He was sentenced in federal court to 57 months in prison.

After my dad’s second incarceration, I decided to block him from my mind. It was just easier to forget about him and pretend like he didn’t exist. It protected me from a lot of pain and, honestly, it was easier to ignore my problems than to confront them head-on.

Even so, I couldn’t change how I acted at school. I had to put on a mask and play a role that fit in with everyone else so nobody would know anything was wrong.

The author with his mother, Cristina, this August. | COURTESY JULIAN TREJO

Young Julian, far left, with his brother Jayden and dad in 2010. | COURTESY JULIAN TREJO

I never imagined he had been arrested. There was no way. He had promised me! But by 9 p.m., when the Springdale Police Department came knocking on my door just like they had done five years before, I knew exactly what had happened.

When I was in school, I was the kid everyone expected me to be, a straight-A student and an outgoing athlete.

Some days it was overwhelming because I just couldn’t keep pretending to be someone I wasn’t. There were days when I cried a lot. My favorite place to cry was the shower because I would play music so the sound of the water and music would drown out my sobs and wash away the tears.

My reaction would not have surprised researchers. The National Institutes of Health cites a European study that said children with parents in prison are at a “significantly greater risk of suffering mental health difficulties, including low self-esteem, depression, disturbed sleep patterns and symptoms of post-traumatic stress.” A North American study, also cited by NIH, stated that separation from a parent was found “more detrimental to a child’s well-being than divorce or the death of a parent.”

I have not found any studies about children who have gone so far as to change their names. Maybe I am alone in this. But I doubt it.

A Fresh Start

About two years after my dad’s second stint in prison my mom filed for divorce. And that’s how I came to that moment in my living room in 2018 when mom asked me if I — along with my brothers — wanted to take on her surname.

It felt as though she was giving me a fresh start in life. By then the negativity associated with being a Frias felt like an anchor around my neck. In contrast, I associated the Trejo name with love and perseverance. I would be proud to represent the family through all my accomplishments. I would be ecstatic to share it with my children.

My dad was released from his second stint in prison in October 2020. At that point, I believed I had lived so much of my life without him that I didn’t need him anymore, certainly not as a father. I didn’t speak to him until June 2021. My dad told me that he wanted to be the kind of father that I wanted him to be. If I never wanted to see him again, he said he could live with that. If I wanted him to simply regard him as an acquaintance, or just a friend, that would be OK, too.

As you might imagine, the name change was a bitter pill for my dad to swallow. It was one of the first things he wanted to address with me. At first, he blamed my mother, believing she was using his sons against him. But then in my senior year, I shared an essay with him

that I had written to fulfill an English assignment. It was about taking the path from Frias to Trejo. (Much of what you are reading here is taken from that essay.)

As heartbreaking as it was for him, my dad told me he read the essay again and again and couldn’t help but feel shame. It was the first time he realized how much his stints in prison affected me. He understood exactly why I felt the need to become a Trejo and has not questioned my decision since.

Trauma and Blessings

My dad went on to be reincarcerated for a probation violation during the fall semester of my freshman year in college. Though I was disappointed, I no longer felt the shame or sadness I felt as a child. It wasn’t my first rodeo.

But one day, my dad asked me for a copy of my senior year English paper. He said he wanted to share it with his fellow prisoners who are also dads, as a cautionary tale and a way of looking at the world through the eyes of the children they have left behind. Maybe when this piece is published it will find its way to prisons across America. I pray for that.

I know my dad loves me now, and it probably breaks his heart

every day to know that none of his three children bear his name. I couldn’t admit it before, but I love my dad too. My dad is far from perfect, but then again who is?

I feel so much sympathy for my father because I understand how easily his path could’ve been my own. It’s something my mom and I used to talk about all the time. My dad is the oldest of his siblings, just like me. He received good grades at school, never got into any trouble and always looked out for his younger siblings, just as I did. By all accounts, he was a good boy, just like I was. But that all changed as he reached adolescence.

Though my dad was incarcerated for large chunks of my life, he never even met his own father. My dad also didn’t have a big close group of uncles and a grandfather like I did. All he had was an abusive and alcoholic stepfather.

His stepfather would beat him regularly for mundane offenses and never treated my dad with the same love as his siblings. It was too much for a young boy to handle alone, and he resorted to drugs to escape his dark reality.

My dad has struggled with addiction for most of his life. His poison of choice has always been methamphetamine. My dad grew reliant on meth, and it became a

coping mechanism for any hardships he encountered in life.

I thank God that I got the love and support that I needed to stay on the right path. My prayers were answered when I earned a coveted scholarship to Wash U. I was added to the Dean’s List in my first two semesters of college, as a first-generation college student. In my second semester I earned a fellowship that allows me to become a soccer journalist covering an MLS team in St. Louis.

More importantly, I found my way back to the Church. In June 2022, I received my sacraments and now attend mass regularly at the Catholic Student Center on Wash U’s campus.

The small chapel provides an intimate spiritual connection with God. The only word that comes to mind as I pray is gratitude. I’m grateful that God gives me strength to overcome any obstacle life throws my way. But more importantly, I’m thankful He placed so many amazing people on my journey to get me where I am today. I could have never done any of it alone. God has truly blessed me in more ways than I could’ve ever imagined as a child.

I can’t forget the emotional scars and traumas my dad brought to my life. Oddly though, I’m glad he put me through those experiences because they helped mold me into the person I am today. If I had the chance to change anything, I wouldn’t.

I don’t think Julian Frias would have had the strength to write the story that I am sharing with you. He would not have dared to tell anyone his dad had served time in prison. But Julian Frias didn’t write this. I, Julian Trejo, did. My name has meaning now and it represents my life story. My name gives me courage and strength.

So I ask: What does your name mean to you? n

Julian Trejo is a sophomore at Washington University in St. Louis and a fellow with the River City Journalism Fund. Learn more at rcjf.org.

The author, far left, with his beloved abuelito and two younger brothers. | COURTESY JULIAN TREJO

I feel so much sympathy for my father because I understand how easily his path could’ve been my own.

CALENDAR

BY RIVERFRONT TIMES STAFF

THURSDAY 09/14 Home Sweet Home

It’s been said many times that St. Louis has a chip on its shoulder, an inferiority complex, a tendency toward self-sabotage. That all may be true, but in even greater abundance than all that we also have one hell of a charming, underdog spirit. Come celebrate this city and show it (and yourself) some love at the I Need That Art Gallery inside the Designing Block (7735 Clayton Road, Clayton; 314721-4224) for its St. Louis Loves St. Louis group art exhibition. Creations from some of the city’s finest artists will celebrate everything there is to love about the Gateway City, from the Arch to t-ravs to Becky Queen of Carpet (R.I.P.). The show is open every Thursday, Friday and Saturday from noon to 6 p.m. until September 16. Admission is free. More info at ineedthatart.com

FRIDAY 09/15 Let Her Cook

You probably know Nicole Byer from Nailed It!, where the comedian’s resounding laugh and unfiltered (but mostly loving) jokes are pretty much the main thing that makes watching three terrible home bakers fail at recreating wildly ambitious bakes in too little time actually funny. It is, after all, the thing that Byer is most famous for — she even picked up several Emmy nominations in the seven years she’s been hosting the Netflix show. But if that’s all you know her for, you’re missing out. A standup maven who rose through the scene with early work at the Upright Citizens Brigade, Byer has pretty much done it all. She’s performed in numerous TV shows (starring also in Grand Crew and the recent reboot of Wipeout ), Netflix specials and more podcast appearances than can be counted, especially if you factor in her own, Why Won’t You Date Me? — wherein she interviews comedians, al -

ways asking if they’d date her in the process — and Best Friends , alongside co-host Sasheer Zamata. But regardless of what you know Byer from (or where you really should know her from), you can never have too much of her wildly open, somewhat blue, absurdist-but-warm style.

Whether you’re a current fan or a future one, you can’t miss by heading over to River City Casino (777 River City Casino Boulevard, 314-388-7777) at 8 p.m. on Friday, September 15, to get to know her live. Tickets are $35 to $65; pick them up at rivercity. com/entertainment.

Glow Up

It’s nearly that time of year again, when hot air balloons spot the sky and illuminate the night for a picturesque weekend of familyfriendly fun. The Great Forest Park Balloon Race & Glow kicks off Friday, September 15, with the “glow” portion of its annual event at Emerson Central Fields (5625 Wells Drive, 314-289-5300) in Forest Park, where visitors are welcome to walk around and view the balloons at dusk while chatting with their pilots and crew. The next day, the balloons take off in a hare-andhound-style race where competitors, or “hounds,” try to catch up with the leading “hare” balloon. The hare’s pilot and crew lay an “X” on the ground as a target, and whichever hound’s pilot drops a birdseed bag nearest to it wins. It’s a thrilling event to experience, even if you’re just watching the balloons float by from your backyard. Emerson Central Fields will open for the glow at 5 p.m. on Friday, with the glow itself lasting from 6:45 to 8:45 p.m. The race starts at 4:30 p.m. on Saturday. Attendance is free. For more details, visit

The St. Louis Renaissance Festival offers a chance at glory, Middle Ages style, in Wentzville beginning Saturday. | FLICKR/R’LYEH IMAGING

Nicole Byer brings her comedy stylings to St. Louis on Friday. | VIA TICKETMASTER

greatforestparkballoonrace.com.

SATURDAY 09/16

Peasant Dreams

Lords and ladies, thy presence is hereby requested at the 25th Annual St. Louis Renaissance Festival, a whimsical celebration of all the fun and revelry for which the late Middle Ages are known. Pilot thy horse and carriage to the enchanted land of Wentzville, Missouri, to join the plebs and peasants in all manner of merriment. Verily, this event will contain all of the elements befitting a proper silver jubilee. Witness for thine own self the feats of jousting, juggling, circus acts, sword performances and more as thou sink thy teeth through a giant turkey leg and fill thy belly with mead. The fall fête kicks off this Saturn’s Day, September 16, in the year of our Lord 2023, and runs every weekend through October 22. Thou art encouraged to don the garb of cultures far and wide for themed weekends such as Oktoberfest, Viking Adventures and Shamrocks

& Shenanigans. Advanced tickets cost $18.95 for elders and $11.95 for their spawn, but if you pay admission at the gate it’s just a few gold pieces more. Moppets aged four and younger are free. Prithee, visit stlrenfest.com for more information. Avast! Wait, that’s pirates …

SUNDAY 09/17

Four-Legged Race

Believe it or not, September 17 means we are halfway to St. Patrick’s Day, and if you have a friend in Dogtown, they’re undoubtedly already making preparations. They — and you — can get a little parade pre-party in at the firstever Dogtown Doggy Dash 5K, which debuts Sunday, September 17, at 9 a.m. And no, this isn’t just a dog-themed event in Dogtown; it’s a race where your dog can run right alongside you and even compete to be the top-dog finisher. To head off the inevitable 5K question: No, four-legged runners don’t get the customary T-shirt, but their humans do, and doggie

participants get both a cool bandana and an actual medal. How many puppos can say they’ve won one of those? Full details at dogtowndoggydash.com. Registration is $40 for humans, $10 for dogs and $10 for kids doing the halfmile dog-free fun run. Worth not-

WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 14-20

ing: The event benefits Dogs for Our Brave, which trains service dogs for veterans in need and is located, naturally, in Dogtown.

