Sister, wife

By Dan Savage

I married my high school girlfriend after college. We were happy, and the sex was fantastic. Then she fell in love with a woman and came out—just to me—as bisexual or possibly a lesbian. Our relationship somehow survived this tumult, and we decided to start a family. We are now in our 50s, our children are grown, and I have not had sex for approximately two decades. My wife long ago lost any desire for intimacy with me or anyone else. My sex drive is as strong as ever but limited to strictly solo activities. My wife remains mostly closeted in terms of not being out to her friends and family, with one exception: one of her sisters, who is single.

wife, who says she feels no sexual urges at all, but it is for me. I’ve been told by both my wife and my sister-in-law to forget this conversation ever happened, so we can all move on. But I find I can’t move on. So, what do I do?—Seeking Insight Somewhere