Cleveland Scene - September 20, 2023 • Best of Cleveland 2023

UPFRONT

LAWSUIT: JUDGE LESLIE CELEBREZZE DEMOTED ASSISTANT IN RETALIATION AMIDST NEWS COVERAGE

A

FORMER ASSISTANT

to Cuyahoga County Domestic Relations Judge Leslie Ann Celebrezze claims in a lawsuit that she was demoted because she knew of the judge’s “scheme” of steering lucrative receivership cases to her “lover.”

The lawsuit, filed this week by court employee Georgeanna Semary, also alleges agents with the FBI’s Cleveland-based public corruption unit have questioned her regarding the judge’s conduct. The FBI requested the interview after The Marshall ProjectCleveland reported her demotion on Aug. 22.

“Ms. Semary is a witness who

knows facts about criminal acts,” the lawsuit claims.

Semary’s lawsuit alleges the judge retaliated against her, leading to her $20,000 pay cut after Semary provided public court records to a Marshall ProjectCleveland reporter investigating the judge’s relationship with courtappointed receiver Mark Dottore.

Semary was hired by Celebrezze in 2008, when the judge first won election, and their friendship evolved over the years. The judge confided in Semary her affection for Dottore, whom Celebrezze has known most of her life, the suit alleges.

The Marshall Project - Cleveland

has previously reported Dottore has been paid about $500,000 in fees from divorcing couples in Celebrezze’s court.

The 44-page lawsuit was filed this week in Common Pleas Court. She is seeking unspecified monetary damages.

“Once (The Marshall ProjectCleveland) came sniffing around, Celebrezze — blinded by anger and fearing the truth was about to come out — sought to discredit and silence Ms. Semary and send a chilling warning to all court employees to remain silent,” her attorney Subodh Chandra wrote in the lawsuit.

“Other (judges) knew about

the affair, Celebrezze’s steering of work to Dottore, and the retaliation. But they failed to try to stop it all. Some even tried to cover it all up. Celebrezze steered cases from other judges to herself in furtherance of her scheme to reward her lover.”

Celebrezze, who serves as the court’s administrative judge, has previously denied an affair, telling The Marshall Project - Cleveland that she and Dottore are merely close friends. She did not respond to messages seeking comment on the lawsuit, which also names four other court officials as defendants. Dottore, who is not named as a defendant in the lawsuit, also

Photo by Gus Chan for The Marshall Project

declined to comment.

Last month, the Ohio Supreme Court removed Celebrezze from overseeing a Strongsville couple’s divorce, finding the judge bypassed court policy when she assigned the case to her own docket.

Dottore was appointed receiver in the case and has already collected thousands of dollars in receivership fees to handle the divorcing couple’s personal and business finances. –

Mark Puente, The Marshall Project

New State Legislation Could Halt Controversial I-71 Interchange in Brunswick

Ohio State Senator Mark Romanchuk has introduced legislation to repeal the portion of the Ohio State Transportation Budget requiring the construction of an interchange off of I-71 between Brunswick and Strongsville off Boston Road, the decision of which has been the subject of longstanding speculation and controversy.

“This proposed interchange was the result of one community, Strongsville, trying to legislate a neighboring community, Brunswick, to fix a problem they created,” said Representative Sharona Ray at a press conference Thursday. “This interchange is bad for Brunswick and all of Medina County for financial and safety reasons and is just bad policy overall. It is also, in my opinion, a violation of the Ohio Revised Code and the United States Highway Code, requiring local support.”

Residents wearing “Homes Not Highways’’ t-shirts and holding pictures of their houses gathered behind lawmakers at the conference. Many have been fighting the measure, introduced by Representative Tom Patton, for months. Although the stipulation mandating entrance and exit ramps at least every 4.5 miles on interstate highways in adjacent municipal corporations in different counties currently only applies to the border between Strongsville and Brunswick, it could be applied elsewhere in the future.

“This interchange as it stands sets a dangerous precedent for other areas in our state as well. It bypasses established channels like NOACA (Northeast Ohio Areawide Coordinating Agency) and the Federal Highway Association and that’s quite frankly not how these decisions should be made,” said

Since 1997, the Transportation Review Advisory Council (TRAC) within ODOT has been responsible for assisting the department with selecting what new projects to approve and fund. The nineperson council explicitly prohibits members of the General Assembly from serving to avoid conflicts of interest.

“It’s a very dangerous precedent. I don’t think the taxpayers of Ohio want legislators to decide where the interchanges should go,” Romanchuk said. “We don’t know anything about interchanges. We don’t know anything about highway studies and traffic studies.”

According to a preliminary study by Strongsville-based civil engineering firm Euthenics Inc., which was commissioned by the city of Strongsville, as many as 14 houses would be demolished to construct the interchange. The study also admitted the new interchange wouldn’t drastically improve congestion along Route 82.

“By virtue of everything I have seen, there’s not one possibility that my house wouldn’t be absorbed and consumed,” said Ed Radzyminski, who lives at the intersection of Boston Road and North Carpenter Road. “These homes are the fruit of a lifetime of labor. We have invested our hearts, our souls, our bank accounts, everything that we have into these properties.”

Residents, many of whom have retired and live on fixed incomes, fear that they won’t be compensated adequately for the time and money they’ve invested in their homes. Those who won’t lose their homes say properties will

lose value.

“We have celebrated life here — births, deaths, weddings, holidays, all sorts of family memories. And now, to be railroaded and ramrodded out of our efforts and our life efforts is just wrong,” Radzyminski said. “We’re looking at Attila the Hun fighting Mother Teresa.”

Patton, who maintains that he put the interchange mandate in the Transportation Budget to improve safety, told Scene that displaced residents could appeal in probate court if they weren’t sufficiently compensated and suggested they look for recourse from realtors that sold them their houses despite a “40-year safety issue”. He says that, despite a few complaints, responses have been overwhelmingly positive.

“I’ve had well over a hundred people that have said, ‘Way to go. Nice job. We’ve needed this forever,’” Patton told Scene.

The preliminary study supports the idea that an interchange would improve safety because, “a reduction in traffic congestion correlates to improved safety.” However, actual estimations of actual safety benefits are uncertain.

In a review of the preliminary study, ODOT said, “Why is ‘Safety’ presented first in this section, especially considering that this report really doesn’t compare the safety performance of alternatives vs. No Build or existing? Previous work suggested that safety benefits were expected to be minimal.”

Some Brunswick residents and leaders are convinced that the ultimate goal is to connect the Foltz Industrial Parkway to the highway.

“We have a huge stake because the whole point of the Boston Road interchange is to connect it to the Industrial Parkway.” Patton’s son-in-law, then Strongsville Councilman Duke Southworth said in 2013. “Our stake in the industrial parkway is a lot bigger than Brunswick’s stake.”

Patton denies intentions to connect the Industrial Parkway and said that he “can’t speak to what [his] son-in-law said 10 years ago but this is about safety.”

Lawmakers and Brunswick City Council President and Vice Mayor Nick Hanek met with ODOT representatives after announcing the legislation to repeal.

“We’re trying to work with [ODOT], but they’re in the constraints of this law. What Tom Patton is trying to do is break the government,” Hanek told Scene. “He wants ODOT to think it has to do it, he wants us to think it has to do it and he wants everybody to think it’s for a reason it’s not.”

Hanek believes it’s too soon to tell if the legislation will garner enough support to prevent construction of an interchange and hopes that lawmakers will recognize that it affects them and their constituents.

“Admittedly, we don’t always get things right; We don’t,” said Romanchuck. “I would like to think we get a lot of things right but we always get some things wrong. And today, what we’re talking about, is an example of something we got wrong and it was in the transportation budget.”

– Maria Elena Scott

Representative Melanie Miller.

Photo by Maria Elena Scott

Brunswick and Strongsville residents rallied against the interchange outside a Strongsville City Council Meeting.

WELCOME, ALL,

to the best time of the year on the shores of Lake Erie –when we come together as one and celebrate the very best the city has to offer.

Best of Cleveland 2023 is here and the readers have spoken… loudly.

With tens of thousands of nominations and votes cast since this summer, Scene readers have determined this year’s winners and once again have provided a roadmap

for all Clevelanders on where to eat, what to listen to, what to see, where to be seen, and the people and businesses doing their part to lift Cleveland up to its potential.

Cleveland is a city on the rise – in so many ways, figuratively and literally – and it’s time to spread the love.

Our thanks to everyone involved: the winners, the voters, the runners-up, the folks doing their part without yet getting the recognition they deserve, and the commenters who will now disagree vociferously with the reader poll results.

And now, the envelope please…

BEST OF CLEVELAND

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT

Best Beer Selection

1. Simone’s Beverage

2. Rozi’s Wine House

3. The Wine Spot

Best DJ

1. DJ Step One

2. Koly Kolgate

3. JonDoeTho1

Best Local Comedian (Female)

1. Mary Santora

2. Tabitha Jones

3. Kadijah Wingo

Best Local Comedian (Male)

1. Martin Malloy aka Skitzo Bill

2. Bill Squire

3. Ryan Polk

Best Magician

1. Rick Smith

2. The Alan’s

3. David Gilligan

Best Arts Event

1. Lakewood Arts Festival

2. Ingenuity Fest

3. Third Fridays at 78th Street Studios

Best Photographer

1. Gabe Wasylko

2. Robyn White Photography LLC

3. Amber Patrick / aterrormusical photography

Best Local Author/Writer

1. Michael S. Vassel

2. Latoya Marie Jackson

3. Leila Khoury

Best Movie Theater

1. Cedar Lee Theater

2. Cinemark Valley View

3. Capitol Theater

Best Filmmaker

1. Matthew Mark Hunter

2. Thomas Sawyer

3. Nonie Shiverick

Best Art Fair

1. Lakewood Arts Festival

2. Third Fridays at 78th Street

Studios

3. Art by the Falls (Chagrin Falls)

Best Cover Band

1. The Spazmatics

2. Follow The Sun

3. Tilted

Best Concert Venue

1. Beachland Ballroom & Tavern

2. The Agora

3. Blossom Music Center

Best Burlesque Troupe

1. Cleveland Burlesque

2. The Fandom Fantasies

3. Shrimply the Best

Best Poet

1. Amanda Terman

2. Zuggie Tate

3. Ali Black

Best Dance Troupe

1. Cleveland Burlesque

2. Cleveland Dance Project

3. The Fandom Fantasies

Best Museum

1. Cleveland Museum of Art

2. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

3. Cleveland Museum of Natural History

Jannik Stegen

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT

Best Director

1. Dustin Lee

2. Thomas Sawyer

3. Moe Taylor

Best Drag Show

1. Drag Brunch with Sassy Sascha

2. Glamgore

3 (Tie). Trash Unreal

3 (Tie). Black Mass

Best Place to Catch a Play

1. Cleveland Play House

2. Beck Center for the Arts

3. Cleveland Public Theater

Best Arts/Film/ Music Festival

1. Cleveland International Film Festival

2. Brite Winter

3. Larchmere Porchfest

Best Art Gallery

1. Spaces

2. Negative Space

3. Human Heart Studios

Best Local Playwright

1. India Burton

2. Cat Kenney

3. David Hansen

Best Male Vocalist

1. Cory Woodford

2. Mikey Silas

3. Marcus Smith

Best Hip-Hop Artist or Group

1. Tobyraps

2. Koly Kolgate

3. Marquis Storm

Best Painter

1. Derek Hess

2. Eileen Dorsey

3. Love Freely

Best Actress

1. Debbie Scaletta

2. Yuliya Zelenskaya

3. Sarah Carleton

Best Local Album

1. ZuP - For Me

2. Magnificent Desolation - Buzz Balldrin

3. Reset My Head - Truss

Best Artist

1. Eileen Dorsey

2. Kim Kennedy

3. Garrett Weider

Best Dance Party

1. Mall Goth Metal at The Foundry

2. Dark Wave Dance Cave

3. Trash Unreal

Best Comedy Venue

1. Hilarities

2. The Improv

3. No Class

Best Actor

1. Riley Wade Chase

2. Richard T. Phillis

3. Ryan Polk

Best Illustrator

1. Billy Butcher

2. Brian Gallagher

Best Street Fair

1. Feast of the Assumption

2. Taste of Tremont

3. Larchmere Porchfest

Best Female Vocalist

1. Madison Pruitt

2. Laura Fedor

3. Abbey Stupor

Best Theater Company

1. Great Lakes Theater Company

2. Beck Center for the Arts

3. Karamu House

Best Singer/Songwriter

1. Mikey Silas

2. Marcus Smith

3. Dan McCoy

Best Band

1. Apostle Jones

2. Buzz Balldrin

3. Girl Cologne

3. Tony Vardon

Gabe Wasylko

Gabe Wasylko Photography

BEST OF CLEVELAND

BARS + CLUBS

1. Collision Bend

2. Shooters on the Water 3. Merwin’s Wharf

BEST OF CLEVELAND

FOOD + DRINK

Best Bagels

Best Suburban Restaurant (West)

Best RestaurantGoodrich Kirtland (Asia Town)

Best Restaurant -

Best Desserts

Best Restaurant -

Best Fried Chicken

Best RestaurantUniversity Circle

Best RestaurantDowntown

Best Suburban Restaurant (South)

(Brecksville)

Best RestaurantSt.

