Creative Loafing Tampa — June 22, 2023

PUBLISHER James Howard

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ray Roa

DIGITAL EDITOR Colin Wolf

MANAGING EDITOR Kyla Fields

FOOD and THEATER CRITIC

Jon Palmer Claridge

FILM & TV CRITIC John W. Allman

IN-HOUSE WITCH Caroline DeBruhl

CONTRIBUTORS Josh Bradley, McKenna Schueler

PHOTOGRAPHER Dave Decker

SUMMER INTERN Gracey Davis

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GRAPHIC DESIGNER Joe Frontel

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Music: Tampa Bay Blues Fest 40

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Week ...................................................42 Concert

Music

Week ...................................................42 Concert review: Artic Monkeys 42

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EDITORIAL POLICY — Creative Loafing Tampa is a publication covering public issues, the arts and entertainment. In our pages appear views from across the political and social spectrum. They do not necessarily represent the views

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Her response…it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good. Meet Me @ The Altar leads Pride concert lineup, p. 50.

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Sip For the Springs

Most beer is about 95% water, and this weekend, Tampa Bay gets two chances to stand up for Florida’s greatest natural resource while sipping on a cold one with Florida Springs Council, a nonprofit, non-partisan, but inherently political organization founded in 2014 and designed for advocacy focused on the protection and restoration of Florida’s springs. Members of FSC, including Executive Director Ryan Smart, will be at Crooked Thumb Brewery (Saturday, noon-8 p.m.) and 3 Daughters (Sunday, 6 p.m.-10 p.m.) to talk about the different projects the FSC is working on, and how you can help. Crooked Thumb is offering a discount on beer served in FSC pints, designed by Old Florida Vibes, which will be on sale for $15. Additionally, the council will be selling its shirts, stickers and spring guides—a guide of Florida springs that are not being exploited—with all proceeds benefiting FSC. Saturday-Sunday, June 24-25. floridaspringscouncil.org—Gracey Davis

Tampa Bay's best things to do from June 22-28

Memories of a Tuskegee Airmen Nurse: A Conversation with Pia Jordan

During World War II (1942-1946), 28 African-American women from the Army Nurse Corps manned the station hospital where the Tuskegee Airmen underwent basic and advanced pilot training. Most people are familiar with the Black military pilots and their exemplary combat record, but the stories of the nurses and lieutenants in the U.S. Army Nurse Corps that staffed Alabama’s Tuskegee Army Air Field are unfortunately more unknown. Pia Marie Winters Jordan, Project Director of the Tuskegee Army Nurses Project and daughter of a First Lieutenant and nurse back in the 1940s, heads to St. Pete next week to discuss her newest book and documentary with longtime activist and writer Gwendolyn Reese. St. Pete’s African American Heritage Association will provide light refreshments before the program starts. Tombolo Books will have Jordan’s newest book, “Memories of a Tuskegee Airmen Nurse,” available for purchase.

Thursday, June 29. 6:30 p.m. Free with registration. 2153 1st Ave. S, St. Petersburg. tombolobooks.com —Kyla

Fields

St. Pete Pride concerts

Meet Me @ The Altar— which plays the big St. Pete Pride Parade concert on Saturday (see more on p. 50)—is just the tip of the spear when it comes to St. Pete Pride’s stacked entertainment calendar, and other big names on the bill include Carson Kressley, Malaysia Babydoll Foxx, Ts Madison and more. Idina Menzel (pictured) hasn’t really toured since a 2018 run of arena shows with Josh Groban. It’s been six years since she’s been to town. Later this year, she will release her seventh studio record, Drama Queen , a dance album described as a love letter to the LGBTQIA+ community, as well as a children’s book, set for release in September. St. Pete Pride pre-party concert.

Friday, June 23, 6 p.m. $35. Jannus Live, 200 1st Ave. N, St. Petersburg. stpetepride. org—Josh Bradley

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Art in Recovery: Artwork from the Sixth Judicial Circuit Adult Drug/ Veterans Treatment Court Exhibition

On display at Creative Pinellas’ Largo-based gallery through the middle of July, this unique exhibition features artwork from participants in the Sixth Judicial Circuit Adult Drug/Veterans Treatment Court program, who opted to utilize creative expression as a part of their recovery process. Creative Pinellas describes the works as self-reflective, “ranging from the intuitive to the highly trained; all providing a window into the highly personal work of recovery.” Creating artwork of various mediums is just a small part of the program’s extensive initiatives to help these veterans improve both their physical and mental health. Head on out to Largo to catch the last few weeks of this heartfelt gallery and enjoy a range of works, from paintings and drawings to poignant poems and paper mache. Through July 16. Free. noon-5 p.m. Wednesday-Sunday. Gallery at Creative Pinellas, 12211 Walsingham Rd., Largo. creativepinellas.org—Kyla Fields

Tampa Theatre’s Summer Classic Series

School’s out, and that means Tampa Theatre wants to beat the heat by hosting matinee screenings of some of the most beloved films of the last century in its historic downtown building. Disney’s “Fantasia” hits the big screen this Sunday as part of the 32-years-running series, and just a few weeks later Bruce Lee will be kicking ass in the iconic 1973 film “Enter the Dragon” (pictured). From black and white classics to beloved children’s movies, other works of art that Tampa Theatre has in store for the rest of the summer include “Mama Mia,” “The Breakfast Club,” “Casablanca,” “Titanic,” “Planet of the Apes” and “The Lion King,” among others. Sunday, June 25-Aug. 27. $7-$10. Tampa Theatre, 711 N Franklin St., Tampa. tampatheatre.org—Kyla Fields

Lights by the Bay Drone Spectacular

With or without mushrooms, this familyfriendly event should be fun to watch thanks to more than 150 drones that are programmed to perform aerials and also create light displays against the backdrop of Clearwater Marine Aquarium (CMA) and Clearwater Bay. CMA also promises a surprise ending, plus live music, food, drink and access to the aquarium’s dolphin complex and various marine habitats. Lights by the Bay. Saturday, June 24, 6:30 p.m.9:30 p.m. Clearwater Marine Aquarium, 249 Windward Passage, Clearwater. cmaquarium.org—Ray Roa

DAVE DECKER

POLITICS ISSUES OPINION

I’mwith stupid

By McKenna Schueler

Arecent political mailer in Florida tied to an outof-state think tank is spreading what union leaders describe as “disinformation” surrounding a new union law approved by Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis last month. The mailer, produced by the Freedom Foundation—a conservative, billionairebacked nonprofit—began making the rounds on Twitter last weekend, showing a bulleted list of items regarding the new law (SB 256).

“What does SB 256 really mean for you?” one section reads. A bigger paycheck, it says. The decision to join or to not join a union (as if workers hadn’t had that choice already). “Don’t be tricked into giving the union your bank account or credit card number,” the mailer reads on one side, with, “Don’t let the union mislead you” printed on the other.

But the president of Florida’s statewide teachers union, representing over 150,000 school staff, blasted the campaign. “I think the flyer is full of misinformation,” Florida Education Association president Andrew Spar told Orlando Weekly. It’s an insult to teachers, professors and other employees in Florida, he said, “and it’s not going to work.”

FLORIDA NEWS

Recycling common anti-union talking points, the green and orange mailer warns recipients against allowing themselves to be misled by labor unions, which, in Florida, have gone into overdrive in recent months to recruit new members ahead of SB 256’s implementation. The new law, years in the making, has been criticized as a measure designed to weaken Florida’s public sector unions and which could, consequently, hurt working families.

Among other things, the law bans payroll deductions of union dues effective July 1 (for those who are already voluntarily signed up for union membership). It also requires unions to maintain a membership rate of at least 60% of workers eligible, and requires audited financial statements that are made available to union members.

Unions representing police, firefighters, correctional and probation officers (unions which generally support Republican candidates for office) are excluded from most of the bill’s provisions.

Although a less than ideal motivator, it’s spurred a powerful momentum to organize. Spar told Orlando Weekly that the Florida Education Association’s local affiliates, for instance, have recruited 8,000 new members in the last month. Amid an ongoing, “massive” teacher shortage, as well as an exodus of teachers from the profession, he said this means in practice, they’re 5,000 union members up from the previous school year.

Education unions, a longstanding political punching bag for DeSantis, were considered the primary target of SB 256. They sued the state shortly after the measure was signed into law.

Education unions have also long been a target of the Freedom Foundation, which is backed by the likes of the pro-privatization Charles Koch (and his brother David, before his 2019 death) and the family of former U.S Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos.

Based in the state of Washington, the organization claims to “advance individual liberty, free enterprise, and limited, accountable government.” It’s one of several conservative think tanks that lobbied in favor of Florida’s new law, as they’ve done for similar proposals in other states. On its website, the organization enthusiastically describes Florida’s new law as “the most aggressive state labor reform in decades.”

Brown, the Freedom Foundation lobbyist, told Orlando Weekly his organization is “pro-worker,” and said he prefers that term to “anti-union.” “Everything that we advocate for, it’s for employees’ rights,” Brown said.

A lobbyist for the Freedom Foundation, Russell “Rusty” Brown, confirmed to Orlando Weekly that the target of this mailer campaign— dubbed “Union Oversight”—is all of Florida’s public employees, at least a third of whom stand to be affected by the new law. It’s meant to offer transparency, Brown said. To inform.

During public testimony, one self-described Republican worker likened the proposal to his exwife (not in a good way—the misogynistic tone is noted). Others called it an “anti-freedom” bill, a “union busting” bill, and expressed concern that their union—and, by extension, the benefits it afforded them—could be in jeopardy if it passed.

“There’s no doubt that this legislation is harming our ability to collect dues, it’s harming our ability to represent the interests of our members. It’s undermining our constitutional right to collectively bargain our working conditions,” said Andrew Gothard, president of the state’s full-time faculty union, the United Faculty of Florida. “We are looking forward to our day in court,” he told Orlando Weekly.

Well, the right to opt out of union membership, that is (which workers in Florida can, and have been able to do even prior to this new law’s implementation). Their group’s Twitter profile, which says they’re “fighting public sector unions,” leaves little doubt as to which side they’re on.

Spar had his own choice words to describe the nature of the organization’s work. “This is an organization that’s made it clear they’re trying to hide who they are,” he said. “They are not transparent. This is an organization that is funded by dark money.”

continued on page 16

“It’s not going to work.”

