Faith Life Now News Magazine - Spring 2012 by Faith Life Church

GET MENTORED in the areas of faith, family and finances

ARE YOU LONELY? Reconnect with those who matter most

IN THIS ISSUE Gary Keesee Drenda Keesee Dave Anderson

Spring 2012

FEATURES Life Revolution: Michael and Alicia’s Story The Power of Mentorship Effective Mentoring: 10 Tips for Mentoring High-Potential People Getting Started How to Find and Work with Your Mentor Letters from You Are You Lonely? Discovering Real Relationships in a Competitive World

Dear Friend, We love Spring! It’s a great time to re-evaluate your life and start fresh, to dream again. This season just shouts “new beginnings!” But the truth is that without people to rally alongside your dreams and to mentor you, it’s hard to feel the motivation and encouragement to keep going. That’s why we’re so excited about this new edition of Faith Life Now News, focused on helping you find support and mentorship for your life! We want to help you live your destiny and share what we’ve learned to strengthen your faith, family, finances, marriage, and business. The Web and social media may have changed the way we do things in business and personally, but one thing has not—the importance of a mentor. You already have a mentor whether you realize it or not. Everyone does. Just take a moment to think about who you’re looking up to. Who is helping dictate what you wear, what you buy, or what defines success for you? Jesus told us that we become just like our teachers. So, who is “teaching” you? Are they demonstrating what you want your life to look like one year, five years, and ten years from now? If not, it’s time to make some changes.

We want to help.

That’s why this issue is about mentorship. So, in addition to the same features you’re used to seeing—like “Letters from You”, a special ministry testimony, and dates for upcoming events—you’ll see articles on the “Power of Mentorship”, as well as how to find a mentor, and how to be a mentor. And, because we recognize the importance of true, godly mentorship, we also made our complete financial success mentorship program available to you at a special savings. We’d love to hear what you thought of this issue, and what your own mentorship experiences have been like. Please visit us at faithlifenow.com and share your story. As always, you can find more information about the ministry, television programs, and events at GaryKeesee.com

Drenda.com

Together, we’re winning in life!

at The Now Center, 2407 Beech Road, Johnstown, Ohio. Just minutes from Columbus.

SPECIAL GUESTS Jesse & Cathy Duplantis Friday, May 11 at 10:00am & 7:00pm

PURE FREEDOM EVENT with Dannah Gresh Thursday, May 17 at 6:30pm

RAISING UP CHAMPIONS Bob & Pam Tebow Saturday, June 2 at 6:00pm Sunday, June 3 at 9:30am, 11:30am & 3:30pm

FAITH LIFE NOW MEN’S CONFERENCE featuring John Bevere & Gary Keesee Saturday, June 23 at 10:00am & 6:00pm Sunday, June 24 at 9:30am & 11:30am

WWW.FAITHLIFENOW.COM | 1.888.391.LIFE

A LIFE REVOLUTION:

Michael and Alicia’s Story

having a tubal ligation four years prior because of difficult and premature deliveries, Alicia had prayed in faith and asked God to heal her body so that she could conceive and have a full-term baby. Three months later, to the shock of her doctors, she was pregnant. Michael and Alicia were beyond excited to have another baby, but in their current situation, they couldn’t afford the care or things necessary for a baby. “There we were, listening to testimonies about financial breakthroughs, and I was convicted,” Alicia says. “I had believed God to heal me so that I could conceive, but I didn’t have the faith to believe Him to provide the financial means necessary to care for a baby.”