Best RestaurantWarrensville Heights

Best Patio Dining

Best RestaurantOld Brooklyn

Best Seafood Restaurant

Best Bakery/Pastries

Best Spanish Restaurant

Best Restaurant -

Best RestaurantBrook Park

Best Thai Restaurant

Best Middle Eastern Restaurant

Best Hot Dog

Best Vegan Restaurant

1. Cleveland Bagel Co.

2. Nubeigel

3. Cocky’s Bagels

1. Soho Chicken and Whiskey

2. Boss ChickNBeer

3. Cordelia

Clair Superior

1. Empress Taytu

2. Goldhorn

3. Superior Deli

1. Pier W

2. Blue Point Grille

3. Alley Cat

1. Rivals

2. Goody’s

3. The Garden

1. Cleveland Vegan

2. Cloak and Dagger

3. Foodhisattva

1. Thyme Table

2. Luca West

3. Cabin Club

1. L’Albatros

2. Otani Noodle

3. Jolly Scholar

1. River City Grille

2. Frederick’s Wine & Dine

3. Roll Up Cle

1. Blackbird Bakery

2. On The Rise

3. Leavened

1. Thai Thai

2. Banana Blossom

3. Peppermint

1. Li Wah

2. LJ Shanghai

3. Siam Cafe

1. Rood Food and Pie

2. Marble Room

3. Cordelia

1. Marble Room

2. Cordelia

3. Blue Point Grille

1. Collision Bend

2. All Saints Public House

3. The Fairmount

1. Mallorca

2. Sangria y Tapas

3. Ibiza

1. Aladdin’s

2. Zhug

3. Taza

Glenville

1. Squash the Beef

2. Jasmine’s

3. Shaw Dairy

Lakewood

1. Pier W

2. Salt+

3. Barroco

1. Creekside Restaurant

2. Corleone’s Ristorante

3. Rosewood Grill

1. Dina’s

2. Opal on Pearl

3. El Rinconcito Chapin

Collinwood

1. Citizen Pie

2. Beachland Ballroom

3. Doinks Burger Joint

1. Happy Dog

2. Scooter’s World Famous Dawg House

3. Hot Dog Heaven

Jannik Stegen

FOOD + DRINK

Best Juice Bar

Best Romantic Restaurant

Best Deli

Best Chinese Restaurant

Best Pho

Best Donuts

Best Mexican Restaurant

Best RestaurantBellaire-Puritas

Best RestaurantMount Pleasant

Best Restaurant - Central

Best Steakhouse

Best Restaurant -

Best Restaurant -

Best Tea House

Best RestaurantLarchmere

Best Late Night Eats

Best RestaurantRocky River

Best Restaurant -

Best Irish Restaurant

-

Best RestaurantFairview

Best Sandwich

Best Japanese Restaurant

Best French Restaurant

1. Pulp

2. Beyond Juicery + Eatery

3. Beet Jar

1. Jack Frost Donuts

2. Brewnuts

3. Vegan Doughnut Co.

1. Cilantro Taqueria

2. La Plaza Taqueria

3. Momocho

1. Algebra Tea House

2. Tea Lab

3. Emerald Necklace

Maple Heights

1. Mr Wonderful’s Chicken and Waffles

2. Plant Based Burger Company

3. Ming Home

1. The Harp

2. Stone Mad Pub

3. PJ McIntyre’s Irish Pub

1. Pier W

2. Marble Room

3. L’Albatros

1. Superior Pho

2. #1 Pho

3. Pho and Rice

1. Grayton Road Tavern

2. Himalayan Restaurant

3. Cafe Everest

1. Hola Tacos

2. Poppy

3. Batuqui

Best Chocolate Shop

1. Malley’s

2. Sweet Designs

3. Mitchell’s Fine Chocolates

Best Restaurant

Buckeye Shaker, Buckeye Woodhill

1. Edwin’s

2. Zanzibar

3. The Vegan Club

1. Larder

2. Slyman’s

3. Joe’s Deli (Rocky River)

1. Mount Pleasant BBQ

1. The Crispy Chick

1. Marble Room

2. Red

3. Strip

1. Edison’s

2. My Friends Restaurant

3. Happy Dog

Park

1. Gunselman’s Tavern

2. Nuevo Acapulco

3. Nate’s Deli

1. Pacific East

2. Ginko

3. Sora

1. Li Wah

2. King Wah

3. Szechuan Gourmet

Parma

1. Das Schnitzel Haus

2. Corleone’s

3. Little Polish Diner

Detroit-Shoreway

1. Astoria Cafe & Market

2. Il Rione

3. All Saints Public House

1. Salmon Dave’s

2. Tartine

3. Market

1. Slyman’s

2. Herb n’ Twine

3. Larder

1. Le Petit Triangle

2. L’Albatros

3. Chez Francois

Photo by Doug Trattner

Soho

Courtesy Cilantro Taqueria

Cilantro Taqueria

FOOD + DRINK

Best Greek Restaurant

1. Astoria Cafe & Market

2. Greek Village

3. Nikos

Best Pizza

1. Angelo’s

2. Il Rione

3. Ohio Pie Co.

Best Sub Shop

1. Dave’s Cosmic Subs

2. Herb n’ Twine

3. Grum’s

Best Coffee House

1. Rising Star

2 (Tie). Metropolitan Coffee

2 (Tie). Roasted

Best French Fries

1. Tommy’s

2. Good Company

3. Landmark Smokehouse

Best RestaurantCleveland Heights

1. Tommy’s

2. Zhug

3. The Fairmount

Best RestaurantClark-Fulton

1. Johnny’s on Fulton

2. Bruno’s

3. Half Moon Bakery (Bella Luna)

Best Tacos

1. Barrio

2. La Plaza

3 (Tie). Hola Tacos

3 (Tie). Cilantro Taqueria

Best Suburban Restaurant (East)

1. Zhug

2. Flour

3. The Sleepy Rooster

Best RestaurantGarfield Heights

1. Tiffany’s Pizza

2. It’s a Must Cafe

3. Bonkers

Best Vietnamese Restaurant

1. Superior Pho

2. #1 Pho

3. Bowl of Pho

Best Polish Restaurant

1. Prosperity Social Club

2. Rowley Inn

3. Rudy’s Strudel

Best Barbecue

1. Mabel’s

2. Woodstock BBQ

3. Landmark Smokehouse

Best Breadmaker

1. On The Rise

2. Blackbird Baking Company

3. Leavened

Best Soul Food

1. Bourbon Street Barrel Room

2. Zanzibar Soul Fusion

3. Angie’s

Best New Restaurant

1. Boom’s Pizza

2. Jaja

3. Poppy

Best RestaurantBroadway/Slavic Village

1. Saucisson

2. Red Chimney

Best Restaurant

1. Marble Room

2. Astoria Cafe and Market

3. Cordelia

Best Chef

1. Doug Katz

2. Jill Vedaa

3. Dante Boccuzzi

Best African Restaurant

1. Zanzibar

2. Empress Taytu

3. Zoma

Best Restaurant - Tremont

1. Fat Cats

2. Rowley Inn

3. Southside

Best Tapas

1. Salt+

2. Zhug

3. Amba

Best Italian Restaurant

1. Luca

2. Bruno’s

3. Bar Italia

Best Restaurant - Fairfax

1. Red Walter BBQ

2. Rumi’s Market & Turkish Grill

Best RestaurantLittle Italy

1. Mama Santa’s

2. Mia Bella

3. Maxi’s

Best Korean Restaurant

1. Seoul Garden

2. Korea House

3. Fiyah

Best Sushi

1. Ginko

2. Pacific East

3. Sora

Best RestaurantShaker Heights

2.

and Brisket

Best RestaurantStockyards

3. Good Company

Best Ice Cream

1. Mitchell’s

2. Honey Hut

3. Mason’s Creamery

Best German Restaurant

1. Hofbrauhaus

2. Das Schnitzel Haus

3. Der Braumeister

Best Vegetarian Restaurant

1. Tommy’s

2. The Root Cafe

3. Cleveland Vegan

Best Food Truck

1. Cheesy Dave’s

2. Parliya

3. Smokin Rock n’ Roll

Best Burger

1. Hecks Cafe

2. Gunselman’s Tavern

3 (Tie). Burgers 2 Beer

3 (Tie). The Rowley Inn

Best Cakes

1. Kelsey Elizabeth

2. Michael Angelo’s Bakery

3. The White Flower Cake Shoppe

Best Bar Food

1. Gunselman’s Tavern

2. Buckeye Beer Engine

3. LBM

Best Indian Restaurant

1. Amba

2. India Garden

Best Chicken Wings

3. Cafe Tandoor

1. Brassica

Lox, Stock

3. Scorpacciata

1. Sachsenheim

2. Mom’s

3. Bronco’s Western BBQ

1. Dina’s

2. Boss ChickNBeer

Photo by Agape Photography

Boom’s Pizza

ABOUT

INGENUITYLABS & LABS MEMBERS

Our IngenuityLabs Incubator provides a supportive and accessible creative environment, resources and networking opportunities.

We encourage collaboration among artisans, technologists and innovators with our complementary year-round programs: the IngenuityLabs Incubator, the Ignite! series for creative entrepreneurs, monthly Ignite! Neighbor Nights and the community-driven creative collective, the Ingeneers.

IngenuityLabs

WELCOME TO OUR YEAR-ROUND EXPLORATION DESTINATIONMEET OUR MAKERS!

Brian Johnson Studios

Fabricated works, machinery, & adaptive bikes, plus check back soon for a custom-made CNC. Collaborations include Zephyr & The Lighthouse. Closed during IngenuityFest.

At Ingenuity Cleveland, we are thrilled to gather and celebrate our planet's wide array of resources and wonders, and the inventions and innovations that have brought us together across her varied terrains. Our flagship event, created alongside a wide community of artists, entrepreneurs, partners and performers, stretches from the depths of the sea to the vastness of space to the low echo of crystaline caves. Be sure to visit all four floors!

Fire Guys LLC

Incorporating Fire as a medium for interdisciplinary works large and small. Presenting works in Mechanique Biotique.

Makers Alliance

A home for tinkerers of all types to Make, Learn, Grow. Open during IngenuityFest.

five6 studios,Pagoda Printers, Jedi Lights & Sound, Galactic tNT Intertwined enterprises including printmaking, production & more. Presenting works in The Great Hall.

Splendid Dimensions

Immersive, interactive installations & visionary new media by Ross Bochnek. Presenting "Temple of Magnetite" in IngenuityLabs: carved from stone magnetized by lightning, this temple is "lost" in the jungle, but its energy continues to attract creatures large & small.

Hammertime Productions

Engaging diverse audiences & designers through pop-up programming, photoshoots & more. Presenting works in The Cabaret.

Cleveland Ghostbusters

Cosplay group serving all of the Sixth City's professional paranormal needs. Open during IngenuityFest.

Alma Vision: Cultura y mas

Alex Corona & Collaborators create the area's first Chicano-focused multimedia theater collective. Open during IngenuityFest.

Tesla Orchestra

Presenting GIANT 12-foot Tesla Coils for the first time in nearly a decade as part of "Fire & Lightning" with Fire Guys LLC, in Mechanique Biotique Friday & Saturday.

Metalmorphosis

John Kasunich's Art & Science of Metalworking. Collaborations include Zephyr, The Lighthouse, Onward & Upward. Closed during IngenuityFest.

Zephyr

By the Ingeneers. Made possible in 2023 by MOEN & Ohio Native Landscaping. Waterfall by John Kasunich, Jackie Young & Hannay Rodas.

onward & upward

By the Ingeneers. Alight and lift off, leave your cares on the ground.

The Lighthouse

By the Ingeneers. Alight and lift off, set your cares on the ground.

Light Up Labs

Reclaimed objects of all sorts, a-light with new life! Presenting works in The Great Hall & The Crystal Palace.

Cleveland Fabrication

Custom woodworking from a wayword engineer. Presenting works at The Depot & Music Meadow stages.

961 Collective

Custom Printing on restored machinery including vintage Heidelberg presses. Open during IngenuityFest.

Ed Morra Designs

Whimsical Machinations from the Ridiculous to the Sublime. Presenting the Giant Marble Machine: Drag Race & Lucky 13 Slot Machine.

Heyman! Productions

Extraordinary works from reclaimed objects. Presenting "Resonance" in Marquette St., "Analog Oasis" in Makers Mecca & "TreeVees in various locations.