REDUCE, REUSE: The green and orange mailer recycles common anti-union talking points.

Mailers sent to public workers are rife with disinformation about Florida’s new union bill.

Gothard added that it’s telling that the only organization “sending out this nonsense” isn’t even based in Florida.

A deliberate attempt at spreading ‘disinformation’

The Freedom Foundation mailer, first sent out to households this month, with another round expected to hit mailboxes within the next week, offers several examples of misleading information about the new law—or “disinformation” (that is, a willful attempt to mislead), according to the FEA.

One bullet point, explaining the new law, reads, “If you are paying dues, you are going to see your check go up!”

When questioned about this line, Brown said this was a reference to the law’s ban on automatic payroll deductions of union dues. Meaning, sure, your paycheck will be a smidgen fatter if your dues aren’t being taken out of it. But, if you’re a union member who wants to remain a union member (something that is completely voluntary and intentional), you’ll still be paying those dues in some way regardless, even if it’s not coming directly from your paycheck.

The Freedom Foundation has a years-old tradition of sending anti-union mailers to public employees in various states, characterizing unions as greedy businesses. In a Halloween mailer they send out to public sector workers annually, the organization describes unions as “money-sucking vampires.”

The Freedom Foundation itself reported nearly $10 million in total revenues in 2021, and $8.3 million in expenses according to a tax form obtained by ProPublica. Freedom Foundation CEO Aaron Withe reported a total compensation package of $417,638 in 2021, and the group itself “sucked” $10.1 million in contributions and grants from donors last year.

It’s received over $33 million in contributions since 2017. But the group likes to point fingers

at labor unions’ coffers. Within their new mailer, they warn recipients not to be “tricked” into giving their credit card or bank account information to a union. This is likely a reference to a new dues payment system (“eDues”) that unions across the state have rolled out in order to comply with the law’s ban on automatic payroll deductions. Unions statewide have been urging their members to sign up for the alternative electronic dues collection system ASAP to avoid being kicked off the membership rolls.

Utilizing anti-union language that might be familiar to Orlando Weekly readers, the mailer also paints unions as a “middle man,” a third party. It demonstrates a misunderstanding about what unions are: workers coming together, as a collective, to advocate for a voice on the job and the conditions under which they labor.

“Unions are run by the members,” said Spar, the teachers union president. Referring to the union as a “middle man” is blatantly untrue, he added. “The members are the union.”

A teachers union in Minnesota also recently warned their members about a Freedom Foundation mailer distributed there, where state leaders recently passed major pro-union legislation. Brown confirmed his organization is targeting public employees in several states that have similarly advanced measures affecting organized labor and labor relations.

Florida’s measure this year, however, was the biggest deal—a major reform package. And that hasn’t been lost on the state’s union leaders, who’ve been fighting similar proposals in the state legislature for years.

“Folks in Florida, particularly in Florida higher ed, we’re not dummies,” said Gothard. “We know when individuals and groups are trying to manipulate us and mislead us, and try to harm us for their own political gain.”

“We’re not having any of it,” he added. This story first appeared in our sibling publication Orlando Weekly.

continued from page 13

STAND UP: Winter Haven union members rally in protest of the anti-union bill on April 6, 2023.

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Lost bearings

Black bear removed from Tampa International Airport.

By Ray Roa

You’re not the only one trying to take a jet out of this place. Tampa International Airport said it removed a Florida black bear from the airport campus last, adding that it has no previous records of bear incursions on airport property.

Late last Tuesday night, a TSA employee spotted the bear walking along the airport perimeter fence near Hillsborough Avenue, according to airport officials. The sighting was reported to Hillsborough County Aviation Authority.

“The Airport, in conjunction with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, immediately set up a trap and a robust perimeter around a dense area of vegetation at the north end of the campus to keep the animal contained,” airport officials added. Several agencies did an overnight watch, with Tampa Police using its infrared camera to confirm that the bear slept inside the airport perimeter overnight.

After FWC’s two failed attempts to tranquilize the bear, it entered the trap. The incident did not disrupt air travel or pose a risk to employees, the airport said. The FWC has relocated the bear to Central Florida, which may or may not have been its final destination.

She called the airport bear’s trapping relocation the best possible scenario. A bad outcome would be having the bear come back, and worse, become a danger to themselves or to people. Lippincott’s exhibit at ZooTampa is home to two such nuisance animals. “Ideally, we want them to have a long term home out in the wild,” she added.

“I think the fact that it got to go back, obviously to where it should be is fantastic and it will probably be successful,” Lippincott said. “I would imagine it just got kind of lost along the way.”

Florida judge sides with Tampa dog bar, says pets can be allowed inside

An administrative law judge has sided with bars in Tampa and Orlando after the Florida Department of Health last year tried to block dogs from being in the establishments.

LOCAL NEWS

Judge Lynne Quimby-Pennock last Thursday issued a 29-page order that said the Department of Health had not properly revised a rule to prevent Pups Pub Tampa and Pups Pub Orlando from continuing to allow customers to bring pets to the dogfriendly bars.

In some ways, we shouldn’t be too surprised. Orlando has the Lake Eola bear, and another bear recently swam up onto a beach in Destin. Last month, the FWC told Floridians to be on the lookout for juvenile bears leaving their mothers’ home ranges and finding territory of their own.

Molly Lippincott, Senior Curator of Florida and Marine Life at ZooTampa agreed, but told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay that she’s also never heard of one at the Tampa airport.

“That’s definitely unique and interesting,” Lippincott said. “But it’s just one animal so it’s not it’s not something where you’re we’re having tons and tons of bears coming in.”

Bears, she pointed out, are opportunistic feeders and will go towards places where food is easily accessible—and return. As development encroaches on animal habitat, it’s up to humans to take measures to protect their homes and the bears by utilizing bear-proof trash cans, removing bird feeders if bears are present in the area, keeping your distance when you see one in the wild, not approaching a bear in any capacity, and never feeding them either.

“Their general demeanor, they want to not to be near people, they’re pretty skittish and want to keep their distance,” Lippincott said. “But any animal can get scared, and that can be a different story.”

The case centered on sanitation certificates that county health departments, which are overseen by the state Department of Health, issue to establishments.

Pups Pub Tampa, for example, was issued a sanitation certificate in December 2020, with an agreement that it would not serve food. Also, the pub took steps such as installing a gate to keep dogs out of the drinkservice area. But in June 2022, the Tampa bar was cited for a violation related to having dogs in the business. The Orlando bar, meanwhile, received a sanitation certificate and opened in July 2022 but was cited for a violation less than a month later, according to Thursday’s order.

Quimby-Pennock, who said county health departments also had allowed dog bars to operate in Duval and Palm Beach counties, wrote that the Department of Health did not properly go through a process to adopt a rule that would keep dogs out of the bars.

“Petitioners opened each dog bar relying on their CHD-approved (county health department-approved) sanitation inspections and certificates,” the order said. “Petitioners complied with the CHD directions to install appropriate gates to keep the dogs out of and away from the bar beverage preparation or

service areas, and were licensed to fully operate their business model.”

Quimby-Pennock wrote that the Department of Health “must immediately discontinue all reliance” on the revised interpretation of the rule.

“The question here is simple—did DOH change its interpretation of the rule?” the order said. “In this case, the preponderance of the competent and substantial evidence adduced at the final hearing clearly shows that DOH, through its CHDs, interpreted the rule for over four years to allow dogs in bars with certain restrictions in place. The evidence clearly established that in mid-2022, DOH changed its interpretation to prohibit dogs in bars.”

But in a May 22 document, DOH disputed that it had changed course, saying the department’s “actions in prohibiting non-service animals from entering Pups Pub TPA (Tampa) and Pups Pub Orlando were based on the plain language of an already existing rule, not an unpromulgated rule.”

“Despite the [DOH] efforts to standardize inspections and ensure rules are applied in a consistent and uniform manner by the hundreds of employees working within each of the 67 county health departments throughout the state...it is still possible for mistakes to happen,” the document said.—Jim

Saunders/News Service of Florida

BEAR-O-PLANE: The Florida black bear was relocated to Central Florida.

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“I would imagine it just got kind of lost along the way.”

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Get hooked

Matthew Neumann has built a must-visit gem of the St. Pete food scene.

By Kyla Fields

Greasy paper towels and empty beer glasses on the picnic table. A belly full of blackened grouper. Those are just three signs of a hearty meal outside at St. Petersburg gem Hookin’ Ain’t Easy. Located at 3660 22nd Ave. S near the edge of Gulfport, the fish shack is the type of establishment that you take out-of-town relatives to in an attempt to convince them that, sometimes, it’s actually cool to live in Florida.

in sauce; the wings were absolutely glistening in the Florida sun and their deep smoky flavor wasn’t compromised by the sticky coating at all. While the sweet chili sauce had a nice bite, these chicken wings are good enough to be eaten plain (no ranch or bleu cheese needed, y’all).

And while great seafood options are a must from a market-adjacent concept like Hookin’ Aint Easy, its barbecue offerings like pulled pork and baby back ribs are an unexpected, yet delightful addition to its menu.

RESTAURANT REVIEW

Hookin’

After walking past its air-conditioned seafood market, diners stumble upon a small outdoor bar, a food truck, and a sea of white sand and picnic tables that separate the two. Although it’s not abundantly clear on how to order food at first, employees are quick to let you know to place an order at the bar or walk over to the food truck, where its full menu is handwritten on a white board.

And for the work from home set, a Hookin’ lunch, paired with Green Bench’s Skyway Hazy Double IPA and Motorworks’ Pulp Friction IPA, is a good way to spend an afternoon letting the back of a Macbook casually roast in the midday sun.

We placed our order at the food truck after carefully scouring its whiteboard-written menu, eventually deciding on a sampler platter of conch fritters, smoked chicken wings and fried biscuits ($16.99), smoked wahoo fish dip ($15), pippin’ hot grouper nuggets ($18.99) and its margate fish sandwich special ($14.99) , which came with a side of fried okra.

Standouts included the smoked fish dip which had a sturdy, meatier texture much different than the mayo-laden offerings at grocery stores—a finishing squeeze of lemon lifted the wahoo’s natural sweetness beautifully.

