expressions east carolina university’s minority publication
fall 2015
expressions
DUCTION expressions is ECU’s minority publication that strives to provide an alternative voice to address the experiences, concerns, and perspectives of minorities. This year’s theme is “Community”, focusing on the ironic lack of unity within today’s society.
fall 2015 1
FROM THE EDITOR When I first received the news that I would be the editor of expressions, I was ecstatic! I was so honored to be a part of such an important publication, at such an important time in our history. Our nation’s first black president is reigning in office while the most restrictive voter laws since the 1960s are being passed in North Carolina. African-American men are campaigning for an end to police brutality; a time of change is truly awaiting us. For over 30 years, expressions has served a vital need to East Carolina’s campus by giving a voice to those who may otherwise be silenced. Upon joining the staff, I was excited to learn this year’s theme was unity and communication. I quickly thought of all the ways that the various demographics on our campus all fit into one community of Pirates. I couldn’t wait to present a publication that exhibited acceptance and unification despite physical and historical variations. However, this is not what happened. We asked students to submit written and artistic pieces that displayed unity and communication. The response we received was alarming. Upon receiving submissions, our staff quickly realized that an overwhelming amount of students on our campus did not feel a sense of unity with one another. In fact, many felt isolated. Several written pieces expressed a lack of acceptance, solitude, frustration with the media, and an overall theme of division. Though puzzled at first, it became clear what needed to be done with these submissions. These were the voices of our students; they needed to be acknowledged. The submissions chosen for publication reshaped the theme and design of this year’s publication.
expressions 2
After analyzing the themes reflected in many of our submissions and comparing them to my own observations of our community, I quickly realized the importance of highlighting our lack of unity in my editorial piece. The presence of disharmony is one thing; failure to acknowledge it is unacceptable. It is important that we acknowledge some of the contrasting realities of our community. Unity is far ahead of us. Our frustration is current. However, I truly believe that change is imminent. I hope you enjoy this year’s edition of expressions. We will be opening a forum for discussion after the publication’s release, and we encourage all students who are interested to participate. For those who are interested in sharing their feedback in a private setting, our staff is always available by email at expressions@ecu.edu.
Morgan S. Gibbs
fall 2015 3
TENTS 6
LATE NIGHT anonymous IN ECSTASY
8 summer tillman
10
NOUGH maya williams
12
LIVING maya williams
DEPRESSION
14
MUSIC OF MY tyler stocks
16
THIS IS A mia willis
18
GIRL AT
maya williams
20
H PE
sarah gallo expressions 4
BURN
22
THE
OF UNITY
morgan gibbs
SUBMISSIONS
25 kerrine melton
26
PHILISTINE
lena mahmoud abdallah
28
I DONT
TO BE A SCIENTIST
kristalyn gill
30
DECLARATION OF glory iluyomade
32
OPE
courtney williams
34
WHAT
YOU?
maya williams
37
WHAT ARE jasmine hughes
fall 2015 5
AFRICA
My mind stopped and my world changed because you were in it, and in that moment that was all that I needed to keep me going.
LATE
I was numbed by cold, burned by the winter, frozen in time holding on to an idol I thought I fully believed in, but never really understood.
anonymous
THOUGHTS
My head was in the clouds, and all that padding made me blind to the fact that my expectations might be the very thing creating my own heartbreak.
And it was only in the midst of such an insatiable winter, that I discovered the neverending summer within myself. They say no man is an island. But if you think about it, we’re all islands to some extent. Islands with only half a bridge; built to allow just enough access to see. See what we want to see, but never truly feel. Feel the full experience that is an all too familiar foggy haze once disguised as something transcendent of spirit, or time, or reason. We are all islands, waiting for someone to come along and build on to the other half of our bridge. Complete us. Make us whole. Meet us halfway. But sometimes islands are too distant, too far apart.
Photo: Anonymous “Untitled”
expressions 6
And the pitiful puddle of misunderstanding that at one time did little to separate a bond that seemed so strong, begins to overflow. With tear drops of confusion, and rain drops of humiliation; with tear drops of confusion, and raindrops of longing; with tear drops of confusion, and rain drops of emotions that your mind was made to lay to rest, but soul can no longer repress. Feelings so strong, that something inside you that most times, seems like merely a subtle ache, Threatens to unevenly break the reservoir that is keeping everything stitched together. Destroy it, to the point where the thought of repair seems unfathomable. And the most two entities can do is make the best of an awkward situation, until the reservoir breaks and the cataclysm is too powerful to contain. Seconds turn into minutes, minutes turn to into “where did I go wrong? Well if...I hadn’t done that, what could I have changed? Restful hours turn into late nights afflicted with overthinking and early mornings plagued with wondering. Puddles turn into oceans too vast to overcome what was once so whole. Things fall apart. It Happens.
fall 2015 7
WALLOW summer tillman
Photo: Samantha Harvey “Dreaming”
expressions 8
ECST
TASY
Bury your grief Wallow in ecstasy Let it marinate your soul And seep into your pores Feed in euphoria Through tube of light touch And throat of violent embrace Reel in rapture Sulk in its intensity Suck dry joy’s dew And choke on good cheer Mourn your dead sorrows And drown In ecstasy
NOUGH
maya williams
Photo: Shayna Jones “Tell A Vision”
Dear conservative media, I understand you guys get a bad rap at times, But this time, You went too far. Tired of hearing from angry minorities? Then you shouldn’t be hurting our own. You’re the reason why kids like me felt The obligation of choosing one facet of myself Over another. A game of Connect Four on the concept of Race, if you will. “Which color goes through which slot?” When did you choose Shaun King As your new target? Apparently your outlets are knowledgeable enough
expressions 10
To talk about people of color well. Apparently you’re validated in comparing Shaun King to Rachel Dolezal. Weren’t you just defending her last week?