Lettuce Tree Farm

Low-Carbon Urban Container Farm. Presenting in Mechanique Biotique.

Splicecream Truck

Collecting Community Stories, one Sweet Treat at a time. Presenting in IndusTree Alley and on the Crystal Palace Stage.

A journey across Space and Time, through Soaring Jungles and Crystal Caverns, IngenuityFest 2023: Biologies Geologies is at once whimsical and wholly serious in its dedication to our planet.

INGENUITYLABS (CONT.)

FESTIVAL VILLAGES

Metacarnation

INDUSTREE ALLEY (CONT.)

Cellyport

KEVIN BALLOU & FRIENDS

Elevator #1

Looking to catch a ride?

Take Elevator #1 in the Southeast Corner of IngenuityLabs to the 3rd & 4th Floor (Makers Mecca & Ideation Station) activated by Imposters Theater. Wait your turn for a micromoment of fun while you travel between floors.

Brittany's Record Shop (FL.3)

Brainchild of Brittany Benton and your one stop pop-up shop for all things vinyl, check back for youth programs & more. Closed during the Fest, but catch Phamily Foto (Crystal Palace) & DJ Red-I (Tesseract Stage).

Justin Gibbs Studio x Dark Arts (FL.4) Open during IngenuityFest in Ideation Station.

IndusTree Alley

INGENUITY'S MAIN DRAG FROM 53RD ST TO INGENUITYLABS, FULL OF STAGES, FOOD TRUCKS & MORE!

Featuring

The Depot Stage

BY THE INGENEERS, CLEVELAND FABRICATION & LIGHTING DESIGN BY SKUDA PRODUCTIONS

All Aboard! Wait on The Platform or watch from The Train as musicians of all types trasnsport you.

plus find foodtrucks, restrooms, a bar and a direct ride to dream destinations!

Developed in IngenuityLabs, this piece explores the prison system.

Splicecream Truck

BEN SMITH & FRIENDS

A mobile analog recording studio to keep you grooving!

Recess Cleveland

PROVIDING POP-UP HEALTHY PLAY!

Cleveland's premier community group providing pop-up healthy play! Presenting all weekend long, but turning it up a notch for our Sunday Funday! Bring the kiddos for a BIG blast of fun!

the urban forge

Live blacksmithing & custom wares.

terrain train

By the Ingeneers. Led by Elizabeth Wadsworth, Shannon Basalla, Ross Bochnek, & Sean Argyle, this train moves through all of earth's biomes, from Desert & Jungle & Depths of the Sea, to Our Own Backyards!

Poetry Free Cleveland

Stop by for a bit of verse just for you!

Rock N Roll

MICHAEL HARMS

Madame Sascha

Peek-a-Booth

DUSTY BUCKET & FRIENDS

Created in IngenuityLabs, this unique vending machine brings personalized performance to venues across the city!

Lucky 13 Slot Machine

Cabaret Stage

BY THE INGENEERS, HAMMERTIME

PRODUCTIONS & MICHAEL HARMS

With Cleveland Rocks Past Present Future, Meg Stepka plus Comedy, Variety, Drag & more after dark! Note: this stage is best for adults 18+ after 9 pm!

Family Village

HANDS ON KIDS CRAFTS, INFO & FAMILY SERVICES INCLUDING A SENSORY FRIENDLY ROOM, LIBRARY & NURSING/BABY CHANGING AREA.

Big Yellow House

Hands-on art from Broadway School of Music & the Arts, Arthouse Inc. and more! Drop in FRIDAY 6-9PM SATURDAY 1-3PM, 3-5PM, 7-9 PM SUNDAY 1-3PM, 3-5PM

PLUS, enter LOCOMOTION CENTRAl for an undersea blacklight experience, a calm and dark room with plenty of tactile experiences, soft toys and twinkly lights to both stimulate and de-sensitize in what can be an overwhelming environment. Parents also find seating, a library with books to take home, a changing table and room for nursing.

Trip to the Moon

THOMAS CONGER AND THE INGENEERS

Climb up our moonscape rockwall, or speed up your elevation just a bit with a ride to the 3rd floor.

Elevator #2

Looking to catch a ride?

Take Elevator #2 next to the Trip to the Moon Rock Wall up to the Enchanted Forest & Makers Mecca (3rd Floor), thanks to Imposters Theater.

The Great Hall LIGHT UP LABS, CREATOR CARLA, THOMAS CONGER, JEDI LIGHTS & SOUND

Each year, our 300' long Great Hall reinvents itself as our Festival's longest installation. This year, it's a journey through evolutionary time.

Dröhnen/Dröna (to roar/to drowse)

BBOB DRAKE

A site-reactive installation exploring space and resonance: a full-size recycled pipe organ under MIDI control via PureData, “live coding”, and analog synthesis. Complex drones, with continual micro-pitch/timber changes cause interacting beat frequencies and shifting dissonances/consonances.

Rollin' Buckeyez foundation

ROBIN FIONA

Video installation using traditional animation techniques to depict a dance by proxy- the body mediated through art and artifice.

Clare's Wares

Cam Creates ARt Studio

Georgian_Artist

Skin District Store

sprinkle it! cupcake and cookie cafe

Mechanique Biotique

FORMER SCRAPYARD SPACE

RECLAIMED FOR SOUND & SUNSHINE

Music Meadow Stage

Roots of American Music curates Mellow Afternoon Tunes and Lively Nighttime beats, with support from the Ohio Arts Council.

Plus, find restrooms, the Music Meadow Bar and fire and lightning all evening long!

Fire and Lightning

TESLA ORCHESTRA, FIRE GUYS AND FRIENDS

Combining 12 foot tesla coils, flame effects and reclaimed welded sculpture, this fire garden blooms with life approximately once per hour each evening.

Uuna Ahi

FIRE GUYS LLC

Uuna Ahi means "lots of fire," and was built in IngenuityLabs by Matt Hummel & Nate Clark with Stephanie Hummel, John Kasunich, Dan Austin, Matt Edick, and many more. See these ancient forms erupt each night after dark!

Hot Rocks Lava Lounge

JEN NICKLER

Kick back and go with the (lava) flow. Created with Michael Harms, Ross Bochneck & The Ingeneers.

Purpureus

Illuminera Studios, hailing from Ashville, brings us this larger than life floral creation.

Looking to catch a ride?

Take Elevator #3 behind and to the right of The Depot Stage straight to the 2nd floor (Dream Destinations),

Plus, find restrooms, the cabaret bar, drinking water & dining tent to sit and relax!

Cleveland's most unique pop-up experience that brings fun for all ages! Learn to roller skate, try out a bumper car, and HEAL through healthy play.

Sugar Bomb Confections

Jelly Dome

Another biological wonder from Illuminera, gently swing, sway, and enjoy underwater sensations in this Octopus's Garden.

VILLAGES CONTINUED ON PAGE 6

Featuring the multi-dimensional Tesseract Stage, Plus find Main Bar, Watershed Speakeasy & ATM!

activated by Imposters Theater.

Elevator #3

ABOUT

INGENUITYLABS & LABS MEMBERS

Our IngenuityLabs Incubator provides a supportive and accessible creative environment, resources and networking opportunities.

We encourage collaboration among artisans, technologists and innovators with our complementary year-round programs: the IngenuityLabs Incubator, the Ignite! series for creative entrepreneurs, monthly Ignite! Neighbor Nights and the community-driven creative collective, the Ingeneers.

IngenuityLabs

WELCOME TO OUR YEAR-ROUND EXPLORATION DESTINATIONMEET OUR MAKERS!

Brian Johnson Studios

Fabricated works, machinery, & adaptive bikes, plus check back soon for a custom-made CNC. Collaborations include Zephyr & The Lighthouse. Closed during IngenuityFest.

At Ingenuity Cleveland, we are thrilled to gather and celebrate our planet's wide array of resources and wonders, and the inventions and innovations that have brought us together across her varied terrains. Our flagship event, created alongside a wide community of artists, entrepreneurs, partners and performers, stretches from the depths of the sea to the vastness of space to the low echo of crystaline caves. Be sure to visit all four floors!

Fire Guys LLC

Incorporating Fire as a medium for interdisciplinary works large and small. Presenting works in Mechanique Biotique.

Makers Alliance

A home for tinkerers of all types to Make, Learn, Grow. Open during IngenuityFest.

five6 studios,Pagoda Printers, Jedi Lights & Sound, Galactic tNT Intertwined enterprises including printmaking, production & more. Presenting works in The Great Hall.

Splendid Dimensions

Immersive, interactive installations & visionary new media by Ross Bochnek. Presenting "Temple of Magnetite" in IngenuityLabs: carved from stone magnetized by lightning, this temple is "lost" in the jungle, but its energy continues to attract creatures large & small.

Hammertime Productions

Engaging diverse audiences & designers through pop-up programming, photoshoots & more. Presenting works in The Cabaret.

Cleveland Ghostbusters

Cosplay group serving all of the Sixth City's professional paranormal needs. Open during IngenuityFest.

Alma Vision: Cultura y mas

Alex Corona & Collaborators create the area's first Chicano-focused multimedia theater collective. Open during IngenuityFest.

Tesla Orchestra

Presenting GIANT 12-foot Tesla Coils for the first time in nearly a decade as part of "Fire & Lightning" with Fire Guys LLC, in Mechanique Biotique Friday & Saturday.

Metalmorphosis

John Kasunich's Art & Science of Metalworking. Collaborations include Zephyr, The Lighthouse, Onward & Upward. Closed during IngenuityFest.

Zephyr

By the Ingeneers. Made possible in 2023 by MOEN & Ohio Native Landscaping. Waterfall by John Kasunich, Jackie Young & Hannay Rodas.

onward & upward

By the Ingeneers. Alight and lift off, leave your cares on the ground.

The Lighthouse

By the Ingeneers. Alight and lift off, set your cares on the ground.

Light Up Labs

Reclaimed objects of all sorts, a-light with new life! Presenting works in The Great Hall & The Crystal Palace.

Cleveland Fabrication

Custom woodworking from a wayword engineer. Presenting works at The Depot & Music Meadow stages.

961 Collective

Custom Printing on restored machinery including vintage Heidelberg presses. Open during IngenuityFest.

Ed Morra Designs

Whimsical Machinations from the Ridiculous to the Sublime. Presenting the Giant Marble Machine: Drag Race & Lucky 13 Slot Machine.

Heyman! Productions

Extraordinary works from reclaimed objects. Presenting "Resonance" in Marquette St., "Analog Oasis" in Makers Mecca & "TreeVees in various locations.

Lettuce Tree Farm

Low-Carbon Urban Container Farm. Presenting in Mechanique Biotique.

Splicecream Truck

Collecting Community Stories, one Sweet Treat at a time. Presenting in IndusTree Alley and on the Crystal Palace Stage.

A journey across Space and Time, through Soaring Jungles and Crystal Caverns, IngenuityFest 2023: Biologies Geologies is at once whimsical and wholly serious in its dedication to our planet.

PARKING: $5 ($6 CREDIT CARD)

5000 LAKESIDE AVENUE, E

Free street parking is available on many side streets Parking on street and in lots is at your own risk. Lot is locked 30 minutes after close of IngenuityFest each evening.

ENTRANCES (EAST AND WEST):

EAST 53rd STREET (NEAR HAMILTON AVE) & MARQUETTE STREET (NEAR HAMILTON AVE)

BIKES: FREE SELF-PARKING RACKS 53RD ST ENTRANCE (Remember to bring a lock and park at your own risk!)

INFO + MERCH:

IngenuityLabs at the North Wall between IndusTree Alley and Mechanique Biotique.

SUSTAINABILITY:

Striving for Zero Waste—Look before you throw You can help make IngenuityFest environmentally friendly by avoiding single-use plastic like water bottles and straws. Reusable bottles are available for purchase, with water stations and free compostable cups throughout the Fest. You will see bins for compost, recycling, and landfill. Most of the food service products are biodegradable and compostable in the green bins. So are paper towels. Please look at the signs over the bins, talk to volunteers, and be thoughtful when disposing. Thanks to our partners Rust Belt Riders.

ACCESSIBLE SERVICES: ADA

QUESTIONS OR NEED HELP?

MEDICAL:

Medical Tent by MetroHealth located at center of event site in IndusTree Alley. EMS pickup at 53rd Street gate.

RESTROOMS:

Located in the outdoor lots in IndusTree Alley, near the entrance to IngenuityLabs, in Mechanique Biotique, and on the third floor in Makers Mecca. Some of our indoor bathrooms are all-gender, with single stalls.

ATMS:

Located at Main Bar in IngenuityLabs and on the 2nd Floor in Crystal Palace.

SMOKING:

Outdoors in designated areas only. PLEASE BE CAREFUL & THOUGHTFUL WHEN EXPLORING INGENUITYFEST AND ITS UNIQUE OFFERINGS! OUR FACILITY IS AN OLD INDUSTRIAL SITE WITH INHERENT RISKS SUCH AS UNEVEN FLOORING; YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SAFETY - PLEASE WATCH YOUR STEP AND STAY IN MARKED EXHIBIT AREAS!