In just three short years, Michael and Alicia Conover’s life together changed drastically. “I’m not sure the word “change” even justifies what we went through; it was more of a revolution,” Alicia says. Michael and Alicia had both grown up in Christian homes, went to church and believed in God, but as they got older they both fell away and started living their lives according to the world. They had each gone to college, earned their degrees, found stable jobs, married for love, and strived to live morally upright, at least according to the world’s standards. “We thought we had done everything right,” Alicia recalls. But the Conovers found themselves broke spiritually, financially, physically, and emotionally. “We had done everything we thought we were supposed to do to experience success in life, but we were still failing miserably,” Alicia says. “We believed in God, but we weren’t necessarily seeking Him.” The magnitude of their situation hit them as they sat in a session at the 2011 Provision Conference hosted by Faith Life Now. Alicia was pregnant with their fourth child when they attended the conference. “It was a miracle conception to say the least,” she says. After

After sharing their struggle with another couple, they were encouraged to listen to the Now Revolution CDs by Gary Keesee. They purchased the set and went home that night still feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. But they agreed to listen to the teachings every night after their children were in bed and to pray and believe God for an answer once they had finished listening.

“We had done everything we thought we were supposed to do to experience success in life, but we were still failing miserably.” The Conovers say hope began to spring up in them almost immediately after listening the first time. “We could see how tainted our minds had become to the world’s system of finances and thinking,” she says. Unable to sow a financial seed at that time, the Conovers sowed into their church by volunteering. Then, they prayed and asked God for increase and to get out of debt. About two weeks later, Michael’s boss walked into his office and offered him a $25,000 raise. Forty-five days later, he was offered a promotion and an additional $25,000 raise. The Conovers were very thankful for the tremendous increase, but Alicia says they made the

mistake of looking to the increase in their income as their source instead of God, and the enemy saw his opportunity to attack. Several large and unexpected expenses combined with a situation in Alicia’s pregnancy caused the Conovers to default on their mortgage. Their home went into foreclosure and was eventually sold at a sheriff’s auction. A few months later, they began to listen to the Now Revolution CDs again and their hope was restored. That Christmas, Alicia received some money as a gift. “The Lord put it on my heart to sow it as a seed at church. Michael and I prayed over the check and, for the first time in my life, I felt the anointing on a tangible item,” she says. They named it 100-fold return and almost immediately the harvest came in—a large medical bill was cancelled. A few months later, Michael also received a $32,000 bonus, and they also received a large tax return. Although they were still facing some substantial financial mountains, Michael and Alicia say their faith was abounding. “We were able to trust God and look to Him as our source,” Alicia says. “We began to sow more and more seed, and every time we would sow, there was a harvest!” Eventually, they sowed a seed for a house to rent and, when the harvest came, it exceeded their expectations. They also began to see increase in the business they owned—for the first time ever, they broke even and have been seeing increase ever since. In January of this year, they sowed a seed once again asking for increase. In February, Michael’s company

announced there would likely be no bonuses this year, and if there were bonuses, they would be small in comparison to previous years. But God had other plans. A month later, Michael’s boss came into his office and handed him a piece of paper with his bonus amount on it. He told Michael that he went to the board and asked for more money for him and they had approved it. Michael and Alicia were astonished when they saw the amount—at $47,000, it was his largest bonus ever!

“Today our needs are not only met, but we are able to bless others in ways we never thought possible!” Alicia says the good news just keeps coming. Today, they are out of debt, renting an amazing home, sowing seed, and believing God for land that is paid for in full so that they can build a house that also will be paid for in full. Soon, they’ll be taking their first vacation in over six years. “It’s hard to explain to people what life was like for us just three short years ago, or even just a year ago,” she says. “Today our needs are not only met, but we are able to bless others in ways we never thought possible!” She says the best part is knowing that God isn’t finished and greater things are still to come for their family. “Now, when we listen to the Now Revolution, it’s not because we are facing a financial mountain or battle,” she says. “It’s in preparation to stretch, and to believe for increase and for things we never thought possible! That’s our God, in all of His exceeding goodness and love!”

We want to thank our partners for helping us share the messages of faith, family, and financial restoration around the world! Partnership allows the ministries of Faith Life Now to continue spreading the life-changing message of God’s Kingdom. For more information on the benefits of becoming a partner with Gary, Drenda, and Faith Life Now, please visit FAITHLIFENOW.com and click on “Donate”.

