Horoscope

I Didn't See My Son’s Disability Until He Was 15. Now I Celebrate Knowing Who He Is.

My son Sebastian and I lived in the same house together for fifteen years. I gave birth to him. I changed his diapers and taught him to ride a bicycle.

I was a stay-at-home mom, and he was my only child. We spent hours together every day playing and doing crafts together. He painted the most extraordinary pictures even as a toddler. His existence filled my imagination from the moment that I looked at the faint blue positive mark on the pregnancy test.

But I didn’t truly know Sebastian until he was fifteen. I didn’t know him, because I didn’t see him.

Nobody saw him. Sebastian is the only person in the world known to see with words like a dolphin sees with sound. His blindness is an invisible disability. He has always slipped through our sighted world with what appeared to be the same ease as a spinner dolphin flying through the air.

Now Sebastian is 18, and every time he hugs me I can still feel the shell of his tiny newborn ear against my lips and his infant body in the nook of my shoulder where his chest meets mine. I always inhale, trying to recapture that baby smell and the tickle of almost invisible hair on my lips. His hair is now thick and smooth, not the dandelion fuzz of pale blond.

I cherished every sweet moment with him when he was small. Every hug, every smile, every game of hide and seek. I rocked him to sleep each night when he was little. We read aloud together until he was twelve. He still hates Les Miserables. Tolkein was more his thing, with the dragons, wizards and the magic ring that makes you invisible but also drains your soul.

He still hugs me every night before I go up to bed. Even after everything, especially after everything, Sebastian tells me that he loves me. Now taller than me, when his long arms reach around my shoulders and he leans in for the hug, I can still feel his little sneakers banging my hips and his little toddler arms hugging my neck. I smell the ghost of Cheerios -past every time.

In the car when we talk about the things we’ve been through together, about how I finally came to know him and see him, I reach my hand out to him. Sebastian’s cool, long-fingered artist’s hand lands in mine, squeezing. In his gentle adult grasp, I feel the ghostly hand of a child in mine, much smaller.

What magic ring did Sebastian have that cast its spell so thoroughly over him, that it silently saved him while killing his soul? Surely it was not the cloak of invisibility that he wore all through his childhood as he zoomed through my house waving his wand. He was Darry, King of the Fairies and Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts. He cast his charm all over so thoroughly that I didn’t see him. Nobody saw him.

I remember his eyes, so bright blue and filled with pain as we both sobbed on the kitchen floor. It was January of 2017 and we had just discovered that fifteen-year old Sebastian couldn’t recognize his own face and had taught himself to navigate our own home by counting his steps and turns. I had to tell him that he’d been born blind, not understanding how it was possible myself.

After I finally saw him and his invisible disability, I was crushed with guilt. How could I, as his loving mother, not see what was there before my eyes? Not seeing him kept me from giving the support he truly needed.

Yet with time, I came to realize that I had done nothing wrong. Like him, I did not know I was blind: blind to the side of him nobody could see. My intentions were always good and pure. They were rooted in love and tenderness and a desire to be the best mother I could be.

That’s what we all want, as mothers. But sometimes, life creates blind spots. When we come to recognize them, we must accept and learn from them.

Now I am privileged to see the man who walks through this world with dignity and grace. His dry, laconic humor cracks me up, and his striking art inspires me. With his help and support, I am fighting to end the discrimination against the millions of people who have cerebral/cortical visual impairment. CVI was identified as the number one cause of visual impairment in the developed world more than ten years ago and still doesn’t have a diagnostic code.

And I celebrate seeing him for the wonderful man he is, every day. Stephanie Duesing is the author of Eyeless Mind: A Memoir About Seeing and Being Seen, a true story about the discovery of her son Sebastian’s almost total blindness at the age of fifteen. Stephanie is devoted to raising awareness of Cerebral/Cortical-Visual Impairment (CVI) and advocating for patients with this prevalent but largely unacknowledged cause of visual impairment. A music educator, Stephanie has taught elementary and middle school music and chorus, as well as private voice and piano. She also opened her own Musikgarten studio, where she taught classes for families with babies, toddlers and preschoolers. She’s a graduate of University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and lives in the western suburbs of Chicago. By Stephanie Duesing “I remember his eyes, so bright blue and filled with pain as we both sobbed on the kitchen floor. It was

January of 2017 and we had just discovered that fifteen-year old Sebastian couldn’t recognize his own face and had taught himself to navigate our own home by counting his steps and turns.”

June Horoscope

Gemini (May 21 –June 20)

Happy birthday, Gemini! Venus turns to direct in your sign, asking you to keep commitments you made to yourself the past two months regarding relationships. Stay true to the values your intuition revealed in meditation. Keep observing your connection with others to see your principles in action (or how you fall short of them). Also keep to a budget that allows for small splurges but adheres to essential payments, since Venus is also about money. Sticking to your truth in all areas draws positive romance and work options, plus keeps your self-esteem high!