TUESDAY 09/19

Comeback King

You might know him as Edgar in The Lost Boys or Teddy in Stand by Me, but Corey Feldman’s true love isn’t acting — it’s music. Inspired by Michael Jackson (a longtime friend before Feldman finally said he could no longer defend him), the former child star has put decades into making music. He didn’t seem to have much luck catching attention from the public, though, until a performance on the Today show in 2017 went viral for all the wrong reasons. His performance on Today was presented with an unexpected intensity, and his band was made up of women dressed in Halloween-store angel costumes. It was theater. It was high camp. It was completely sincere. Feldman subsequently canceled a scheduled St. Louis show at the Ready Room that same year, claiming his life was threatened after he went public with child molestation accusations against entertainment industry insiders. (Feldman says he and fellow child star Corey Haim were both abused when they were kids, which directly led to Haim’s substance abuse problems and subsequent death.) But now Feldman is back out on the road, and you know he’s going to give it his all on stage, which is something that is so rare to find these days. You can catch him on September 19 at Diamond Music Hall (4109 North Cloverleaf Drive, St. Peters; 636477-6825). Tickets start at $30, but there are many enhanced options available too, such as reserved tables with four chairs ($120) or an after-show meet and greet ($125). The evening starts out at 7 p.m with movie trivia (the “Corey Edition”), then attendees can catch two opening bands (Not Topic and O’Fallon’s Native State) before Feldman takes the stage at 10 p.m. Visit diamondmusichall.com for tickets and more information.

Head to Forest Park’s Emerson Central Fields — or just look up — to catch the Balloon Race & Glow this weekend. | THEO WELLING

Compete with your pup during the Dogtown Doggy Dash. | VIA FLICKR/SEATTLE ANIMAL SHELTER

Cue the Joy

Fourth City Barbecue serves extraordinary all-wood smoked meats in Cherokee’s Fortune Teller Bar

Written by CHERYL BAEHR

Fourth City Barbecue

2635 Cherokee Street, 314-669-6505 (inside Fortune Teller Bar). Wed.-Sat. 5-9 p.m. (Closed Sun. to Tues.)

When Greg Mueller talks about barbecue, something changes within him. It’s not a personality shift: Rather, Mueller gives the impression that he is receiving some sort of divine intercession from the barbecue gods, relaying knowledge with a religious fervor of everything from the relationship between smoke color and the rate of combustion to the nuances of Missouri white oak and hickory to the beauty of pure wood smoke. It’s not a dissertation; it’s a revelation — one that he shares with anyone who shows an interest and one that is on full display at Fourth City Barbecue, the food counter and smokehouse he runs with his wife, Erica McKinley, out of Fortune Teller Bar on Cherokee Street.

To see Mueller become enraptured by the virtues of all-wood barbecue is to see a man in his element — which is why it’s so funny to hear that, before Fourth City, he had a soul-sucking job working as a financial analyst for a major international corporation. It was a job he got into because he thought it was what he was supposed to do. After graduating from college, he found himself in Boeing’s supply-chain division and eventually transitioned to the company’s finance side, got his MBA and became a senior financial analyst, where he jokes that there was a hole at the bottom of his chair slowly draining his life force.

Mueller began smoking meat as an escape after being inspired by his now-father-in-law and McKinley, who are excellent with the grill and in the kitchen, respectively. Though Mueller started

out on a gas grill in the backyard, he began experimenting with all wood after McKinley gifted him a Weber kettle grill for Christmas.

Mueller’s hobby picked up steam while he and McKinley lived in Seattle. Though they loved the Pacific Northwest, they lamented the lack of community feeling and occupied their time by learning all they could about the craft of barbecue. The pair began an Instagram account under the name Fourth City Barbecue (after St. Louis’ former status as the fourth largest city by population in the country), knowing that they wanted to do something bigger with smoked meat but not sure exactly where their path would lead them.

After a couple of years in Seattle, they returned to St. Louis, and Mueller decided to throw himself into Fourth City full time. He quit his job at Boeing and got one with Mac’s Local Eats so he could get some cooking experience while honing his barbecue skills on his own time. Though they knew they weren’t ready to open a fullfledged restaurant, Mueller and McKinley (a full-time taxonomist) began offering pre-cooked, heat-and-serve barbecue boxes

through Instagram after seeing the success of local brands such as Nicky Slices and Big Bear Pizza. Their boxes were a hit, but after feeling like they’d hit a plateau with their customer base, the duo decided they were ready to take the next step.

That opportunity came when they were offered the kitchen space at Fortune Teller Bar by its new owners. In July, Mueller quit his other restaurant job, and the pair set up shop in the Cherokee Street gathering place, eager to welcome in a new crop of guests.

Though Mueller and McKinley acknowledge the outstanding barbecue scene that already exists in St. Louis, they feel that diners will be excited to experience the unique joy of all-wood smoked meats — a style difficult to find in the area. It’s a difference you understand the moment you tuck into a plate of Fourth City’s outstanding pulled pork and are overwhelmed with the concentrated taste of the meat, kissed with a gentle backbeat of sweet smoke, as opposed to the more smoke-forward product that gas produces. Here, there’s a subtle sweetness from the rub, some car-

amelized bits and pure, succulent pork that feels like a dictionary entry on what smoked pig should taste like.

Fourth City’s brisket is equally extraordinary. Prepared Texasstyle, so there’s a nice bark on the thick, almost crumbly slices, the beef is impossibly tender and accented with mouthwatering rendered fat. For brisket purists, it’s one of the city’s most extraordinary examples of the form thanks to Mueller’s painstaking, 24-hour process, which involves personally tending to the fire for 12 hours, then letting it rest in a holding chamber for another 12. You can taste Mueller’s dedication in every bite.

The pair puts as much care into their vegan brisket. Mueller makes his own seitan, seasons it with his barbecue rub, smokes it separately from the other meats and even throws it on the coals to give it a deep, earthy flavor and charred texture. It’s a truly flavorful option for plant-based eaters.

Mueller and McKinley offer a variety of excellent smoked sausages, which Mueller grinds, seasons, puts in casings and smokes

Continued on pg

Fourth City Barbecue’s all-wood smoked meats are different than most barbecued meats on offer in St. Louis. | MABEL SUEN

FOURTH CITY BARBECUE

on site. The jalapeño-cheddar version has a subtle, smokey heat that is countered by shockingly creamy cheese. The Red Hot RipLink, a play on Red Hot Riplets, is similar to a Texas-style hot link with a warm, sweet, bright heat that builds with every bite. A classic German-style bratwurst, it hits classic mace, porky notes — though its rustic texture is a lovely distinction — while the half-beef, half-pork Polish sausage (my personal favorite) delivers a sweet, garlicky, subtly smoky flavor that is pure meaty joy.

Though often associated with overly sauced pork nuggets, the rib tips at Fourth City are a masterclass in what this oft-thrownaway piece of spare rib should be. The hunks of meat are dipped in Mueller’s slightly sweet rub, smoked, then tossed directly onto the coals, so they get a gloriously earthy, charred flavor. Served bone-in, the tips are like combining a rib’s pork flavor with the primal satisfaction of eating an extra-meaty chicken wing.

As serious as Mueller and McKinley are about their barbecue, they show a playful side with their rotating specials; on one visit, they were serving a Thicc Rib sandwich, a fun riff on a McRib’s guilty pleasure. Mueller intentionally overcooks spare ribs so that he can slide the bones out, leaving the meat intact. He cuts it into a square, dunks it in a tangy, sweet glaze, tops it with housemade pickles and sliced white onions and places it between a pillow-soft, sesame-seed bun. The

McDonald’s version may have a cult following, but Mueller’s masterpiece is enough to convert even the most fervid believer.

Sides at Fourth City balance the traditional with the unexpected. Instead of saucy pit beans, Mueller and McKinley offer snappy savory beans that have a similarly deep, warm-spiced flavor profile as Cincinnati chili. The pair also draw upon their passion for Asian cuisine — which

they fell in love with in Seattle — with dishes such as a wonderful Hawaiian-style macaroni salad and a sesame-oil-slicked vegan broccoli salad. A side of gently sweet, cake-like cornbread — offered with hot-honey butter — is as good as if it had come out of Grandma’s oven.

Using that cornbread to sop up the rendered, rub-seasoned fat and meaty bits from the pulled pork that pool at the bottom of Fourth

City’s serving tray, you don’t simply understand Mueller’s passion for all-wood smoked meat; you feel it to your very core. It’s enough to make you a regular customer of this outstanding smokehouse — and more than enough to make you a true believer. n

Fourth City Barbecue

Two meat plate ���������������������������������������$22

Thicc Rib $13 Polish link�������������������������������������������������$5

Continued from pg 21

Fourth City’s one-meat sandwich with pulled pork, pictured here with jalapeño-cheddar sausage and broccoli salad. | MABEL SUEN

Greg Mueller left Boeing for barbecue. | MABEL SUEN

Greg Mueller and Erica McKinley are the co-owners of Fourth City. | MABEL SUEN

Smash Hit

Owner Chris Kelling gives a sneak peek of the menu at Burger Champ, opening in Maplewood next month

Written by JESSICA ROGEN

There is earning dad points, and then there’s earning the kind of dad points that most of us can only dream about.

Chris Kelling — on the way to opening his forthcoming restaurant Burger Champ (2704 Sutton Boulevard, Maplewood) — earned the latter.

“Allowing my five-year-old to come in and test milkshakes got me some ‘dad of the year’ points, so I’m super happy about that,” he says. “And the sweet potato French fry testing. They were big hits. They’re fun parts. Testing was very fun.”

Kelling’s favorite shake might be the peanut butter and jelly, while Junior’s was either the banana butterscotch or strawberry. Ultimately, Burger Champ will have six milkshakes (selection still being tweaked), and St. Louis diners will soon be able to judge for themselves which Kelling their taste buds align with.

That’s because Burger Champ is aiming to open its doors sometime in October, and Kelling and his team — which includes chef Jeff Friesen, formerly of Taco Buddha and Juniper — released a preview of the menu this week. It includes a selection of smash burgers, chicken sandwiches, fries, onion rings, salads and milkshakes.

Kelling had been the first person to imagine what the menu would look like, but it took bringing in Friesen on August 1 to make it what it’s become.

“It’s been, of course, great,” Kelling says. “He’s been able to really take my menu and create a restaurant version of that, so to speak, to refine it and execute it and elevate it in the way only a chef can.”

Charitable Collaboration

When Kelling thinks about his favorite items on the menu, he starts with the burgers, in particular the Classic Champ Burger, which includes two 2-ounce smash patties, two slices of American cheese and Champ sauce, which is a variation on Russian dressing that includes green onions.

Biting into that during the final stage of R&D was a joy — and a bit of relief. After all, Kelling has been eating multiple burgers a week around town for the last six months as part of the research for opening Burger Champ.

“I was thrilled as I ate it,” he says. “I’m very excited about that, and I think that it’s a really great offering of ours.”

Pastry Chef Matthew Rice of Nashville’s Pink Door Cookies developed the milkshake menu, and mixologists Tim Wiggins of Yellowbelly and Kyle Mathis of Bangers Only created the cocktail offerings, which include batched recipes including a whiskey cola; the Garden Tour, a highly botanical gin and tonic; vodka and raspberry soda; and a classic Paloma.

“I love those guys’ palate,” Kelling says. “They both make just amazing cocktails.”

This will be Kelling’s second restaurant under the Champ ban-

ner. Last January, he opened his fast-casual pizzeria Pizza Champ (2657 Lyle Avenue, Maplewood) just around the corner. It was a big change of pace for Kelling, who’d previously been lauded for his fine-dining spot Elmwood, which closed in 2020 amid the COVID-19 pandemic.

