THE ART OF BEING ‘NOT’ BUSY

LIFE COACH

THE ART OF BEING ‘NOT’ BUSY

By Debbie Kemp

Recently a friend playfully teased me, sarcastically saying “Oh because you’re SO busy”. They were referencing the fact that I’m six months on from selling a business that kept me very busy, and that I haven’t done anything glaringly obvious since then to fill my time.

Filling time has become quite the societal trend, right? But why choose that?

For the first time in a long time, I am very intentionally being NOT busy, NOT rushed, and NOT overwhelmed. It feels so good!

My nervous system feels calm and regulated and my health feels so easy to maintain, despite living in current times and amongst so much collective fear.

That’s what slowing down gifts us. That’s what honouring self does for us.

It hasn’t been smooth sailing and it definitely wasn’t an overnight process.

Stay with me and I’ll share the ride with you.

My business was a childcare centre. It was open from 7am until 6pm every day, and whilst I wasn’t there every day, the calls came at all times of the day. My husband also runs a business, in the construction industry, and often works quite long hours. We have two very active children, and our family life felt like it was in a very constant and very busy juggle. Not unusual, I know. But we decided that something had to give. It was time for me to be more present with our family and to bring more calm to our home.

When I first sold my business, some other things kept me busy. I schooled the kids during our covid lockdown and then I managed some other family related projects. As soon as they were complete, some sort of nervous energy kicked in.

“What will I do with myself now?” I asked myself, feeling very uncomfortable with being NOT busy. It felt like I needed a project, or a job, to fill my days and to make me feel… like I was contributing? Like I was being productive ‘enough’?

It’s challenging to describe the level of restlessness I felt in that time. They say change isn’t easy! Surely taking a lot of work off my plate should’ve been, but there was so much discomfort. This change was stripping away so many layers of who I’d become over the years. I’d stopped doing something that I was really good at, stopped bringing in an income, and stopped regularly interacting with the team of staff that had become my work family. It was a lot.

The easiest thing for me to do, emotionally, was to find a job. Believe me, I looked. Whilst some jobs looked appealing, there was consistently something that didn’t work for me… the money, the location, the hours, sometimes all of the above.

This was my intuition, keeping me on track. I didn’t sell my business just to get busy doing something else. I sold it to create some change for our family.

It was time to upgrade my focus. It was time to stop the discomfort and the distractions.

This realisation came just before Christmas, and since I was no longer running a business, I enjoyed holidaying with family for 5 weeks. I’d always used January as a chance to complete renovations and upgrades in my business, and to plan and deliver staff training, so it was bliss to properly switch off for an extended period of time. That holiday was probably the reset I needed, because I came home without any of the restlessness I’d been previously feeling.

Sure, there are still come slightly uncomfortable moments, like when people ask me what I do for work. I’m not actually doing nothing, I have a couple of financial projects on the go and I’m doing some admin for my husband’s business, but my answer to that question seems to sound something like “Not much”, and that feels strange after spending a decade as the Owner Director of my own business, and a decade before that managing businesses, programs and staff.

Despite it feeling strange, I wouldn’t change this choice.

D

Debbie Kemp

I’ve been present with my children every morning, and I’ve had the time to pause for any conversations they need to have. Our mornings have been much less rushed and stressful, and this has made for a relaxed mum rather than a cranky one. I’ve made it to every school pick up without stressing about whether I’ll be on time, because someone wanted a conversation with me as I was leaving the workplace. And I’ve enjoyed the kids after school activities without work conversations on the sidelines.

When I ran a business, I rarely found time for myself and I often felt like I wasn’t on top of much at home. Now I have some time for myself before the children wake up and after I drop them to school. I have time during their school day for some exercise, some work, and some chores or errands. Outside of their school day, I now have time to be present with them and with my husband.

‘Society’ might have me take on a few extra commitments, because I’m not overly busy right now. But busy is NOT

what I choose to be any more.

I often hear people chatting about work, asking “How’s work?” and responding “Busy”.

“Oh, that’s good” people often respond. And yes, busy can feel good, when we allow it to be our driver. However I assert that whilst ‘busy’ might be great for a business, that should not be confused with how it affects a person. Maybe our response should be “Oh that’s great for business, how are you going finding more people to share the extra workload?”

And maybe, busy should stop being our go to word for “I’ve had a fairly full schedule”. I certainly plan to stop using that word mindlessly, because our words do create our reality. Personally I’m going to refer to my week, or my schedule, as being full, NOT busy. Full has such a better feel, doesn’t it? It has a sense of ‘fulfilled’, and to me it feels like I’m saying I’ve had a fulfilling week. Ahhh that certainly feels better than telling myself that I’ve been busy!

I think it would be remiss of me to finish this article without acknowledging that some people may read it and think “Nice story, and good for you, but some of us have to work”. I understand this and relate. My husband and I have spent many years bettering our financial situation and we may not have been able to make this exact choice before now. We’ve worked hard and run businesses and invested our money, and we’re feeling free of financial stress. Recently, I’ve shifted my financial focus from business management to investment management, and I’ve found new ways to generate money. There are many options available these days and I’m noticing this even more so now that I have the time available to explore them!

I share this part of my story simply to shine a light on the societal construct that is busy-ness. I share it to shine a light on the people who have already chosen to be NOT busy, despite the way it can feel valued in our society. I share to shine a light on the benefits of being NOT busy, and the fact that it’s available to anyone who chooses it.

It takes change. It can feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. But there’s a lot of relief in letting go of overwhelm and a lot of magic in being more present with yourself and your family.

55 | eYs Magazine, Winter 2022