Black enough, White enough, Mixed enough, This enough, Enough is enough, dear outlets: Enough!
You’re part of the reason why mixed people Don’t feel welcome to the table to stand up For black lives. You’re the whole reason why the one-drop rule Is still a thing. A rule ingrained in unwritten social textbooks that People forget need to be closed. Shaun King’s voice is needed in this movement. You try so hard to be rid of. He can speak on why majority and minority Must collaborate in order to live in the free world You attempt to call “post racial.” Conservative media, What the heck is “post racial”?
Dear Shaun King, Your blog on growing up mixed Moved me to tears. And you’re amazing for fighting against Police brutality after false accusations Tell you not to. Thank you for pushing people like me to join The conversation. Thank you for not excluding anyone from this Great roundtable of knights people only hear about In fairytales. Social justice can soon no longer be a fairytale. So, dear conservative media… Nice try.
In terms of Team Color Blind, Just because you see no evil, It doesn’t mean there is no evil. It regurgitates the need to compartmentalize Our identity by saying we’re not enough.
fall 2015 11
WITH DEPRESSION maya williams
Photo: Samantha Harvey “Untitled”
Will writing this liberate me? Or will it glorify the reader to soak into my past, When I don’t ever want to Dip my toes back in it In the first place? I am… depressed. But it’s not a popular, Poetic topic. So it shouldn’t be a big deal, Right? It never angered me Until I truly thought about it. People attempt to relate. Speaking of their days of adolescence, Like mistaking the placebo For the actual medication. They beg with their eyes to talk to them, But how can I? They’ll make it about themselves.
They’ll say I’m doing this To myself. How can I explain that My body Has become a house I no longer want to live in. I have been planning my eviction for months Now. Yes, rate my triviality, Reader. Like they did. Laugh at how the media Misrepresents Through glamorizing pill-popping And dark brooding dramatics. Shake your head At how I don’t agree that depressed youth Are attention whores, Strippers on their own stage. Why do you think I didn’t want to write it on these pages You call my stage? Winding a smile upward With rusty screwdrivers When I want to stay in bed With spewed parts of mine everywhere If I twist hard enough… I’ll be happy, right? Reader, I cannot choose an emotion That can’t ripple through me today. Understand, My feelings are real. Do you think all of this Will cease to be real Once I vanish from my occasional soapbox Of pages? fall 2015 13
The roaring whistles of train engines, the honking horns of city buses awake me from my slumber. The aroma of freshly roasted Green Mountain Coffee fills my nostrils. My chocolate brown hair is still messy and I need to shave but I don’t have time fix it now. I wash down my Strattera and Welbutrin so that I don’t lose my ever-loving mind as I participate in the rat race all over again. Beautiful jet-black street lamps illuminate pale gray sidewalks as I tread down the wide path, trying to fall in line behind everyone else. To be like everyone else even though I know that I will always stick out. The yellow hue of the lamp soothes me. Or is it the old man sitting on his stoop playing the harmonica? He plays day in, day out, rain or shine. Nothing seems to get him down. Or is that man really me in disguise? After all, nothing seems to keep me down. I keep playing my harmonica, and playing the harmonica allows me to weather the storms. I just wish that my music sounded as good as his. Not squeaky, broken and off key. A few more blocks and I pass by abandoned houses, standing in unison with their fading red, blue, green and yellow
chipped paint. Tall green grass rests against the rotting white picket fence. Mailbox flags cling on for dear life as one lonely screw holds each of them on. I often feel like that mailbox flag. That one screw holds me in place, even as the wind blows and the rain cascades. I’m close to falling and my heart races. Why is my heart racing? Maybe it’s because large crowds can be quite intimidating. I don’t like confined spaces either. Making friends can be a real challenge as my language is hindered by mumbling, stuttering, repeating the same sentence over again and again. One wrong move, and the screw holding me in place begins to wiggle and loosen. I brace for impact as I let out labored breaths of panic and watch my sweaty palms start shaking. Too anxious to fit in and be able to act normal and function normally. I breathe in; I breathe out. I count to ten. I close my eyes and think of my happy place. My heart rhythm slows, and I feel the anxiety subside. The people aren’t as scary anymore. My sentences are clearer, and my palms aren’t sweaty. I look people in the eye,
expressions 14
and for the first time, I smile. Letting go of all that held me back, untightening the screw that holds me in place. It’s time to let go and be free again to life’s untamed beckoning. I return to the old abandoned houses. Only this time, they are not all in unison; the chipped paint isn’t there. But the shades of red, blue, green and yellow are more vibrant than ever before. The smell of fresh cut grass is in the air, and the white picket fence has been repainted. The mailbox flags aren’t hanging on by lonely screws anymore. They stand proudly. The sidewalks aren’t pale gray, and the jet-black street lamps have clear lights strung from them. The bulbs have been replaced and no longer have a dull yellow hue. No, the bright LEDS are bursting with life again, lifting my spirits and making me feel alive. I arrive home and take out my harmonica and begin to play again. Only this time the music isn’t squeaky, broken and off key. The harmonica isn’t old and rusty. It’s silver and shiny and smells brand new. Sitting on my stoop, I play day
in, day out, rain or shine. Nothing seems to get me down. I look up to the sky at the birds flying, spreading their wings and going off into the sunset. Across the river, the tall city skyline illuminates the darkness, and I can feel its energy. The roaring whistles of train engines, the honking horns of city buses reverberate and perk me up once more. I feel like I’m alive again, at ease within my own shell.
