"Shut your eyes, Maglakbay sa panaginip." by Ewak Hernandez

“Shut your eyes.. Maglakbay sa panaginip”

CONTENTS

Illustration by Joao Tumao 3

illustration by Ewak Hernandez

BIPOLAR by Gem Muzones

Lost in the corners of 8th avenue Turn left to see the sunshine bloom Turn right to face the night light gloom Long gone the days of serenity The giant of the cold hill awaits me And here I am, drowning in uncertainty The ghost pulls me back and forth I find myself falling into the forgotten land As I hold on to the tail of a vanishing reality 5

illustration by Isha Roman

illustration by Joao Tumao 8

Death Drive

Deathrow of Hearts Jed Belen

bleeds endlessly

he made up his mind and says “i will

“i will love you from afar” he meant it more than words can say he can’t win her he can’t kill her

love you from afar”

he meant it more that words could say

he can’t hurt her he can’t touch her

say goodbye dig him a shallow grave pray for him tonight he spends the rest of his life

she does not deserve him he was hell he gave her 3 shots in the head stabbed her

gentle heart

clouded by remorse hiding in these shadows where

darkness is a comfort

where pain can feast on his immortal heart

marinated in his own blood he weeps silently and says

that is what he deserves

illustration by Isha Roman

illustration by Ewak Hernandez 11

illustration by Isha Roman

illustration by Isha Roman 17

illustration by Joao Tumao 19

KillerattheDriveIn Jed Belen

He trembles he falls under her mercy Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just who she is nothing more beyond that hollow exterior she kills him again and again heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s too dazed to even feel its his time to kill a shot fired she starts to feel cold colder than these eyes eyes that speak of it all eyes that see the silence of a nuclear bomb about to kick in fast she falls she falls at least he hopes so for now.

ni Direk Bianx

Ilang oras ng naghihintay, sa munting bangkong inuupuaan. Madami ng nasaksihan, sa pagpasok ng mga tao. May tumatakbo,nagtatawanan, at ang ilan ay mag-isang naglalakad. Pumapasok’t labas, umuupo’t tumatayo, ngunit ako’y nandito parin habang naghihintay sa iyo. Pinagmamasdan ko ang mga kotse, mula sa aking kinalalagyan. Inaasahan kong ikaw na ang masisilayan. Ilang oras pa ako maghihintay? ako ba’y mabibigo sa aking paghihintay? Kaya ito nalang ang pakatatandaan mo, Darating ang panahon na magkikita muli tayo. - The End -

illustration by Isha Roman

The Manipulative Midget The midget in my chest keeps jumping and teasing With all his might he tries to break it open for the lightning Don’t pull back, he shouts in complete disarray ‘You might regret it come one morning, I say’ To fall asleep in the tender breath of the moonlight Dropping endlessly to the pit of your heaven’s light Should i dare to fall or grab on to oh dear life? Oh God! Help me, my mouth has failed to bite This world I once cursed before i existed Now I’m back, all ready to explore and be haunted Let’s just hope this time around I won’t fail to find my place The midget has made me his new puppet in a maze -Gem Muzones

illustration by Isha Roman

Again by Sarita de Guzman Another ordinary day has passed, laborious tasks given, arduous lessons to be learned and amidst the hustle and bustle of the crowd, I sat there as hours had gone, my back crouched, aching against the cold metal chair. My cropped hair sticking at the back of my neck as beads of sweat trickled from my forehead down to the rest of my exhausted body. Eyes and head hurting, as books started to pile up my table. My palms sweating, hurriedly writing notes in an attempt to meet deadlines. Papers, pens and notebooks scattered everywhere, reminding me to at least fix my things before going home to unwind. But then again, maybe I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even have the time to unwind after all. At last, for what seemed like an eternity, I put my pen down and carefully scanned my work. Satisfied and proud enough, I stretched my tired and sweating body, jokingly praying for a miracle to help me with my ordeals. And at that fleeting moment, as if God has answered my prayer. I saw it. I saw everything. My miracle. My answer. I saw you. You were there again, on your usual spot. Your obsidian eyes gazing up at the crimson sunset, your short hair softly caressed by the wind, blowing your fresh, cool scent towards me. Your gorgeous physique leaning at the wall nonchalantly. I sat there transfixed, amazed, by how you could make me feel happiness, anger, desperation, passion, devotion, insecurity, loneliness and even that tingling sensation at the pit of my stomach all at one single moment, by just looking at you. Yet you stood there, coolly, unaffected, unaware. Unaware of an existence of a silly little girl, dreaming. Dreaming, on what it feels like on you looking at me, acknowledging me, or your soft touch against my calloused hands, or even if impossible, you loving me back. And then, as if by instinct, you sensed my eyes on you, you lowered your gaze and looked straight at me and smiled, your perfectly charming smile. My heart melted at that precise moment, fighting the urge to blush as you effortlessly started walking towards my direction. But no, it must be at the girl at my back, thinking, as I lowered my head to hide the pain in my eyes. I started to pack my things, but stopped short as a shadow blocked my desk. Startled, I looked up, shocked, as I saw you there standing in front of me, still smiling. I opened my 26

