Families Oxfordshire May June 24

Dear Reader,

With children’s mental health reaching crisis point, in this issue we have included features to help us, as parents and carers, to form good relationships with our children in the hope that this will help with any mental health struggles they may have. Longer days and sunny weekends make it easier to get outside as a family. Latest statistics show that family time is key to a healthy mind, so why not plan a day out; with plenty of inspiration in our ‘What’s On’ pages.

4. News & Views

7. Baby News 8. What's On

Wise words!

@FamiliesOxonMag

facebook.com/familieseastoxfordshiremag

A child is like a butterfly in the wind. Some can fly higher than others, but each one flies the best it can. Why compare one against the other? Each one is different, each one is special, each one is beautiful. Unknown

A FAMILY TICKET TO BLENHEIM PALACE AND GAIN FREE ACCESS TO SOME POPULAR EVENTS AND EXHIBITIONS INCLUDING THE BLOCKBUSTER EXHIBITION ICONS OF BRITISH FASHION (23RD

MARCH - 30TH JUNE 2024).

The UNESCO World Heritage Site is celebrating fashion from the past through to the present day, featuring bespoke designs and loans from huge names in the fashion world, including: Barbour, Bruce Oldfield, Jean Muir, Lulu Guinness, Stella McCartney, Stephen Jones Millinery for Christian Dior, Temperley London, Terry de Havilland, Turnbull & Asser, Vivienne Westwood, Zandra Rhodes.

Adventure Play is a series of immersive interconnecting zones with secret chambers, clamber nets, tunnels, slides, and giant carrots! It celebrates the rich heritage of the 18th century baroque Palace, inspired by real-life features including the lakeside Boat House and Hensington Gateway. Blenheim Palace has a jam-packed programme of events and activities with something for everyone – from history buffs and nature lovers, to young adventurers and fitness junkies. www.blenheimpalace.com/

To be in with a chance of winning, please visit our Facebook page @ familieseastoxfordshiremag and like and share our competition post. Good luck.

11. Parenting For Your Child’s Mental Health

12. Nurturing Emotional Intelligence Through Play

13. Spotting The Signs Of Mental Health Issues

14. Clubs & Classes

EDITOR: Lisa Exell 01945 861336 editor@familiesOxfordshire.co.uk

ASSISTANT EDITOR: Amanda Dawson, admin@familiescambridgeshire.co.uk

SOCIAL MEDIA: Amanda Dawson, admin@familiescambridgeshire.co.uk

DESIGN: Caroline Thompson-Heap, caroline@thompson-heap.com

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Families Oxfordshire is part of Families Print Ltd, a franchise company. All franchised magazines in the group are independently owned and operated under licence. Families is a registered trademark of LCMB Ltd, Remenham House, Regatta Place, Marlow Road, Bourne End, Bucks SL8 5TD. The contents of Families Cambridgeshire are fully protected by copyright and none of the editorial or photographic matter may be reproduced in any form without prior consent of Families Cambridgeshire. Every care is taken in the preparation of this magazine, but Families Cambridgeshire its distributors, the franchise company, Families Print Ltd, and LCMB Ltd cannot be held responsible for the claims of advertisers nor for the accuracy of the contents, or any consequence thereof.

Is your young person lacking motivation or struggling to find balance in their life?

As a seasoned wellbeing coach with a robust background in mental health nursing, I specialise in guiding young individuals towards holistic mental health and wellbeing. Through personalised coaching sessions, I empower them to overcome challenges, build resilience, and thrive in today’s fast-paced world. Whether it’s navigating academic pressures, managing stress, or fostering self-esteem, my tailored approach ensures your child receives the support they need to flourish.

Join me in nurturing a generation of resilient, confident, and emotionally intelligent young minds. Contact me today to learn more about how my coaching services can benefit your child, school, or organisation.

Let’s embark on this journey of growth and fulfillment together!

Email: eandpcoaching@gmail.com

Tel: 07932 876 187 www.eandpcoaching.com

Wear it Green Day for Mental Health

Organise a Wear it Green Day in your school, workplace or community and help to raise vital funds and awareness for mental health. By going green, you can support us in carrying out vital research and delivering programmes for different communities. We have all the resources you'll need to run your event, whether you’re holding a quiz at work, baking some treats for your family or holding a scavenger hunt at your school.

Join us for Wear It Green Day on Thursday 16th May during Mental Health Awareness Week (13th-19th May) – and let’s turn the world green for good mental health! If you can’t take part on this day, don’t worry, you can hold your Wear it Green Day at any time of the year. www.mentalhealth.org.uk

NAVIGATING THE 'BIG LITTLE LEAP' TO SCHOOL

No matter how well children are prepared for school, their transition to the classroom during the first few months plays a key role in their success, a new study suggests.

Researchers found that children who made a more successful transition in the first ten to fourteen weeks of school scored higher than others on tests of academic and socialbehavioural skills at the end of the school year.

Important parts of the transition -- what the researchers called a ‘big little leap’ -included making new friends, learning to work with others and adapting to new academic demands.

And a crucial finding was that this transition was important for all children.