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 3

FESTIVAL VILLAGES

dream destinations

LARGER THAN LIFE INSTALLATIONS AND UNEXPECTED MOMENTS

The treehouse

DINA HOEYNCK & THE INGENEERS

Revisit childhood memories of fireflies & starry skies - climb, crawl, and record a story to share. With Jeremy Waters, Morgan Ferweda, Tim Christman, Jim Johnson, Christi Heartlily and may more!

Big Hearted Blooms

CM Manfredi's Emporium of Wonders

Artists in the Dark

CHRIS SZAJBERT

Take a front row seat - or play a role - in the development of a new work. Interactive, curated and ever-evolving, Artists in the Dark is a collaboration with video artist Don Pavlish and collaborators Faye Hargate, Joan Hargate & Adam Goldfarb.

I am Protected

LACY TALLEY

Zen Soundscapes

AMANDA NYX & MICHAEL MCFARLAND

Salon Obscura

ANDERSON RUSH & FRIENDS

A working Camera Obscura. Step inside to observe the phenomenon that ushered in the age of photographic technology. Showing shorts by CSU Film Fest winners and others after dark.

SEASONS OF TIME

MICHAEL HARMS

Chimera: The Labyrinth

JACOB LIPTOW

The pull and shape of the wind

ANDREW KALETTA

the grotto

BRIAN JOHNSON, FREE FLOW PLUMBING & THE INGENEERS

Prepare to get lightly Kissed by Mist!

Atlas & aether

Ofrenda Prints

Rocks are People Too

Ink & Vespers

Da BASSment Dwellers

Big Hearted Blooms

cm Manfredi's Emporium of Wonders

Tribe pride

ROBIN ROBINSON & FRIENDS

Explore memories, mythologies & visions of the Hopi & Cherokee nation.

CONTROLLED

RELEASE: SOIL TO OIL TO SOIL

DIANA SETTE & TEAM

Explore pathways of biologies and geologies from the Amazon to Ohio with meditations on our relationship with Nature. Works by Diana Sette, Arron Bound, Mary Kelsey, Laura Swedenborg Cara Romano and Erin Laffay.

Step back in time to the elegant, Immaculate Crystal

Palace Stage

Plus Find the Crystal Palace bar & ATM!

LIGHT UP LABS

Hearkening back to the London Expo of 1851, this greenhouse-inspired space dripping with blooms hosts intimate acts including spoken word, DJ hardware sets and light shows, with danceable vibes at night.

Elevator #3

Looking to catch a ride? Take Elevator #3 next to the Crystal Palace Stage down to The Depot Stage on 1st floor in (IndusTree Alley).

Enchanted Forest

OTHERWORLDLY EXHIBITORS, MUSIC & ART ALONG WITH A CHILL, DOWNTEMPO FOREST FULL OF PROJECTED LIGHT AND SURPRISES.

Classy in Cleveland

The Ivy Toadstool

Mothium Creations

p31 Art and Design

Forest Lounge

KEVIN JACKSON & FRIENDS

Immerse yourself in a 270* projection mapped landscape, and stand on the precipice of another world. Ambient downtempo performance all day:

Fri/22 Justin Hartman (6pm)

Jesse Hawk (7:30pm)

1Auxy (9pm)

Sat/23 Kevin Jackson (2pm)

Mark Strauss (3:30pm)

Jason Soditch (5pm)

Justin Hartman (6:30pm)

LOFILA (8pm)

Sun/24 Justin Hartman & Jason Soditch duo (1pm-close)

Rhizome

ED MORRA & FRIENDS

Meshed Jellies

TOM STOLL/KITEFISH LABS

Peer through the dripping foliage as small creatures with LED appendages & circuitry for brains gather into a network of colors & blinks.

Melissa Ajayi Dance

EXCERPTS PERFORMED AT:

Fri/22 7pm, 7:30, 8pm, 8:30

Sat/23 7pm, 7:30, 8pm, 8:30

Sun/24 2pm, 2:30, 3pm, 3:30

Elevator #2

Looking to catch a ride? Take Elevator #2 from the Enchanted Forest & Makers Mecca (3rd Floor) back to Family Village (Floor 1).

Makers Mecca

HANDS-ON & INTERACTIVE MEETS SMALL BUSINESS ENTREPRENEURSHIP

PLUS!

Star Catcher and Ace of Wands Studios

Free Bird Jewelry

MercyWerks Studios

My Turquoise Kitten

LT Squared

Daniel's Creeptorium

Black Hippie Official

Stitchen It

Photogenic Collection

SpillProofLiquid

Black It Up

Nicole Carroll

Odyssey and Oddities

Rocket E3

SoulCrafted Creations

Dean's Candles AND More

Y2Kute

Venus In Aquarius Apothica

Citrus Witch Craft

Gypsy Moth

Happy Bear

J&J Industries

Kitefish Labs

TOM STOLL

Analog OASIS

RYAN KINNEY

Ephemera and artifacts of the natural world build an unexpected respite.

Elevator #1

Looking to catch a ride? Take Elevator #1 down to IngenuityLabs or up to Ideation Station on the 4th floor.

Miltonimo and Skuff Micksun

Serpent and Crow

Cold Eyed Creeps

aleXria

sugarforbrains

Office Hours

ASSEMBLY FOR THE ARTS

PLUS! Catch Office Hours to learn about Assembly's work!

Sat/23 1-6 pm

Sun/24 1-4 pm

Ideation Station

SPEAKERS, IDEAS & MORE!

Cleveland Public Library Tech Central

Mobile MakerSpace offers a variety of hands-on activities from Laser Engraving, 3D printing, Virtual Reality, and more.

shaker fencing

Narrative Roux

The DARL Center for the Arts

Artistic Medicine Corp

Great Lakes Health and Wellness

Bike Cleveland

Famicos Foundation

Cleveland Metroparks

Cleveland Museum of Natural History

CDPH Dept. of Air Quality

Cuyahoga County Dept. of Susatinability

Cleveland Job Corps

NASA GVIS Labs

Grok - The Fighting Unicorns

Jim Kukral

Shawn Kerns

Cleveland Game Developers

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

WRUW-FM 91.1

Justin Gibbs/Dark Arts Studios

Word Party

PHOENIX VIZVA'I

Take the load off your feet and exercise your brain with this interconnectd vocab game for a group!

Elevator #1

Looking to catch a ride?

Take Elevator #1 down to Makers Mecca (3rd floor) or IngenuityLabs (1st floor).

Marquette street

INGENUITY'S ALL NEW, LAKEVIEW FESTIVAL VILLAGE AND STAGE!

Featuring The AMETHYST Stage

PRESENTED BY THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME & ROCKPORT READY MIX plus find foodtrucks, restrooms, and a sweet view!

Maple Ridge Farm Resonance

RYAN KINNEY

If forgotten memories fall in the forest, do they make a sound? Add your note to our biomechanical instrument playground to find out.

IngenuityLabs and The Hamilton Collaborative

Ingenuity is proud to be a founding partner of the Hamilton Collaborative.

We are redefining growth and innovation as an open, intentional community, managed cooperatively, providing tools, space and knowledge.

We nurture a thriving family of creative entrepreneurs and, together with these partners, we are transforming a 100-year old factory with a new economic and social model for Cleveland. Our partners include:

Soulcraft CLE

Artisan woodshop offering classes at a range of skill levels, space for emerging woodworkers, and high-end custom furniture.

Architecture Office

Boutique contemporary architecture firm restoring Cleveland’s urban fabric.

Rebuilders XChange

50,000 square feet full of architectural salvage & construction materials, plus custom fabrication services. Regular hours Thurs-Saturday 9am-4pm Closed during IngenuityFest.

MorrisonDance

A Modern company continuously challenging the traditional of understanding dance.

Former members include: Skidmark Garage, Rust Belt Riders & 3 Barn Doors

ABOUT ANNOUNCING BIG NEWS!

Ingenuity is announcing an expansion of ingenuitylabs!

After five years of careful study and planning, piloting year-round programming to serve creative entrepreneurs, our neighborhood, and our entire region from our home base in St. Clair Superior, we're so excited to announce that we've signed up for five more, plus a five year option! As we head into our 20th anniversary season in 2024, we can't wait to unlock the possibilities that 10 years of long-term stability and growth will bring.

We are slated to nearly triple our footprint over this time, opening up more than 100,000 square feet of BIG LOUD INNOVATIVE SPACE for creatives, as well as additional shared maker shops, new educational facilities, clean-tech spaces, and room to more than double our IngenuityLabs Incubator class of 24 small creative businesses.

IngenuityLabs is a totally unique environment where printmakers and fabricators, flame effects and fine artists can thrive side by side with unmatched access to tools for innovation, ranging from 10- and 20-ton bridge cranes to 3-phase power, soaring ceilings and, above all, a peer community. Currently, we are open and programming more than 150 days a year, most free and open to the public. And we're just getting started . . .

Won't You Join Us?

Reach out to emily@ingenuitycleveland.org

EMERITUS BOARD

James DeRosa

Doug Hoffman

Joseph Marinucci

INGENEERS

PRODUCTION TEAM

Chuck Karnak Production Director

James Carol Music Manager

John Kasunich Technical Advisor Arron Bound IngenuityLabs Coordinator

IngenuityLabs Crew Members: Tim Christman, Brett Woods-Hill, Jim Johnson, Kevin Ballou, Moy Aguirre, Michael Harms, Ryan Kinney, Jeremy Waters, Jacci Hammer, Vicki Radcliffe

Grafton Nunes Tony Sias Deb Wilcox Dave Tabor

Ian Keating Mullany

Ryan Kinney

Maddie Koballa

Tara Lindsay

Michael McFarland

Bob McNulty

Bill McReynolds

Ed Morra

Jen Nickler

Amanda Nyx

Glenn Paumier

Sascha Peppercorn

Steve Pitman

Vicki Radcliffe

Joshua Sears

Gabe Smith

Zach Smith

Tom Stoll

Phoenix Vizva'i

Elizabeth Wadsworth

Jeremy Waters

Kix Williams

Brett Woods-Hill

Cleveland Institute of Art | Cuyahoga Community College | Rust Belt Riders | Sherwin Williams

Cleveland State University | Margaret W. Wong & Associates | CAN Journal

Program printing supported by:

catalyzing innovation through marketing every day!

BEST OF CLEVELAND

PEOPLE + PLACES

Best College Radio Station

1. 89.3 WCSB — Cleveland State University

2. 89.7 WKSU – Kent State University

3. 88.7 WJCU – John Carroll University

Best Bed and Breakfast

1. Glidden House

2. Inn of Chagrin

3. The Anchor Inn, Put in Bay

Best Private High School

1. St. Ignatius

2. Laurel School

3. Hathaway Brown School

Best Radio Station

1. 100.7 WMMS

2. 107.3 Alternative Cleveland

3. 89.7 WKSU

Best Family Outing

1. Cleveland Metroparks Zoo

2. Edgewater Beach

3. Great Lakes Science Center

Best Indoor Wedding Venue

1. Windows on the River

2. Gordon Green

3. The Elliot

Best Sports Reporter

1. Jim Donovan

2. Andre Knott

3. Mary Kay Cabot

Best Outdoor Wedding Venue

1. Cleveland Botanical Gardens

2. Gervasi Vineyards

3. Sapphire Creek Winery and Gardens

Best Radio Show

1. The Alan Cox Show

2. The Jen and Tim Show

3. Rover’s Morning Glory

Best Sports Talker

1. Cody Brown

2. Tony Rizzo

3. Ken Carman

Best Charity or Nonprofit

1. Friends of City Dogs Cleveland

2. A Special Wish Foundation Northeast Ohio

3. Building Hope in the City

Best Place to Buy a House

1. Lakewood

2. Rocky River

3. Cleveland Heights

Best Apartment Complex

1. Crocker Park Living

2. The Flats at East Bank

3.

