Riverfront Times, September 20, 2023

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Owner, Chief Executive Officer and Publisher Chris Keating Executive Editor Sarah Fenske

EDITORIAL

Managing Editor Jessica Rogen Digital Content Editor Jaime Lees Editor at Large Daniel Hill

Staff Writers Ryan Krull, Monica Obradovic Dining Critic Cheryl Baehr Theater Critic Tina Farmer

Music Critic Steve Leftridge

Contributors Aaron Childs, Max Bouvatte, Thomas Crone, Mike Fitzgerald, Virginia Harold, Reuben Hemmer, Braden McMakin, Tony Rehagen, Mabel Suen, Theo Welling Columnists Chris Andoe, Dan Savage

ART & PRODUCTION

Art Director Evan Sult

Creative Director Haimanti Germain Graphic Designer Aspen Smit

MULTIMEDIA ADVERTISING

Associate Publisher Colin Bell

Account Manager Jennifer Samuel Directors of Business Development Tony Burton, Rachel Hoppman

BUSINESS

Regional Operations Director Emily Fear

CIRCULATION

Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers

BIG LOU HOLDINGS

VP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein

Audience Engagement Editor Chloe Murdock

NATIONAL ADVERTISING

VMG Advertising 1-888-278-9866, vmgadvertising.com

SUBSCRIPTIONS

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FRONT BURNER

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 11. It’s been 22 years since 9/11, and conspiracists are everywhere on X/Twitter. Remember when it was lefties who thought 9/11 was an inside job — and Rudy Giuliani was America’s mayor?

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 12. Drew Barrymore says she’s bringing back her talk show during the ongoing writer’s strike — sans writers. Yeah, that’ll fly.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13. Senator Mitt Romney is retiring, saying basically that Josh Hawley is so terrible, he can’t even be in the same room with him. A familiar feeling! Meanwhile, preservationists gather in Midtown to protest Saint Louis University’s demolition application for two buildings on the edge of what was Mill Creek Valley. SLU tells the RFT that while, yes, it sought the demolition permit, “the university is also

Previously On

LAST WEEK IN ST. LOUIS

seeking to engage parties interested in acquiring and redeveloping the properties.” Time for somebody to step up.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 14. Hunter Biden is indicted on federal gun charges, and conservatives can’t decide if they like the 2nd Amendment more than they hate the Bidens. Also, the Post-Dispatch reports that St. Louis Circuit Attorney Gabe Gore charged twice as many cases in his first three months as Kim Gardner did during the same period. Maybe one reason our jail is again bursting?

4 QUESTIONS for Big Mike Aguirre

Big Mike Aguirre returned to St. Louis for the blues and soul showcase at Music at the Intersection earlier this month — and traveled much further than most of its other performers. Somewhat accidentally, Aguirre left St. Louis for Anguilla during the COVID-19 pandemic and, until this month, hadn’t been back since. That, he notes, was 1,274 days away.

While Aguirre was back in town for the festival on September 9 to 10, he found other gigs as well, including one at BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups. We traded emails about his long time away from the city and his short time back in St. Louis (in March, he moved from Anguilla to the U.S. Virgin Islands, which he now considers his home, and returned last week).

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

What were the factors that led you to depart from St. Louis?

It certainly wasn’t planned! My last night in St. Louis was spent on stage with our Blu City All Stars friends and family at the Broadway Oyster Bar on Friday, March 6, 2020. I got on a plane a few hours after wrapping up our show in the wee hours of the morning. We arrived on March 9, 2020. COVID-19 came out of nowhere and shut the entire world down, and my partner in crime Kristin and I wound up “stuck in paradise.” One week turned into three and a half years without setting foot in the United States. As you can imagine, it was an otherworldly experience. Shipwrecked as it were, we had to scratch and claw our way back.

Are there musical styles and influences that crept into your life because of your move?

Characters like Bankie Banx, Calypsonians United, Roots & Herbs Nyabinghi, Dyversity Fungi (Scratch) bands, the Fabulous Elmtones in Cane Garden Bay, deep cuts of classic reggae, ska, Ernest Ranglin and, lately, a good deal of bachata from the Dominican Republic. My dad was born in Argentina. His dad was born in Guerrero, Mexico. I’ve been drawn back to the West Indies, where all of these cultural influences come back together. Given the prevalence of Latin culture and Spanish spoken on these little islands, I’ve finally found an immersive environment in which I can rekindle and improve my Spanish.

What do you miss about the music scene in St. Louis?

I miss the people most of all. People I know and love; people I have a history with; people who collectively create the tapestry of the St. Louis music community. The thing is, I can be in town full-time and still

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 15. The United Auto Workers go on strike, and that includes the General Motors plant in Wentzville. Also, in a blow to historic preservation, the Mullanphy Home that once welcomed immigrants to St. Louis burns to the ground.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 16. Rolling Stone founder Jann Wenner is canceled after telling the New York Times that he thinks only white men have been “philosophers of rock ‘n’ roll,” a warped perspective that was abundantly clear to anyone reading Rolling

Stone in the last half-century — but surely Wenner knew better than to come right out and say it ? Meanwhile, in the Mt. Pleasant neighborhood, a biker popping a wheelie hits a pedestrian and dies. Also, parents of transgender teens are angry after Wash U pulls the plug on treatments for minors. The area’s most powerful institution is afraid of lawsuits.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 17. Predictably, outrage spurs Drew Barrymore to cancel her talk show return, and so it’s back to TikTok to find something new to watch. Or sports: Today the Cardinals win 6-5 on the strength of an 8thinning Jordan Walker home run, City SC pulls off a come-from-behind tie in the 87th minute in Houston and even City2 wins at home. Oh, and the weather is perfection. Here’s to September in St. Louis!

miss people. It was rare to see many of my musician friends’ shows because we were all performing around town on the same nights.

It’s been over three years since I’ve played my style of music. In Anguilla, I was happy to sit in and accompany other musicians and step back from the frontman role I’ve held for so long. At the same time, it’s not the same as playing within one’s comfort zone, with musicians who have developed an innate chemistry over the course of hundreds of gigs.

What’s the best thing about a move like yours?

Not a substitute for being absent, but a realization of the whole of which we are all a part. You go from feeling like a lonely teardrop, to every puddle in a pothole, to every creek, to every river, to the ocean itself. And when you look out across the sea and up into the big blue sky, or gaze upon the stars at night, the distinction between the part and the whole disappears. There is comfort in that, as well as a connection between the love for those we miss and love for those we would never have met without jumping down the rabbit hole. That’s what music is all about: striving for, living within and sharing that immutable frequency where it all comes together.

—Thomas Crone

Big Mike Aguirre came, he saw, he played — and then he returned to St. John. | COURTESY PHOTO

WEEKLY WTF?!

FENCE WATCH

Where: Bent Avenue and Hartford Street

When: Wednesday, September 13

Theory #1 of the case: The neighbors are fed up with the barking dogs at this house and intended the crude drawings to be a sort of scarlet letter.

Theory #2: The owner of the house got sick of neighbors complaining about her barking dogs and is now trying to offend their eyes as well as their ears.

Theory #3: This is a complicated ploy to get a fence painted for free. Someone is pulling a modern-day Tom Sawyer.

Whatever the situation: It has surely been exacerbated by the Nextdoor app.

15 SECONDS OF FAME

MISSOURAH EXORCIST OF THE WEEK

Rick Morrow

Rick Morrow is the pastor of Beulah Church in Richland, Missouri. He’s also a cage fighter, which tells you something, we suppose. Anyhoo, Pastor Morrow made headlines last week from New York to Kansas City to Jerusalem by developing a cure for autism.

Morrow’s keen insight was gleaned from this one minister he knows who’s seen “lots of kids who are autistic.” This guy, according to Morrow, cast the demons out of autism-stricken children, and their brains were “rewired.” See, it really could be that simple! Get the demon out, and the neurodivergence goes away.

Morrow’s scientific breakthrough has already led to him being forced to resign from the Stoutland School Board. Even in Missourah, there are apparently consequences for these things. But we’re surely not hearing the last of this prophet. Perhaps someday he, like other noted autism researchers before him, might even mount a credible campaign for U.S. president.

SOMETIMES IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS THAT COUNT

Yes, they have dogs. And the dogs bark. | RYAN KRULL

Verily, a prophet is not without honor except in his hometown. | SCREENSHOT

Nude Modeling Leads to Firing

Simon Law Firm tells Rachel Worcel to take a hike

Written by RYAN KRULL

It was a big deal for Rachel Worcel when she was hired by the Simon Law Firm in St. Louis last month.

Worcel, 48, has been a paralegal since 1999, but joining the civil litigation firm felt like a significant step up. For the first time in her career she had her own office, in the firm’s headquarters right next to Busch Stadium. The sort of cases the firm worked on were bigger than at her previous employer (just two weeks ago the Simon Law Firm won a $745 million judgment stemming from a fatal automobile crash). The new job also came with a substantial raise.

“I was really excited,” Worcel tells the RFT.

Her first day went smoothly enough. But Worcel says she knew something was amiss by her second day there. She felt like she was being avoided.

That morning, an HR rep came into her office, sat down and said that they had to have a difficult conversation.

“She said that somebody sent us some disturbing images of you online,” Worcel recalls. “I stopped her, and I’m like, ‘So I can’t work here?’”

In short order, the HR rep escorted Worcel out to her car and asked her to hand over her parking pass. Worcel says she felt “like a criminal.”

The Simon Law Firm told the RFT in a statement that it can’t comment on private personnel matters.

Worcel had done nothing illegal. In fact, she’s had a long second career moonlighting as a model, including in the pages of Hustler magazine as well as (twice) on the cover of the RFT. She’s also active on TikTok and Instagram.

Worcel was part of a Hustler “MILF mania” issue in April 2010.

“I was the first official ‘MILF’ of Hustler magazine,” she says. “So that was kind of exciting.”

She appeared on the cover of the RFT in 2008 and 2013, the latter for a feature about area water parks ejecting women whose swimsuits were too revealing. (Worcel has never been ejected from a water park; she just helped illustrate the problem on our cover.)

“I did make some money, but not that much, honestly, with modeling. It was more just to create art,” she says. “I just kind of liked creating things.”

It was the desire to be engaged in the arts that drove Worcel to take up modeling relatively later than many others. She first posed for the camera in 2006 when she was 31, many years after she’d started working as a paralegal.

“It gave me life,” she says of her modeling. “I felt so alive doing it.”

Much of the content is racy, but in general Worcel’s body of work

is much closer to being rated PG13 than triple-X or even R. She says she always took pains to keep the two aspects of her life separate.

“I didn’t tell anybody because I don’t go around the office saying that stuff,” she says. “Like, I’m kind of embarrassed, honestly, in that environment.”

Stories similar to Worcel’s have made headlines in recent years, with women in a wide variety of jobs — from auto mechanics to health care workers, Taco Bell employees to teachers — being fired for moonlighting in adult entertainment. Worcel says she feels like it’s hypocritical for an employer to fire an employee for no other reason than their adult content. “Do they look at pornography? Do they go to strip clubs?” she says of the people who fired her.

Worcel’s story is unique in that it’s also something of a mystery as to how the law firm that was brief-

ly her employer became aware of her nude modeling.

Because for decades, as part of Worcel’s efforts to keep her legal and her modeling lives separate, she has only modeled under the name Rachel Gunn. She has no idea who disclosed her modeling to the law firm, or how or why anyone went out of their way to sabotage her.

“I’m not sure who would recognize me,” she says. “I’m not sure how they made the connection of ‘Worcel’ to ‘Gunn.’”

Worcel says the law firm’s HR person told her that she had to be fired because there is an attorney on staff whose name is Gunn. Worcel says she couldn’t get much more of an explanation as to why that mattered, beyond being told the attorneys were worried about their reputations.

Worcel says the Simon Law Firm did give her two weeks’ pay as severance, and she was able to go back to the smaller firm where she’s been a paralegal since 2016. The salary isn’t as high, but she says she’s grateful to be there.

But the thought of not being able to advance in her career still stings. The past few weeks have been difficult. She hasn’t totally come to terms with what happened.

“I was computing how much I was able to save a month,” she says of her anticipation of the Simon Law Firm job. “I was really excited to finally have a little financial freedom, instead of living from paycheck to paycheck. I’m not allowed to do that now. I have to keep struggling.”

Worcel adds, “It feels like I’m wearing a scarlet letter.”

Rachel Worcel was devastated to lose her job at the Simon Law Firm. | BRADEN MCMAKIN

Similar stories have made headlines in recent years, with women in a wide variety of jobs being fired for moonlighting in adult entertainment.

Sign Story Wasn’t True

Officials now acknowledge St. Louis moved to corrugated signs long before a flood shut down their print shop

Written by SARAH FENSKE

Last month, St. Louis officials explained away their move from aluminum to corrugated cardboard street signs by saying that flooding in the Street Department print shop had necessitated the change.

But now the city says it never used corrugated cardboard, only a “hardened plastic corrugated material” — and that said switch had nothing to do with the flood. Oh, and it actually switched in the last year to a totally different material — and that was because of the flood.

Got all that? It turns out the flood didn’t compel the city to start using easily damaged signs. It actually got them to stop using them.

I started looking into changes to St. Louis street signs in early August after getting reports that some stop signs around the city had seemingly been bisected. Presuming the signs were made of a classic metal, I wondered who’d gone to such lengths. “Does St. Louis have a serial stop sign slasher?” I asked in a headline.

As I would soon learn, however, the city’s signs haven’t been metal for years. In answer to my inquiry a few weeks ago, the city confirmed as much, saying it had switched to corrugated cardboard after flooding rendered the Street Department’s facility in Ellendale inoperable.

But after the RFT published that story, I heard from a Street Department worker. Dwight Johnson Jr. said it was absolutely false that the flooded-out city building had led to the move to corrugated material. He said it had happened nearly three years ago, and that he complained bitterly at the time.

At the time, his job involved

printing and then pressing vinyl onto what he says was corrugated cardboard. He says it was immediately clear the new material was far inferior. It would bend in the machines they used.

“The vinyl keeps coming off,” he remembers telling his supervisors. “It’s not going to work.”

Confronted with Johnson’s account, the city acknowledged that its initial timeline had been incorrect. Jamie Wilson, commissioner of traffic, said in a phone interview on September 1 that the city actually made the switch from fiberglass to a “hardened plastic corrugated material” two or three years ago — at least a year before the flood. Wilson said the city’s fiberglass sign supplier had stopped making them, so “the department explored other options.”

But, Wilson insisted, the signs are not actually cardboard (again, “hardened plastic corrugated material” was as descriptive as he was willing to get). Despite the various bent and bisected signs that have been spotted around town, he says the city has had no problems with the lighter material.

Instead, he says, they switched to a third option last summer because of, yes, the flood that ravaged Ellendale.

“It destroyed the Street Department where we applied sheeting and lettering,” he says. “We weren’t able to occupy the building.” Needing new signs, they switched to aluminum ones pur-

chased through the Missouri Department of Transportation.

Even so, Wilson believes the city’s use of a corrugated material — whether cardboard or a “hardened plastic corrugated material” — was a success. “I’ve never had a complaint given to me about plastic signs,” he says. He also says he received zero allegations of increased sign vandalism.

