Cleveland Scene - January 17, 2024

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CONTENTS JANUARY 17 - 30, 2024 • VOL. 54 No 14

Upfront .......................................7

Music ........................................27

Feature .....................................10

Livewire....................................29

Get Out ..................................... 14

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INVESTORS SUE CLEVELAND ROCKS CLIMBING GYM OWNER KEVIN WOJTON, ACCUSE HIM OF FRAUD SINCE OPENING, THE Cleveland Rocks climbing gym has breathed new life into the Masonic Temple building in Ohio City on Franklin Blvd. The gym’s co-founder and Masonic owner Kevin Wojton, a native who moved back to Cleveland after a stint in the finance world of New York City, positioned himself as a notable local and national success story of, among other things, the Trump-era Opportunity Zones tax incentive program, which aided in his purchase and renovation of the once-vacant property that grew to include a yoga studio with future promises of a makerspace and coworking offices. From the inside, things weren’t so rosy, according to those involved. Ten investors who collectively poured hundreds of thousands of dollars into Cleveland Rocks in recent years last week filed a lawsuit against Wojton accusing him of fraud. Specifically, they allege the investor deck presented at the start laid out the financial viability of the gym and the Masonic based on the existence of other rent-paying tenants that, it turns out, were operated by Wojton himself and are unable to pay rent in full; that no “distributions, preferred returns, repayments of contribution, or payments of any kind have ever been paid” to the investors; that he presented them either incomplete or falsified financial updates; and that “little, if any” of the money they gave Wojton went to ensuring the space was as profitable as it was sold. Instead, the complaint says, it was “an unlawful Ponzi scheme.” “Despite all of the representations made by Defendant Wojton regarding [the] financial condition, [his company] has defaulted in its obligations to the mortgagee of the Property,” the

suit alleges. As the years went by and Wojton ceased providing accurate updates, he implored the investors to avoid costly lawyers and a prolonged legal affair. They instead retained counsel, whose last interaction with Wojton came in an email exchange in November, according to the complaint, that included a deadline to produce the requested documents by the 29th of that month. “It [sic] totally apologize,” Wojton responded on the 30th. “I thought this was due on the 30th. Not the 29th. I was putting the final touches on it today and was going to be sending over asap. I have been working hard to get you all the requested documents on top of running the companies, so I appreciate your patience! I will be sending over with in [sc] the next hour!” Wojton sent nothing the next hour nor after, the complaint notes. Reached by phone Thursday afternoon, Wojton appeared shocked that he was the subject of a lawsuit in the first place. “I am not aware of any lawsuit that was filed. I haven’t gotten any certified mail or I wasn’t informed by any lawyers or anything,” he told Scene. “So this is all kind of news to me.” After being read a summarized version of the complaint, each of the ten names of the investors, and emails regarding requested accounting documents, Wojton said he in fact had previously gotten a lawyer and prepared to de-escalate the situation. Was he upfront about the accounting? “Yeah, absolutely,” Wojton said. “There were some complications with the taxes. But we did file where we could.” As for the investors, “I gave them accounting information. I always was in communication, sharing financials, sharing market outcomes on a regular basis.

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I don’t think there’s any more communication I could’ve given them... I talk with them almost every week. These are people who I consider friends, people who I go to for advice, people who have been close advisors and mentors in the project. And the resulting kind of disinformation is shocking to me just because they never even approached me about any issues.” Ziad Tayeh, the lawyer for the investors suing Wojton, opted for a black-and-white stance. “At the end of the day, there is a business relationship here, regardless of whether these people are on friendly terms,” he told Scene. “When it comes to business, friendships are secondary to business. That’s why we have contracts. That’s why there are laws that govern these transactions.” When Cleveland Rocks softopened in the summer of 2021, Wojton sold it as both a climber’s climbing gym—its 54-foot walls are modeled on cliffsides of Utah and Montana—and a beacon of thumbs-up development for Ohio City’s growing stock of millennially-aged folk. Wojton soon brought a vinyl record player into the bouldering room. He stocked its lobby with Cleveland Rocksbranded chalk bags and T-shirts.

“Community is the most important thing to us,” its website reads. “The culture at Cleveland Rocks is one founded on inclusivity, and there’s a spot for everyone and anyone who wants to be a part of this space.” Wojton himself presented an avatar of a financially-hip tech guru in his early thirties. After working in New York investment firms, he returned home to start IOTA Labs, a venture capital firm, and The Cleveland Impact Fund, which offered expertise on and investment possibilities in Opportunity Zone projects. He’s appeared in interviews with the Greater Cleveland Partnership, Politico and industry outlets on the topic. (Alternately, Salon and others covered Wojton as an example of why the Opportunity Zones program failed to deliver on its promises for the poor.) As for the gym, according to the suit Wojton told investors there was “little to no chance of failure of the climbing gym operating business.” Plaintiffs note the court should prevent Wojton from using any of the investor funds to pay for his defense and seek his removal as manager of Cleveland Rocks. – Mark Oprea

January 3 - 16, 2024 | clevescene.com |

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Cuyahoga County Dem Party Members Take Issue With O’Malley’s Characterization That ‘Safe’ Suburbs Support Ahn In the wake of the Cuyahoga County Democratic Party’s non-endorsement of incumbent Prosecutor Michael O’Malley, some members have taken issue with his suggestion that “safe” suburbs supported his challenger Matthew Ahn and his progressive platform simply because those areas aren’t intimately familiar with public safety issues. O’Malley garnered 58.5% of the votes at the January meeting, falling short of the 60% threshold that would have led to an endorsement. Ahn tallied 37.7%. Another 3.9% abstained. Ahn, a college professor and former public defender, took the non-endorsement as a victory, telling Scene, “I think what happened was a really big deal, a big vote of no confidence in our incumbent Prosecutor and the policies that he has implemented, which have not worked.” In O’Malley’s opinion, the vote showed that he still claims widespread support among the majority of a county party that has moved to the left in recent years. He also suggested that “safe” suburbs fell in line behind Ahn — citing Bay Village and Lyndhurst as two examples — because members from those areas haven’t had to deal with the same crime issues as others. “Because they live in very safe communities, so it’s easy to be in Bay Village and say we’re going to defund the police and the type of stuff that Matthew has posted about on social media in the past,” O’Malley said. “I think, frankly, it’s easier to believe in some of that when you’ve never been carjacked in your community, when you’ve never been dragged out of your car at a gas station with a gun to your head. You think, oh, you can go easy on people.” Sally Lang, Vice President of the Lyndhurst Democratic Club, took issue with O’Malley’s characterization. “O’Malley suggested that Ahn’s suburban support in Lyndhurst, our community, comes because Lyndhurst does not face the same public safety issues as the city of Cleveland and other inner ring suburbs. O’Malley also implies that we who live in ‘safe communities’ have discussed defunding the police,” she told Scene. “Lyndhurst

Photo by Maria Elena Scott

Democrats have not discussed nor suggested defunding the police. We value our police department and rely on it for our community’s safety. We generally feel safe here, yet we have experienced serious crimes. “The Lyndhurst Democratic Club has welcomed Matthew Ahn to our club meetings this past year as he has campaigned here,” she continued. “We have gotten to know him and heard his philosophy of governance. Our support for his election is neither based on a naive consideration of our safety nor criticism of police. We value his moderate discussions of the important job of county prosecutor and criminal justice reform.” Few would confuse Bay Village and East Cleveland when it comes to public safety issues, but the eastern suburb also supported Ahn in the endorsement vote. City Councilwoman and Cuyahoga County Democratic Party Executive Committee Member Patricia Blochowiak likewise bristled at O’Malley’s characterization. “[His] argument about communities that have experienced crime falls apart in East Cleveland, where he only received one vote,” she said. “We don’t want our children in adult prisons. We don’t support prosecutorial misconduct.” Ahn also responded to O’Malley’s theory, telling Scene: “I spent the last eight months really talking individually with members, hearing their concerns, and talking about policies. I wanted to demonstrate to them how the Prosecutor is failing them, and our communities, and talking about data-driven and research-based strategies that we know can make our communities safer... I’m not trying to be a progressive icon. It seems like another way for my opponent to simply avoid taking responsibility for a lack of support within his own party.” – Vince Grzegorek

Half of Clevelanders Think City Parks Aren’t in Good Condition, Survey Shows Dirty. Unsafe. Outdated. Underutilized. Necessary. Fun. In the minds of 555 Clevelanders, these are the top words that come to mind when thinking of the city’s parks, results released last week from a Parks and Recreation Master Plan survey

showed. Feedback for Mayor Justin Bibb’s call to modernize Cleveland’s park system, which kicked off in June, quantified and contextualized longstanding feelings. While two-thirds of those surveyed felt enough parks were within walking distance, roughly the same amount—60 percent— thought city parks were not in good condition. Eighty percent felt the same about Cleveland’s rec centers. “I would like you to come into the 21st century,” a resident from Hough commented, “and provide the service’s [sic] we need for a world-class city.” While the announcement of new baseball diamonds (Jose Ramirez Field in Tremont) and mini-parks (Lighthouse on West 9th) have brought new life into the greater system, other blocks continue to show dents. Those, according to the Bibb administration, will be addressed in the next 15 years as part of the Master Plan . On a national stage, Cleveland is not abysmal. On last year’s ParkScore list, which rates hundreds of U.S. urban park systems, the city came in 24th —with high points for access and equity, but “below average” markings for acreage and amenities. Though 83 percent within a ten-minute walk of a playground or splashpad, just seven percent of the city as a whole is covered by parkland. As for the survey itself, Parks & Rec consultants and personnel

tried to get a true impression of Cleveland’s needs. Surveyors went into seven planning regions, from the “Far West” to the “Northeast,” to gauge residents’ feedback. The hope was to “foster dialogue” and “to cultivate a shared vision for the future of Cleveland’s parks and recreation facilities.” That shared vision seems relatively simple, at least from feedback notes. Most just want more trails (41 percent of surveyed) and more swimming pools (39 percent), or just rec centers that are “well maintained.” And they’re willing to pay for the upgrade: two thirds said they’d back a levy to up the city’s $57 million parks and rec budget. And for some, the fix was right in front of the city’s face. What, the survey asked a kids’ workshop, do you like about your park? “It has a Pool,” one respondent wrote. What do you dislike about your park? “It is not open.” What’s your design idea to make it better? “We can ask to fix the pool.” Another round of engagement sessions will take place in the spring, the plan’s website said. The resulting master plan should be released to the public this summer. – Mark Oprea