Best Drag Performer

1. Onya Nerve

2. Peach Fuzz

3. Anhedonia Delight

Best Place for a Kid’s Birthday Party

1. Swings and Things

2. Children’s Museum

3. Play CLE

Best Place to Work

1. Cleveland Clinic

2. Progressive

3. The Foundry Concert Club

Best Place to Take a Visitor

1. West Side Market

2. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

3. Cleveland Museum of Art

Best College or University

1. Case Western Reserve University

2. Cleveland State University

2. Kent State University

Best Activist

1. Dr. Lady J

2. Liz Maugans

3. Molly Martin

Best Anchor

1. Betsy Kling

2. Natalie Herbick

3. Wayne Dawson

Best Place for a First Date

1. Pier W

2. Cloak and Dagger

3 (Tie). All Saints Public House

3 (Tie). Rood Food and Pie

The Brick Lofts at Historic West Tech

BEST OF CLEVELAND

SHOPS + SERVICES

Best Beer Selection

1. Simone’s Beverage

2. Rozi’s Wine House

3. The Wine Spot

Best Cleveland Maker

1. Cleveland Candle Company

2. Waxing Moon Candle Shop

3. Everarbor

Best Jewelry Store

1. Oceanne

2. Zay Jeweler

3. Alson Jewelers

Best Boutique

1. Salty Not Sweet

2. Doki Doki Kawaii Shop

3. Oktober’s

Best Local Jewelry Maker

1. Oceanne

2. Lake Witch

3. Liza Michelle Jewelry

Best Adult Store

1. Adultmart

2. Dean Rufus House of Fun

3. High Society Boutique

Best Grocery Store

1. Heinen’s

2. Lucky’s Market

3. Ohio City Provisions

Best Comic/Collectibles Shop

1. Carol & John’s Comic Book Shop

2. Apple Jax Toys

3. Superscript Comics and Games

Best Consignment Shop

1. Flower Child

2. Common Threads

3. Salty Not Sweet

Best Barber Shop

1. Black Cat Barbershop

2. Quintana’s

3 (Tie). Principle

3 (Tie). City Breaks

Best Toy Store

1. Apple Jax Toys

2. Once Upon a Time

3. Doki Doki Kawaii Shop

Best Thrift Store

1. Common Threads

2. Sweet Lorain

3. Savers

Best Local Smoke Shop

1. Daystar

2. Planet of the Vapes

3. Hippie House

Best Pet-Related Business

1. Paws in the Land LLC

2. Pets General Store

Best Massage Salon

1. Sacred Hour

Best Auto Repair

1. Cleveland Curiosities

2. Sweet Lorain

3. All Things For You

Best Women’s Clothing Store

1. Banyan Tree

2. Milo & Me

3. Slow Union

Best Tattoo Artist

1. Lauren Vandevier

2. John McGrath

3. Riley Wade Chase

Best Bicycle Shop

1. Eddy’s Bike Shop

2. Century Cycle

3. Joy Machines

Best Store To Purchase CBD

1. Planet of the Vapes

2. American Shaman

3. Kerwel

Best Occult Store

1. Cleveland Curiosities

2. Oktober’s

3. Buckland Museum of Witchcraft & Magick

Best Local Game Store

1. The Exchange

2. Superscript Comics and Games

Best Antique Shop

3. Critical Hit Games

3. Sits ‘n Wiggles Dog Training

2. Urban Haven Massage

3. Root Healing Therapy

1. Bruce’s Automotive

2. Drellishak’s

3. Bryan’s Marathon

SincethebeginningofOhio'smedicalprogram

TheBotanisthasbeenhere,helpingpatientsand caregiverswiththeirquestionsandproviding themwiththemedicationstheyneed.

TheBotanistisextremelyproudoftheworkwe've donesofar,andwelookforwardtocontinuingto serveyouandourcommunity.

Toallofourloyalpatients,

Don'tmiss outonthe inside scoop.

Scanthis QRCodeto signup now!

SHOPS + SERVICES

Best Wine Store

1. Rozi’s Wine House

2. Minotti’s

3. The Wine Spot

Best Place to Furnish Your Home

1. FIG Chagrin

2. Magnolia

3. Helm Collective

Best Florist

1. Urban Orchid

2. Blossom Flower Bar

3. Merkels Floral Studio

Best Vape Shop

1. Planet of the Vapes

2. Hippie House

3. High Society Boutique

Best Home/Garden Shop

1. Petitti’s

2. Lakewood Garden Center

3. Gale’s

Best Pet Shop

1. Luca’s Barkery

2. Pet’s General Store

3. Style Mutt

Best Hobby Store

1. Cleveland Curiosities

2. Apple Jax Toys

3. Doki Doki Kawaii Shop

Best Place to Buy Sneakers

1. Second Sole

2. Westside Skates

3. My Cuzin Vintage

Best Store To Find a Place of Cleveland

1. CLE Clothing Co.

2. Made in Cleveland

3. Salty Not Sweet

Best Eyewear

1. Eye Candy

2. Eyes on Chagrin

3. Eyetique

Best Spa

1. Sacred Hour

2. Flower Power

3. Woodhouse Spa

Best Bookstore

1. Loganberry Books

2. The Bookshop in Lakewood

3. Mac’s Backs

Best Local Fashion Designer

1. Valerie Mayen-Yellowcake Shop

2. FriskMeGood

3. Everarbor

Best Barber

1. Steve Kolis

2. Julia Ramsey

3 (Tie). Ryan Hardwick

3 (Tie). Chuck Falk

Best Tattoo Shop

1. Lakewood Electric

2. Tattoo Therapy Ink

3. Reflection Room Tattoo Co.

Best Place to Buy a Wedding Dress

1. Radiant Bride

2. Brides By The Falls

3 (Tie). Liliana

3 (Tie). Harper & Ivory

Best Record Store

1. The Exchange

2. My Mind’s Eye

3. Blue Arrow

Best Medical Marijuana Dispensary

1. The Botanist

2. Rise

3. Amplify

Best Cigar Shop

1. Cigar Cigars

2. Cousin’s

3. Mayfield Smoke Shop

Best Stylist

1. Marco Alexzander

2. Kelly Mocny

3. Kathleen Rose McKinney

Best T-Shirt Company

1. Cleveland Clothing Company

2. GV Art and Design

3. Ilthy

Best Place for a Mani/Pedi

1. Stella and Shay Beauty Bar

2. 50 Shades of Polish

3. Glossy Nails

Best Vintage Store

1. Flower Child

2. Sweet Lorain

3. Magically Found

Best Local Clothing Detail

1. Cleveland Clothing Company

2. GV Art and Design

3. Emily Roggenburk

Best Car Dealership

1. Brunswick Subaru

2. Simon Says

3. Classic Volkswagen

Best Art Supply Store

1. Lakewood Art Supply

2. Blick

3. Upcycle Parts Shop

Best Men’s Clothing Store

1. Geiger’s

2. Cool Water Dry Goods

3 (Tie). Whiskey Grade

3 (Tie). Arch

Best Health and Beauty Shop

1. Stem

2. Revival Body Care

3. SLFMKR

Best Place to Buy a Musical Instrument

1. Cleveland Violins

2. Arrowhead Music

3. Woodsy’s

Best Salon

1. Dino Palmieri Salon Eton

2. Marco Alexzander Salon

3. Green Opal

Best Gift Shop

1. Cleveland Curiosities

2. Made Cleveland

3. Spellbound

Best Furniture Maker

1. Rustbelt Reclamation

2. Shred & Co

3. Dave Crider

Courtesy Flower Child GB

BEST OF CLEVELAND

SPORTS + RECREATION

Best Golf Course

Best Running Trail

Best Public Pool

1. Lakewood

Best Cleveland Cavalier

1. Donovan Mitchell

2. Darius Garland

Best Cleveland Brown

1. Nick Chubb

2. Myles Garrett

Best Darts

1. Harbor Inn

Best State Park

1. Hocking Hills

Best Yoga Studio

Best College Teams

1. Ohio State Buckeyes

Best Bowling Alley

2. Corner Alley

Best Place to Ski

1. Brandywine

Best Billiards

2. Cleveland State Vikings

Best Sporting Goods Store

1. Geiger’s Best Speciality Exercise Classes

1. Cycle Fly

2. Harness Cycle

3. Sky Aerial Studios

Best Beach

1. Edgewater Beach

Best Bike Path

Best Dog Park

1. Lakewood Dog Park

2. Taps & Tails

3. Bow Wow Beach

Best Camping Site Within an Hour of Cleveland

1. Mohican

2. Nelson Ledges

3. Geneva On The Lake

Best Cleveland Guardian

1. Jose Ramirez

2. Steven Kwan

3. Josh Naylor

Best Skate Shop

1. Westside Skates

2. Skater’s Edge

3. Tri-Star Skateboards

Best Gym

1. Results Fitness

2. Upgraded Industries

3. Tremont Athletic Club

Best Place to Hike

1. Cuyahoga Valley National Park

2. Rocky River Reservation

3. North Chagrin Reservation

1. Sleepy Hollow

2. Manakiki

3. Big Met

3. Evan Mobley

3. Denzel Ward

2. Flying Monkey

3. Iggy’s

2. Headlands Beach

3. Punderson

1. Rocky River Reservation

2. Towpath Trail

3. North Chagrin Reservation

1. Harmony

2. Inner Bliss

3. Lakewood Yoga

1. Mahall’s

3. Yorktown Lanes

2. Boston Mills

1. Iggy’s Bar

2. B&G Tavern

3. The Richland

1. Towpath

2. Rocky River Reservoir

3. Tremont Towpath

2. Beachwood

3. Westlake Clague Park

2. Huntington Beach

3. Mentor Headlands

Jannik Stegen

GET OUT Everything to do in Cleveland for the next two weeks

WED 09/20

The Tempest

The exiled Duchess of Milan must decide whether to move forward or dwell in the anger of the past in this Shakespeare play presented by Cleveland Play House. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30 at the Helen, where performances continue through Sept. 30.

1407 Euclid Ave, 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

Thurgood

Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall devoted his life to championing justice and equality for all people, and this biographical play chronicles the man’s many achievements. It stars film, TV, and regional theater veteran Lester Purry. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30 at the Allen Theatre, where performances continue through Oct. 1.

1407 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

THU 09/21

Amadeus

Richard Kaufman conducts the Cleveland Orchestra tonight at Mandel Concert Hall as it plays the orchestral underscore during a screening of the classic period film Amadeus. The concert begins at 7:30, and performances also take place tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday.

11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.

Bubba Dubb

Celebrities such as Shannon Sharpe, Stephen A Smith, 50cent, Snoop Dogg and Gillie the Kid have borrowed catchphrases from this popular comedian who’s known for his Snitching on Rogers skits he posts on YouTube and Instagram. He performs tonight at 7:30 at the Improv. 1148 Main Ave., 216-696-IMPROV, clevelandimprov.com.

Fashion After Dark Grand Opening Ceremony

This new exhibit at the Western Reserve Historical Society will simulate the atmosphere of an evening on Euclid Avenue near the end of the 19th century with immersive lighting and sound.

It opens with a special ceremony that takes place tonight at 6. Tickets cost $40, $20 for WRHS members. 10825 East Blvd., 216-721-5722, wrhs.org.

Tina Fey & Amy Poehler: Restless Leg Syndrome

Comedic actresses Amy Poehler and Tina Fey celebrate their 30 years of friendship with an evening of jokes, stories and entertainment in this show that takes place tonight at 8 at the State Theatre. Performances continue through Sunday. 1519 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

Guardians vs. Baltimore Orioles

The Baltimore Orioles have accrued one of baseball’s best records and

remain in contention for the top seed in the AL despite playing in the very competitive AL East. They arrive tonight for a four-game series at Progressive Field. First pitch is at 7:10.

2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb.com/guardians.

FRI 09/22

Carmen and Other Works

This new interpretation of Carmen promises to deliver a “tale of passion, romance and sensuality.” Performances take place at 7 tonight and tomorrow night at Connor Palace.

1615 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

Jess Hilarious

This comedian has worked with acts such as Bruce Bruce, Anthony “AJ” Johnson, Rickey Smiley and Reginald Ballard during the course of her comedy career, which launched when some of her skits went viral. She performs at 7:30 tonight and at 6:30 and 9 tomorrow night at the Improv. 1148 Main Ave., 216-696-IMPROV, clevelandimprov.com.

IngenuityFest 2023: Biologies & Geologies

Dedicated to a rebirth, this year’s IngenuityFest will explore how human innovation impacts the Earth. “IngenuityFest 2023 is a journey through crystal caverns,

IngenuityFest 2023: Biologies & Geologies takes place at IngenuityLabs. See: Friday, Sept. 22. Courtesy of IngenuityFest

aquatic landscapes and more, at once whimsical and wholly serious in its dedication to environmental stewardship, sustainability and innovation and human invention,” reads a press release about the annual event. There will be unique performance spaces, original works, and hundreds of exhibitors, performers and artisans. The event runs today through Sunday at IngenuityLabs.

5401 Hamilton Ave., 216-589-9444, ingenuitycleveland.org.

Natasha, Pierre & the Great Comet of 1812

Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace inspired this electropop opera from award-winning composer (and Lakewood, OH native) Dave Malloy. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30 at the Hanna Theatre, where performances continue through Oct. 8. 2067 East 14th St., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

Mike Polk Jr. Show Live

If you’ve seen local comedian Mike Polk Jr., the man behind the Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video, the Factory of Sadness video (parts one and two), Last Call Cleveland comedy troupe and The Mike Polk Jr. Show, perform live, you know he really thrives on having an audience at his disposal. He hosts the Mike Polk Jr. Show Live tonight at 9 in the Frolic Cabaret room at Hilarities.