Johnson, however, tells a different story. He says the change in quality from fiberglass to what he describes as cardboard was noticeable.

“It was the wrong kind of material,” he says. “That’s why you get people cutting them in half.”

Before the switch to corrugated signs, he says, “It worked. It wasn’t cheap, but it wasn’t expensive either. Cardboard signs are $6 a pop. You get what you pay for.” He estimates there are up to 2,000 cardboard versions out there on the city streets, and he’s not the least bit surprised that they’re bending on their posts (and being bisected).

Johnson acknowledges that he is plenty annoyed at the city. A St. Louis native and military veteran, he had dreams of working for his hometown and took a job back in 2011 as a utility worker hoping to put his degree in graphic design to use. It took years, but he was finally formally promoted in 2020 to become a traffic arts technician.

But his years working for the city were frustrating in the extreme. He ended up filing a griev-

ance over an unsafe work situation, which was substantiated, and ultimately went on leave due to the stress of the job.

On August 30, he officially gave two weeks notice.

“In all, this department needs to be investigated thoroughly, but it’s highly unlikely. I do wish that success does come in the future for the city employees that continue to work hard but smart like myself,” he wrote in his resignation letter. “I hope the incompetent, and inconsistencies that work in management are replaced with transparent individuals that can turn that department around. What’s going on in my city is truly heart breaking and all I can do is wish for the best.

“I also did not want to take the responsibility of creating defected or lazy signage that has been displayed on the City of Saint Louis streets,” he continued. “That is also a safety hazard for the communities as a whole.”

Wilson declined comment on all personnel issues.

Perhaps the only thing Johnson and Wilson agree upon is that the St. Louis Street Department is extremely short-staffed. Wilson says, “In general, we’ve been operating with one-fourth to one-third of our positions vacant. For the Street Department overall, that’s consistent.”

Wilson notes that a new change to state law removes the residency requirement for city workers, and he’s hopeful more people will now apply.

In the meantime, he asked me for coordinates on one of the bent signs I reported on in August. Through a spokesman, he later reported that the department investigated the sign and that it is indeed plastic, not cardboard.

The spokesman said the city has since replaced it with a metal sign. n

A street sign in Shaw bends in the wind. | SARAH FENSKE

“This department needs to be investigated thoroughly, but it’s highly unlikely.”

Vacant Buildings Are Catnip for Copper Thieves

St. Alexius’ owner can’t stop the pillaging, despite a security guard on site

Written by RYAN KRULL

Apair of large vacant buildings in St. Louis’ Gravois Park neighborhood are proving popular with scrap metal thieves, who have gone to incredible lengths to pilfer from them.

So far this year, St. Louis police have been called more than 80 times to the Jefferson Campus of the shuttered St. Alexius Hospital and the abandoned National Graphics building next door. The two buildings sit on adjacent blocks of Miami Street, near Jefferson Avenue.

“It’s the copper,” says Jeff Ahlholm, who owns the land the old hospital sits upon. “Literally they will pass over taking other stuff that might even have greater value. But [copper] is what they know.”

Ahlholm says the thieving operations are often sophisticated.

“That’s what’s been shocking,” he says. “Some of the arrests have involved groups that are doing this slowly and strategically, almost like it’s their profession. It’s staged over days and days, even weeks.”

According to Ahlholm, a group of thieves were in the middle of methodically disassembling a large boiler in the basement of the old hospital over a period of days when he had new fencing put up. He says the thieves destroyed the fencing in what he calls an act of “retribution.”

“We have video of them ramming their truck into the fencing, almost like a tank,” he says. “Then, once they smashed up the fencing so that they could actually go in if they wanted to, they didn’t. They just packed up and drove away.”

Ahlholm says that he has security at his building virtually 24/7 and that people mostly break in at night, but that more than a few have been spotted during the day, too.

Videos and still images shared with the RFT show scrap thieves in broad daylight, leaving the building in pickup trucks and large vans, carrying tool bags and even wearing ear protection. Other surveillance video shows them hauling scrap away in makeshift hand carts and large trash bins.

One of the people Ahlholm hired to provide security for the property talked to the RFT under the condition we not use her name, saying she didn’t want to draw more ire from the scrap thieves.

“They all know me,” the security worker said of the thieves. “They hate me.”

She showed the RFT numerous photos

she took herself of thieves leaving the premises. She says she calls the police if she thinks there’s a chance they might arrive in time to make an arrest, but if the thief has already run away, she usually doesn’t bother calling 911. “I don’t want to waste the police’s time,” she says.

The thieves have established a quasi center of operations at a vacant house on nearby Ohio Avenue, the security worker tells the RFT. One scrapper was forthcoming with her about their game plan, saying that a scrapyard in Illinois is the best place to take the metal, no questions asked.

Carl Walter has lived near the two vacant buildings for a little more than a year and a half. “It’s a dangerous place,” he says of the empty hospital campus and the vacant building next door.

Not long ago, Walter was walking home around 1 a.m. after a night out when he saw a woman walking out of the old hospital building with a young girl he guessed was around age 11.

“They were pushing a shopping cart with pipes and copper and all kinds of stuff that they jacked out of that hospital,” he says. “That scares me.

“I understand that people are not housed, so I’m not tripping so much off people who are living in there, trying to seek shelter. But there should never be children in there,” Walter says.

Walter says he’s heard stories of as many as 20 people being pulled out of the empty hospital at the same time.

On August 20, police arrested two men after spotting them exiting the National Graphics building with a large chunk of copper and loading it into a Dodge SUV. Police found reciprocating saws, bolt cutters and other tools in the SUV. Officers found what they described as “industrial tools” stacked inside the building as well.

Two weeks later, on Labor Day, police found a 35-year-old woman’s vehicle in the hospital’s parking garage. She and a 38-year-old man, both found hiding in the boiler room, were charged with burglary.

“It’s like whack-a-mole,” Walter says.

Of the more than 80 calls to the two properties this year, 19 have been coded as burglaries and the rest are a mix of suspicious person calls, building checks and responses to accidents. n

This photo by a security guard shows an alleged scrap thief working in broad daylight at the old St. Alexius Hospital’s Jefferson Campus. | COURTESY PHOTO

Forest Park’s Glow Up

Balloon Glow and the Great Forest Park Balloon Race brought revelers to St. Louis’ favorite park

Photos

by

THEO WELLING

Words by SARAH FENSKE

If you associate hot air balloons with The Wizard of Oz, or even the harrowing beginning of Ian McEwan’s Enduring Love, you clearly haven’t lived in St.

Louis very long. Here, hot air balloons denote the end of summer, as each year balloonists gather in Forest Park in September for the Balloon Glow kickoff to the Great Forest Park Balloon Race.

On Saturday during this special weekend, it’s not uncommon to catch a glimpse of hot air balloons racing — even while seemingly gently floating — over the city streets and even highways. Yes, it’s something to see!

But the most concentrated balloon action is on Friday evening, when the balloonists light up the night at Emerson Central Fields, giving eager spectators an upclose view. Families, couples and friend groups all turn out, making for a truly all-ages event. This year, near-perfect weather and a gentle breeze had both the field and visitors’ smiles aglow. n

A CELEBRATION OF THE UNIQUE AND FASCINATING ASPECTS OF OUR HOME

by MONICA OBRADOVIC

There is no other way to describe it. The hallway smells like ass.

Cortney Harper feels the need to provide a quick warning as she departs the elevator on the third floor of her apartment building.

“It doesn’t usually smell this bad,” she tells a reporter. “I don’t know what that smell is today.”

A wall of odor hits immediately after the elevator’s doors squeal open. It smells as if someone dumped a week’s worth of trash in the hallway and left it there to stew. Yet there’s nothing other than a few random items and dust bunnies in the hallway. Asked about a large dirt-stained splotch on the floor, Harper responds nonchalantly, “That? That’s been there since July.”

The splotch is the least of Harper’s problems. She lives in Lindell West, one of three buildings that make up the Coronado Place and Towers, which sit less than 50 feet

from Saint Louis University in Grand Center on the literal edge of Midtown.

From the outside, the Coronado looks immaculate. Architectural details speak to the buildings’ Jazz Age origins. The ground floors facing Lindell Boulevard are a pink terrazzo with green trim. Warm-colored wainscoting coats the lobby walls. Cream-colored terracotta frames darker brick on the facade of one building. On the outer walls of the Coronado, a former hotel, ornamental faces built into the walls smile at residents as they walk by. Or maybe they’re laughing.

Residents feel like they’re victims of a bait-and-switch. Despite marketing that promised great amenities, they don’t even have the basics. They say they have gone weeks, and even entire sea-

sons, without air conditioning during St. Louis’ brutal summers. Others have endured winters without more than a single space heater to keep them warm.

People have been trapped in elevators. Disabled or elderly residents have been left with no option to leave their floors or get back to them as elevators frequently break and repairs lag. Several residents, including some who have lived in the buildings for years, have no means to receive their mail.

In the most extreme cases, residents face the threat of physical danger. One man died and another was injured in a shooting in front of the Coronado after a drug deal went wrong last month. A little more than a week later, a suspect believed to be an employee of the Coronado was charged with sexually assaulting a female Saint Louis University student inside the building.

Residents say their concerns are

ignored or met with empty promises. Many have put up with the situation for years and endured terrible — and potentially unlawful — living conditions due to the buildings’ close proximity to work and school. But some residents are at a breaking point, and they want out.

The dim hallway in the Lindell West building is far from inviting, but Harper’s apartment is. The 33-yearold’s two pitbull mixes, Jade and Tonks, are eager to play and lick Harper’s hands as she walks through the door. Light floods in through south-facing windows, art hangs on the walls and Harper’s intricate LEGO figurines sit on the shelves.

On paper, everything about the Coronado Place and Towers seemed right when Harper moved here in July 2021. The model apartment she toured looked pristine. The buildings also had no breed restrictions for dogs, which Harper says is difficult to find for

Continued on pg 16

The Coronado Place and Towers houses mostly Saint Louis University students and sits just a few feet from campus. | MONICA OBRADOVIC

NIGHTMARE ON LINDELL

her pitbull mixes.

But there were certain aspects of Coronado living that the tour did not show, things Harper only learned by actually living in one of the apartments.

The hot water shuts off for days at a time. She says she once went without heat for six weeks during a cold front when temperatures dropped into negative degrees. “Only when I threatened to sue did someone repair it,” Harper says. At one point, Harper says the building’s management company had to replace her stove due to a gas leak. When a maintenance man arrived, Harper recalls, he told her not to call the fire department, and disconnected her smoke alarm.

“I didn’t have a smoke alarm for two to three weeks after that because he said he didn’t have one to replace it,’” Harper says.

It took three weeks for someone to come look at her stove and another three weeks for management to replace it.

Then there are the elevators. Lindell West has two. One frequently breaks. The other has been shuttered for more than a year. In its final days, the elevator shook violently when its doors opened to let riders off.

“I mentioned it to management multiple times, and they didn’t do anything about it,” Harper says. “Then people got stuck in the elevator on the 14th floor.”

That was about a year and half ago. The elevator hasn’t operated since.

Earlier this month, Harper scrolled through the online sys-

tem that the managers of Coronado Place and Towers use for maintenance requests. On that day, Harper had six requests awaiting repair. Most pertained to her lack of hot water.

One was a request for someone to fix her AC, which she said had not worked throughout her entire building for a couple of days, as it often doesn’t — despite central air being one of several amenities advertised for the buildings. Window units are plainly visible from Lindell for those tenants who were lucky enough to receive a response from maintenance.

When Harper first moved in, she says her requests usually got a response within a couple of days. “Now you’re lucky if you hear something within two or three weeks,” she says.

Amanda Ray says she waited much longer — almost a year — for someone to install heating and air conditioning in her apartment.

Ray, the mother of a then-eightyear-old boy, was a resident of the Coronado Place and Towers for nearly two years and had no heat or air conditioning up until nine months of her tenancy.

She moved into an apartment in November of 2020 that she was surprised to learn had no heat or air. She had a few space heaters, she says, and she worked nights, so her son often stayed with her mother.

“I was very patient with them until August,” Ray says. “Me and my son were sleeping in the living room under a fan.”

Management installed a window unit later that month. When October brought the cold, a heater/cooler system was installed in a closet. But the unit was faulty, Ray says, and when she came home

after a night shift, she heard a “whoosh” sound. Suddenly water flowed out of the locked closet that contained the heater/cooler. It was like water turned on full blast in a bathtub.

Ray didn’t have a key for the closet, and eventually the water reached past her ankles. Ray says she called the building’s maintenance staff, who according to the Coronado Place and Towers website are supposed to be available 24 hours a day. Ray says she called the maintenance number for emergencies, but the staffer who answered couldn’t reach the right person to handle the problem. Nobody arrived until somebody else called the fire department, and they finally turned off Ray’s water.

“It was a scary, traumatizing experience,” Ray says. Her son, Abassi Wilkins, is an artist, and now, at just 10 years old, has his own apparel business. All of his art was destroyed in the flood. Ray says she salvaged whatever other belongings she could.

“I didn’t sleep for a week,” she says.

Ray was moved into a different apartment in a different building in the same complex, Lindell West, at her request. She was “going through a lot” at the time while trying to earn a degree in psychology while fighting for full custody of her son.

“I needed to stay stable,” Ray says.

She toughed it out until the next year, when Ray says she and other residents were forced to move out as the building managers did not renew their leases. She left a lot of things behind as she was “locked out” with little notice. She lost her furniture, which had been donat-

ed by a local nonprofit after the flood.

“They’re going to get a new influx of residents each school year, so they’re not looking for people to stay,” Ray says.

Still, Ray says others had it worse than her. One of her neighbors in a wheelchair was out of luck whenever the elevator was out of service. “There were days I would have to sit outside with him because the elevator didn’t work,” Ray says.

A year after leaving the Coronado Place and Towers, Ray says she and her son are in a much better place. They now live near the city’s Grove district, and her son’s art was recently featured in a local gallery and magazine.

As for Harper, a stock broker for Charles Schwab, she passed her two-year anniversary at Lindell West this summer. If it wasn’t for her dogs, she probably would have moved a long time ago. Still, she’s had enough. She’s saving for a house and planning on breaking her lease.

“I’m basically putting everything I can aside so I can put a down payment on a house next year,” Harper says.

Free internet, a rooftop pool, a game lounge, underground parking, access to a movie theater and bowling alley. All that could be yours for the low cost of $1,045 per month.

Only the “free internet” doesn’t work; the “rooftop pool” is unavailable, and is actually above a three-story parking garage that sits in the shadow of the towers; the so-called lounge is inconsistently accessible and has just two cues for its pool table,

Continued on pg 18

Continued from pg 15

Amanda Ray says her former apartment was flooded by a faulty air/heating unit installed by building management. | MONICA OBRADOVIC

The Coronado building was once a ritzy hotel. |

MONICA OBRADOVIC

NIGHTMARE ON LINDELL

Continued from pg 16

one of which is broken; both the bowling alley and movie theater are closed; and the underground parking is something you have to pay slightly extra for, even though its entry door doesn’t work.

One of the most maddening things for people leasing at the Coronado complex is the vast gulf between marketing’s lofty promises and the shoddy reality.