90 Mentor: (n) an experienced and trusted adviser

by Gary Keesee

The attorney got straight to the point. “Mr. Keesee, you have just been sued for $100,000.” I could feel the blood draining from my face as he explained my options. Money was nearly non-existent as it was—all I could see was bankruptcy and losing my new home that my wife and I had just purchased. I had made a stupid mistake. I called my client and went over what had happened, acknowledged my mistake, and apologized, hoping that he would just drop the lawsuit. He didn’t drop the suit, but he offered to settle it for $5,000. Of course, I quickly accepted. This event happened almost thirty years ago when I first started in business. I knew nothing about business, so I trusted the Regional Vice President that ran the office I worked in to train me. I should have known better. In my first week of working for the insurance company, another representative had missed obtaining a signature on a life insurance application. The VP told him to trace the signature by holding the blank signature box over a signature that the client had made on another page. He then took the application and literally showed my friend how to do this by laying the application on a sunlit window and tracing the

signature onto the missing spot. In fact, this was the procedure in the office for missing signatures. When I asked the VP about this practice, he told me that since the client had actually signed the application in other spots, we weren’t doing anything wrong. He ran a very large office, made a lot of money, and I figured he knew the law more than I did, so I adopted the practice myself—until the attorney called. I found out very quickly that this practice was illegal, as my client had seen that one of the signatures on the application was not really his. Now, I know you’re thinking, ‘What an idiot!’ Yes, I was an idiot in that situation for sure, but this same story is repeated over and over again everyday. Now, I’m not referring to forging signatures. I’m talking about doing and living life as we have been shown by those we respect and submit to—our mentors.

You can change the results in your life by changing the blueprint = changing the way you think!

Thought

As a pastor now for 17 years, I can attest to the power of mentorship in people’s lives, whether positive or negative. It seems that there are so many problems that can be traced back to when people were first learning about life. In fact, the early years of a person’s life is so set in motion by the mentors he or she submits to that the Bible literally says that a person will not depart from that mold. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it. We usually read this scripture in a positive light, but if we changed the sentence to read, “Train up a child in the way he should NOT go and when he is old he will not turn from it”, I believe it would still hold true. But before I go any further, and before you find yourself discouraged as you realize you may be stuck in a mold of failure and defeat that you learned long ago, let me give you another scripture. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, His good, pleasing and perfect will.“ We can change things. We just have to renew our minds. Say I gave you a set of blueprints for a house and you decided to build it. Then, after building the house, you hated it and decided to build a new one, only you used the same plans. What would the outcome be? You would build the same house that you hated! No matter how many times you built the house with that same blueprint, you would always end up with the same dreaded result. The Bible says there is only one way to change the outcome—be transformed by renewing your mind. Change the blueprint! Change how you think! The word transformed here is the same Greek word that we get the term metamorphosis from. The best example of metamorphosis is the butterfly.

it has never seen, on a journey that has amazed the world for thousands of years. This is the same kind of transformation that God wants to bring into our lives. We must change the way we think, or we will be confined to living in the same place for the rest of our lives. You want to allow the Word of God to change your thinking, and you want to find someone who can show you what success looks like. Everyone needs a mentor!

You need to find someone who can show you what it looks like to live successfully! You need a mentor! One of my favorite examples of the power of mentorship is found in 1 Samuel 22:2. This is the story where, after David killed Goliath, hundreds of people wanted to follow David. See, David had just demonstrated a new mindset and God’s ability to perform His Word on His people’s behalf. 1 Samuel 22:2 says, “All those who were in distress or in debt or discontented gathered around him and he became their leader.” The Bible says there were about 400 men who gathered that day at the cave of Adullam. Notice they paid no attention to the lack of amenities. They just wanted a leader. They wanted someone to show them what success looked like. And, David did lead those men. The Bible records that these same men became what were known as David’s “Mighty Men of Valor” for the mighty things they did. In fact, when it came time to build the temple, those same men gave more than the equivalent of $20 billion to the project. So, these same men who were discontent, in debt, and in distress became the leaders. They became the rich and the contented. That’s the power of mentorship.

