Evanston Woman Magazine by Evanston Woman Magazine

A PATH to WELLNESS with JENNY ARRINGTON

HEALTH & WELLNESS Jennifer Schuman

Education fuels innovation and progress. That’s why Rotary members encourage lifelong learning: exchanging ideas and inspiring generations of problem solvers. Learning together to explore what’s possible — that’s what people of action do. Find out more at Rotary.org.

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Serving The North Shore with The Finest Plumbing, Heating, Cooling And Sewer Services Since 1918. Family Owned And Operated CONTENTS

Vol 2 Issue 11

Departments WELLNESS 02

Pain with Sex? With Link Physical Therapy 04 Healthcare Decisions with Intensive Karen. COVER STORY 05 Jenny Arrington Opens Up About Life, Self Reflection, and Shares Her Path to Wellness. FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS 09 Preventive Lawyering with P. Ann O’Connell Law, LTD 10 This Can’t Be Happening With Yellowbrick Treatment COMMUNITY 11 Women’s Club of Evanston Spring Revue Supporting Girls Play Sports. Editor in Chief Photography

Linda Del Bosque Jennifer Schuman Horizon Chicago Photography

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Jennifer Arrington The Woman’s Club of Evanston evanstonwoman@gmail.com Facebook.com/evanstonwoman IG: evanston_woman

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WELLNESS

Pain with Sex? Specialized Physical Therapy Can Help!

A Wellness Studio Transforming Lives with Dr. Dejan Kotur

magine what it would be like to feel “home” no matter where you were, being totally comfortable and confident in your own skin. Welcome to Vitality Wellness Studio, where people achieve massive personal transformation, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. Dr. Dejan Kotur has made it his life’s purpose to help people express optimal health through Network Care. Network Spinal Analysis or NSA is a gentle, light-touch chiropractic technique that cues the brain to relieve chronic life tension and trauma from the spine and nervous system. As these subtle touches are applied through NSA care, the body/mind can begin to function in a more integrated and flexible fashion. This increases one’s ability to respond to stress, while developing more advanced strategies for life. As your body speaks to you and with you, you will learn to use the tools you gain as a compass to guide your life. We here at Vitality Wellness Studio are new to the great city of Evanston, having opened up shop in 2018, and we are so excited to share the healing power of NSA that teaches us the power and potential of our own bodies. We are ready to make this a year of wellness, growth, self-discovery, and embodied joy. If this speaks to you, and you are ready to begin your journey with us, we encourage you to reach out today!

ou’ve tried every lubrication under the sun, tried multiple vaginal moisturizers, and you have even done your kegels. Yet, sex is still painful. Guess what: you are not alone! Three out of four women in the U.S. experience painful sex at some time in their lives. For many, it is temporary, but for others, it can last for months or years. For some, sex has always been painful. Painful sex is common, but not normal at any point in a woman’s life. Understandably, this can cause significant distress and anxiety in women and their partners. Sexual issues may be difficult to discuss with a partner, friend, or even doctor. Many women have been socialized to assume that pain with sex is just something to “put up with” for reasons that are too numerous to go into in this article. What’s the cause? The most common time for women to experience sexual pain is soon after having a baby, with either perineal tearing, an epistolatory, or with hormonal changes that occur with breastfeeding. Other causes may include difficulty with arousal, vulvar skin conditions or with decreasing or lower levels of estrogen due to menopause or other conditions or medications affecting the reproductive organs. As specialized pelvic health physical therapists, we commonly treat women (and men) with sexual pain associated with pelvic floor muscle dysfunction. Just like other skeletal muscles in the body, the pelvic floor muscles can be tight and painful. So, similar to rehabilitation for other body parts, pelvic floor physical therapy can include muscle retraining, manual therapy, and flexibility exercises to improve function (including sexual function) in the pelvis. NEXT STEPS: If you experience pain with sex, see your gynecologist or primary care physician to be evaluated for any medical causes for pain. If there are no acute medical issues that are the cause (such as an infection), request a referral for pelvic floor physical therapy to evaluate the muscles and tissues in the pelvis. For more information please contact Link Physical Therapy

vitalitywellnessstudio@gmail.com Instagram: @vitalitywellnessstudio facebook.com/vitalitywellnessstudio yourvitalitystudio.com 1601 Sherman Ave, (847) 859-6499 EVANSTONWOMAN.COM

Link Physical Therapy Judith Florendo, PT, DPT Suzanne Badillo PT, WCS linkpt.org (847)868-8396

WELLNESS

What You Value is Not Determined by Others; Why would You Let Others Make Healthcare Decisions for You? By Karen Kopan, Intensive Karen

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onsider how long it takes you to order from a new menu. Or what you are going to watch on TV. Recall the research you did before purchasing your last car. Or the process of helping your child select a college. It doesn’t matter whether the decision is simple or complex, significant or routine, you choose what is important and useful to you based on your individual desires and values. Your healthcare is no different, don’t relinquish that decision to others.