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

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“THIS JOB HARDENS YOU. IT MOLDS YOU.” Bibb on what he’s learned and still hopes to do midway through what he hopes won’t be his only term in office By Douglas Trattner IN THE TWO YEARS SINCE he was sworn into office on the steps of 601 Lakeside, Mayor Justin Bibb has run a policy marathon to try and accomplish some of his hopes of making Cleveland a “modern” American city. He’s helped usher in new efforts at police accountability, pushed for walkable streets legislation, and championed a lakefront rehab that could actually be built. (Or, in Bibb’s mind, will be built.) A lot has changed, including the man himself: The Bibb from the campaign trail is different in many ways than the one sitting in office now. He’s just beginning to crystallize not only what he can truly do as an executive for Cleveland but also who he is as an executive. And we are constantly witnessing multiple versions: the suited, data-obsessed strategist—Bibb speaks often in numbered bullet points and business jargon—and the swaggering stoic with undying adoration for his hometown. “This job hardens you,” Bibb told Scene Thursday afternoon, sitting cross-legged in an end chair in City Hall’s Red Room. “It molds you, and it humanizes you in a way that you can’t plan for when you’re running for office. And I think over the last few years, I’ve been more comfortable in allowing my humanity to show up.” This interview has been edited for length and clarity. *** SCENE: You came into this job fresh from a world of finance strategy and development consulting. After two years, how has this seat changed your opinion of what City Hall can and can’t do? BIBB: Well, I certainly think coming out of the pandemic, the role of the mayor has changed, where people expect far more from their mayor than they historically have ever had to before. America’s mayors were on the front lines of the Covid-19 response. America’s mayors were on the front lines of responding to the tragic murder of George Floyd. And now we are on the front lines of, in many ways, restoring democracy at the

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local level, restoring the economic vitality of our respective cities, and being a voice of reason when you have extreme MAGA Republicans in both Columbus and D.C., and this hyperpartisan nature of our body politics driving so much misinformation and so little trust in government. And even as you think about the lack of real action we’ve gotten from lawmakers in Columbus and in Washington, D.C., around common sense gun reform, again, we are the ones bearing the brunt of gun violence across the country. And so not only do we have to show our ability to get stuff done, but we have to be in position to bring people together. And so in many ways, I think the role is bigger than I anticipated. SCENE: Speaking of George Floyd, you’ve put a focus on Issue 24 and the Community Police Commission. Since then, there’s been some growing pains, if you could call it that, some difficulties. Where do you see Issue 24 now? BIBB: I’d say over the last two years, it’s still in its infancy stage in terms of creating a strong foundation. And I’ve said this often before, democracy is messy. Our constitution is a living document. The city charter is a living document, and it’s a work in progress. In the second half of my term, I’ll be spending a lot more time with the members of the commission and making sure that we continue to appoint the right people who believe in my common sense approach to this dual mandate I have as mayor: effective, constitutionallyappropriate policing, but aggressive law enforcement to keep Clevelander safe and secure. But we have a long way to go. SCENE: You yourself have observed a lot of natural tension between the executive branch and the legislative branch. I don’t think it’s been excessive, but there have been a few points of tension between you and [Council President] Blaine Griffin. And I think you yourself said that it’s just natural. And Blaine agrees with

| clevescene.com | January 17 - 30, 2024

you. Where are you at now with the Council President? BIBB: I don’t envy the Council President and his job. He’s got a hard job, and I think he has done a really great job of being a voice of moderation and a voice of reason amongst the 17 members of City Council. I would be concerned if we agreed on everything. It’s important that we don’t agree on everything, because that’s what government is all about. We both bring our best ideas to the table, and we try to find compromise that fits the interest that we’re trying to serve for our residents every single day. SCENE: The recent article in the Washington Post revolved around the successes of Public Square and Euclid Avenue. But what about Burke? BIBB: The Master Plan for the Lakefront should be done by, I believe, the end of January. It’s 90 percent complete. SCENE: Can you talk about it? BIBB: Yeah. Listen. I’m the first mayor in history to do two studies to examine the impact of Burke closing. I’m waiting for those studies to inform our administration’s point of view around that. That’s a long term question we need to answer. But in the short term, here’s what we’re focused on. Number one, my plan is all about our Shore To Core strategy for the city and for the region. How do we truly become one of the only two waterfront cities in America, with the work we’re doing with Dan Gilbert and Bedrock at the riverfront, a nearly $4 billion plan to the work we intend to do with the Haslams, the Great Lakes Science Center and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and upkeep stakeholders for the lakefront. We’re going to be in D.C. a whole lot in the first part of this year— SCENE: Thanks for telling us now. BIBB: —talking to ‘Mayor’ Pete [Buttigieg] and the administration about all the infrastructure dollars we want to apply for. And we’ll be narrowing more streets in the urban core of Downtown.

SCENE: Like Superior Avenue? BIBB: Yeah. Everything’s on the table, right? SCENE: What about retail? Cities like Washington, D.C., and Portland, Oregon, have laws that punish property owners or developers for not building or maintaining active ground-floor spaces. What can you do though, as mayor? BIBB: Well, we’ve already moved forward with, number one, our TOD transit management policy, where we are eliminating parking requirements in high transit frequency areas. SCENE: Yeah, but that’s parking. BIBB: Eliminating parking minimums in high-transit-frequency areas is a key part of that plan. Two, our Complete and Green Streets ordinance is all about making sure that many of our streets are more walkable with more protected bike lanes all across the city. As you know, this year we’re kicking off, for the first time since 2007, a citywide Mobility Plan to ensure we can have more protected bike lanes all across the city. And then thirdly, I would also say, like we did on Market Street in Ohio City, we’re going to close more streets. SCENE: Which ones? BIBB: Stay tuned. But we’re going to close four to five more this year. SCENE: Could we guess what they are? BIBB: Probably. SCENE: On the subject, @ ThinkerBrian from Twitter/X asks, ‘When will we get more protected lanes? And can we experiment with simple, inexpensive protection solutions as an alternative?’ BIBB: Well, we already have experimented. You see the new bike lane plastic protectors we put up on Lorain Ave. We’re going to be putting more up on Detroit Shoreway. We just actually did a contract for more of those. And those should be installed, I believe, later this spring, early this


Mark Oprea

summer. Unfortunately, I can’t flip a switch overnight, and have more protected bike lanes. Because as a city, for a long time, we didn’t have a focused effort and a focused strategy around this.

overnight. And so it’s our intention to break ground after the solar eclipse this spring. And hopefully by the end of the year we’ll see an end to the Jersey barriers in Cleveland.

SCENE: We hear that all the time: ‘Why can’t Bibb just put in a bike lane? Why can’t Bibb just remove the Jersey barriers?’ What do you say to those people? BIBB: Yeah. The first thing I would say being on this side of the table is very different than being on Twitter. There’s a lot that goes into getting hard things done, getting support from City Council, raising the capital to finance these efforts, procuring the goods and services and the equipment we need in a very complicated supply chain environment coming out of the pandemic. All those things take time. Now, did I want to remove the Jersey barriers in my first day in office? Absolutely, I did. But here’s what we discovered: there were millions of dollars of damage done to our infrastructure and utilities underground.

SCENE: Yay. And could we ever see the Square closed to buses? BIBB: Public Square has so much untapped potential as a front door. We’re in active conversations with JACK Casino, Bedrock, the RTA and other key stakeholders about how we can activate that space better, and what’s the future strategy for Public Square. And there could be a scenario where all buses are redirected from Public Square to a new transit center. Whether that be at Bedrock in Tower City or on the lakefront— who knows. But all options are on the table.

SCENE: Really? BIBB: Yes. That undermined our ability to remove the barriers

SCENE: Let’s get out of Public Square for a second. Your campaign was in part focused on the southeast side. You hired strategist Marvin Owens to tackle issues there, mainly with housing. At the end of your term, if you don’t meet your own expectations for the southeast side, do you consider yourself coming short?

BIBB: [Smiling] Well, I have high expectations, so I’m never going to exceed them. But I will say this. We have deployed an all-of-government approach in a way that the city has never seen to address the historical lack of disinvestment we’ve seen in the southeast side; and our $50 million ARPA investment is only a down payment of what it’s going to take to truly transform that part of the city. Number one, we had a major public safety surge with law enforcement over the past summer to address violent crime in the southeast side. (Yesterday, we did a major cleanup, with 56 violent criminals arrested.) But in addition to that, over the summer we did a major surge with the U.S. attorney, the ATF and U.S. Marshal Service. We also had a major public works cleanup. We’ve already demolitioned many homes. And starting this year we’ll be deploying grants as part of our small business initiative, putting real money on the street around home repair and home rehab. SCENE: Two-and-a-half years ago, you stood on the steps of a house managed by Holton-Wise, and you’ve kind of announced— what would you call it?—a

rivalry between you and these shady property managers and out-of-state investors. Where do you see yourself now in this fight? BIBB: Well, we are in the throes of that fight. The other weapon we just deployed was legislation that we introduced last year, Residents First. That’s going to do a couple of things. Number one, create a local law to make sure that every outof-state LLC investor has a local public agent that we can hold in court accountable for any predatory practices or any derelict violations they may have on their properties. Secondly, it’s going to give our Building & Housing Department more tools of accountability to hold these predatory landlord and zombie LLCs accountable. And thirdly, it gives us a broad mandate now to have potentially a Point of Sale inspection for vacant property. This is one of the most comprehensive pieces of legislation around housing we’ve ever seen in the city. I’m hopeful and optimistic that City Council will actually hear this legislation and pass this legislation at some point early this year. SCENE: Some point this year? BIBB: Some point this year.