The butterfly is born as a caterpillar and is usually captive to living on one plant as it grows. It lives in a very small, limited world with no real chance for enlargement. That is, until it goes through metamorphosis—the process where the caterpillar is transformed into a new creation that can fly. The beautiful Monarch butterfly makes a journey of more than 2,000 miles to a place

You can get Gary’s complete mentorship program—the Total Financial Success Package! Get all 40 of Gary’s financial success teachings, in the order he recommends, on a custom-made USB wristband, or on 38 CDs. vPlus, hardcopies of his two financial books! Order now at 1 .888.391.L I F E, garykee see.com, or use your reply slip!

Financial Strategies You Must Know Now

Visit GaryKeesee.com for a complete listing of networks and airtimes. You can also: - Watch the program online - Read Garyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s blog - Order helpful resources - Get important Financial Alert updates from Gary.

Follow Gary Keesee on Facebook. Fixing the Money Thing is made possible by the partners of Faith Life Now.

Effective M 10 Tips for Mentoring S

five four three

Socrates mentored Plato, Plato mentored Aristotle, and Aristotle mentored Alexander the Great, who nearly conquered the world. Mentoring, when done with intent and with the right mentees, brings an incredible return of depth, leadership, and cultural reinforcement to any organization.

DON’T TRY TO BE PERFECT. Sure, you can strive toward perfection, and in the process catch excellence in key areas like character, competence, and setting an example mentees can learn from. TEACH AND MODEL BOTH CHARACTER AND COMPETENCE. Always remember that the things you do often and with excellence are what you can expect mentees to emulate in moderation, but the unproductive things you do in moderation are what you can expect mentees to emulate in excess. If you’re in a position to mentor, it’s safe to say that you have influence, and with that influence comes a responsibility to live well.

six

two one

While training and coaching are for everyone, mentoring is for the few. It’s reserved for those with the highest upward potential; those who have demonstrated that they are ready, willing and able to grow. Effective mentoring requires a deliberate plan, large investments of time and resources, and patience to work through rough spots and growing pains. But the rewards are substantial as you, the mentee, and the organization all benefit measurably from the effort invested. Here are ten tips on mentoring to help you fulfill this key leadership responsibility:

DON’T COMPROMISE. Mentoring candidates must be ready, willing, and able to grow. They must be three for three. Don’t even think about trying to mentor someone who lacks even one of these qualities. DEVELOP A UNIQUE STRATEGY. Mentoring requires a customized growth plan that fits the individual. You can’t develop mentees with a cookie-cutter strategy. Assess their current foundation of strengths and weaknesses, define what the next performance level would be for him or her, and put a plan together to close the gap.

BELIEVE IN PERSONAL GROWTH. Mentees should be placed on a personal growth program. This means that you should assign them to go through one book/audio product, etc. relevant to their growth plan. During your mentoring sessions you should discuss what they’ve learned and how they’re applying it. And, for the sake of credibility, have your own personal growth program!

REMEMBER THE FOUR-STEP PROCESS. 1. I do a task and you watch me and learn. 2. We do the task together. 3. You do the task and I watch, and then offer my feedback on how you did. 4. You do the task on your own.

Mentoring: High-Potential People nine

BE PATIENT. You’re growing a person, not a weed. It does no good to hover over someone and shout, “Grow! Grow!” Mentors develop others over time, not overnight. Mentees will make mistakes, but if you assume an approach or create an environment where failure is fatal, your people will be “dead” a lot. Use errors as teaching tools and not as battering rams.

EXPECT RESULTS. You and your organization must see a return on your investment in the form of measurable progress in reasonable time from the mentee. In fact, you should explain this expectation up front with your mentee. They must understand that their role is not simply to absorb investments of time, knowledge, and skill development, but to apply these things in order to elevate the impact they have on your organization. Explain that, as a mentor, it is acceptable to work with someone in a mentoring capacity for a period of time in accordance with his or her potential, but eventually you must decide whether or not to continue investing in them based on their performance. Frankly, unless your efforts can convert potential into performance, you are misusing personal and corporate resources.

ten

eight seven

by Dave anderson

DEVELOP MENTORS. An organization will grow exponentially when those being mentored in turn mentor others. This practice develops leaders at all levels that ultimately, and inevitably, bring your organization explosive growth!