Burger Champ, in fact, will open in Elmwood’s former home. He says that he just knew that it was time to make a move in January and that pairing the pizza spot with a dedicated burger joint made sense for him, the Champ brand and for Maplewood.

Getting from January to now was easier than opening Pizza Champ because Elmwood’s good bones made it simple to change the decor into a fun, playful space fit for the concept — just in time for opening.

“We’re excited,” Kelling says. We’re thrilled to have talked about something for six months, seven months now and to get it to actualization is joyous and a relief. Mostly I’m excited to be a part of this neighborhood, even more so to activate that corner and to get some people in here who are excited about serving burgers and milkshakes and some people who are excited about eating them.” n

Chicken Scratch

to feature four favorite St. Louis chefs this month

Written by JESSICA ROGEN

September is apparently National Chicken Month in the U.S. Though this dubious festivity is brought on by the powerful chicken lobby, a.k.a. the National Chicken Council, that doesn’t mean that nothing good can come of it.

In fact, Chef Nate Hereford’s celebrated Chicken Scratch Rotisserie has launched its own Chicken Month celebration that offers definitive proof of the aforementioned statement. Throughout September, Chicken Scratch will be inviting local chefs to the restaurant’s Glendale location at 9900 Manchester Road for a series of culinary partnerships.

The collaborations are intended to showcase our local culinary creativity and to raise money for a good cause. A portion of the proceeds from the collabs will be donated to a charity of the chef’s choice.

There will be four chefs featured throughout the month:

• September 7 to 11: Chef Wil Pelly of Rock Star Tacos, will benefit the charity Kids Rock Cancer.

• September 14 to 18: Chef Brian Moxey from Union Loafers, will benefit the Metro Trans Umbrella Group.

• September 21 to 26: Chef Qui Tran of Nudo, charity TBA.

• September 28 to October 2: Chef Loryn Nalic of Balkan Treat Box, will benefit Gateway Area National MS Society.

Menu items will be released weekly throughout the month, and Moxey has already shared the jumping-off point for his week: Union Loafers’ turkey and Swiss sandwich.

“It’s a lot of small details that come together in a perfect (in my opinion) bite,” he said in a statement. “I thought the Famous Sauce would pair perfectly with Chicken Scratch’s tenders, and I hope you’ll agree! Dill pickles and shredded lettuce give a nice bump of acid and freshness, and American cheese just ties the room together. This sandwich felt like a very natural combination of two restaurants that love delicious ingredients and having fun serving it to their guests.”

For more details, follow along on Instagram @chxscratchstl.

Burger Champ is owner Chris Kelling’s (right) second restaurant under the “champ” banner, and Jeff Friesen (left) is taking the kitchen’s helm as chef. | COURTESY JASPER PAUL PR

Bread Boxing

Why do so many rappers mention Panera in their lyrics?

Written by MONICA OBRADOVIC

What fast-casual chain serves soup in bread bowls, plays sad acoustic music and has been lyricized by rappers again and again? None other than our very own Panera Bread.

While the fast-casual chain, locally known as Saint Louis Bread Co., is recognized mostly for its bread-sliced bagels and 500-plus calorie salads, it’s also apparently

inspired several rappers.

Author John Green (The Fault in Our Stars, The Anthropocene Reviewed) recently pointed out the phenomenon in a video on his YouTube channel. Green questioned why rappers including Redman, Rick Ross, Lil Yachty,

cations including 510 North New Florissant Road, Florissant; 314-831-0907) maintains its staying power thanks to its unwavering commitment to doing things the way they’ve been done since the day it welcomed its first guests. The glazed is a thing of beauty, with a pillow-soft mouthfeel and an almostvanilla glaze that collects along the sides in a wonderful textured pattern.

Donut Drive-In

Yung Gravy and more name-drop Panera — even if it doesn’t rhyme.

Take Yung Gracy’s “Mrs. Worldwide”: “Pull up to Panera just to play a lil’ footsie / Ahoy, chips and cookies.” And Macklemore mentioned Panera in “Grime,” a soulful reflection on his rise to stardom. He rapped: “I was studyin’ the Carter one right after ’03 / Marinara, brick oven on the terrace, with the goat cheese / You flatbread from Panera, don’t approach me.”

“Is Panera paying rappers to name drop Panera?” Green asked. (We asked Panera, but it refused to answer our emails, womp womp.) “But I don’t think it’s that. I think that the word Panera is just inherently melodic.”

“Panera is STL-oriented,” he says. “Just a clever line and representation of where we’re from. I’ve used it before.”

Rappers often rap about their struggles, such as money, for which Panera is a metaphor, Eric Donté says. “Rappers always rap about coming up out of the mud and growing up from the struggle,” Donté says. “I remember way back when, when I was really struggling, and I was homeless, Panera always had free Wi-Fi. You’d see a lot of artists in Panera using their free Wi-Fi to do stuff.”

Then there’s rappers who’ve made it big, like Rockie Fresh and Rick Ross, who correlated Panera with luxury cars and money, as in their 2013 track “Panera Bread.”

Rockie Fresh in one verse: “Every day I’m goin’ hard and I’m stayin’ prepared / Got that broccoli cheddar soup with that Panera bread.”

Translation: He works hard and has a lot of money as a result.

Multiple rappers have also used Panera to rhyme with “panamera,” a model of Porsche.

“New whip doin’ doughnuts, J Dilla,” rapped Lil Yachty in “Atlanta House Freestyle,” a 2019 collaboration with Chance the Rapper. “Went to Panera in a Panamera.”

While other varieties might catch the eye thanks to their colorful sprinkles, chocolatey icings or powdered sugar dustings, a classic glazed is the best indicator of whether a doughnut shop is worth its salt. Thankfully, our city is blessed with an embarrassment of riches in the doughnut department, with most shops pulling off a respectable, sugar-glazed round. These five, though, are a cut above the rest.

Pharaoh’s Donuts

For two decades, baker Amon Aziz was the secret weapon behind the delectable doughnuts served at area gas stations and grocery stores, but in 2014, he struck out on his own with the outstanding Pharaoh’s Donuts (multiple locations including 202 North Ninth Street, 314-351-0285). Its classic glazed is perfection — melt-in-the-mouth soft, delicately glazed and subtly yeasty.

Old Town Donuts

A Florissant institution founded in 1968, Old Town Donuts (multiple lo-

For seven decades, the neon sign reading “Fresh Donuts” has stood as a beacon of fried-dough magic for the south side of St. Louis. While fans of Donut Drive-In (6525 Chippewa Street, 314645-7714) get breathless when talking about the famed apple fritter, its fluffy, quintessential glazed is its north star.

Donut Stop

Food & Wine may have raved about its beloved cinnamon glob when naming it the top doughnut shop in Missouri, but the simple glazed beauty — done flawlessly and in perfect accordance with the standard of the form — shows that south county’s Donut Stop (1101 Lemay Ferry Road, 314-631-3333) is serious about its fried dough.

John’s Donuts

Once a staple of St. Louis nightlife, Soulard mainstay John’s Donuts (1618 South Broadway, 314-241-3360) switched to a daytime operation in 2020 — that is, if you consider a 4 a.m. opening time as daytime. Not that it’s difficult to drag yourself out of bed that early for its truly outstanding, pillow-soft and sticky piece of glazed perfection.

We reached out to some St. Louis rappers for their thoughts. Kosta Longmire says Panera could symbolize money (bread = cash). Local rappers might mention the company as an homage to their hometown.

[FOOD NEWS]

Al-Tarboush to Close

The no-frills cafe was a destination for Middle Eastern food for 26 years

Written by SARAH FENSKE

One of the best spots for Middle Eastern food on the Delmar Loop is closing after 26 years.

Al Tarboush (602 Westgate Avenue, University City) has a sign in the window saying it intends to close soon.

“Make time to buy hookah & supplies,” it reads. “Order your favorite treats. Take home your favorite wraps. Most importantly ... say goodbye! Thank you for the last almost 27 years!”

The cafe’s charming founder, Slei -

Then there are lyrics the average Porsche-less folk can relate to. In “Pack a Lunch” by Prof, Redman jumps in, “Black bandana tiltin’ like Santana / I’m a cheap fuck, I wine and dine at Panera.”

We couldn’t help but notice the lack of songs that reference Panera’s real name, Saint Louis Bread Co. We’d try to write one, but we’ll leave that to the pros. n

man “Sam” Bathani, was touring the U.S. with a singing group in 1989 when war broke out in his native Lebanon. He ended up resettling in Chicago, and then, in 1996, moved his family to St. Louis to join family friends there. They opened Al-Tarboush less than a year later.

At first, as Sam’s daughter Joeanne Bathani previously told the RFT, they weren’t sure St. Louis would be into Lebanese food. “We started with pizza and French fries in case people didn’t want to go straight to Lebanese food,” she said, adding, “You don’t see pizza and French fries in here anymore.”

Indeed, Al-Tarboush developed a huge following for its wraps, its hummus and its house-made baklava. The no-frills cafe won numerous “Best Of” awards from the RFT over the years, and its chicken shawarma was recently named one of the top five in the city.

As Sam Bathani told the RFT’s Cheryl Baehr in 2018, “I’ve been so lucky. It’s been nothing short of a miracle.” n

CHERYL BAEHR’S GLAZED DONUT PICKS

Lil Yachty once rapped he “went to Panera in a Panamera.” | SCREENGRAB VIA YOUTUBE / SAMANTHA CELERA VIA FLICKR

OPENINGS & CLOSINGS: AUGUST

BY JESSICA ROGEN

August was one of those months in the St. Louis restaurant scene where you look back and just feel pretty good about things. Just look at the ratio of openings and closings below, and you’ll see what we mean.

It was an all-around good and flavorful month. Still, some things stood out. One was definitely GOTham & Eggs, which takes the spot that formerly housed City Diner on South Grand and transformed it into a super herothemed paradise that happens to have delightful (and whimsically named) diner classics on offer.

The Central West End’s Sunday Best was also a highlight. We all shed a

OPENINGS

4 Hands Brewing Co., Chesterfield

Amigo Sole, Skinker DeBaliviere

BEAST Craft BBQ, Wash U campus

Collins Farms, Wash U campus

Corner 17, Wash U campus

Drunken Fish, Edwardsville, Illinois

The Fattened Caf, Wash U campus

Fennel Cooking Studio, Midtown

Good Press, Downtown West

GOTham & Eggs, Tower Grove South

The Hill Food Co., The Hill

Hi-Pointe Drive-In, Chesterfield

Jovick Brothers Burgers, Princeton Heights

K-Bop, Benton Park West

The Key Bistro, Forest Park

LaJoy’s Coffee Café, Wash U campus

Medina Mediterranean Grill, Covenant

tear when Juniper closed its doors last month. However, the situation was quickly saved with the swift launch of Sunday Best, which not only brings back Juniper’s lauded chicken but also some of the spot’s other favorites. If you haven’t had that bread basket yet, stop reading this article, get in your car and get yourself some melt-in-your mouth carbs. Of course, the month wasn’t without darkness. Some longtime St. Louis favorites left or relocated. Without Baileys’ Range downtown, King & I on South Grand or Gregg’s in the Near North Riverfront, it really feels like the end of an era. Let’s hope the Original Crusoe’s can still pull off a miracle.