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Mark Oprea

SCENE: What about you? You live downtown, you go see Chris Rock at the Playhouse, you go salsa dancing, you’re out dating—you’re out living this life. BIBB: I live the city that I love, right? SCENE: But how much of that can we assume informs your policy? BIBB: Absolutely, it does. And it’s not just when I’m downtown, in my neighborhood. It’s at my uncle’s house where my grandmother raised my family, or when I’m at church, or when I’m at a friend’s place on the East Side or the West Side. Anytime I have a chance to talk to a resident, I ask them a couple of questions: How you doing? What’s going on on your street? And how can I help? That’s the best poll I can get in terms of how we’re doing at City Hall. SCENE: A lot of city employees, if not the majority of city employees, live outside of the city they work for. I mean, what does that say to you about Cleveland? BIBB: I don’t know those figures. This is largely due to the fact that the state of Ohio, through the Ohio Supreme Court, ruled that to be a City of Cleveland employee, you no longer have to live in the city of Cleveland. Again, I would say we want to be a city of choice for our employees and for our residents, as well. We were ranked by Zillow as one of the top ten hottest housing

markets in the country. And so I think that speaks to the growing excitement, and the growing interest in the brand and the product we are building for our city coming out of the pandemic. SCENE: The city is a business. BIBB: The city is a business, you have to grow. We have to grow our economy. We have to grow jobs. We have to grow our population. And you can’t do that by sitting on the sidelines doing business as usual. SCENE: A personal question. Observing you for two years, and a little more than that on the campaign trail, we’ve seen you loosen up more as a speaker. You seem more relaxed, a bit more off-the-cuff. BIBB: That’s a fair observation. SCENE: How do you feel at the podium now? BIBB: I will say it was a hard transition from candidate to mayor. When you’re a candidate, you feel as if every word matters. You are trained to stay on message all the time. And I was a really disciplined candidate. I think that’s what allowed me to win the campaign, particularly as a first-time candidate for an executive office. I did what I was told. But in this job now, going into my third year, I have a better sense of who I am in the job because of what I have experienced in the job, the challenges that I had to experience as a leader, whether it’s finding the energy and the empathy to be with

the Bartek family after [CPD Officer] Shane Bartek was murdered, to be with the family of [Officer] Johnny Tetrick when he was killed in line of duty, to being on the scene the afternoon after the mass shooting we experienced last summer. This job hardens you. It molds you, and it humanizes you in a way that you can’t plan for when you’re running for office. And I think over the last few years, I’ve been more comfortable in allowing my humanity to show up. To me, that’s all about maturing as a leader, maturing as an executive, and knowing what my strengths are, and knowing where I need help and support, and really relying on those strengths to guide how I lead.

BIBB: My new favorite coffee shop is Lekko. My new favorite restaurant is Poppy in Larchmere. SCENE: You were the face of Cleveland Reads last year. Best book as of late? BIBB: Atomic Habits by James Clear. It’s really good. SCENE: Oh, and speaking of last year, you and Kid Cudi had a conversation about the Moon Man’s Landing festival that never happened. There was no application? BIBB: They didn’t apply for a permit. SCENE: Anything going to come of that this summer? BIBB: I’d love to have Kid Cudi and his crew do a dope concert. I don’t know yet. I got to check with his team.

SCENE: Do you work differently two years in? BIBB: I still want more time to process information. This job requires a lot of 15 minute-, 30 minute-meetings where you’re making decisions. I’ve instructed my team to give me more time to process information, to really connect the dots regarding small issues and big issues, and how they intersect. Secondly, I can never be in the community enough, and so really prioritizing more time with unscripted visits to coffee shops, barbershops, salons, churches, grocery stores, parks. Just talking to folks.

SCENE: Yes. BIBB: I’d take a gummy with you. How’s that?

SCENE: Any favorites you’ve been to?

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

SCENE: Last question. Weed is legal in Ohio now. Would you smoke with us? BIBB: Would I smoke with you? [Laughs wildly.]

SCENE: Oh, really? BIBB: Yeah, well, I got to find somewhere to buy some. The state’s got to get it together first.

January 3 - 16, 2024 | clevescene.com |

13


GET OUT WED

Everything to do in Cleveland for the next two weeks 01/17

Cavs vs. Milwaukee Bucks Led by star center Giannis Antetokounmpo, the Milwaukee Bucks, one of the NBA’s top teams, come to Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse tonight at 7:30 to take on the Cavs. 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

Mrs. Doubtfire Based on the film of the same name and directed by four-time Tony Awardwinner Jerry Zaks, this musical centers on an out-of-work actor who will do anything for his kids. Rob McClure will reprise his Tony-nominated Broadway performance alongside co-star (and real wife) Maggie Lakis. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30 at Connor Palace, where performances continue through Jan. 28. 1615 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

Prokofiev 2 & 5 At 7:30 tonight and tomorrow night, the Cleveland Orchestra plays these two very different works by the Russian composer and pianist. Franz Welser-Möst conducts. 11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.

THU

01/18

Ron White You won’t get any nonsense from straight-talking, hard-drinking comic Ron White, who appears tonight at 8 at MGM Northfield Park — Center Stage. White, who rose to fame on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, embraces a redneck sensibility. A classic storyteller, he regularly talks about growing up in a small town in Texas. The guy’s sold over 14 million albums (solo and with the Blue Collar Comedy Tour); he’s also been nominated for two Grammys. 10705 Northfield Rd., Northfield, 330-908-7793, mgmnorthfieldpark. mgmresorts.com/en.html.

FRI

and 7:30 p.m. 2067 East 14th St., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

Paula Poundstone This funny comedian can be heard weekly as the host of her comedy podcast, Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. She’s also a regular panelist on NPR’s comedy news quiz show, Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me! She performs tonight at 6:30 at the Kent Stage. 175 E. Main St., Kent, 330-677-5005, kentstage.org.

Third Friday From 5 to 9 p.m., many of the 78th Street Studios resident artist studios and galleries will be open as part of this monthly event. There will be live music, and Local West, a Gordon Square sandwich shop, will serve food. BARneo will have a selection of adult beverages as well. Admission is free. 1300 West 78th St., 78thstreetstudios. com.

SAT

Paul Taylor Dance Company The dance troupe is slated to perform 1978’s Airs alongside brand new works such as Amy Hall Garner’s Somewhere in the Middle. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30 at the Mimi Ohio Theatre. 1511 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

SUN

01/21

Nimesh Patel A comedian and Emmy-nominated writer based in New York, Nimish Patel has performed standup comedy for more than ten years now. A regular at New York’s famed Comedy Cellar, he’s appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers and has opened for Chris Rock and Aziz Ansar. He performs tonight at 7:30 at the Mimi Ohio Theatre. 1511 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

01/19 TUE

Men Are from Mars —Women Are from Venus LIVE!

01/20

01/23

Lyrical Rhythms Open Mic and Chill

This long-running open mic night at the B Side allows some of the city’s best This recently updated off-Broadway rappers and poets to strut their stuff. hit returns to town as part of a tour The event begins at 8 with a comedy celebrating its tenth anniversary. Tonight’s performance takes place session dubbed 2 Drinks & a Joke | | clevescene.com January 17 30, 2024 at 7:30 at the Hanna Theatre, where with host Ant Morrow. The open mic 14 performances continue tomorrow at 2 performances begin at 10 p.m. Tickets

Comedian Paula Poundstone comes to the Kent Stage. See: Friday, Jan. 19.| Courtesy of Eve Sadof/Cyberlaff Inc.

cost $5 in advance, $10 at the door. 2785 Euclid Heights Blvd.,

Cleveland Heights, 216-932-1966, bsideliquorlounge.com.


WED

01/24

Alla Boara Led by drummer and composer Anthony Taddeo, this local group makes modern arrangements of near-extinct folk songs. The band, which just released a new album, performs tonight at 7:30 at Cleveland Museum of Art. 11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.

Monsters vs. Toronto Marlies Tonight at 7 at Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse, the Toronto Marlies come to town for a rare mid-week game against the Monsters. 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

THU

01/25

Sam Tallent This comedian has been featured on Comedy Central’s Roast Battle, VICELAND’s Flophouse and The Chris Gethard Show. He performs tonight at 7 at Hilarities, where he has shows scheduled through Saturday. 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.

FRI

01/26

The Breakfast at the Bookstore Set in 1973 in Cleveland, The Breakfast at the Bookstore centers on the Black liberation movement and a young woman’s journey of love and independence. Dot, a “spirited and fearless” individual whose passion for activism propels her to open a revolutionary bookstore in contrast to her common-law husband, a former Black nationalist, who finds solace in a life detached from the fervor of activism. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30 at Karamu’s Cleveland Foundation Jelliffe Theatre. Performances continue through Feb. 18. 2355 East 89th St., 216-795-7070, karamuhouse.org.

opera based on the experiences of Colonel Floyd James “Jim” Thompson, America’s longest-held prisoner of war, who was held for nine years in Vietnam. 11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.

SUN

01/28

Jokes on You Inspired by crowd work clinicians like Dave Attell, Ian Bagg and Big Jay Oakerson, Jokes on You makes the audience the center of the show by “pushing comics to avoid prepared material or written jokes and instead focus on organic interaction with the audience,” as it’s put in a press release about this event, which takes place tonight at 7 at Hilarities. John Bruton and Jimmie Graham host the event. 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.

MON

01/29

Cavaliers vs. Los Angeles Clippers The Los Angeles Clippers picked up some additional offensive firepower earlier this season when they traded for former Philadelphia 76er James Harden. The team has thrived with him in the lineup, and the Clippers should prove to be a formidable opponent for the Cavs. The two teams play tonight at 7 at Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse. 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

TUE

01/30

The Cher Show Three different actresses portray the pop icon and actress Cher in this Tony Award-winning musical of her story. Performances take place tonight and tomorrow night at 7:30 at E.J. Thomas Hall in Akron. 198 Hill St., Akron, 330-972-7570, ejthomashall.com.

Mamma Mia!