‘Transition difficulties hurt children's development, regardless of the initial readiness skills that they entered with,’ said Jing Sun, lead author of the study from Ohio State University.

More info: www.bit.ly/BigLittleLeap

Join in during Walk to School Week

A generation ago, seventy percent of us walked to school – now it’s less than half. So Walk to School Week was started to encourage more kids to get out of the car and walk to school.

Walk to School Week is held from 20 to 24 May and is organised by the UK charity Living Streets to celebrate the health and wellbeing benefits of walking.

Families will be encouraged to walk, cycle, scoot or Park and Stride to see the big differences that can come from small steps - from healthier and happier children who arrive refreshed, fit and ready to learn - to less congestion and fewer cars outside the school gates.

Download the Family Walk to School Kit, designed to help parents, carers and children make the walk to school work for them, by visiting www.livingstreets.org.uk/walk-to-school

Family fun with National Children’s Gardening Week

This summer, why not get involved in National Children’s Gardening week?

Taking place from 25th May to 2nd June, in the 'warm' half term at the end of May, means that pretty much throughout the UK children can plant all their favourite plants with less fear of weather damage or the need for complicated protective growing.

As well as simply good outdoor fun, gardening has been shown to have many benefits to health and wellbeing including being more physically active and feeling happier and more connected with the natural world.

There are many ways to get involved with National Children’s Gardening Week from DIY activities at home, to attending an event at a local garden centre.

More info: www.childrensgardeningweek. co.uk

MEET THE HEAD, d’Overbroeck’s Years 7-11

Join Nick Haines and his leadership team for tea and cake on Thursday 6th June, to hear about future plans and his vision for the school.

Sign up at doverbroecks.com/visit

Open Farm Sunday

Open Farm Sunday on 9th June provides a unique opportunity for families to explore real working farms and learn more about the countryside.

Managed by LEAF (Linking Environment

And Farming), this annual event allows families and individuals to witness daily farm activities, engage with passionate farmers and learn about sustainable practices.

Visitors can enjoy tractor-trailer rides, farm tours, nature trails, bug hunts, and even shop at farmers’ markets. The event bridges the gap between consumers and farmers, emphasising the importance of British agriculture.

It’s an educational, community-focused day that celebrates the hard work behind our food production and offers free access to farm experiences.

To find a farm opening their gates near you, visit www.farmsunday.org

NHS to open new specialist clinics for obese children

Thousands more children and young people who are severely obese will receive intensive support from the NHS, with ten new specialist clinics set to open across England.

The new services will launch this year, bringing the total to thirty clinics able to provide expert help to children and their families which can prevent long term conditions including Type 2 diabetes.

Around three thousand obese children and young people aged between 2 and 18, will receive help to lose weight, treatment for complications as well as tailored care packages developed with their family, which could include diet plans, mental health care and coaching.

‘Obesity can lead to a string of serious illnesses such as cancer and diabetes – bringing a terrible human cost, and also a real pressure on the NHS’ according to NHS Chief Executive Amanda Pritchard.

More info: www.england.nhs.uk

RISE IN MEASLES CASES PROMPTS VACCINATION CAMPAIGN

A national campaign to boost uptake of a vaccine that protects against measles has been launched in England after a rise in cases of the potentially deadly disease.

Measles outbreaks have occurred around the country, including in London, with the West Midlands experiencing cases at their highest level since the mid-1990s.

The situation has led the UK Health Security Agency (UKHSA) to declare a national incident, with health experts warning further outbreaks could occur in other towns and cities unless uptake of the measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) vaccine increases.

Figures from NHS England suggest more than 3.4 million children under the age of 16 years are unprotected against this trio of serious and preventable diseases.

The new campaign will encourage children who have not had MMR vaccinations to receive their missed doses.

More info: https://bit.ly/ NHSMeasles

JOIN PERFORM FOR FAIRYTALE MAGIC OR AN INTERGALACTIC ADVENTURE THIS SUMMER!

Perform’s confidence-building summer term classes are off to a flying start and there’s no better time for your child to try a class. Packed with self-esteem boosting activities,these weekly classes are the best fun of the week for every type of child. They help reticent children develop confidence in their abilities and provide an outlet for energetic children to sing, dance and make friends. The curriculum is focused on building the 4Cs- confidence, communication, concentration and coordinationusing drama games, improvisation, role-play, catchy songs and funky dances. This summer term, 4-7s are entering the Fairytale Forest for an adventure based on favourite well-known stories. 7-12s are blasting off on a journey with Robinson Crusoe where he gets stranded in space! Every child is welcome to try a free class, and with venues in Abingdon, Bicester, Didcot, Oxford and Wallingford, there’s sure to be a class near you!

Visit www.perform.org.uk/try

Become secret agents for a thrilling birthday party

Time to organise the most exciting kids’ party ever - in an easy way? Look no further! With Spy:Co’s unique spy-themed or timetravel parties, the children are in for a fantastic adventure with a guaranteed WOW-factor! Choose from thrilling Spy Missions and watch as the kids become secret agents, ready to take on daring missions that will test their wits and teamwork. From cracking codes to solving mysteries, each mission promises heart-pounding excitement! Or maybe you prefer an exciting Time-travel Mission? Hold on to your laurel wreath and prepare for an epic journey through time. Travel back over 2000 years and solve a thrilling mission set in ancient Rome!