Only 20-30% of Americans report having an advance directive such as a living will. This document allows you to express your values to your family and healthcare provider so they don’t have to guess. And it honors your individual values and beliefs, your preferences. If you were injured today and couldn’t speak for yourself, would your family and provider know what is important and valuable to you? Or would there be another level of stress added to the situation because they were left making decisions that they never thought they would have to make? As an ICU nurse for over 30 years, I witness firsthand the burden that children, spouses and their families take on when their loved one failed to express their wishes clearly. Whether the illness is expected or is a result of an unexpected event, it doesn’t change the responsibility to make difficult decisions. In 2016, the Centers for Disease Control listed heart disease, cancer and unintentional injuries (accidents) as the top 3 causes of death. The first two, heart disease and cancer, often have a predictable and gradual progression allowing time to have meaningful conversations with your family and healthcare provider about what you would or wouldn’t want at the end of your life; what you value. Even in these circumstances, families can wait too long to have difficult conversations.

“Remember; when disaster strikes, the time to prepare has passed.” Steven Cyros

Karen Kopan, the owner of Intensive Karen, has over 30 years of ICU experience as a medical professional and has guided tens of thousands of families in making difficult life and death decisions. If you or someone you love doesn’t have their wishes understood and well documented, and would like additional information or a complimentary consultation, email me at karen@intensivekaren.com or (847) 901-3888.

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enny Arrington wasn’t exactly the picture of health in her younger days. She smoked, did drugs recreationally, Adrank beyond her limit, was paralyzed with clinical depression, and imprisoned by anorexia and bulimia. More than a decade of these symptoms took a toll on her body, mind, and spirit. But today, Arrington is a highly sought-after yoga and spiritual teacher in the Chicago area, the wellness advisor at Northwestern’s University’s Kellogg School of Management and the proud mother of two daughters. Arrington, who works with everyone from 18 to 80, executives to aphasia patients, is committed to helping people use the lessons of yoga in their everyday lives. “You don’t come out of adolescence and your 20’s unharmed; everyone has baggage,” says Ar-rington, who nearly joined the Marine Corps as an officer after college. “I’ve learned one of my gifts is that I’m able to hear what’s not being said and see what’s not being shown. That it helps when working with students.” Arrington’s life began to shift in 2004 when she began taking a regular yoga class. A close friend from high school, Evanston’s Liz Lazar, noticed she was glowing. When Arrington explained she had begun taking yoga, Lazar was thrilled and passed on wisdom from a guru: ‘You can’t quit a bad habit. You have to bring something more compelling into your life, and the habit will just fall away.’ “I realized in that moment that was precisely what was happening, and it’s a concept I consistently revisit in my teaching,” Arrington says. The transformation didn’t happen overnight and is still a work in progress, but yoga became the “more compelling” thing that allowed healing to begin. The combination of somatic therapy, yoga asana, meditation, and Kundalini yoga, has given her the ability to process past trauma, forgive, and heal. “I was gang raped as a child, date raped multiple times, attacked by a family member as an adult, struggled with a 25 year-long eating disorder, gotten divorced, and continue to negotiate the complicated energy from men that more simply can be labeled as #metoo,” Arrington says. “All of these things help make me more compassionate, and they inform my teaching.” Inside The Yoga Studio Arrington’s classes uniquely incorporate different types of yoga, and she helps translate esoteric yogic philosophy into digestible takeaways. She crafts her practice EVANSTONWOMAN.COM