CHECK YOUR EGO. Mentoring requires personal security. The number one obstacle to mentoring another person effectively is not a lack of time, it’s an excess of ego. If you’re reluctant to share your own failures and what you learned from them, or to give up power and discretion, you’ll fail as a mentor. At the end of the day, mentoring requires letting go. There are certain tasks, decisions, and authority you must give up in order to help someone else go up and grow up.

Dave Anderson is the president of Learn To Lead, an international sales and leadership training and consulting company. Dave has given more than 1,000 workshops and speeches in fourteen countries over the past decade on sales and leadership development. He is the author of a monthly leadership column for two national magazines, as well as twelve books, including How to Lead by The Book. Dave and his wife Rhonda are the founders of the Matthew 25:35 Foundation, whose mission is to bring food, housing, clothing, healing, and ministry to under-resourced and imprisoned people worldwide. More information about Dave can be found at learntolead.com

GETTING STARTED HOW TO FIND AND WORK WITH YOUR MENTOR

By Gary Keesee

Mentors are valuable, but how do you find one? Is it really as simple as calling someone or meeting them for lunch and asking them to mentor you? It can be. But before you make that call or head to the restaurant, there are some steps you should take:

DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT HELP WITH.

Build a wish list for your mentor. What skills and support do you need to get to the next step? Are you looking for someone to offer specific advice, or do you just need a sounding board?

LIST PEOPLE WHO MIGHT BE OPTIONS.

Keep an open mind, but make the Word of God your measurement for any mentor you desire to learn from. Think beyond colleagues, friends, and former bosses. Ask around. Talk to family members, neighbors, spiritual leaders, community leaders, or officials of professional or trade associations you belong to if they would recommend someone. Be sure to list people who have experienced both success and failure.

NARROW THE FIELD.

Who has the kind of life and work you’d like to have? Do you respect them? Do they have your values? Is their track record one you would envision for yourself? Is that person demonstrating a right picture of where you’re believing to go and what your life should look like? In Luke 6:40, Jesus tells us that a student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher. He’s pretty much telling us that we’ll become just as our teachers! We can take this powerful statement as both encouragement and as a warning: who you submit your life to, the model you are following, is where you are going. As an encouragement, this means that as

you align yourself with someone that is having success and living a godly life, you’ll be able to enjoy the same benefits if you will allow yourself to become fully trained by submitting to the discipline needed. On the other hand, if you are submitted to people who are demonstrating a dysfunctional lifestyle with damaging results, then you need to take heed and do whatever it takes to move away from that influence. Now, I’m not going to focus on the negative side of mentorship, but I do want to make sure you understand that you will never rise higher than your mentor. To rise to a new level you must find a new mentor that is already living at the level you want to go to and knows how they got there.

BE A SPONGE.

Successful people are always extremely busy. They won’t always be able to mentor you one-on-one. So soak from those who have found success in any way you can. I believe that the simplest and greatest mentorship tool you can start with is someone’s book. A book is an amazing thing. You can learn from one book what it took someone 20-30 years to learn. Listening to teaching or training material will also give you the same insight into a person’s life. Go to seminars. Watch videos. Think outside the box. Learn all you can from the individual that you are looking to for direction and training from the material they have already produced. As a busy pastor, I’ve found that people would rather have my personal attention, but they can learn plenty from me by just reading my books. You must become a student of what you want to become. With today’s media and communications, there are endless resources to help you learn the principles and methods you need to reach your goals.

JOIN THE TEAM.

When possible, the best way to learn how someone functions is to help him or her do something. Get involved. See things first hand by volunteering. Join their team! Many young people will work at McDonalds part-time to earn money. It’s not hard to tell which ones are there Continued...

just biding their time—by their attitude and the lack of concern they show for the customers. It’s obvious that they view their job as just a temporary position on the way to where they really want to be. What they fail to realize though, is that they are working in one of the most successful franchises in American business. Don’t miss the opportunities that God gives you. Work alongside someone successful and you will learn how they do what they do. Take notes on everything— how things run, how employees are hired, how staff is trained, how systems and operations function, etc.