CIM Opera Theater: Cipullo’s Glory Denied

This smash-hit musical features ABBA’s greatest hits, including classics like “Dancing Queen,” “S.O.S,” “Super Trooper,” “Take a Chance on Me” and “The Winner Takes It All,” along with “an enchanting tale of love, laughter and friendship.” The musical even spawned a commercially successful film. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30 at Connor Palace, where shows continue through Feb. 4. 1615 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

At 3 p.m. today and tomorrow at the Cleveland Museum of Art, CIM’s Opera Theater program presents a performance of Tom Cipullo’s chamber

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

Monsters vs. Hartford Wolf Pack At 7 tonight and tomorrow night, the Monsters take on the Hartford Wolf Pack at Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse. 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

SAT

01/27

January 3 - 16, 2024 | clevescene.com |

15


PARTICIPATING RESTAURANTS

January 3 - 16, 2024 | clevescene.com |

16


Tri-C® Performing Arts presents

CHRISTIAN McBRIDE

The Movement Revisited Saturday, Feb. 10, 2024 7:30 p.m. Maltz Performing Arts Center 1855 Ansel Road (University Circle)

Eight-time Grammy Award-winning bassist, bandleader and host of NPR’s Jazz Night in America Christian McBride presents his acclaimed opus, The Movement Revisited, in an epic concert honoring five Civil Rights icons: Rosa Parks, Malcolm X, Muhammad Ali, Martin Luther King Jr. and former President Barack Obama. TICKETS: $35 For more information, scan QR code or visit tri-c.edu/tricpresents.

23-0899

January 3 - 16, 2024 | clevescene.com |

17


PIEROGI WEEK CLEVELAND OFFICIAL CLEVELAND PIEROGI OFFICIAL PIEROGI WEE Beerhead Flats

ECKY’S BAR

GREAT LAKES BREWING COMPANY

Forest City Brewing

JUKEBOX

VE O M

beerheadbar.com | 1156 W 11th St., forestcitybrewery.com | 2135 Columbus Rd., Cleveland, OH 44113 Cleveland, OH 44113 ckysbar.com BBQ PIEROGI POTATO &jukeboxcle.com CHEESE PIEROGI greatlakesbrewing.com Potato Pierogi/ Shredded BBQ Beef/ Crispy Onions 3 Sophie’s Natural Potato and Cheddar Pierogi 62 E 18th St, Cleveland 2516CHICKEN Market Ave, Cleveland BACON RANCH PIEROGI topped with1404 sauteed served with a side of Wonions, 29th St, Cleveland Potato Pierogi/ Diced Chicken/ Crispy Bacon/ sour cream. Cheddar Cheese/ Green Onions/ Ranch otato and cheddar pierogies sautéed in real butter, served with PIEROGI PIZZA 3 pierogi topped with pulled pork, red cabbage, sautéed onions, amelized onions and sour cream. Additional options: Grilled Chipotle braised chicken, black bean, cheddar Potato/ Chopped Garlic/ Cheddar/ Mozzarella/ shrooms, Kielbasa, Chopped Steak, Sirloin Steak mozzarella cheese, and a Christmas Ale gravy Green Onions SOUR, CREAM, ARUGULA, AND BALSAMIC gunselmans.com | 21490 Lorain Ave., FairPIEROGI Mashed potato, |farmer’s cheese, cheddar, view Park, OH 44126 Gunselman’s To-Goonion Potato Pierogi/ Sour Cream/ Balsamic 3 pierogi topped with short ribs, sautéedARUGULA/ onions, horseradish cream sauce, (21800 Center Ridge Rd., Rocky River, OH) Glaze 49tavern.us | 4129 E 49th St., Cuyahoga and a demi-glace POTATO & CHEESE PIEROGI Heights, OH 44105 Our every day pierogi is the Pierogi Lady Potato & Mashed potato, bacon, cheddar, chive, onion POTATO AND CHEESE PIEROGI Cheese served with grilled onions and sour cream. erheadbar.com/cleveland-ohio 3 Authentic, homemade pierogi stuffed with potato CHEESEBURGER PIEROGI 56 W 11th Street,and Cleveland cheese, topped with green onions. Served with3 pierogi topped with vegetable gravy, sautéed onions, mozzarella Ground beef, potato, cheddar, onion, and pickle in sour cream. cheese,crowleysdive.com and vegetable patty crumbles a Pierogi Lady Pierogimushroom, served with a side of Gunny | 35647 Vine St., Eastlake, Portobello classic caraway kraut (V) Burger Sauce. OH 44095 B ato and cheese pierogies topped with creamy Spinach & Artichoke SMASH BURGER PIEROGI diced tomatoes and Parmesan cheese garnish the top B Ground beef, government cheese, bacon, with Mashed sweet potato, black bean, chipotle spice (V Crowley’s burger sauce drizzle.

JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4, 2024 PULLED PORK POUTINE PIEROGI NKA’S POTATO & CHEDDAR PIEROGIES

SPICY CHICKEN (LIMITED QUANTITY)

POTATO CHEESE Gunselman’s Tavern

SHORT RIB PIEROGI

49th Street Tavern

EERHEAD BAR & EATERY-CLE FLATS

POTATO BACON

VEGGIE POUTINE PIEROGI

INACH & ARTICHOKE DIP PIEROGI

All Saints Public House GUNSELMAN’S TAVERN DITERRANEAN PIEROGI allsaintspublichouse.com | 1261 W 76th St.,

ato and cheese pierogies topped withOH basil44102 pesto, balsamic drizzle, Cleveland, mbled bacon, and Parmesan cheese PIEROGI’S PAPRIKASH

MUSHROOM KRAUT (SPECIAL - LIMITED

Crowley’s Dive Bar

SWEET POTATO BLACK BEAN

M

BUFFALO Hail Mary’s FoodCHICKPEA and Drink

B gunselmans.com 21490 Lorain Rd, Fairview Park

hailmaryswestlake.com | 27828 Center Ridge MashedOH chickpea, Rd., Westlake, 44145hot sauce, tahini (V) Three potato and 3-cheese pierogi, boiled and pan THREE CHEESE PIEROGI sautéed with butter. Served on a bed of our famous 7 of our three cheese pierogies, deep fried, and dshrestaurant.com | 5728 Pearl Rd., Parma, house made Paprikash gravy. Topped off with sour tossed in fresh chopped garlic, and melted butters, OH 44129 Potato & cheese pierogi sautéed in butter and topped with grilled onions. cream and fresh chives. Add Ons: topped with sauteed onions, parmesan, and parsley. POTATO & CHEESE PIEROGI – Paprika roasted chicken thighs $7 Same way Meta Gunselman served&them herepierogi, in 1936 served Served with a side of sour cream. Three Haus’ made potato cheese – Smoked All Beef Kielbasa $6 with grilled onions and sour cream. usttremont.com B marketgardenbrewery.com – Cheddar Bratwurst $7 Hungarian Bratwurst $7 58 Professor Ave,–Cleveland

RUST O

Das Schnitzel THE PIEROGI LADY OGHaus

MARKET GARDEN BREWERY

THE PIEROGI LADY STUFFED CABBAGE PIEROGI

The best of both worlds. Everything you love about stuffed cabbage

ROGI ALL’ARRABBIATA

stuffed into a pierogi (which you love). Served with a side of Chef

ogi all’Arrabbiata, Bacon, Sour Cream

Around the Corner

ZZA PIEROGI

Flat Iron Cafe

Bubsey’s red sauce flatironcafe.com | 1114 Center St., Cleveland,

atccafe.com | 18616 Detroit Ave., Lakewood,

ogi, Bacon, Caramelized Onions, Cheddar, Sour Cream, Roasted Garlic OH 44107

OH 44113 POWERHOUSE PIEROGIES 3 potato and cheddar filled, handmade pierogies topped with cheddar cheese and sauteed onions.

GUNSELMAN’S TO GO

POTATO AND CHEESE PIEROGI 3 Potato and cheese pierogi, served with sauteed onions, and a side of sour cream. B gunselmans.com

AS SCHNITZEL HAUS

1947 W 25th St, Cleveland

Immigrant Son Brewing CLASSIC PIEROGI

immigrantsonbrewing.com | 18120 Sloan Ave., Lakewood, OH 44107 Onion, scallion, cheddar Pierogi’s CHICKEN PAPRIKAS PIEROGI House-made pierogi with chicken paprikas filling, pan-fried with butter, topped with scallions and crème fraiche.

NANO BREW

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nanobrewcleveland.com

21800 Center Ridge Rd, Rocky River Great Lakes *To go orders only*Brewing Co.

hrestaurant.com greatlakesbrewing.com | 2516 Market Ave., Aviator Event Center and Pub Cleveland, OH OG 44113 THE PIEROGI LADY 28 Pearl Rd, Parma aviatorcle.com | 20920 Brookpark Rd., Cleve-

W 25th St, Cleveland Jukebox 1859 Cleveland

jukeboxcle.com | 1404 W 29th St., Cleveland, OH 44113 BAHN MI PIEROGI PIZZA-ROGI land, OH 44135 Chorizo chedder pierogiProvolone, nano cheese sauce scallio Potato Homemade & cheese pierogi sautéed in potato butter and topped with grilled cheddar and pierogi topped with onions. 3 Pierogi stuffed with Pepperoni, MozzaPIEROGIES & KIELBASA shredded pork, pickled jalapenos, lime crema, and rella, Marinara, Oregano Dough. Served w/ side of us’ made from scratch potato and cheese Local potato and pierogi cheese pierogies, caramelized Same way Meta Gunselman served them here in 1936 cilantro Marinara. onion, grilled kielbasa, pickled red cabbage, sour SAUSAGE PIEROGI POTATO CHEESE cream, and chives. Homemade cheddar and potato pierogi, topped with 3 Pierogies stuffed with mashed potato, Farmer’s The bestanofOhio both worlds. Everything you love about stuffed cabbage Cheese, Cheddar, and Onion. City Provisions Dortmunder Gold sausage, B sour cream. POTATO BACON noraspublichouse.net stuffed sauerkraut, into a pierogiand (which you love). Served with a side of Chef TOFU PIEROGI 3 Pierogies stuffed with mashed potato, bacon, chedBubsey’s red sauce cheddar and potato pierogi topped with Homemade dar, chive, 4054 and onion. Erie St, Willoughby fried tofu, caramelized onions, and sour cream. SWEET POTATO BLACK BEAN bantercleveland.com | 3441 Tuttle Rd., 4144 Erieblack St bean, Chipotle Spice. Mashed sweet potato, Shaker Hts., OH 44122 | 5228 Detroit Ave., erollhouse.com BUFFALO CHICKPEA PIEROGI Cleveland, OH 44102 Mashed chickpea, hotsauce, and Tahini CHICKEN 859 Brookpark Rd, ParmaPAPRIKASH PIEROGI