Spy:Co offers a top-rated kids’ birthday party that combines fun, engagement, and learning. The hunt for clues and tricky challenges will make kids love working together and develop problem-solving skills. Spy:Co delivers a high-quality party concept, ensuring that every aspect of the party is covered, from the carefully crafted missions to decoration ideas and healthy kids party recipes! It will turn you into a party pro in no time! Plus, it’s self-hosted, so whether indoors or outdoors, it’s incredibly flexible and adaptable to your needs! Suitable for two age groups: 6-9 and 9-11. www.spyparty.co.uk

WhatsApp campaign to ban smartphones goes viral

More than four thousand parents have joined a group committed to barring pre-teen children from having smartphones, as concerns grow about online safety and the harmful impact of social media on mental health.

The WhatsApp group Smartphone Free Childhood was created by the former school friends Clare Fernyhough and Daisy Greenwell in response to their fears around children’s smartphone use and the ‘norm’ of giving children smart devices when they go to secondary school.

Ofcom research found that ninety one percent of children in the UK own a smartphone by age 11 and forty four percent by age 9.

What they expected to be a small group of friends who help ‘empower each other’ has turned into a nationwide campaign after the group reached the 1,000-person capacity within twenty four hours. It has now been converted into a community and has over 4,500 members. More info: www.smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk

Boost garden butterfly numbers by up to 93%

Letting parts of your garden grow wild with long grass can increase butterfly numbers by up to 93% and attract a wider range of species, according to new research from leading wildlife charity Butterfly Conservation.

Undertaken by Butterfly Conservation scientists Dr Lisbeth Hordley and Dr Richard Fox, the research analysed butterfly sightings from more than 600 gardens across the UK, collected by members of the public over six years through the charity's Garden Butterfly Survey. The results show that gardens with long grass had a significantly higher number of butterflies recorded, with a greater variety of species, than those without.

To create your own Wild Space visit www.wild-spaces.co.uk

New parent meal bundle

When you have your hands full – literally – planning your supper can be the last thing on your mind, let alone finding the time to cook it. Committed to convenience without compromise, awardwinning pre-prepared frozen meal brand, FieldGoods, is launching a brand-new gifting bundle designed for new parents, packed with nourishing dishes for two that can be cooked and on the dinner table in as little as ten minutes.

The new parent gift bundle makes an ideal present to gift new sleep-deprived, frazzled parents, allowing them to unwind and enjoy nutritious, handcrafted meals with no prep required. In support of Tommy’s, the UK’s leading charity funding research into pregnancy complications and baby loss, FieldGoods will be donating 10% of each new parent gift bundle sale to aid researchers, doctors and midwives dedicated to saving babies lives.

Each new parent bundle will contain six twoperson portions. Expect comforting classic dishes such as a slow-cooked Pork and Fennel Ragu with juicy Italian tomatoes, red wine and a hint of chilli; Chicken and Leek Pie with buttery sautéed leeks and creamy mushroom and tarragon sauce; and a tender Lamb and Apricot Tagine, cooked with juicy apricots, plum tomatoes and a heady mix of spices. Want to add a little extra? Add on side dishes and desserts such as Miso Butter Hispi Cabbage and Sticky Toffee Pudding at check out.

The perfect practical present for parents navigating the trials and tribulations of a new-born, the gift bundle retails at £72 or gift cards are available to purchase at any value. Order online for free next day delivery throughout mainland Britain from www.fieldgoods.co.uk.

The Montessori inspired playshelf

Transform your home with The Playshelf by Lovevery. Crafted from sleek birchwood, this 2-in-1 storage solution eliminates clutter and promotes a curated, Montessoriinspired play experience. With the Playshelf, you can effortlessly rotate toys to create a serene environment where your child can focus and explore.

The Playshelf has a soft-close technology to protect your child’s fingers so they can take charge of their learning journey and thrive in a space that fosters curiosity and respect. Wooden Trays & Felt Baskets (£45) are sold separately as an add-on to The Playshelf. Playshelf RRP £390, www.lovevery.co.uk

Sweet Dreams

Sweet Dreamers, the multi-award-winning brand behind Ewan the Dream Sheep, is thrilled to be unveiling a wider size range into its ever growing collection of sleep essentials.

Ideal for babies from birth up to the age of 2 years; The Sweet Dreamers Sleeping Bag has plenty of room for growth with popper openings at the sleeve and a clever two-way zip, to limit any disturbances during any night-time nappy changes.

Made from a super soft fabric, the sleeping bags are ideal for delicate skin, keeping things breathable and comfortable too. Coming in two colour options, Grey and Pink, the sleeping bag also takes little ones through each season, with a 1.0 tog soft stretchy bamboo fabric for the upcoming summer months, and 2.5 tog organic cotton for use all year round.