Artwork: Emily Branch “Untitled”
OF MY MIND tyler stocks
fall 2015 15
IS A CHEMICAL BURN mia willis
Photo: Alex Lewis “Self Improvement is Masturbation”
expressions 16
this exists in the spaces between things like wars and elections. this is an angry keloid on the face of history. this is a dinosaur that is willfully ignorant of its own impending extinction. this is deluding itself into believing that oblivion wouldn’t dare come for it. this is deluding itself into believing that oblivion wouldn’t dare come from it. this is the line between order and chaos. this is the chaos amid the order. this stands for the conceptual difference between erections of a man and of a spirit. this is pornographic pictures spliced into family films. this is subliminal messaging in the singed rings of cigarette burns. this is the hole that continuously shape-shifts so that nothing fits within it. this is monkey’s fist, butterfly, blood, and angler. this is the first IKEA sofa, the first Starbucks latte, the first Jordan’s sneaker. this is the last stain on the carpet before the nest blows to kingdom come. this polishes the brass on the Titanic and ignores the iceberg. this is gifting starving children with cameras and microphones instead of clean water. this is telling the world that it has learned all it is supposed to and everything else is static. this is introducing the animal kingdom to the worst kind of predator. this is ending its existence one minute at a time. this is evolving into the things that go bump in the night. this is evolving into the night. this will hurt more than it has ever been burned. this will have a scar. this is not over. this is who we are. and this is a chemical burn.
fall 2015 17
Photo: Samantha Harvey “Looking Glass”
GIRL AT maya williams
expressions 18
Young lady picks up two different Magazines: Essence and Cosmopolitan. Young lady knows that these covers Are not mirrors, But young lady wishes they are. Young lady wishes she could choose one. But her skin is too light for Lupita’s chocolate. But her skin is too dark for Emma’s vanilla. According to her friends, Hardly anyone finds caramel tasty. Young lady wishes she could choose one. She stands in front of her mirror As Lupita and Emma’s smile Gleam at her with red lips, White teeth, And skin as glossy as The smooth pages they live in. Young lady wishes she could choose one. She hid mommy’s red lipstick In her bathroom drawer To try on herself… Has mommy ever felt this way? Mommy is just as caramel as young lady. Does Mommy have the same wish? Young lady wishes she could choose one. Now.
fall 2015 19
H PE
Photo: Kerrine Melton “Voyeurism”
sarah gallo
I know I can beat this darkness inside of me. Yesterday
held the darkest day and night I remember enduring.
But today I woke up with a brightness in my eyes that
was not there before. It surprised me. Yesterday I said
I would never be happy again…that I wanted to hide
from life forever. I said that I wanted to bask in the pain
because happiness is terrifying. Yes, it is terrifying. And
it might take all I have to go on. But…there are some
moments when I remember that…none of us really have
it together. We just go on mindlessly until our worlds are
a little less broken. And hope that one day the air won’t expressions 20
be a burden to breathe but a gift. It is the music that healed my aching soul. It pieced back together the sad, hopeless girl that only needed the right notes to heal her. They cured her like no prescription ever could. It cured the root of the ache, what she should’ve paid attention to all along, you see… all that girl needed was to feel safe… to feel less alone in this barren world. And music comforted her in a way nothing else could. Two years ago the song saved her. Ten years ago the same song saved her. Music never leaves you. When you need that comfort, it will be right there waiting for you. Always. Those nights you spent alone, begging for someone to save you… music was where you turned. And now, when you get that familiar ache, it will still be there. And guess what? Twenty years from now, those songs that saved you then will save you again…and again…and again. Music saves us by taking us into a world free of hurt. Free of loneliness. Free of heartbreak. Free of fear and judgment. And renews a hope we thought had died long ago.
*She writes as listening to “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls
fall 2015 21
THE STATE OF by morgan gibbs Unity: the state of being one; the whole or totality as combining all its parts into one; the state of being united or combined into one. One. One seems to be the theme here. Unity, and all of its variations, have found their way into our vocabulary. They’ve even found their way within common words used in our everyday language: community, uniform, union, the list could go on indefinitely. The term is so popular, it’s even made its way into the title of our very country: the United States of America. Yes, unity can be found all around us on paper. But what about our neighborhoods? But what about our peer groups? But what about our political views? What about our society? Why is unity such a popular word, but such an unpopular reality? Since the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, I’ve been fixated on the extreme disharmony and lack of unity in our society. A child lost his life at the hands of an adult who ignored police orders. The event was nothing short of a tragedy. Yet still, opinions on the killing remained divided along sharp racial and political lines. According to National Public Broadcasting, 86% of Blacks found the shooting unjustified, while only 30% of whites shared a similar opinion. Why could we as a nation not agree that the execution of an innocent human being was wrong? Several cable news channels spun opposing stories. Some networks told a story of a violent thug who was killed after viciously attacking a law-abiding citizen; others expressed sympathy for an innocent teenager who attempted to defend himself after being stalked on his way home. If both networks agreed on the same set of general facts, why did they fight so hard to tell very different stories? Media outlets aim to provide content based on what is most appealing to their viewers. What does this example of skewed anecdotes say about our society? Both networks are attempting to appeal to two very different ideologies that are both very present around us. A year after the acquittal of Martin’s death, Zimmerman was charged with aggregated assault for allegedly throwing a wine bottle at a white woman. Following the battery charge, negative opinions of Zimmerman appeared more unanimous across racial and political lines. Why could we as a society not agree on our opinion about the shooting of a black child, but could come to a consensus on our feelings about the battery of a white woman? Were their lives not equal? Was our ability to unanimously sympathize with a black male really that difficult?