mouth to speak, but nothing came out, it seems that I was in a loss for words, for I could still hear my heart pounding in my ears. I felt my cheeks heat up, I knew I looked stupid. I tensed, thinking of the words, trying to break the awkward silence enveloping us, but you beat me to it. “Hi, I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” You said, your beautiful voice lingering in my ears. While I sat there flabbergasted, recalling every word you uttered to make sure that I heard it correctly. “R-really? But how? I mean I-I n-never thought you knew me.” I stammered surprised by the bluntness of my words. “Well I never really knew you, but I just can’t stop noticing you, You’re cute.” Blushing madly, I muttered “Um t-thank you.” I smiled. “Especially when you smile.” “So do you mind telling me your name?” you interrupted before my face could go on a darker shade. “Oh, um s-sure I’m…” “Excuse me miss are you alright?” “Huh?” I asked, half dazed, half shocked. “You dropped your book” you said indifferently. “Oh, thanks” I said, as you made your way towards your friends, not even bothering to listen to what I said. I picked up the book that was sprawled open on the floor. “Hmm” I sighed, smiling sadly. “Must be my imagination, again.”

illustration by Ewak Hernandez 28

Nighttime madness Gem Muzones

I was walking Down the deserted path With the three dimensional sphere Shining so bright Dazzling my blinded sight Tiny dots glitter in the dark Like the dew Visible in my face Twinkling the sorrow I felt With forever gone My solitary existence shone Brightly until it faded slowly

illustration by Isha Roman 30

Tin Hernandez

Ako si Lex, May bestfriend ako. Katulad ko siya, tamad, gala, chaka, Hindi pala-kausap sa iba. Ewn ba kung bakit naging kaibigan ko siya. Matagal na rin kaming nagsasama, 19-taon na rin. Sa 19 na taon na yon, hindi lilipas ang araw na di kmi nagkikita. Pano kasi, pareho kaming tinataboy sa pamilya. May magagawa pa nga ba kami kundi magsama. Madalang kami mag-away ni Jude. Hindi kasi ako nag co-comment sa tuwing nag-iinarte siya sakin eh. Tahimik lang, taimtim akong nakikinig. Pero ako lagi ang inaasahan non, lalo na kung may gusto siyang chiks na pormahan. Tinutulungan ko mag-ayos yun. Mahilig ko nga yun biruin. “Gwapo tayo pare,tayo hahabulin”. Eto ako. May ka-hambugang taglay! Naalala ko tuloy nang sabay kaming ma-inlab... Cindy. Ang babaeng mala dyosa sa kagandahan. Taglay niya ang aurang, hindi karaniwan. Classmate namin siya ni Jude sa English non. Tinuturuan nga niya kami dahil bopol kami sa lingwaheng ingles. Dun nahulog ang luob ko kay Cindy. Sagad kasi sa buto ang kabaitan. Eto si Jude, aba! May tayp din pala sa klase. Pangalan ay Sin. Sabay naming niligawan sina Cindy at Sin. Sabay din naman kaming sinagot. Ngunit lumipas na ang dalawang taon ng pagsasama namin, nag-aral sa La Salle sina Cindy at Sin nang tumungtong sa kolehiyo. Pawang mag-bespren din tulad namin ni Jude ang turingan nong dalawang ‘yon. Sabay silang nakahanap ng lalaking ipapalit sa ka-pogian namin ni Jude. Labis kaming nagdamdam. Lalo si Jude. Hindi maka”move-on”. Tinamaan eh. Hindi madaling tanggapin sa sarili ko na nagkaroon na ng iba si Cindy, pero nakaya ko.. Pero si Jude.. Halos ikamatay ang pagkawala ni Sin. Minsan nalang kami magkita dahil ayaw niya, gustong mapag-isa ang drama niya. Sinakyan ko. Pero nagulat ako nang di na pumapasok si Jude. Hinahanap ko siya. Nawawala.. Nagulat ako sa balitang nag-bigti si Jude.. Sa madilim niyang kwarto,sa loob ng banyo, sa tapat ng salamin,tila hindi Makita ang repleksyong ni Jude sa salamin sapagkat binalot ng dilim. nagiwan si Jude ng notang: “Sa pagtahak ko ng sirang daan patungo kay Sin,nahanap ko ang dilim. Ikaw kaibigang Alex ay nandito, pero sa dilim, hindi ako nakita..hindi napigilan.. Sa pagbukas ng liwang Lex, makikita moko. Patiwarik na nagsusumamo.. Paalam Lex, aking matalik na kaibigan. Ngayon ako’y lumisan na, mabubura ka na rin..” Nagmamahal.. Jude Alexis M. Rama Born:Aug.26, 1889 Died: Nov. 6. 2008