2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.

SAT 09/23

The Sip at Cain Park

The inaugural Sip at Cain Park festival promises to offer “the perfect blend of taste, entertainment, and camaraderie,” as it’s put in a press release. The event begins at 2 p.m. at Cain Park in Cleveland Heights. 14591 Superior Rd., Cleveland Heights, 216-371-3000, cainpark.com.

SUN 09/24

Browns vs. Tennessee Titans

After making the playoffs three years in a row, the Tennessee Titans took a step back last year and finished the season a disappointing 7-10. They’ll be looking to regain form this season, and the defenseminded team will visit Cleveland Browns Stadium today at 1 p.m. 100 Alfred Lerner Way, 440-8915000, clevelandbrowns.com.

MON 09/25

Memorial Monday

Every Monday through Sept. 25, Fort Huntington Park hosts food trucks and live music between 11:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. for this special event. Admission is free, but the food will cost you., West 3rd St. and West Lakeside Ave., downtowncleveland.com.

TUE 09/26

Guardians vs. Cincinnati Reds

One of this year’s MLB surprises, the Cincinnati Reds come to Progressive Field tonight and tomorrow night for a two-game series. The Reds need wins to stay in contention for playoff spots/ seedings, so the games should have some intensity to them. Both games begin at 6:10. 2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb. com/guardians.

WED 09/27

Eddie Izzard: The Remix: The First 35 Years

This comedian and actor’s new live show chronicles 35 years of sellout comedy shows that stretch from the Ambassadors in 1993 to Wunderbar in 2019. Tonight’s performance begins at 8 at Connor Palace. 1615 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

SuperBlue: Kurt Elling and Charlie Hunter Grammy winner Kurt Elling is one of today’s preeminent male jazz vocalists SuperBlue represents his recent collaboration with producer/guitarist Charlie Hunter and the multi-instrumentalist duo of drummer Corey Fonville and bassist-keyboardist DJ Harrison. Expect, as it’s put in a press release, a “kaleidoscopic collection of new songs, surprising covers, and dynamic reinventions” when the group performs tonight at 7:30 at the Cleveland Museum of Art. 11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.

THU 09/28

Marquee Moments

Local artists and multi-platinum singer-songwriter Andy Grammer will perform at this free community event at Playhouse Square that’ll culminate in the lighting of Playhouse Square’s new marquees and a spectacular digital

installation. It all starts at 5:30 p.m. 1501 Euclid Ave, 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

Trifnov Plays Brahms

The winner of the 2011 Tchaikovsky International Piano Competition and a Cleveland favorite, Daniil Trifonov teams up with the Cleveland Orchestra tonight at 7:30 at Mandel Concert Hall to play pieces by Brahms and Prokofiev. The program repeats at 3 p.m. on Sunday. 11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com

FRI 09/29

Soh-Hyun Park Altino: Traditional Korean Sanjo on the Violin Coinciding with the Cleveland Museum of Art exhibition Material and Immaterial in Korean Modern and Contemporary Art, Soh-Hyun Park Altino discusses and performs the world premiere of the violin version of “The Long Sanjo.” Sanjo is a genre of Korean traditional folk music composed for a solo melodic instrument, such as the zither(kayagum) or flute (taegŭm), accompanied by the changgu, an hourglass-shaped drum. The talk and performance begins today at noon at the Cleveland Museum of Art. Admission is free.

11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.

Caesar’s Forum Presents: A Fugitive’s Lesson

Two absurdist comic European plays that intertwine sexual, ethical and legal responsibility to nonsensical ends makes up this play that concerns a professor and the frustrations evidenced by the ignorance of his pupil. Performances take place at 8 tonight and tomorrow night at Kennedy’s Cabaret.

1501 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

Nick Offerman: Live!

The funny actor and comedian comes to Connor Palace for an event billed as “a night of deliberative talking, mirth, and music.” “If the evening is light on dance, the audience has only themselves to blame,” states the very Offerman-like press release. The event begins at 8 p.m. at Connor Palace. 1615 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

Ed Bassmaster

A comedian and internet sensation, Ed Bassmaster has attracted millions with his unique brand of comedy. From his famous characters to his witty improvisations, his humor has turned him into a global sensation. He performs tonight at the Asylum Room at TempleLive Cleveland.

3615 Euclid Ave., 216-881-6350, masoniccleveland.com.

Hispanic Heritage Celebration

This annual event that takes place from noon to 4 p.m. today at the Rock Hall offers “inspiring” group of performers and community organizations from Northeast Ohio that will commemorate the Hispanic culture and highlight Latin and Hispanic music, dance and art. 1100 Rock and Roll Blvd., 216-5158444, rockhall.com.

SUN 10/01

Browns vs. Baltimore Ravens

The Browns take on their division foes today as the Baltimore Ravens arrive in town for a game that begins at 1 p.m. at Cleveland Browns Stadium. After some off-season drama, the Ravens resigned quarterback Lamar Jackson and look to again be a playoff-caliber team. 100 Alfred Lerner Way, 440-891-5000, clevelandbrowns.com.

TUE 10/03

The Freakonomics of Cleveland

This City Club event features Stephen Dubner, co-author of the bestselling Freakonomics books and host of Freakonomics Radio. After he gives a keynote address, Cleveland Mayor Justin M. Bibb will join him onstage to delve into the economic landscape of Greater Cleveland. The event begins at 5 p.m. at the Ohio Theatre. 1501 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

The Wiz

A new production of the Tony-winning musical that’s an adaptation of the Frank Baum’s The Wizard of Oz arrives at Connor Palace this month for an extended run. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30. 1615 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

SAT

GROG

CARLOS

(+)

+SISTER

MOVIES

PLAY CHRISTIE FOR ME

In A Haunting in Venice, Kenneth Branagh takes a liberal hand with Britain’s best-loved author

By Cliff Froehlich

ALTHOUGH NOW DEAD for nearly 50 years— she expired in 1976 at age 85 — Agatha Christie remains as mysteriously ubiquitous as ever. Rivaled in sales only by William Shakespeare — and let’s acknowledge that he received a 330-year head start — Christie has conservatively moved more than 2 billion books since The Mysterious Affair at Styles, her 1920 debut. And the tally continues its dizzying rise: With her work available in more than 100 languages — she’s also considered the world’s most translated author — Christie still manages to sell as many as 5 million books annually.

Exactly why Christie exerts such an inexorable magnetic pull on readers isn’t easily explained, but the combination of her dialogueheavy, easily grasped prose, elaborately baroque plots and comfortably familiar recurrent characters (Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple most prominently) ensnare fans with the same capture-andkeep efficiency as a mousetrap. ( The Mousetrap, of course, is her most famous play, whose epic West End run — history’s longest — began in 1958 and could only be halted by the onset of a worldwide pandemic. Further attesting to Christie’s persistent cultural relevance, a production of The Mousetrap makes its long-delayed Broadway debut later this year.)

Although largely immune to the allure of mysteries, I confess my own grade-school infatuation with Christie, a sort of literary puppy love: She was among the first writers whose other work I consciously sought out after reading one of her novels. But after imbibing Christie’s pleasant English tea for a few books, I soon desired stronger stuff. Since those youthful days, I’ve largely ignored Dame Agatha, with the exception of Sidney Lumet’s entertaining Murder on the Orient Express in 1974.

Which at last brings us, with appropriately Christie-like scene-setting deliberateness and indirection, to Kenneth Branagh’s A Haunting in Venice. The third of Branagh’s Christie adaptations — following his 2017 Murder on

the Orient Express and last year’s Death on the Nile — Haunting follows the template established by its predecessors: sprawling boldface-name cast, exotic locale, plush production values, flamboyant visuals. As before, Branagh himself stars as the famed, elaborately mustachioed Belgian detective Hercule Poirot, here retired to postWorld War II Venice and striving to avoid any further entanglements in murderous doings.

But, inevitably, someone coaxes Poirot from seclusion and back into the game: Mystery writer Ariadne Oliver (Tina Fey) manages to lure her old friend into accompanying her to a children’s Halloween party and — the true bait — a post-soiree séance at the decaying and allegedly ghost-ridden palazzo of bereaved opera singer Rowena Drake ( Yellowstone’s Kelly Reilly). Rowena has secured occultist Mrs. Reynolds (the post-Oscar Michelle Yeoh) to conjure the spirit of her recently drowned daughter, Alicia (Rowan Robinson), an apparent suicide. Among the other participants gathered to summon Alicia: her caddish former fiancé (Kyle Allen), her physician (Jamie Dornan) and his intellectually precocious young son (Jude Hill), Rowena’s ex-nun housekeeper (Call My Agent’s Camille Cottin) and Poirot’s bodyguard (Richard Scamarcio).

Angling for a bestseller after a string of commercial disappointments, Ariadne hopes Poirot will help supply some

raw material by debunking Mrs. Reynolds’ supernatural powers. He initially seems to deliver by quickly uncovering the spiritualist’s hidden assistants, a Roma brother and sister (Ali Khan and Emma Laird). But odd, inexplicable occurrences continue even after the pair’s discovery, and then the film’s first body quite literally drops. As a fierce storm descends on Venice, roiling the waters of the city’s canals and trapping the séancegoers in the palazzo, Poirot must both ferret out the killer and grapple with increasing self-doubt about his rationalist worldview: Perhaps this house truly is haunted.

Christie completists puzzled by their failure to recognize the film’s plot needn’t fret. Although A Haunting in Venice purportedly adapts her late-career Hallowe’en Night (1969), the filmmakers use so little of the novel that it’s essentially a wholly original work. Branagh and screenwriter Michael Green — his collaborator on all three Christie films — not only move the action from the English countryside to Venice, they add the supernatural theme, invent an entirely new set of characters and retain only the faintest hint of the story (both film and book feature an attack when bobbing for apples, but the movie swaps in Poirot as the victim). For the most part, those wholesale changes are all to the good: Hallowe’en Night is a dull, convoluted slog, though Christie legitimately startles with her

decision to dispatch not one but two children, and without even modest sympathy.

Unfortunately for Branagh, his Christie films suffer a bit by comparison with Rian Johnson’s more sprightly, satiric Knives Out whodunits, in which Daniel Craig’s comically droll Benoit Blanc proves a far more winning detective than the dour Poirot, whose depressive aspect is overemphasized in these recent adaptations (even his creator eventually found Poirot something of an egotistic bore). It’s also mildly disappointing to see Branagh again retreat to safe commercial ground after his deserved success with the semi-autobiographical Belfast, in which Dornan and Hill also play father and son but in a much more realistic and affecting manner.

Still, Branagh’s old-fashioned approach to Christie undeniably matches the sensibility of the author, and Haunting provides a large measure of pleasure, including Fey’s wry take on Christie’s Dr. Watson-style selfportrait, Hill’s budding Poirot in miniature and the expressionistic brio of cinematographer Haris Zambarloukos’ fisheye lenses and Dutch angles.

Like Christie’s novels, A Haunting in Venice qualifies more as comfort food than haute cuisine, but sometimes a shepherd’s pie nicely satisfies.

Kenneth Branagh’s Poirot is joined by Liz Lemon — sorry, Tina Fey — as mystery writer Ariadne Oliver. COURTESY OF ROB YOUNGSON © 2023 20TH CENTURY STUDIOS

CENTER OF IT ALL

Fahrenheit boasts a grander atmosphere and a menu to fit in new downtown digs

By Douglas Trattner

THE FIRST TIME I interviewed Rocco Whalen, we had to stand on opposite sides of the pass because the Tremont kitchen wasn’t large enough to accommodate the both of us. Fast forward 21 years to this past July, when the chef was holding court in his shimmering show kitchen on Public Square: Not only was the space large enough for two, it could double as Kitchen Stadium for “Iron Chef America,” with room enough for a studio audience.

Apart from the name, some key players and a handful of menu items, Fahrenheit Downtown shares few similarities with the original bistro that helped keep Tremont’s dining scene aloft since 2002. The dramatic restaurant also bears little resemblance to John Q’s, the steakhouse that long existed at this address, save for an ornate wooden bar tucked into a private dining room.

In many ways, Fahrenheit feels like the proverbial pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for Whalen: a tribute for a job well done for nearly 30 years. Not many local chefs have the star power required to lure diners to an expensive restaurant in the heart of downtown (which also happens to be a construction zone at the moment). But Whalen has always drawn big crowds thanks to his outsized personality, eclectic and approachable foods, and knack for treating everybody like a VIP, from high-powered sports celebs to young couples on a budget.

That “budget” part might have gotten a little more difficult. For now, at least, there are no happy hour deals waiting for bar patrons; those delectable thin-crusted pizzas that helped put Whalen on the map got lost in the move; pasta has been relegated to the apps and sides categories; and most of the new menu items lean luxe, such as caviar service, icy seafood towers and pricey prime steaks.