“ENTERTAINMENT AT YOUR FINGERTIPS,” reads a caption on Coronado Place and Towers’ website. The site lists entertainment options including a movie theater, bowling alley and “shopping” (what that could include is unclear, as the closest business is a Crazy Bowls & Wraps about a five-minute walk down Lindell).

The “bowling” invokes the shuttered Moolah Lanes, which residents say has been closed for the past year — the building owners sued Moolah Lanes for more than $200,000 in back rent last year. As for the movie theater, the Moolah Theatre and Lounge closed permanently three years ago.

A targeted Facebook ad for the Coronado Place and Towers still shows the rooftop pool. According to Meta’s “ad library,” the ad started running on February 13 of this year, despite the pool being closed for at least the past year and a half, residents say.

The pool did not meet regulations set by ordinance and failed its most recent inspection, the city’s health department confirms. Yet as recently as April 13, the Coronado Place and Towers’ TikTok account posted a video that boasted the “rooftop pool” as one of the buildings’ amenities.

The Missouri Attorney General offers protections for consumers, saying residents deserve a marketplace “free of fraud, deception, misrepresentations [and] false promises.” Yet it’s not clear how proactively the office seeks to enforce those standards. A spokesperson for Missouri Attorney General Andrew Bailey did not return calls seeking comment.

Residents often blame Cardinal Group Management for the state of the Coronado complex. A property management company based in Denver, Cardinal Group manages 120 properties in the U.S., including Coronado Place and Towers, and owns another 22, according to its online portfolio.

Some of the same issues cited by Coronado residents have occurred at other Cardinal Group proper-

ties. Two years ago, residents of a Colorado apartment complex filed a class action lawsuit against Cardinal Group, alleging faulty elevators, lack of air conditioning, malfunctioning door locks, bug infestations and more, the Colorado Sun reported. Cardinal Group no longer manages the building.

According to a former Cardinal Group employee, who spoke on condition of anonymity, Cardinal Group is an “absolute mess.” The ex-employee says they were pressured to rent out rooms to lease the building to 100 percent capacity, even though only about 60 percent of apartments were in “living condition,” lacking a range of basics from heating and cooling to ovens and refrigerators. Some had “growth” in bathrooms or flood damage.

“I remember one was full of dog shit because the old manager used it when she was too lazy to actually take her dogs outside,” the former employee says.

When the ex-employee refused to lease beyond the units they felt were habitable, they say they were written up. Their job was later threatened when they got sick and couldn’t come into work.

“They threatened to fire me if I didn’t come in while I had a 100-degree-plus fever,” the exemployee says. “When I did come back, they had leased well beyond 90 percent. So, presumably, over 30 percent of the residents moved into unready units.”

But despite the dysfunction the former employee observed, they believe Cardinal Group is ultimately not the central thread. The owners of the building in Colorado also own the Coronado complex in St. Louis, and problems, such as rat infestations, plague buildings the company owns across the

country.

Lindell Loft LLC owns the Coronado, Lindell East and West, and the Moolah Garage, as well as the building a few doors down that previously housed the Moolah Bowling Alley. It’s almost an entire block. The LLC itself is owned by a massive real estate company based in Singapore: Mapletree Investments.

As of March 2023, according to its website, Mapletree owns and manages $54.6 billion in office, retail, industrial, data center, residential and student accommodation properties. Its U.S. properties are numerous, and in addition to the Coronado Place and Towers, Mapletree also owns a second student housing complex in Columbia, Missouri, called “TODD,” a warehouse in Maryland Heights and a 260,000-square-foot facility in Bridgeton.

According to the anonymous former employee, Cardinal Group would request funding for repairs or improvements from Mapletree that were often denied.

“They have a lot of red tape to cross in the approval system and always seem to be changing the requirements,” the ex-employee says. “It makes it almost impossible to secure funding.”

The elevators, for example, are “well past security standards,” the ex-employee adds. “Mapletree has been putting that off because the price tag is well into the hundreds of thousands.”

Cardinal Group and Lindell Loft LLC have been the defendants in at least six lawsuits filed in St. Louis by tenants or neighbors over the past five years. In one suit, one woman claimed the companies were negligent in surveilling the parking lot, saying she was “violently attacked” in a rob-

bery that led to the loss of her wallet, phone and car. Given several other crimes reported around that time in 2019, the suit says, her attack was “foreseeable.”

Another former tenant claimed Cardinal Group and Lindell Loft failed to place an HVAC system in her unit. In January of this year, when her electricity stopped working, she could no longer use the space heater provided to her. “My unit is not safe or habitable,” she wrote.

One man, in a 2022 suit against Coronado Place and Towers, alleged among many claims that broken water pipes flooded his apartment.

Canadians Thomas Marsh and Sandra Gissi moved into Coronado Place and Towers in 2021 so Marsh could obtain a doctorate from Washington University. They quickly found their one-bedroom apartment was “uninhabitable,” according to the lawsuit they filed against Lindell Loft and Cardinal Group. There was a hole in the ceiling and a black substance that looked like mold in their closet.

A two-bedroom unit they were given was an “upgrade,” even though there was used soap and hair in the showers, a broken tap in the kitchen sink and garbage everywhere, including a toenail in the bed. The couple eventually signed a lease for that unit, but the building’s management later tried to “force” a roommate upon them, saying they were going to rent out their second bedroom to another tenant, the suit alleges.

Marsh and Gissi reached a confidential settlement earlier this year. Their lawyer, Al Johnson of Covenant Legal Services, could not speak to the dollar amount, but said their case illustrates common problems with many out-ofstate landlords.

“They come in here, buy up a bunch of property, and they don’t put money into it,” Johnson says. “They consistently place profits over people, and when tenants complain, they are quick to try to evict them.”

Perhaps most glaringly, another suit filed by a former Coronado tenant claims her apartment did not have a valid certificate of inspection from the City of St. Louis. Under city code, landlords cannot collect rent without first securing a certificate of inspection each time a unit’s occupancy changes. The city had cited numerous code violations during two different inspections, according to the suit, including lack of heat. Air conditioning is not required by city code; however, heat is.

Cortney Harper has lived in the Coronado Place and Towers for two years. | MONICA OBRADOVIC

St. Louis Building Commissioner Frank Oswald notes that inspections at the Coronado Place and Towers generally occur in July or August and says there is “no way to verify the heating system is functioning.” It’s also the responsibility of landlords to ensure units are inspected before they’re occupied — not the city. So unless a tenant demands a certificate of inspection, a landlord may not feel obligated to request an inspection.

St. Louis Board of Aldermen

President Megan Green says the board plans to soon address multiple issues surrounding housing in the city, including lack of inspections in rental units.

“We know that a number of problematic landlords will include utilities in rent. It’s the changeover in utilities that triggers the city to do an occupancy inspection,” Green tells the RFT. (Coronado Place and Towers does include utilities in rent, according to its website.) “We’re working on closing that loophole and requiring inspections so landlords can’t get around that.”

City renters are instructed to contact the Citizens’ Service Bureau if they feel they’re being subjected to substandard conditions. An inspector will check for code violations after a complaint is filed, and if they’re not fixed within 30 days, the city can issue fees for violations. In extreme cases, the city could condemn the unit, according to Oswald.

But it’s not clear how many renters know about that resource. And overall, Oswald says the volume of complaints the Building Division receives has decreased in recent years. He attributes that to St. Louis’ inspection requirements.

“The really bad property landlords would rather be in jurisdictions that don’t look at their property so closely,” Oswald says.

Asked about living conditions at the apartments, Cardinal Group provided a short statement.

“The safety and security of our residents is a top priority for Cardinal Group,” the statement reads. “We focus on making our communities great places to live. We take the concerns of our residents seriously and manage the building with care and professionalism. We remain committed to the safety and security of our residents.”

Mapletree, in response to an email asking about allegations of bad management and a long list of residents’ complaints, mostly addressed the sexual assault that occurred at the Coronado in August.

The company’s statement reads in full: “With regards to the al-

leged sexual assault that occurred on Tuesday, 22 August at Coronado Place and Towers, we understand that the suspect has turned himself in to the police on 23 August. As the incident is under investigation by the local police, we are unable to comment. The safety of our residents is of utmost importance and we are cooperating with the police in their investigation. We have also received feedback that the property’s HVAC system is facing issues and are working with the property manager to rectify these as soon as possible.”

According to the most recent update from police, the suspect in the assault cooperated with their investigation. Investigators plan to present the case to the circuit attorney’s office for charges.

After a tour of the Coronado Place and Towers, Martin Flores thought he’d found a good place for his son to live during his junior year at Saint Louis University.

“When they take you on the tour, they go through the leasing office, which is nice and clean, and they take you up a certain path upstairs to a model apartment, which is nice and clean,” Flores says.

Several current or past residents who spoke to the RFT say tours took place in the Coronado building, which is largely agreed to be the most well-kept of the complex’s three buildings. It’s where a large laundry room, study space and gym are located. On the ground floor, a catering company manages a resplendent ballroom used for corporate events, weddings and galas.

“It’s a bait-and-switch,” Flores says. “They fooled a lot of people,

including me.”

The apartment assigned to Flores’ son was far from clean when they arrived for moving day. The floor was partially sanded, the air conditioning didn’t work and certain surfaces were dusty. The apartment was also furnished, which Flores did not request.

Then he started to hear more from other residents, most Saint Louis University students. People showed him photos of what looked like mold in bathrooms and under kitchen sinks. One girl told him her kitchen sink was backing up black water.

Flores was supposed to take two days off of work to help his son move. It turned into a sevenday struggle to find his son somewhere to live. Ultimately, Flores says Cardinal Group canceled his lease and granted him a refund.

Yet despite all those woes, for some residents, the Coronado’s proximity to Saint Louis University remains too convenient to pass up.

Saint Louis University has 10 on-campus halls for students, in which most freshmen and sophomores are required to live, according to SLU’s Residence Hall Association. Upperclassmen tend to live at the Coronado Place and Towers because of its relative affordability.

“Coronado is known for being the cheapest option in the SLU area,” Residence Hall Association Co-Presidents Maria DelGiudice and Sarah Parikh say in a joint email to the RFT

Location is part of what has kept Gage Sisson at the Coronado Place and Towers since 2021. He says conditions have gradually declined in that time. He still doesn’t have his mail key and has to track

mail couriers if he wants to receive his mail. The internet went out for weeks last spring during Saint Louis University’s finals. He had to buy two window units for himself to mitigate last summer’s heat. Before that, the coolest his AC could get his apartment was 87 degrees. He has to get out of his car and manually trip the underground garage’s exit sensor so he can surpass the broken entrance door.

Despite all that, he and his girlfriend, Gracie LaBlance, recently decided to renew their lease.

LaBlance, a Saint Louis University student, doesn’t have a car and needs to walk to school and work at the City Foundry. The couple also has a puppy that their building is accepting of.

“Our approach is to keep our head down,” Sisson says. “To not fill out maintenance requests. I can use YouTube and figure things out myself.”

LaBlance says residents are left feeling helpless as staff seem to frequently turn over and calls for help go unanswered. But if you can count on anything at the Coronado Place and Towers, it’s that every year, new students coming to town will need a place to live.

“It feels like they prey on the fact that there’s a revolving door of students who will rent here because of its proximity to the campus,” LaBlance says.

Scheduling a tour of the complex in the weeks after SLU’s move-in date seemed surprisingly easy at first. You can book a time on the Coronado’s website and immediately receive a confirmation email. Soon after, a friendly email from “Hunter” explains that a colleague will meet you at your scheduled time.

No one does, and the number in Hunter’s email doesn’t work, either.

The staffer at the leasing office is apologetic. Hunter, she says, is an AI bot who has done this “like four times.” The staffer says the office is still getting caught up with move-in day on August 18, which was nearly three weeks earlier, and is not offering tours.

Heading out, a reporter asks a man who couldn’t be older than 22 whether he likes living here. He stops on his walk, heading in the direction of Saint Louis University while wearing a wrinkled white undershirt with slip-on sandals and socks. He smirks, looks ahead, and shakes his head as a firm “no.”

He’s been living here for three months, he says. He still doesn’t have his mail key. n

Only two pool sticks, one without a cue tip, hang next to a pool table in the Coronado’s “game lounge.” | MONICA OBRADOVIC

CALENDAR

BY RIVERFRONT TIMES STAFF

THURSDAY 09/21 Party in the Park

The St. Louis Symphony Orchestra’s annual free concert in Forest Park is the thinking St. Louisan’s event of late summer — one of the few things everyone can agree is worth braving that horrible Hampton Avenue I-64 exit to attend. And this year, we have the perfect way to avoid that snarl of a roundabout and get your Strauss and Sousa, too. The Missouri History Museum (5700 Lindell Boulevard, 314-746-4599) has graciously moved the timing of its regular Thursday Night at the Museum event, so you can swing by there first and then mosey over to the park. So from 4:30 to 5:30 p.m., you can enjoy a special program at the museum’s McDermott Grand Hall, which celebrates St. Louis’ hosting of the nation’s first cocktail party. The Confluence Chamber Orchestra will play music from the party’s era (1904 to 1917) while you enjoy a nice stiff drink. Come early or stay late; food and drinks are available for purchase from 4 to 6 p.m. Then head to Art Hill for its free concert, which begins at 7 p.m. Bring your chairs or a blanket. Food truck offerings will be available, or you can also bring your own refreshments — but no glass bottles, so opt for the canned wine this time. Details at mohistory.org/ events/concert-and-cocktails and slso.org/forestpark.

FRIDAY 09/22

Por la Cultura

Hispanic Heritage Month begins on September 15 and runs through October 15 — a midmonth to mid-month anomaly among the month-long cultural celebrations and remembrances in the U.S. But it’s not without reason. Those dates roughly coincide with the stretch of time between Nicaraguan Independence Day (September 15) or Mexican Independence Day (September 16) and Día de la Raza, the midOctober event that recognizes the now-controversial day Columbus

reached the Bahamas (but actually celebrates the co-mingling of Spanish and Indigenous American cultures). And that’s just one fact about Hispanic culture, so imagine what you could learn should you attend the Greater St. Louis Hispanic Festival at Soulard Park (Seventh Street and Lafayette Avenue, next to the Soulard Farmers’ Market) this weekend. Education, of course, is just one thing on the fest’s menu, which includes live Latinx bands, a Reggaeton Rewind Night, food from local vendors (empanadas, tamales, tacos, arepas, etc.), folkloric dancers, crafts, a kids corner and more. If that wasn’t enough, the festival’s profits will go toward scholarships for collegebound Hispanic students or underprivileged children. It’s free to attend, and more information can be had at hispanicfestivalstl. com or at 314-837-6100.

Nothing Compares

Nothing kills a good roller rink buzz like some bad music. You’re happy and dancing while you’re rolling along to the beat and then: What’s this song? Matchbox 20? Ugh, what a boner-killer. Time to head for the exits and take a break. Well, you won’t have to worry about that when G. Wiz is spinning. The legendary DJ is taking over the sound system at Piccadilly Palace (181 Audrey Lane, Union; 636-560-6418) on Friday, September 22, and he’ll be playing nothing but the good stuff for his Michael Jackson vs. Prince event. That’s right: nothing but Michael Jackson and Prince, all night. It’s the dream roller rink playlist. Keeping the tunes confined to these two men of pop royalty means that every song will jam, many songs will groove and some

songs will even boogie. If you have any issue at all with this music, it will be that you can’t make yourself take a break because every song bangs. Admission is $12, and the party rolls from 7 p.m. all the way until 11 p.m., and guests are encouraged to dress as either Prince or MJ for a chance at a prize. Visit piccadillypalace.com for more information.

