Parental wellbeing

Parental Wellbeing Bubble baths and candlelight - surely there’s more to self-care than that!

By Natalie Stoker - The Dragonfly Doula

Self-care is a much used ‘buzzword’ currently but does it feature as highly on our agendas as parents and caregivers as we would like? How often do you hear self-care portrayed as simply making time for a quick soak in the tub or a glass of wine with a good book after a tough week of parenting? It’s so much more than that though. Once you scratch the surface of self-care you discover its value reaches well beyond personal wellbeing and it is increasingly a necessity of modern life, rather than a luxury. Let’s start with some basics. Self-care is described as the process of taking care of oneself with behaviours that promote health and wellbeing. There are many elements of self-care that we manage and regulate intrinsically, e.g. feeding ourselves, being clothed, sleeping and looking after our physical health with trips to the doctor or dentist. These elements of self-care are ingrained over time, taught to us by our parents or adult caregivers and herein lies a key benefit to others as well as ourselves. When we model self-care for ourselves, our children will grow up with these behaviours as a priority in their daily lives and their wellbeing will benefit from our choices long into the future. By making time for self-care we are safeguarding our mental health and overall wellbeing. So, if it really isn’t as simple as a bubble bath on a Friday night, what does good self-care look like? In order to look after our own wellbeing, we need to focus on activities and habits that keep us happy, mentally healthy and physically well. In practice this will be as individual as we are and what works for one won’t necessarily work for another so when considering what self-care will look like for you by all means take inspiration from those around you but try to avoid simply mimicking their choices for self-care, as you could be left feeling disappointed and ultimately disheartened. If you aren’t sure where to start in working out what selfcare could look like for you then here are some suggestions to consider…

• Getting out and meeting people - join a class or local group. Having weekly activities that you enjoy and can look forward to lifts your mood and improves wellbeing. • Scheduling date nights with a partner or a friend to work on developing your relationship. • Attending an exercise class or going for a walk or run. • Making time to sort a task that has been hanging over you and making you anxious. • Speaking your truth and getting things off your chest with someone who will provide a non-judgemental listening ear. • Taking a social media break to escape the dreaded

‘comparison-itis’. • Saying ‘no’ to tasks or activities that you won’t enjoy and focusing on building in small moments that bring you joy e.g. 10 minutes of listening to your favourite music, going for a short walk in nature, catching up on an episode of your favourite series, preparing food you love to eat. • Letting go of toxic relationships that emotionally drain you. • Setting clear boundaries to avoid over commitment and letting go of perfectionism. • Journaling, brain dumping and writing down our thoughts helps reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm, focusing our minds so we feel more organised and in control with the space and time to reflect and process our thoughts. • Arranging help when we need it, rather than burning ourselves out by trying to do it all ourselves. Especially, but not limited to, the early days of parenting with a newborn.

As a parent or caregiver our mood has a massive influence on the tone in our household as a whole. Our children are mirrors of our feelings and behaviours. When we prioritise our needs and take care of ourselves, not only can we can be happier and more compassionate parents to our children now but by modelling this focus on calm, positivity and relaxation in our lives this will not only benefit our health and wellbeing but it will filter through to the next generation and impact theirs too.

Natalie Stoker - The Dragonfly Doula

Natalie is a Birth & Postnatal Doula providing personalised 1-1 support for birth, your parenting preferences and your postnatal recovery. Natalie provides all the information, emotional and practical support you need to remain calm and relaxed during this special time in your life, as you build your family. For more information about Natalie and the services she offers please visit www.thedragonflydoula.co.uk

By Natalie Stoker, The Dragonfly Doula

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