The dishes that did make the move seem spiffier, prepared and plated at a higher level. I don’t remember the potato nachos ($17) being this thin, this crisp, this mountainous and this indulgent. Those OG Vietnamese spring rolls

($15) – cut on the bias as always – arrive with an array of colorful condiments, garnishes and sauces. The dan dan dumplings ($20) are new, but they fall right in line with Whalen’s fun, flavorful take on Asian cuisine. They more closely resemble Sichuan-style wontons, delicate pork-stuffed wrappers bobbing in a tongue-tingling sauce.

Most of the affordable fun can be found in that appetizer section – a roster of a dozen shareable small plates. I have never enjoyed eggplant as much as I did while snacking on Mr. Loo’s Lettuce Cups ($13). The typically sad, sodden vegetable was transformed into a dark, savory and crispy filling for the bright green lettuce wraps. At $9 per noodle, the Umami Ravioli ($18) is no bargain, but we adored the fresh pasta, meaty trumpet mushrooms and creamy filling. In the Seared Ohio Wagyu ($22), carpaccio-thin slices of steak

are blasted with a blowtorch to crisp up the edges. That money is better spent on a real chop, in my opinion.

If you’re like me and you avoid filet, be prepared to spend at least $75 for a steak. But for this level of quality and care, that price isn’t out of line with current steakhouse prices. My USDA Prime 22-ounce bone-in ribeye ($75) was textbook: aggressively charred, assertively seasoned, blissfully marbled and broiled not one degree past mediumrare. The perfunctory asparagus and mashers are included; the silky bearnaise ($3) is extra.

We are happy to report that Whalen’s trademark braised short ribs ($45) are still drawing raves, aromatic fork-tender beef served atop chewy lo mein noodles in a seductive five-spice fueled sauce. One evening, the kitchen had “86’d” the walleye entrée but kindly subbed halibut for the same price ($34). The

chubby filet was flaky, fresh and sweet, served with fingerlings and sautéed green beans.

Fahrenheit came along when conventional fine-dining restaurants were being replaced by hip, casual and lively chef-driven bistros. The new Fahrenheit is much grander, more theatrical than the original, but guests are still able to cut loose and make some noise. The large three-sided bar and adjoining lounge already has become the watering hole of choice for many downtown workers. At happy hour, the roar might be deafening but it beats the dead quiet that persisted for years in this district. There, over $18 gin martinis, guests talk with genuine optimism about downtown Cleveland’s future. And just as he did to help bolster Tremont during its historic revitalization, Whalen is now rooted in the heart of the city to do the same.

Photo by Doug Trattner

BITES

Gray House Pizza in Lakewood has closed

By Douglas Trattner

SADLY, WE CAN ADD

Gray House Pizza to the long list of restaurants that have hung out a shingle at the corner of Madison and Brown in Lakewood. Joe Schlott’s Detroit-style pizza shop lasted less than a year in the space, joining other recent ventures such as Primoz Pizza, Smokin’ Thyme Kitchen and Chow Chow Kitchen.

Schlott, who also runs Gray House Pies in Lakewood and Westlake, announced this sudden closure by thanking his passionate Detroit-style pizza enthusiasts.

“The response was fabulous,” Schlott told Scene. “People were over the top enthusiastic about it. It was so gratifying to get that response. But in this environment, staffing and supply chain issues are unlike anything I’ve seen in 20 years.”

Gray House Pizza was a strippeddown pizza parlor in a barebones storefront. But what it lacked in style it made up for in product. Despite its deep-dish appearance, Schlott’s Detroit-style pie had the light, airy consistency of focaccia. The contrast between that tender crumb and the crispy, crunchy edges and corners is what set this variety apart from the rest. The pies were ringed with a golden-brown, cheese-melted exterior that ensures that no crust is left behind.

The silver lining in this story is that the space might already have a new tenant lined up, says Schlott. We’ll let you know who and what when the time comes.

Paladar Latin Kitchen in Woodmere Has Closed After 16 Years

After 16 years in Woodmere, Paladar Latin Kitchen & Rum Bar has closed its doors. Owner Andy Himmel launched the Nuevo Latino restaurant at Eton Chagrin in 2007, with Matt Mytro as opening chef. Over the years, the homegrown concept grew to six locations that spanned the Eastern seaboard. With the closure of Woodmere, only two out-of-state Paladar locations remain.

“It is with heavy hearts that we announce the closure of Paladar,” says management. “Over the years, we have had the privilege of serving countless meals, celebrating special occasions, and creating lasting memories with our loyal customers. The decision to close our doors was not made lightly, and it comes with a mix of emotions. We want to express our deepest gratitude to our dedicated staff who have been the backbone of our establishment, and most importantly to our valued customers who have supported us throughout this remarkable journey. While this chapter may be coming to an end, the memories and relationships forged within these walls will forever remain in our hearts.”

Himmel and company recently closed the Beachwood location of Bomba, Paladar’s sister establishment, leaving four in and out-of-state locations of that tacothemed eatery.

Comida in Hudson to Close After Sept. 30

Chef Brandt Evans opened Comida (36 Park Lane., 330-655-0059) in 2019 with the aim of bringing creative Mexican street foods to the good people of Hudson. Located at First & Main, the restaurant — coincidentally enough — took the place of Luchita’s, which had been there for more than a decade. After nearly five years in business, management is planning its exit strategy.

Comida’s last day in business will be September 30th.

A note from the restaurant:

“All of us at Comida would like to extend a heartfelt thank you for almost five years of memories and patronage. Thank you for being a part of this journey with us, it has been our pleasure to serve the heart of downtown Hudson.”

Old Brooklyn Cheese and Mustard Co. Has Closed its Van Aken Outpost

In 2020, Michael Januska added an east-side outpost for his popular Old Brooklyn Cheese Co., which he launched in 2016. Like many operators in the restaurant world, he has been dealing with staffing issues that have caused him to offer inconsistent days and hours of operation at the Van Aken Market Hall. Now, after three years, he’s pulling the plug.

“It is with the heaviest of hearts, after 3 years of serving the eastside community, that we regretfully announce that we have closed our Van Aken store due to continued staffing shortages. We’ve been so honored to serve you, through the great times and challenging ones.”

Shoppers are encouraged to visit the HQ (4464 Broadview Rd., 216860-4000) in Old Brooklyn, home to Januska’s mustard and cheese production kitchen. There, you can pick up jars of his award-winning Original IPA Mustard, made with pickled mustard seeds and beer, as

well as the cheese boards that were so popular at Van Aken.

Now Open: Red Lantern Japanese Cuisine in Kamm’s Corners

The Red Lantern restaurant in West Park refuses to expire. The original Red Lantern enjoyed a remarkable 30-year run until it closed its doors in 2012. That classic eatery was revived – in spirit if not in form – in 2014 by Cory Rowland, who opened Red Lantern Kitchen and Bar in the same shotgun space at Kamm’s Plaza. Red Lantern remained a fixture in the neighborhood until the pandemic dimmed its lights in 2020. But like Lazarus of Bethany, the Red Lantern has come back to life, this time as Red Lantern Japanese Cuisine (17446 Lorain Ave., 216-331-5099).

The new owners did not have to travel far for the opportunity. They also operate Dragon Towers, a traditional Chinese restaurant in the same plaza that has served the community since 1984. For their latest venture they have unveiled a menu of Japanese dishes that include raw and cooked sushi, sashimi, sushi rolls, hibachi plates, ramen bowls and bento boxes.

The restaurant has a full liquor license.

Red Lantern is open for lunch and dinner every day but Monday.

dtrattner@clevescene.com

t@dougtrattner

Photo by Doug Trattner

&

NEW ANNOUNCES

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CHARGE BY PHONE 216.383.1124 ONLINE TICKETS & COMPLETE SCHEDULE BEACHLANDBALLROOM.COM

MUSIC

A VOCABULARY OF THEIR OWN

Helmet continues to make complex music for the thinking hard rock fan

By Jeff Niesel

FOR HELMET SINGERguitarist Page Hamilton, an artist has a responsibility to create something unique. It’s an ethos he’s embraced ever since he began studying guitar as a teenager.

“It was and is an essential part of any songwriter and composer’s obligation as far as I’m concerned to create your own vocabulary and your own world,” he says via Zoom from his Glendale, CA home. Helmet performs on Saturday, Sept. 23, at the Grog Shop in Cleveland Heights. “That was very important. I was a bit extreme when I was in my early 20s. If anything sounded remotely sing-able or catchy, I would throw it out the window. If it could be construed as a blues riff, I wasn’t doing it.”

Hamilton, who was born in Portland, OR, moved to New York in the mid-’80s to study at the Manhattan School of Music. He thought $600 would be enough to sustain himself. The money quickly ran out, and he recalibrated, migrating into a welfare hotel.

“I got a job working at the front desk working security from midnight to 8 a.m. but I got so far behind on my rent,” he says. “So I got a job as a driver delivering magazines. It paid off my back rent, and I moved into an apartment and finished grad

school and joined Band of Susans. I auditioned for Glenn Branca and joined his orchestra. Then, I started writing songs and [singerguitarist] Robert [Poss] from Band of Susans said the songs were really cool but not right for the band, so I started my own band.”

Hamilton took out an ad in The Village Voice and found [drummer John] Stanier and [bassist] Henry Bogdan. The group’s unique sound developed shortly after its formation.

“I was walking home one night, and I got the note for ‘Repetition’ in my head, and the note I heard was a whole step below my E string, so I just tuned it down to D,” explains Hamilton. “The riff came out, and the Helmet thing revealed itself to me. I stopped writing AC/DC and Husker Du riffs and started writing Helmet riffs.”

One of Hamilton’s side gigs involved driving a van and picking up bands at New York clubs such as Wetlands and CBGBs and taking them to their shows.

“I would hear them say, ‘We’re gonna make it. Live is going to be so incredible!’” he says. “I thought, ‘What a bunch of bullshit.’ I thought that you should just do music you dig and see what happens. When the bidding war [for Helmet] broke out, I was surprised

as anyone. I had confidence. I thought we were good. We were the best band in New York, and that takes nothing away from my heroes like Sonic Youth. You have to have confidence, but if you do your homework and apply yourself and work hard, you develop that confidence. If you are just trying to be a rock star, you are probably going to suck.”

Early on, the group scored some major victories. It opened for Nirvana the first time the grunge group came through town, and it got a monthly gig at the underground rock club CBGBs. The band’s 1990 debut, Strap It On, generated major label interest, and the band signed to Interscope Records in the wake of a bidding war between labels.

After a terrific run, Helmet would break up in 1998, and Hamilton subsequently moved to the West Coast.

“I needed to leave New York because I was going to kill myself with drugs and booze and not sleeping,” he says. “I had enough money to go out and do my thing. I didn’t want to be one of those old guys skulking around the East Village for 40 years. I knew I had to do something different. I moved to L.A. It made the most sense. I knew I could do film work and have other opportunities that I wouldn’t have in Medford, OR.”

The band returned with Size Matters, an album of hard rock songs that feature the kind of complex time signatures for which the band is known, in 2004 and hasn’t looked back.

While the group has steadily released new material in the wake

of Size Matters, the forthcoming Left got off to a rough start. The group decided to record a new album earlier this year, but Hamilton didn’t have any songs in the hopper.

“I had zero songs,” he says. “People asked if I was writing songs during the pandemic, but I was drinking beer and playing jazz guitar and giving lessons. I finished an orchestra piece on Feb. 6, and once we got the word about the album, I started sketching. I still have post-it notes all over the place. I would write little notes like ‘Bloody Well Right from Supertramp’ and ‘Joy, Part 1, Isaac Hayes.’ I’ll write song ideas down while driving, and it gave me a starting point and launch pad.”

Hamilton says a handful of new songs, including the hard-driving single “Holiday,” which features an intricate guitar solo, will likely make it into the upcoming Grog Shop show. Playing live with the group remains a thrill for the 63-year-old.

“Nothing replaced Helmet or came close to that level of buzz for me,” he says. “I’ll hang it up eventually. But I still feel good. I love the new album. I’m working on the songs now, and they’re quite difficult. [Preparing to tour is challenging because] we have so much to learn, and we have limited rehearsal time. [Bassist] Dave [Case] lives in New York, and we’re not the Foo Fighters. We don’t have our own studio to go jam at.”

HELMET

SOUL BLIND, 8 P.M. SATURDAY, SEPT. 23. GROG SHOP, 2785 EUCLID HEIGHTS BLVD., CLEVELAND HEIGHTS, 216-383-1124. TICKETS: $28, GROGSHOP.GS.

Helmet. | Courtesy of Vicious Kid PR

LIVEWIRE Real music in the real world

THU 09/21

Digable Planets Reachin’ 30th Anniversary Tour

The hip-hop group celebrates the 30th anniversary of the LP Reachin’ (A New Refutation of Time and Space) with tonight’s show at House of Blues. The album’s single, the jazzy “Rebirth of Slick (Cool Like Dat),” showed the extent to which jazz and hip-hop could be married to produce commercially successful music. The concert begins at 7. 308 Euclid Ave., 216-523-2583, houseofblues.com.