expressions 22
After Martin’s death, similar incidents involving the killing of unarmed black mean gained attention across the country: Jordan Daivs, Tamir Rice, Eric Garner, Michael Brown… the list seemed endless. The death of Mike Brown, an unarmed teenager who was shot and killed by a law enforcement officer, sparked the protest movement: Black Lives Matter. Birthed from the belief that our society fails to value the lives of black men and women in the same regard as the lives of men and women of other races, the title was taken from the sentence: Black lives matter, too. Since the movement’s induction, similar killings have occurred and the racial and political divide has continued. Why is it still so hard for a fragment of our society to sympathize with black men? Why is it so difficult for another fragment of our society to sympathize with the white men who kill them? Certainly, these white men used deadly force for a reason. As a result of the Black Lives Matter campaign, another movement began: All Lives Matter. While supporters of the spin-off campaign argue that the movement advocates for the importance of all human beings regardless of demographical attributes, I see a very different story. All Lives Matter is the direct antitheses of Black Lives Matter. It is a direct refusal to acknowledge the inequality men and women of color face in our society. Imagine this scenario: Suppose you are waiting for a table at a restaurant. You have been waiting for over an hour, while several people who have come into the restaurant after you are seated promptly. After waiting for over an hour, you may champion, “My table matters, too. “ Now suppose the staff working at the restaurant offer the rebuttal, “Everyone’s table matters.” Yes, you can acknowledge that everyone’s table is important, but the staff must also acknowledge that not everyone is being ignored in the way that you are. It is understood that all the other diners’ tables matter; however, your specific table is not being held to the same standard. Offering an all-inclusive rebuttal may cause you to feel as though your unique cries have been unacknowledged. This scenario illustrates the exact juxtaposition held between the Black Lives Matter and All Lives Matter campaigns. Another important fact to consider when acknowledging the All Lives Matter movement is its origin. Unlike the Black Lives Matter campaign, which was birthed out of frustration and perceived inequality, All Lives Matter developed from an opposing protest movement. There was no epidemic of lives being senselessly taken at random, prompting our society to preach the importance of universal humanity. This prompts me to question the true motives of the movement. Regardless of intent, the movement ignites a direct refusal to acknowledge the cries
fall 2015 23
Matter movement is to acknowledge that black lives have the right to be included in all lives. Why is our society so divided that we cannot acknowledge the importance of black lives? Why does our society lack so much unity that we cannot simply accept the fact black lives are not always treated with the same importance as lives of other races? I question the true beliefs of those who champion against movements that speak to minority frustration and perceived inequality. I questions whether rebuttals consisting of blanket statements reflect their true opinions or if they are just simply shields to conceal their refusal to sympathize with black inequality. But in questioning the other side, I also question myself. Is it possible that I, and those who think similarly to me, are a part of problem? I remain a part of the divide as well. I refuse to champion that All Lives Matter. I find it difficult to sympathize with the white shooters involved in the killings of unarmed black men. I refuse to understand things from a non-minority perspective. Of course, this stems from the fact that I think that my argument is correct. But do we not all think we are right? Is it not the belief that we are correct in our reasoning, the very thing that causes us to become polarized in our own beliefs and dismiss the viewpoints of those who do not agree with us? Considering that I, as a double minority, belong to an oppressed group it could be argued that my opinions are validated by the fact that I am more likely to be on the receiving injustice and am therefore more aware of it. But it does not discount the fact that I too account for the lack of unity in our society. The reasons for the lack of unity in our community has a number of factors, none of which can be solved by a single conversation, news program, or protest movement. However, the conscious acknowledgement and attempt to recognize the role we all play in aiding to our disharmony, has numerous implications when attempting to establish unity. Standing as one requires all single sides to convene on a middle ground and abandon loyalty to subgroups. Unity is not impossible. Our very nation has adapted the concept into its very title. With effort from all sides, and the willingness to establish a single universally-accepting group, we can become one. Citation: Oxforddictionaries.com,. ‘Unity: Definition Of Unity In Oxford Dictionary (American English) (US)’. N.p., 2015. Web. 11 Oct. 2015. NPR.org,. ‘Polls Show Wide Racial Gap On Trayvon Martin Case’. N.p., 2013. Web. 11 Oct. 2015.
expressions 24
Vacuum Service: I really enjoy this image because when I walked up on the group of people in Greenville, the couple on the right and the man on the left were all arguing about the vacuum in the picture, the amount of time it took to fix, etc. Yet when looking at the picture, one would never be able to tell the discontent among the subjects. I think this says a lot about the subjects wanting to appear united through public display.
Unity: This image is of a run down bathroom outside of an abandoned building in Downtown Greenville. I think the words written on the door are quite interesting for the location.
PHOTOGRAPHIC Kerrine Melton
PHILISTINE lena mahmoud abdallah
Sweet summers around the olive tree Hanging from their branches, living free Walking the land in which my parents took their first steps Breathing the air in which my parents took their first breath A sense of belonging so far from home All along my heart was concealed by the dome Beneath a treasure waiting to be found Little did I know, I was a fool looking around See, what I desired was always where I was bound Yet my heart still aches and feels the weight of the world Tears of oppression fall under the dome, within the heart of this girl The beats are growing slower it’s harder to function My people are losing hope, it seems to be a malfunction Because the bravery of a Palestinian is like no other Withstanding tanks and missiles from opposite borders, one after another Our existence to many may be denied However our resistance shall never subside Regardless of how high intrusive jets fly There’s always someone above, beyond divine May He bless us with patience through this difficult time Give the people sight, who seem to be blind And make us think twice when we tend to whine Perhaps our superficiality needs to be hit with the reality People are losing homes and limbs While we concentrate on useless whims A daughter without a father A boy supporting his mother A sister burying her brother And a heart that can’t go further Living only the life they were dealt Of cureless pain and atrocity felt Faith and patience being the only medicine Praying, kneeling in hopes of the benevolent heaven Free and far from the chains of murderous oppression A dream of once known sweet summers and liberation With a rock in hand, fighting evil occupation
expressions 26
Photo: Lena Abdallah “Untitled”
fall 2015 27
I WANT TO BE A SCIENTIST kristalyn gill
I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m really not. I’m tired of my peers trying to commandeer my interests, and persuade me that knowledge is only valuable when it involves benzene rings and polarity. This disparity of truth weighs heavily upon those of us who find their voice before empty theatre chairs and their inspiration from the individuals whom they interview. Those who can create another reality through color and the beautiful chaos of straight edges and curved crevices; those who find hope in making people laugh; those who create to initiate. Please do not tell me that I am wishing upon wandering stars, lost in the darkness of the black velvet sky because I am successfully achieving the act of constantly disbelieving your assertion that happiness can only be found in stability. The ability to live in the constant change is often scary, but repetition makes me wary. I would much rather wear a bright blue leotard than a white collared lab coat. Please give me a pair of tights rather than a stethoscope.