RRP: From £34.99 | Stockist: Sweet Dreamers

What’s On

Things

to do, places to go and fun to be had

for kids of all ages in

Oxfordshire

Family Days

WHEN: Saturdays in May & June

WHERE: Science Oxford Centre, Headington

Explore, discover and play in the Exploration Zone, where children and grown-ups alike have fun experimenting with interactive exhibits – create and test flying designs at the Air Table, build a giant magnetic ball run, and see what’s hot and what’s not with the Curious Camera. Experiment at the Live Lab with hands-on activities. From £7.50 www.scienceoxford.com/events 01865 810000

Family Fun

WHEN May and June

WHERE: Cogges Manor Farm

Explore the grounds and say hello to the animals - goats, ponies, Cotswold sheep, chickens and rabbits – For May half term, look out for children’s activities, baking on the range & storytelling (selected dates only)

Prices from £6.00 under 3’s go free. www.cogges.org.uk

Discovery Days

WHERE: Didcot Railway WHEN: May and June

Adventure Play

WHERE: Blenheim Palace

WHEN: May and June

Blenheim Palace Adventure Play is a hidden world of adventure, where mini explorers of all ages create their own exciting stories as they clamber, climb, paddle, slide, splash and zip through the exciting zones. Explore the amazing network of tunnels, bridges, cargo nets and hidden chambers. Prices from £11.50 www.blenheimpalace.com

National Mills Weekend

WHEN: 11th - 12th May

Many wind and water mills across the region are open with events and activities also taking place. Refreshments often served. www.spab.org.uk/mills/nationalmills-weekend

Where’s Mrs Ladybird

WHERE: Cornerstone Arts

WHEN: 12th May

Nature Club – World Bee Day, Ages 5 – 9

WHERE: Science Oxford Centre

WHEN: 18th May, 10.00 – 11.30, 12.30 – 14.00 and 15.00 – 16.30

A ‘hive’ of activities to learn about biodiversity and celebrate bees. Play fun bee games to learn about nature’s ecosystem, investigate plants and pollinators out in the meadow, roll your own Bee-autiful beeswax candle to take home plus much more.

www.scienceoxford.com 01865 810000

Nature Tots

WHERE: Environmental Education Centre, Sutton Courtenay

WHEN: 22nd - 25th May, 9:30 - 11:00

Join friendly Nature Tots staff and volunteers to explore the nature reserves and enjoy wildlife themed activities suitable for children aged 18 months to 4 years. £7.00 (90 minutes) www.bbowt.org.uk/events/

Family Night Safari

Family fun

WHERE: Greys Court, Henley

WHEN: May and June

You will find a children’s play area nestled in the woodland. Close to the tea-room and toilets, and benches to sit on while you watch the little ones play.

Entry from £6.50 www.nationaltrust.org.uk

Giffords Circus

WHERE: Blenheim Palace

A live hide and seek story for tiny people to share with their grownups. We’re looking for Mrs Ladybird and you can come too, as all our insect friends play peeka-boo with you. Prices from £9 Ages 0+ www.cornerstone-arts.org

Explore this 21-acre living museum and unearth almost two centuries of railway history. Trains will not be running, meaning there’s the chance to get up close and see them at close quarters, then why not visit the play area. Under 3’s go free, prices from £7.50 www.Didcotrailwaycentre.org.uk

Steam Days

WHERE: Didcot Railway WHEN: May and June

Travel back in time to the golden age of the Great Western Railway and savour the sights, sounds and smells of steam as you explore this 21-acre living museum with trains dating from Victorian times to the 1960s. Steam trains will be operating on at least one of the Centre’s two demonstration lines, allowing you to take unlimited rides. Under 3’s go free, prices from £7.50 www.Didcotrailwaycentre.org.uk

WHERE: Environmental Education Centre, Sutton Courtenay

WHEN: 24th May, 7:30 - 22:00 Environmental Education Centre Learn to use bat detectors to hear bats hunting overhead and lamps to spot newts and frogs in the ponds, help our nature reserve team check the small mammal traps and have a look at the moth trap. www.bbowt.org.uk/events

WHEN: 23rd May- 3rd June The village green circus travels the lengths of the UK to bring you a magical show bursting with excitement. The circus, described as a national treasure in the UK, is renowned for producing a show worthy of London’s West End but in the green fields of the Cotswolds and beyond.

Prices from £10 www.blenheimpalace.com

Food Festival

WHERE: Blenheim Palace

WHEN: 25th - 27th May

A gastronomic weekend for great food and drink with a host of top chefs and producers. Sample delicious products from artisan bakers, craft brewers and international cuisine, plus treat yourself to some irresistible handmade sweets and ice cream. www.blenheimpalace.com

Gnometastic

WHERE: Waterperry Gardens

WHEN: 25th May - 2nd June, 10.00 - 17.30

Half term fun at Waterperry Gardens. Help the gnomes in the gardens who have forgotten their names. Find all eight gnomes (and their names). Children must be accompanied by an adult.