The smoked chicken wings—which we ordered tossed in a sweet-spicy Thai sauce after being lightly deep-fried—arrive hot, and to our delight, moist as all get out. Credit to the cook who tossed the drums and flats just lightly

A nearby bar goer told the staff that the kitchen just made the “best grouper sandwich” she’s ever had, drawing envy, and while they didn’t make it ot our table, the raw oysters, soft shell crab sammy and seafood boil-style crab tray are on the wishlist for next time.

The freshest seafood in town means Hookin’ Aint Easy isn’t exactly cheap eats. Owner Matthew Neumann—a lifelong St. Pete resident and commercial fisherman—either catches everything himself, or personally knows the folks who do, so there’s a rightful price to pay for locally-caught seafood of this quality.

Neumann’s welcoming, friendly nature, combined with Hookin’ Aint Easy’s laid back atmosphere and service make it the perfect place for folks looking for a casual, no-frills, core local dining experience.

According to its Facebook (where specials and menu updates are posted regularly,) scamps, blue crabs, triggers and African pompano are this season’s freshest catches—but next week’s might be totally different.

Hookin Aint’ Easy resides in the sweet spot right between Gulfport and St. Pete. Neumann and his wife Victoria opened the restaurant and bar portion of Hookin’ in the summer of 2022 as an extension of their seafood market next door, which has been open for over two years.

If you’re dining at his outdoor restaurant, chances are Matthew is taking your order,

running fresh wahoo to the smoker behind the food truck, or chatting up with regular customers at the bar—doing it all in a pair of worn-in flip flops like a true Florida native.

In between bussing tables and pouring icecold beers, you can typically overhear him telling his customers that almost everything Hookin’ sells comes out of the gulf. “I know what I want to eat, and that’s exactly what I put on my menu,” he said one spring afternoon.

Corporate chains and out-of-towners have been trying to capture and capitalize on Old Florida’s prized charm for decades now, but natives (born here, and naturalized, alike) can quickly spot the difference between a true Gulf Coast outpost and a bastardized, Disney-fied version of it.

Hookin’ Aint Easy is the real deal for fresh seafood, but its family-run charm and plain friendly service is a refreshing respite from the dimly-lit dining rooms and white tablecloths driving droves of people to Tampa Bay and beyond.

Hookin’s nautical atmosphere matches its seafood offerings and ultra-casual dining experience, but the best decor at might be the restaurant’s spread of kid’s toys which belong to Matthew and Veronica’s toddler son. It’s truly a family affair at this low-key St. Pete outpost.

And with access to a relaxing beach-like space, live music Hookin’ hosts daily, and a slew of retired regulars looking to have a nice chat, you’re more than likely going to hang out a bit after your meal is finished.

Another round of cold beers, please.

HOMETOWN HERO: Matthew Neumann was raised not too far from his St. Pete restaurant.

RAY ROA

“I know what I want to eat, and that’s exactly what I put on my menu.”

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Beer necessities

Long-awaited Yuengling Draft Haus & Kitchen opens in Tampa, and more local restaurant news.

By Kyla Fields

It’s been four years in the making, but “America’s oldest brewery” is finally ready to debut its new massive bar and restaurant in Tampa. The Yuengling Draft Haus & Kitchen opened last week at 11109 N 30th St. near Busch Gardens and the Tampa campus of University of South Florida. The 42,000 square-foot dining concept is truly huge, boasting an 800-person capacity, with both indoor and outdoor seating, five bars, an outdoor beer garden, an activity area for kids (opening later this summer), and a private event space that can hold up to 120 guests.

The pub-style menu features bar classics with creative variations on burgers, wings and fries, as well as hefty entrees like steaks, scallops, Gulf snapper and more. On tap, guests can expect a hefty array of Yuengling drafts and seasonals, like its new Bongo Fizz and Hershey’s Chocolate Porter. There are also beer ‘hoptails’ and frozen beer slushies.

family entertainment. We are excited to be invested alongside renowned local organizations that share in our commitment to the future of Uptown Tampa.”

The new concept is the first venture into restaurants from the union-busting Yuengling company, and part of a two phase construction project, which is expected to someday host a hotel.—Colin

Wolf

OPENINGS

“As a 6th generation brewing family, it is a highlight for us to evolve our business into this new, unique hospitality experience,” said Wendy Yuengling, Chief Administrative Officer and 6th generation family member in a statement. “For 194 years we have been committed to brewing great beer for every taste. Now, we are proud to have created an incredible gathering place, not just for our beers to be enjoyed, but also a destination for delicious food and

Plant Love Ice Cream’s second location is now open in downtown Gulfport Gulfport got even sweeter last week. Plant Love Ice Cream’s new Gulfport shop is now open at 2901 Beach Blvd. S, adjacent to other popular concepts like the newlyopened Wine House, Golden Dinosaurs and Stella’s. The vegan ice cream parlor celebrated its grand opening last Saturday, complete with live music by feel-good acoustic act Enter the Sun, tarot readings, merchandise, local vendors, artists, new ice cream flavors and more. “Join us and be a part of our growing community of ice cream aficionados who believe in savoring the sweetness of life, one plant-powered scoop at a time,” Plant Love owner JoAnn Matchin wrote on social media.

Popular flavors of ice cream include its beloved “golden mylk” made with tumeric, espresso, cookie butter, rum raisin, pistachio,

birthday cake and “fluffernutter”—an ode to a childhood favorite. Plant Love’s many flavors can be ordered in a cup, house-made cone or as a scoop in its ice cream flights—the ideal option for someone who wants to try multiple flavors.

Plant Love announced the opening of its second Pinellas location back in March. Its Gulfport storefront required little renovations and was able to soft open just three months after announcing the big news. Its flagship location has been slinging vegan scoops since 2019 and has become a popular staple of downtown St. Petersburg. For the latest information on Plant Love and its newest location, follow @plantloveicecream on Instagram. Gulfport’s Plant Love is now open from noon-9 p.m. TuesdaySaturday, noon-8 p.m. on Sundays and is closed every Monday

Tequila Daisy, a new bar with over 500 spirit options, will open in downtown St. Pete this summer

It looks like we’ll have to update Creative Loafing Tampa Bay’s “Where to get a good mezcal cocktail in Tampa Bay” dining guide, because a bar specializing in tequila (and its smokier cousin) will soon debut in St. Pete. Tequila Daisy will soon open out of a 3,000 square-foot space at 120 1st Ave. N in the heart of downtown St. Pete, right around the corner from Jannus Live and the St. Pete Pier.

With a whopping 500 mezcal and tequila options, this new hotspot is slated to celebrate its grand opening on Monday, July 24, coinciding with National Tequila Day. The upcoming bar promises bright and vibrant decor to match its vast collection of spirits. Tequila Daisy will offer up to a dozen signature cocktails featuring spirits from both recognizable tequila and mezcal brands as well as local, Tampa Baybased distilleries.

Exclusive tequila and mezcals, in addition to hard-to-find bottles will also be available for purchase alongside a spread of other expected liquors and beers. Tequila Daisy has previewed a few of its craft cocktails on its social media pages, like the “Boca de Fuego,” complete with jalapeño-infused tequila, mango puree and garnished with a flaming tequila-filled jalapeño.

Although its grand opening is slated for July 24, co-owners of Tequila Daisy—Monique Grespan and Melissa Powell—state that a soft opening will take place before then. In addition to Grespan and Powell, other partners include Michael Jennings, Miles Duncan, Jerrad Atkin and Billy Orfanakos—folks associated with other downtown bars like Pour Judgement and Whiskey Exchange, according to ILovetheBurg.

For the latest information on Tequila Daisy and its upcoming grand opening, head to its Facebook page or Instagram at @tequiladaisystpete.

LOTS OF LAGER: Yuengling’s new Tampa taproom and restaurant spans a whopping 42,000 square-feet.

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Now at The Dalí

Over 100 rarely displayed drawings from the hand of Salvador Dalí offer a glimpse into the artist’s most intimate and spontaneous creative process.

MOVIES THEATER ART CULTURE

The future is now Ryan

C. Gallagher is ready to meet you.

By Ray Roa

Alot’s changed in Ybor City over the 13 years since rapper Charles Burns first hit the stage at the old Orpheum location at 8th Street and Avenida Republica de Cuba. That corner is now a bank, and the Orpheum—which moved a half-mile away in 2011 before relocating out of the district altogether last summer—now lives in North Tampa. Burns himself molted a few times, too.

Four years after that gig, following regular shows at The Bricks, Transitions Art Gallery and Crowbar, he started a new creative endeavor and did his first ever hand-drawn flier for a concert. That led to more gig poster work with Brokenmold Entertainment and the Crate Brothers DJ duo—plus a new name for the Jersey-born, Tampa-raised artist: Scumrag.

retrospective that spans eight years. It includes new paintings and prints of all sizes alongside old work to show the 35-year-old’s progression from rapper-turned-visual artist to the artist and designer-for-hire he is today.

Fans of cult horror flicks, grindhouse cinema promo, or underground comic book artists like Robert Crumb, Daniel Clowes, and Johnny Ryan will immediately be drawn to Gallagher’s work, and so will folks with a more general interest in tattoo flash sheets, underground hip-hop and DIY punk culture.

INTERVIEW

Mural work followed, and curators at Tampa’s Mergeculture got him into group gallery shows. He painted on Reebok Classics for a national graffiti show in 2017 and the next year competed in the global “Secret Walls” series. Apparel was next, along with solo shows at Cafe Hey and the Corner Club. He even bought a MacBook and started teaching himself Procreate. Since then, he’s been a kid in a candy store, immersing himself in the limitlessness of digital art. And while his work was reaching more people than ever, Scumrag— who liked the moniker, even though some in the scene cringed at it—still wanted to stay in the shadows, preferring to let the art speak for itself. Until now.

“ I kind of want to be more relatable to people on a human level,” Ryan Charles Gallagher told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay last week. It was the eve of the opening for his first-ever solo gallery exhibit, which closes next Thursday inside Tempus Projects at Ybor City’s new Kress Collective, just a couple of blocks from Orpheum where he made his stage debut in 2010.