Photo Appropriated From Flickr Creative Commons
expressions 28
I deny failure. To fail means that I have been defeated, kneaded like dough, and burnt in the oven. Yet I refuse to say that my art can be bludgeoned. I refuse to believe that my work is meaningless. It is between creativity and ingenuity that I find my purpose.
fall 2015 29
Photo: Samantha Harvey “Untitled”
DECLARATION glory iluyomade
expressions 30
SOUTH AFRICA
Why must we get this treatment? Our own brothers and sisters fighting each other in the same war. Why must we chase the freedom that we are born with? I saw a beating yesterday. A young boy getting whipped by the officers, all because he didn't salute. Not even the thickest uniform can hide corruption. Does your skin color matter when you're picking the tombstone of your grave? Is it because I am black, and you are white that we bleed? Or is it simply because we are human, we bleed. Who are you to tell me where I should sit and walk. After all, you are not my Creator, My Creator is the maker of Kings and Queens, not slaves and the inadequate. I will not submit under your fear of rebellion I am the daughter of solution, the mother of evolution and the wife of revolution. You are not scared of the color of my skin, but the color of redemption. A time will soon come, when the sound of peace will be so profound, that it will silence the cry of racism and color-ism. We will no more be institutionalized by the standards of the white man but revolutionized by the destiny of our nation. Rise my people, rise.
fall 2015 31
If understanding another’s pain is what you seek Open your ears to hear and not your mouth to speak Don’t drown out the voice of a soul often silenced by society Just listen to the words of frustration, of weariness and anxiety Open your mind to another’s reality And don’t dismiss their struggles as just a triviality Open your heart to reach theirs and transcend The rampant mentality of us versus them Please open your ears, your mind and your heart It won’t change everything but at least it’s a start
Photo: Samantha Harvey “Abyss”
expressions 32
PEN
courtney williams
fall 2015 33
ARE YOU? maya williams
My brother, Melvin, is always able to find a way to make me laugh. It’s so good to see him. He smiles wide enough for me to see his one snaggle tooth among the rest of his straight teeth. I’ve been calling it his fang since we were kids. He doesn’t want to fix it, and I don’t want him to either. The light seeps through the large window of the Perk Up Coffee House we are in. It shines upon his caramel skin, turning his dark brown, curly hair into a lighter, shinier shade of brown. My little brother just turned a year older today. Puberty’s been treating him well all this time. I try to find a way to respond to his witty repartee about my pastiness compared to his bronze complexion. “Yeah, you have been getting a lot more sun than me, huh? But wait until winter rolls around again, you’ll be almost as pale as me, we’ll both be some frosty mulatto popsicles.” We both laugh even harder, shaking our wooden chairs side to side; I’m surprised one of us hasn’t fallen to the floor yet. We’re not the only ones in the café, but we feel as if we are. It’s kind of a small cafe; you’d think that after twenty or so years of business, they would learn to expand the place some more. I remember when this place was even smaller than this when I was a kid. “What the heck is Perk Up?” some people would ask. All of the conversations of six to eight other people around us east and west of the café tend to simmer down to silence every time we break out into laughter. Of course we had to sit at a table in the middle of the place, perfect place to stand out. Melvin is still recovering from my “mulatto popsicle,” bit when a young woman about his age comes to our table from the ordering line. He clears his throat before ceasing his chuckles. She has bright blonde hair, blue eyes, her complexion is a shade lighter than mine, and she is wearing a red spaghetti strapped shirt with stonewashed jeans. She is holding a paper cup with
Photo: Samantha Harvey “Stay Hopeful”
expressions 34
the green Perk Up logo in both of her hands, smiling quite harder than what was necessary for introduction. “Hi!” She cheerfully greets. “I just wanted to say that you two are gorgeous! Are you two related?” Melvin is flattered right away as he rubs his face, grinning. I smile and begin to speak. “Thank you so much. Yeah, we are.” The girl shrieks. “Ah! So cool! So pretty!” She then asks excitedly, “What are you?” I’m not smiling anymore, and neither is Melvin. I know that she means well, and I know that she is trying to be nice, but asking that question isn’t the way to do it. It’s a reincarnated euphemism for when Melvin and I were kids. All we wanted was to play with some kids in the neighborhood. Melvin and I were walking down the sidewalk of a townhouse complex we were living in in Manassas, Virginia. It was suburban with the smoothly painted creams and reds upon the homes along with red, black, orange, or green shutters. We were a couple of the very few Black and Brown faces in the neighborhood in 1981. A group of four blonde haired and brown haired White boys were running around chasing one another, like a swarm of bees, buzzing, hollering, and laughing. They looked like they were having fun. Being the tenyear-old big sister that I was, I walked farther down than Melvin, asking, “Can we play?” One of the blondes stopped chasing the boys, making them all stop to look at us. This blonde boy, I took to be the leader of the group, was around my age, had a small nose and a mole on his chin. He walked up to me and smirked, crossing his arms.