BE ACCOUNTABLE.

We all need accountability and coaching. Always be open to correction and mentoring from those who are over you in authority. If someone has been placed over you, they must have done something right to earn that right. You can learn from them. Ask questions and be eager to go the extra mile. Invite them—really—to give you honest feedback on your performance. If they’re open to it, ask them if they would be willing to meet you on a regular basis to discuss issues that you’re facing and give their feedback. This can be done one-on-one or in a group setting. To grow, you’ll have to push yourself past discomfort, and you’ll have to change. Personal accountability can help you go farther than you thought you could. God never intended for you to do it alone.

Once you’ve established the mentorship, be sure to do your part: • Renew your mind to the Word of God. He’s your ultimate mentor. Heed the instructions and warnings that He gives you for your life. Learn how to apply godly principles and overcome negative situations based on the Word. • Apply yourself. Focus on what you’re doing and give it your best effort. • Be a giver. Don’t just take. Mentoring should be a two-way relationship. Look for ways you can reciprocate the help your mentor offers. • Say thank you. Share how they played a role in your successes. That’s what makes it worth it! • Don’t become dependent. Remember that the goal is that you’ll be able to fly on your own one day.

“Gary, can you mentor me?” I receive emails everyday from people all over the world who have questions, and would like me to mentor them. I say, “YES!” Mentoring people in the Kingdom of God is my desire and my call! Realistically, though, I can’t write you or coach you on a daily basis or through everyday decisions, but I have already recorded or written the answers that I would tell you in person. They are in my materials. Many will say, ‘I wish I was out of debt like you’, ‘I wish I had a nice home like yours’, ‘I wish I had businesses like you do’, ‘I wish I pastored a growing church like you do’, ‘I wish my church had a great building like you do,’ etc., but I have news for you—NONE OF THOSE THINGS JUST HAPPENED BY THEMSELVES! You will have to walk out the same things I did to have the same things that I have. There will be some hard moments. But it is possible if you will take the time to apply yourself. I constantly see tremendous stories and demonstration of the Kingdom of God as people learn and then apply the Kingdom principles. When I talk to them, they always tell me the same story—they took these materials and listened to them over and over again until it changed how they thought and how they talk. You can do the same thing—I dare you to try. Get Gary’s Complete Mentorship Program! See your reply slip for details and to order!

LETTERS FROM YOU

I sowed a seed of $10 to a complete stranger, as led by the Spirit. My wife and I confessed over our seed, believing for a $1,000 profit from a website job by the end of the month. About 10 days later I had received two phone calls and collected $1,150! Thanks for teaching my family and I the truth about money. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!

Now, it is tax season. I prayed over my taxes to receive the best refund possible, and to be able to pay off some more debt. When I got to my accountant, she looked over my details and she kept saying things like, “Oh, that’s not good” and “You should have had more taken out.” But I stood on what God and I had agreed on. She was convinced that I would be paying taxes this year, but I am receiving a bigger refund than I did last year! God is faithful all the time!

“

Thank you so much for sharing biblical truths about money. Your Set for Success series changed my life. I went from living in poverty physically and spiritually to owning my own business. Last year I made several thousand dollars on the side, doing something I love, and funding the Kingdom. This year God has given me the opportunity to take my business to full time.

– Carrie, Ohio

“

I sowed all the money we had put away for bills this week after listening to Money Mysteries and after seeking agreement with my husband. Within three days we had an answer to prayer, having $1,998 refunded from a situation that looked like it would be impossible to get our money back from! Thank you guys again for sharing these amazing teachings with the world!

A few weeks ago, I asked for prayer that we might be able to get a refund of $1,000 we had put down on a trip our daughter was supposed to take with her college this summer. We didn’t have peace about spending the money, or about her going to Costa Rica (but we put the money down anyway because a cross-cultural trip is required by her university as a condition of graduation). When we found out later that she could fulfill her obligation in other ways, we backed out of the trip, but were told the down payment was non-refundable. So, we committed it to the Lord, and today my daughter called to say that the college has decided to give us a full refund after all! Praise the Lord! And, thank you so much for praying!