1212

DJ Faner

Take away all these inhibitions Roll up your sleeves and rest your head Scream in ecstasy as your tongue Play with these knives of desire I fell to my knees with sheer pleasure As you run your fingertips on my forehead Your skin is poisonous yet I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stop caressing it I tasted blood when I kissed your lips Heaven fell on the ground when you met my gaze Voices start to wander in the corner As you whispered the word of death 32

illustration by Joao Tumao

illustration by Isha Roman

Restless

Gem Muzones

I search for your face amidst the crowd Caught in a distant memory of yesterday I hold on to the picture of your smile In the corners of my lost mind I try to reach for your cold hands in the darkness Let’s escape to our own world of eternal serenity Blinded by the light, I lost you Don’t let go, hold tight, you’re safe The silence of the night deafens the music of your voice Oh how I want to see you face to face! We will float on to the depths of the dim frozen waters Make me a time machine, back to yesterday Bring me to the moment, the moment that was ours No words need to be spoken, oh how our silence created bliss I’m addicted, I’m addicted to the drug that is you The sensation of your coldness Brings me warmth, I’m burning Your sweet scent of nothing, keeps me alive You’re so unkind, there’s no one to blame but you Oh how I can’t wait to see you once again Let’s keep this our little secret For they are foolish people Come to me and I shall love you dear

illustration by Joao Tumao 37

Nakangiti sya “Hindi ako kumakain ng gulay. Vegetarian ako.” Dinura ni Mellow ang isang subong kumpitis sa plato. “Bakit kasi hindi mo sinabi agad na gulay pala ito!” Dugtong nya. “Eh, hindi ko rin naman inaasahan na darating ka. Kasal mo ngayon diba?” Sagot ni Jihan na kanina pa nagtataka kung saan nanggagaling ang matamis na amoy na bumalot sa kanyang hardin. Dalawang linggo na ang nakalipas mula nang padalhan ni Mellow ng isang mensahe tangay ng hangin si Jihan. sambit dito ang mga katagang: “Oi punta ka sa Myerkules dalawang linggo mula ngayon. May kasalan.” Tinandaan ni Jihan ang mensahe. “Paano mo nalamang kasal ko ngayon?” Dinukot ni Mellow ang isang plastik ng Doris sa kanyang backpack. Paborito nya ito mula pa nuong mga bata sila. “Myerkules. sabi ng hangin Myerkules.” Hindi Tumatayo si Jihan sa bangkong kanyang kinauupuan subalit patuloy ang kanyang ilong sa paghahanap kung saan nanggagaling ang matamis na amoy. “Tsong Martes lang ngayon.” Sabi ni Mellow. “Naka wedding gown ka kaya.” Pumaling sya sa kanan Matagal na katahimikan. Tumayo si Jihan at binuksan ang pintuang screen upang pumasok sa loob ng bahay nya. Lumagabog ito pag sara. Kumalog ang isang picture frame na nakasabit sa ibabaw ng pintuan. Napansin ito ni Mellow. “Oy, Naitago mo pa pala ‘to?” “Alin?” Pasigaw na sagot ni Jihan habang Nagsasalin ng salabat sa tatlong baso. 40