Blu-Grand Center

McArthur’s Bakery, Carondelet

Night Fox, Waterloo, Illinois

Parlor Doughnuts, Wentzville

Rated Test Kitchen, Downtown

Sunday Best, Central West End

The Wine Merchant, Olivette

CLOSINGS

Baileys’ Range, Downtown

Bijoux Handcrafted Chocolates, Des Peres

Boardwalk Waffles, Maplewood

Cheeburger Cheeburger, Des Peres

Gregg’s Bar and Grill, Near North

Riverfront

Elicia’s Pizza, Boulevard Heights

Fields Foods, Dogtown, Forest Park

King & I, Tower Grove South

Lulu’s Local Eatery, Tower Grove South

You can find these swirled pancakes at GOTham & Eggs. | MABEL SUEN

[THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN]

The Cult Leader

Aaron Childs’ Cannabis Cult has become a source for Missouricentric weed reviews, giveaways and more

Written by JESSICA ROGEN

Like so many of us, Aaron Childs, 32, first came across cannabis in high school. It’s not an exaggeration to say that, in the long term, it changed his life. But things started out a bit chiller.

“Instead of drinking at a high school party, I realized that I’d rather use cannabis,” he says. “It just seemed healthier back then.”

Until medical marijuana was legalized in Missouri, the St. Louis native says that weed made him feel a bit like a criminal. But he’d recognized its therapeutic potential almost right away. A type 1 diabetic, he’d struggled with some appetite issues, and he found that cannabis, especially certain strains, would help.

“I definitely used it as a medicine before it was actually medicine,” he says, noting that it’s also been a good stress reliever for him. “[It] becoming a medicine just kind of validated that.”

Now, with cannabis legalized both medically and recreationally in his home state, Childs is using the knowledge he’s honed through the years to help others in two ways. The smaller way he’s doing so is as a Riverfront Times weed reviewer; if you’ve been following our reviews this year, you’ve probably read his take on the state’s weed offerings under his pen name Ace Louie or Ace Globs; you can now find his reviews under his given name.

But the larger way that Childs is working to help the state’s tokers is through his company, Cannabis Cult, which he launched in February — the same month recreational

legalization took effect. Cannabis Cult is a website, cannabiscult.co, that compiles strain reviews specific to Missouri, with an interactive map so users can learn which area dispensaries stock them. The site includes reviews both from Childs and submitted by consumers.

“A lot of strains, they get noticed because of word of mouth,” Childs says. “I wanted to make something that would make the whole process a lot easier and help people save money and time by knowing exactly what their best option is.”

Childs is especially passionate about elucidating different strains’ terpenes, which he explains are the compounds responsible for how the plant smells. However, he says, terpenes can have varying therapeutic effects. He points to pinene, which has a piney smell but also is anti-inflammatory. Others might smell fruity or help with anxiety.

He wants people to be able to shop strains by the effects or the scent experience that they want, so he and his co-founder Dale Ludwinski are working on adding the capacity for the site’s viewers to shop by terpene. That feature is

currently in beta testing.

“That’s our next big launch,” Childs says. “And then, right now, we have a beta test going for a strain ranking system, and we’re about to launch concentrate reviews, so people can start ranking concentrates.”

Cannabis Cult also does giveaways and events partnering with area dispensaries or cannabis companies. He’s running a giveaway now with Lil Skunky that includes a handheld flower vaporizer, rolling tray, grinder and stickers that he’s hoping will attract people interested in registering an account and participating in the ranking beta test.

When Cannabis Cult first was the glimmer of an idea, Childs probably couldn’t have imagined how ambitious he’d become with the project. That was about five years ago, and it was pre-website — only an Instagram page, in fact.

At the time, Childs had been working in sales for a few years after dropping out of Mizzou. He just wanted to compile his personal reviews, but then he began getting thank yous.

“That’s when I realized that it

was valuable information that people actually liked,” he says. “That’s why I was inspired to create the whole website.”

In the beginning, Childs approached reviews by looking for strains with high terpene percentages. He’d form his own opinion — ranking structure, nose flavor and effects — trying to be unbiased. He’d then talk to other people to compare experiences.

That’s still pretty much how he operates, but he’ll now also pick up new or interesting products or those that have been recommended to him by the community — in person or online via Reddit’s Missouri medical marijuana forum.

Seeing that community grow locally has been one of the best things about being in the industry during this time, Childs says.

“It’s pretty cool to see people coming together and being able to use cannabis,” he says. “I used to drive to Denver to go spend the weekend there and shop and try different dispensaries.”

You can find Cannabis Cult online at cannabiscult.co or Aaron Childs’ RFT reviews at riverfronttimes.com/author/aaron-childs. n

Aaron Childs started writing casual weed reviews on his Instagram page — until the thank yous began rolling in. Now, it’s his business. | COURTESY PHOTO

No Money No Problems

Virtuoso, an art collective, won a rent-free storefront for six months through a neighborhood contest

Written by SARAH FENSKE

The newest business to open on Cherokee isn’t really a gallery and isn’t really a shop — it’s both. And it’s also one of the best consignment deals artists could ever imagine.

Virtuoso Collective (2616 Cherokee Street) sells the work of artists living in and around Cherokee Street, and it takes a broad definition of what that work might be.

“We have printmaking, we have T-shirts, we have paintings, we’ve got ceramics, we’ve got handmade, fabricated jewelry,” says co-founder Jessie D. Mees. There’s even hot sauce, where the peppers were grown only a few blocks away. The most expensive item is a painting, priced at $15,000. The least expensive is $3.

But no matter the artist, no matter their craft, they’re all getting the same deal. Virtuoso takes just a 10 percent cut of any sale — an extraordinarily low rate made possible by the collective’s unique origin story.

Last winter, South Side Spaces owner Jason Deem announced that he was subdividing the former Rent One building on Cherokee and giving free rent for six months to one lucky tenant. The winner was to be chosen by the Cherokee Street Improvement District.

The neighborhood’s plethora of creative hustlers ensured no shortage of applicants. The 75 contestants were narrowed to 6 finalists, who presented before the district board. Mees says she and co-founder Julianne Wise kept it simple: “We just wanted to create a storefront that all the incredibly talented and local artists can participate in.”

Emily Thenhaus, the Cherokee Street Improvement District execu-

tive director, says the idea resonated with the community members who attended the presentations.

“I think Jessie and Julianne’s proposal was such a winner because they sought to use the space not just for themselves but for all Cherokee Street artists,” Thenhaus says. “Virtuoso Collective is more than just a cool storefront selling great gifts and art. It’s a means of driving revenue to so many of our local artists.”

Virtuoso is organized like a co-op, so artists have to agree to volunteer one day each month. Beyond that, there are very few rules. Items have to be handmade, of course. But that’s about it — within reason.

“Honestly, I think the main limitation is the size,” Mees says. “We’re working with just a little under 900 square feet. So it’s like, giant sculptures are out.” She adds that the building also has a few restrictions: “We’re not allowed to hang things from the ceiling because of the historic tin ceiling. So as much as I love to have big sculptures and chandelier-type things hanging from the ceiling, we just don’t have the capacity to do that.”

Mees and Wise didn’t have to look far to find the 30 artists now

on display in the storefront. Both have strong connections in the area. Wise worked at Yaqui’s for six years and, when she started a screen-printing business, Love Shack Press, on Cherokee five years ago, Yaqui’s was one of its first clients.

“We hang out every day on the street and hang out in the bars, and we’re like, ‘Wanna join?’ They’re like, it was a very automatic ‘yes,’” she says.

As for Mees, she herself is an artist who makes fabricated jewelry. Virtuoso’s plan was inspired by a

similar venture she saw in Denver, where she lived before moving to St. Louis two and a half years ago.

“There was a cute little concept that was close to my house that was similar,” she says. “It was all local Denver artists. You walked into this tiny little shop, and you were like, ‘You can’t buy this online. You can’t get this from China. It’s not mass produced. These are real people, and this is their artwork.’ And I just love that idea.”

So far, Cherokee and its visitors do as well. Mees and Wise say the August 19 soft opening (during the Cherokee Brewed Arts Festival) was a big success, and they look forward to more opportunities to bring in shoppers and art lovers. They plan to keep hours from noon to 7 p.m. (later on First Fridays and other evening events).

After the free rent has run its course, they hope to keep the collective going, though they’ll likely have to change the financial terms for artists. (The 10 percent they take now is designed only to cover utilities, and rent would be a different equation.) But for now, they’re pleased with how the experiment is going.

“I think it’s a really special place,” Wise says. “It showcases art really well. I’m proud of us.” n

Jessie D. Mees (left) and Julianne Wise spearheaded the plan for Virtuoso Collective. | COURTESY VIRTUOSO COLLECTIVE

“Virtuoso Collective is more than just a cool storefront selling great gifts and art. It’s a means of driving revenue to so many of our local artists.”

MUSIC

His Turn

After years of producing other artists’ albums, Blue Lotus’ Paul Niehaus IV steps into the spotlight

Written by STEVE LEFTRIDGE

On the cover of Paul Niehaus IV’s debut album, If I Stay Too Long, Niehaus sits in a rocking chair picking a resonator guitar on the porch of a wooden shack near the famous crossroads where, according to folklore, blues legend Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil. With his tinted black-frame glasses and black mutton chops, mustache and soul patch, Niehaus resembles a young Leon Redbone. Then again, it was never easy to tell how old Redbone was, as he always exuded an old-soul look and sound, one that placed him in musical and stylistic eras before his time. Like Redbone, Niehaus, 36, is also a Miniver Cheevy type, a musician drawn to the songs and sensibilities of yesteryear, raised on what he calls “the good stuff” by his parents in south St. Louis County.

“I loved the music of the ’50s, ’60s, up to, like, ’74,” Niehaus says. “For years, I had musical blinders where I literally was unaware of what was happening in the ’80s and ’90s.” Instead, his parents introduced him to the likes of Muscle Shoals, Stax, Motown and Chess Records.

Niehaus is sitting in Blue Lotus Studio, the impressive musical playground filled with instruments and recording equipment that he’s built in the basement of his south city home. The place is lined with guitars, basses, drums, organs, mandolins, horns, tape machines, microphones, accordions, you name it. In one row by the bar sits a Hammond C3 organ with a Leslie cabinet, a Wurlitzer electric piano and a Rhodes 73. Everything in the basement reveals old-soul musical mojo, down to the Johnny Cash T-shirt Niehaus wears, which looks like a

size medium given his lean, runner’s physique.

Niehaus started Blue Lotus, both the studio and the record label Blue Lotus Recordings, in 2016 shortly after he bought this house. Since then, he hasn’t held a job outside of music, staying busy gigging at night as a freelance musician and recording during the day.

Asked about coming up with the name for Blue Lotus, Niehaus points to his lifelong love of blues music. “‘Blue’ comes from the blues,” he says, “And ‘Lotus’ is a representation of beauty coming from pain and suffering. That’s how you make great art. You put your heart and time and sweat and blood in it.”

That kind of dedication to making music has been part of Niehaus’ life for as long as he can remember. What Niehaus heard coming from his parents’ car speakers soon turned into formal training; Niehaus picked up the trumpet in fourth grade and later started playing guitar, bass and drums in high school jazz and blues combos. Later, Niehaus took that musical versatility to Truman

State, majoring in music, playing the French horn in the university’s jazz band, running on the cross-country team and minoring in folklore.

On studying folklore, Niehaus says, “I always had a skepticism of academia and the Ivory Tower. I was more interested in the thousands of years that folk was passed down for generations. I love music from all over the world, and the more you listen to it, the more you realize it’s all one thing. It’s so unifying.”