Cancer (June 21 –July 22)

Mercury retrogrades in your sign, helping you develop more self-esteem. Write a list of your positive qualities and meditate about those gifts! Create affirmations about them and repeat them often, both aloud and in your mind. Relationship issues will begin to heal. You’ll even have insights into personal longstanding issues. On the financial front, money that you’ve forgotten about or that you didn’t expect to receive can come to you!

Leo (July 23 –Aug. 22)

Revitalize your body by releasing tension in your subconscious! As Mercury retrogrades this month, in meditation become aware that your body is letting go of builtup stressors with each quiet exhale. As your mind and body become unburdened, amazing intuitions that solve major issues will come to you! Areas of healing can include challenges in friendships, problems expressing intimacy and sexuality, struggles with self-compassion, and food addictions.

Virgo (Aug. 23 –Sept. 22)

Mercury is turning retrograde which can cause misunderstandings. This is true especially in your marriage or partnership. Instead of immediately confronting, pause for meditation. Reflecting reveals potential misinterpretations. It also shows how you may have not clearly expressed your needs and/or boundaries — and how you can do that going forward. Workwise, you can get a delayed promotion or bonus. Soak it in because you deserve it!

Libra (Sept. 23 –Oct. 22)

If you’re frustrated or confused about work stuff, try not to make decisions as Mercury is retrograde this month and next. Instead, use meditation to ponder your needs and values in the job arena. Your inner commitment can draw solutions and options better than actively searching for answers at this time. Late July is better for making moves or implementing changes. Health-wise, think about letting go of foods that drain your vitality (sugar? wheat?). Experiment with eliminating foods and observe energy levels. In relationships, gently but firmly hold to your boundaries without apologizing for having them!

Scorpio (Oct. 23 –Nov. 21)

As Mercury retrogrades, see if your spiritual practice still nourishes you. Perhaps you just need to return to a mediation or yoga practice that worked in the past. Or you might need a brand new approach, and this can be a time of experimentation. Even keeping things very simple and “merely” breathing, with a deep exhale and a passive inhale would work wonders. Using affirmations brings breakthroughs. In relationships, trust yourself if things feel weird. Built-up misunderstandings about expectations likely need to be cleared to let love flow again!

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 –Dec. 21)

Mercury goes retrograde, helping deepen connections with loved ones, and also get clear about finances. You can easily manifest money now, so try prosperity meditations! Venus moves forward and illuminates your values as not just “whims” when it comes to both relationships and spending. Sagittarius people love to be busy, but be sure to have a quiet space in your home for reflection, yoga, or meditation. Your sacred space will help you stay centered and focused and keep you efficient.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 –Jan. 19)

Staying physically healthy is vital to a positive mood! Keep commitments to yourself regarding nutrition, exercise, meditation and rest. Beware of shaming yourself for falling away from good habits. Treat yourself with compassion and get back to what supports you! Relationships can feel stressful because Mercury retrograde brings miscommunication. Pause before reacting, since issues can arise from tiny misperceptions rather than big problems. Clarity can come from a mere few deep breaths!

Aquarius (Jan. 20 –Feb. 18)

Meditate on how your beliefs empower or disempower you. Do your thoughts create tension mentally or physically? Get “back to basics” with affirmations that excite you about who you are at your core and what you choose to manifest in your life! Also, a budding relationship can flower in an amazing way this month. If partnered, there can be a renewal that restores passion and fun!

Pisces (Feb. 19 –March 20)

Neptune is your ruling planet, and it turns retrograde this month. It gives you time to examine your boundaries. Meditate and make sure you’re clear about your needs and that

you’re being true to yourself in all sorts of relationships. Reconnect with what is most important to you, with what brings you the most peace and joy. Connect daily with friends who support this side of you to keep your inspiration alive. Run challenging conversations by them, so you can be poised when interacting with the person with whom you have issues.

Aries (March 21 –April 19)

Meditate on how big your “mind space” is when it comes to work success and financial abundance. It might be time to build a “larger room.” Really feel what it’s like to live in that happy alternate reality, and those feelings can attract that new potential to you! Ponder the limited messages regarding work and money you inherited from your family and how you can eradicate them. Pay attention to dreams, since they can hold clues as to how to move through challenges with ease.

Taurus (April 20 –May 20)

Venus is the planet of money, and as it moves forward this month, you’ll have a better flow of finances! Since that’s in late June, use most of the month to meditate on feeling spiritually centered and safe. When you’re balanced inside, there’s less tendency to overspend. Feeling your internal and intrinsic worth is essential for Taurus. When you come from that space, relationships are healthy, your self-care is strong, and you’ll feel joy and self-love welling up within you!

Aluna Michaels

is a secondgeneration astrologer. She also holds a Masters in Spiritual Counseling and has been teaching and consulting for more than three decades. Her book, Spiritual Gifts of the 12 Astrological Signs, is now on Amazon in Kindle version and as an ebook on her website. Aluna is available for appointments in her home, by phone or Skype. Call or text (248) 583-1663 or visit