There are just over 30 pieces in the show— titled “Hello, Nice To Meet You”—which is a

There is a dark sensibility in the offerings, something Gallagher attributes to crazy, traumatic periods in his family life, including bouts of addiction and crime. He related to so much of what he saw in comics, from the subject matter to the independent nature of creating the strips themselves.

“These people are making things from the ground up in these comics. They publish it themselves. They write the stories. They do the lettering. Usually it’s a team of people, but in the underground scene, it’s like just one person,” Gallagher said. “It just amazes me how one person can come up with an entire universe.”

And when this show closes, he’d like to expand his own universe and dive even deeper into comic book illustration to explore more of what happened in his life. “Comics are personal stories, and I want to share in that human experience,” he added.

He’s in a prime position for it, too. Gallagher just quit his restaurant job to chase art and design full-time. He’s a good worker that gets pushed into managerial roles—and could always go back to the service industry—but he knows he needs to break out. “I was fed up, and I was like, ‘If I don’t pursue this now, I’m gonna hate myself. It’s a shit or get off the pot kind of thing,” he said.

He’s already worked on a few branding projects with local clients and is looking for more work. Larger scale art is on the to-do list, and he’s in search of a larger studio. Eventually Gallagher

wants to print that comic of his own; there are characters he needs to bring out of his headspace and into the world. National brands, and national acts for gig posters are in his crosshairs.

“I’m not scared of success. I’m not scared of failing either. And I think those go hand in hand,” Gallagher said. “I’ve been self taught this whole time, so I have failed numerous times— that’s how you learn. The sky’s the limit.”

He won’t be afraid to leave this version of himself behind when he achieves all that either.

Looking back through his work to arrive at the pieces in this show made Gallagher appreciative of how far he’s come, but he doesn’t necessarily feel attached to any of the work, and invoked the idea of Tibetan monks taking weeks to create intricate sand mandalas before wiping them away in an instant.

“I enjoy throwing in trashing old stuff just because it’s a transformative thing,” he said. “That’s a fun thing to do as an artist, too, is just to destroy your work, you know?”

SEARCH AND DESTROY: Ryan C. Gallagher wants to explore his condition, then move along.

Hello Nice To Meet You: Works by Ryan C. Gallagher

Closing Thursday, June 29. Tempus Projects (@ Kress Collective). 1624 E 7th Ave., Ybor City. ryancharlesdesigns.net

“I’m not scared of success. I’m not scared of failing either.”

Get loud

Pride leadership reflects on this month’s celebration.

By Nicole Berman and Tiffany Freisberg

One year ago on June 1st, I stood at City Hall to raise the Pride flag for the first time as the Executive Director of St Pete Pride. I was excited and full of hope for the season.

While that sentiment still remains, I cannot welcome the 2023 Pride season without acknowledging the challenges that it brings. This year the LGBTQIA+ community, my community, has faced countless, cowardly attacks in an attempt to silence our voices, restrict our rights, and erase our presence. Well, I hate to break it to those who think our community does not belong in Florida, but you can’t cancel Pride. The LGBTQIA+ community is here, is freaking fabulous, and we are not going anywhere. To quote St. Petersburg’s Mayor Welch, “We are St Pete and the ‘we’ means all of us “. As an organization, the commitment of the City of St Petersburg to inclusivity and the St Pete Pride celebration is something to take pride in.

Without them there would be no Pride, and St Pete Pride will not leave them behind. At St Pete Pride we celebrate Trans Joy, Black Joy, Queer Joy, and the collective experiences of our community. The LGBTQIA+ community is a vibrant and incredible reminder that we are all worthy of love, a full life, and a long one at that.

COLUMNS

St. Pete Pride parade weekend

Friday-Sunday, June 23-25 stpetepride.org

Without question, St Pete Pride knows that Trans Rights are Human Rights, Black Lives and Black History Matters, all people deserve the right to full bodily autonomy and to make healthcare decisions that best suit them, Drag is Art and is Not A Crime, that young people deserve to share their individual experiences and learn about others, that we should be able to live our lives authentically without government intervention, and that being queer is, quite possibly, the coolest thing you can be.

People don’t always realize how important Pride is or why it matters so much. It’s so much more than just an event or another festival. It is both the best party ever and so much more than just a party. I remember my first Pride and how it felt to look up and be surrounded by people who were like me. To feel normal, to feel accepted, to feel amongst family and to feel like for the first time ever I could be exactly who I was. That is an experience that St Pete Pride and the City of St. Petersburg hopes to provide for every single LGBTQIA+ person in and around the Tampa Bay area. No matter what the outside world is telling you, you are beautiful, you belong, you belong with us, not only in June but all year long.

St Pete Pride will continue to work alongside a collection of outstanding community partners to ensure that the visibility afforded to us during Pride month lasts long after the glitter is swept off the parade route. We will fight with and for you for Trans Rights, for Black Lives, for your safety and your authenticity in Florida and beyond.

2023 is St Pete Pride’s 21st first season and is arguably one of the most important. This year we are asking you, the LGBTQIA+ community and our allies, to show up, stand up, and celebrate with us. We are endlessly grateful to our trans and drag communities and will continue to support them through our event programming and engagement with advocacy and activist groups. The Pride movement began on the backs of Black and Brown Trans women and they continue to lead the fight for the rights of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Creating St Pete Pride events is a labor of love that our team puts its blood, sweat, and tears into. We are not going to back down, be quiet, or be shoved back into the closet. St Pete Pride looks forward to celebrating Pride with each and every one of you. If you’re at any of our events and see me looking frazzled or typing frantically on my phone, please say hi, share your Pride experience, and know YOU are what makes everything we do worth it.

In Pride, Nicole Berman Executive Director, St Pete Pride

‘Our community

cannot and will not be silenced’

Hello, St. Pete! Pride Season is upon us once again, and despite a hostile legislative climate, here we are, uniting to celebrate equality, dignity, and love. We do so on the shoulders of so many who have fought for freedom and justice before us.

In 2022, we celebrated our 20th anniversary with St. Pete’s biggest Pride ever. Your Pride is now not only one of the ten largest in the country, but it’s one of the most important. Florida is under an international spotlight, and showcasing the resilience and collective energy of St Pete Pride is more necessary than ever. Our Pride celebrations have always been hugely influential locally, attracting tens of thousands of visitors and new residents each year who are drawn to the city’s progressive values.

This year, our Pride will serve to show the world that our community cannot and will not be silenced nor forced back into closets.

continued on page 44

ALL THE WAY UP: St. Pete flies the Pride flag.

CITYOFSTPETE/FLICKR

“We are not going anywhere.”

continued from page 41

This year, we celebrate while grappling with laws that aggressively target the LGBTQ+ community and with rhetoric that is recklessly endangering human lives for political ambition. The chilling effect of recent legislation has taken hold with alarming speed. We’ve lost corporate sponsorships from longtime supporters who are suddenly scared of the potential ramifications of supporting an organization like ours. And yet, we know that drag performers aren’t what’s threatening our kids and families. We know that trumped-up culture wars and fanning the flames of division are diversionary tactics designed to turn us against each other. Politicizing everything, including our existence, keeps We the People from solving real problems that truly affect us all. Are pronoun choices and gender-fluid kids really so

menacing? No. Vilifying Trans people is just an easy (and dangerous, and morally repugnant) way to mobilize a base. Meanwhile, Trans youth are increasingly likely to be bullied or die from suicide.

On days like today, I lean on the wisdom of others to keep me optimistic and energized. When I take my kids to St. Pete Pier and see Janet Echelman’s Bending Arc sculpture, I’m reminded of the words by Dr. Martin Luther King that inspired it: “We shall overcome, because the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” I find comfort in the assurance that progress doesn’t always happen in a straight line, as we wish that it would, but with persistence and resilience, we will always push forward. In 2023,

it’s more important than ever that the large umbrella that is St Pete Pride holds fast, and as long as we’re demanding and working for a better future, we know we’ll get there. Because you can’t stop progress, and you can’t stop Pride.

COLUMNS

St. Pete Pride parade weekend

Friday-Sunday, June 23-25 stpetepride.org

As a parent and as a member of this organization, I feel responsible for the freedom, well-being, and safety of so many people. Your St Pete Pride Board and its enormous army of volunteers work their tails off to ensure that at least once a year, EVERYONE feels welcome, at home, and celebrated. It’s a colossal task, but there’s healing in the effort, and seeing hundreds of thousands of you come out smiling and celebrating makes the hours, the worry, and the stress worth it.

This is my last hurrah as Board President of St Pete Pride, and I’m deeply grateful for the experience and the friendships that have come from it. I’m humbled to have worked with such a passionate, motivated, and selfless team made up almost entirely of volunteers.

I know that a lot of us are frustrated, angry, and scared. It helps me, too, to remember this, from Coretta Scott King: “Struggle is a neverending process. Freedom is never really won. You earn it and win it in every generation.” So keep your heads up, friends. Be proud. And keep fighting the good fight because backing down isn’t an option.

Onwards and upwards, St. Pete. Let’s make this the happiest, most united Pride season this City has ever seen.

Tiffany Freisberg Board President, St Pete Pride

RAINBOW WARRIORS: ‘Progress doesn’t always happen in a straight line.”

CITYOFSTPETE/FLICKR

ON VIEW THROUGH AUGUST 27

Tom Jones: Here We Stand is organized by the Museum of Wisconsin Art Tom Jones, Peyton Grace Rapp, from Strong Unrelenting Spirits series, 2018, Inkjet print and beadwork, Collection of Ken Karol and Greg French. Image credit: Museum of Wisconsin Art, West Bend, Wisconsin.

A member of the Ho-Chunk Nation of Wisconsin, Tom Jones’s photographs explore issues of identity and geographic place within Native American communities.

REVIEWS PROFILES MUSIC WEEK

Sound on

Coachman Park comes back to life in Clearwater.

By Ray Roa

Ten years ago, Catherine Corcoran landed a landscape architecture and project management internship at the City of Clearwater. The University of WisconsinMadison grad took a job with the municipality in 2016, post-recession, and worked her way up to senior landscape architect. The Sound has lived in her head ever since, thanks to the endless talks about reviving Clearwater’s downtown—and she’s been onsite nearly every day for the duration of the two-year renovation of Coachman Park which surrounds Florida’s most exciting new concert venue.