around a weekly theme which manifests differently in each class, depending on whether she is teaching Yin yoga, Hatha or Kundalini. “What I love about Jenny’s teaching style is the contradiction it sustains,” Lazar says. “She be-gins by explaining the scientific and medical value of the pose or the exercise. It all makes terrific sense and you’re in. “But then the magic,” Lazar says, her eyes getting wide. “Once knee deep in the asana or the breathing, you realize you’ve been tricked. And the whole thing is a ruse to open the heart space, the sweet gooey center where unlimited potential is unleashed as an accidental byproduct of the whole stinking ordeal.” Several weeks ago, the theme was stillness. Students practiced staying still, with their eyes closed or glued on one spot while in uncomfortable poses, or just standing still after something challenging. “Not a scratch, not a fidget, not an eye movement,” Arrington says. “We noticed those urges to fidget, and then resisted them. We talked about how those ‘itches’ in our lives are the crazy thoughts, triggers, and scenarios that send us into escape behaviors like eating, drinking, shopping, and screens. “Sometimes, if we wait in stillness for a while, that ‘“itch’h” goes away,” Arrington says. “The discomfort we feel out in the world is twenty times more uncomfortable than it is in a yoga class, but class is where we can train to prepare.” Though Arrington first explored yoga in a Bikram class, her own style of teaching downplays the hardcore exercise aspect. Yoga helps build strength, flexibility, and balance, but those are inferior benefits compared to what it can do for our minds, she says. “Yoga is a healing modality, not a workout, but the workout aspect can be an entree for people to dig into the depth of re-sources yoga pro-

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vides,” she says. Her classes also focus on healing, releasing destructive habits, achieving deep calm, and navigating a challenging world. She makes sure her students understand the science behind yogic practices and how they work. “I used to hate my body so much that I wanted to rip off my skin,” Arrington says. “I would slap myself across the face to punish myself for being so ugly and unlovable. There were many years every minute was consumed with thoughts about what I was or wasn’t eating, how my clothes rubbed my skin, how skin sat on my bones.” “But yoga and meditation worked to change my brain chemistry, which set me up for healing,” said Arrington. “I now feel good in my skin.” Evanston to the Core A third-generation Evanstonian, Arrington graduated from Evanston Township High School (ETHS) in 1994 and returned to Evanston after college and 12 years living in Chicago. She raises money for Evanston non-profits every month, and for the last four years she has been running Temperance Trikonasana, a yoga and beer collaboration where the participants get to meet the executive director of that month’s recipient charity. Temperance Trikonsana, a collaboration with Josh Gilbert, owner of Temperance Beer Co., was named a “Best Things To Do Around Town” last year in Chicago magazine. Arrington and Gilbert, who were ETHS high school classmates, were also both graduates of the 2015 Leadership Evanston program, which is develops leadership skills with a focus on Evanston’s unique history and diversity. “We love providing a nurturing and fun experience every month that rais-

es money for local non-profits and allows the participants to meet the leadership of those organizations,” Arrington says. “It was definitely uncomfortable to learn about Evanston’s shadow side and what we need to improve while in the Leadership Evanston Program. But no change happens when we are comfortable.” Arrington knows this first hand and now enjoys moving out of her own comfort zone. She and her two daughters began taking aerial arts classes at The Actors Gymnasium, a circus school in theater company in 2012. Now Board President of the Actors Gymnasium, she wishes the school had been operating back when she was in middle and high school. “I would’ve been stronger physically and mentally while having that ‘more compelling thing’ that would’ve blocked out a bunch of the behaviors that made me unwell,” she says. “Circus is so hard, but in the best way. It builds grit. We have to fail in front our peers and audiences many times. Every time I go to class, it’s a big slice of humble pie. It’s scary too. But I love doing something a little scary every day.” Raising kids can be that “something scary” too, Arrington says. “Before I got pregnant, I used to pray that I wouldn’t have girls. What did I get? Two girls. I didn’t want girls who may have to deal with the trauma that I went through. I now feel like having girls was a gift and the opportunity to elevate my game.” I’m so proud to see that my daughters (9 and 12) are more independent, confident, self-aware, responsible, and street smart than I was at 17. I know they will continue to fill their box with tools that will help them mitigate the challenges of being female.”

She can tailor her classes to meet everyone where they are, whether it’s a freshman undergrad, a Kellogg Executive MBA student, a 65 -year-old Evanstonian, a working mom, or one of her aphasia patients she teaches at Northwestern. “I make sure my students leave each class with an easy trick to calm them when they’re in a meeting, traffic jam, or trying to sleep. I bring lesser-known yogic practices to the forefront even if they aren’t mainstream or comfortable. Over time, I ease people into doing things they never thought they’d do. I love when students share how much they enjoyed chanting despite their initial apprehension. It’s also important to me that my students know how to use the lessons of yoga out in the world.” You can find Jenny at North Shore Yoga, Urban Yoga Chicago, Northwestern’s Sports Pavilion and at Kellogg School of Management. www.jennyarrington.com