CHORIZO CHEDDAR PIEROGIES

TATO AND CHEESE

THE PIEROGI LADY STUFFED CABBAGE PIEROGI

CK AND ALICE SAUSAGE AND PIEROGIES

NORA’S PUBLIC HOUSE O M

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Three potato and cheese pierogies topped with

HAIL MARY’S FOOD & DRINK

OM

chicken paprikash, sour cream, and hailmaryswestlake.com ON OVER PARMAhouse-made paprika.

r braised pierogies, pepperkraut, crispy bacon and flaming hot cheeto

EDDAR AND POTATO

B

Potato B Stuffed, Caramelized Onion Guinness Gravy

27828 Center Ridge Rd, Westlake

Irish Banger Sausage

Our three cheese pierogies are deep fried, tossed in fresh chopped garlic

OLD RIVER TAP AND SOCIAL

THREE CHEESE PIEROGIES

amy mashed potato mixed with a melted soft cheddar cheese

PiEROGI Week Key

TATO, CHEDDAR AND JALAPENO

amy mashed potato mixed with a soft cheddar cheese and a kick of peno

clevescene.com January 17 - 30, 2024 TATO,18 CHEDDAR AND BACON |

IRISH PIEROGIES

|

and melted butter, topped with sautéed onions, parmesan, and parsley,

Gluten-Free

and served with a side of sour cream. #OhHailYeah Options

IMMIGRANT SON BREWING

O

Vegetarian oldrivertapandsocial.com VE Vegan Options Options 19245 Beach Cliff Blvd, Rocky River

BRISKET PIEROGI


LOCATIONS EKWEEK LOCATIONS Nora’s Public House

PIEROGIES OF CLEVELAND

VE

O

36 DIFFERENT PIEROGI FLAVORS TO CHOOSE FROM

B Your choice of 3 different flavors of pierogi. If you would like more then 3,

Old River Tap and Social

Terra Bistro

TERRA BISTRO

PIEROGI WEEK SPECIAL

3 cheese pierogis tossed in garlic chive butter served with sour cream and

The Wild Goose

tapandsocial.com | 19245 Detroit Rd., Rocky thats no problem - each additional pierogi is $1.75. Pick as many flavors caramelized onions River, OH 44116 wildgoosewlby.com | 4144 Erie St., Willoughby, OH 44094 BRISKET PIEROGI therowleyinn.com | 1104 Rowley Ave., Cleveas you want to try! Served with carmalized onions and sour cream House made brisket & cheese, with caramelized land, OH 44113 THE MURPHY A twist on our Murphy Pizza! Stuffed with mashed onions and chive sour cream. BUFFALO ROGI POTATO PIEROGI 3 Pierogi Lady 4 cheese potato pierogi tossed in your potato, bacon, and cheese. Topped with caramelized House made potato and cheddar, with caramelized choice of wing sauce: Mild, Buffalo, Jalapeno Buffaonions and a sour cream drizzle. onions and chive sour cream. lo, Habanero Buffalo (+.50), Ghost Pepper Buffalo B +$1, Garlic Parm) Served over house made kraut, topped w/ sautueed onions & side of sour cream. 36495 Vine Street Unit H, Willoughby 4 CHEESE POTATO aviatorcle.com 3 Sauteed Pierogi Lady 4 cheese poato pierogi served over house made kraut, topped w/20920 sauteed Brookpark Rd, Cleveland poconlinestore.com |Choose 4131 from W Streetsboro tonyks.com | 841 W Bagley Rd., Berea, OH onion & a side Over 20 Different Pierogi Varieties. Callof or sour Stop cream. In for a List Rd., Richfield, OH 44286 44017 VE 36 DIFFERENT FLAVORS TO CHOOSE BUFFALO CHICKEN PIEROGI of Available Flavors. FROM 1/2 Dozen Pierogies for $8.00 Your choice of 3 different flavors of Pierogi. If you’d Pierogies stuffed with shredded chicken, cream Local potato andcheese, cheese pierogies, caramelized onion, grilled kielbasa, like more that 3, that’s no problem- each additional and buffalo sauce. Topped with sauteed pierogi is $1.75 a piece. Pick as many flavors as you onions and served with ranch. pickled sour cream, want to try. POTATO AND chives CHEDDAR schnitzalebrewery.com | 5729 Pearl Rd., red cabbage, Pierogies Stuffed with Potato and Cheddar Cheese. Parma, OH 44129 Topped with Sautéed Onions and Served with Sour SMOTHERED PIEROGI Cream. 3 Made from scratch potato and cheese pierogi, pizza216.com smothered in our signature bier cheese, topped with bacon, and chives. 401 Euclid Avenue Suite 163, Cleveland clepierogi.com | 36495 Vine St., Willoughby, CLASSIC PIEROGI 100 Lakeside Avenue East, Cleveland OH 44094 Three Haus’ made potato & cheese pierogi, served 1/2 DOZEN PIEROGI with grilled onions and sour cream. Choose from over 20 different pierogi varieties. Call crema! Potato and Cheddar with chive westparkstation.com | 17015 Lorain Ave., or stop in for a list of available flavors. Rudy’s Bakery potato & cheddar pierogies Cleveland, OH 44111with lemon sour cream, VE IRISH PIEROGI caramelized onions and chivesCorned Beef & Mashed Potato Pierogies, 3 Cabbage, topped with Sauerkraut, served with Horseradish siblingrevelrybrewing.com | 29305 Clemens Cream. Rd., Westlake, OH 44145 pizza216menu.com |schnitzalebrewery.com 401 Euclid Ave., CleveCLASSIC PIEROGI PLATTER TRADITIONAL PIEROGI land, OH 44114 3 Potato & Cheddar Pierogies, topped with CaraPierogi stuffed with potato and cheese. POTATO AND ONION PIEROGI 5729 Pearl Rd, Parma melized Onions, served with Sour Cream and Apple 3 Pierogi stuffed with potato and cheddar cheese, Sauce. with chive crema. wildgoosewlby.com

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Pub Frato

noraspublichouse.net | 4054 Erie St., Wilpubfrato.com | 7548 Fredle Dr., Painesville, terrestrialbrewing.com | 7524 Father Frascati loughby, OH 44094 OH 44077 | 25 Pleasant Dr., Chagrin Falls, Ste A, Cleveland, OH 44102 IRISH PIEROGI OH 44022 PIEROGI 5 PACK pierogiesofcleveland.com terrestrialbrewing.com/terrabistro Potato stuffed, caramelized onion, and Guinness GraSHORT RIB PIEROGI Three cheese pierogies, creme fraiche, caramelized vy. Served with sliced Irish Banger Sausage. Potato and cheese pierogi, braised short rib, pickand chive. 4131 W Streetsboro Rd, Richfield 7524 Father onions, Frascati Dr, Cleveland led red onion, goat cheese, horseradish aioli, and B scallion.

THE AVIATOR EVENT CENTER & PUB OM

1/2 DOZEN PIEROGIES Pierogies of Cleveland

Tony K’s Bar & Grille

PIEROGIES AND KIELBASA

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OM

THE BURNHAM RESTAURANT

Pierogi Palace

POTATO AND ONION

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RUDY’S BAKERY POTATO CHEDDAR West Park &Station

Sibling Revelry Brewing Co. SCHNITZ ALE BREWERY

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PIEROGI AUF TOMATEN

Southern Brewing Made from scratch potato and cheese pierogis in a Tier house made tomato Co.

ons

Plank Road Tavernsauce, garnished with parsley

plankroadtavern.com | 16719 Detroit Ave., M Lakewood, OH 44107SMOTHERED PIEROGIES

THE MURPHY

CLASSIC POTATO AND CHEDDAR PIEROGI Made from scratch potato and cheese pierogis smothered Pan Seared Pierogi with Carmelized Onion and Sour Cream in signature bier cheese topped with bacon and chives

B

4144 Erie St, Willoughby

stbcbeer.com | 811 Prospect Ave. E, Cleveland, OH 44115 CRISPY JALAPENO & CHEESE PIEROGI 3 Crispy Jalapeno & Cheese Pierogi eith bacon, beer A twist on our Murphy Pizza! Stuffed with mashed potato, bacon and cheese, and scallions.

cheese. Topped with caramelized onions and a sour cream drizzle

Teamz Restaurant & Bar

teamzsportsbar.com | 6611 Eastland Rd., Middleburg Heights, OH 44130 TEAMZ OG - ROGI quinnsbayvillage.com | 25517 Eaton Way, Four classic potato and cheese pierogi’s. *Take-out Baywith Village, y, served Sliced OH 44140 siblingrevelrybrewing.com available with purchase of a beverage. SHORT RIB PIEROGI Short rib, with a mustard29305 ale cream sauce, and Clemens Rd,onion Westlake straws.