SUNDAY 09/24

Pride and Joy

The People’s Joy Parade has merged with Tower Grove Pride this year, and the resulting party should really be declared the Happiest Event in St. Louis by the mayor or something. (Is that an official award? It should be.) Back in March, parade organizers announced that scheduling conflicts

Even if you’re not the Coolest Man Alive (pictured on the left), you’re still invited to participate in the People’s Joy Parade. | THEO WELLING

would prevent them from holding their usual Cinco de Mayo party, so they were moving it to the fall — but then they managed to make the May event after all, meaning we St. Louisans get twice the joy this year. Lucky us! Tower Grove Pride, notably, used to be held during Pride month but got bumped to September in 2021 because of COVID-19 concerns. Since then organizers of the two-day LBGTQ+ celebration have found that everybody much prefers temperate St. Louis September over sweaty St. Louis June, so now it happens each fall and everybody is happier and the drag queens are deeply relieved to not be sweating off their makeup immediately.

A fitting addition to such a celebration is the parade, which is all about what brings you joy. Anyone can join, with participants displaying their talents, using their skills and sharing what makes them happy. You want to dress up like a poodle and crawl down the street? Cool. You want to cruise down the road on a two-story bicycle? No problem. You want to dress up

like a clown and throw confetti at people? Totally fine. There are hardly any rules at the People’s Joy Parade. Spectators will find plenty to enjoy, but for the full experience you really should join in yourself — anyone with $25 and some love

to share is welcome.

Tower Grove Pride will be held at Tower Grove Park from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Saturday, September 23, and from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Sunday, September 24. The People’s Joy Parade kicks off on Sun-

WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 21-27

day at 1 p.m. Visit towergrovepride.com for more info.

Notorious C.H.O.

Everybody loves comedian Margaret Cho. The unendingly hilarious funnywoman is a familiar face to her roles in popular films and TV shows including Face/Off and 30 Rock, as well as more recent credits such as Fire Island. But when it comes to standup comedy, she’s been cracking up audiences for nearly three decades. And so, when you go check out her show at the Pageant (6161 Delmar Boulevard, 314-726-6161) on Sunday, September 24, you know your evening’s entertainment is going to be in the hands of a pro. If the name of her current tour, Live and LIVID!, is any indication, she no longer gives any fucks — which of course is always to the audience’s benefit in standup comedy. Doors open at 7 p.m. and the show kicks off one hour after that. Tickets start at $35. Details at thepageant.com.

TUESDAY 09/26 Fun and Games

The 1904 World’s Fair is remembered as one of the most bizarre and racially egregious events in St. Louis’ history, but even more so were the Olympic games that occurred alongside the fair on what’s now Washington University’s campus. Anyone from professional athletes to the “natives” corralled in so-called villages for fairgoers to marvel at could participate in the games, and despite all the craziness that followed — as well as the Olympics’ general disorganization — the story of how St. Louis scored the first Olympics held on U.S. soil is the stuff of legend. Join author Michael Loynd at Missouri History Museum’s Lee Auditorium (5700 Lindell, 314-746-4599) on Tuesday, September 26, to learn all about it. Loynd, chairman of the St. Louis Olympic Committee, will detail all that led up to St. Louis winning the Olympics from Chicago. The show starts at 11 a.m. and attendance is free. For more information, visit mohistory.org. n

All the vibrant colors of Latinx culture will be on display this weekend at the Greater St. Louis Hispanic Festival. | VIA FLICKR/DOD NEWS

Margaret Cho is all out of fucks to give. | VIA FLICKR/UNCENSORED INTERVIEW

Hole in One

Lefty’s in Chesterfield has the right package: extraordinary bagels, sandwich classics and neighborhood deli vibes

Written by CHERYL BAEHR

Lefty’s Bagels

13359 Olive Boulevard, Chesterfield; 314-275-0959. Tues.-Sun. 7 a.m.-2 p.m. (Closed Mon.)

Doug Goldenberg will cut your bagel into quarters. He’ll slice it in half, toast it and slather it with butter, if that’s your preference. He’ll even let you put jalapeño schmear and bacon on a cinnamon raisin bagel, if your heart so desires. However, there’s one place where he and his brother-in-law and business partner, Scott “Lefty” Lefton, draw the line: They will never bread slice a bagel.

Goldenberg and Lefton have nothing against the easy-to-handle slice of bagel-shaped steamed dough popularized by a certain St. Louis-based brand, per se. It’s that you simply don’t bread slice a bagel — which isn’t a problem, considering that what the company in question sells is not an actual bagel. “Round-shaped bread with a hole in it” is what Goldenberg calls such objects, and the fact that for so long these imposters were allowed to pass as actual bagels by any number of bakeries, shops and grocers throughout St. Louis is precisely the reason that Lefton felt compelled to make bagels in the first place.

An IT professional, Lefton searched his hometown of St. Louis for the sort of bagels he’d enjoyed while living in Chicago and Los Angeles. Though he found a few places that offered acceptable versions, he felt confident he could offer something a little different and closer to what he craved. He began tinkering in his kitchen in his free time, becoming obsessive about perfecting his craft through online research, books and a lot of trial and error before coming up with a recipe and technique that hit the right

spot. He received confirmation as family and friends began requesting his bagels, which accelerated once he began posting about his

wares on social media.

That response stirred in Lefton both the desire to increase production and the feeling that he could

one day open a bagel shop. Once he got serious and began looking for commercial kitchen space, Goldenberg came on board, offering to help out with the business side of the operation. The two settled on the then-incubator space Baker’s Hub (now Trolley Stop Bakery), which served as a shared commercial kitchen and retail space for small, up-and-coming baked goods concepts. It offered Goldenberg and Lefton low startup costs, a space to scale their recipes and, most importantly, a testing ground to see if there was as much demand as they thought for Lefton’s bagels.

The answer to that question was a resounding yes. When Goldenberg and Lefton were preparing to open, their goal was to sell 144 bagels (a dozen by a dozen) every day. At their grand opening, they had a line at the door well before they opened and sold out in 45 minutes. This continued the next day, then the next. No matter how much they increased production, the story was the same: They sold every last bagel in less than an hour.

After six months of success at

Lefty’s offerings are for the true-blue bagel lovers out there. | BRADEN MCMAKIN Continued

Scott “Lefty” Lefton and Doug Goldenberg and brothers-in-law and co-owners. | BRADEN MCMAKIN

LEFTY’S BAGELS

Continued from pg 23

the Baker’s Hub, Goldenberg and Lefton could see that they were quickly outgrowing the space. They also realized the business was becoming so big that, if they wanted to continue, they would have to quit their IT jobs and dedicate themselves completely. The pair agreed to take the leap, found a storefront just a few blocks east of the Baker’s Hub and welcomed their first guests to the standalone Lefty’s this April.

Goldenberg and Lefton are serious about creating extraordinary bagels, but equally important to them is creating a community gathering place centered around the concept of a neighborhood deli — something lacking in the area, especially after the closure of the mainstay Pumpernickles in Creve Coeur in July 2022. In that spirit, Lefty’s feels less like a bagel shop or bakery and more like a quintessential neighborhood delicatessen, with exposed brick, black-and-white historic photographs of St. Louis landmarks set against a mural of the city’s skyline in silhouette, a handful of bistro tables and, most importantly, a shop full of regulars whose easy rapport shows that they likely run into each other at the deli on a near-daily basis.

When you taste Lefty’s bagels, you understand why it’s garnered this sort of repeat business. These are bagel-lovers’ bagels, ticking off every marker of the form: a significantly firm-but-thin crust; a chewy, not-at-all-airy interior; and a rich, malty flavor that serves as a beautiful canvas for the various styles offered. On any given day, Lefty’s will be serving nine varieties, all classic, which include sesame, salt, everything, garlic, onion, plain and poppyseed. The tzitzel, a cornmeal-dusted bagel, is a particular standout thanks to its delectable yeasty flavor that somehow captures what a bakery smells like. The bialy, too, is wonderful; not technically a bagel, this Polish Ashkenazi specialty is round, but instead of a hole has a depressed center that Lefton fills with a wonderful blend of caramelized onions and poppyseeds. Each brings out the inherent sweetness in the other, offering a subtly sugary, earthy treat that needs no other accoutrements — though you will be forgiven for wanting to slather it with one of the restaurant’s delicious schmears, such as the herbaceous and black peppery veggie or the snappy scallion.

Lefty’s bagels are an outstand-

ing canvas for its deli fare. On the breakfast side, offerings such as a simple bacon, egg and cheese hit the spot with thick-sliced, perfectly cooked local bacon, a beautifully folded scrambled egg and gooey cheddar cheese. It’s the embodiment of the sort of grab-andgo sandwich you’d pick up with a to-go cup of coffee on the way to work in Manhattan. The I Want It All is definitely more of a “sit down at a table” dish, but the taste is well worth the potential mess its towering stack of ingredients poses. Here, a bagel is sliced in

half and filled with tender corned beef, eggs, sauteed onions and a perfectly crisp, well-seasoned potato latke that is so good, it should be offered by the dozen. It’s a complete breakfast in sandwich form.

Lunch offerings are equally delicious. Lefty’s uses meat from the esteemed Michigan-based Sy Ginsberg’s Meat & Deli; that includes an outstanding corned beef and a beautifully peppery pastrami that is the basis of the Cousin Rubin, a bagel-based riff on the Jewish deli sandwich classic. The roast beef, cooked to a succulent medium rare,

is also outstanding, especially when served on a cheese bagel with sliced horseradish cheese and mustard. However, the restaurant’s sleeper meat is the turkey pastrami, which is so tender, juicy and flawlessly seasoned you wonder why you’d eat turkey in any other form.

However, it’s Lefty’s smoked fish that truly shines. After painstaking research and innumerable taste tests, Goldenberg and Lefton settled on New York-based Samaki Smoked Fish for Nova lox that tastes like butter and is the texture of velvet. Kippered (or hot-smoked) salmon is just as delicious, especially when served as a very lightly mayonnaise-tossed salad that is positively earth-shattering when spread on a salt bagel. It’s the smoked trout, though, that is the real jewel. Delicate in texture, it has a gentle smoke that accents the fish without covering it up, wrapping your entire palate in subtly sweet, earthy flavor.

That trout is so wonderful, Goldenberg and Lefton could put it on a piece of Wonder Bread — or even a bread-sliced “bagel” — and I’d eat it to my heart’s content.

That they offer such a perfect bagel for enjoying it makes their wonderful restaurant more than a great delicatessen. It makes Lefty’s an essential part of the metro area’s dining fabric. n

Lefty’s Nova lox is sourced from Samaki Smoked Fish, tastes like butter and has a velvet-like texture. | BRADEN MCMAKIN

Lefton honed his craft with research and experimentation before opening. | BRADEN MCMAKIN

SHORT ORDERS

[FIRST LOOK]

Smash Brothers

Jovick Brothers Burgers is already making regulars in Princeton Heights

Written by JESSICA ROGEN

It’s not hard to spot a maverick in the wild. For example, take Casey Jovick, the owner of Jovick Brothers Burgers (4993 Loughborough Avenue, 314-3902899), which opened in Princeton Heights on August 22.

All it takes to establish Jovick’s credentials is a look at the smash burger spot’s menu, specifically the “only at Jovick Bros” section that contains the house-designed combos. Right in the middle of the list is the Macklind: single cheeseburger, double bacon, lettuce, tomato, red onion and peanut butter.

Yes, peanut butter. It’s a challenge that cannot be ignored, at least by me. So that’s how I found myself last week biting into one less than 15 minutes after spotting the unusual topping on the menu.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t the first thing I noticed. The burger is the clear star: It’s well-seasoned and thin but is distinct from other smash

burgers in its light texture. The bun is also soft, the bacon is crisp and very present upon first bite, and the veggies are all accounted for. Then, after a few bites, I noticed an extra savory note that actually harmonizes with the meat well — that’s the peanut butter. Huh.

In short: It works. But how did Jovick think to go down this strange road?

To understand that, you have to know that Jovick has been around the St. Louis food scene for a while. A noted pitmaster, he cut his teeth as a butcher before making the leap to barbecue at Pappy’s Smokehouse and then Sugarfire. He was working at the Macklind Deli as part of a management group poised to take over when the building was destroyed by a fire in 2018.

The peanut butter is a nod to that deli, which had a BLT on the menu that you could get Mac style, a.k.a. with peanut butter and red onions. When Jovick opened his own deli, Jovick Brothers Deli, in Westport Plaza in 2022, his menu included the M.A.D.B.L.T., featuring red onions and peanut butter.

So an iteration of the dish was a natural addition to the burger menu.

“I’m back on Macklind,” he says. (Don’t let the address fool you; the restaurant is at an intersection with Macklind.) “I really don’t know [why it works], but it does, somehow. I was pretty skeptical of it myself when I first learned about that flavor combination. Especially

with mayonnaise and peanut butter. … I’d stuck a little peanut butter and stuck a little mayonnaise in my mouth, and I was like, ‘Oh, I get it now.’”

But Jovick Brothers Burgers is not a one-trick pony. Aside from the burgers, Jovick’s menu includes chicken sandwiches, glizzies (quarter-pound, all-beef hot dogs), two vegan options and a handful of sides including French fries, onion rings, tater tots and fried cheese curds.

It’s a simple setup, full of crowdpleasers fit for a quintessential neighborhood spot. Jovick says that the idea was a menu that was delicious but easy to execute and accessible. It also hearkens back to the eatery’s origin story. Jovick Brothers Burgers has the same landlord as the aforementioned Macklind Avenue Deli. When CC’s Vegan Spot looked unlikely to renew its lease, that landlord reached out to Jovick, who was interested but didn’t have a specific concept in mind. Jovick started looking around the area and talking with residents, trying to decide what to open.

“I’m like, ‘Man, this neighborhood needs a burger joint,’” Jovick says.

It was a sentiment bound to endear him to most any area, but the neighborhood’s excitement got ratcheted up a notch when, during the renovations, he found black mold that needed remediation. That set the opening back a month,

but it had him and his crew outside working on the building constantly.

Neighbors would stop by to chat and ask what was happening and when the restaurant would be open. And, it seems, that conviviality paid off with immediate “this is my neighborhood spot” vibes.

When I was there, Jovick and his staff greeted seeming regulars by name. The man at the next table insisted on sharing his cheese curds when he saw I’d ordered onion rings, and we discussed how they seemed to be dipped in some kind of batter before being fried. Every table outside was full and most inside were as well. Jovick himself brought my table condiments and stopped to make a few jokes.

It’s like the restaurant has been there for years — instead of a few weeks.

“It’s been really cool,” Jovick says. “Since we opened, we’ve had a few people that come in either daily or every other day. … We’ve just had a really warm reception.”

One of those new regulars talks about how Jovick works all morning at his deli in Maryland Heights before heading to Princeton Heights to open at 4 p.m. Jovick confirms this rumor, noting that it can be a challenge to run both places. But it’s worth it.