£3.95 per child with a prize (entrance charges apply for adults)

www.waterperrygardens.co.uk 01844 339254

The Bubble Show

WHERE: Cornerstone Arts

WHEN: 31st May 14:00

The Bubble Show is a unique blend of magic, storytelling, science and bubble art!

Enjoy bouncy bubbles, bubbles inside bubbles, smoke bubbles, square bubbles, giant bubbles, and even fire bubbles.

Prices from £10 Ages 3 + www.cornerstone-arts.org

Play the World

WHERE: Pegasus Theatre

WHEN: 7th June 10:00

Join Emma Boor and a host of puppet friends in creative, immersive play exploring a different story each session, packed with fun and engaging ways for you and your little one to play imaginatively and creatively with simple, everyday objects. Prices from £5 www.Pegasustheatre.org.uk

Jemima Puddle Duck

WHERE: Waterperry Gardens

WHEN: 8th June, 17:00 - 18:30

Prevented from hatching her eggs at the farm, foolish Jemima goes in search of a nesting place in the forest and soon she meets a charming ‘gentleman’ who offers her the perfect nesting place in his wood-shed. From £11 www.waterperrygardens.co.uk 01844 339254

LEAF Open Farm Sunday

WHEN: 9th June

Find out more about where food comes from, talk to the farmers and get up close and personal with the countryside. Check ‘farmsunday’ website to find out more. FREE www.farmsunday.org

The Selfish Giant

WHERE: Cornerstone Arts WHEN: 9th June 14:00

Inspired by the touching children’s story ‘The Selfish Giant’ by Oscar Wilde, Bristol’s two leading family theatre experts are combining forces to explore an unusual friendship, and how even the grumpiest giant’s heart can melt when Spring finally comes.

Prices from £10 Ages 3 + www.cornerstone-arts.org

THE COGGES SUMMER FETE

WHERE: Cogges Manor Farm

WHEN: 16th June

Lots of fun to be had with Splat the Rat, Hook A Duck, Coconut Shy, Egg & Spoon and sack racing – try and beat the legendary Human Fruit Machine! Stop off at the Cogges Kitchen café for lunch, a cuppa and cake. Prices from £6.00 under 3’s go free

Boxes

WHERE: Pegasus Theatre

WHEN: 14th June 9:45

A sensory show developed for under threes about what our imaginations conjure when we look inside a simple cardboard box. Discover the magic when we lift the lid… encounter hidden lands. Prices from £8 www.Pegasustheatre.org.uk

Weekly Groups for Babies and Toddlers

WHEN: Tuesdays to Thursdays

WHERE: Wigod Way Wallingford Family Centre

Includes a toddler group inspired by the outdoors on Tuesdays, Baby Babble group on Wednesday mornings and a family session that’s all about play on Thursdays. FREE www.wallingfordfamilycentre. com 01491 832940

Summer Solstice Family Picnic and Campfire

WHERE: Sutton Courtenay

Education Centre

WHEN: 20th June 17:00-19:00

It’s the longest day of the year! Celebrate with a wild picnic, campfire, toasted marshmallows, stories and songs. Suitable for all ages – children must be accompanied at all times. £8 per head. Booking essential. www.bbowt.org.uk/events

The Wizard of Oz

WHERE: Cornerstone Arts

WHEN: 28th June

Step In Time Theatre Company

Presents The Wizard of Oz youth edition. Prices from £8.50 Ages 3 + www.cornerstone-arts.org

Please mention Families Oxfordshire

Adventure

Spring Fair 11 May

Celebrating farming & the

Family Fun on the Farm

May half term 25 May - 2 June

Children’s holiday activities

Summer Fête 16 June

Family fun for Father’s Day

Exploration

Parenting for your Children’s Mental Health

There is no way to guarantee perfect mental health for your children. But there’s a lot you can do, and be, to help.

Firstly, parents need to show warmth, acceptance and understanding. They need to be available physically and emotionally. They must be able to love, trust, respect and they need to know how to soothe, play and be generous with their attention and time. They need to love and to have boundaries.

We have these qualities already: the trouble is, other things can get in the way. Things like childcare, money, school, work, tiredness, lack of time and busy-ness … and this is not an exhaustive list. But what gets in the way more than any of this is what was given to us when we were babies and children. If we don’t look at how we were brought up and the affect it has had on us, it can come back to bite us. Remember when you last remarked something along the lines of: “I opened my mouth and my mother’s words came out?”

Think back to your childhood: were you

ever made to feel ‘bad,’ in the wrong, or even responsible for your parents’ bad moods? If this happened to you, it is all too easy to try to repair your feeling of being wrong by making someone else feel wrong. The victims of this can be our children. So, we also need to be humble, flexible and admit to our kids when we’ve slipped up. We want them to know how and when to apologise, and not to hold on to being right when they have been mistaken. The only way to really teach our children this, is to show it. Luckily, we make mistakes ourselves, so all have plenty of opportunities to model this. I never realised I was modelling every time I said ‘sorry’ to my daughter. I didn’t realise she was learning to do this herself until one day, aged about 4, she said to me: “Sorry I was grumpy in the car, I was hungry, I’m alright now.”’ I said something like: “That’s okay.” But inside I was: ‘Wow!’