Quinn’s Kitchen and Bar REVELRY BREWING O SIBLING

OM

SRB PIEROGI

House-made potato and cheese stuffed pierogi, served with carmelized

Take-Outonion and sour cream Available

Special B Beer Available

SOUTHERN TIER BREWING CO

#clevelandpierogiweek PiEROGIWeekcleveland.com

PIEROGI WEEK KEY January 3 - 16, 2024 | clevescene.com |

Gluten-Free Option

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January 3 - 16, 2024 | clevescene.com |

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| clevescene.com | January 17 - 30, 2024


EAT PRIME, PLUS

Heritage Steak and Whiskey wines, dines and shines with style By Douglas Trattner HAVING DINED AT FLEMING’S Prime Steakhouse at Eton Chagrin Boulevard, trust me when I say that Heritage Steak & Whiskey, its successor, has completely flipped the script. The somber, heavy and dated décor, which had been the defining character of the space since Fleming’s opened in the early 2000s, has been jettisoned in favor of a more contemporary vibe. Owner Doug Petkovic took his time – nearly two years – in building a classically attractive space that should feel fresh for ages. An expensive new steakhouse on the east side of Cleveland is hardly plugging a gap in the local dining scene. But there is always room for an operator who does things better, different or both. As Michael Symon’s longtime business partner (though not on this project), Petkovic brings a level of service that comes from having worked at the highest levels of the industry for 40 years. His is an old-school hospitality approach that trickles down to every manager, server, bartender, food runner and busser. A wall of wine, not unlike the cellar that formed the backbar of Lola Bistro on East 4th Street, anchors the uncluttered dining room. If there is a labor shortage afflicting local restaurants, one wouldn’t know it by eating here, where white-jacketed staffers appear to outnumber diners. Order a special bottle of wine – say, a stunning Châteauneuf-du-Pape from the Rhône Valley ($200) – and Petkovic himself likely will open, decant it, and pour the first sip. Cocktails, like a spicy rye Manhattan ($18), arrive in the fine crystal glassware. Even in today’s challenging restaurant climate, pricey steakhouses appear immune from struggle. Despite a handful of highend steakhouses in the immediate area, Heritage has been packing people in since it opened in late November, proof that when you combine exceptional food, service

Doug Trattner

and setting, people respond. It’s also proof that, for many, there still is no better way to celebrate a big win than by slicing into a thick, beefy steak. When my center-cut ribeye ($75) arrived, I was taken aback by its aggressively charred appearance, a product of the wood- and charcoalfired grill. But that intensely blackened and seasoned exterior only managed to accentuate the bright-red core of tender, flavorful beef. In terms of “garnishes,” it’s tough to top the cylinder of roasted bone marrow that diners use to gild the lily. Pound for pound, though, the wagyu hangar steak ($45) might be the best deal on the menu, boosted in flavor by the subtle wood smoke. Other options include a filet, strip, bone-in ribeye and ribeye cap. Add-ons like the whisky peppercorn sauce ($5) or bearnaise ($5) are nonnegotiable. For non-steak eaters, executive chef Jeff Gable offers options like a double-bone pork chop, duck confit, seared tuna and linguini with clams. A juicy roasted half chicken ($28) is served on a thick slice of garlic bread and topped with a punchy

HERITAGE STEAK & WHISKEY

28869 CHAGRIN BLVD., ETON CHAGRIN, WOODMERE 216-508-4650, HERITAGESTEAKANDWHISKEY.COM pepper, olive and caper relish. The chef finds a way to make ubiquitous steakhouse sides like grilled asparagus ($14), potato gratin ($15) and roasted mushrooms ($14) stand out thanks to sharp technique while throwing in a few curveballs like creamy mustard greens ($13) and chili-spiked snap peas ($12). To begin, you can’t go wrong with the expertly shucked oysters ($18), chunky hangar-steak tartar ($18) or roasted shrimp ($20) with romesco sauce, though next time I’ll likely opt for the classic shrimp cocktail. Heritage’s wedge salad ($12) is a textural triumph, with layers of crisp iceberg, chewy lardons of bacon, and melt-in-your-mouth blue cheese. I expected an exceptional steakhouse experience at Heritage, but what I didn’t anticipate was the lively bar scene. A completely reimagined lounge area, separated from the dining room by a collection of the finest whiskies to exit a

barrel, has its own climate. Casual enough for a solo burger and a beer at the bar, but also perfect for a nightcap for two at one of the posh soft-seating areas. If the bottom bun was a wee bit sturdier, that burger ($20) – topped with a thin slice of pork belly, gouda and sauteed onions – would be among the city’s most satisfying. I’d get it again just for the thick, crisp steak fries. Watching the owner work the room one evening, I flashed back to a night 20 years prior, when Petkovic opened the doors to his first restaurant. Despite his best efforts, Theory in Tremont lasted just shy of two years. This go around, with another two decades of hospitality wisdom under Petkovic’s belt, the odds seem far better in his favor.

dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner

January 3 - 16, 2024 | clevescene.com |

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24

| clevescene.com | January 17 - 30, 2024


EAT BITES

Now open: Tost Sandwich Café in Tremont By Douglas Trattner ON FRIDAY, JANUARY 5, Tommy Karakostas quietly opened the doors to his third business, Tost Sandwich Café (2341 Scranton Rd.), which is located on the ground floor of the Scranton Avenue Carriage Works in Tremont. The café joins the nearly three-year-old original in Lakewood as well as Karakostas’ flagship eatery, the Greek Village, which is approaching its 15th birthday. “So far there’s been a great response,” Karakostas says. “Every day we sell more and more sandwiches.” Like the original, Tost in Tremont specializes in built-to-order sandwiches made from high-quality meats, cheeses and breads. All sandwiches are cooked in a panini press and served hot. The most popular – the Tommy Boy – features thin-sliced corned beef and roast beef topped with cheddar, peppered bacon, coleslaw, tomato and chipotle mayo layered into a choice of Mediterra Bakehouse bread. Those sandwiches are joined by two hot soups a day such as broccoli cheddar and chicken dumpling, deli salads, pastries and desserts, including housemade gelato. At 3,000 square feet, the café is larger than its Lakewood sibling. Karakostas is filling up that extra space with an expanded selection of retail food products to better serve the burgeoning neighborhood just outside the front door. In addition to deli meats and cheeses offered by the pound, Tost will stock essentials like bread, charcuterie, fine cheeses, pasta sauces, peanut butter and jelly, soft drinks, and carryout beer and wine. Karakostas is still waiting on his tables and chairs, so Tost is a standing- or carry-out only operation for the immediate future. When that furniture does arrive, there will be seating for about 36 guests. For now, Tost is open from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. every day. In a few weeks, when coffee and breakfast service is added, the doors will open

Doug Trattner

at 7 a.m. As for the long-awaited arrival of Greek Village Ohio City, Karakostas says it’s looking good for February. But the previously reported Tost project in Ohio City is officially dead, he says.

There’s a New Chef and Menu at Little Rose Tavern in West Park In November, John Hagerty completed his residency at the Little Rose Tavern in West Park, where he dished up a vegan menu under the name Green Kitchen. The chef decamped to open a restaurant of the same name in the Clark-Fulton neighborhood. Stepping in to fill the departing chef’s shoes at Little Rose is Trevor Fuhrmann, who had been Hagerty’s lieutenant for the last year. Now called, simply, “the kitchen at Little Rose” (14206 Lorain Ave., 216331-1441), the small but mighty restaurant just debuted its new menu. Naturally, there have been some adjustments. “We’re doing things a little bit differently,” Fuhrmann explains. “There are two meat options now. I’m still trying to keep the menu mostly vegan, but I wanted to have those out there to cater to more people.” Now, the smash burger and fried chicken sandwich are available in vegan and non-vegan form. Same with the new pasta dishes, which can be augmented with chicken. Starters include focaccia with vinaigrette, tostones with garlic sauce, and a chickpea and arugula salad. Fuhrmann says that he is still finding his footing, expanding the kitchen’s days of operation from weekends only to Thursday through

Sunday. Additional days likely will be added soon.

reinvent the wheel by any means, we just want to be your corner pizzeria and Italian restaurant.”

Now Open: Geraci’s Full-Service Italian Restaurant in Willoughby A little more than two months after announcing the project, Geraci’s is ready to open the doors to its latest venture: a full-service Italian restaurant in the heart of Willoughby. The home-grown pizzeria had been testing the waters, so to speak, with a slice shop in the same area, which debuted at The Yard on 3rd in 2022 and enjoyed two seasons there. “I look at the Yard as kind of an incubator for us to get our name out in that area,” explains owner Bucky Spoth. “We were probably less known than we expected, so it was great to get out there. They created something that’s unique to that area. We played right off that as the automatic food option.” Following the 2023 season, Geraci’s announced that it was trading in the slice shop for a sitdown eatery at 4127 Erie Street. The trim space can accommodate about 22 guests, but a new rear patio could more than double that. Unlike at the slice shop down the road, the new restaurant is more in line with a traditional Geraci’s restaurant. Diners can expect a full roster of classic dishes like lasagna, veal parmesan, chicken marsala and, of course, pizza. The restaurant offers take-out and delivery and a liquor license is in the works. “Willoughby is a beautiful city, the community is very tight-knit, and it has a lot of the qualities that we look for in terms of walkability and nightlife,” he adds. “We want to be a pillar of the community and to help out. We’re not trying to

Boss ChickNBeer Now Open in Cuyahoga Falls The wait is over for Boss ChickNBeer fans residing south of the turnpike. The Cuyahoga Falls location of this five-year-old wing biz opened last week. Situated at 1791 Front St., shop number four is located in a recently approved DORA district, which allows pedestrians to walk around with alcoholic beverages. “We are overwhelmed with the outpouring of support in our new Cuyahoga Falls community,” says owner Heather Doeberling. “Expanding to our first location outside of Cuyahoga County — it’s scary and exciting for the Boss Chicks. Summit County has shown they are more than ready for a healthy dose of Boss!” Doeberling and partner Emily Moes opened the first shop in Berea back in 2018. They have since added locations in Bay Village and Seven Hills. “Cuyahoga Falls is exactly the type of tight-knit community that the Boss Chicks look for when scouting new locations,” adds Doeberling. “Cuyahoga Falls felt like home from the very beginning and we are over joyed to be working with Testa Companies and their revitalization of the Downtown Cuyahoga Falls area.” The new restaurant is the largest of the bunch, with seating for 48 indoors and two dozen on the patio.

dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner

January 3 - 16, 2024 | clevescene.com |

25


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26


MUSIC FINDING HIS VOICE

Cleveland’s Cardio returns with a new album that arrives right on the heels of his debut By Jeff Niesel JUST ABOUT A YEAR AGO, Benjamin Rosolowski, who records and performs as Cardio, released his new album, The Source, a stirring collection of rock-inspired electronic music. Not one to rest on his musical laurels, the Cleveland DJ and producer has already written and recorded a new LP, Beautiful Static. It comes out on Friday, Jan. 26, and Cardio plays a release party that night at the Winchester in Lakewood. Thunder St. Clair, Chris Pulse, Joey Sardelle, L3ftonR3d and Lee Majors B2B Goofy FM share the bill. Rosolowski wrote two songs — “Digital Dream” and “Implant” — that didn’t fit The Source, so he used them as the base from which he would write the other songs for Beautiful Static. “Early on, the structure was all there, but there were certain elements that weren’t working,” he says over coffee one recent afternoon at Gypsy Bean, the Gordon Square Arts District café where he often goes to update his social media accounts and do other Cardio-related work. “But I knew there was something there, but I had to mine away at it. It was like the last album where I didn’t realize I was working on the album. In May or June, I thought I could push through another album. I probably had seven songs at that point. I deleted three and wrote new ones. A couple of the songs came together in October and November right when I was finalizing the album.” This time around, Rosolowski, a new father, decided to let things “just happen naturally.” Songs like “The Blessing,” a tune with rattling percussion and spoken word vocals, and the Chemical Brotherslike “Move” truly have a spiritual quality to them. “The last album was more me struggling to find a voice,” he says. “With this one, I started to uncover that voice and have fun with it and experiment with structural ideas and rhythms and

try out different sounds. The people that resonate with the music and performances are all searching for something, and I’m searching for something when I’m writing. I like to envision my life as a a bunch of grooves on a record. Since having a child, I feel like those grooves are getting deeper. My capacity for experiencing life and my sensitivity for everything has increased. I’m better at getting my present mind out of the way and let the emotions come through and have fun. It’s becoming easier to access those emotions. It’s changed my approach.” He acquired a piano at the beginning of this year, and that helped shape the album’s musical direction. You can hear the piano dictating the melody of a track such as “I Wanna Feel.” “I have a midi controller with 25 keys, but sometimes, you can’t get the idea down” he says. “I will use the piano to find chords and rhythm patterns and then translate that to the synthesizers.” It’s been a long, strange musical journey for Rosolowski, who started listening to N’Sync and the Backstreet Boys before Linkin Park’s 2000 album, Hybrid Theory, changed his life. Kid Cudi’s Man on the Moon also proved inspirational, and the fact that Cudi hails from Cleveland only made his music all the more influential. Rosolowski first went to drum circles with his mom at age 3 and then played cello at age 9. He later learned to play guitar, drums, bass, and piano and says he always had “a drive to create.” At 14, he took over the family computer and started using a free software called Guitar Tab Pro. With that program, he could write out all the parts for a full band. He was big into the Finnish metal band Nightwish at the time, so he was writing music inspired by them. Later, he used Garage Band and Logic to record guitar parts and Midi for drums. This went on for years until he was 27 when he really started learning

CARDIO. | Aileen Elizabeth Photography

CARDIO, THUNDER ST. CLAIR, CHRIS PULSE, JOEY SARDELLE, L3FTONR3D, LEE MAJORS B2B GOOFY FM, 8 P.M. FRIDAY, JAN. 26, 12112 MADISON AVE., LAKEWOOD, 216-600-5338. TICKETS: $12-$15, THEWINCHESTERMUSICTAVERN.COM.

how to mix and master.” A near-death experience that took place a few months before his wedding had a major impact on him. He and the woman who would become his wife opened a bottle of wine and sat down to watch a movie. Rosolowski suddenly collapsed, and he had to be rushed to the hospital. After realizing the importance of his relationship, he got married and purchased tickets to [Electric Daisy Carnival] Las Vegas. That festival triggered memories of hearing techno on college radio and house parties he would throw in his early twenties. Originally, he was going to call himself the Cardiologist, but he shortened it to Cardio and released “Silence,” his first official single, in 2019. Singles “What Do You Want?” and “Breathe” followed. “’What Do You Want?’ is really straight-forward,” he says when asked about the tune. “I feel that there’s a lot of conforming to what house/electronic music is supposed to be. You have your underground house-heads, and everyone is trying to align themselves with some kind of genre. The song is asking that question. ‘Breathe’ is my favorite track on the first album. I felt free to express myself with some of the synthesizers I was using. There are new elements I was working with. It was a high-

water mark to try to achieve that.” For the new album, Rosolowski decided he would not release any singles. “I wanted to do something a little different,” he says. “There’s a pressure in electronic music to release singles. I wanted to make it about the album from front to back. It has a nice A side and B side. It’s set up that way. I have some personal opinions, but I will leave it open. It will be fun to see what the fans decide are their favorites. I’m grateful for their involvement in this process.” Rosolowski says the release party will feature a “great ensemble of support.” “The plan is to be bigger than the last release party,” he says. “It’s going to be a good time. It’s dance friendly, as electronic shows tend to be. The reception I got last time was that some people said it was the best show they had been to for a long time. I don’t take those things for granted. The support will come from DJs and artists in the city that I have come to respect. Everyone on the show has a unique imprint and will bring something different to the show.”

jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel

January 3 - 16, 2024 | clevescene.com |

27


ASLYUM ROOM

CLEVELAND’S HISTORIC MUSIC & EVENTS VENUE

TEMPLELIVE CLEVELAND

THE BROKEN HEARTS

THE ULTIMATE TOM PETTY TRIBUTE

SAT. MAR 9

THE DEAD SOUTH

MON. FEB 12

CHAINS & STAKES TOUR

JO DEE MESSINA

FRI. FEB 16

HEADS CAROLINA, TAILS CALIFORNIA TOUR

BLUE OCTOBER

FRI. MAR 8

SPINNING THE TRUTH AROUND TOUR

EDDIE GRIFFIN

SAT. MAR 9

GIMME SUGAR & MISTER BREEZE

TRIBUTES TO THE ROLLING STONES & LYNYRD SKYNYRD

SAT. APR 13

WQMX PRESENTS

TERRI CLARK

THUR. MAR 14

HAIRBALL

SAT. MAR 16

ARENA ROCK CELEBRATION

THE CELTIC TENORS

TUES. MAR 19

BLACKBERRY SMOKE

FRI. MAR 29

3615 EUCLID AVE. CLEVELAND | TICKETS FOR ALL SHOWS AT TEMPLELIVE.COM

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| clevescene.com | January 17 - 30, 2024

BE RIGHT HERE TOUR

SPIRIT BOMB

ANIME MUSIC EXPERIENCE WITH PYRO KITTEN, BASSDRIP & CRAZY8THEGREAT

SAT. APR 20


LIVEWIRE 01/17

Courtesy of the Agora

WED

Real music in the real world

TORRES On tour in support of its forthcoming effort, What an enormous room, this indie rock act led by singer-guitarist Mackenzie Scott plays shoe-gazer rock that features Scott’s hiccupping, evocative vocals. The band possesses significant musical range, too. Brittle tunes such as “I got the fare” juxtapose shimmering numbers like “Collect,” a tune with PJ Harvey-like intensity. The tour that brings the group to the Grog Shop in Cleveland Heights tonight at 8 marks the band’s first North America trek in nearly two years. Aisha Burns and Kid Tigrrr open. 2785 Euclid Heights Blvd., Cleveland Heights, 216-321-5588, grogshop.gs.

FRI

01/19

G Jones Last year, G Jones solidified his reputation as an EDM star with his latest effort, Paths. Tunes such as “Too Far Gone,” a song with complex time signatures and percolating synths, suggest the degree to which Jones takes a more sophisticated approach to EDM. He brings his tour in support of the album to the Agora tonight at 8. IMANU, KOAN Sound and Sayer open. 5000 Euclid Ave., 216-881-2221, agoracleveland.com.

G. Love & Special Sauce Formed by Philadelphia native Garrett “G. Love” Dutton, a guy who sought to marry the blues with hip-hop, G. Love & Special Sauce has been a going concern for 30 years now. The tour that brings the group to House of Blues tonight celebrates the group’s 30th anniversary. Expect to hear roots rock, R&B, Delta blues and hip-hop when the group revisits its self-titled debut and then delivers a few tunes requested by fans. The concert begins at 7. Jakobs Castle opens. 308 Euclid Ave., 216-523-2583, houseofblues.com.

Spafford This jam band that got its start by playing open mic nights in the tiny town of Prescott, AZ in 2008 has turned into a touring juggernaut that fuses rock, funk and electronic music on both studio and live albums. The group performs tonight at 7:30 at the Beachland Ballroom. The regional jazzinfluenced act Unc D opens the show. 15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124,

Flatland Cavalry comes to the Agora. See: Friday, Jan. 26.

beachlandballroom.com.

SUN

01/21

The Devil Wears Prada and Fit for a King: Metalcore Droputs Since last year’s Metalcore Dropouts Tour featuring metalcore icons the Devil Wears Prada and Fit for a King was such a huge success, the two groups have hit the road again on a tour cheekily subtitled the 2nd Semester. The two groups bring their co-headlining tour to House of Blues tonight at 6. Counterparts Avoid opens the show. 308 Euclid Ave., 216-523-2583, houseofblues.com.

TUE

01/23

Big Head Todd & the Monsters Jam rockers Big Head Todd & the Monsters have quietly become an American institution following thirtysomething years of tour (totaling over 3,500 performances) and recording. Expect to hear staples such as “Broken Hearted Savior,” “It’s Alright” and “Bittersweet” when the band brings its winter tour to House of Blues at 6:30 tonight. 308 Euclid Ave., 216-523-2583, houseofblues.com.

WED

01/24

Alla Boara Led by drummer and composer Anthony Taddeo, this local group makes modern arrangements of near-

Flatland Cavalry

extinct folk songs. The band, which just released a new album, performs tonight at 7:30 at Cleveland Museum of Art. 11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.