She joked that after Wednesday, she’s going to have to find something else to do. That’s when Coachman and its new music venue open to the public with a sold-out concert from Cheap Trick, fronted by Safety Harbor resident Robin Zander. Lucky for Corcoran and the rest of the Bay area, there’s plenty to get into within Coachman Park’s 19 acres. There’s the pirate island playground, splash pad, botanical garden, public art spaces, boardwalk, and plenty of greenery for community events.

The venue—which officials view as a destination for tourists and music fans from around the country—is the next evolution of

a performance space that’s hosted Clearwater Jazz Holiday, crazy spring break Wild Splash concerts, and more.

The Sound—technically not an amphitheater, by the way—is part of the $84 million Imagine Clearwater redevelopment of the downtown waterfront. Vertical construction started in July 2021, but planning workshops for the project kicked off five years before that. Last fall, the city sold two bluff parcels to a developer that is supposed to break ground on a $400 million apartment, hotel and retail project next year.

Park and away from the University of Tampa minarets, the vista at The Sound could make for Tampa Bay’s most picturesque concert scenery. A couple hundred parking spaces are at the park, with about 3,000 within walking distance and other 2,000 private spots nearby.

Bobby Rossi can talk your ear off about The Sound.

OPENINGS

Removable seating underneath the new venue’s cover (and soundmitigating membrane) can accommodate up to 4,000 people, with room for 5,000 additional folks on the lawn. A ticketed VIP area called “The View” is elevated on the stage right side and offers air conditioning, private bathrooms, plus a bar and primo sight lines. A backdrop that can completely open not only allows for easier load-in, but also views of Old Clearwater Bay. With Tampa’s Gasparilla Music Festival being forced to move out of Curtis Hixon Waterfront

In April, Ruth Eckerd Hall, the nonprofit where he is executive vice president for entertainment, was one of three groups named as finalists to run the venue. Last summer, city council selected Ruth Eckerd to run The Sound. During the 3-2 vote— where council went against a selection committee’s suggestion that the bid should go to a group that involved Tampa’s Vinik Sports Group and Los Angeles’ OVG360—community members scoffed at the idea of going with anyone other than Ruth Eckerd, which has committed itself to the city of Clearwater for decades via its staple venue on McMullen-Booth Road and the 766-capacity Capitol Theatre just two blocks away.

Last December, the city and Ruth Eckerd finalized a contract that, in part, calls for Rossi’s group to operate at least 35 events a year (at least 18 shows are already on the books) while also managing food and beverage service, and carrying most of the insurance. Clearwater will also get $5 per ticket sold (less for tickets priced under $10, and a buck for every free ticket); when

operations generate a profit margin of at least 8% for Ruth Eckerd Hall, the city will get 25% of annual profits. Naming rights also belong to the city and could generate $350,000, although a consulting group hired by the city last March to shop naming rights has yet to deliver.

Rossi is well aware of what every other concert junkie in Tampa Bay knows: The scene’s been clamoring for a venue the size of The Sound. Its closest twin—the 4,092-capacity St. Augustine Amphitheatre, just over 200 miles away—has been earning a reputation for its environs (surrounded by the gorgeous Anastasia State Park) and its ability to host outdoor shows for artists that’ve outgrown nightclubs but not yet graduated to arenas (or those who simply don’t like playing to rooms that big). “We said they are our sister in the woods, and we are the brother on the water,” Rossi told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay.

Widespread Panic, Bon Iver, Kacey Musgraves, and The National are just a few bands that have recently played St. Augustine and not Tampa Bay. Last spring, Ybor City was lucky to nab a set from Phoebe Bridgers who played to a hot parking lot packed with about 4,000 fans; her supergroup, Boygenius, is currently on a tour where it plays outside in Toronto (5,500 reserved seats), Chicago (9,000 fans expected) and Columbus (5,200 seats) this week alone.

Because of the climate in Clearwater—it’s not a northern outdoor venue, after all—Rossi sees The Sound as a 12-month facility and knows it’ll continued on page 49

RAY OF LIGHT: The Sound looks like a stingray to some, but it’s a much-needed venue for Tampa Bay.

Cheap Trick w/Robin Taylor Zander

Wednesday, June 28, 7 p.m. Sold out The Sound, 255 Drew St., Clearwater rutheckerdhall.com

continued from page 47

do more than the 35 shows it’s obligated to put on. He just wants to make sure it’s the right gig and that his group is booking it for the right reason.

“There were several shows where we just wished we could have opened earlier because [artists] specifically said this size, outdoors. Some end up skipping the market entirely,” Rossi told CL. “The good part is that hopefully they’ll come back next year. We’re holding a bunch of dates next spring in March and April and already have several confirmed in January and March that we haven’t announced yet.”

Look for continued coverage of The Sound as the summer rolls on and see previews of confirmed concerts below.

Cheap Trick w/Robin Taylor Zander

We all know that Cheap Trick frontman Robin Zander calls Safety Harbor home, so who the hell else do you get to awaken Coachman Park from its slumber? A very sold-out ribbon cutting ceremony happens at 5 p.m., followed by opening act Robin Taylor Zander—the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee’s son—being the first act to ever technically grace the stage. Wednesday, June 28, 7 p.m. Sold-out—Josh Bradley

The Black Honkeys w/Jah Movement/ Byrne Brothers You can’t take a venue seriously until famed Bay area party band The Black Honkeys breaks it in. The Best of the Baydominating group closes out a full day of free, community-centric activity that includes a diversity festival, fitness classes, food trucks and more.

Thursday, June 29. Music starts at 5:30 p.m. Free

Colbie Caillat and Gavin DeGraw In 2007, Caillat’s hit single “Bubbly” was the soundtrack to the kinds of summer nights thousands will enjoy at The Sound. The 38-year-old pop songwriter—whose dad helped produce Fleetwood Mac in the Rumours, Tusk, and Mirage era—won a Grammy with Jason Mraz two years later (“Lucky”) and has since gone country with plans to release her debut album in the genre, Along the Way, on Sept. 22. Piano-playing songwriter DeGraw has a Grammy nomination of his own thanks to his work with Caillat on the 2013 film “Safe Haven” and is no stranger to the Bay area (I once saw him on top of the bar, ripping off shot after shot with fans following a 2004 show at the since-shuttered Twilight nightclub in Ybor City). Friday, June 30. 7 p.m. $9-$99

Summer Horns: Dave Koz & Friends Koz is a pal of Ruth Eckerd Hall, and a highlight on this one is the addition of friends including saxophone players Candy Dulfer and Eric Darius, the latter being a graduate of Tampa’s Blake High School 22 miles away. The smooth jazz stars will each play their own material, and join Koz to help him through cuts from his Summer Horns albums that have topped the contemporary jazz charts over the last 10 years. Saturday, July 1. 7 p.m. $9-$50

Peter Frampton Four years ago, Frampton fans were saying farewell to the classic rock guitarist who had been transparent about how the

autoimmune disease inclusion body myositis will eventually end his touring career. On this run, the Grammy-winner is on the “Never Say Never Tour!,” onstage in support of his 2021 album Frampton Forgets The Words, and fresh off the 47th anniversary of his most popular offering, Frampton Comes Alive! Sunday, July 2, $9-$129.50

Clearwater Celebrates America: The Florida Orchestra One of many free events at The Sound ends with the largest fireworks display in Clearwater history soundtracked by The Florida Orchestra. Tuesday, July 4. 5:30 p.m. Free with registration

Sad Summer Festival: Taking Back Sunday w/The Maine/Pvris/Hot Mulligan/ Mom Jeans/Stand Atlantic/L.S. Dunes No one’s moshing for Cheap Trick, Colbie Caillat or Dave Koz, so emo kids will be among the first to do so at The Sound. L.S. Dunes—comprised of members of My Chemical Romance, Coheed and Cambria, Circa Survive and Thursday—is on bill, too. Friday, July 7. 2 p.m. $39.50-125.00

Goo Goo Dolls w/O.A.R. The early-aughts are calling, they’re saying that they’ve got a trip to Clearwater planned next month when four-time Grammy-nominated band Goo Goo Dolls plays alongside O.A.R., which successfully pivoted from soundtracking college Greek life to being date night favorites for Birkenstock-wearing moms and dads who can still drink like they did back in their fraternity and sorority days. Monday, July 24, 6 p.m. $49-$129

OPENINGS

John Fogerty w/Hearty Har Countless families will get to make new memories at Coachman Park this summer—and at least one will do so onstage. That’s because Fogerty is bringing along his sons Shane and Tyler Fogerty who front Hearty Har, a band that’s not only drawn comparisons to Tame Impala, but come to prominence on the strength of a sound that flirts with R&B, psych-rock, classic rock and even spaghetti westerns. Saturday, July 29, 8 p.m. $65-$195

Stuart, and Woodstock keyboard whiz Edgar Winter, as well as a little help from saxophonist Warren Ham, and drummer Gregg Bissonette. This show comes just over a year after Ringo and the exact same lineup of the All-Starrs finally staged a heavily-postponed show at Ruth Eckerd Hall, originally announced in November 2019. And it looks like Hay is still up for belting out the chorus on the band’s version of Toto’s “Africa,” too. “That was one of the challenges,” Hay told CL during a press conference. “I can still get there, and to do that, I make sure that I warm up as much as I can, because if I don’t, it’s challenging.” Tuesday, Sept. 26. 7 p.m. $39.50-$225—JB

Hooters 40th Anniversary Benefit Concert: Chicago There might not be a more iconic Clearwater-born restaurant chain than Hooters. And to celebrate 40 turns around the sun (that’s a lot of chicken wings), the concept is sponsoring this concert featuring three original members of the classic-rock orchestra Chicago: Robert Lamm, Lee Loughnane, and James Pankow. Net proceeds from the literal “Saturday In the Park” benefit Moffitt Cancer Center and Morton Plant Mease Hospital. Saturday, Oct. 7, $9-$40

Clearwater Jazz Holiday After two years away during renovation of its spiritual home base, Clearwater Jazz Holiday returns to Coachman for the 44th iteration of Clearwater’s signature music festival. Thursday-Sunday, Oct. 19-22. Lineup and ticket prices TBD