“I’m happy with what I’m doing,” he says. “I hope I’m having a positive effect on the food scene in St. Louis or a positive effect on our customers.” n

The Macklind Burger is a single smash patty topped with cheese, double bacon and, of all things, peanut butter. | JESSICA ROGEN Jovick Brothers Burgers serves burgers, chicken, a few vegan dishes and more in Princeton Heights. | JESSICA ROGEN

Not Just ‘Fizzy Yellow Shit’

In Princeton Heights, new boutique bar Little Lager aims to celebrate the beer style that built St. Louis

Written by TONY REHAGEN

In 2015, Manny Negron was just beginning his career in beer. He had talked his way into a gig tending bar at a Centennial, Colorado, brewery that specialized in German styles, and after long shifts slinging steins, he and the bar manager would sit in the empty bier hall and pound pints of the house-made Helles lager. Negron remembers there was something about the crisp, clean taste and texture of the golden drink that was especially refreshing at the end of a workday. And the lightness of the beer allowed the colleagues to pace the quiet celebration long into the night.

Of course, the Germans have a name for this sensation, gemütlichkeit, which loosely translates to “comfort” or “pleasantness” or “leisureliness” but means all that and more. Whatever the word is for the feeling — if it can be captured in any language — Negron thinks of it as a sigh of satisfaction in a glass, and he has been chasing that euphoria ever since. In 2017, the search brought him to St. Louis, where he has worked as a bartender/manager/sales associate everywhere from Old Bakery Beer Company in Alton, Illinois, to Clayton’s Craft Beer Cellar (RIP) to Wellspent Brewing Co. to the Modern Brewery.

Now, Negron is hoping to bring that sense of frothy fulfillment to Princeton Heights with his German- and Czech-inspired beer bar, Little Lager (5848 Hampton Avenue, 314-760-9481, littlelager.com) He’s eyeing October for an opening.

“Little” as in 480 square feet of space, just enough room for about 20 patrons, with 14 seats at the long bar. The idea is to create an intimate environment where he and his staff can impart the passion for and knowledge of all things lager that they’ve accrued through years of experience and independent research.

So what does St. Louis — a town literally built on top of lagering caves, the birthplace of the brand perhaps most synonymous with the style — have left to learn about the bottom-fermenting, cold-conditioned brew?

Well, for starters, local drinkers can discover an entire world of lagers beyond their father’s Budweiser or even their young uncle’s Zwickel. “Lager isn’t just the fizzy yellow shit you get at the gas station,” Negron says. “It’s not all even yellow.” He plans to stock a spectrum of lagers, imports and domestics, ranging from strawcolored pilsners to amber Vienna lagers to copper Marzens to darker Dunkels and Schwarzbiers. He’ll also provide lager-adjacent styles like Altbiers, Hefeweizens, Cold IPAs, India Pale Lagers (IPLs) and Kolsch-style ales such as Kolsch Counts, his own recent collaboration with his old friends at Modern Brewery. (And more local Little Lager collabs are on the way, including a German Leichtbier that’s aging in tanks at Perennial as we speak.) Patrons might also come to appreciate these cold-aged beers — simpler with fewer ingredients but also more delicate and time-intensive — as the purest expression of a brewer’s talents. “Brewing a lager is when the brewery is na-

ked,” Negron says. “You can really see the extent of their skills.”

At Little Lager, local tipplers will also experience the way these beers are best served. This starts with Negron’s brand-new five-tap LUKR beer tower with side-pull faucets that produce three distinctive Czech-style pours. First there’s the Hladinka (smooth) which is about two-thirds beer, with the other third consisting of “three fingers” of fluffy head that should crown a traditional lager pour. The bar will also offer a Šnyt (split) pour that’s roughly half foam/half beer with a little bit of space on top to dip your nose in, and a Mlíko (milk), which is almost entirely creamy, flavorful froth, a sort of light dessert at the end of a drinking session. Negron will also stock some bottles and cans, but he emphasizes the “elimination of the burden of choice” with a limited selection and flat pricing ($7/$5/$4, for the respective pours), so he can focus on the quality of his menu

Sugaree Is Back

Written by JESSICA ROGEN

Sugaree (1242 Tamm Avenue, 314645-5496, sugareebaking.com), the beloved Dogtown purveyors of pies, cakes and all things sweet, is back. The bakery announced it has reopened for online orders last week on Instagram.

“Sugareebaking.com is live!!!! Pop on over & check us out,” the bakery wrote.

Online orders are indeed live, and customers can arrange to pick up more sweets than can be listed in one article. Highlights include popular items such as the coconut roulade, a coconut sponge cake with a coconut filling, and the chocolate cream pie, a “chocolate lover’s dream.” Other baked goods include everything from cinnamon rolls to foccacia to cookies to cheesecakes to the beloved pies, which we’ve previously lauded in the RFT Husband and wife Pat Rutherford-Pettine and Jimmy Pettine first opened Sugaree’s doors in 1999 and closed them to

and its presentation.

But Negron also wants customers to understand that not everything they already know about lagers is wrong. At Little Lager, traditional doesn’t mean elitist, sophisticated doesn’t mean inaccessible, and at the end of the day, especially at the end of a workday, good beer is good beer. “This is not a craft-exclusive bar — it’s a good old-fashioned beer-drinker’s bar,” he says. “I’ll put Beck’s on if it’s up to standards; I’ll serve Busch if I can make it pretty.”

He also fully supports the American concept of “lawnmower beer” — an easy-drinking, slightly sweet, lightly hopped lager that slakes your thirst but is still functional. After all, our German ancestors enjoyed their lagers throughout the day, whether it was to wash down a meal, celebrate an event or just reward themselves for making it through a shift. Likewise, Negron hopes Little Lager is a place where hardworking St. Louisans can find gemütlichkeit. Prost! n

retail customers at the end of December 2022, though some wholesale and special-events sales continued. St. Louisans who were used to popping down to the main strip of Dogtown for a sweet treat mourned the bakery’s loss.

But all was not lost. In July, the bakery announced that it had been purchased by Megan and Derrick Cobb of the Dogtown cafe Sweet EM’s Coffee & Ice Cream, who announced in a statement that they intended to reopen for retail sales in late August and continue wedding and custom cake sales sometime in the future.

It appears that they missed that mark by a few days. But with Sugaree’s baked goods soon to be back in our stomachs, really, it’s all good.

Microbar Little Lager is eyeing early October for a grand opening in Princeton Heights. | MANNY NEGRON

We can’t wait to get our hands on the beloved Dogtown spot’s famous pies

Dogtown’s Sugaree Bakery is open for online orders. VIA FLICKR/PAUL SABLEMAN

Chuck’s Hot Chicken Eyes Fifth Location

Written by JESSICA ROGEN

Alocal Nashville-style hot chicken chain may soon be filling the hole left by the departure of the South Kingshighway Courtesy Diner.

St. Louis Board of Adjustment staff confirmed Friday morning that the city had approved an appeal that would allow a building permit for 3153 South Kingshighway Boulevard. The appeal was filed by Chuck Taylor, who is the owner of Chuck’s Hot Chicken, and the approved permit will allow Taylor “to make interior and exterior alterations (zoning only), per plans, for carry-out restaurant with sales windows.”

Taylor confirmed the forthcoming Chuck’s Hot Chicken location, noting that he and his co-owner Jon Plawsky own the building, but the business will be a franchise owned by Warren Hamilton. He expects it to open this December.

“[Customers] can dine in by ordering through our service window, and they

CHERYL BAEHR’S SOURDOUGH BREAD PICKS

A few years ago, it seemed like every last one of us was going to become an artisan baker, bartering our house plant seedlings for sourdough starters like we were in some pandemic-induced, communal utopia. While for most of us, those bread-baking dreams went out the window, all is not lost. These five sourdough sources offer us the opportunity to experience bread as good as if it was freshly baked in our own ovens — or, let’s be real, probably better.

Mr. Meowski’s Sourdough

Once upon a time, Timothy Nordmann was a home baker himself, trying to figure out what to do with his life after

can eat on our brand new covered and revamped patio area, which we [will] eventually change into a 4 season patio,” Taylor wrote in a message. “But we specialize in online pickup and delivery.”

If all goes according to plan, this would be the fifth location of Chuck’s Hot Chicken. Currently, the homegrown company has spots in Maryland Heights, O’Fallon, Rock Hall and Wichita, Kansas. It’s co-owned by Taylor and Plawsky, who opened their first spot in Maryland Heights in January 2021, according to Sauce

The restaurant has a consistent menu among locations, with chicken pieces, chicken and waffles, a Nashville hot chicken sandwich, shareables such as corn fritters and cheese curds, sides such as French fries and green beans,

feeling burned out by his career as a wedding videographer. He threw himself into creating the most perfect sourdough he could make, eventually developing a following among family, friends, farmers’-marketgoers and now anyone who wants a taste of excellence from his quaint storefront, Mr. Meowski’s Sourdough (107 North Main Street, St. Charles; 636-922-9234) in the heart of St. Charles’ historic Main Street.

Union Loafers

Though it’s easy to become distracted by the excellent sandwiches, outstanding pizza and that best-in-class Little Gem salad, a simple bite of Union Loafers’ (1629 Tower Grove Avenue, 314-833-6111) Light and Mild (or whole wheat Janie’s Bread, Oat Porridge or Semolina) slathered with an unholy amount of whipped butter will remind you where it all started.

Knead Bakehouse

After realizing his passion for fermentation centered around bread, not beer, Knead Bakehouse (3467 Hampton Avenue, 314-376-4361, kneadbakehouse. com) co-owner AJ Brown enrolled in the prestigious Institute Paul Bocuse in Lyon, France, where he learned the basics for making world-class sour-

and a variety of desserts. All the chicken comes with a customizable heat level and choice of side sauce.

The South Kingshighway Courtesy Diner closed its doors in May 2022, citing staffing issues. At the time, Marji Rugg, daughter of owner Larry Rugg and chief accountant for the eight-location business since 2014, told the RFT that it had been difficult to hire for a while but that they might reopen the location if it could be restaffed fully. n

Hopes for that turnaround didn’t last too long: In June, the building went up for sale.

But at least St. Louis still has two nearby locations, at 1121 Hampton Avenue and 8000 South Laclede Station Road — and now, it looks like, some hot chicken on the way. n

dough bread. Right after his return from France, he and his wife, Kirsten, started selling his wares at area farmers’ markets, then opened the delightful bakeshop, where the delicious sourdough sets the standard for the form.

Upper Crust Bread

As an acclaimed barman, Jeffrey Moll has always taken a professorial approach to his craft, so when he got into exploring fermentation for dietary purposes, it made sense that he would go on a deep dive down the rabbit hole of naturally fermented sourdough bread.

Upper Crust Bread (4932 Pernod Avenue, 314-575-3224), his weekly pickup and delivery bread outfit, is the result of his experimentation with the form, with sourdough so good it could earn him a Ph.D. in bread baking.

222 Artisan Bakery

Originally started by the multi-talented Goshen Coffee founder Matt Herren, 222 Artisan Bakery (222 North Main Street, Edwardsville, Illinois; 618-659-1122) has a new life under current, bread-obsessed co-owner Trevor Taynor. A graduate of the San Francisco Bread Institute, Taynor now teaches bread-making through Southern Illinois University, proving his sourdough is a masterclass.

‘Delectably Slurpable Noodles’

Menya Rui’s Steven Pursley makes Food & Wine’s Best New Chefs list

Written by JESSICA ROGEN

Last Tuesday, Food & Wine announced its 2023 11 Best New Chefs in America — and St. Louisans will find one name very familiar.

Steven Pursley, who opened his Japanese ramen shop Menya Rui (3453 Hampton Avenue, 314-601-3524) in April 2022, made the exclusive list. Food & Wine cited his “tender, bouncy, delectably slurpable noodles,” which led reviewer Khushbu Shah to eat four bowls of ramen in one sitting, as the star of the show.

Pursley was born in Okinawa, Japan, and spent part of his childhood there before coming to St. Louis. Partway through college, he realized he didn’t know what he wanted to do after school, as he told the RFT’s Cheryl Baehr in October. He enrolled in an engineering program but then decided to do the very opposite thing: move to Japan to study ramen.

He spent three years in Japan doing just that. Then, in 2017, he returned to St. Louis and worked at various restaurants around town, notably Indo, while starting a private pop-up for friends.

When he opened Menya Rui last year, the buzz was unreal, and the hype grew as St. Louisans tried his outstanding noodles and came back for seconds. Baehr is among the shop’s fans, calling it an “entirely new world of Japanese noodles.” Shah agrees, saying that Pursley’s tsukemen was one of the best she’d had, and “each bowl was thoughtful and balanced.”

With those kinds of endorsements, Menya Rui’s line is unlikely to get shorter anytime soon. But the good news is that the bowl you get will be worth the wait.

“I’m really grateful to have this opportunity to really try to push ramen forward. I want ramen to be an everyday choice in America,” Pursley told Food & Wine n

A rendering shows what the Chuck’s Hot Chicken on South Kingshighway might look like in the not-too-distant future. | COURTESY CHUCK TAYLOR

Food & Wine singled out chef-owner Steven Pursley’s amazing noodles. MABEL SUEN

REEFERFRONT TIMES

Tropical VIBEs

Inside Missouri’s first-of-its-kind Hash Hole preroll — and the artisan who hand-rolls each one

Written by AARON CHILDS

In my previous review, I delved into the intricate world of hash rosin and my first encounter with a “doughnut” joint, also known as a “hash hole” or, in other words, hash rosin rolled into flower and then into a joint, which first gained popularity on Instagram. So I was thrilled to come across a premade version, a product that is truly unique in the Missouri cannabis market: the Tropicana Cookies x Mimosa hash hole by VIBE Cannabis.

Its existence is a testament to the dynamic cannabis market in Missouri, and demonstrates the reverence VIBE holds for cannabis culture. Most pre-rolled joints or “prerolls,” as they’re more commonly referred to at dispensaries, are essentially pre-stuffed. Most companies will start with putting cones into their rolling machines and then having the machine stuff each joint with flower. VIBE’s hash hole is not only the first of its kind to hit the market, but also one of the first hand-rolled joint sold at a Missouri dispensary.

Jonathan Milo, CEO and founder of VIBE Cannabis, says the company had wanted to produce a hash hole for a while.

“We didn’t want to rush them, since this product type is viewed as the highest-tiered preroll available,” he says. “Each preroll requires the highest-quality inputs of flower, live rosin, rolling paper and tip, which are all individually hand-rolled by a passionate artisan. Every patient who has a chance to smoke one should feel like VIBE made it specifically for them, because we did.”

The artisan Milo is referring to is Adam Wideman (on Instagram @ShamanRolls), the man behind these rolls. Wideman’s past includes a stint as a correctional officer, but his current prominence in the cannabis sector eclipses that chapter, and the pride he takes in his work is palpable. He explains that he finds beauty in the process of rolling joints, which also serves as a form of therapy for him.

His journey into rolling began two years ago when he was inspired by a distinct roll style on Instagram. His training ground was his fiancée’s rotary cutting mat, where he spent innumerable hours honing his skill. Initially, he used his knack for sourcing premium flower and rosin to help friends. Before long, people were seeking his expertise, even commissioning him. In summer 2022, Wideman joined VIBE as a trimmer, soon finding himself secondin-command in the curing room and then ascended to infused joint manager. With Wideman’s passions for rolling and artisanal prowess and VIBE’s high-quality products, the stars aligned perfectly.

