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“FOR I, THE LORD, DO NOT CHANGE.” (MAL 3:6)
SHERI WOHLFERT
is a Catholic school teacher, speaker, writer and founder of
Joyful Words Ministries. Sheri blogs at www. joyfulwords.org
These words have been an anchor for me the past several weeks as change has swirled about us. Despite the uncertainty, change and disruptions we’ve faced, God has worked powerfully, and many of the changes we’ve experienced have been good ones. Eventually, things will return to what was familiar, but there are some changes I hope stick around.
Pace and Peace: Before you fill your family calendar back up, prayerfully ponder the things you’ve been fine without and carefully consider which activities you truly need to return to.
Prayer: Although we long for public Mass and the Eucharistic True Presence, living room Mass has given us the chance to be truly present in our Domestic Church. Trade continued family prayer for the rush and hustle which made these experiences difficult or scarce. The fruit of this change will be balance, and a family focused on Godly pursuits rather than worldly ones.
Simplicity: Conversation and connection while sharing family meals, games and movies should continue to be a regular thing. It may have felt like we stepped back in time, but the blessings from that giant step backward have brought laughter, joy and an appreciation for those closest to us. We don’t need more places and things, we need more time to love our families.
Gratitude: We developed and expressed our gratitude for health care and essential workers. Through their example, we saw the service Jesus taught as he washed the apostles’ feet at the Last Supper. We need to remain aware of and grateful for those who serve others, and be inspired to serve others more ourselves.
Empathy: Our hearts have been touched by the isolation, loneliness and hardship this time has caused many. We should continue to recognize those who need our prayers and our help, and work as a family to help those who struggle and suffer.
Relationships: We’ve been reminded that people are more important than stuff. Father Mike Schmitz, from the Diocese of Duluth and a frequent presenter on Ascension Presents videos, says that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so when we are able to socialize again, choose the relationships that you invest in wisely.
How can I find happiness in this unhappy time?
Jim Berlucchi, our Work Life columnist, offers specific suggestions on how to find happiness and “be not anxious” during these difficult times.
For starters, don’t let the doomsayers fill your mind. A recent magazine cover proclaimed: Age of Anxiety. Apparently the editors had not consulted the One who said: “Be not anxious about your life.” And he knew something about anxiety and pandemics as well. He was the Lamb who wiped out the ultimate pandemic, the sin of the world.
Nonetheless we have trials. So what to do?
Put on COURAGE. Courage is not mostly a heroic act. It’s mostly endurance — getting through any difficulty. Any adversity you’ve endured has left some deposit of courage. So bring to mind (courage is a habit of the mind) all the hundreds of small and larger challenges you’ve overcome in life. Then say to yourself, “I’ve made it this far, and I’ll keep on making it.” Keep saying it until it sticks. You’re not making something up. You’re drawing on what’s already there and putting it on. Put on courage.
Put on CONFIDENCE. St. Thomas notes that confidence is a subset of courage. It’s from the Latin word confidential, which translates con (with) plus fides (faith). Confidence is a form of faith — faith in yourself, faith in the future, faith in God. Divine faith is the victory that overcomes the world. Put on confidence.
CONTEMPLATE. This isn’t just for monks. Contemplation is simply focusing on something beautiful, and finding God in so doing. Our senses are the portals. So gaze at whatever moves you — a sunset, the face of a child, a landscape. Be starstruck with a moonlit night. Listen to music or poetry that uplifts or energizes you. Take some time every day to contemplate.
Courage, Confidence, Contemplation. A triple threat against unhappiness. And just in case, three more C’s, all solidly Catholic, can’t hurt — Chocolate, Corndogs and Cheetos.
T. GENNARA
JIM BERLUCCHI
is co-founder of the Spitzer Center for Visionary Leadership.
Dear Father Joe, What does it actually mean to love my enemies? How do I do that?
As hard as we try to be virtuous, just and kind, we may be surprised to find that people consider us an enemy. There are people walking around right now carrying hurt in their hearts over something we have said or done; the moment we forget that, we can get ourselves in some trouble. I have taken time in prayer to thank God for the people I have hurt who have forgiven me
I’m so glad you asked this question; it’s one that is always timely, in my opinion. So, let’s get right to it.
First, let’s look at who our enemies are.
Not everyone who disagrees with you is your enemy. Not everyone who believes something different than you is your enemy. Not everyone who doesn’t like you is your enemy.
I worry at times that we’ve become so wrapped up in our opinions and ideas that we’ve come to tie them to our identity. When this happens, any time someone disagrees with us, we get wildly angry because we’ve lost track of the fact that they are disagreeing with us, not attacking our value or worth.