“Yung picture nating dalawa nung highschool graduation.” “Ah, oo. Bakit, yung kopya mo nasan na?” Hindi sumagot si Mellow. Tinulak ni Jihan ng balikat ang pinto para lumabas. Bitbit nya ang isang tray na may nakapatong na tatlong baso ng umuusok na salabat. “’Di ka na sumagot. Sabi ko nasan na yung kopya mo.” Umupo si Mellow sa sahig. Sa paanan ng isang puno ng kaimito. Wala paring kibo. “Hindi mo na alam kung nasaan noh?” Nilapag ni Jihan ang tray sa sahig sa harap ni Mellow. Sabay umupo rin sya sa harap nito.

Umungol sya “Bakit tatlo ‘yang baso? Eh dalawa lang tayo dito?” Malayo ang tanaw ni Mellow. “Kay Jared yan. Hindi ba sya dadaan dito? Hindi ka ba nya susunduin?” Buntong hininga. “Ayoko nito Jihan. Ayoko sana nito.” Buntong hinga ulit. Walong taon na nang unang ipakilala ni Mellow si Jared kay Jihan. Mabigat. Pero kailangan. Hindi na umuubra ang mga bagay sa pagitan ni Mellow at Jihan. Dumating pa si Jared. Lalong nagkaron ng maraming komplikasyon. Sa kabila ng lahat, Buo parin ang puso ni Jihan. Para kay Mellow. Kay Mellow lang. Tinawag nya ang isang pangalan “Hindi mo naman sinagot yung tanong ko Mellow eh.” “Teka, ano ba’to?” “Salabat” “Ay, Vegetarian ako eh.” “Galing sa luya yan. Gulay.” “Hindi ako kumakain ng gulay. Vegetarian ako. Simula pa nung.. nung huli tayong magkita” 41

“Simula pa nung isang taon?” Pagtataka ni Jihan. “Ganon na ba katagal? parang kailan lang.” Sagot ni Mellow. Patindi ng patindi ang matamis na amoy. “Tsong hindi dadating si Jared. Hindi nya ko susunduin.” Tumayo si Mellow. Nag-unat. Nanatiling nakaupo si Jihan. “Ang ganda ng gown mo. Anong material yan?” “Retaso dude. saka ano.. Dyaryo. Nilagayan ata ni Waggy ‘to ng.. ah oo nga. nilagyan nya ‘to sa laylayan ng pink na ribbon.. kaso, nawawala ata. sumabit siguro sa jeep kanina.” Nakatitig si Jihan kay Mellow. Walang kurap. Namamangha. Kung papaanong ang isang bagong kasal na babae ay nakukuhang maggala at umasal ng ganito.. Pero. gusto nya ito. Gusto nyang nandito si Mellow. Wala syang ibang gusto kundi ang makasama ito. Nakatingala sya. Walang kibo. Pinagmamasdan ang walang kupas na kagandahan. “Kasal na ako Jihan. Sa isang hindi ko inaasahan. Sa isang akala ko’y hindi ako ipaglalaban.. Wala si Jared. Hindi sumipot.. At saka, wala namang barong yon..” Nadurog ang puso ni Jihan. “Kinasal ako sa ibang lalaki. Vegetarian din sya kaya ko sya pinakasalan. “ May pumatak na luha Humigop si Jihan ng salabat. Upang magkunwaring dahil sa init at paso ang pagluluha. Tahimik. Kapwa nakatingin sila sa malayo. “Mellow.. Hindi mo man lang ba ako naisip?” “Kailan?” “Bago ka magpakasal dun sa kung sino man.. Saka pagkatapos nyong maghiwalay ni Jared.” Hindi parin sila tumitingin sa isa’t isa. “Aah.. Hindi ko nga alam kung nasan na si Jared. Basta Sabi nya, pupunta lang daw sya sa CR. Tapos nawala na..” 42