“After Adam showed me his passion and craftsmanship, I felt like we had our last important part of the equation,” Milo says. “He puts his heart into each one he touches.”

The Tropicana Cookies x Mimosa

the hole. If you’ve never smoked a hash hole and are a fan of rolling up, it’s worth trying for the visuals alone.

From the Kind Goods dispensary, I picked up a hash hole filled with Tropicana Cookies flower with Mimosa rosin for $48 with the medical discount.

Not only did this impeccably rolled joint burn slow and even, but the combination of Tropicana Cookies and Mimosa created an amazing tropical fruity flavor that brought back memories of sipping strawberry-orange daiquiris on vacation in Cancun. Even when the rosin portion started melting, the smoke was very smooth, which made for a pleasant experience. A few drags in, the rosin began its molten dance with the ember, crafting a central void in the flower. This phenomenon creates the doughnut effect, and it’s almost mesmerizing to look at the ash and see the ember lit through

For those curious about lineage, Tropicana Cookies stems from a crossbreed of Girl Scout Cookies and Tangie strains. Mimosa, another hybrid, is born from Purple Punch and Clementine. The combination of these strains provides a high that is euphoric and invigorating, eventually enveloping you with profound body relaxation. I realized halfway through the joint that its rich experience would be best for group enjoyment. Next time I have one of these beauties, I plan on sharing it with a few friends at a special occasion.

Overall, the Tropicana Cookies x Mimosa hash hole transcends standard cannabis consumption — it’s a truly unique experience. The importance of such innovative products isn’t solely in the components but also in the passion and commitment behind them.

With artisans like Wideman and visionaries like Milo, the Missouri cannabis arena is undeniably blessed. The hash hole exemplifies cannabis artistry at its finest. n

Aaron Childs is the founder and creative director of the Cannabis Cult, a Missouri cannabis-focused media company, which will be giving away a sample of the hash hole at cannabiscult.co.

As the rosin melts in the joint, it creates a void in the flower. This effect gives the hash hole its doughnut nickname, and it’s a mesmerizing experience. | AARON CHILDS

“Hash Hole” transcends standard cannabis consumption — it’s a truly unique experience.

[WEED NEWS]

Not So Automatic

Court staffers have rejected five times more than the 900 expungements they’ve granted under Missouri’s Amendment 3

Written by RYAN KRULL

In the past nine months, more than 900 marijuana-related criminal convictions have been expunged in the City of St. Louis. However, in that same time period, more than five times as many cases have been deemed not eligible for expungement.

The expungements come as the result of Amendment 3, which voters approved last November and which took effect the following December. In addition to legalizing weed for adults, it mandated the automatic expungement of many nonviolent marijuana-related criminal convictions.

The work of actually expunging those records is anything but automatic.

“It is a Herculean task,” says Joel Currier, the spokesperson for the 22nd Judicial Circuit Court in the city.

According to Currier, as of September 11, clerks in the St. Louis circuit court had reviewed more than 7,000 marijuanarelated cases. Out of those, 977 convictions have been expunged, and more than 6,100 have been deemed not eligible.

Currier says that earlier this year,

clerks in the 22nd Circuit Court identified approximately 21,000 cases that needed to be reviewed for possible expungement. That number includes many cases that pertain to drugs other than marijuana, which is why such a large percentage of the cases reviewed for possible expungement are deemed ineligible, he says.

Currier says that it’s a fairly involved process of going through the records one by one and determining if they meet the criteria. For example, many crimes such as selling marijuana to minors and driving while under the influence of marijuana are not eligible under the new law.

“Many of the cases have multiple charges, only one of which may have to do with marijuana,” Currier says. “They have to go through the case, find the charge related to marijuana, redact the portions that have to do with marijuana and leave the rest intact.”

In general, Currier says the task becomes more difficult the older the case is. Thus far, clerks have primarily been sorting through electronic filings, but eventually they’ll work their way back far enough in judicial history that they’ll be dealing with paper records. Currier says a lot of paper records are at the courthouse, but others are stored off-site.

The court system in St. Louis city did receive a $140,000 grant from the state to pay part-time clerks to help get through the expungements as quickly as possible.

June 8 was the deadline for all misdemeanor convictions to be expunged, per the language of Amendment 3. December 8 is the deadline to expunge felonies

“The clerks are working as hard as they can to comply with the deadlines,” Currier says.

Clerks in the 22nd Circuit Court identified approximately 21,000 cases to review. | BRADEN MCMAKIN

CULTURE 33

No Borders

CAM’s fall exhibits offer new perspectives on everything from lowriders to Pakistani protests

Written by JESSICA ROGEN

You don’t expect an art museum to be the place you take your shoes off and sink your toes into some lush carpeting.

But that’s exactly the setup for Hajra Waheed’s installation Hum, which opened as part of the Contemporary Art Museum St. Louis’ fall exhibits on September 8.

Picture a small gallery space, all painted white; the floor is covered in white carpet. Black speakers hang from the ceiling. A gallery attendant directs you to store your shoes in a cubby and then step in. The sound, which you could hear approaching the installation, swells beneath each speaker. It’s a waving hum, musical and a bit ethereal, yet powerful.

You stand or stroll around or sit down. Or maybe even lay down to listen and close your eyes. Yes, you are doing this in an art museum.

Part of Waheed’s solo exhibit, Hum is a satisfying and moving experience even without knowing its larger context — but that only elevates things. Waheed created the multi-channel composition in 2020 after students went on the march across Pakistan to protest cuts to the education budget. She visited Lahore in 2019 just as India implemented its Citizenship Amendment Act, which fasttracked citizenship for certain religious minorities — but not Muslims.

“These were movements that weren’t in direct communication with one another, and yet students were taking to the streets across both sides of the border in India and in Pakistan reciting the same poetry and songs from revolutionary poets and political prisoners from a previous generation,” Waheed said at a preview event.

She returned home and dove into other freedom movements, especially that of Nudem Durak, a singer imprisoned in Turkey since 2015 for singing Kurdish folk songs. All of these different people using their voices made Waheed think about the power of sound — and that became Hum (“we” in Urdu). While it’s an entire room, it’s actually just one piece of Waheed’s solo exhibit, which includes

sculpture, painting and works on paper as well as an immersive video, The Spiral, in CAM’s media room. Her works are unified by their focus on social movements and human struggle.

“But this exhibition is not just about one work, or just about one listening experience, or just about the collapse of state borders,” Waheed said. “It’s also about the collapse of soft borders, between mediums, materiality between our various senses, and between ourselves to each other, and the natural world.”

Waheed’s exhibit is joined by two others: Las Vegas artist Justin Favela’s installation Ruta Madre and St. Louis-born Dominic Chambers’ exhibit Birthplace

Visitors entering CAM’s events space can’t avoid coming across Favela’s work, nor would they want to. A large mural spanning the length of an entire wall, it is entirely made up of hand-cut, brightly colored tissue reminiscent of pinatas, which forms the outlines of a lowrider filled with a collage of references to Route 66. Ruta Madre, or Mother Road, evokes Favela’s heritage as Mexican and Guatemalan

American, and his parents’ time working on the Las Vegas strip. It examines LA’s Chicano lowrider culture, especially Gypsy Rose, a 1964 Chevy Impala painted by artist Jesse Valdez and named for burlesque star Gypsy Rose Lee. The piece also serves as a meditation on St. Louis’ place as the “Gateway to the West” as well as offering a bright riot of colors that’s undeniably fun to look at.

“It’s a representation of Route 66 and maybe some of the forgotten histories that are never really talked about,” Favela said at the preview, adding that he’d incorporated images of the Great Wall of Los Angeles mural, Arizona, Mexico, Oklahoma’s neon signs and St. Louis (including the Arch) before ending with the road’s termination in Chicago.

The mural is paired with a video that’s projected on the museum’s exterior facade at night. It depicts the Gypsy Rose and is part of CAM’s ongoing Street Views project, a series initiated in 2013 that displays large-scale videos on the museum’s facade as a way to increase accessibility to art.

Dominic Chambers’ Birthplace is something of a “love letter to St. Louis,” as Wassan Al-Khudhairi put it during the preview. (The former Ferring Foundation chief curator, Al-Khudhairi worked on the show before leaving CAM in January.) Stepping into the gallery that holds Chambers’ oil paintings and sculpture, that feeling is instantly apparent from the subjects: a basketball court sporting rainbow court lines in Fairgrounds Park, a community college classroom painting in shades of red, a transparent playground sculpture, a library and a jubilant rendition of the Saint Louis Art Museum and Art Hill filled with people flying brightly colored kites.

At the preview, Chambers spoke about how the collection is intended to trace his path growing up in St. Louis, getting into the arts and falling “in love with creativity.”

“I wanted to commemorate this decade-long journey,” he said. “I wanted to reflect a lot more on the environments of places that I felt really enriched and saved my life.”

The three exhibits in CAM’s main space are joined by several from the museum’s community-focused programs. The Teen Museum Studies program selected and curated Ruth Reese’s Metamorphosis, which is composed of sculptures inspired by the Greek gods. The work from CAM’s teen studio program, New Art in the Neighborhood, is showcased in How to Change Yourself World, and LEAP Middle School Initiative’s space is filled with the students’ collages, portraits and paintings of, naturally, pizza. n

All exhibits will be open at CAM (3750 Washington Avenue, 314-535-4660) through February 11 and are free to attend. The museum is open 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Wednesday through Sunday. More info at camstl.org.

Fom left: Hajra Waheed, Justin Favela and Dominic Chambers | COURTESY HAJRA WAHEED/MIKAYLA WHITMORE/DANIEL KUKLA. Fairground Park is part of a body of work that traces Chambers’ path through St. Louis to art. | DANIEL KUKLA

Play Christie for Me

In A Haunting in Venice, Kenneth Branagh takes a liberal hand with Britain’s best-loved author

Written by CLIFF FROEHLICH

A Haunting in Venice

Although now dead for nearly 50 years — she expired in 1976 at age 85 — Agatha Christie remains as mysteriously ubiquitous as ever. Rivaled in sales only by William Shakespeare — and let’s acknowledge that he got a 330-year head start — Christie has conservatively moved more than 2 billion books since The Mysterious Affair at Styles, her 1920 debut. And the tally continues its dizzying rise: With her work available in more than 100 languages — she’s also considered the world’s most translated author — Christie still manages to sell as many as 5 million books annually.

Exactly why Christie exerts such an inexorable magnetic pull on readers isn’t easily explained, but the combination of her dialogueheavy, easily grasped prose, elaborately baroque plots and comfortably familiar recurrent characters (Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple, most prominently) ensnare fans with the same capture-and-keep efficiency as a mousetrap. (The Mousetrap, of course, is her most famous play, whose epic West End run — history’s longest — began in 1958 and could only be halted by the onset of a worldwide pandemic. Further attesting to Christie’s persistent cultural relevance, a production of The Mousetrap makes its long-delayed Broadway debut later this year.)

Although largely immune to the allure of mysteries, I confess my own grade-school infatuation with Christie, a sort of literary puppy love: She was among the first writers whose other work I conscious-

ly sought out after reading one of her novels. But after imbibing Christie’s pleasant English tea for a few books, I soon desired stronger stuff. Since those youthful days, I’ve largely ignored Dame Agatha, with the exception of Sidney Lumet’s entertaining Murder on the Orient Express in 1974.

Which at last brings us, with appropriately Christie-like scenesetting deliberateness and indirection, to Kenneth Branagh’s A Haunting in Venice. The third of Branagh’s Christie adaptations — following his 2017 Murder on the Orient Express and last year’s Death on the Nile — Haunting follows the template established by its predecessors: sprawling boldface-name cast, exotic locale, plush production values, flamboyant visuals. As before, Branagh himself stars as the famed, elaborately mustachioed Belgian detective Hercule Poirot, here retired to post-World War II Venice and striving to avoid any further entanglements in murderous doings.

But, inevitably, someone coaxes Poirot from seclusion and back into the game: Mystery writer Ariadne Oliver (Tina Fey) manages to lure her old friend into accompanying her to a children’s Halloween party and — the true bait — a post-soiree séance at the decaying and allegedly ghost-ridden palazzo of bereaved opera singer Ro-

wena Drake (Yellowstone’s Kelly Reilly). Rowena has secured occultist Mrs. Reynolds (the postOscar Michelle Yeoh) to conjure the spirit of her recently drowned daughter, Alicia (Rowan Robinson), an apparent suicide. Among the other participants gathered to summon Alicia: her caddish former fiancé (Kyle Allen), her physician (Jamie Dornan) and his intellectually precocious young son (Jude Hill), Rowena’s ex-nun housekeeper (Call My Agent’s Camille Cottin) and Poirot’s bodyguard (Riccardo Scamarcio).

Angling for a bestseller after a string of commercial disappointments, Ariadne hopes Poirot will help supply some raw material by debunking Mrs. Reynolds’ supernatural powers. He initially seems to deliver by quickly uncovering the spiritualist’s hidden assistants, a Roma brother and sister (Ali Khan and Emma Laird). But odd, inexplicable occurrences continue even after the pair’s discovery, and then the film’s first body quite literally drops. As a fierce storm descends on Venice, roiling the waters of the city’s canals and trapping the séancegoers in the palazzo, Poirot must both ferret out the killer and grapple with increasing self-doubt about his rationalist worldview: Perhaps this house truly is haunted.

Christie completists puzzled

by their failure to recognize the film’s plot needn’t fret. Although A Haunting in Venice purportedly adapts her late-career Hallowe’en Party (1969), the filmmakers use so little of the novel that it’s essentially a wholly original work. Branagh and screenwriter Michael Green — his collaborator on all three Christie films — not only move the action from the English countryside to Venice, they add the supernatural theme, invent an entirely new set of characters and retain only the faintest hint of the story (both film and book feature an attack when bobbing for apples, but the movie swaps in Poirot as the victim). For the most part, those wholesale changes are all to the good: Hallowe’en Party is a dull, convoluted slog, though Christie legitimately startles with her decision to dispatch not one but two children, and without even modest sympathy.

Unfortunately for Branagh, his Christie films suffer a bit by comparison with Rian Johnson’s more sprightly, satiric Knives Out whodunits, in which Daniel Craig’s comically droll Benoit Blanc proves a far more winning detective than the dour Poirot, whose depressive aspect is overemphasized in these recent adaptations (even his creator eventually found Poirot something of an egotistical bore). It’s also mildly disappointing to see Branagh again retreat to safe commercial ground after his deserved success with the semiautobiographical Belfast, in which Dornan and Hill also play father and son but in a much more realistic and affecting manner.

Still, Branagh’s old-fashioned approach to Christie undeniably matches the sensibility of the author, and Haunting provides a large measure of pleasure, including Fey’s wry take on Christie’s Dr. Watson-style self-portrait, Hill’s budding Poirot in miniature and the expressionistic brio of cinematographer Haris Zambarloukos’ fisheye lenses and Dutch angles. And local audiences will delight in the Roma siblings’ amusing obsession with Missouri — the result of endless truncated viewings of Meet Me in St. Louis

Like Christie’s novels, A Haunting in Venice qualifies more as comfort food than haute cuisine, but sometimes a shepherd’s pie nicely satisfies. n

Directed by Kenneth Branagh. Written by Michael Green. Opened September 15.