Sammy Hagar & The Circle w/Sammy Hagar & The Circle/Damon Fowler Van Hagar fans, rejoice. The 75-year-old Salinasborn Red Rocker is still going strong and brings The Circle along for a show with another septuagenarian, George Thurgood. This gig’s most notable, however, thanks to the inclusion of hometown bluesman Damon Fowler who the first homegrown talent (no offense, Zanders) to front at band on The Sound. Saturday, Oct. 28. 7 p.m. $39.50-$149.50

Greg Gutfeld w/Tom Shillue For once, Scientologists won’t be the most controversial figures in the spotlight in downtown Clearwater. They have Gutfeld to thank. The “libertarian” former Fox News hotboi recently devoted airtime to the story of a 38-year-old California teacher allegedly having sex with a 16-year-old student, adding “I don’t condone it, I just envy it…I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying, ‘Why not me?’” Saturday, July 15. 7 p.m $49.50-$174.50

Michael Franti & Spearhead w/Fortunate Youth After bringing his bare feet to Jannus Live on the last two runs, eternally-positive and alwayspolitical pop songwriter, activist and former Disposable Heroes of HipHoprisy-leader Michael Franti gets a little closer to the beach and share a new single, “Big Big Love,” and Spearhead’s 12th studio outing, Follow Your Heart, which debuted at No. 2—only behind Harry Styles—one year ago. Reggae-rock favorite Fortunate Youth opens the show. Friday, July 21. 7 p.m $36-$86

Billy Currington w/Jessie James Decker

It’s been 16 years since Currington ruled country charts with his megahit “Good Directions” (cowritten with a then relatively-unknown Luke Bryan who signed with Capitol Nashville the same hear the song went platinum). The 49-yearold is still at it and released his latest album, Intuition in 2021. Italian-born songwriter (and short-lived reality TV star) Jessie James Decker opens the show. Saturday, Sept. 9, $49.50-$99.50

Kenny Loggins w/Pablo Cruise This is it, your chance to take a yacht to the yacht-rock concert. It’s also your final opportunity to see Loggins on a tour since he’s saying goodbye to the road after this run, which actually kicked off in Sarasota three months ago. Saturday, Sept. 16. 7 p.m $50-$275

Ringo Starr & His All-Starr Band This iteration of the All-Starr Band—the 15th since 1989—features Toto’s Steve Lukather, Men At Work’s Colin Hay, Average White Band’s Hamish

Chris Young w/Nate Smith/Breland

Seventeen years after he won season four of USA Network’s “Nashville Star,” Chris Young is still out on the road. The 38-year-old is joined by nurse-turned-country-crooner Nate Smith (who just released his debut album) and 27-yearold rising “cross-country” star Daniel Gerard Breland whose blend of country, rap, R&B, gospel and soul could be the blueprint for the next generation of the genre’s stars. Friday, Nov. 10. 7:30 p.m. $39.50-$99.50

Steve Miller Band w/Samantha Fish “The Joker” himself is ushering in winter at The Sound, and you won’t be laughing if you get to the show early and miss a set from Samantha Fish. The 34-year-old blues songwriter and guitarist is no stranger to Bay area festivals (she’s a mainstay at Vinoy Park for the Tampa Bay Blues Festival), and returns to Coachman after melting faces off at the Sea-Blues Festival in 2018. Thursday, Dec. 14, 7 p.m. $64.50-$164.50

COMING HOME: Clearwater Jazz Holiday returns to Coachman Park this fall.

VISITSTPETECLEARWATER/FACEBOOK

Feel a thing

St. Pete Pride headliner Meet Me @ the Altar talks coming out, more.

By Josh Bradley

The world’s changed dramatically since the members of diverse, all-female alt-rock trio Meet Me At The Altar (stylized “Meet Me @ The Altar”) made their first Tampa Bay appearance at Ybor City’s dearly departed Blue Note in December 2019. Only months later, neon-hairbraided lead singer Edith Victoria, Orlando-based guitarist Téa Campbell, and YouTube drummer Ada Juarez—all having come together from different states, thanks to the power of social media—quarantined together in Davenport, two miles northeast of St. Petersburg where the band is on the slate of performers for Pride.

The girls aren’t roomies anymore, but things only picked up from when they were. The band signed to Fueled By Ramen (home to Fall Out Boy and A Day To Remember), opened for Twenty One Pilots and Knuckle Puck, and earlier this year, released a debut album, Past // Present // Future, which largely takes on Internet haters and female empowerment.

it was just like, a learning experience. Especially growing up in New Jersey, where everything is pretty liberal, and I had no problem coming out to any of my friends or really, anyone else.”

It makes sense that in the years to follow— mainly the post-COVID ones—Meet Me @ The Altar has been a common name at select Pride celebrations across the country. Needless to say, St. Pete Pride’s big concert this weekend won’t be their first rodeo, but Campbell and Juarez fondly remember theirs.

INTERVIEW

Juarez attended her first Pride event—New York Pride—with her friends at the age of 18. “Honestly, best day of my life,” she laughed. “The city was ours. It was that type of feeling: You were in New York City, and there were so many gay people around. Oh, and me and my friends had skateboards. We were just skating around following the parade, and meeting random people.”

And even before they made it big, Edith, Téa, and Ada wanted to make it blatantly clear that they love, respect, and honor everyone in the LGBTQ+ community. While Victoria is a major ally to say the least, Campbell and Juarez are both members of the community, and have totally different stories about coming out for the first time. “I came out when I was 14 years old,” Campbell said during a phone call on the way to a Maryland gig. “I was out at school, and I had myself a little girlfriend.”

Of course, when Valentine’s Day rolled around, Campbell wanted to get her love interest a gift, but because her parents would have to give her money and drive her to the store, she was nervous about telling them the truth. “I knew that they were accepting, but it was just really nervewracking,” she added.

Luckily, when Campbell told her dad, he was indeed accepting, but also not at all surprised.

As for Juarez, she always knew that she was into girls, but tried to convince herself that she also liked guys. It didn’t work, and when she was 13 years old, her mom was driving her home from school, when they saw a female couple walking together and holding hands.

“My mom made a comment at that moment, and I told her that I was gay. Her response…it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good,” Juarez recalled. As the years passed, though, her parents both warmed up to the idea. “They came around, and

Ada would later add how cool literally everyone was. Let’s be real: The more LGBTQ+ friendly an event is, the less hostile the environment is.

As for Campbell, she attended the 2017 iteration of Orlando Pride (no, not the women’s soccer team, you dope), and had the exact same sentiments. “That was the first time that I got to see just the large amount of support for the community, and so many people unafraid to be themselves,” she recalled. “Especially because I was so young, I think that helped me feel a lot more comfortable with my sexuality.”

They don’t necessarily aim to have any songs become Pride-specific anthems (per Victoria, “The voice of the band doesn’t really relate to that”), but they never use specific pronouns in their songs about relationships. “I feel like that’s really powerful, in the sense that people can relate to it no matter what. They can put their own experiences into the song so they can think about the person that they like,” she added.

Meet Me @ The Altar formed after Campbell came across a drum cover of “Holding Onto You” by Twenty One Pilots on Juarez’ YouTube channel. Campbell reached out to the drummer—who had previously appeared in a lost-to-the-ages Kellogg’s advert for female empowerment—and the two started talking, eventually deciding to start a virtual band. But there was still a missing piece: A vocalist.

“You know how YouTube recommends videos like, randomly?” Edith asked. As it turned out, Juarez released a video announcing that

her new band needed a singer, and while Edith auditioned, she initially ended up being beaten out by someone who turned out to not be the best fit. “I always say that you can’t be rude and bad at your job, but [the original singer] was both, so it didn’t really work,” Victoria explained.

In the end, following a few months of nagging Campbell via text, Victoria was given a chance to sing for the band on a cover, and the rest is history. Half a decade later, the band was at last year’s mega When We Were Young Festival in Las Vegas, which the girls previously admitted to thinking of as a scam upon first finding out about it. Their hero, Hayley Williams—who they FaceTimed once in 2020—even sent them a note ahead of Paramore’s first set.

By the time Meet Me @ The Altar calls it quits much later this century, they hope to change the “gatekeepingness” of rock as a whole. “For the longest time, there were just certain rules that you had to follow that we just don’t anymore,” Campbell explained.

“We’re the type of people who were influenced by so many different genres, that if we were to just stick with specifically pop-punk or something, we’d just be crazy to do the same thing over and over. We need people to be pushing the genre and adding their element and just like, making it their own, because that’s the whole point of making music: To put your own personal spin on it.”

In short, by the end of the century, rock will hopefully hold up the way Pride does, in that all influences will be welcome.

St. Pete Pride: Parade and festival w/Meet Me @ The Altar/Malaysia Babydoll/Shevonne and The Force/more. Sat., June 24, 2 p.m.-10 p.m. No cover. Vinoy Park, 701 Bayshore Dr. NE, St. Petersburg. stpetepride.org

“It was just really nerve-wracking.”

NOW OR NEVER: This weekend finds Meet Me @ The Altar headlining its biggest Bay area show to date.

Q: Who is having thoughts of suicide?

a.

b.

d.

c.