Umupo ulit si Mellow sa Tabi ni Jihan. Pero hindi parin sila nagtitinginan. “Hinanap mo ba sya?” “Si Jared? Hindi.. Kahit naman nung una hindi ko sya hinanap. Kusang dinala ng hangin sakin.. Kahit minsan, ayoko nang saluhin, Wala akong magawa kundi sumabay sa ihip..” Humigop ulit si Jihan ng salabat. Tumayo si Jihan. Lumapit sa pintuan upang abutin ang picture frame. Tinitigan nya ito upang alalahanin ang mga magagandang pangyayaring dumaan sa kanila ni Mellow. Subalit habang tinititigan nya ito at binabagtas ng mga mata nya ang larawan ay tila napupuno ito ng makapal na usok. Puti. Unti-unting lumalabo ang imaheng matagal nang nakalimbag sa papel... Sinubukang tanggalin ni Jihan ang usok. Hinipan nya. Pinunasan.. Walang epekto.. Di nagtagal ay nabura na ang larawan.. Hindi nya maintindihan ang nangyayari. Lumingon sya kay Mellow... Nakatingin ito ng deretso sa kanya. Nakangiti. Nakangiti habang dahan-dahang lumalabo ang kanyang mukha... “Mellow, wag ka nang umalis ulit..” Nakangiti parin ito.. umiiyak si Jihan.. Nabubura ang mukha ni Mellow.. Dahandahan.. “Hindi naman kita iniwan Jihan.. Aalis lang ako sandali.. sandali lang..” Nakangiti.. “Wag na Mellow.. nakikiusap ako.. wag na..” Matapang na matapang na ang matamis na amoy..

Tumihaya sya Wala na ang mga mata ni Mellow, pati ang ilong at tainga.. Blanko. Puti. Dinampot nya ang isang baso ng salabat. at sa mga labi nyang mapuputi ay walang pakundangan nya itong ininom at inubos. “Vegetarian ka kamo ah? Gulay yan.. Bakit mo ininom? Nagulat si Jihan. 43

“Mahirap para sakin itong ginawa ko. Nadaganan ako ng sangkatutak na pagbabago mula nung hindi tayo magkita. Ipinalit ko sakin ang hindi naman dapat. Para lang maging bagay sa lahat. Hindi kita ini...” May kalog na naramdaman si Jihan.. “..Wan Jihan.. Nandito lang ako sa tabi mo. Pero hindi mo ako nakikita. Dahil.. dahil hindi ako nagpapakita..” Kumalog ulit. Gamit ang kanang kamay ay dinampot ulit ni Mellow ang basong dapat sana ay kay Jared.. “Wala si Jared. Inumin ko na ‘to ha.” Inubos ulit ni Mellow ang salabat. “Shet. Carnivorous na ko. ughh.” Walang humpay ang pagiyak ni Jihan. Hindi alam ang gagawin kung iiwan ulit sya ni Mellow.. “O pano.. Una na muna ako sayo ha.. hanggang sa susunod nalang..” Tuluyan nang nawala ang mukha ni Mellow subalit umamalingawngaw ang tinig nya. Nangingibabaw parin ang matamis na amoy. “Masaya ako nakita kita Mellow. Sa susunod ulit.. Ingat ka ha.” Tumalikod na si Jihan at pumasok sa bahay.. Subalit sumusunod parin sa kanya ang matamis na amoy. Nakikita nya si Mellow sa gilid ng kanyang mata, at nakita nyang tumalikod narin ito upang sumakay ng jeep. Wala na si Mellow. Walang nakakaalam kung saan sya makikita. Kung kailan ulit sya dadating. Sa isa pang pagkakataon, nabiyak ang puso ni Jihan.