Kenneth Branagh’s Poirot is joined by Liz Lemon — sorry, Tina Fey — as mystery writer Ariadne Oliver. | ROB YOUNGSON © 2023 20TH CENTURY STUDIOS

A Must-See Hit

The Rep kicks off its season with The Lehman Trilogy — a truly remarkable production

Written by TINA FARMER

Every so often, the stars align, each element of craft is executed at the highest level and a company mounts a truly remarkable production. The Repertory Theatre of St. Louis (130 Edgar Road, Webster Groves; 314-968-4925; repstl.org) achieves this rare pinnacle with captivating performances and a story centered on faith, reinvention and achieving the American Dream. The Lehman Trilogy is a must-see for anyone who loves compelling, expertly produced theater.

In 1844, a German Jewish immigrant becomes the first of his family to set foot in the U.S., which offers more rights and opportunity to men of his religion. Henry Lehman heads south, opening a fabrics and men’s suits store in Montgomery, Alabama. He is joined by his younger brothers Emanuel and Mayer soon after, and the three men scramble to build the business. When a devastating fire destroys Montgomery’s cotton harvest, the brothers make their first significant pivot, providing the equipment and supplies for the plantations to rebuild in exchange for a significant percent of the following year’s harvest.

The following year, the brothers broker their surplus cotton to mills in other cities. This leads Emanuel to open a New York office, expand their trade well beyond cotton and convince Mayer to join him, establishing their bro-

STAGE 37

kering and banking company as a Wall Street cornerstone. That’s right, these are those Lehman Brothers; it’s just not the story you might expect.

Flawless performances by Firdous Bamji, Joshua David Robinson and Scott Wentworth, effectively underscored by musician Joe LaRocca, keep audiences immersed in the story. Bamji, Robinson and Wentworth play dozens of distinctly different characters. Their transitions are so fluid, seamless and exceptionally well execut-

ed that they’re almost invisible, yet so fully realized in physicality, expression, accent and intention that you instantly recognize each distinct character. Simply put, Bamji, Robinson and Wentworth deliver an acting master class that leaves artists and audiences alike completely awestruck.

Perceptive direction by Carey Perloff and meticulous technical and artistic detail under the watchful eye of stage manager Emilee Buchheit keep the show running at a quick pace. The malleable sce-

| JON GITCHOFF

nic design and thoughtful projections, lighting and staging move us through time and location. A single, layered suit provides all the performers need for costume and character changes, and wooden cargo crates provide the props and settings. The interplay of detail, depth and simplicity enhances the storytelling in ways both subtle and surprising, resulting in delightful anticipation.

The engrossing script by Stefano Massini, adapted by Ben Power, glosses over the harsh realities of slave labor and rapacious capitalism that propelled the brothers to success, instead using faith and physical and verbal repetition to connect three generations of family across 160 years. Audiences will hardly notice that or the show’s long run time, more than three hours, as the performers draw you deeper and deeper into the unfolding story. Do yourself a favor: Get your ticket and be the first of your friends to discover the enthralling and buzzworthy The Lehman Trilogy. n

The Lehman Trilogy

Written by Stefano Massini and adapted by Ben Power. Directed by Carey Perloff. Presented by the Repertory Theatre of St. Louis through Sunday, September 24. Showtimes are at 2 p.m. Wednesday, 7 p.m. Thursday through Saturday and 2 p.m. on Sunday. Tickets are $25 to $90.

The Lehman Trilogy tells the origin story of the Lehman brothers, who founded what would become one of the U.S.’s largest investment banks before it filed for bankruptcy in the fallout of the 2008 subprime mortgage crisis.

OUT EVERY NIGHT

Each week, we bring you our picks for the best concerts of the next seven days! To submit your show for consideration, visit https://bit.ly/3bgnwXZ. All events are subject to change, especially in the age of COVID-19, so do check with the venue for the most up-to-date information before you head out for the night. Happy showgoing!

THURSDAY 21

BRIAN CULBERTSON: 8 p.m., $49.50-$89.50. The Factory, 17105 N Outer 40 Rd, Chesterfield, 314-423-8500.

BRIAN CURRAN: 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

EXPLOSIONS IN THE SKY: 8 p.m., $30-$45. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

HILLARY FITZ: 8 p.m., $15. Joe’s Cafe, 6014 Kingsbury Ave, St. Louis.

LONESTAR: w/ Russo & Co 8 p.m., $37.50. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

MONOPHONICS: w/ Dos Santos 8 p.m., $20-$25. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

PAUL BONN AND THE BLUESMEN: 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

PEELANDER-Z: w/ Dog Party 8 p.m., $17. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

RONNIE BAKER BROOKS: 8 p.m., $28. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

SARAH BORGES: 8 p.m., $15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

SIMPLY P.A.M.: 7:30 p.m., $20. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

SÖLICITÖR: w/ Sarkatha, Chemical Dependency 8 p.m., $12-$15. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

SPORTS TEAM: 8 p.m., $17. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

FRIDAY 22

75 DOLLAR BILL: 8 p.m., $10-$20. Joe’s Cafe, 6014 Kingsbury Ave, St. Louis.

98°: w/ All-For-One 7 p.m., $46-$135. Family Arena, 2002 Arena Parkway, St Charles, 636-896-4200.

BAGHEERA: w/ The Meowzas, Po Mia 8 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

BRAD HUFFMAN: 4 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA: w/ Fit For a King 7 p.m., $49.50. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

THE DUSTCOVERS: 7:30 p.m., free. The Frisco Barroom, 8110 Big Bend Blvd., Webster Groves, 314-455-1090.

GRACE BASEMENT: 7 p.m., free. Das Bevo Biergarten, 4749 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-224-5521.

HARD BOP MESSENGERS: 7:30 p.m., $15. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

HEARTLESS BASTARDS: 8 p.m., $25. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

HEROES OF THE KINGDOM: w/ Lark’s Tongue, Dibiase 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

HONKY TONK HAPPY HOUR: 4 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

I GOT THE VARSITY BLUES: w/ Joe Metzka, Marty D Spikener On Call Band 7 p.m., $25-$35. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis.

IVAS JOHN BAND: 8 p.m., $20. Gaslight Theater, 358 N. Boyle Ave., St. Louis.

Viagra Boys w/ Queens of the Stone Age

7 p.m. Saturday, September 23. Saint Louis Music Park, 750 Casino Center Drive, Maryland Heights. $44.50 to $69.50. 314-727-4444.

With its fraught-to-Google name and frontman Sebastian Murphy’s tattooedwhite-trash stage persona, it could be easy for the casual onlooker to write off Viagra Boys as a juvenile joke of a band — but to do so would be to make a huge mistake. Since getting its start in 2015, the Swedish post-punk act has consistently been a critical darling, weaving elements of new wave and even electronica into its in-your-face rock sound to devastating effect. Last year’s Cave World, the followup to 2021’s lauded Welfare Jazz, expands on its predecessor’s examination of the internal machinations of the dregs of society — a self-deprecating viewpoint inspired by Murphy’s own experience as a heavy drug user — by delving more into the world of conspiracy, with a

JAKE OWEN: 7:30 p.m., $39.50-$69.50. The Factory, 17105 N Outer 40 Rd, Chesterfield, 314-423-8500.

KREAM: 10 p.m., $15-$400. RYSE Nightclub, One Ameristar Blvd, St. Charles.

MALINDA: 8 p.m., $28. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

MARTY ABDULLAH & THE EXPRESSIONS: 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

MEST & AUTHORITY ZERO: 8 p.m., $22. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

ROYAL BLOOD: 8 p.m., $35. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

SLEEP TOKEN: 8 p.m., $29.50. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

particular fascination with COVID-19 and the misinformation that abounds around the pandemic. Murphy is the only member of the band who was not born in Sweden — he’s an American boy from just outside San Francisco who moved to the country when he was 17 — and he wrote the lyrics for the album during COVID-19 lockdowns. His U.S. roots shine through in the material, with the homegrown batshittery of QAnon square in his sights on tracks such as “Creepy Crawlers,” which laments, “Can you believe it, lizard people / Oh, they’re harvesting our children / My children are growing up with lizard gills / And animal hair.” It’s a razor-sharp takedown of a nonsensical ideology, and it’s just one example of the devastatingly effective satire that makes Viagra Boys one of the best bands around at this particular moment in history.

Lullabies to Paralyze: Technically, Viagra Boys is opening this show, with celebrated Seattle rock act Queens of the Stone Age serving as the headliner. But trust us: You’d be a fool to miss the opener.

—Daniel Hill

THE USED: 7 p.m., $29.50-$59.50. St. Louis Music Park, 750 Casino Center Dr., Maryland Heights, 314-451-2244.

SATURDAY 23

ALL ROOSTERED UP: noon, free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

AVATAR: 7:30 p.m., $35. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

THE BEDLAM BROTHERS: 7 p.m., free. Das Bevo Biergarten, 4749 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314224-5521.

BEYOND FM ROCK SHOWCASE: 7:30 p.m., $8. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

BROTHER FRANCIS AND THE SOULTONES: 10 p.m., $12. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broad-

way, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

CHERRY & JERRY RAGTIME DUO: 10 a.m., free. Webster Groves Garden Cafe, 117 E. Lockwood Ave., Webster Groves, 314-475-3490.

CRYSTAL LADY: 8 p.m., $10. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

DEAR GENRE: 4 p.m., free. The Wink! Annex, 4209 Virginia, St. Louis, 314-337-1288.

THE GASLIGHT ANTHEM: 7:30 p.m., $39.50$59.50. The Factory, 17105 N Outer 40 Rd, Chesterfield, 314-423-8500.

HITCHCOCK AND THE HITMEN: 7:30 p.m., free. The Frisco Barroom, 8110 Big Bend Blvd., Webster Groves, 314-455-1090.

JOHN MCVEY BAND: 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

KARENOCALYPSE: w/ Mürtaugh 8 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

KIRKOS ALBUM RELEASE SHOW: 8 p.m., $10-$15. The Crack Fox, 1114 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-621-6900.

LEFT TO SUFFER: w/ Distant 7 p.m., $20. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE: w/ Viagra Boys 7 p.m., $44.50-$69.50. St. Louis Music Park, 750 Casino Center Dr., Maryland Heights, 314-451-2244.

RICH MCDONOUGH & THE RHYTHM RENEGADES: 2 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

RINGO STARR: 8 p.m., $55-$449. The Fox Theatre, 527 N. Grand Blvd., St. Louis, 314-534-1111.

STOKER: 8 p.m., $12. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

STRANGE RANGER: w/ Algae Dust, Tyson Armond 8 p.m., $15. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

TASH SULTANA: 8 p.m., $49.50-$75. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

SUNDAY 24

ALIEN NOSEJOB: w/ Clickbait, Still Animals. Shitstorm 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

ALL TIME LOW: 7 p.m., $39.50-$55. The Factory, 17105 N Outer 40 Rd, Chesterfield, 314-4238500.

ANDY COCO & CO.: 2 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314621-8811.

BROTHER JEFFERSON: 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

CAROLYN MASON: w/ Uvee Hayes 1 p.m., $25. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis.

COMMUNITY GOSPEL CHOIR NEW MEMBER

NIGHT: 6 p.m., free. Second Baptist Church, 9030 Clayton, St. Louis, 314-991-3424.

DEVON CAHILL: 1 p.m., free. City Winery St. Louis, 3730 Foundry Way, Suite 158, St. Louis, 314-678-5060.

THE DISCO BISCUITS: 8 p.m., $35. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

ERIK BROOKS: 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028

S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

KEVIN BUCKLEY: 10 a.m., free. Das Bevo Biergarten, 4749 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-224-5521.

KEVIN GRUEN: 9 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

NICO PLAY: w/ Enemy Airship, Kitz Row 7 p.m., $12-$15. Central Stage, 3524 Washington Avenue, St. Louis, 314-533-0367.

MONDAY 25

ASKING ALEXANDRIA & THE HU: 6:30 p.m., $44.50-$69.50. The Factory, 17105 N Outer 40 Rd, Chesterfield, 314-423-8500.

AVENGED SEVENFOLD: w/ Falling In Reverse 7 p.m., $35-$129.95. Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre, I-70 & Earth City Expwy., Maryland Heights, 314-298-9944.

Viagra Boys. | FREDRIK BENGTSSON

[CRITIC’S PICK]

HALF ALIVE: 7:30 p.m., $32.50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

MONDAY NIGHT REVIEW: w/ Tim, Danny and Randy 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

SOULARD BLUES BAND: 9 p.m., $8. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

ZZ WARD: 8 p.m., $25. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

TUESDAY 26

311: w/ Awolnation, Blame My Youth 7 p.m., $49.50-$89.50. The Factory, 17105 N Outer 40 Rd, Chesterfield, 314-423-8500.

CREE RIDER: 5 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

ELECTRIC SIX: w/ The Surfrajettes 8 p.m., $20. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

ETHAN JONES: 9 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

EVE SELTZER AND BEN WOOD: 7 p.m., $15. Blue

Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

MARGARET & FRIENDS: 6 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

NAKED MIKE: 6 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

SQUEEZE / PSYCHEDELIC FURS: 7:30 p.m., $40$100. Stifel Theatre, 1400 Market St, St. Louis, 314-499-7600.

TY DOLLA $IGN: 8 p.m., $37.50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

WEDNESDAY 27

ANITA JACKSON + JOANNA SERENKO + EMILY

WALLACE + DAVE GRELLE: 7:30 p.m., $20. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

DETHKLOK AND BABYMETAL: 7 p.m., $45-$65. St. Louis Music Park, 750 Casino Center Dr., Maryland Heights, 314-451-2244.

DREW LANCE: 4:30 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

ESSENGER & PUPPET: w/ Young Medicine 8 p.m.,

$17. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

JOHN MCVEY BAND: 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

JOHN R. MILLER: 8 p.m., $18. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

MARGARET & FRIENDS: 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

MOLTEN BONE II CASSETTE RELEASE SHOW: w/ Loredo Venus, NNN Cook 8 p.m., $5. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

PAUL CAUTHEN: w/ Colby Acuff 8 p.m., $30. The Hawthorn, 2225 Washington Avenue, St. Louis.

TERROR REID: 8 p.m., $20-$25. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

VOODOO JIMI HENDRIX: 9 p.m. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

THIS JUST IN

120 MINUTES: Fri., Sept. 29, 9 p.m., $5. Sky Music Lounge, 930 Kehrs Mill Road, Ballwin, 636-5276909. Fri., Oct. 13, 7 p.m., $5. Wed., Nov. 22, 7 p.m., $5. Hwy 61 Roadhouse and Kitchen, 34 S Old Orchard Ave, Webster Groves, 314-968-0061.

5TH ANNUAL HALLOWEEN DANCE PARTY: Sat., Oct. 28, 7:45 p.m., free. Sawmill BBQ Pub & Grill, 1090 Old Des Peres Rd, Des Peres, 314-394-1196.

ALARM WILL SOUND: Sun., Oct. 8, 7 p.m., $10-

$15. Webster University Community Music School, 535 Garden Ave., Webster Groves, 314-968-5939.