New Soft Shoe Several years ago, on what local singer-songwriter Brent Kirby calls a drunken dare, a group of Cleveland friends and musicians showed up at the Happy Dog to play a couple sets of tunes by the late, great Gram Parsons. Dubbed the New Soft Shoe, the group has been at it ever since, spreading the gospel of what it refers to as “Gram’s Cosmic American Music.” Anything that Parsons played, the New Soft Shoe covers. As a result, the group plays tunes from the International Submarine Band, the Byrds and Flying Burrito Brothers. Tonight at 8, the band performs at the Beachland Tavern. 15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.

THU

01/25

This Texas-based country/Americana act released its first EP in 2015 and has steadily toured and recorded ever since. Last year, it returned with Wandering Star, a fine collection of Southern-fried tunes. The album opens with “The Provider,” a twangy tune that resonates with a Lynyrd Skynyrdlike vibe and some tasty organ riffs. The group brings its tour in support of the album to the Agora Theatre tonight at 7. 5000 Euclid Ave., 216-881-2221, agoracleveland.com.

Jinari Kemet Tonight at 8 at the Beachland Tavern, the local rapper/singer-songwriter who dabbles in rock, soul and pop celebrates the release of his latest effort, The Othercide. Locals Zup and Marcus Smith open. 15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.

SAT

01/27

Soiree of the Stallions Charity Concert

The monthly jam session that takes place at the Beachland Ballroom gives local musicians the chance to participate in a lively drum session. The event, which takes place at 8 p.m., is free and open to the public. 15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.

Local acts the Reign of Kindo, Chalk Dinosaur, Juniper, Apostle Jones, the Ice Cream Militia, Slag Genie, Abstract Sounds and Cellophane Jane play this benefit concert that takes place at 3 p.m. in both the Beachland Ballroom and Tavern. Proceeds go to the Cleveland Epilepsy Association. 15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.

FRI

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

Northeast Ohio Drum & Music Jam

01/26

January 3 - 16, 2024 | clevescene.com |

29


SAVAGE LOVE SCRIPT DOCTOR By Dan Savage I’m a cishet woman, married twenty years, three kids at home. My marriage is generally happy but it’s also sexless. Being “companionate” was his decision, not mine. The absence of sex is driving me crazy, so my husband has given me his blessing to get sex elsewhere. It’s tricky, though, as it’s hard for me to be sexually attracted to someone without feeling a special connection. I’ve tried the apps, but the thought of discussing the mechanics of sex with someone I’ve just me on Hinge or Bumble or whatever leaves me cold. The thing is, I periodically develop crushes on male colleagues. I work in a project-based industry where everyone works on three-to-four-month contracts. We come together, work hard, get to know each other quickly, and then head off to new jobs. So, fucking someone I met at work feels like the perfect solution. And there is currently a guy at work that I’m having the most intense flirtation with. The flirting is off the charts and it’s driving me insane. But he’s happily married with a child at home. So, how do I find out if he wants the same thing I do? I get the impression he desires me as much as I do him, but this doesn’t mean he wants to have sex with me. I also don’t want to cause drama or accidentally blow his life up. I just want to have sex with him. There must be other people out there in sexless marriages or open marriages who have hall passes like mine but how do I find out if he is one of them? Do I have to ask? Can you give me a script? I don’t want to offend him or make things awkward, even if the awkwardness only lasts the few weeks until the end of our contracts. I would also hate to be accused of inappropriate workplace behavior. What can I do? Workmate Only Wonderland On the one hand… your workplace crush could be flirting with you because you’re a married woman with a husband and kids at home and he assumes your marriage is monogamous — most straight marriages are — and regards flirting with you as harmless because 1. he hasn’t been paying attention to evolving standards of workplace conduct and 2. he doesn’t think there could be any repercussions, personal or professional, because [see 1] and you’re a married woman, WOW, and so nothing sexual and/or dramatic and/or actionable can happen. On the other hand… your workplace crush could be flirting with you because he wants to fuck you and he may even have his wife’s okay to fuck other people — he may, like you, have the hall pass he needs — but he’s kept the flirting within the zone of plausible deniability because 1. he actually has paying attention to evolving

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standards of workplace conduct and 2. he doesn’t know if you’re allowed to fuck other people and doesn’t want to cause drama or accidentally blow your life up. On the other other hand… he may not be flirting with you at all, WOW, and your sexual deprivation (and desperation) has induced a really bad case of clitful thinking. If you wanna make something happen — if you wanna fuck this guy or even know if fucking this guy is a possibility — you’re gonna have to risk asking him if he wants anything to happen. And seeing as you asked me to script this for you, WOW, I’m gonna assume you’re willing to run the risk. So, I’ve written your lines for you, WOW, now you all have to do is memorize them (and your best impression of Meg Ryan, circa 1993): “We’ve been flirting — at least I think we’ve been flirting — please stop me if I somehow got the wrong impression — but if we have been flirting, I wanted you to know — before our contract ends and we go our separate ways — that my marriage is open. I don’t want to leave my husband — I truly love my husband — which means I’m no threat to your marriage. So, if your marriage is open or companionate or something close, we’d be a really good match — as affair partners go — since I don’t want to take you away from your wife and child. I just want to fuck your brains out and I’m pretty sure you want to fuck mine out. What do you say?” Finally, WOW, since hitting on coworkers isn’t a risk you’re gonna wanna take regularly, and since this particular workplace crush is going to leave town when your contract ends whether he’s down to fuck or not, I’ve taken the liberty of drafting some suggested language for your profile on Binge or Humble or whatever: “I’m a loving, stable, companionate marriage and I’m not looking to leave my husband. But I don’t feel sexual attraction in the absence of actual affection. So, if you’re willing to meet up at least twice to make a real connection, we might be a match. If you’re not willing to make even a minimal investment of time and energy, we’re definitely not a match.”

There’s a chance I’m engaging in some dickful thinking here. I’m a late 30s, non-binary, queer transmasc who passes as a man. I have a circle of outdoor “activity buddies.” It’s not a sexual thing, more of a we-go-hiking-and-camping thing. I took a shine to one of these friends on our first group trip. He’s strong and an athlete, and yet he’s incredibly sweet. This friend is a few years older, divorced, with nearly grown kids. He’s one of the few in the group that I’ve told I’m trans. After a recent overnight group trip, I realized that I have a crush on my cis and probably het after he opened up to me about his kids (one of whom is non-binary!) and a recent date with a woman. I don’t know if it’s insane to want to tell him how I’m feeling. For what it’s worth, my spouse also likes him and telling Spouse how I was feeling inspired us to talk about moving toward a more open marriage. Now I keep having daydreams about landing this guy as a FWB and sharing

| clevescene.com | January 17 - 30, 2024

him with Spouse. Am I, as the kids say, completely delulu here? Is there a chance in hell that my friend would be down for a little experimentation with my exotic self? (I haven’t had bottom surgery.) Is this a case of “you can’t know until you ask”? If so, can you give me a script? Longshot Longing So… you’re not only hoping Crush is attracted to men and/or is willing to make an exception for a man with a vagina — which some online types consider transphobic — you’re also hoping you’re that man, LL. And that’s not all: you’re hoping your marriage can smoothly transition to not just open, but poly, and that Crush is just as into Spouse as Spouse is into Crush. That’s a lot to hope for. While Crush could be bi or pan or open to sleeping with trans men who haven’t had bottom surgery, LL, it sounds like he’s straight. And if Crush joined this wego-hiking-and-camping-but-not-fucking group because he was seeking meaningful friendships with other men — too many straight men report having no friends at all and more straight men should join groups like the one you describe — your “ask” may not only derail your friendship, LL, but ruin this group for Crush and Crush for this group. Given the odds that Crush is heteroflexible or bi or willing to make an exception for a trans man who hasn’t had bottom surgery — and you’re that man — are slim, and given the odds that, even if he’s into you, he’d be into Spouse, whom he’s presumably never met, are even slimmer — I would urge you to keep your mouth shut for the time being. If he begins to telegraph any interest in you at all, if he gives you some unambiguous sign, then you can make the first move. (First moves are asks, not lunges; use your words, not your hands.) And even then, LL, you should open by asking for the “no” you’re hoping not to get: “I have a crush on you — if you’re not interested for any reason, please tell me and I will absolutely take your no for a final answer. And if this makes things awkward between us, I’ll do whatever you need me to do to get past the awkwardness, including giving you all the space you need, including skipping the next few overnight group trips.”

I’ve recently entered into a longdistance relationship with someone six years younger. This may not seem like a huge age gap, but since we’re both in our twenties, it feels significant. I’ve been told by everyone in my life that I’m too old for him and that the affection, support, and commitment he’s

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flinging my way is due to his age and lack of experience. All my friends say that once he’s gotten older, he’ll move on to someone else. So far, it’s been the most loving and serious relationship I’ve ever been in, despite the fact that it’s long distance. I think if we were in our thirties the six-year age gap wouldn’t be important, but since the difference between 22 and 28 can be vast, I don’t know how to proceed. I feel some overwhelming judgement from close friends, and everyone is telling me to get out because he’ll probably leave me anyway. He’s very committed and looking for ways to move to my city, even though it’s only been a little over a month. Should I take him seriously? What do I tell my friends? And what if they’re right? Continental Age Difference Tell your friends this: “Most relationships don’t work out. People meet, hookup, feel like they’re really into each other, and then it fizzles out for whatever reason. But it can’t work out — nothing ever works out — if we aren’t at least willing to give it a chance. And I’m going to give this a chance.” That said, CAD, this boy’s willingness to move to the city where you live after four weeks is a pink flag. Tell him you want to keep seeing him but unless he was already planning to move to your city for some other reason (work, school, whatever), you wanna keep doing long-distance thing for at least another six months. Because as good and right as this may feel four weeks in, it’s too soon for a move that big. If he can’t hear that without melting down, that’s a bad sign. If he’s willing to wait, that’s a good sign. P.S. I met a guy when I was 30 who was only 23 — and we’re still together 29 years later. P.P.S. Find better friends.

Got problems? Everyone does! Send your question to mailbox@savage.love! Podcasts, columns and more at Savage. Love

mail@savagelove.net t@fakedansavage www.savagelovecast.com


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