KATE MAKES IT GREAT CREATING A POSITIVE APPROACH TO TOILETING WHEN THERE ARE SPECIAL NEEDS

Kate Makes it Great!

PARENTAL SUPPORT Creating a Positive Approach To Toileting When There Are Special Needs

By Kate C. Wilde

HAPPY JULY, EVERYONE! I AM SO HAPPY TO BE BACK WRITING TO EACH OF YOU AND ANSWERING YOUR QUESTIONS! THIS ISSUE’S ARTICLE IS DEDICATED TO ALL THINGS POOP! YES, YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY! POOP! I’M NOT SURE WHY IT IS ALSO CALLED “NUMBER TWO,” BECAUSE WHEN THERE IS AN ISSUE WITH IT, IT SURE CAN TAKE CENTER STAGE! OUR CHILDREN CAN OFTEN EXPERIENCE CONSTIPATION AND/OR DIARRHEA, MAKING POOPING AN UNCOMFORTABLE, CHALLENGING EXPERIENCE.

Pooping is an intense sensory experience for all of us, but it is so much more so for our loved ones on the spectrum due to their super-sensitive sensory system. This can make all the toileting hygiene tasks around pooping extra challenging. Taking this understanding on board will help us take a compassionate and more successful approach to helping our children not only poop with ease but actually do it in the toilet.

The first place to help with this would be to adopt a “Poop is Wonderful” mindset. Why? Because: 1. Poop is wonderful in all its smelly, solid, or not-so-solid forms 2. It will change the way your child or adult relates to and interacts with their poop—and change how we educate them to interact and relate to their poop

Poop is something to be whole-heartedly welcomed with joy. Joy, as in keeping a sincere smile on your face instead of the customary crinkled nose, down-turned lips of displeasure, and “yuckiness.” That “I smell poop” face has been passed down from generation to generation. But why? All of you have most likely experienced the discomfort of constipation at some point in your life, and then, after a few days of not being able to poop, the most glorious, superb moment of relief when you manage it. You know what I am talking about. Didn’t you secretly want to go out and tell someone of your amazing feat and celebrate? That is the kind of mindset we want: that poop is a cause for celebration. We want our child or adult’s poop to see the light of day because if it doesn’t, we have a far bigger problem than just cleaning it up.

Let’s break the cycle of passing on shame or “yuckiness” around pooping to our children, no matter their age. If we decide to truly like, embrace, and even enjoy the fact that poop is out of the body rather than stuck inside, our children or adults will be less likely to: • Withhold it • Want to sneak off and poop in the corner of the house where no one is • Be controlling around it • Move away from learning to poop in the toilet • Move away from hygienically wiping themselves afterward • Feel judged for a perfectly wonderful and healthy bodily function

With that in mind, I will share a couple of great questions that were sent to me about pooping.

Priti from California asks, “I have a question. Barry goes to the bathroom and lately tries to clean his butt with his hands and then cleans his hands either on his shirt or in the toilet bowl water. He never did this before. I am sure he is trying to be independent in wiping, but does not use the toilet paper. I can take a lot in, but I just have difficulty dealing with poop all over his shirt. It’s too much for me to take. Please help!”

Thank you so much for your question! I love the thought you have about him wanting to be independent—it is quite insightful. With that in mind, I suggest you have a chat with him and celebrate his efforts; congratulate him for wanting to clean himself. It is a very good sign that he is attempting to do so. Seeing it as a milestone towards poop independence that is also clean may help you view it differently and “not too much for you,” as you shared in your question. Below are some practical suggestions to help him: • Get some extra fun toilet paper. There are novelty toilet rolls you can get. I gifted my dad with a crossword toilet roll one Christmas, and he loved it. Do an internet search—you can get toilet paper with jokes on it, Disney characters, and more. Find one you think Barry would find interesting. This may help him not forget the toilet paper part of wiping. • Around the time you know your son usually poops, fill up the sinks in your bathroom with soapy, bubbly water. While demonstrating the process, tell him that if he gets poop on his hands to wash them thoroughly in the bubbly water instead of the toilet. • You can model good handwashing practice by washing your own hands in a fun way when you have just used the bathroom.