fall 2015 35
“Why would you wanna play with us, little nigger?” he asked, causing his friends to snicker at me. I felt my cheeks flush. It wasn’t my first time hearing the word, but it was my first time hearing it with a crowd. “Yeah, why don’t you play with that nigger behind you?” he continued. I closed my eyes. “He isn’t a nigger,” I said, I never knew such tremor would come to my voice. I clenched to my pencil skirt as a way to retain composure. “He’s my little brother.” They all laugh together. “Well he’s darker than you, isn’t he?” He uncrossed his arms, and looks up at my hair. “You got nigger hair like him though.” He reached his right hand toward me to pinch a curl of my hair. I slapped it away, causing them all to gasp. “Don’t touch my hair.” I said. There was still tremor, but I was a little bit louder. One of the other boys, the one with brown hair and freckles sprinkled on his cheeks, said, “She’s probably a Spic with that attitude, Brian.” Brian rubbed his chin, coming across as humorously inquisitive. Obviously, I wasn’t laughing. “I don’t know, Charlie.” He raised his arms up in jovial oblivion toward his friends. “Who knows what she is, you guys?” He returned to facing me. “What are you, huh?” He gestured his friends to come closer. Charlie reached for my hair and said, “Can Spics have nappy hair?” I attempted to slap it away again and said “Please, don’t touch me.” Another boy tried to do the same, and I proceeded with more self-defense. Brian even tried to do it again, asking, “What are you? Tell us!” “Get your hands off!” a voice from behind shouted, like a yeti, wild and ready to fight. Surely enough, my brother Melvin,
who was going to turn nine-years-old the next day, pushed the first boy he could get to. At the time, I thought, I was able to take care of myself, why did he have to barge in? He pushed Brian hard upon the sidewalk, making a loud grunt escape from his lips. “Ow!” Brian cried, sitting up to look for any cuts and bruises on him. Blood was spilling slowly from his left knee, dripping down to his leg. His friends looked at him in shock. “C’mon, hit him back,” Charlie said, shifting uncomfortably in his overalls. Brian wasn’t standing up. “C’mon, Brian, hit him back! Give the redbone what he deserves!” He said more forcefully. A real bully never lets his followers down. Therefore, Brian stood up, and started running towards Melvin and yelled “You don’t touch me, nigger!” He tackled him, both boys falling to the ground, wrestling one another with kicks, grunts, and slaps. We all crowd around them, the White boys cheering Brian on, while I tried to make Melvin stop and get up. In Starbucks now, the young girl asks us again, thinking that we didn’t hear her the first time. “What are you?” Poor thing still has a smile on her face. Mom liked to tell us how we have it much easier than what she had growing up. “It is a privilege for us to live in this neighborhood,” she said, cleaning my brother’s wounds. “Why do y’all have to mess it up?” Even nowadays, she doesn’t think it’s so bad when White people ask us questions like the one we are hearing now. Dad doesn’t talk to us much about it. Maybe he still wants to believe he doesn’t have to talk about it as a White man, even when he married a Black woman and fathered her children. The young girl finally notices our lack of response and says, “Well, not that it matters, I just…you know…have to know.”
expressions 36
The fault is not in your eyes but in your sense of perception. The assumption that I am not a similar entity to you elicits this sense of alienation.
But when you look at her you do not even see her as person but instead as another race. The irony is that the race you perceive she belongs to is not even what she identified as.
jasmine hughes
YOU?
When I look at my own reflection, I see this woman with olive skin, big brown eyes and thick black course hair. For me it is clear to see what she is but not who she is.
WHAT
Am I a foreigner in my own community? Or am I just not included in what you conceive as your community?
The question you should ask instead is, Who are you? fall 2015 37
BIOGRAPHIE Sarah Gallo Sarah Gallo is junior communications major with a concentration in journalism and a minor in English. In addition to her academics, Sarah involves herself several campus organizations, including: Student Journalism Society, English Club and To Write Love on Her Arms. When not studying or participating in extracurricular activities, Sarah enjoys reading, playing instruments, and writing short stories and poems. Courtney Williams Courtney Williams is a senior, double majoring in Biology and Chemistry. Courtney uses her talents to help others by serving as Pirate Tutor in the Tutoring Center. In addition to that, Courtney furthers the use of her skills by holding the presidential position of pre-medical honors society, Alpha Epsilon Delta. When Courtney is taking a break from her studies, she spends her time cooking and taking nature walks. Kristalyn Gill Kristalyn Gill is following her passion for dance! The doublemajor is pursuing degrees in Dance Performance and Interpersonal/ Organizational Communication. In addition, Kristalyn serves as the Vice President of the East Carolina Dance Association. When Kristalyn is not dancing, she enjoys playing soccer, baking cookies, and hiking. Mia S. Willis Mia S. Willis has worked primarily in performance-based poetry since her introduction to the art in 2013. Mia is the current President and a regular performer with ECU Word of Mouth, a campus organization that has produced slam poetry competitors on both the state and national levels, respectively. She is currently a junior, studying toward degrees in both anthropology and classical civilization with a minor in forensic science. When not onstage, Mia enjoys volunteering with the East Carolina Conservation Laboratory, reading and watching Sherlock Holmes adaptations, and mountain biking with her fiancĂŠe.
expressions 38
ES
Maya Williams Maya Williams is a junior double majoring in Social Work and English, with hopes of pursuing a Master’s degree in Social Work and a graduate certificate in Expressive Arts Therapy or Social & Emotional Healing Through the Arts. Though originally from Maryland, Maya has grown up in Greensboro, North Carolina. With multiple ancestral origins, Maya identifies herself as “fully Black, fully White, and fully Native American.” Maya currently serves as the President of Interfaith Pirates Better Together, Vice President and Community Service Coordinator for Word of Mouth, and Event Committee member for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. In addition to these positions, Maya also dedicates her time to The Black Sheep Articles @ ECU as a staff writer. Shayna Jones Shayna Jones, affectionately known as ShayJo, is a junior majoring in communications with a concentration in public relations. As a result of her extreme passion for Hip Hop, Shayna has lent her talents to the campus radio station, WZMB were she serves as Music Manager. Shayna is also preparing to manage emerging rap artist, A$TRO. When Shayna is not working with music, she enjoys painting, photography, and all things creative. Jasmine Hughes Jasmine Hughes is senior double majoring in Biology and Chemistry. In addition to her academics, Jasmine involves herself several campus programs, including: Alpha Epsilon Delta Pre-Medical Honors Society, ECU Writes, and the Chancellor’s Committee on the Status of Women. When not on campus, Jasmine enjoys swimming, cooking, and working with the Greenville Museum of Art. Tyler Stocks Tyler Stocks is senior communications major with a concentration in public relations. Tyler hosts a portfolio of published works. His written pieces can be found in popular self-help series, Chicken Soup for the Soul, journalistic paper, Washing Daily News, ECU’s very own The East Carolinian, and several other publications. When Tyler is not writing, he enjoys traveling, playing with his pet cats, and spending time with his girlfriend.