“

– Teonie, Australia

God has done some pretty awesome things in my life. Here are two of my most recent examples: I had sown a seed regarding my car because I knew it was on its last leg, but I didn’t have the finances then to purchase a new one and I didn’t want to get further in debt to finance one. So I sowed my seed and put my faith out for a car that ran well. Just days before the brakes went out in my old car, a car was given to me free and clear, with no payments! It was a great testimony for my mom, a new Christian, to see!

– Janice, Pennsylvania

“

We had been believing God for a new job for my husband. We had taken a step of faith and moved our family early, but my husband couldn’t find work, so we were living apart for 10 months. We began to learn of your teaching and put the plan into action. We sowed a seed in faith with the name “JOB” attached to it and were specific in our requests. God answered our prayer the week after we sowed; my husband got a $13,000 raise in addition to the job!

“

– Chuck, Tennessee

– Saundra, Texas

Share YOUR story with us! Contact us at garykeesee.com and drenda.com

Are You Lonely?

Discovering Real Relationships in a Competitive World By Drenda Keesee

Post

You don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. You can have thousands of Facebook friends, and be in the company of people constantly but still not feel emotionally close or connected to anyone. That’s why people can “party” constantly and still feel lonely. Our need for intimacy can’t be satisfied by the superficial. We were created for communion—for an exchange with God and others on a much more personal level. True intimacy comes from being known and understood and knowing others on that same level, and that doesn’t come easy in a fast-paced, competitive world, where it’s hard to know who to trust or to find time to invest. Close relationships have become harder and harder to build in the midst of our super busy lifestyles.

It’s easier to “friend” someone on Facebook than to actually build a friendship, mentor others, or touch lives.

Post Loneliness doesn’t just affect women. In a time where there are so many ways to connect through social media, people are reporting feeling more lonely than ever. How is this? We have an innate need to connect with others on a human level. Posts and emails leave us feeling empty. Social media can help us keep connected with loved ones, but it can also help create fantasy relationships where we put our best on display for others to see, often avoiding face-to-face relationships where people can see our humanity, with all our faults and failures. It can also make others’ lives

look glamorous and envious in comparison to ours. Social media gives people the opportunity to build superficial acquaintances, of “friends”, by the boatload, but it actually can inhibit us from connecting on a deeper personal level with the people we have the greatest opportunity to find real depth with. It can even become an escape from face-time with family, children, and friends. Perhaps the real lure of media relationships is to avoid having to build close relationships in-person and day-to-day, with the challenges that all real relationships face. How can we build real, close, relationships that can cure feelings of loneliness? Why do we sometimes resist the very thing we need? It’s easier to “friend” someone on Facebook than to actually build a friendship, mentor others, or touch lives and be touched as we do so. Relationships require work, and that can be intimidating. We risk rejection. Self-disclosure can be risky, and it’s usually easier not to take the chance. Fears of all kinds can keep us from sharing our hearts with others or caring and deeply trusting anyone. The fear of not connecting or being rejected by someone can also cause us to put up walls, or worse yet, be competitive to prove our worthiness. But building real, valuable relationships can only happen in a non-competitive atmosphere, where no one is trying to prove they are worthy of love or have something to offer. Competition for acceptance can undermine honesty, trust, and loyalty—the stuff that all solid, satisfying relationships must have to grow. Competitive relationships just aren’t satisfying. But yet we compete.

We’ve lost our way. God created us and only He knows what will fulfill each of us and bring lasting peace and happiness to our lives. But we’ve ignored His principles and design for life and lost our way in this world. Today, we have so many breakdowns in relationships that it’s no wonder women in general are unhappy with life. According to studies, women’s overall level of happiness has dropped, both relative to where they were 40 years ago, and relative to men. We were created for relationship! When we pattern our lives after wrong models, we end up with the same negative outcomes.

Building real, valuable relationships can only happen in a non-competitive atmosphere where no one is trying to prove they are worthy of love or have something to offer.