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reventive lawyering is a concept that is rarely given much attention. It is a model of practicing law that focuses on preventive legal and conflict wellness; especially in the field of family law. Family law is generally viewed as a dispute, conflict and litigation practice. The parties’ emotions run high and lawyers want to “aggressively fight” for their client. Typically, a client will come to my office for a free initial consultation after a rift has occurred between their spouse and they are looking for information on the divorce process. This is the point where preventive lawyering is critical to my practice. As soon as a client enters my office the discussion revolves around a resolution of financial, emotional, and interpersonal relationships. It is my job as a lawyer to educate and counsel the client on existing conflicts before they spiral out of control. I also strive to manage the client’s expectations. This prevents unnecessary conflict which often leads to avoidable conflicts and in turn, high legal fees. To that end, it is my goal to recognize when a client may need outside assistance to avoid

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FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

PREVENTIVE LAWYERING P. Ann O’Connell Law, LTD

holding onto grudges that inevitably escalate into aggression and the desire for revenge. To prevent that outcome, families may need to become involved in parenting classes, anger management classes, financial planning and post-divorce support groups. Further, it is my role as a family law attorney to negotiate in good faith with the opposing counsel. Examples would be working out a property division or crafting a reasonable parenting plan. Good faith implies that both parties are not just looking out for themselves, but they are leaving selfish and spiteful tendencies at the door. Often in high conflict divorces, one spouse has to “win”. There is no “win” in divorce, no matter how property is divided or how well-crafted the parenting plan is. I have heard that lawyers must be a “bulldog” in the courtroom. Be wary of the attorney that advertises “they will aggressively protect your interest”. While aggressive buzzwords may attract clients, a family law practice that does not implement preventive lawyering leads to client satisfaction that is significantly lower. It is important to remember that when decisions are made by a judge, outcomes are rarely optimal for either party. The same is true for when emotions are high as conversations between lawyers are less like to be productive and the decisions made may not be in the best interest of the clients. All this leads to high attorneys’ fees and client dissatisfaction. Although my main goal is “success” for my client, a sole focus on that goal often leads to serious consequences for family relations, especially when it comes to children. For this reason, my family law practice seeks to prevent costly and high conflict litigation, create a divorce without blame, negotiate in good faith, and to cultivate an atmosphere of mutual respect

For more information on preventive lawyering and the Divorce process in the Chicagoland area, an initial consultation is your next best step. Get information and legal advice you are seeking by calling P. Ann O’Connell, located in Evanston, Illinois at 847-859-6222. EVANSTONWOMAN.COM

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

e sneaks back home well past curfew several nights a week, then refuses to go to school the next day. She hangs out with friends you never met before and to whom she refuses to introduce you. He spends afternoons and weekends laying in bed, with the door closed, angrily rejecting your inquiries. Her grades are slipping rapidly, her attitude harsh, her face sad and distant. You suspect substance use or are certain it is not just occasional experimentation. You know in your mind this is unusual or extreme behavior even for a teen, and especially for your teen. Maybe friends or family members have said something to you. You feel that your child is slipping away. Yet you know she is a good kid, has plenty of talent, a bright future ahead. If you can just get her past this hurdle. If you just had an idea of what was bothering her. It is difficult to admit that our child is struggling, that despite our best efforts, something is just not working. It can feel like we are failing as parents. We see other teens doing well and feel embarrassed or ashamed. It doesn’t seem like anyone else is facing the same dilemma. We might not see that other families are struggling.

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We fear that setting limits might exacerbate difficulties, causing the teen to lash out further, rupturing might exacerbate difficulties, causing the teen to lash out further, rupturing what remaining threads of a relationship are in place. We might miss that teens’ behavior communicates what they don’t have the words for or that they could be looking for us to set boundaries and limits. We are terrified that if we admit there’s trouble, the path to college will crumble. We feel queasy reaching out for help, unsure what it will be like, if it will be a black hole. Difficulty acknowledging that your teenager is in trouble is common. Feelings of disbelief, shame, fear and failure are the most important reasons experts cite for parents not seeking professional help. Yet, acknowledging that there is indeed trouble is a first, necessary step. Past this step lies the assistance you and your teen need to begin finding a path back to constructive engagement and academic stability. And there is a bright, silver lining beneath the dark clouds. Research and clinical experience clearly indicate that help during the teenage years magnifies the corrective impact. Numerous important developmental changes occur naturally during adolescence, and these coincide with a period of brain growth that is unparalleled at any other time of life except early childhood. Thus, seeking professional assistance for your troubled teen, even though it may go against the grain or challenge your sense of parenthood, is the most loving thing you can do. It is a gift that can keep on giving, well into your teen’s adulthood. If you think your teen is struggling, Yellowbrick can help. We offer free initial consultation on the telephone and, if needed, a range of expertise and services for your teen – and you. Please visit yellowbrickprogram.com (847) 869.1500 ext 233