Nagising sya Napabalikwas si Jihan sa higaan. Pawis na pawis. Halatang mabilis ang tibok ng kanyang puso. Deretso ang tingin.. Hindi Kumukurap. Hindi makapaniwalang 44

Anim na taon na mula nang makita nyang naka wedding gown si Mellow at nakaharap sa Altar. Habang sugatan ang puso nyang nakatanaw sa likod ng simbahan.. Nagbuntong hininga sya. Napayuko. Naamoy nya ang matamis na halamuyak na nasa ere ng silid. Tumingala sa kisame. Tumingin sa orasan.. Alasdos ng madaling araw. Maaga pa. Humiga ulit. Nakatitig sa kisame. Habang lumilipad ang isip sa kawalan ay dinalaw ulit sya ng magkakahalong ala-ala. mga ala-alang nagpabago sa buhay nya. Pumaling sya sa kaliwa. Tinitigan ang babaeng natutulog sa tabi nya. Inamoy ang matamis na halimuyak ng kanyang kabiyak. Napangiti. at nagtaka. Nagtataka ngunit natutuwa. Kung papanong ipinagpalit ni Mellow ang lahat.. Ang lahat lahat.. Maging ang sariling kasal, para lang makasama sya.

wakas

illustration by Ewak Hernandez

Beatrice Puertollanoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

Oblivious

Daughter of the golden moon Lover of the silver sun born unto the summer sky sister of the fiery stars the planets lined up they had to see as she gracefully arrives heaven has fallen yet she remains unaware

illustration by Ewak Hernandez 50

Mnemosyne

by Sarita de Guzman

The days of the month had ended. The scorching heat now replaced by the pitter patter of raindrops. Yet, it is still mundane as I continue to get lost in a memory that traps me in a melancholic reverie. Vivid just like it was yesterday. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been hours, yet not one beep had been heard from my phone. I waited patiently, not a single complaint uttered. The crowd busy in their affairs, slowly dissipating as tasks gets done. It was four oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;clock when things started to get in shape. Not one detail was of anything that I planned it to be, but it was one of those few events that would have me smiling at the end of the day. We sat there, unhurriedly taking a sip of our coffee, oblivious to the irritating blabbers of the old ladies a table away from us. Tummies ached as we shared doses of laughter. Palm against palm, the corners of my lips slowly twitching into a smile as our simple chit chat becomes more momentous. All adversities lay in the back of our minds for the time being. The nearby signs have already been lit up, emblazoned in striking letters and the dried coffee stains on the crumpled tissue, both telling that time had finally caught with us. We were already stifling our yawns, yet I was still reluctant to take a cab, hiding my urgent need to get home. Unspoken questions hung in my head, afraid of ruining the moment, for this is the first and may also be the last. I open my eyes as I slowly drift to reality, still pondering if all that would ever happen again. It was not much nor was it even the greatest thought to ever grace me. Yet, it was enough to brighten up my mood on a stormy day. A time when I had heaven in my hands. With everything that has happened, I know that moment will never come my way again and will only remain as a memory. But forever, it will be etched within and no one will ever be able to take it away from me.

illustration by Joao Tumao 52

Photo by Isha Roman

illustration by Isha Roman

Silent reverie Jumping to the endless pit of doom

Darkness starts to loom Shadows in my room Shine and

sparkle in the gloom

As they dance and sway like

ballerinas

With the wind laughing like hyenas “How

dare you awaken me from my blessed oblivion?” “Hush, hush” says the

silent dream,

“Open your eyes to the enchanted, the

kaleidoscope world of butterflies.” -Zipporah Antonio

illustration by Isha Roman 58

illustration by Isha Roman

Rebirth of the unborn

Beatrice Puertollano

let

darkness fall.. let fear take over..

she is yet to come.. she listens to each lament and keeps it in her

heart, fragile but strong.. trying not to fall apart.

martyrs

she is neither the queen of the nor the savior of the damned, she only wants to shed some light. one could only wish, for she will deliberately hear.. but she is not

the one to fulfill.

illustration by Isha Roman

illustration by Ewak Hernandez

illustration by Richard Delo Santos 69

illustration by TeeJay Villahermosa

illustration from Deviantart.com

illustration by Ewak Hernandez 74

illustration by Ewak Hernandez

illustration from Deviantart.com 79