I also tend to worry that we’ve allowed ourselves to become very useful tools of political parties. Politicians spend a lot of time and money fighting each other and trying to get us to fight for them. They convince us that “the other people” are the enemy. I have friends whom I completely disagree with on politics and I believe with all my heart that they love our country and want it to be a better place: We simply disagree on how it should be accomplished. I urge us all to take some time and consider whether we let people who don’t care about us convince us to hate those who do.
An enemy is someone who wishes to harm us. An enemy is someone who doesn’t care about or honor our God-given dignity. An enemy is someone who acts intentionally against us.
So, we have a sense of who our enemies are, let’s get into ideas and actions that will help us love them.
To love our enemies does not mean we are their friends. It does not mean that we are to continue to put ourselves in a position to get hurt. That’s important to remember. Forgiveness does not necessarily involve reconciliation with the party who has wounded us. Forgiveness requires you and God; reconciliation with the person requires them, God and you. without me even knowing.
In his book, The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis wrote, “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.” When we are called to love our enemies, we need to put aside the idea that this love is somehow tied to our feelings. Our feelings are feral things — they come and they go and we have little control over them. For the most part, we can’t “make” ourselves feel anything. Instead of going by whether we feel love for our enemies, we need to focus on what we do.
To love our enemies, we simply have to be praying for them. We should pray that
God heals whatever is broken in them and that he draws them closer to himself. We should pray that God forgives them and helps us to forgive them as well.
We need to do what is good when it comes to those who are our enemies. In other words, we need to avoid acts of vengeance or behavior that would harm them.
This can be tough — so again, pray hard for the strength to do the good.
If our enemy is someone whose presence is bad for us — for example, someone whose behavior is abusive — we do not need to spend time with them. Forgiveness is not reconciliation; love is not necessarily relationship. We pray for them and leave their brokenness to God to heal.
Remember most of all, that your enemy is also a beloved child of God and only God can see him or her clearly. In the same way, God sees you perfectly — faults and all — and still loves you unconditionally. Don’t forget that unconditional love is freely given to your enemy as well.
When it comes down to it, even your enemy is your brother or sister in Christ. So pray for them, and wish them well.
Enjoy another day in God’s presence!
IN THE KNOW WITH FATHER JOE FATHER JOE KRUPP
is a former comedy writer who is now a Catholic priest. @Joeinblack T. Gennara A
DEAR FATHER JOE: How much do I have to love my enemies?
RECONNECTIONS Making this ‘bonus time’ with adult children count
BY PAT MISH
Managing Editor FAITH Grand Rapids
It seems like only yesterday that many of us said a bittersweet goodbye to our adult children as they headed off to college, trade school or a first “real” job. Like any new chapter, it brought mixed emotions: For parents, perhaps grief, pride and relief; for young adults, a sense of exhilaration tinged with fears and hopes. That was fall. In this springtime of COVID-19, many have come home. After a lifetime of preparing to leave the nest, their return has been jarringly sudden: Campuses closed. Workers furloughed or laid off. Construction and building halted.
Again, mixed emotions: Most of our kids would rather be at college or work, seeing friends and, well, actually leaving the house. They have had to cope with the challenges of online classes or working remotely, and a loss of hard-earned independence.
Even we parents who secretly rejoiced at this unexpected turn of events may ask ourselves: “Do they think the dishes put themselves away?” “Why is our food budget twice as high as the mortgage payment?”
But if we parents look past the driveway that looks like a usedcar lot and the crumbs on the counter, and our kids can forgive us for occasionally forgetting they are no longer 12 and failing to buy enough potato chips, we can find new ways to connect with one another during this unplanned together time.
Indeed, this “bonus time” together offers many opportunities to reconnect and make lasting memories:
Cooking and eating together. My adult son, always a cooking show fan, treated us to his trademark homemade meatballs. Baking bread, trying new recipes or even just washing the dishes can be good opportunities to laugh, talk and be together.
Sunday outings. Take a walk in the park, participate in a virtual 5K or dust off the bikes and hit the trails. Variations on that theme: visit a cemetery and share stories about deceased family members; support local restaurants by grabbing takeout and having a picnic; try something new like ultimate Frisbee or disc golf.
Movie nights. Dig out the old family VHS tapes and have a “watch party,” before sending them in to get them transferred to DVD or another format. Spring for a new release (if you can agree on a film!).
Find ways to help others. Sew masks together, choose a charity to contribute to, expand a bit on grace before dinner to give thanks and pray for family members and friends who are ill or facing unemployment because of the coronavirus.
As state economies gradually reopen and colleges develop strategies for safe starts in the fall, we have reason to hope that these days of sheltering in place are only temporary. Just as those first 18 years went by “in the blink of an eye,” so will these weeks and months. Let’s make them count!
iStock/Marco Campagna
Pope Francis’ prayer for newly reunited families: “May the Lord
