IGUANA CAUGHT

rambling old house surrounded by fruit trees, vegetable patches and fallow land which our cats patrolled and hunted. One day, Skittles, the biggest and fiercest, returned with a small snake in his mouth and dropped it at my feet.

I was outside with Marcela our landlady as we gardened together, and I stopped talking and shrieked in horror. Marcela, a countrywoman practically twice my age, raised an eyebrow, bent down and picked up the snake with her secateurs. Reaching for mine she proceeded to snip the dangling snake into neat sections.

“You don’t want one of those getting into the house, now do you,” she said, sensing that I was going to shriek again.

Mopping the porch not long after, I lifted the doormat outside the front door and saw what appeared to be a neatly coiled belt stuck to it. A closer look revealed that it was a slim snake with pretty marking which was quite flattened and very dead. But I shuddered then and shudder now to wonder how many ever made it indoors without my knowing.

WHAT is it these days and people having extraordinary but unconventional pets. The closest thing we got to majestic back in my day was a tortoise or a parakeet. Now people have Iguanas as pets! How and why I, I will never understand and them getting out on the loose is becoming extremely common too. Does anyone else remember about the big cat that ended up in somebody’s garden a few weeks ago. It is shocking.

More needs to be done to make sure that these animals don’t get out of their enclosures or owners’ homes. It is so unsafe; these things could attack anyone or anything and who would be responsible then? I hope I don’t find some majestic animal in my back garden anytime soon. I can’t even deal with the mosquitos, never mind a big cat or something that resembles a dragon making their appearance known around me.

Yours faithfully, Joan

Fixing football

FIXING football games and over 23 people involved in the process, how sick. It took a lot in my day and it takes a lot now to become a professional athlete and to get yourself to a certain level and schemes like this aggravate me. I will say I don’t agree with how much footballers are paid. However, I do think you should give credit where credit is due and respect the sport. So many young kids look up to these sports men and women. They are inspirational. Especially from some of the stories that you hear from the players that came from nothing. It is just sad that something so special for so many people can just be taken advantage of, just to make sure somebody else’s pockets are nicely lined up with money. I hope more is done to prevent this and catch this out sooner in the future. It is so hard to know what is real and what is not anymore.

Annoyed, Jett

The ‘ole boy’

DEAR Sirs, Reading Leapy over the past couple of weeks, I cannot but wonder if a little bit of ‘wokery’ is subduing the ‘ole boy’.

I guess the freedom of speech we used to have as expats has been curtailed by the omnipresent agents of the increasingly dystopian world around us.

As an aside it can get a little silly, Leapy often refers to himself as an ole boy, I recently got an email from my old school ‘advertising’ forthcoming old boys’ events. I was surprised to notice the inaugural LGBT dinner (tickets 40 quid!), it seems the promoters are also puzzled as it would surely be non pc to call it an old boys dinner.

Nonetheless as it is a boys’ school there can be little doubt that the attendees, at least at the age of 11 had grown a *****. (column 2­8 Feb).

Keeping up the good fight!

JD cyber attack... you’re never going to get me

THESE days the internet is a wonderful but mischievous place, and I can’t believe that things such as cyber ­ attacks are a thing. My grandson first told me about this and then I came across it in the newspaper. I think sometimes the less you have the better it is, and I will tell you now that these attackers won’t be getting me. I keep it simple, no Facebook, no Instagram, no social media. Just a phone and a phone book and if you need me or if I need you well you will have my number and I will have yours. The old way of thinking works and people do need to be more cautious!

Don’t leave or put just anything on the internet. It has such an impact and I enjoy having my diary, I think more young ones need one these days.

Best, Harry

Sir Paul McCartney

IF there had been another disaster of a Beatles member I don’t know if I would have been able to take it. They were and are my youth.

They have given me my best memories and continue to do so today. I have grandchildren and with all this earache that is called ‘music’ today it is funny to see what way they react when I put on my old tunes. I think the older style of music breathes a bit of fresh air in comparison to all those drums and bass. Yesterday is Julie, my eldest granddaughter’s favourite while Kylie loves Norwegian Wood. They both take after me with their impeccable taste in Beatles songs. I think they didn’t believe me when I told them the Beatles had a song called Octopus’ Garden or Yellow Submarine.

These days I wish sometimes I could just go deep dive in the yellow submarine and get some peace and quiet. But duty calls when you’re a grandmother.

Dancing in strawberry fields, Martha

Wrapping up

WHOEVER oversees the pictures that go into the paper ­ thank you for the tremendous laugh you gave me when I saw the Dachshund with a bright yellow jacket on, in page 45.

That has made my day and is now living on my fridge cut out.

The simplest things in life make it the best and I can tell you this, that has made my day.

I remain, Yours faithfully

Barry Morgan

Just waiting for the missus to notice and see what she thinks. Let’s hope she lets me keep the wee doggo up.... going to need a name for it now.

Let’s hope I don’t get a woof time, David