• If you happen to see him go into the bathroom, remind him to wipe and wash as he is going in. • If he starts to clean his hands in the sink, even if he does not get it all off, celebrate him in a fun way. • Once he starts cleaning his hands in the sink, get a special hand towel featuring pictures of something he likes.

For example, if he likes sharks, get one with shark images. If he likes numbers, get one with numbers on it.

Introduce him to wiping his hands on the towel after he has cleaned his hands in the sink. • Don’t get too caught up in which order he attempts these steps. Focus on celebrating any effort toward any step.

Let me know how it goes, Priti!

Tony from the United Kingdom writes, “My daughter seems to be in distress when she needs to poop—she becomes agitated and paces a lot, then goes off by herself to poop alone somewhere in the house that is not the toilet. She will often squat to poop. She does pee in the toilet and does not wear nappies, but no matter how fun I have made the toilet, she just will not sit on it to poop. How do I help her?

This is much more common than you might think. I have worked with many children who do this. Although I do not know your daughter specifically, here are the top three things I would try: 1. Ask your doctor to test her for allergies. Her pacing and agitation could mean she has some gut issues that make pooping quite uncomfortable. If she is already a picky eater, this would be more likely for her. Helping her with any gut issues may ease her pooping discomfort considerably. 2. I love that you are trying to make the toilet more fun.

This is great and really works for a lot of children, but not all. Pooping can be a big sensory experience, so adding our loud enthusiasm on top may be too much.

She may want to be left alone to poop in private, and the only way to achieve that is to go off by herself to a room you are not in. I worked with a lovely girl who was clearly holding her poop and not responding to my lively, enthusiastic attempts at making the toilet fun. Seeing this, I changed tactics and lowered my voice and energy.

I told her she could take all the time she needed, and I would leave her alone and give her some privacy. I then left the bathroom. It took her seven minutes before she could sit on the toilet and 15 minutes to finish pooping.

It obviously took time and concentration on her part and was easier for her when I was not around. Maybe this is the same for your daughter. 3. Squatting to poop is a very natural and healthy way to poop. You can get what is called a “squatty potty” that you can put on top of your toilet. This tool makes it so she can use the toilet and squat at the same time, which will probably make the toilet much more attractive to her. If you decide to try this, show it to her and model its use at a time when she does not need to poop. She will have more capacity to take it in, and it will give her a chance to practice using it without the added sensory experience of needing to poop.

For more toileting tips, check out my article in Issue Two, March 2021 of Exceptional Needs Today, and the second edition of my book, Autistic Logistics: A Parent’s Guide to Tackling Bedtime, Toilet Training, Meltdowns, Hitting, and Other Everyday Challenges.

Kate C. Wilde has spent the past 30 years working with children and adults on the autism spectrum and their families, as well as with therapists, educators, and schools. She is the author of the acclaimed books, Autistic Logistics: A Parent’s Guide to Tackling Bedtime, Toilet Training, Tantrums, Hitting, and Other Everyday Challenges and The Autism Language Launcher: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Your Child Turn Sounds and Words into Simple Conversations, and is renowned for the well-attended courses she teaches throughout the U.S., Europe, and Asia. Her YouTube autism quick tip videos, delivered with her trademark infectious enthusiasm, have garnered a following worldwide.

Websites: https://www.katecwilde.com/, https://www.autismcrisisturnaround.com/

IN SEARCH OF PERSONALIZED EXPERT GUIDANCE? Send us your parenting questions, woes, concerns, and tricky situations with your beautiful, exceptional children. This includes all of you amazing professionals out there. Kate will answer up to five questions in every issue in her Kate Makes it Great! column. Kate has worked with children and adults on the spectrum for the past 30 years. She has clocked more than 20,000 therapy hours and has worked with well over 1,500 different children. Whatever you are facing today, Kate has most likely experienced it in some form. Her answers will be practical, doable, inspiring, optimistic, down to earth, and real. Together, there is nothing we cannot face with a little joy and love.

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