COLUMN: Treasures of the South

Lisa Scott shares a few of her favourite things…

The weather

You’re in for a treat, the South Island has actual weather: storms, sunshine, snow, and hail, sometimes all in one day. None of this piddly warm drizzle nonsense here. Southern weather is a drama llama, a musical with a great many costume changes; it is absolutely guaranteed that at some point your hair will be blown backwards, like a beagle’s ears when he’s running. Your cheeks will be pink, you will glow. The South Island’s weather inspires passion. Walk across a headland as the gulls ridge ride the wind, arms linked with the one you love. Shout endearments above the gale. Hold your jacket above your sweetie’s head as the rain comes in sideways and tuck a wet strand behind an ear. The Notebook was never so romantic.

The food

Admittedly it took a rather long time, in fact there was a period in the ‘60s when southern food was mostly yellow: cheese and pineapple sandwiches, banana milkshakes, hot chips… in the ‘80s avocados were viewed with suspicion, when they weren’t stuffed with prawns, and open declarations of vegetarianism were afforded raised eyebrows and a “But you still eat chicken, right?” All that has become a thing of the past. Southern food is world-beating. Fresh and innovative, bold and saucy… you can still get cheese and pineapple sandwiches, though, at the Lagonda in Oamaru.

Humour

Southerners have a very different sense of humour from the rest of the country. A joke is a statement of untruth, followed by silence. This is known as taking the p*ss and can sometimes be confusing. Southern humour doesn’t feel it needs to be overly clever. In more remote corners calling a short man ‘Stretch’ will bring the house down. If in doubt, laugh at everything.

Architecture and street art

New Zealand being a young country, it has made a young country’s mistakes. Parts of it bear the acne scars of hasty development, demolitions; buildings built fast upon the rubble and rued at length. The southernmost south suffered no such boom, no progress at all in fact until relatively recently, meaning its architectural gems, its bluestone beauties, its Victorian cake slices perched on busy corners still remain. And accompanying the restoration of heritage areas, especially in Dunedin, is some truly wonderful street art. Feast your eyeballs on the fantastic and surreal beasties dotted around the city created by artists like British street muralist Phlegm, whose mythical Kakapo-like creature resides in Moray Place, or Melbourne artist Suki’s monochromatic and dreamy murals. Grab a map and dance through an urban space decorated with fairytale characters, lacey patterns and giant tuatara.

Wildlife

Little blue penguins, seals, sea lions, albatrosses taking flight at Taiaroa Head, their chicks fluffy balls of ridiculousness; the world’s largest colony of Otago Shags crowded onto Oamaru’s Sumpter Wharf, Hector’s dolphins playing in the surf down in the Catlins, kiwi on Stewart Island, whales breaching off the coast of Kaikoura. Be a human in an animal kingdom.

Adventure

2020 has been one long uncertain yawn of sign in and sanitise, accompanied by a constant low-level hum of stress. The only antidote is to live more, fear less – fortunately the South Island is the adventure capital of the world. Fall into a canyon at 120kph on the world’s highest swing, paraglide, climb a waterfall, plummet down a mountain attached to bike or board, and feel yourself surge with the good kind of adrenalin.

Get away from your damn phone

That constant ringing, beeping, and dinging is making you bonkers. The South Island is the answer. Here there are vast swathes of Wi-Fi-less space – forests, lakes and mountains, remote huts where there is no coverage at all. Places where nobody can find you and ask a pointless question. Get lost (not literally please, Search and Rescue callouts are very expensive) in birdsong, bush walks, listening to the sound of your own breathing. No twits or tweets. No status updates, your status is Zen.