His interest in folklore was a piece of the puzzle that would contribute to what Niehaus always knew would be a life in music: “I knew before I even went to college that I was going to do music for a living.” After all, Niehaus had been jamming in blues bands since he was 15, worked the cover-band bar circuit in college and spent a decade touring as a blues guitarist and bassist. After a five-month stint performing on a cruise ship after college graduation, he criss-crossed the country with blues artists including Rockin’ Jake, Matt Hill, John Nemeth and Jeremiah Johnson.

Those were fun, eye-opening, hard-touring, amp-hauling, backstage-drinking, city-exploring years in which Niehaus learned lessons both good and bad from great players and colorful characters. Even when back in St. Louis between tours, he was out learning from local masters. “To me they’re amazing legends,” he says. “Like Preston Hubbard. He was a fucking brilliant bass player, man. Or Eugene Johnson, bass player and singer for the Ground Floor Band. I used to go see them down at Beale on Broadway. I was 21, 22, and I would just listen, watch, soak it up, go up and talk to them on their break, eventually sit in with them.”

Once Blue Lotus was up and running, Niehaus put to use his years in the musical trenches, producing a landmark first album, St. Louis soul giant Roland Johnson’s Imagine This in 2016. Produced alongside fellow multi-instrumentalist Kevin O’Connor (“I call him the St. Louis George Martin,” Niehaus says), Imagine This was the first album the then-68-year-old Johnson recorded under his own name. Niehaus also recorded Ro-

Paul Niehaus IV credits his parents with teaching him “the good stuff” — and by that he means the old stuff. | JACKIE TEUBER

land’s next album, 2019’s Set Your Mind Free, and when Johnson died in 2022, Niehaus organized the memorial jam at BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups.

Young soul up-and-comer Dylan Triplett also recorded at Blue Lotus, bagging Niehaus his first Blues Music Award (Best Emerging Artist Album) for engineering Triplett’s Who Is He? A year earlier, Niehaus was nominated for the Best Rock Blues Album BMA for producing Jeremiah Johnson’s Unemployed Highly Annoyed in 2020.

Perhaps most ambitiously, Niehaus organized and produced compilation albums for the St. Louis Blues Society, for which he sat on the board, bringing dozens of roots artists to Blue Lotus to record original music over the course of five years. The number of artists on each album coincided with the year of its release: Niehaus finished 15 in ’15, 16 in ’16, 17 in ’17, 18 in ’18 and 19 in ’19 before the pandemic put a (temporary) end to the project.

Most recently, Niehaus recorded and released Delta blues harmonica master Boo Boo Davis’ Boo Boo Boogaloo, released last April to rave reviews. The project was a culmination of his years of learning how to play the studio like an instrument.

“To get really good at something you have to spend a long time being really bad at it,” he says. “I’m obsessed with why things sound the way they do. That’s why I love the old music. It sounds so fucking good, all that ’60s music. And they were on way ‘inferior’” — here he makes air quotes — “equipment to today. You would think everyone would be churning out music that sounds better than that, but no. It’s a paradox.”

All along, Niehaus has been playing up to five or six gigs a week with multiple bands, made possible by a local scene that he says contains a superabundance of amazing musicians.

“Man, I’m so blessed,” he says. “I’m hooked up with these old dudes. You can’t buy that kind of experience and wisdom. I’ve always been an old soul. I don’t have a lot of friends my own age. And I’m OK with that.”

But for all of his gigging and recording other artists, more than a decade passed before he finally turned his attention to recording

a solo album of his own. “It took a long time to get there because I had a lot of fear,” he admits. “I wasn’t ready for it. It’s a lot easier being a sideman backing up somebody who’s been doing it a long time. I was doing so many other records. It’s easy to put your own on the back burner.”

Two years ago, Niehaus started narrowing down his original songs to those that now make up If I Stay Too Long, some of which date back to 2018. He knew that, despite his reputation as a seasoned bluesman, he wanted the album to represent a range of genres. “I love the blues, but I don’t want to just play 12-bar blues,” he says. “I wanted to make an Americana record that was eclectic. There’s soul, country, gospel, rock, cajun, a calypso song with steel drum.”

For the project, Niehaus brought on Eric Luther Ingram, whose father is Luther Ingram of “(If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don’t Want to Be Right” fame, to serve as executive producer and provide musical guidance. The album’s sole cover is a gospel-soul take on Luther Ingram’s “I’ll Be Your Shelter (In the Time of Storm).”

That track is indicative of Niehaus’ love of collaboration, a common thread throughout the record. Every song is co-written, about half with Walter Greiner, the 70-year-old “Hillbilly Poet” of St. Louis. Local R&B legend Gene Jackson co-wrote the horn-abetted title track, and Triplett shows up to add backing vocals on the excellent folk-soul ballad “Virgin on the Mountain.”

To celebrate If I Stay Too Long’s physical release (the full album won’t be streaming until November), Niehaus played a release party August 18 at Mad Art Gallery with a five-piece that included guitarist Phillip “Philmo” Montgomery and bassist Tom Maloney, veterans who played in Johnnie Johnson’s band. Now, however, Niehaus can be found around town playing the songs from the new album, as a solo performer and part of the St. Louis music scene that he so ardently admires.

“St. Louis is a music hub,” he says. “It feels like it’s ready to pop. It’s really a hotbed of originality. It’s one of the best music scenes in the country. I honestly believe that.”

All Greek to Us

The Big Fat Greek Wedding cast reunites for a third-rate adventure

Written by KAYLA MCCULLOCH

My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3

You know these are strange times for moviegoers when legacy sequels born of the 2000s and 2010s are now old enough to get legacyquels of their own. The concept dates back to at least the 1980s, with Psycho II (1983) and The Color of Money (1986) reintroducing a new generation of viewers to iconic characters from culturally significant films of the past. However, this 21st-century resurgence of an ’80s trend (hardly the only instance of such a phenomenon, to be sure) has seen a new wrinkle unfold as the ’20s progress: legacyquels to legacyquels.

First Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), then Dial of Destiny (2023). The long-awaited Toy Story 3 (2010), then Toy Story 4 (2019) for good measure. Wes Craven’s swan song Scream 4 (2011), then the echoic Scream (2022) and Scream 6 (2023). Now, a third My Big Fat Greek Wedding. One common theme permeates these nostalgic sequels to reverent reboots: They only offer mere morsels of what made the originals so worthwhile. It’s like some kind of cinematic equivalent to Plato’s allegory of the cave.

If you don’t recall the events of My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (2016) — or, as many may say, simply never saw it — you have nothing to feel bad about. I just caught up with the sequel earlier this year, and already I’ve forgotten most of what happened. The latest entry makes no effort to catch you up, save for an opening montage of stills from the previ-

ous two films seen hanging on the wall. (Always makes me laugh to see this sort of thing. Who took those photos? No one had a camera out in that scene!) Instead, it’s right into the action: Portokalos family patriarch Gus (Michael Constantine) is dead, and his dying wish was for daughter Toula (Nia Vardalos) to deliver his journal to his three childhood friends in Greece.

Accompanying Toula on the trip? Husband Ian (John Corbett), daughter Paris (Elena Kampouris), brother Nick (Louis Mandylor), aunts Voula (Andrea Martin) and Frieda (Maria Vacratsis), and Aristotle (Elias Kacavas) — a young man of ambiguous relation to the Portokaloses. Is he the son of a family friend? Paris’ ex? A plot convenience? It’s never quite clear, nor does it ever really matter. He’s there to be paired with Paris, as evidenced by his introductory scene and every scene he shares after that.

Upon arrival, they meet Victory (Melina Kotselou), the so-called mayor of Gus’ hometown, who turns out to be one of just six residents left after the area’s water supply dried up. What follows is not unlike the later acts of the prior films: alternating hangout scenes and bits galore. (And, inevitably, a marriage ceremony.) The jokes miss more often than

they hit, and moments of sincerity are devoid of the intended emotion nine times out of ten, but who’s more at fault here? Writerdirector-producer-star Nia Vardalos, who has only ever helmed a feature one other time in her career, nearly 15 years ago? Or me, the person expecting more from this trilogy-capper arriving two decades after a first installment that sufficed just fine by itself and definitely would have been better off standing alone?

If it sounds like I’m harping on Vardalos, I don’t mean to. To her credit, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 does have its saving graces. Namely, Corbett and Martin’s characters. Ian has never had very much to do in this series but stand there and keep his cool, but Corbett does it so well. (See also: his character Aidan Shaw in Sex and the City, Sex and the City 2 and And Just Like That… They keep bringing him back for a reason, you know.) Similarly, Martin makes scene-stealing seem effortless. It’s no wonder, either. Her comedic chops have been known since her SCTV days in the late 1970s. “I will be your favorite,” she declares to Victory outside the airport. Unsurprisingly, she’s right.

Rampant callbacks and mildly pleasant vacation vibes aside, there’s a mess going on with the technical components here. Editing is both choppy and hurried,

leaving little room for any emotional beats (let alone punchlines) to resonate with the audience before the film quickly heads to the next scene. Camera coverage is just as incoherent at times, with certain shots appearing so out of place that they look like shrapnel from hastily deleted scenes. Sets and locations look convincingly lived in — thanks in large part to an on-location shoot in gorgeous Athens and the surrounding countryside — but that can only take a viewer so far.

Does this movie need to exist? Did any sequels ever need to come out of the record-breaking, critically acclaimed, treacly sweet 2002 film? The answer is obviously no. However, this isn’t the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the DC Universe, the Star Wars universe or some other billion-dollar franchise spanning dozens of theatrical and streaming releases that pressures you to keep up with every new addition to the canon. Those who wish to see the newest developments in the lives of the Portokalos family will show up (and would show up for more after this, too — me included). Those who don’t, won’t.

There are no stakes here. Just 90-something minutes of harmless diversion as flavorful as a fast-food gyro — yet, somehow, still vaguely appetizing. n

Written and Directed by Nia Vardalos. Now playing.

Say “cheese!” — or is that “feta!”? | COURTESY OF YANNIS DRAKOULIDIS / FOCUS FEATURES

No Queer Films? No Thanks

The Tivoli’s new owner, One Family Church, won’t show movies related to queerness

Written by MONICA OBRADOVIC

When Luka Cai moved to St. Louis in 2016, the Tivoli Theatre was a special place.

Cai is from Singapore, a “queer-phobic” environment where they say they felt pressured to be straight and cisgender. But St. Louis, and the Tivoli at that time, felt different.

“When I moved here, the movie theater was a really important social and cultural place,” Cai says. “It was where I watched my first queer movie, where I hung out with queer friends.”

Cai and several other members of St. Louis’ LGBTQ+ community say the arthouse movie theater in the Loop was one of a dwindling number of safe spaces to be openly queer. That is, before the theater’s then-owner, Joe Edwards, sold the building to a church in 2021.

For years, One Family Church had rented the Tivoli for weekly services (its offices are next door). But with Edwards unloading properties in the Loop, the church decided to purchase its rented home. On September 1, the nondenominational church started showing movies again in the theater as part of a monthly First Friday series.

News of the beloved theater’s reopening was mostly met with excitement. But several queer-identifying people felt shut out. They’re calling for a boycott of the Tivoli because of the church’s perceived lack of support for queer people.

Angelo Ossessivo, cofounder and lead coordinator of Tower Grove Pride, tells the RFT he felt “cautious dismay” when he learned of One Family Church’s purchase of the Tivoli. The theater hosted years of Rocky Horror Picture Show performances and booked queer films since the early 1990s. One Rocky Horror cast member says the church threw out thousands of dollars’ worth of props and memorabilia that was left at the church.

