Yellowbrick Social Unrest and Parenting Teenagers

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SocialUnrestandParentingTeenagers

Weare all struggling to absorb the intense andfrightening social unrest that has eruptedfollowing the brutal killing ofGeorge Floyd, exposing againpainful anddeeply unsettling inequalities andinjustices thatbubble below the surface of our civil life. There are two elements of this circumstance to whichwe as parents canattune inunderstanding ourteenagers’ responses and helping themnavigate the turbulent waters. The Þrstis recognizing thatrebellionand Þghting unfairness lie atthe core ofteen emotional life. The secondis Þnding away to provide guidance and assistance, even as we ourselves may feel uncertainand anxious.

Challenging authority is the developmental hallmark of adolescence. Teens push against “the establishment,” whether it be parents, school, religion or indeed the political order, so that they can discover what they themselves value or believe in. It’s the primary way teenagers form their identity and it’s an exercise that fosters healthy brain growth, to boot. In a nutshell, this is why political upheaval the world over and throughout the centuries is and has so often been driven by youth. With a brain newly able to register abstractions in the world, young people are drawn to see unfairness and injustice. Veryactive hormones produce the energy to act against what they register. “Taking to the streets” comes naturally and meets the developmental moment.

Atthe same time, even thoughthey may be loathto acknowledge it, teens crave security. Pushing against asettled orderpropels them into a space where they may experience disorder and uncertainty. Living in that space may be important and even necessary to discover who they are and what values they wish to endorse, but equally important is that the world not crumble around them—that the order against which they push can withstand the challenge.

Again, our teens may not admit it, but they need our reassurance. This is a point at which the current upheaval can pose a challenge to parents. We ourselves feel outrage, uncertainty,fear. Weourselves crave the world to be settledandordered. Whatwe can do that our teens can’t, however, is see the bigger picture. We may not know just what light there is at the end of the tunnel, but we do know from our own experience that we will get through to it. That sense of grounding serves as an anchor for ourteens. If weÞnd ourselves too upset by the current situation to hold that grounding—andthere is plenty ofgood reason why we mightfeel thatway—itis importantto turn to otheradults forsolaceor assistance,whetheritbefamily,friends,orprofessionals if needed. Yellowbrick remains available to you or your teen in such a circumstance.

MichaelLosoff,PhD Staff Psychologist Director ofAdolescent Services Yellowbrick