Mental Health Awareness Week

13-19 May 2024

Another quality we need is optimism. Optimism that our children will pick up all the skills we model that everyone needs to get along: flexibility, problem-solving skills, tolerance for frustration and empathy. We all do better when someone we respect believes in us.

Good relationships with our children depend so much on being a good listener and observer. So often we only see and hear what we want to. Or sometimes we think we’ve heard but immediately interpret what they’ve said as an attack. For example, your child might say to you: “We never go out” when

By Philippa Perry

just last week you’ve taken them to a theme park. You might want to explode with: “How can you say that, we went to Legoland last week?” This would probably lead to an argument. If instead you listened to the feelings under those words and said: “You sound bored and fed up. What would you like to do?” and then they’d say something like: “I want to go back to Legoland again.” You could then have a moment of connection and say: “Yeah that was fun”.

When we really listen to our children, we will hear that for a lot of the time, they don’t want us to fix them, they want us to understand them. They want to be felt with, not dealt with. If our children can feel heard, understood and seen, and especially if parents can help them put their feelings into words, they will be able to confide in you rather than hide from you.

More than anything what our children need from us is our loving attention; to be taken seriously and understood. Being seen is a good defence against being driven crazy. More than anything we need to remember that children are not projects - something we get right or ruin, or chores to get through, but people to relate to.

“It is a joy to be hidden, and disaster not to be found.” Donald Winnacott Philippa Perry is the author of The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did), published by Penguin Life.

Nurturing emotional intelligence through play

When my daughter was in her first year at nursery her favourite game was pretending to say goodbye to me. ‘Bye Mama, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you later.’ ‘Oh no! You’re not going...’ I’d say after her, ‘I don’t want you to go!’ The more I sighed ‘Don’t go,’ the more she’d giggle and run off. Thus reassured, we were ready for our day. These little moments of play helped my daughter process her separation from me at nursery from a space of safety and connection.

For a child, life can be full of emotional demands; from the strains of separation from you, to new friendships, periods of uncertainty and family changes. As a parent and psychologist, one of the most effective and fun ways I have found to help children navigate experiences and the difficult emotions that come with these is through this process of play. Simple, giggly, repetitive play helps children develop a resilience and familiarity with situations which can dispel tension and anxiety.

So how does play work?

Play is serious work for your child. The process of role-playing real scenarios allows them to reflect on their reactions and beliefs about

a situation. They can steady their emotions and become more nuanced and agile in their reactions.

The most important aspect of play is that it feels safe. In the real world, things are unpredictable. People can be abrupt and cross and make your child feel vulnerable and uncertain. But in the world of play, they get to switch things around and feel empowered. They can explore and try different things. The play scenario can be ridiculous,funny and amusing and tense and tight emotions soften and ease.

Against this background of safety and security, your child can become more comfortable making suggestions and changing things, allowing their understanding of situations to develop. They’re the boss, they call the shots and decide how a situation goes. From this place of safety, they revisit difficult experiences without feeling vulnerable or uncertain.

In role playing and playing out different scenarios with them, your child comes to know you as someone who can understand and relate to their experience. They feel steady and secure.

By Dr Anne Lane

Top tips for playing

When you play with your child, focus less on conversation and more on acting things out and exploring. This focus away from language allows your child to relax and connect.

FOLLOW THE LAUGHTER. When your child is laughing they are releasing fear and tension, enveloped in happiness with you. Silliness smiles and laughter are great indicators that play is working.

LET YOUR CHILD TAKE THE LEAD. If you can, get down to their level.

PRIORITISE YOUR CHILD FEELING IN CONTROL. If your child seems uncertain or pulls back then slow down, change things around. Let them be the boss.

BE CAREFUL WITH TICKLING. Although a lot of children love tickling, the feeling of being tickled can be overwhelming and intense. Instead prioritise play which creates real engagement and collaboration, as well as laughter.

PLAY DOESN’T HAVE TO BE BIG, TAKE LONG OR BE OVER-PLANNED. Make it spontaneous and funny. Some of my children’s favourite games can involve me simply looking surprised or pretending to sleep on the sofa!

Dr Anne Lane is a clinical psychologist and author. Her new book Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence: 5 Steps to Help Your Child Cope with Big Emotional and Build Resilience is out now.

USING PLAY TO WORK THROUGH DIFFICULT EMOTIONS

Role reversals are a fantastic way to help children feel safe and more in control around an area of anxiety. You might role play being worried about something (for example, a teddy bear or a falling leaf). Your child gets to reflect on what it feels like to be anxious and to calm you.

Easing resistance or struggle: does your child become frustrated and resistant even around small things like brushing teeth or dressing? Playing in a way that brings on giggles melts away these tired, stuck emotions. I’ve often pretended to scrub the floor and a child’s legs etc with the toothbrush. When they start giggling and the mood softens, you can say: ‘Here you go, let’s get those teeth brushed.’

Play can also help your child notice and reflect on a behaviour. If your child is being mean to another, play ‘shaking out the meanies.’ The behaviour gets named but without shaming a child, tension shifts and a more collaborative, open way of relating replaces the power play.