Ossessivo decided to dig deeper. In 2021, when the church’s intent to buy the Tivoli was announced, he says the church refused to give anything other

than vague responses to his questions on whether the church fully accepted queer people. Tower Grove Pride created an online petition to keep LGBTQ+ movies at the Tivoli that year.

In July this year, Ossessivo criticized One Family Church on social media when it announced plans to show movies in the Tivoli. Pastor Brent Roam agreed to meet with Ossessivo afterward, he says, and elaborated the church’s stances in detail.

Ossessivo says he was told that all people are welcome in the church, where there are out LGBTQ+ members who reconcile with the church’s stances in various ways, but that the Tivoli would not screen anything related to LGBTQ+ representation, no matter the rating.

Ossessivo later wrote a blog post on Tower Grove Pride’s website titled “The Tivoli Will Never Show Another LGBTQ+ Film.”

“The truth is: No film representing the LGBTQ+ community will ever be shown at One Family Church’s Tivoli. Rocky Horror was kicked out, as was any other institution that didn’t fit in with the church’s agenda or beliefs,” the post reads.

In a statement to the RFT, One Family Church reiterated information on its website about the church’s beliefs. In part, the statement read:

“As a non-denominational Christian church, we are grounded in the teachings of the scriptures as they have been passed down from the time of Jesus to today. Like many of our brothers and sisters around the globe from nearly every Christian tradition, we wholeheartedly embrace the New Testament’s teachings about every aspect of our lives: prayer, worship, work, rest, money, sex, service,

relationships and more.”

When reached directly, Roam, the church’s founding pastor, said much of the same. He said One Family Church affirms Christian teachings in the New Testament that call for fidelity “within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman, or chastity in singleness.”

“Obviously, sexuality is a deeply intimate and personal matter, which is best discussed in person within a community, rather than online or in a newspaper,” Roam wrote in an email. “But for the sake of clarity, this statement best describes One Family Church’s teachings on this topic.”

In a 2014 sermon, Roam preached that Christians should treat gay people with love and empathy. Christians, Roam said, have wrongly treated them as if they’re “uniquely condemnable.” Still, scripture is “not ambiguous” when it comes to homosexuality, Roam later added.

“The Bible prohibits us as Christians from engaging in same-sex practice or any kind of practice that is outside the covenant bond of marriage between a man and a woman,” Roam said during the sermon.

Queer-identifying people and advocates who spoke to the RFT acknowledge One Grace Church has a right to do and believe what it wants. “They bought the Tivoli, and it’s theirs now,” Cai says.

Yet they feel compelled to press the church to be transparent about its beliefs and whether they believe being queer is a sin, so the LGBTQ+ community can decide whether they truly feel welcome there.

“We want open and honest dialogue,” says Reverend Katie Nix of Grace United Methodist Church in the Skinker De-

Baliviere neighborhood. “If this is what you believe, that’s fine, but don’t hide it. Make it clear so we can make a decision about whether this is truly a safe space for us or not.”

Queer people may be “welcome,” at One Family Church, Ossessivo says, but without a full acceptance of queer identities, he says that welcome doesn’t go far.

“I want people to know what they’re supporting if they’re supporting this particular space,” Ossessivo says.

But Ossessivo also recognizes One Family Church’s “wonderful” mission to use all profits generated from so-called First Fridays to fund its nonprofit aimed at eliminating race as a factor to homeownership in St. Louis. The nonprofit, called Fair Access to Mortgages, provides down payments and closing costs to prospective homeowners who’ve been affected by St. Louis’ history of housing discrimination, according to One Family Church’s website.

Ossessivo also understands why a church may not want to host Rocky Horror or certain films with queer themes. But there are also movies on One Family Church’s docket that include other actions considered sins, such as violence and stealing.

“I get it, Rocky Horror is sexualized,” Ossessivo says. “There are a lot of LGBTQ movies that are not family friendly, but there are also an increasing number that are just as palatable as anything depicting heterosexual relationships in a Disney movie.”

For some, One Family Church’s ownership of the former Tivoli Theatre marks the loss of yet another LGBTQ-safe space — particularly one that wasn’t centered around alcohol. The pandemic led to the closing of at least five queer bars in St. Louis. And the Grove, long thought to be the city’s “gayborhood,” has gradually changed to become less of the concentrated haven of queerness it once was.

Cai, who cofounded an organization called SQSH (St. Louis Queer+ Support Helpline), says hotline calls have increased tenfold since the pandemic began. One of the most common call topics relates to relationships and community.

“Entertainment spaces are not just entertainment spaces for the queer community,” Cai says. “They’re also spaces where relationships are made, where we form chosen family ties with each other.”

It may seem like people should give One Family Church a pass because churches should be able to run their spaces however they want, Cai says. “But in this specific incident, there’s a lot of anger and hurt and rejection,” they add. “We want to say this is not something we should condone, especially if it’s not communicated to the public.”

The Tivoli showed Top Gun: Maverick on September 1 after the pandemic halted screenings for years.

| FLICKR/PAUL SABLEMAN

STAGE 37

Sex, Lies and Poetry

The Tennessee Williams Festival St. Louis kicks off with a riveting production of the still-shocking

“Suddenly Last Summer”

Written by SARAH FENSKE

Suddenly Last Summer

Written by Tennessee Williams. Directed by Tim Ocel. Presented by the Tennessee Williams Festival St. Louis through September 17 at COCA (6880 Washington Avenue). Showtimes vary by date, and tickets are $45 to $50.

Sebastian Venable was a dilettante, a poet from a privileged New Orleans family who wrote just one poem a year, which he “printed himself on an 18th-century handpress at his atelier in the French Quarter,” in the words of his adoring mother Violet. He professed no desire for fame in his lifetime; his mother was supposed to attend to that after his death.

But then he died, and it isn’t the kind of death his dear mother could countenance. She insists Sebastian was chaste — yet Sebastian’s young cousin is telling the dreadful story that he was brutally attacked in the street by the desperately hungry street urchins he’d been sexually exploiting. For a dilettante whose mother insists his life was his work, what happens when that life is revealed as tawdry in its ludicrously ugly end?

That’s the question at the heart of “Suddenly Last Summer,” Tennessee Williams’ still-shocking 1958 play. Audiences have been flabbergasted by the cannibalism, the rapacious sex, the see-through white bathing suit that Sebastian buys his attractive young female cousin in order to lure horny beachgoers.

Yet the heart of the play is not sex, not really. It’s money — as everything in life is about money.

What will we put up with to get it? What kind of awful compro-

mises will we make? Will Violet Venable be able to bury the truth and bully her relatives and buy off a doctor to cover up the terrible story about her son? Perhaps the most surprising thing about revisiting this play in 2023 is that the frequently downbeat Williams finds a note of optimism. Not everyone is bought off by the Venables’ filthy lucre.

The new production that premiered last week at the Tennessee Williams Festival St. Louis is riveting, a swift 90-minute showcase of excellent actors tearing into Williams’ glorious dialogue. As Violet Venable, Lisa Tejero is simply remarkable. She finds the coquette in this steely, selfish woman, to the point that Williams’ fans may be reminded of Amanda Wingfield in The Glass Menagerie — only to lower the boom when her precious son’s legacy is threatened. She commands the stage, and it’s a huge credit to the much younger Naima Randolph, who plays cousin Catherine, that she holds her own. As their greedy relatives, Rengin Altay and Harrison Farmer are terrific.

But the actor whose performance I’ll be thinking about in days to come is the only lead character who isn’t given a showy role: Bradley Tejeda as Dr. Curowicz, a.k.a. Dr. Sugar. Violet Venable will never admit the truth, and Catherine will never be able to look away from it, but Dr. Sugar confronts the question we all must face. Do we go along with a lie if it means financial support for our ambitions? Do we give in to the rich people who can ease our way?

Tejeda had starring roles in the

past two Tennessee Williams festivals, first as Tom in The Glass Menagerie and, last year, as the comic lover Alvaro in The Rose Tattoo. He was great in both plays, but in this year’s quieter role he is better than ever. He seems to be listening for the first time to the almost impossible tale being told on stage. His curiosity is the audience’s curiosity; his horror, our horror.

And his temptation, too, is our temptation. Sebastian Venable wanted to believe in a cruel god, in a savage universe that sees innocents slaughtered in their first hours of life and the poor suffering — until suddenly the tables are turned. Dr. Sugar’s world, like ours, is not so violent, and his desires, like ours, are not so insidious. He wants money to help people, to advance medicine, maybe even to get married. Is that so wrong? In his troubled, handsome face, we see our compromises — and we root for him not to make them.

Williams was already a major success by the time he wrote “Suddenly Last Summer.” All of his best plays, in fact, were already behind him. When we hear about Sebastian’s writer’s block, the notebook that stayed horrifyingly empty while he gave into his baser impulses on a Spanish beach, we might be hearing a story about late-stage Tennessee Williams. But unlike Sebastian Venable, the playwright’s legacy isn’t the life he lived — it’s the marvelous work he produced for decades on end, the same work that continues to fuel this wonderful homegrown festival. One poem a year? Our Tom Williams would never

Dr. Sugar (Bradley Tejeda, standing left), Catherine (Naima Randolph, seated center) and Violet (Lisa Tejero, seated right) grapple with ugly truths in “Suddenly Last Summer.” | SUZY GORMAN

OUT EVERY NIGHT

Each week, we bring you our picks for the best concerts of the next seven days! To submit your show for consideration, visit https://bit.ly/3bgnwXZ. All events are subject to change, especially in the age of COVID-19, so do check with the venue for the most up-to-date information before you head out for the night. Happy showgoing!

THURSDAY 14

THE BUTTERY BISCUIT BAND: 9 p.m., $9. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

CUBE: w/ Sloopy McCoy, Nadir S. 8 p.m., $10. William A. Kerr Foundation, 21 O’Fallon St., St. Louis, 314-436-3325.

DEAD BOYS: w/ the Yowl, the Uppers 8 p.m., $20. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

DJ MATT BENNETT: 8 p.m., $15. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

EMILY WALLACE: 4:30 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

FREEFOOLISH: w/ Family Medicine, The Down

Bads, Super Bomb 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

GEORGE PORTER JR. & RUNNIN’ PARDNERS: w/ Funky Butt Brass Band 8 p.m., $25. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

THE HOT CLUB OF ST. LOUIS: 8 p.m., $15. Joe’s Cafe, 6014 Kingsbury Ave, St. Louis.

JAKE CURTIS BLUES: 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

NATE LOWERY: 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

PROF: w/ Cashinova, J. Plaza, Willie Wonka 8 p.m., $25. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

RHIANNON GIDDENS: 8 p.m., $47-$175. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900.

SWITCHFOOT: 8 p.m., $39.50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

FRIDAY 15

ALLIGATOR WINE: 10 p.m., $11. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

THE BLUE SPARKS: 7 p.m., free. Das Bevo Biergarten, 4749 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-224-5521.

BOXCAR: 5:30 p.m., free. The Gramophone, 4243 Manchester Ave., St. Louis, 314-531-5700.

DIANA ROSS: 8 p.m., $76-$251. The Fox Theatre, 527 N. Grand Blvd., St. Louis, 314-534-1111.

ENTER SHIKARI: 8 p.m., $25. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

GENE JACKSON’S POWER PLAY BAND: 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

HONKY TONK HAPPY HOUR: 4 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

HUNTER PEEBLES BAND: 7 p.m., free. Das Bevo Biergarten, 4749 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-224-5521.

