Families Chiltern

For children ages 8–11

Listen more than you talk: Once children can be clear about what’s bothering them, often responding with just a nod, an ‘I see’ or ‘That sounds tough’ is enough. Resist the temptation to offer judgement or criticism, even if you think it sounds constructive. It’s often what you don’t say rather than what you do which makes you the best sounding board.

Set aside time: Spend regular unhurried time just doing the things they like to do. These ‘emotional deposits’ remind tweens that you like as well as love them and they will be more likely to listen to you at other times.

Validate feelings: Simply try to accept and understand how they feel, even if that feels uncomfortable for you. For example, your tween contains their behaviour all day at school. So when they come from school and moan, remember that most of the time you don’t need to do anything except listen. You could ask: ‘Do you need to vent, or do you want suggestions? Either is fine.’