fall 2015 39
Alex Lewis Alex Lewis is a sophomore at East Carolina University Majoring in English and double minoring in Creative Writing and French. When Alex is not writing articles for The Black Sheep, Alex enjoys listening to records, brewing tea and cooking. Photography is another one of the many pastimes they enjoy as well.
Mariah Barber Mariah Barber is a senior, finishing a BA in International Studies with a concentration Latin America and an BS in Public Health with a specialization in Community Health. A native of Mathews, NC, Mariah enjoys art, photography, and cooking. In addition to her academics, Mariah serves as an Appropriations Chair and General College Senator for the Student Government Association, and is involved with Word of Mouth and Third Street Community Center. She is also one of the Elite Pirates and a Global Pirate. Summer Tillman Summer Tillman is a sophomore with a passion for art! “Art is my inspiration to create.” While pursuing a degree in communication, Summer serves as an ECU News Service intern, president and founder of the Creative Writing Club, and mentor for the Jarvis Hall Leadership program. When Summer is not involved in extracurricular activities, she enjoys videography, photography, and reading. Emily Branch is a third-year student pursuing an MFA in painting and drawing. Her career aspirations include working for an art-focused study abroad or cultural program, and continuing the development of her artwork. When Emily is not painting or participating in the Painting Guild, she is running, hiking, or playing with animals. Glory Iluyomade Glory is a senior communications major, specializing in public relations. Her passion is to pass down courage and inspiration to the ones without. She believes that one’s nurture can overcome one’s nature and if you take time to find someone’s weaknesses you can find someone’s strengths. She uses poetry and other depictions of art to tell what can’t be told in words. She also believes that everyone has a story and stories are the different colors of life. Lena Abdallah Lena Abdallah is a Palestinian-American, in her senior year studying public health with a focus on pre-optometry. Her interests include social activism, which stems from her identity as a Palestinian and membership of an indigenous population. Lena finds writing to be an art to help connect and empathize with all victims of oppression. Kerrine Melton Kerrine Melton is a senior Sociology major with a multidisciplinary Health Studies minor. She enjoys photography, reading, listening to music, and cats. She also is fond of listening to and sharing people’s stories. She hopes to one day travel the world and share these stories through photography. She has an interest in poverty and homelessness, stemming from her personal experience with both of those factors. She hopes to explore those subjects both as a photographer and future sociologist.
YOU To Our Contributors: Thank you for choosing expressions as the medium to display your creative works. Without you, the magazine would be nothing but empty pages.
To Terrence Dove: Thank you for being our advisor, and pushing us to use our creative minds. Thank you for all of your advice and critiques.
To John Harvey: Thank you for believing in us and our ability to put this magazine together.
To Judy Quinn: Thank you for your artistic advice and always being just a call away when we needed something.
To The Agency: Thank you for helping us market expressions, and help us put together a celebration like never before.
To University Printing & Graphics: Thank you for turning our vision for expressions into a reality.
To Students, Staff, Faculty of ECU and Readers: Thank you for all the continuous support and interest in our work. We appreciate it!
fall 2015 41
ORGANIZAT African Students’ Organization (ASO) President: Vanessa Osei-Bonsu / oseibonsuv12@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Dr. Mary Wangila / wangilam@ecu.edu Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. President: Travis McMillian / mcmilliant12@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Demar Speller / SpellerD0517@yahoo.com Arab Student Union President: Sabrin Wshah / wshahs13@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Mona Russell / russellm@ecu.edu ARRRya Pirates President: Aarti Dhanani / dhanania12@students.ecu.edu President: Reshma Thomas / thomasre11@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Dr. Marina Alexander / alexanderm@ecu.edu Asian Students Association President: Gillian Moua / mouag11@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Tricia Wilson-Okamura / wilsonokamurat@ecu.edu Black Students Union (BSU) President: Don Donaldson / donaldsond13@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Adeea Rogers / rogersa@ecu.edu Caribbean Students Association (CSA) President: Tynijha McIver / mcivert12@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Dena Olo / olod@ecu.edu Chinese Student And Scholars President: Yuexian Hong / hongy14@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Qin Ding / dingq@ecu.edu C.U.L.T.U.R.E. Programming Board President: Astrid La Cruz Montilla / lacruza13@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Mariza James / jamesmar@ecu.edu
expressions 42
TIONS Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Student Union President: Amy Bright / brighta14@ecu.edu Advisor: Aaron Lucier / luciera@ecu.edu Indian Student Association President: Anah Massey / masseya14@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Dr. Subodh Dutta / duttas@ecu.edu Muslim Student Assocation President: Mohammad Innab / innabm14@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Dr. Muhammad Salman Ashraf / ashrafm@ecu.edu Minority Association of Pre-Health Students President: Qaasim Watson / watsonq11@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Eric Anderson / andersone@ecu.edu National Association of Black Accountants President: Brittney Chambers / chambersb12@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Douglas Schneider / schneiderd@ecu.edu National Association of the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) President: Ivan Dawson-Long / dawsonlongi11@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Lathan Turner / turnerla@ecu.edu National Society of Black Engineers President: Angel Chukwu / chukwua14@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Evelyn Brown / browne@ecu.edu National Society of Minorities in Hospitality President: Samantha Embree / embrees12@students.ecu.edu Advisor: David Rivera / riverad@ecu.edu Pirate Raas President: Mona Amin / aminm14@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Suzannah Lott / lotts15@ecu.edu
fall 2015 43
Saudi Students Organization President: Suleiman Alkhalifa / alkhalifas12@students.ecu.edu Advisor: William Mallet / malletw@ecu.edu Society of Women Engineers President: Gurnoor Sangha / sanghag13@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Dr. Evelyn Brown / browne@ecu.edu Woman Organization for Minorities Achieving Now President: Glory Iluyomade / iluyomadeg12@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Adeea Rogers / rogersa@ecu.edu Word of Mouth President: Mia Willis / willismi13@students.ecu.edu Advisor: Andrea Savage / savagea@ecu.edu
If your multicultural organization is not listed, please contact expressions, and we will feature your group in the next issue.