JASON ALDEAN: 7:30 p.m., $39.75-$179.75. Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre, I-70 & Earth City Expwy., Maryland Heights, 314-298-9944.

JEFF HARNAR SINGS CY COLEMAN: 7:30 p.m., $25. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

JEREMIAH JOHNSON BAND: 5 p.m., $10. The Attic Music Bar, 4247 South Kingshighway Blvd., 2nd Floor, St. Louis, 3143765313.

JOHN MARK MCMILLAN: 8 p.m., $24-$28. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

KEVIN GRUEN: 4 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

LO-ER-KACE: 7:30 p.m., $15. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

Songs 4 Soldiers 10th Anniversary Benefit Concert w/ Cheap Trick, Travis Tritt, Tigirlily Gold and more

6 p.m. Friday, September 15, and 3 p.m. Saturday, September 16. Bolm-Schuhkraft Park, 1200 North Evergreen Lane, Columbia, Illinois. $30 to $125. 618-719-2333.

Here in St. Louis, we’re spoiled when it comes to Cheap Trick. The legendary Rockford, Illinois, power pop act seems to play in the area at least once or twice each summer, and this year is no exception. Many locals know that they can catch the band next month at the Gillioz Theatre in Springfield, but the group is also playing a lesser-known event much closer to St. Louis (and with cheaper tickets) this week in support of Songs4Soldiers, a charity for combat veterans that has raised more than $1.3 million in the past decade. The organization is celebrating its 10th anniversary in a grand way this year: by hosting a benefit concert featuring not just music from

Cheap Trick but also Travis Tritt, Tigirlily Gold, Miles Nielsen & the Rusted Hearts and more over the course of two days at Bolm-Schuhkraft City Park in Columbia, Illinois — located just across the river from south county and only a 24-minute drive from the Gateway Arch. And not only is the concert for a good cause, it’s also a steal. Just $30 to enter? It’s worth that just to see Cheap Trick play “Surrender” alone. (A 45-year-old song that is still so mighty that no less than Pearl Jam covered it in Chicago earlier this month.) You’ll also probably get classics such as “Heaven Tonight,” “The Flame” and “Dream Police,” and Cheap Trick’s famous Big Star cover, too. A steal at any price!

A Worthy Cause: Songs4Soldiers takes your modest entry fee and turns it into real, direct support for veterans. So far, the money it has raised from event tickets and donations over the years has supported soldiers by paying for 235 months of rent, 117 utility bills, 38 mortgage payments, two service dogs, and more, according to its website.

—Jaime Lees

MISS JUBILEE: 7:30 p.m., free. The Frisco Barroom, 8110 Big Bend Blvd., Webster Groves, 314-455-1090.

MODERN ANDY: w/ The Otto Modest, Westend Junction 8 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

SCREAM TOUR 2023: NEXT UP!: w/ That Girl LAY LAY, Young Dylan, WanMor, Papa Jay, Lay Bankz, D Sturdy, Citi Limitz, Rocco Lupo, King Harris, DJs Amira & Kayla, DJ Sophia Rocks, Kayla Nicole 7 p.m., $52.50-$112.50. Chaifetz Arena, 1 S. Compton Ave., St. Louis, 314-977-5000.

STATE MANDATED VIOLENCE: w/ Drop the Blade, Fatal Dose 7 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309. TURNPIKE TROUBADOURS: 7 p.m., $42-$146.50. Enterprise Center, 1401 Clark Ave., St. Louis, 314-241-1888.

VINCE SALA AND HENRY KRESS JAZZ DUO: 6 p.m., free. Alpha Brewing Company, 4310 Fyler Ave., St. Louis, 314-621-2337.

THE WILDFLOWERS: A TRIBUTE TO TOM PETTY & THE HEARTBREAKERS: 8 p.m., $20-$40. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

SATURDAY 16

THE 442S: 7:30 p.m., $20. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

ALLEN EPLEY: w/ Astral Moth, Ditchsleeper 8 p.m., $10-$13. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

APRIL WINE: 7 p.m., $42-$97. Family Arena, 2002 Arena Parkway, St Charles, 636-896-4200. BLUE MOON BLUES BAND W/KENT EHRHARDT: 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

ECOTONES: THE URBAN PRAIRIE: 2 p.m., free. Bellefontaine Cemetery, 4947 W. Florissant Ave., St. Louis, 314-381-0750.

FEA: w/ Mid Tempo Death March 8 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

GRAHAM CURRY & THE MISSOURI FURY: 7:30 p.m., free. The Frisco Barroom, 8110 Big Bend Blvd., Webster Groves, 314-455-1090.

THE HOMEWRECKERS: 5 p.m., $10. The Attic Music Bar, 4247 South Kingshighway Blvd., 2nd Floor, St. Louis, 3143765313.

IVAN CORNEJO: 8 p.m., $35-$50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

JAKE MILLER: 7:30 p.m., $23. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

THE PRINCE EXPERIENCE: 8 p.m., $30. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

SOMETHING DIFFERENT TONIGHT: 7:30 p.m., $10. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

SUN ROOM: 8 p.m., $22. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

UNCLE ALBERT: 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

UVEE HAYES: 7 p.m., $25-$35. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis. WILLI CARLISLE: 8 p.m., $18. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

SUNDAY 17

BOXCAR: 7 p.m., $15. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

BRO FRANS FAMILY BAND: 3 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

COLT BALL: 9 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

ERIK BROOKS: 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028

S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

GRIEVES: 8 p.m., $22-$72. Old Rock House, 1200

S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

HIGH VIS: 8 p.m., $20. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

Cheap Trick. | MARTIN THOMPSON

[CRITIC’S PICK]

INFERNA: w/ Shaka, Mindclot 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

JEFF ROSENSTOCK: 8 p.m., $22. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

JOHN MCVEY BAND: 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

JUST JOSHIN AROUND: 1 p.m., free. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

PORCHFEST 2023: 1 p.m., free. 6008 Kingsbury Ave, 6008 Kingsbury Avenue, St. Louis.

SPENCER MCDOLE: 10 a.m., free. Das Bevo Biergarten, 4749 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-224-5521.

MONDAY 18

BUTCH MOORE: 4:30 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

FOTOCRIME: w/ Trauma Harness, Dour 8 p.m., $10-$12. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

MONDAY NIGHT REVIEW: w/ Tim, Danny and Randy 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

SOULARD BLUES BAND: 9 p.m., $8. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

TUESDAY 19

ALFREDO RODRIGUEZ: 7:30 p.m., $30. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

BEHEMOTH: w/ Twin Temple, Imperial Triumphant 7 p.m., $34.50. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

BETH HART: 7:30 p.m., $49.50-$99.50. The Factory, 17105 N Outer 40 Rd, Chesterfield, 314-423-8500.

DURAND JONES & THE INDICATIONS: 8 p.m.,

$24.50-$29.50. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

ERIC LYSAGHT: 9 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

GUSHER: w/ VV, T.U.F.T., Hybrid Head 9 p.m., $10. CBGB, 3163 S. Grand Blvd., St. Louis.

J.D. HUGHES: 4:30 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

KATIE ALICE GREER: w/ Bleach Balta, Jesse Rose

Crane 7:30 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

NAKED MIKE: 6 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

WEDNESDAY 20

BUCK THE TAXIDERMIST: w/ Bobby Stevens, Kelly Latimore 8 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

CHURCH OF CASH: 8 p.m., $15-$20. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

DREW LANCE: 4:30 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

LUKAS NELSON + POTR: 8 p.m., $29.50. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

MARGARET & FRIENDS: 3 p.m., $5.

THREE DAYS GRACE AND CHEVELLE: 7 p.m., $39.50-$59.50. St. Louis Music Park, 750 Casino Center Dr., Maryland Heights, 314-451-2244.

VOODOO PHISH: 9 p.m., $14. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

THIS JUST IN

75 DOLLAR BILL: Fri., Sept. 22, 8 p.m., $10-$20.

Joe’s Cafe, 6014 Kingsbury Ave, St. Louis.

ALIEN NOSEJOB: W/ Clickbait, Still Animals.

Shitstorm, Sun., Sept. 24, 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

ALL ROOSTERED UP: Sat., Sept. 23, noon, free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

ANDY COCO & CO.: Sun., Sept. 24, 2 p.m., free.

Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis,

Dead Boys w/ the Yowl, the Uppers

8 p.m. Thursday, September 14. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street. $20. 314-714-8678.

Having split off from proto-punk act Rocket from the Tombs in 1975 before rapidly ratcheting up its outrageous live antics to absurd heights (due primarily to the largerthan-life presence of late vocalist Stiv Bators), Cleveland act the Dead Boys has solid ground from which to call itself one of the originators of hardcore punk. The band’s 1977 album Young, Loud and Snotty is considered a classic of the genre, with opening track “Sonic Reducer” having been covered by everyone from Guns N’ Roses to Leeway to Overkill to Saves the Day. (Fans of a certain age probably first heard it on one of the Tony Hawk’s Underground video games, or perhaps in its sampled form on the Beastie Boys’ “An Open Letter to NYC.”) While the band only lasted a few years in

314-621-8811.

BARBARO: Thu., Nov. 2, 7 p.m., $15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

BIG SOMETHING: Thu., April 18, 7 p.m., $18. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

BRIAN CURRAN: Thu., Sept. 21, 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

BROTHER FRANCIS AND THE SOULTONES: Sat., Sept. 23, 10 p.m., $12. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

BROTHER JEFFERSON: Sun., Sept. 24, 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

CANDICE IVORY: Sun., Oct. 15, 4 p.m., $25. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis.

CAROLYN MASON: W/ Uvee Hayes, Sun., Sept. 24, 1 p.m., $25. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis.

COMMUNITY GOSPEL CHOIR NEW MEMBER NIGHT: Sun., Sept. 24, 6 p.m., free. Second Baptist Church, 9030 Clayton, St. Louis, 314-991-3424.

its original form, hanging it up in 1980 after the release of We Have Come for Your Children, its legacy endures. Dead Boys reformed for a handful of gigs in the ’80s, but Bators’ sudden death in 1990 due to injuries sustained when he was hit by a French taxi saw the surviving members of the band go their separate ways. Guitarist Cheetah Chrome kept the flame alive in his solo shows over the following decades, and in 2017, he pulled together a new lineup to celebrate the 40th anniversary of Young, Loud and Snotty’s release, featuring Oakland’s Jake Hout handling vocal duties. That arrangement has stuck, and the reconstituted band has been bringing its classic punk sound to stages across the country ever since — much to the delight of its legions of fans.

D Spikener On Call Band, Fri., Sept. 22, 7 p.m., $25-$35. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis.

KINFOLK AND THEM: Fri., Nov. 3, 7 p.m., $25$35. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis.

KINGDOM BROTHERS: Sat., Oct. 21, 7 p.m., $25$35. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis.

KIRKOS ALBUM RELEASE SHOW: Sat., Sept. 23, 8 p.m., $10-$15. The Crack Fox, 1114 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-621-6900.

LAKA: Fri., Oct. 27, 7 p.m., $25-$35. Sat., Oct. 28, 7 p.m., $25-$35. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis.

