Coffee Break

Satire, games, Puzzles and More Sudoku Mirror Staff Coffee Orders

Editor: Elizabeth McLaughlin elizabeth.mclaughlin@student.fairfield.edu

Iced Mocha with Oat Milk

Iced Vanilla Latte with Oat Milk

Vanilla Cold Brew with Almond Milk

Iced Matcha Latte

Pistachio Iced Latte with Whole Milk

Iced Vanilla Latte

Iced latte with Oat Milk

Iced White Chocolate Mocha

So apparently, I was the only one who received the memo about Coffee Break replicating The Daily Show model of finding a new host to their show, so here I am trying to be as corny and misleading as possible. (Editor’s Note: Nick Silvia, if you’re reading this, you’re not being replaced, don’t worry.)

Anyways, last week, Fairfield announced and celebrated that they accepted over 6,000 students out of the more than 15,000 that applied to the university, hoping to break the record for the biggest class in history (again … as if we were going to get a Guinness record). Another thing they aim to break is the Starbucks oven, which apparently was never fixed but that’s for another article.

After sending that email, the administration also released a plan on

Triple the Fun!

By: Julian Nazario, Copy Editor, News Editor

Fizz under the username “@EduardoIsMyDean” announcing the demolition of the softball field to install 57 shipping containers as new dorms because “converting the townhouses to triples was not surprising enough” to students.

Some of my sources say that the complex will hold the name of a Hispanic priest to show how much the university cares about diversity on campus and because there are too many buildings named after Dolan and Quick. And, because some HBCUs have already used containers as dorms, Fairfield will be trademarking the phrase “the only university in the tri-state area with Airbnblooking dorms on campus.”

Also happening last week … National Week of Bragging About Having Round One for Housing and I have no problem saying that I am proud of participating in this year’s event for the first time here at Fairfield at 9:08 a.m.! For those in forced triples that were promised priority housing, thanks for believing so badly in Res Life (IYKYK).

Okay, I know that by this point you are extremely bored by my jabs about housing at Fairfield, so let’s talk about something that’s more controversial and has gotten more attention than the Res Life Instagram Live explaining that there was no such thing as “priority housing” for those who have survived living with their roommate and a rando in the thirdfloor lounge:

Well … that was me attempting to do satire and I can confirm to you that I will stay just writing (actual) news. Hasta la vista baby!

ryan.marquardt@student.fairfield.edu