Your child’s mental health: spotting the signs

Would you recognise the signs? It’s Mental Health Awareness Week between 13th and 19th May and Families has teamed up with Fegans, a children’s mental health charity, to give you some more information about recognising and supporting your child if they are facing challenges with their mental health.

If your child is exhibiting any of the following behaviours, it may indicate that they are struggling:

• becoming withdrawn

• isolating themselves from friends and family

• having mood changes

• school attendance or grades dropping

• loss of interest in hobbies or activities that they used to enjoy

• more time spent texting or online (gaming, websites)

• secrecy around online habits

• loss of appetite/weight, increased appetite/weight gain

How can you get support for your child?

Try to keep the lines of communication open with your child and be available to talk to them when they are ready. Children often prefer to talk about difficult things when they are doing another activity, so the conversation doesn’t feel like an interrogation.

When your child does open up, do your best to see things from their point of view and discuss with them what help they would like. Try to be supportive, and non-judgemental if the child ‘owns up’ to something you do not approve of as a parent.

Children’s counselling can be accessed through charities like Fegans and other counselling agencies. It is important to ensure that any counsellor you choose is fully qualified and has appropriate experience in working with children. Your GP may be able to make recommendations or make a referral for your child. A register of private qualified counsellors can be found at www.bacp.co.uk

Your child’s school will also work with you to help support your child in class and during non-teaching times too. If your child wants someone impartial to talk to, schools often have counsellors in place.

What happens in counselling?

When parents give consent for their child to have counselling, the counsellor will explain confidentiality and its limits to both you and your child at the start. Younger children naturally communicate through

play. So a counsellor will use toys, games and creative materials to help a child express their feelings and emotions in a safe therapeutic environment. Counselling for older children or teenagers is based on the more adult form of talk therapy.

The counselling sessions for a child are confidential in the same way as they would be for an adult, so you will not be getting regular updates from the counsellor, although your child can, of course, discuss anything about the counselling with you. The exception to this (which the child is made aware of at the start) is if any safeguarding issues arise which need discussion with other adults to ensure the child’s safety.

How to know when to end counselling?

Fegans works to an open-ended model, which means that the counsellor and child decide together when to end. In schools there will usually be liaison between the counsellor, SENCO (or whoever makes the referrals) and the parent on this decision.

Often you and your child’s school will already have noticed that your child is managing better and this is often an indicator that the child is ready to end their counselling sessions.

Fegans provides professional counselling for children and also coaches parents in need of emotional support and practical techniques to parent with confidence.

For more information, visit www.fegans.org.uk

AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH?

Be honest with yourself about how you are coping. Being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs in the world and it is OK to ask for help. Talk to your friends and family, and if you really are struggling to cope, make an appointment with your GP. Try to take some time out for yourself every day doing something that you enjoy or find relaxing. Have a hobby or interest that is just for you. Do not feel guilty about looking after your own wellbeing. It enables you to be the best support you can for your child because you cannot pour from an empty cup. And by showing children what good selfcare looks like, you are equipping them with the skills they need to thrive.

What’s On

Things to do this Summer - drama, music & sport something for everyone in

Oxfordshire

Science ClubEgg Drop Challenge

Ages 5 – 9 plus adult

WHEN: 11th May, 9.45 – 11.00 or 11.30 – 12.45

WHERE: The Yang Science Centre, Abingdon School

How can you drop an egg without breaking it? Fledgling engineers build towers to support rubber eggs, then design an ‘eggprotection device’ for the drop made from balloons, plastic-bagparachutes or crack-proof vests! A great opportunity to have fun with the laws of physics – and drop some eggs! £9.00 www.scienceoxford.com/whatson/egg-drop-challenge-abingdon 01865 810000

Active Camp (4 – 14 years)

Creative Computing Club – Wearable Musical Tech

Ages 9 – 12 plus adult

WHEN: 11th May, 10.00 – 11.30 or 12.30 – 14.00

WHERE: Science Oxford Centre, Headington

Make musical instruments with Make Code and programme a BBC micro:bit to play different notes as you move or dance. Control your sound by tilting or spinning, and get ready to shake, shake, shake it off! £10.00

www.scienceoxford.com/whatson/wearable-musical-tech/ 01865 810000

All the Fun of the Fair

Brick Building Workshop for LEGO fans

WHEN: 27th May, 11.00 – 13.00 and 14.30 – 16.30

WHERE: Story Museum, Oxford www.masterbuildersclub.co.uk/ build-with-us/

Brickwarts and the Brick itch World Cup

Brick Building Workshop for LEGO® Potter Fans

WHEN: 28th and 29th May

WHERE: The Heights Primary, Caversham (28th, 9.00 – 11.00), Sonning Common Village Hall (28th, 13.30 – 15.30) and Badgemore Primary, Henley (29th, 9.30 – 11.30)

Brickwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry are hosting the annual Brickitch tournament. Ron has got the broomsticks in a magical muddle and Hermione has her spells in a spin. It looks like it will be down to the ‘Muggle Master Builders’ to keep Slytherin at bay and save the day.