By Josh Bradley & Ray Roa C CL Recommends

THU 22

Garbage w/Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds/Metric The last time Noel Gallagher stopped in Tampa Bay was with his brother in 1996, at the USF Sun Dome, when Oasis was promoting (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? We’re not gonna sit here and pray for a reunion of sorts, though, knowing how badly the Gallagher brothers are at each other’s throats (although Noel teased one last weekend after his football club Manchester City won the treble, you fuck). At the very least, Noel and his High Flying Birds have been making their setlists this summer half solo material, and half Oasis material. You gotta roll with it. (MidFlorida Credit Union Amphitheatre, Tampa)

Jacuzzi Boys w/Snacks/The Drain

Outs A Jacuzzi Boys show is a rite of passage for any self-respecting Florida fan of rock and roll. This one, however, might be the first Bay area gig since the Miami tropgoth and psych-surf outfit released a new EP, Dipped , where the band, err, dips in and out of a 17-minute, hook and fuzz-laden release that begs for repeated listens. Alabama indierock favorite Snacks opens. (Hooch and Hive, Tampa)

Music School: The Art of MCing w/ Pusha Preme Heroes eventually die. That’s a message on a forthcoming, transparent album from masked Tampa rapper Pusha Preme, but for this gig, the songwriter who plays what feels like a bazillion gigs a year takes a seat to talk about his art as part of a behind-the-scenes speaker and performance series inside the new Kress Collective in Ybor City. CL Editor-In-Chief Ray Roa moderates the talk, which is followed by an intimate live performance. (Kress Collective, Ybor City)

FRI 23

Charlie w/Jet Fuel Soda/Swivvel/ Foxgloves/Skate Shoes Jet Fuel Soda’s 2022 album American Soda Candy Rock sounds like it could be a sugary sweet affair, but there’s nothing saccharine about it. Save for the lo-fi “Sunny,” from the opening track, “Geek” and across 20 more minutes until the bonus cut “Country Song (Dog),” the album is scuzzy, distorted rock that’s turned all the way up with just a flash of melody (“Infinte Car Rides (Harry’s Song),”Oz Hevvy (Pusher)”) for the emo kids in the crowd. Local indie-rock-turned-emo-favorite Charlie headlines the show while newish Bay area band Radaghast (which plays “Experimental Laundry Rock/Ear Music”) runs the opening slot. (Hooch and Hive, Tampa)

EG Kight Some health issues that the Georgia-based blues singer has faced— including simultaneous meningitis and

encephalitis—would be enough to keep someone somewhat secluded for the rest of their lives, but she credits “the three ‘G’s’” (God, goats, and guitars) for keeping her going. When Kight isn’t in the studio or on the road, she is usually hanging out near a pond in her backyard, in a constant meditative state of mind. But along with the kickoff to her summer east coast shows at the Palladium’s Side Door, Kight promises a new “country flavored southern fried blues” album on the way somewhat soon. (Side Door at Palladium Theater, St. Petersburg)

RuPaul’s Drag Race: Asia O’Hara w/ Bosco/DeJa Skye/Jujubee/Lady

Camden/Laganja/Vanessa Vanjie/more Mark my words: One of these days, RuPaul himself will pay Tampeños a visit. In the meantime, the night before St. Pete Pride goes down, a handful of regulars and former contestants on the show will werq a dystopian themed shindig (gosh, I wonder why), with all the lip-syncing and references to “The Matrix” you could want. There’s no chance that anyone hitting the stage will stick around for St. Pete Pride the next day, though (the tour hits Orlando on Saturday). And, this is an 18+ affair, so shut the fuck up about saving the children and let us have fun for one night, OK? (Ruth Eckerd Hall, Clearwater)

Shevonne & The Force Shevonne & The Force is part of Pride’s Saturday concert (6:50 p.m. in Vinoy Park, people), but this is a chance to see the outfit headline just a few months after it released a new mixtape, Episode IV (a. new. vibe.), where the Force (stylized “The FVRCE” for this one) pulls in ‘70s soul samples (think Delfonics, Barry White) for a smooth, laid-back outing. (Central Park Performing Arts Center, Largo)

SAT 24

Black Midi w/Yhwh Nailgun The London-based experimental rock outfit is currently out promoting its third studio album Hellfire , and plays Tampa for the first time. While the album itself is tinged with hints of jazz, progressive rock, and even a few moments of steel pedal guitar, Black Midi (stylized “black midi”) has included smaller plexi discs with some vinyl pre-orders. Plus, when Anthony Fantano of The Needle Drop— one of the harshest music critics on the Internet—gives your album a 9/10, you know that you have something good. (Orpheum, Tampa)

Four Star Riot AI is getting a lot of attention these days, and Bay area rock band Four Star Riot—playing this free show—isn’t shying away from issuing it in a new video for the title track of its new LP, Modern Living . “It’s about this age and its frayed, nonstop connections,” frontman Steve Alex told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay, about the clip that’s a mish mash of augmented reality and analog visuals (he apparently read a lot of Thoreau’s “Walden” in the creation of the track). ”Some of the lyrics reflect the daily hustle, others the intrusion of social media and 24-hour news cycles. The song’s refrain ‘...take it all, take it all away’ hints at a desire for simplicity without all the constant contact.” (Dunedin Brewery, Dunedin)

Florida Rules Nothing lasts forever, and that includes the end all be alls of famed local hardcore festivals. After saying, “The last Florida Rules Fest will be 6/13/20 at The Noise Box” back in January 2020, the fest returned last year and is back again this weekend complete with more than two dozen of the

Shevonne & The Force

Sunshine State’s heaviest hitters in hardcore, punk and emo all cramming in a full day of action at this DIY venue in the Brandon suburbs. (The Noise Box, Tampa)

Notsew w/Jam Tranquille Jazz Duo/ Reasy The beloved Tampa rapper closes a test run of 30-minute, unplugged gigs, backed by a full, six-piece jazz band. The 23-year-old emcee—promoting his recent Sidetracked LP—might be planning to take this show on the road, so this might be your only chance to indulge in his material, while also snacking on boiled peanuts and natural wine in good ol’ Ybor. (La Sétima Club, Ybor City)

The Original Misfits w/Megadeth/ Fear Since a 2014 court case centered around a Hot Topic t-shirt deal, Jerry Only, Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein, and Glenn Danzig have dug up the bones and are sporadically bringing their horror-rock pioneering performances to extremely limited locations around the country. This winter officially marks 40 years since Danzig has fronted a Misfits record, so if there’s a new album featuring him in the works, fiend clubbers are about to witness history. But if not, the first of the band’s three summer gigs goes down at the ol’ Gary with a little help from Megadeth and Fear. (Midflorida Credit Union Amphitheatre, Tampa)

SUN 25

The Best Fest: Big Sad w/Biscuits ‘n’ Grady/Jeff Brawer/Crash Mitchell/The Deluxe 12/more To some people, everything in the world is “The Best.” That’s the way Eric Mayers saw it, and his community is still feeling his loss, four months after he died, and six after the Tampa musician and scene champ was diagnosed with lung cancer. Mayers—who showed up to the old New World Brewery in a cheerleader uniform to root for the bands he loved—loved almost everything, including weird music like Captain Beefheart, Melt Banana, and Lubricated Goat. He even played some himself as part of Diaphragments (hear some unheard, 20 year old material via cltampa. com). For this show benefitting Gilda’s Club and The Lung Cancer Research Foundation, the favorite charities of his wife Michele, Mayers’ musician friends will take to the stage at Ybor Heights arts compound/carnival/roadside attraction Crab Devil, which is also, the best. (Crab Devil, Tampa)

MON 26

No Mas w/Knoll/Shining Wizard/Pariah/ Ramtha The Washington D.C.-based grindcore outfit is finally touring behind its latest album Consume / Deny / Repent , and brings a brand-new barrage of fellow metal support to its debut Orpheum gig, which comes just three months after the band performed with Ringworm and Brat at Tampa’s Brass Mug. (Orpheum, Tampa)

TUE 27

Mexican Coke w/Die/Dogmatic/Ramtha/ Plague Spitter Tuesday’s a good one for

making your ears bleed, and if you don’t bring protection to Born Free when Mexican Coke plays, that’s what’ll happen to you. The hardcore outfit, which plays masked, is one of Houston’s most manic live music exports. It’s joined by another ear-shattering, albeit, punkier outfit, Die (Chicago), along with Tampa bands Dogmatic and Plague Spitter, plus Ramtha, a crossover thrash band from St. Petersburg. (Born Free Pub & Grill, Tampa)

Yungblud w/The Regrettes The last time we saw Mr. “strawberry lipstick,” he was packing in 97X Next Big Thing attendees while doing regular Yungblud things, like chanting “fuck COVID”—not in a Qanon manner—or grabbing the videographer’s camera to set in front of his mic stand. With a completely new, eponymous album to promote, the 25-year-old just might have a few new stunts up his sleeve. The Regrettes for their part, are supporting the band’s third studio album, Further Joy, which plays like a manual for navigating these times. “I was stuck in a loop of wanting to be better, wanting to be good, and therefore I couldn’t be here.

I couldn’t be present,” Regrettes singersongwriter Lydia Night said. (Jannus Live, St. Petersburg)

WED 28

Souls of Mischief w/DJ Sandman The date is part of a whopping 93-date world tour celebrating the 30th anniversary of group’s 1993, era-defining album, ‘93 ‘Til Infinity, which found the prolific, rap group—A-Plus, Phesto, Opio and Tajai from the Hieroglyphics crew—bringing the underground sounds of its hometown of Oakland, California to doorsteps across the country from Idaho, to Omaha, and, yes, Tampa. The message and storytelling on the album were relatable in ways that the gangsta rap at the time was not, while the musicality of the intricate beats, hard-tofollow basslines and samples of weird fusion (Billy Cobham) and East coast jazz-rap opened the fanbase up to a different set of weirdos. Good vibrations, and inspiration, indeed. (The Bricks, Ybor City)

THU 29

The Cure w/The Twilight Sad Time to learn how to put mascara on again because the prince of England’s gloomy post-punk scene is coming to Tampa this summer as part of The Cure’s first North American tour in seven years. The show is long sold-out.

(Amalie Arena, Tampa)

Lady A w/Dave Barnes No, this isn’t the jazz singer that beared the same name 30 years, but the country trio—which changed its name in the wake of the 2020 Black Lives Matter protests—currently in the midst of a run of shows that contain both hits, and a fistful of audience requests. Before this tour came to fruition, the band performed a stirring version of “Surfer Girl” at “A Grammy Salute to The Beach Boys,” and singer Charles Kelley struggled with sobriety, but came out strong with a new solo single about his fight, entitled “As Far As You Could.”

(Mahaffey Theater, St. Petersburg)

The Cure

THECURE/FACEBOOK

With his most frequent collaborator, songwriter and singer Daniela Soledade, Nate Najar’s guitar plays bossa nova, but in this ensemble featuring two other guitarists— Carl Amundson and Dominic Walker—plus bassist Joe Porter and drummer Jean Bolduc, the in-demand musical genius takes on blues, bebop and big band.