Post My heart’s desire is to help people enjoy spiritual, emotional, and relational wholeness. We can live life the way God our Creator intended it. We just need to turn our hearts to His Word and regain the “Titus Tradition” of the spiritually older women teaching the younger how to live life, and love their husbands and their families. (Titus 2:3-5) This holds true for men as well. Women and men both need mentors. Paul mentored Timothy as a son in the faith and helped him become his best, reaching his potential in Christ. Paul had to be willing to invest into Timothy, and Timothy had to be willing to receive instruction from Paul. And, instead of competing with his spiritual elder, he submitted his heart to be trained by Paul. He didn’t resent Paul’s correction, but welcomed it with respect, acknowledging God’s plan to train him toward his destiny. Ruth told Naomi that she would follow her and that whatever she chose, she would choose. She said, “Wherever you go, I will go. Your people will be my people and your God, my God.” Both Ruth and Timothy found God’s blessing and provision because they were loyal to their mentors and were willing to serve beyond what most people would do—they went beyond the call. Continued...

STEPS FOR OVERCOMING LONELINESS

ACCEPT GOD’S LOVE FOR YOU.

Grow in self-acceptance because you know He loves and accepts you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by Him. Like

LET GOD BE THE MASTER ARCHITECT IN YOUR LIFE.

Let Him direct you to mentors and friends that can help you grow and change. Like

. Comment . Share

BE WILLING TO SUBMIT YOUR HEART.

Be open to being trained and sharpened by others in a loyal, committed exchange, accepting that God will ask you to invest in and befriend others as you have been mentored. Like Comment Share

BE FRIENDLY.

Remember the Bible tells us that to have friends, we must be friendly. Competitive jealousy, controlling or bad attitudes, gossip, pettiness, and self-centered demands are relationship killers. Like

. Comment . Share

BE FOUND FAITHFUL.

When you blow it, as we all inevitably will at some point, forgiveness and humility are the glue that will hold the relationship together. Invest in people God’s way. Free yourself from wrongful expectations and hurtful words and actions. Like

. Comment . Share

It wasn’t just about what they could take for their benefit. And, their mentors wanted the best for them. Paul exhibited honest leadership in his relationship to Timothy, and Timothy’s respect toward Paul earned him a place to be mentored. Paul’s mentorship of Timothy helped to carry the gospel to a whole new generation and took the gospel further than Paul could reach by himself. Both were the benefactors of a father/son relationship. The Bible says we have many teachers, but not many fathers (or mothers). So many today are lonely because they lack the mentorship and friendships that make this world navigable. These relationships give us someone to celebrate life with, and someone to support us in the hard times.

Mentorships and friendships...give us someone to celebrate life with, and someone to support us in the hard times.

Post We were never intended to carry the difficulties of life alone. There are those who have gone before us (mentors) and those who are walking the same path we are walking (friends), and we need them both in order

to become our best and enjoy the journey! Challenges come to every relationship, but if we choose our friends and mentors wisely and then commit to be loyal, honest, trustworthy, grateful, and faithful, God can bless our lives with the knowledge that not only can we receive His love, but we can also share it with others, and enjoy the journey together. We can do this by learning to make real friends—laugh heartily, learn truth together, live whole and love freely. When we come into God’s Kingdom, we come into a family, the family of God. This transformation should impact every relationship in our lives! You can learn how to walk in the grace or empowerment that is yours in your marriage, family, home, friendships, and life! God has answers for our connections to people. Ultimately, our greatest joys come from relationships with those we love. There is an anointing from God to enjoy relationships, and you can have tremendous joy as you are empowered to be the friend, wife, husband, father, mother, mentor, and minister that God has called you to be! Together with her husband, Gary, Drenda has raised five godly children who serve the Lord with their parents. Drenda co-pastors Faith Life Church. She understands the vulnerabilities in relationships, potential problems, and the stress of caring for others, but believes strongly that you can have success and fulfillment in friendships and mentoring others, and ultimately advancing God’s Kingdom while receiving His blessings.