expressions 44
CALENDAR OF NOVEMBER 9
LWCC / SAB Film Hendrix Theater, 4–6:30pm
10
Ethnic Film Series 6:30-8:30pm, Science and Technology Building C207
11
Diwali 2015 6–8pm, Mendenhall Brickyard
13
Hmong New Year 4:30–6:30pm, Hendrix Theater & Mendenhall Brickyard
16
Cleve Jones 6:30–8:30, Hendrix Theater
18
Common Threads 5:30–7pm, Hendrix Theater
Russian Film Series 6:30pm, Bate 2020
19
German Filmabend 6pm, Bate 1003
ASO Cultural Explosion 2015 6–9:30pm, Wright Auditorium
expressions 46
DECEMBER 1
Ethnic Film Series 6:30–8:30pm, Science and Technology C207
2
Jazz Concert 8–9:30pm, Wright Auditorium
4
NC Diversity & Inclusion Partners 7am–5pm, East Carolina Heart Institute Auditorium
5
Step Show 1:30–6pm, Kappa Alpha Psi
World AIDS Day: Red Carpet Day Social 1–5pm, East Carolina Heart Institution World AIDS Day 7–8:30pm, Hendrix Theater
fall 2015 47
STAFF PUJA
General Manager Puja Patel is a senior psychology major with a minor in business administration from Raleigh, NC. She has had a passion for writing and reading from a young age. She was in the first graduating class of the East Carolinian’s Candidate Program in Fall 2013. She soon after became a reporter for the News and A&E section of the paper. Last year, she served as Assistant Editor for expressions and The Hook. After graduation, she hopes to go to graduate school for occupational therapy.
GIBBS
Editor Morgan Gibbs is a senior communications major with a concentration in journalism. She began her journey with Student Media in the spring of 2015 with WZMB and TEC-TV. In addition to media, Morgan also spends her time with ECU Athletics as a marking intern, Greenville Utilities video production intern, and local NBC-affiliate, WITN, as a master control operator. After graduation, Morgan plans to embark on a career in broadcasting and production at a media outlet. Her ultimate goal is to one day host and produce her very own nationally-syndicated talk show.
THOMAS
Design Chief Thomas Davis is a senior graphic design major from Wilmington, NC. He has a passion for all things design, and has been designing for seven years. This is his first year at Student Media, where he serves as the Design Chief, in charge of layout and overall design of expressions and The Hook.
expressions 48
TYGART
Designer Ashton Tygart is a junior double majoring in photography and graphic design originally from Winter Garden, FL. She transferred to ECU in 2013 to pursue graphic design. She focuses on the fine art aspect of photography. She began to be interested in graphic design in high school, and continued that interest when she came to college. This is her first year at Student Media.
SAMANTHA
Photo Editor Samantha Harvey is a senior photography major with a minor in art history from Stafford, VA. She focuses on the aspect of fine art in photography. She is a member of the ECU Photo Guild. This is her first year at Student Media, where she serves as Photography Editor, in charge of all photography and editing of photography for expressions and The Hook. After graduation, she aspires to continue to take fine art photography.
fall 2015 49
RIGHT COPYRIGHT Copyright 2015 expressions magazine and the Student Media Board of East Carolina University. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form electronic, mechanic, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the permission of the copy holder. expressions is published once a year by East Carolina University students at the Magazine Division Office, SelfHelp Building, Second Floor. Greenville, NC 27858. Student Media Professional Staff Director: John Harvey Administration Support Associate: Yvonne Moye Publication Adviser: Terrence Dove Advertising & Marketing Adviser: Elizabeth Semple Production Adviser: Judy Quinn Operations Manager: Janet Rollins expressions is operated by ECU students who are members of Student Media, an East Carolina University student-led organization operating under the auspices of the Student Media Board and through the Division of Student Affairs. The magazine is produced once a year by ECU students for the East Carolina community. Opinions expressed herein are those of the student contributors and DO NOT reflect those of the faculty, staff, administration of ECU, Student Media Board nor the University of North Carolina System. Funding for this publication is provided through Student Fee Funds. Advertising inquiries may be sent to Office of Student Media, 202 Self Help Building, or by calling the Business Office at 252-328-9245. Inquiries concerning content should be sent to the Magazine General Manager Puja Patel at expressions@ecu.edu. All students are allowed to have one copy of this publication. Additional copies cost $1 each and are available at the Office of Student Media. Unauthorized removal of additional copies from a distribution site will constitute theft under state law, a misdemeanor offence punishable by a fine and/or jail time.
SUBMISSION GUIDELINES expressions is currently accepting submissions for our next issue. Contributions can be any illustrations, poems, short stories, photographs or non-fiction works. All submissions should be your own work, unpublished in any other medium. Any submissions should include your full name, major, and classification. Please send all work to expressions@ecu.edu. Those pieces that are selected will appear in our next edition. expressions 50