Parenting

How to encourage empathy in your child

By Mimi Nicklin

Empathy levels have declined by forty percent in the last thirty years, according to a recent study by University of Michigan. This decline in empathy levels is impacting our emotional health and increasing levels of bullying in schools and violence in wider society. So how do we ensure we are responsible parents who help our children connect with others and fully understand those around them?

We can’t help but look to the next generation to drive a far deeper sense of empathy between all of us. Studies have now shown that from two years of age, children start to show genuine empathy; understanding how other people feel even when they don’t feel the same way that they do. So we need, as parents, to nurture empathy from an early age.

There are many ways we can empower our children to truly develop the emotional intelligence our world needs. At its core, the role-modelling that we apply at home is probably the most key of these, showing our children how empathy looks and how we put the feelings and reality of others at the forefront of our actions.

Our children will follow our lead. But beyond this, the secret to creating empathy may lie in the books and stories we give our children access to. Bedtime stories. Day-time stories. Life-time stories.

However stories are told, storytelling with your children can be an incredibly powerful tool for helping them gain new perspectives and create shared understanding with those around them.

Emotional simulation and imagination through storytelling is the foundation of our children’s ability to evolve their capacity to empathise and truly understand others. It allows them to make the leap from their own beautifully self-centered world to understanding that others may feel distinctly different to them and that recognising this is well within their reach and role.

Academic research now shows that reading, or being read to, changes the neuro pathways in our brain. It quite literally alters the way we process and think. Creating empathy is, of course, not limited to storytelling alone, but it’s a proven way to support our children as they grow in a world that has increasingly low empathy. The Look Out Discovery Centre

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How to be an empathetic role-model at home

Be present: Try and make sure people always feel like they are the only person in the room. When you are talking to them, ensure you are using active listening to provoke deeper understanding.

Phrases like “what I’m hearing you say is” makes them feel encouraged and engaged, as well as ensuring you really do hear what is being communicated to you.

Tune in: We are naturally wired to empathise, yet so often we spend our time with our family, in a shared physical environment but barely connect beyond the topic at hand, especially if we are busy with chores or dealing with long ‘to-do’ lists and family routines.

Take an active focus on connecting with the feelings and emotions of those around you at home with a more committed approach to imagining how they feel.

Lean forward: Remembering that most of our communication is non-verbal, be conscious of using your body language to promote mutual connection. Lean inward and ensure your body language is open, with uncrossed arms and that your eye contact remains focused.

Mimi Nicklin (www.empathyeverywhere.com) is a globally recognised millennial thought-leader, host of the Top 5 ranked The Empathy for Breakfast Show podcast. She is also an internationally bestselling author of the book Softening the Edge.

The Children’s Shoe Company’s Top Tips For Fitting School Shoes

Children’s feet are continually growing, so it’s essential to have them professionally measured every 12-16 weeks.

Top tip - you can check the fit of your child’s current shoes by checking the imprint of toes on the insole of the shoe - there should always be a gap between the imprint and the front of the insole.

Worried your child’s shoes aren’t fitting correctly? Look out for blisters or rubbing and how your child behaves when putting on shoes - is there reluctance? Or perhaps they’re refusing to wear socks? These signs could indicate your child needs a professional shoe fitting.

It’s essential that next term’s school shoes have a supportive heel cup. This is to prevent pain and postural problems - if the heel is leaning to one side or the other, it’s time to look at new shoes.

Whether it’s velcro, laces of strap fastenings, it’s important that shoes are securely fastened to prevent scrunching toes! Look for shoes with a supportive instep (a small bump inside the shoe where the arch of the foot sits).

Materials matter, so try to find shoes crafted in breathable and water resistant materials (such as leather or waterproof membranes) to help avert smelly feet and potential fungal infections.

Attending a professional fitting? Bring socks, and remember that wearing socks with shoes will help prevent damage to your children’s feet (often caused by friction).

Advice provided by The Children’s Shoe Company, located in Marlow. www.thechildrensshoecompany.co.uk

Happy Single Parenting

Looking after children, working, maintaining the house and garden, keeping in touch with friends and family, paying the bills, planning for the future… The task list for a parent is endless – but what about for a single parent? The responsibilities are all present but with even less time and money available for the sole adult in the household. It can be an exhausting lifestyle, but single-parent families can also be very happy. We talked to a few Families Thames Valley West single parents to find out some of their tips and positives about single parenting.

1. Take it as a compliment when other parents forget that you are single and expect you to have as much time as them.

2. Accept any help offered.

3. Don’t be embarrassed about accepting second-hand items; the children are unlikely to care.

4. Create a time slot every week for doing something that you enjoy and stick to it.

5. Focus on what is most important to the family (the children are unlikely to notice if the garden is a bit untidy…), and don’t stretch yourself to do all the jobs that two parents could do.

6. Get the children to help out with tasks around the home and emphasise how grown up they are for doing them.

7. Try and maintain a civil relationship with the ex, if there is one.

8. Let the children know that you are a team and look out for each other.

9. Remind yourself regularly what a great job you are doing and how much your children love you for being there for them.

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Diversify your toy box

By Fola Williams Would you like your child to have toys which are reflective of the diverse world in which we live? Maybe you’re not sure quite how to source such toys or where to look. To save you some research time, here are some of my ideas, many of which represent my own culture.

Our Kids Trove

A curated collection of culturally diverse toys and educational resources, all from black-owned businesses, Our Kids Trove will provide a trove of endless fun for your little ones. The toys in this collection are so much more than ways to pass time, they are powerful instruments of education and empowerment.

Very Puzzled Map Puzzles

Very Puzzled seeks to provide children with a platform that allows them to explore and learn about the richness of the African continent. Each puzzle features a wide variety of landmarks and attractions highlighting notable people of colour and has been designed to provide endless fun and topics for discussion.

Imagine Me Stories Subscription Box

Discover amazing black children’s books each month, learn about African culture and black history through fun activity packs and help your little one develop a love for reading through a reading ladder reward chart. Let Imagine Me Stories know what books you already own so they’re not included in your box!

Follow Families Thames Valley West

Ages: From birth. From £6.95 www.ourkidstrove.com Ages: 5+. £12 www.verypuzzled.com Ages: 0–2. From £9.99 to £34.99 www.imaginemestories.com Fola Williams is the proprietor of Sheni and Teni (www.sheniandteni. com) which offers diverse books, toys and games for kids.