ANDY FRASCO & THE U.N.: W/ Maggie Rose, Fri., Dec. 15, 8 p.m., $26. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

Dethklok w/ Babymetal

7 p.m. Wednesday, September 27. Saint Louis Music Park, 750 Casino Center Drive, Maryland Heights. $45 to $55. 314-727-4444.

It’s been nearly a decade since the most popular metal band in the world (and the planet’s seventh-largest economy) has graced its fans with new material, but the bigger-than-the-Beatles powerhouse that is Dethklok returned in a large way last month with a new full-length movie and studio album after a protracted period of dormancy. Metalocalypse: Army of the Doomstar is said to be the final chapter of the beloved animated story, and is the followup to The Doomstar Requiem, a 47-minute rock opera released by Adult Swim in 2013 after the cancellation of the original series. Even (or perhaps especially) with the long wait, the film has been wellreceived by critics and fans alike, with a Daily Beast reviewer dubbing it “the weirdest and wildest music series of all time” and “a sincere ode to the thrilling extremism of metal and a celebration of the idea that music is life.” As if a whole-ass movie isn’t enough, Metalocalypse creator Brendon Small teamed up once again with the

BLACKWELL: W/ Furnace Floor, Chemical Dependency, Mon., Oct. 2, 8 p.m., $10. Platypus, 4501 Manchester Avenue, St. Louis, 314-359-2293.

BRO FRANCIS FAMILY BAND: Sun., Oct. 1, 4:30 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

THE CALIFORNIA HONEYDROPS: Tue., Nov. 7, 8 p.m., $30. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

THE CAVVES: W/ Mold Gold, No Antics, Sat., Sept. 30, 7:30 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

COLD WATER CREEK: Fri., Sept. 29, 8 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

CULT OF LIP: W/ Enemy Airship, Pealds, Fri.,

legendary Gene Hoglan for Dethalbum IV, a pummeling set of 11 intricately crafted melodic death metal rippers that serves as the (admittedly fictional) band’s fifth album. Small, undoubtedly a musical genius, handled vocals, guitars, bass and keyboards for the record, with Hoglan lending his laser-focused drum chops to the affair — an arrangement that has been in place since the two first teamed up on the original Dethalbum in 2007. But while it’s just the two of them in the studio, live shows are another matter, and even Small doesn’t have the skills to play four instruments at once. And so, Saint Louis Music Park will host Bryan Beller, Pete Griffin (no relation to the fat dude on Family Guy) and Nili Brosh alongside Small and Hoglan for this week’s St. Louis performance. Expect an expertly delivered set of extreme metal from a group of people who take themselves far less seriously than they take their music.

$9. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

HIP GREASE: Sat., Sept. 30, 10 p.m., $12. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

HONEY REVENGE: Tue., Nov. 21, 7:30 p.m., $19. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314498-6989.

HONKY TONK HAPPY HOUR: Fri., Sept. 29, 4 p.m.,

$5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

HUNTER: Thu., Sept. 28, 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

IMMATERIAL POSSESSION: W/ Furthest, The Neck, DJ Shake Uranus, Wed., Oct. 4, 7:30 p.m., $10. Rootwad Park, 1 O’Fallon Street, St. Louis.

JAKE’S LEG: Fri., Sept. 29, 9:30 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

JAVIER MENDOZA & HOBO CANE ALBUM

RELEASE: Sat., Oct. 21, 7 p.m., $30. Kirkwood Performing Arts Center (KPAC), 210 E Monroe Ave, Kirkwood, 314-759-1455.

JEREMIAH JOHNSON: Fri., Oct. 20, 7 p.m., $25-

$35. National Blues Museum, 615 Washington Ave., St. Louis.

LA BLUES BAND: Thu., Sept. 28, 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314773-5565.

THE LISTON BROTHERS: Sat., Dec. 2, 8 p.m., $29.95-$49.95. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

MARGARET & FRIENDS: Wed., Oct. 4, 3 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

THE MARS VOLTA: W/ Teri Gender Bender, Tue., Oct. 3, 8 p.m., $49.50-$79.50. The Factory, 17105 N Outer 40 Rd, Chesterfield, 314-423-8500.

THE MERCURY TREE: W/ Subtropolis, Huht, Thu., Sept. 28, 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

MILES MILLER: Tue., Oct. 3, 8 p.m., $15. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

MONDAY NIGHT REVIEW: W/ Tim, Danny and Randy, Mon., Oct. 2, 7 p.m., $5. Hammerstone’s, 2028 S. 9th St., St. Louis, 314-773-5565.

NEON AND NICOTINE SINGLE RELEASE SHOW: Thu., Oct. 5, 7:30 p.m., $10-$15. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

PATTER: W/ Sloopy Mccoy, Scalawag, Sun., Oct. 1, 8 p.m., $10. CBGB, 3163 S. Grand Blvd., St. Louis.

PETER MAYER NIGHT 1: Wed., Dec. 13, 8 p.m., $28-$35. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

PETER MAYER NIGHT 2: Thu., Dec. 14, 8 p.m., $28-$35. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

SNOTTY NOSE REZ KIDS: Fri., Dec. 1, 8 p.m., $25. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

—Daniel Hill

The Other One: Joining Dethklok on this outing is Japan’s Babymetal, a group that peddles a brain-bending blend of heavy metal and J-pop that its members are credited with inventing. Kawaii metal may be too ridiculous for most fans of the cvlt and trve, but it will at least be one hell of a spectacle.

Sept. 29, 7 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

DAVID GRELLE’S PLAYADORS: W/ Jordan Rivers & the Real Juice, Jimmy Griffin, Fri., Nov. 17, 8 p.m., $15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

DIESEL ISLAND: Sat., Oct. 7, 7 p.m., free. Das Bevo Biergarten, 4749 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-224-5521.

AN EVENING WITH HAKEN: Tue., Feb. 20, 7:30 p.m., $30-$80. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

EXTREME: W/ Living Colour, Fri., Feb. 9, 7 p.m., $35-$65. River City Casino & Hotel, 777 River City Casino Blvd., St. Louis, 314-388-7777. THE HAMILTON BAND: Thu., Sept. 28, 9 p.m.,

SPEEDY ORTIZ: W/ Stuck, Foyer Red, Tue., Oct. 3, 8 p.m., $16-$18. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

ST. LOUIS MINI FEST: W/ Youpeopl, Nick Kitchen, Lost on the Metro, Case 44, Lotus Lunabelle, Chainlink, The Down Bads, Ddare Bionic, Sat., Sept. 30, 5:45 p.m., $20. Central Stage, 3524 Washington Avenue, St. Louis, 314-533-0367.

STEVE BAUER AND MATT RUDOLPH: Tue., Oct. 3, 9 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

SYNOPTIC FREQUENCIES 6: W/ Eli Winter, Ghosts I Have Been, Lex Kosieradzki, Two Hands One Engine, Sat., Sept. 30, 7 p.m., $10. MaTovu, 4200 Blaine Avenue, St. Louis, n/a. WOLVES IN THE THRONE ROOM: W/ Blackbraid, Gaera, Hoaxed, Fri., Sept. 29, 6:55 p.m., $25. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. n

Dethlok. | VIA TICKETMASTER

[CRITIC’S PICK]

SAVAGE LOVE

Didn’t Happen

BY DAN SAVAGE

Hey Dan: I used to loudly proclaim that all this crap about Black men being better in bed was pure bullshit. My ego said it was a bunch of propaganda. The thought of me being a cuckold was never going to happen. Then my wife’s workplace hired a Black man, and he was among several of her coworkers that went for drinks after work one Friday evening. I never knew that my wife harbored a desire to see for herself if everything people said about Black men was true. She went with him and had sex. It was her most exciting and rewarding sex of her life. He really did her like no one had ever done her before. It was obvious to me that something had changed. Once we finally got it out in the open, I was angry, frustrated, humiliated and embarrassed. It took me weeks to get over it and to accept that my wife needed this Black man in her life and bed. No way was I going to divorce her because then I would have to explain the reason why our 15-year marriage was ending. So, now I have no option but to admit I am a cuckold. My question is: Is this normal and common?

Cuckolding Has Upended Marital Parameters

It’s not normal, it’s not common — and it didn’t happen.

Oh, you might be a cuckold, CHUMP, and you might have a wife and your wife might have a lover who might be a Black man that she met a work. But if you’re lucky enough to be living the version of the cuckold dream that appeals to you most — cuckolding with a racial overlay — it didn’t come together the way you described.

Lots of wannabe cucks fantasize about their wives turning them into cuckolds against their will, e.g., the husband gets presented with a fait accompli — the wife has taken a lover and won’t give him up, divorce isn’t an option, the husband has no choice but to accept his fate — but no man has ever become a cuckold like that. That may be how it happens in a cuckold’s fantasies, CHUMP, but in reality, men who are living out their cuckold dreams had to beg their wives to fuck other men, sometimes for years.

A wife turning her husband into a cuckold because it’s what she wants? Maybe that’s happened once or twice, but otherwise that only happens in porn and in letters horny wannabe cucks send to advice columnists while they’re beating off. So, when a married woman is fucking a neighbor or a coworker or both with

the consent of a husband who has embraced being a cuckold … yeah, his consent wasn’t reluctantly given. It wasn’t extracted under duress, it wasn’t an offer he couldn’t refuse and it wasn’t her idea. It was his idea. A wannabe cuckold’s wife may have warmed to the idea over time — she might’ve come to love it and can’t imagine going back — but it was his fantasy, not hers.

So, nice letter CHUMP, total bullshit, hope you enjoyed the wank. Now, I’d like to zoom out for a second ...

There are lots of straight white men out there with cuckold fantasies that include problematic racialized elements, like CHUMP’s here. (Interestingly, gay men with cuckold fantasies are a lot less likely to care about the race of their husband’s other sex partners. I’m sure a lot of my Black readers were offended by CHUMP’s letter and a lot of my white readers were offended on behalf of my Black readers.) But I have to say … there are Black men out there who enjoy being fetishized by white male cucks because it turns them on, too. And if you don’t believe me when I say there Black men who 1. enjoy fucking the wives of white cuckolds and 2. either don’t mind being objectified in this way or really and truly get off on it, well, maybe you’ll believe these podcasters and porn stars and content creators.

And with that said …

There’s something about CHUMP’s fantasy that strikes me as … well, a lot more fucked up than most cuck fantasies with racialized elements. He’s not just aroused by stereotypes about Black male sexuality that some Black men also find arousing and enjoy exploring with white couples who see them not just as objects, but also as three-dimensional human beings with needs, feelings, fantasies and their own inner lives. No, CHUMP is turned on by the idea of being trapped (common cuck fantasy) in his marriage because the whole world would know his wife was fucking a Black man if he left her — because where he lives men who divorce their wives are required to post their real reasons on at least three billboards outside of town — and it would be so obviously humiliating (according to CHUMP) if people knew that he has no choice but to stay. CHUMP doesn’t present this piece as something fucked up about his fantasy that he enjoys toying with but obviously isn’t how he really feels, but as the real reason he can never leave his wife.

Blech.

If I were a Black man, I wouldn’t fuck CHUMP’s wife (assuming she exists) if that was how he truly felt about Black men fucking his wife. But I’m not a Black man — or a straight man — and Black men are allowed to make their own choic-

es about whose wives they wanna fuck. Hey Dan: I’m a 34-year-old cis bi guy who recently moved to Colorado after getting out of a rocky, dead-bedroom marriage of nine years. As part of this big life transition, I decided to work up the courage to hire a professional mommy domme to live out my ABDL fantasies for the first time. You can’t believe my surprise when I discovered that one of the local dommes is my former high school girlfriend. We haven’t kept up with each other since we left for college. Dan, she’s super hot and does ABDL sessions, and I can’t think of anybody who I would trust more for my first time visiting a sex worker. I also worry that she would find it super fucking weird to get a session request from an ex-boyfriend from high school. Should I contact her? Or should I look somewhere else and let her do her thing in peace?

Anxiously Babbling Divorced Lad

I ran your question by Mistress Matisse, a sex worker with decades of experience, a tireless advocate for the rights of sex workers and a friend of mine for more decades than I feel comfortable assigning a number to.

“It’s been over 10 years since they graduated, everyone is a grown-up now,” says Mistress Matisse. “Obviously, he needs to be honest and say, ‘I feel like this could be a great and safe experience for us both. But if you feel like this is too weird, I understand and I won’t contact you again. I also won’t tell any possible mutual acquaintances about your career, which I have the utmost respect for.’ And he should abide by her decision and stick to those promises.”

Your ex most likely knows other sex workers who provide similar services — there’s a lot of solidarity among sex workers — so, even if she doesn’t feel comfortable booking a session with you herself, ABDL, she might be able to refer you to a colleague. The more consideration and tact you demonstrate when you contact your ex, the likelier she is to refer you to a trusted friend. (Feel free to copy and paste Mistress Matisse’s suggested language!)

Follow Mistress Matisse on Twitter and BlueSky @MistressMatisse.

Hey Dan: I’m a 36-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is 46. We’ve been dating exclusively for over a year, and we are planning on moving in together soon and, if all goes well, marriage. We don’t want to have children at the moment, but we might change our minds. I love him so much, but I don’t love a choice he made 10 years ago to become a sperm donor. If we ever do want to have children, I don’t like the idea of my child having up to a hundred half-siblings. He doesn’t actually know how many kids are out there, but the bank said he was

very popular. At first, we talked about him becoming discoverable so we could find out who is out there before we were married. Now he says he wants to stay private. But with genetic testing, he might be discoverable regardless. I am also concerned about my privacy. Sometimes these kids reach out because they want to know their health history or want a relationship or even money. All of it is so complicated, and it has been really hard for me to accept. I also feel like if we did end up having children, my child would be less special. I feel a lot of grief over a decision he made that so profoundly affects my life. This is the best relationship I’ve ever been in, but I don’t know if I should end it because of his past. He says he regrets doing this, but it’s something he can never take back. He can’t even get the bank to stop using his sperm. I don’t know anyone else in this situation. What should I do?

Debate Over Nixing Otherwise Reliable Suitor

Jesus Christ, marry someone else — seriously, if you when you look at this guy you don’t think, “This isn’t ideal, but I love him and we can get through this together,” you shouldn’t marry him.

To be frank, DONORS, I think you’re being ridiculous. You don’t even know if you want kids — you don’t even know if you wanna marry this man — and you’re having a full-blown existential crisis about these children you aren’t sure you want feeling less special to you … if you should decide to have them … because the man you aren’t sure you wanna marry might have a few biological kids out there already. As a person with three siblings, let me just say … kids with siblings — full or half, donor or direct deposit — aren’t any less special than kids without siblings. And if you don’t agree with that statement and/or don’t think you can get there with the help of a good therapist, DONORS, please don’t have the kids you aren’t sure you want with this man you aren’t sure you wanna marry.

If the bank says his sperm is popular, your boyfriend almost certainly has biological kids out there somewhere. The oldest would be less than 10, which means you have a decade to brace yourself for the inevitable phone call(s). If that’s not a price of admission you’re willing to pay to be with this guy — if you can’t see yourself being a loving and supportive partner when one of his biological kids tracks him down — you shouldn’t marry this guy. Because if he’s as lovely as you say he is, DONORS, he really deserves better.

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