Age 5+ £17.50

www.masterbuildersclub.co.uk/ build-with-us/

WHEN: 28th – 31st May, 8.15 – 18.00

WHERE: Various locations in Oxfordshire

Active Camps provide high-quality, multi-activity camps for 4 - 14 year-olds. Each day features a range of sports, arts and crafts, team challenges, and wide span games such as capture the flag, obstacle courses, group collages and much more!

www.oxfordactive.co.uk/ school-holidays 01865 594325

Active Adventure (6 – 14 years)

WHEN: 28th – 31st May, 8.15 – 18.00

WHERE: Various locations in Oxfordshire

Active Adventure camps are for children with a passion for all things outdoors, muddy and adventurous. Children will experience cooking on a campfire and introduced to basic bushcraft skills such as whittling and shelter building.

www.oxfordactive.co.uk/ school-holidays 01865 594325

Science Club –LEGO Movie

Ages 5 - 9 plus adult

WHEN: 1st June, 10.00 – 11.30, 12.30 - 14.00 or 15.00 - 16.30

WHERE: Science Oxford Centre, Headington

Emerging Gerwigs and Nolan’s create a story board and build LEGO film sets; film your stopmotion scenes frame by frame using digital tablets to create your own award-winning LEGO Barbenheimer. Download your moving picture to enjoy at home with popcorn! £10.00 scienceoxford.com/whats-on/ lego-movie/ 01865 810000

Daddy & Me Brick Building Workshop

WHEN: 15th June, 14.00 – 16.00

WHERE: Sonning Common Village Hall

Bring your Daddy or the ‘Super Hero’ in your life to build with you at this Father’s Day workshop. This will be an opportunity for your children to share Master Builders Club with a loved one and provide an opportunity for the grown-ups to show off their LEGO® skills. £17.50 per child. Grown up goes free.

www.masterbuildersclub.co.uk/ build-with-us

Father’s Day

Nature Club –Minibeast Hunt

Ages 5 - 9 plus adult

WHEN: 15th June, 10.00 – 11.30, 12.30 – 14.00 or 15.00 – 16.30

WHERE: Science Oxford Centre, Headington

Grab a bug pot and go on a hunt to discover some of the tiniest creatures in the woodland. Identify amazing minibeasts found in different habitats; use shake sheets to see what’s in the trees, and sweep nets to hunt in the meadow plus much more! £10.00 www.scienceoxford.com/whatson/minibeast-hunt/ 01865 810000

Please mention Families Oxfordshire Magazine when replying to events

Science Club –Toy Factory

Ages 5 – 9 plus adult WHEN: 22nd June, 9.45 – 11.00 or 11.30 – 12.45

WHERE: The Yang Science Centre, Abingdon School

Make your own versions of classic curiosities, spectacular sights and spinning tops! Create balancing acts, crazy climbing creations or pecking woodpeckers! Take your toy factory favourites home to impress family and friends. £9.00 www.scienceoxford.com/whatson/toy-factory-abingdon 01865 810000

Lego® Master Builders Club

Brick Building Workshops for Children

WHERE: Various locations

Master Builders Club fun workshops start with a short story which is “brought to life” through the models they build. They provide 1000’s of LEGO® or DUPLO® bricks to transform a room into a world of creativity. www.masterbuildersclub.co.uk

Mathnasium Learning Centres

WHERE: Summertown, North Oxford

Monday-Thursday & Saturday

By producing a tailor-structured learning plan for each student according to his/her knowledge and skill level, the Mathnasium Method can help children in Years 2 - 12 better understand maths and leap ahead. Try the FREE maths skills assessment/trial session. www.mathnasium.co.uk/ northoxford 01865 655968

Tri Swim Coaching

WHEN: May and June

WHERE: Various Locations

Perform weekly drama, dance and singing classes

WHERE: West Oxford Community Centre, Oxford: Wednesdays. The Northcourt Centre, Abingdon: Saturdays and Thursdays. Didcot Methodist Church Hall: Fridays. Benson Youth Hall, Wallingford: Saturdays. Kingsmere Community Centre, Bicester: Wednesdays. Marston United Reformed Church, Oxford: Saturdays

Confidence-building drama classes for 4-7s and 7-12s. A unique mix of fun drama games, dance and singing specially designed to boost confidence, communication, concentration and coordination. To book a FREE class visit www.perform.org.uk/try enquiries@perform.org.uk www.perform.org.uk 020 7255 9120

Whether you’re looking to learn to swim, improve your stroke technique or improve your race times, Tri Swim Coaching can help! Ideal for anyone wanting to enhance their skills or fitness, with expert sessions in small groups and delivered specifically to your level. www.triswimcoaching.com

It’s important for children to keep up their maths skills during the summer so they’re ready for new material in the autumn term. Summer at Mathnasium allows them to do this right alongside their other summer activities, with flexible hours and both in-centre and online learning. And we make it fun!

Mathnasium of North Oxford mathnasium.com/uk Telephone: 01865 236 886 18 South Parade, Oxford OX2 7JL

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