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Its 68th Annual Revue

The Woman’s Club of E va n s ton Pr e se n t s

“Singin’ in the Game”

The Woman’s Club of Evanston (WCE) has been making audiences laugh for a good cause for more than 60 years at its annual Revue—an evening of musical comedy. The 68th edition, titled “Singin’ in the Game,” takes place in March and benefits Girls Play Sports (GPS). Members of WCE and the beneficiary write, direct, choreograph, dance, and sing in the Revue— which features parodies of popular and classic songs on variety of subject—and the music is played by a live band. This year’s show will include numbers about sports bras, political tweets, “Game of Thrones,” and moms on pot, to name a few.

more girls outside of Evanston,” Megan says. “The funds raised will support hundreds more girls in their journey with GPS to find sports they love and discover new confidence and pride in their potential.” About Girls Play Sports Girls Play Sports (GPS) is a non-profit organization dedicated to fostering leadership skills and confidence in girls grades 4-8 through participation in a wide variety of sports without a long-term or expensive commitment. The program also engages girls in meaningful conversations about current topics that affect young women today.

Tickets to the 2019 WCE Revue are available for $35 (earRevue performances will be held in the club’s historic ly-bird price) and $40 each at wce-singin-in-the-game. clubhouse ballroom on two consecutive weekends this eventbrite.com. year—on March 7, 8, 9, 14, 15 and 16—starting at 8 p.m. About The Woman’s Club of Evanston “As a longtime cast member, writer and director, I am The Woman’s Club of Evanston (WCE) is a diverse group thrilled to be overseeing this year’s show,” says Deborah of women dedicated to building community, friendship Cassell, 2019 WCE Revue producer. “And as someone and leaders. The WCE raises funds and contributes volunwho grew up playing tennis, volleyball, and basketball, I teer hours to help local charities. Each year, the club doam especially excited to be supporting Girls Play Sports, nates more than $150,000 and 15,000-plus volunteer hours which is instilling not just athletic skills but life skills in to local organizations. We encourage those in Evanston and beyond to join this passionate group of women with its participants.” a shared purpose. (Email us at membership@wcofe.org.) GPS also is close to the heart of its executive director, In addition, the historic WCE clubhouse is available for Megan Livatino, who founded the organization along private events. (Visit www.wcofe-events.com, or email at with her husband, ETHS Athletic Director Chris Liva- events@wcofe.org.) tino, in 2012. The WCE is located at 1702 Chicago Avenue in Evan“The Woman’s Club of Evanston’s support will help to ston. Metered street, lot and garage parking are conpropel our small grassroots organization to the next lev- veniently located within walking distance of the el of gifting mentorship and sports to younger girls and club. For more information about the WCE, visit wcofe.org or “LIKE” us on Facebook.com/WCofE). EVANSTONWOMAN.COM

EDITOR’S CORNER

s we travel into spring.. I am excited to grow the Wellness department by bringing forth more education to each of our readers that will lend itself to a healthier lifestyle. Please join me on Evanston Women’s Facebook as I begin my journey in becoming healthy. I welcome each of you to share your journey with us, as we are in it together.

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One of my goals this year is create a since of empowerment by working with women who own their space and exhume a level of confidence through work, service, or education. On page 5, please meet Jenny Arrington. When I first met Jenny, I thought I met the Snow Queen from The Nutcracker... but as reality sat in... I met an Evanstonian with a selfless heart who cares for others. Jenny is the type of person who leans into learning to enable herself to give more. Being a snow queen is the tip of the iceberg, as Jenny is paving the path to bring more people to understand themselves through yoga, health education, and providing everyone an opportunity of growth. Thank you Jenny for sharing your journey with our community of women. On page 11, “Singin’ in the Game” presented by the Women’s Club of Evanstion, benefiting Girls Play Sports invites each of you to come watch one of the great shows in March. You’re invited to support the Evanston Women’s Business Center on April 11th at the Community Shopping Event and Fashion Show at Ten Thousand Villages from 5pm - 8pm. Complimentary spirits, refreshments, and gift bags for the first 30 ladies!

Cheers! Linda del Bosque Editor in Chief IG: lindadelbosque

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