MALINDA: Fri., Sept. 22, 8 p.m., $28. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

MARTY ABDULLAH & THE EXPRESSIONS: Fri., Sept. 22, 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

MASTER BLASTER: A TRIBUTE TO STEVIE WONDER: Sat., Oct. 21, 8 p.m., $20. Blueberry HillThe Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

MATTIE SCHELL & FRIENDS PLAY WAYLON AND WILLIE: Fri., Nov. 3, 8 p.m., $18. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

MOLTEN BONE II CASSETTE RELEASE SHOW: W/ Loredo Venus, NNN Cook, Wed., Sept. 27, 8 p.m., $5. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

MYSTERY SKULLS: Wed., Nov. 15, 8 p.m., $20. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

THE NICK MOSS BAND FT. DENNIS GRUENLING: Sat., Oct. 7, 7 p.m., $15. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

PAUL BONN AND THE BLUESMEN: Thu., Sept. 21, 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

PUSSY RIOT: Tue., Nov. 28, 8 p.m., $25. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. THE QUEBE SISTERS: W/ the Steel Wheels, $22. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

RICH MCDONOUGH & THE RHYTHM RENEGADES: Sat., Sept. 23, 2 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

RONNIE BAKER BROOKS: Thu., Sept. 21, 8 p.m., $28. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

SCOTT MULVAHILL: Fri., Nov. 3, 8 p.m., $15. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

SKEET RODGERS: Sat., Sept. 30, 7 p.m., $25-$35. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis.

—Daniel Hill

All This and More: Opening the show will be the psychedelic garage rock of the Yowl and the Oi!-infused pop rock of the Uppers. Both acts are local and worthy of your support.

CREE RIDER: Tue., Sept. 26, 5 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

DEAR GENRE: Sat., Sept. 23, 4 p.m., free. The Wink! Annex, 4209 Virginia, St. Louis, 314-337-1288.

DEVON CAHILL: Sun., Sept. 24, 1 p.m., free. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

DJANGO KNIGHT: Sat., Oct. 14, 7 p.m., $25-$35. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis.

ETHAN JONES: Tue., Sept. 26, 9 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

HEROES OF THE KINGDOM: W/ Lark’s Tongue, Dibiase, Fri., Sept. 22, 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

HOWARD STREET: Fri., Oct. 13, 7 p.m., $25-$35. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis.

I GOT THE VARSITY BLUES: W/ Joe Metzka, Marty

SÖLICITÖR: W/ Sarkatha, Chemical Dependency, Thu., Sept. 21, 8 p.m., $12-$15. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309. ST. LOUIS CIVIC ORCHESTRA: Sat., Feb. 24, 7 p.m., free. Harris-Stowe State University, Henry Givens Administration Building Auditorium, 3026 Laclede Avenue, St. Louis.

STRANGE RANGER: W/ Algae Dust, Tyson Armond, Sat., Sept. 23, 8 p.m., $15. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

TANNER USREY: Fri., Dec. 1, 8 p.m., $20. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

VIAL + JER: W/ Boy Jr., Sun., Dec. 3, 8 p.m., $20. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

VOODOO NEIL YOUNG: Wed., Oct. 11, 9 p.m., $14. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

VOODOO PRINCE: Tue., Oct. 31, 8 p.m., $15-$20. The Big Top, 3401 Washington Avenue, St. Louis, 314-533-0367.

WALTER PARKS: Sat., Oct. 7, 7 p.m., $25-$35. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis. n

Dead Boys. | JEFF FASANO

[CRITIC’S PICK]

SAVAGE LOVE

The Italian Job

BY DAN SAVAGE

Hey Dan: I’m reading you from Italy, and I could really use your advice. About four years ago, I started dating a girl who I’ve been living with for the past two months. Since I’ve known her, she has been suffering from periods of depression and anxiety, although I didn’t know it when we first started to date. She used to spend a lot of time in therapy and continues to take medication. It has been very tough for both of us, and I even ended up talking to a psychologist for a while.

I was immediately captivated by her sensitivity, her sweetness and the way she sees things. In many ways, she completes me. But soon after the beginning stages of our relationship, our connection lost its passionate side almost entirely, mainly due to the medication she’s taking but also because of her anxieties related to the fear of pain in her intimate areas. I’ve tried to accept this while encouraging her to see specialists who could alleviate her fears. I’ve also been encouraging her to resume her conversations with her psychologist, which she stopped about three months ago.

What should I do? I don’t want to break up with her. I care about her and believe that with time, things will get better, but right now there is a significant void in our relationship.

Vexed Over Intimate Decline

You’re not fucking, right?

I don’t know what else “our connection lost its passionate side” could possibly mean, so I’m gonna go with “not fucking.” And it sounds like the fucking stopped — it sounds like the passion was lost — pretty early in the relationship (“soon after the beginning stages”), which means you’ve been in a sexless relationship years.

Just in case you need to hear it: There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with your romantic partner, VOID, particularly if the relationship was sexual at the start. While I don’t think it’s fair to head for the exits at the first sign of a physical or emotional challenge — it’s certainly not loving — we aren’t obligated to stay in relationships that don’t meet our reasonable emotional and physical needs.

You said don’t want to break up, VOID, but you need to consider it. Because not only are you growing increasingly unhappy in this relationship, VOID, it doesn’t sound like your girlfriend is very happy. You’ve tried to help, and it hasn’t worked — but, hey, maybe something will click in another year or two or three and your girlfriend will start seeing her psychologist again and the specialists she needs to see. (I would

recommend a pelvic floor specialist.) But what if things don’t get better? What if this is it? Are you willing to stay in this relationship, as-is, for the rest of your life?

Having a loving and supportive partner in our corner during a life crisis can make all the difference. But sometimes having a partner who refuses to leave us because we’re depressed or unemployed or on fire — sometimes knowing our partner would never abandon us in that condition — can perversely incentivize not seeking treatment or looking for work or stamping out the flames. Which is why a person in your position, VOID, a person with your values, eventually has to ask himself, “Is staying helping my partner or hurting my partner?

Am I standing by them or am I enabling them?” Some other questions you need to ask yourself at this point: “Am I happy?” “Am I being cared for?” “If nothing changes, can I live like this — can I live with these unfilled voids — for the rest of my life?”

Once you’ve answered those questions — and answered them honestly — you’ll know what you need to do. Leaving will be extremely hard, if that’s what ultimately decide you need to do, but leaving someone doesn’t have to mean abandoning them. You can still be there for this amazing woman — not as a boyfriend, but as a close friend. Still supportive, still encouraging and still amazed.

Hey Dan: I’m 31-year-old Italian girl. I’m in a relationship with a married man who has two children, both around the age of 10. He joined my sports league this winter. We had a long flirtship that became sexual in April, and we fell in love. The first months were awesome, and we had great sex imbued with both romance and roughness. As our relationship went on, he started saying things that seemed to show a desire to separate from his wife. (He says they don’t have sex.) He said things like, “I would love just doing laundry with you,” and, “I really would love to sleep with you every night.” At some point, things with his wife worsened. He shared thoughts about separation and divorce with me and with his parents. (His parents now know of my existence.) At some point, during a conflict with his wife, they finally used the word “separation.” He became sad and told me he couldn’t do it. He said his kids would suffer too much. From that moment, I could not bear this relationship anymore. I am too deeply in love, and my expectations could not revert to what they once were. I’m trying to break up with him, but it is hard. I talked with him about my feelings, and he feels guilty about telling me things that made me believe in a future with him. So now, even though he says he is in love with me, he has agreed to break up, because he doesn’t want me to suffer. But I am sad. I don’t know what to do. I know it would be better for me

to forget about him, but it is hard. Are there any solutions to overcoming this situation quickly? One of the problems is that we are on the same recreational sport team, which means we see each other twice a week.

Breakup Attempt Somehow Isn’t Catching

So you wanna break up with him, he’s graciously agreed to break up with you, but you’re having a hard time sticking the dismount because — like Neil Sedaka discovered back in 1962 — breaking up is hard to do. It’s particularly hard to do when the sex is great, the connection is awesome and circumstances keep throwing you together.

But circumstances aren’t outside your control. If you can’t see him without feeling sad and/or wanting to fuck him and/or feeling sad right after you fuck him, BASIC, then you’ll have to stop seeing him. That means asking him to quit the team (you were there first) or, if he refuses, quitting yourself. If you’re not willing to do that — if you’re not willing quit the team — then I can only conclude you don’t wanna stop fucking this guy, and you aren’t going to stop fucking this guy. You have the decency to feel bad, though, which speaks well of you.

P.S. If your lover is only staying in his marriage because the kids are young and divorce would upend their lives, your lover and his wife are likely to part ways — amicably — once their kids are grown. I realize a decade is a long time to wait, but mistresses who play the long game sometimes win the crown. Just ask Camilla.

Hey Dan: I am a 29-year-old Italian man living in London. In April, I started dating a guy from here, one year older than me, who recently came out as gay after 13 years with a woman. I assumed from the beginning that it wasn’t going to work, as he understandably needed to explore his sexuality. However, we dated for a couple of months and had a very strong bond. We talked every day, we saw each other whenever we could, we spent whole weekends together. It didn’t feel like a casual relationship. Anyway, after a couple of months, I brought up the “boyfriends” topic and he was very clear that he didn’t want a “relationship” even though he was loving his time with me.

So, I put up my defense shield and disappeared. That was a month ago, and we basically haven’t spoken since. However, a week ago, two of my friends told me that he hit on them. As in, there were two times when we were all hanging out together and he was very flirty with them. Even to the point that he apparently asked one of my friends for a blowjob. I know we weren’t in an exclusive relationship, but what the fuck? Hitting on my friends? Go and do it with whoever you want, bro, but my friends? I feel like I completely misunderstood everything, that he didn’t

give a fuck about me, and that I am worthless. I’m in therapy and I know this is something I have to work on. But I just can’t get over it, I feel completely played and worthless. What do you think?

Completely Insensitive And Outrageous

Pull yourself together.

Unlike your ex-whatever-he-was, CIAO, you didn’t come out yesterday. You’re a nearly 30-year-old out gay man with a good group of friends around you — assuming none of those friends blew this guy while you were in the other room — and you’re a having a meltdown because things didn’t work out with someone you dated for two months. It sucks when someone you wanted doesn’t want you back and it sucks when someone turned out to be the kind of person who would hit on your friends. But it’s a very big jump from, “This guy didn’t care about me,” to, “I am utterly worthless.” Frankly, CIAO, that’s the kind of reaction I would expect from a guy who’d just come out, i.e., a guy with zero experience dating people he was actually attracted to, and not from someone who’d been out and dating for years.

You can’t help but to feel your feelings, CIAO, and I’m not trying to shame you. It’s good you’re seeing someone, because if this is your reaction after a two-month relationship with a baby gay ended badly, having someone to talk you through it is a good idea. You should also talk with your therapist about how you ghosted this guy because he wasn’t ready to tell you precisely what you wanted to hear and precisely when you wanted to hear it. Hitting on the friends of someone who has feelings for you is a shitty thing to do, CIAO, but disappearing on people because they’re not ready to commit — ready yet or ready ever — is also a pretty shitty thing to do. Maybe your therapist can help you see that.

Finally, it’s not unheard of for a gay man to introduce a new boyfriend to his friends — or a new casual fuck buddy to his friends — only to discover that his new boyfriend and/or fuck buddy has already slept with half of his friends. That’s not what happened in this case: This guy hasn’t been out long enough to have slept with half your friends already. You were casual sex partners, but keeping things casual isn’t a license to be inconsiderate. And it was incredibly inconsiderate of this guy to treat being introduced to your friends — usually a sign that a relationship is moving away from casual and toward something more serious — like a night at home scrolling through Grindr.

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