The gig that, simply put, will swing in a big way. You’ll recognize the work of Django

Under The Rug Sunday, July 2. 7:30 p.m. $20 & up. Music Hall at New World Brewery, Tampa

The Waymores Friday, July 7. 9 p.m. No cover. Ella’s Americana Folk Art Cafe, Tampa Contention (opening for Orthodox w/ Chamber/156-Silence/Cell) Monday, July 10. 7:30 p.m. $18. Crowbar, Ybor City

Seals & Crofts 2 Thursday, July 13. 7:30 p.m. $25-$45. Hough Hall at Palladium Theater, St. Petersburg

GreyMarket w/Mercy McCoy/Emily Turnage Friday, July 14. 8 p.m. $12. Hooch and Hive, Tampa

Fred Johnson Friday, July 14. 6 p.m. $40 & up. Bethel Community Baptist Church, St. Petersburg

Skating Polly w/Bugsy/Jacklen Ro Friday, July 14. 8:30 p.m. $15. Music Hall at New World Brewery, Tampa

Mid-Year Rap Rager 7: B-Zeik w/Jon Ditty/Pedro El Poeta/Pen Protectors/Ya Boy Smilez/Palm Pact/Lifted N Gifted/ Idle Friend/Around The Bonfire/DJ Ken Kong Sunday, July 16. 7 p.m. No cover. Floridian Social, St. Petersburg

Ronnie’s Birthday Jamboree: Patient w/ Deaf Company/Beach Terror/Hateself Thursday, July 20. 7 p.m. No cover. Crowbar, Ybor City

Reinhardt, Duke Ellington and Thad Jones in the set, but try and get to Palladium’s intimate Side Door early, sit up close, and let your jaw drop at the technique and feel this who’s who of an ensemble will flex for the gig.

Tickets to Nate Najar’s Swing Guitars inside Side Door Cabaret at Palladium Theater in St. Petersburg on Sunday, June 16 are available for $30-$50.

Emery w/Strawberry Girls/Slow Joy Tuesday, July 25. 6:30 p.m. $22. Orpheum, Tampa.

Shane Torres w/TBA Saturday, Aug. 19. 9 p.m. $20. Crowbar, Ybor City

A Light Divided w/Rise Among Rivals Sunday, Aug. 13. 5:30 p.m. $10. Crowbar, Ybor City

Watkins Glen Summer Jam: Steeln’ Peaches w/Have Gun, Will Travel/Uncle John’s Band Saturday, Aug. 19. 8 p.m. $30 & up. Hough Hall at Palladium Theater, St. Petersburg

Ben Nichols w/Lulu and the Black Sheep/Oliver Peck Thursday, Aug. 31. 7 p.m. $20. Orpheum, Tampa

Rod Wave 1st Annual Birthday Bash Friday, Sept. 1. 7 p.m. $60 & up. Amalie Arena, Tampa

Tauk w/Electric Kif Saturday, Sept. 9. 7 p.m. $20 & up. Floridian Social, St. Petersburg

AC Slater w/Kaleena Zanders Saturday, Sept. 9. 10 p.m. $20. The Ritz, Ybor City

Noah Cyrus Wednesday, Sept. 13. 8 p.m. $27.50. Jannus Live, St. Petersburg

Jamie O’Neal Friday, Sept. 22. 8 p.m. $29.50 & up. Central Park Performing Arts Center, Largo

DANIELA SOLEDADE

Marriage

By Dan Savage

I got married in 2001. Our sex life was mostly fine, but it was always a little weird because I’m the only woman he’d ever been with—not only sexually, but in a relationship at all. I was 23, he was 30. We bought a house, had a couple of kids, etc., and our sex life settled into a great groove for a couple of years after the second kid was born. But in 2017 it hit the skids. He started having ED problems, but when I’d try to talk about it, he’d get angry and defensive. I tried to rewrite the sexual script, but that never worked. Finally in the fall of 2021, I made an appointment for marriage counseling. We were making progress at first, but then I realized that all he wanted to do was bitch about his job and his in-laws. He never came to me to initiate sex or conversations about sex, I had to do all the emotional labor around the issue, and it was like trying to clap with one hand.

I felt like I was watching a slow-motion train wreck with echoes of your column in the back of my mind. All the things: increasing emotional distance, my own lack of desire because I feel like I’d just get shot down again, my deteriorating sense of self-worth. In the end the thing that was the most painful wasn’t the lack of sex, it was our total inability to talk about the lack of sex. He refused to discuss it. Or he’d say he wanted sex but then do nothing about it or, even worse, sabotage my efforts. In one of our last sessions, our marriage counselor pushed him on the medications for ED. He said he would make an appointment but never did.

know in the back of my head exactly what was happening to me and my marriage but also not to feel like I could do anything about it. I suspect you hear this type of thing on the regular.—Tried Everything

And Regret Staying

This is going to sound random, TEARS, but bear with me: there’s this meme that flies around Instagram and Twitter whenever a man does something stupid — it’s in constant circulation —that you’ve probably seen: “Men will literally [X] instead of going to therapy.”

Well, a tortured and not very funny version of that meme kept popping into my head while I was reading your very long letter: “Straight people will literally do anything to save their marriages—including going to therapy—but not fuck other people.”

SAVAGE LOVE

“Never before have our expectations of marriage taken on such epic proportions,” writes psychotherapist and bestselling author Esther Perel. “We still want everything the traditional family was meant to provide—security, respectability, property, and children—but now we also want our partner to love us, to desire us, to be interested in us. We should be best friends and trusted confidants, and passionate lovers to boot.”

When our marriages fail to live up to every last one of our expectations—and no marriage lives up to every expectation—what do we then? It’s a question all married people face at some point. When our marriages fall short, when the person we married fails to meet or ceases to meet an important need, we have two options: We can adjust our expectations and make accommodations and allowances accordingly, TEARS, or we can end our marriages.

The lack of sex was like a cancer that metastasized and rotted out the core of my marriage. On the outside everything was great, we got along, we worked well together, and we were excellent co-parents. But inside I was dying. I couldn’t cheat, I’m too introverted for that. So, the rejections and hits to my self-esteem kept coming. My mental health deteriorated, but I couldn’t talk to him about that either.

Anyway, I ended it in February of this year. I now live with my mom about two miles down the road. And now we get along like good friends. We continue to co-parent well, we work together, all that. Once I removed “marriage expectations” from the relationship, turns out he’s great! A really good and helpful friend! I now suspect he wanted out but couldn’t do the “end it” bit, so I had to be the bad guy. I’m spending a lot of time in therapy but it’s still hard. I mean, it’s way better now because I don’t want to “un-alive” myself anymore (as the kids say these days), but I still have a lot of grief.

I’ve been reading your column since I was a teenager. I wanted to let you know that all the stuff you’ve said about a situation where in a monogamous marriage one partner stops wanting to have sex is 100% true. It was so strange to

I don’t blame you for leaving your husband, TEARS, and if anyone is to blame for the collapse of your marriage, it’s him. Constant sexual rejection can lay waste to a person’s self-esteem, particularly when we’re rejected by someone with whom we once enjoyed a strong sexual connection. Being left to wonder what the fuck is wrong—particularly when your spouse refuses talk about it or do something that seems as easy and obvious as getting ED meds—can leave a person feeling terrible about their normal and healthy sexual desires even years after a sexless relationship ends. Your husband owed you an explanation, at the very least, and he couldn’t even give you that.

But a crazy thing happened once you left him: once you accepted that you couldn’t make the sex work and stopped trying— which you only did after you tried almost everything (spicing things up, taking the initiative, finding a couples’ counselor)—suddenly everything that worked about your marriage came into focus. You started to get along again. You realized you still enjoyed his company. You could appreciate parenting with him. Once you removed your “marriage expectations” from the equation, once you dropped your sexual expectations, you could suddenly see—using your words here—that the man you married was still pretty great.

Don’t get me wrong, TEARS: your sexual expectations were perfectly reasonable. But we expect a lot from marriage-as-an-institution these days—perhaps too much.

This is a long way of me saying… I think there was an accommodation you could’ve asked of your husband. You say you’ve been reading me for a long time, TEARS, so I’m a little disappointed that it didn’t occur to at least try adjusting your

You’re not the first person I’ve heard from over the last 30 years (you’re not the first person I’ve heard from this week) with the same story: a sexless marriage, conflict, misery, and counseling, and then someone walks out—usually the one who misses sex—and then everything that was good about the relationship, all the reasons you might want to stay in the marriage, come into focus. Once the conflict over sex is removed, the relationship flourishes again. Now, sexual incompatibility is a perfectly legitimate reason to end a sexual relationship, TEARS. Monogamy is important to many people, and some people would rather start over trying to find someone new—not easy for an introvert— than give ethical non-monogamy a chance. But more people might be inclined to give ethical non-monogamy a chance, and more marriages might be saved, if couples’ counselors, sex therapists, and sex-advice columnists didn’t insist that sexlessness marriages are a problem that can always be solved. Date nights, scheduled sex, pot edibles and wine are great but they’re not going to turn someone who still loves you but doesn’t wanna fuck you into someone who loves you and does wanna fuck you. (I recently saw a post by a sex therapist on Instagram extolling the benefits of scheduled sex— anticipation fuels desire!—but scheduling sex with someone who doesn’t wanna fuck you isn’t gonna fill that person with desire. It’s not anticipation they’re going to feel, it’s dread—dreading the sex they don’t want to have, and dreading the disappointment and hurt they’re going to inflict.)

“marriage expectations” before you left. I’m not talking about cheating—you say you’re too introverted for cheating—but getting permission from your husband to get sex elsewhere. Since everything else was working (you get along, enjoy each other’s company, you parent well together), maybe the one thing you ruled out—fucking other people—was the thing that could’ve saved your marriage.

There may have been too much damage done to save your marriage—too much rejection over too many years, too few answers, too little effort—but many more marriages become more-or-less companionate over time than anyone seems willing to acknowledge. (Well, anyone other than Amy Schumer in her new standup special on Netflix.) If we expected sexlessness in our marriages eventually and set our marital expectations accordingly, TEARS, those of us who are still fucking our spouses 20 years in would be pleasantly surprised and those of us who hadn’t fucked our spouses in years might feel less betrayed and devastated. And if we could wrap our heads around the kinds of accommodations that could make a sexless marriage less unbearable—some license, some leeway, some safe and discreet outlets— more good, loving, and decent marriages like yours might survive.

Send mail, get podcasts and more via savage.love.

NOTE: All theme answers in this puzzle are

7

10

11 Jackie’s second

13

15

SELF-HELP AND BEYOND by Merl Reagle