WHAT EVERY GIFTED STUDENT WISHES THEIR PARENTS KNEW ABOUT THEM

1. I need to be shown your love does not hinge on my achievements

Many times parents will want to celebrate the academic success of their gifted child. They may have placed first in the school science fair, received top academic honors at their school with outstanding grades, or even won the local spelling bee. There is nothing wrong with celebrating your child who is academically excelling at school. However, children who are gifted want to be loved “unconditionally.” They don’t want love from their parents to only be demonstrated during times of academic achievement. Don’t only tie your praise to events in which your child excels. Show you love them regardless of superior academic ability or failure, simply because they are your child. Express your care and pride for occurrences beyond just high achievement, and they’ll understand your love for them is unconditional.

2. I need to spend part of my school day with other gifted students

It is important that your gifted child has access to other gifted children during the school day. While they need to learn how to interact and communicate with people who are not gifted on a daily basis, it is equally important they are in a learning environment for part of their school day with other gifted students. It will allow them a unique opportunity to work and interact with other children who may share some of their interests and struggles. It allows your child to fully comprehend they are not the only gifted child at their school. They have peers who share similar experiences.

3. School may be boring

Getting 100 percent on school assignments does not mean gifted children are enjoying school or excelling. It is also not a measure of growth. A gifted student may begin a class in the fall of a school year with a 98 percent knowledge level. By May of the same school year, they may exit the class with a 100 percent knowledge level. Many people want to celebrate the high achievement your gifted child has obtained. However, it really only shows your gifted child made two percent progress over a nine to 10 months period of time. Gifted children want to explore, be challenged, and ask lots of questions. It is your responsibility as a parent to ensure your school program is meeting the advanced educational needs of your gifted child. If they are not being challenged at school, they may just want to start staying at home and could potentially become isolated.

4. Don’t assume I want to skip grades at school

Your gifted child may have the academic ability of an advanced adult but still only be 10 years old. Even though they may easily handle high school algebra or science

classes, they may not have the same social interests older teenagers do. There are ways to meet their advanced academic ability without placing them with older students who they may not relate to or with whom they cannot form friendships.

5. Not everything in my life revolves around my giftedness

Everything your gifted child does in life should not revolve around just their academic abilities. They may want to do other activities children their age are also doing. They should not be worried about their ACT scores when they are in the fifth grade. Let them join Boy Scouts, become part of a swim team, bake cookies, join the school band or choir, or simply hang out with their friends. Sometimes they may just want to be a kid and play a video game instead of reading a book.

6. Understand I may be bullied at school

While adults such as parents and teachers often recognize and appreciate “giftedness,” same-age peers may not. Your gifted child at school may be bullied. They may get called names or even laughed at for demonstrating their superior academic abilities. Gifted children can also get teased for hanging out with other gifted children at school or for being grouped with them in the regular education classroom. Some students may be jealous of their academic abilities and begin to make their life at school difficult. Maintain open communication and conversations with your gifted child about their school day.

7. Be aware of my unique interests

There are times your gifted child may have a very narrow focus on a particular subject matter. Parents should not assume all gifted children are interested in calculus and Shakespeare. They may suddenly spark an interest in geology, foreign affairs, different languages and cultures, the stock market, medicine, etc., at a very early age. They may require additional support for developing these interests even if it seems odd to others that all they want to talk about is dinosaurs, stocks, or recent medical trends.

8. I’m not perfect!

Your gifted child needs to know it is absolutely fine to make mistakes. No one is perfect, and their diagnosis of “giftedness” doesn’t mean they’ll achieve at everything they do. Making a mistake just means you’re going to learn more about the process and do better the second time

you attempt to tackle it. When your gifted child makes an error, avoid making statements such as: “I thought you were gifted,” or “For someone who is supposed to be so smart, I can’t believe you just did that!”

9. Don’t allow me to become arrogant

Gifted children need to understand being gifted doesn’t mean they are “smarter” than everyone else. There are many children in school with average IQs who excel academically through hard work and dedication. Being gifted just means they have the ability to process information quicker than most people. They need to understand that while they may only need to be presented with information in class once, there are others in the classroom who don’t comprehend new concepts the first time they are introduced to them.

10. I don’t always want to be the class tutor

Your gifted child may finish their classwork in a much quicker manner than their same-age peers. Many of them want to use their free time to read, investigate a topic of interest, or work on other class assignments. Many teachers will ask your gifted child if they are willing to tutor other students in the class who are struggling. Many gifted children are too polite to say “No,” to the teacher and feel locked into the class tutor’s role. Remind your gifted child’s teacher that unless your child wants to tutor others, you’d prefer they be allowed to use that time to work on other interests they want to develop.

Ron I. Malcolm, EdD, is an Assistant Director of Special Education for a public school district, an Associate Faculty Member with the University of Phoenix, and a Special Graduate Faculty Member at the University of Kansas. His educational background includes a bachelor’s degree of arts (BA) in English from Acadia University, Nova Scotia, Canada; a bachelor’s degree in Education (BEd), Special Education from Acadia University, Nova Scotia, Canada; a master’s degree in Education (MEd), Deaf Education from L’universite de Moncton, New Brunswick, Canada; a master’s degree of arts (MA) in Counseling from Gallaudet University, Washington, DC; a master’s degree of science (MS) in School Administration from Fort Hays State University, Hays, Kansas; a doctorate in education (EdD), School Leadership from Northern Arizona University, Flagstaff, Arizona; post-doctorate studies in autism spectrum disorders at Northern Arizona University, Flagstaff, Arizona; and post-doctorate studies in positive behavior supports at Northern Arizona University, Flagstaff, Arizona. He has worked for the past 36 years in the field of Deaf Education. He has a profound bilateral sensorineural hearing loss and wears two Phonak hearing aids.

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