Skerryvore

Over the last 16 years, Skerryvore has evolved from playing Scottish West Coast halls and bars to festivals around the world. On six studio albums, the band fuses folk, trad, rock and pop. Tonight’s concert begins at 8 at Cain Park in Cleveland Heights.

14591 Superior Rd., Cleveland Heights, 216-371-3000, cainpark.com.

Waco Brothers

A Chicago-based alt-country outfit that punk rocker Jon Langford started in the mid-’90s, the Waco Brothers recently regrouped after they lost drummer Joe Camarillo to a stroke in 2021. They’d often been joined onstage by violinist Jean Cook and drummer Dan Massey (ex-Robbie Fulks), who’ve now become permanent members. The ensemble returns to the Music Box Supper Club tonight at 7:30. 1148 Main Ave., 216-242-1250, musicboxcle.com.

Warren Zeiders

Last year, country singer-songwriter

Warren Zeiders’ 717 Tapes: The Album, a collection of all of Zeiders’ critically acclaimed 717 Tapes singles, EP tracks and a few new songs in a single package, came out to critical acclaim. In addition, Zeiders made his Grand Ole Opry debut that same year. He brings his Pretty Little Poison tour to the Agora. A Thousand Horses open the show. Doors open at 7 p.m. 5000 Euclid Ave., 216-881-2221, agoracleveland.com.

FRI 09/22

Claud

The first signing to Phoebe Bridgers’ Saddest Factory Records in 2020, the indie singer-songwriter Claud has returned with a new record,

Supermodels, which press materials describe as “an immaculate follow-up, a confident diary of the mercury of life and love in one’s early 20s.” Claud performs tonight at 7 at Mahall’s 20 Lanes in Lakewood.

13200 Madison Ave., Lakewood, 216521-3280, mahalls20lanes.com.

Parkway Drive

This Australian metalcore band that takes its name from the street where their home rehearsal space and live venue was located formed in 2003 and immediately caught on with the emo/screamo Warped Tour crowd. The group performs tonight at 6 at Jacobs Pavilion at Nautica. The Amity Affliction, Northlane and Make Them Suffer open.

2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com.

SAT 09/23

Ashnikko

Recorded with longtime collaborators Slinger and Oscar Scheller (Charli XCX, PinkPantheress, Rina Sawayama), Ashnikko’s debut studio album suggests the singer and rapper is a superstar in the making. The catchy “Worms” shows off her ability to rap and sing over undulating beats, delivering a good dose of attitude without resorting to the kind of braggadocio that characters so much hip-hop and pop music these days. Ashnikko brings her Weedkiller Tour to the Agora tonight at 7. 5000 Euclid Ave., 216-881-2221, agoracleveland.com.

Greta Van Fleet — Starcatcher World Tour

Greta Van Fleet, a young band from Frankenmuth, Michigan of all places, left a lasting impression when it performed at the Agora in 2018. At that show, the band concluded with a twosong encore that delivered a knockout punch as the band played the ominous sounding “Black Smoke Rising,” a tune with a terrifically trippy mid-song interlude that verged on prog rock. Expect a similarly intense performance when the band plays Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse tonight at 7:30. One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

SUN 09/24

Godsmack

A nu-metal band that just won’t quit,

Godsmack has delivered 11 No. 1 singles in the course of a career that dates back to the mid-’90s. The current tour that comes to Blossom tonight at 7 supports the new album, Lighting Up the Sky. I Prevail opens.

1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com.

MON 09/25

Nick Cave: Live in North America

The veteran rock/Goth singersongwriter makes a rare appearance in Northeast Ohio when he performs tonight at 8 at the State Theatre. Cave, who’ll play piano, will perform songs from his extensive catalog that stretches back 40 years now. Radiohead’s Colin Greenwood will accompany him on bass guitar. 1519 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

TUE 09/26

Sammy Rae & the Friends

This high-energy indie rock act just released its first-ever live album, The If It All Goes South Tour, which features recordings from sold-out shows across the U.S. and London during a headline tour last fall. Complete with a rhythm section, two saxophones, keyboards and plenty of percussion, the ensemble delivers a mix of a jazz, funk, soul and rock. Tonight’s show begins at 7 at House of Blues.

308 Euclid Ave., 216-523-2583, houseofblues.com.

WED 09/27

Peter Gabriel: i/o the Tour

Since leaving Genesis in 1975, Peter Gabriel has delivered 11 studio albums, film soundtracks as well as numerous live albums. In 1980, he created WOMAD, the festival that has launched the careers of many artists from around the world. A true artist and activist, Gabriel brings his tour in support of his new solo album to Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse tonight at 8. One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

THU 09/28

Explosions in the Sky

On tour in support of End, their first (non-soundtrack) album in seven years, this indie rock group brings its tour

in support of the album to the Agora tonight at 7. Black Island Condors, a group with local roots, will open the show.

5000 Euclid Ave., 216-881-2221, agoracleveland.com.

SAT 09/30

Jelly Roll: Backroad Baptism Tour 2023

Born and raised in Nashville’s Antioch neighborhood, Jelly Roll, a former addict and drug dealer, released his latest chart-topping album, Ballads of the Broken, in 2021. Now, in support of his new album, the singer/songwriter/ rapper brings his Backroad Baptism tour to Blossom. He performs at 7 p.m. Struggle Jennings opens.

1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com.

MON 10/02

Frankie and the Witch Fingers

For the past decade, Frankie and the Witch Fingers have delivered a form of psych-rock that hits on both a primal and ecstatically mind-bending level. In the making of their new album Data Doom, the Los Angeles-based fourpiece “forged a sublimely galvanizing sound informed by their love of Afrobeat and proto-punk—a potent vessel for their frenetic meditations on technological change run rampant, encroaching fascism, and corrosive systems of power,” as it’s put in a press release. The group performs tonight at 8 at the Grog Shop in Cleveland Heights.

2785 Euclid Heights Blvd., Cleveland Heights, 216-321-5588, grogshop.gs.

scene@clevescene.com t

Godsmack comes to Blossom. See: Sunday, Sept. 24.

Chris Bradshaw

LEFT BANK CREATIVE

so, who is lbc?

what does lbc do?

Industry Disruptors punk and brains

Alegal professional/drummer and accounting student/DJ meet and start a band...NO...they start a brand elevation company. Partners Britt Corrigan and Dani Gorcie share a collective of over 10 years in the promotional marketing and brand development industry, opening their fresh new company, Left Bank Creative, in 2023. LBC is a women owned and operated company that specializes in tangible custom imprinted goods. The name originates from the place where Britt and Dani met, the infamous Left Bank Building that sits on the Cuyahoga River in the West Bank of the Flats. Both women come from a blend of logistic and creative sectors, “we`re both a little mix of punk and brains”, Britt says.

GUerilla Marketing

Custom apparel & Uniforms

Band Merch

Expo giveaway products

Event Badges & lanyards

Custom Drinkware

Custom Tech Products

Client gifting

Employee appreciation kits

Outdoor displays & games

Custom golf products

Custom packaging

Awards & medals and more...

Left Bank Creative creates tangible solutions for their clients to promote their brands, businesses, and events. Working with some of Cleveland's greatest household names, non-profits, expos, and small businesses alike, LBC is a one-stop shop for a plethora of products. LBC has a deep understanding that branding is more than just a logo or a tagline; it's about creating a lasting impression and connection. The LBC team is dedicated to crafting custom branded materials that leave an indelible mark on a brand’s audience, working outside industry norms and thinking outside the ‘promotional products’ box. From custom apparel and merchandise to innovative product campaigns, LBC’s got your promotional and branding needs covered.

why choose lbc?

We believe that when promotional products are leveraged correctly, they are the strongest enforcer of brand awareness and recognition

In simple terms, we are bad*ss, creative, and professional women who help businesses, brands, non-profits, and events elevate and shine through custom branded products.

join us!

As we embark on this exciting journey as one of Cleveland's Best local startup finalists, we invite you to be a part of the Left Bank Creative family. Whether you're a well-established brand looking to refresh your image or a budding entrepreneur with big dreams, we're here to help you achieve your promotional goals.

Thank you, Cleveland, for your support, and here's to many more years of creativity, innovation, and success with Left Bank Creative!

@leftbankcreative www.leftbankcreative.co hello@leftbankcreative.co

SAVAGE LOVE

DIDN’T HAPPEN

By Dan Savage

I used to loudly proclaim that all this crap about black men being better in bed was pure bullshit. My ego said it a bunch of propaganda. The thought of me being a cuckold was never going to happen. Then my wife’s workplace hired a black man, and he was among several of her coworkers that went for drinks after work one Friday evening. I never knew that my wife harbored a desire to see for herself if everything people said about black men was true. She went with him & had sex. It was her most exciting and rewarding sex of her life. He really did her like no one had ever done her before. It was obvious to me that something had changed. Once we finally got it out in the open, I was angry, frustrated, humiliated, and embarrassed. It took me weeks to get over it and to accept that my wife needed this black man in her life and bed. No way was I going to divorce her because then I would have to explain the reason why our 15-year marriage was ending. So, now I have no option but to admit I am a cuckold. My question is: Is this normal and common?

Cuckolding Has Upended Marital Parameters

It’s not normal, it’s not common — and it didn’t happen.

Oh, you might be a cuckold, CHUMP, and you might have a wife and your wife might have a lover who might be a Black man that she met a work. But if you’re lucky enough to be living the version of the cuckold dream that appeals to you most — cuckolding with a racial overlay — it didn’t come together the way you described.

Lots of wannabe cucks fantasize about their wives turning them into cuckolds against their will, e.g., the husband gets presented with a fait accompli — the wife has taken a lover and won’t give him up, she has the upper hand and divorce isn’t an option, the husband has no choice but to accept his fate — but no man has ever become a cuckold like that. That may be it happens most often in a cuckold’s fantasies, CHUMP, but in reality, men who are living out their cuckold dreams had to beg their wives to fuck other men, sometimes for years.

A wife turning her husband into a cuckold because it’s what she wants? Maybe that’s happened once or twice, but otherwise that only happens in porn and in letters horny wannabe cucks send to advice columnists while they’re beating off. So, when a married woman is fucking a neighbor or a coworker or her husband’s best friend or all the above with the consent of a husband who has embraced being a cuckold… yeah, his consent wasn’t reluctantly given; it wasn’t extracted under duress, it wasn’t an offer he couldn’t

refuse, and it wasn’t her idea. It was his idea. A wannabe cuckold’s wife may have warmed to the idea over time — she might’ve come to love it and can’t imagine going back — but it was his fantasy, not hers.

So, nice letter CHUMP, total bullshit, hope you enjoyed the wank. Now, I’d like to zoom out for a second...

There are lots of straight white men out there with cuckold fantasies that include problematic racialized elements, like CHUMP’s here. (Interestingly, gay men with cuckold fantasies are lot less likely to care about the race of their husband’s other sex partners. [LINK: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih. gov/29285655/]) I’m sure a lot of my Black readers were offended by CHUMP’s letter and a lot of my white readers were offended on behalf of my Black readers. (Bracing myself for the outraged emails.) But I have to say… there are Black men out there who enjoy being fetishized by white male cucks because it turns them on, too. And if you don’t believe me when I say there Black men who 1. enjoy

fucking the wives of white cuckolds and 2. either don’t mind being objectified in this way or really and truly get off on it, well, maybe you’ll believe these podcasters [LINK: https:// www.keysandanklets.com/] and porn stars [LINK: https://twitter.com/ShadowDimitri1] and content creators [LINK: https://twitter. com/PaganBlackBull].

And with that said…

There’s something about CHUMP’s fantasy that strikes me as… well, a lot more fucked up than most cuck fantasies with racialized elements. He’s not just aroused by stereotypes about Black male sexuality — power, size, prowess — that some Black men also find arousing and enjoy exploring with white couples who see them not just as objects, but also as three-dimensional human beings with needs, feeling, fantasies, and their own inner lives. No, CHUMP is turned on by the idea of being trapped (common cuck fantasy) in his marriage because the whole world would know his wife was fucking a Black man if he left her — because where

he lives men who divorce their wives are required to post their real reasons on at least three billboards outside of town — and it would be so obviously humiliating (according to CHUMP) if people knew that he has no choice by to stay. CHUMP doesn’t present this piece as something fucked up about his fantasy that he enjoys toying with but obviously isn’t how he really feels, but as the real reason he can never leave his wife. Blech.

If I were a Black man, I wouldn’t fuck CHUMP’s wife (assuming she exists) if that was how he truly felt about Black men fucking his wife. But I’m not a Black man — or a straight man — and Black men are allowed to make their own choices about whose wives they wanna fuck.