[New] Tackling toddler tantrums

By Sarah Ockwell-Smith

The ‘terrible twos’ aren’t called that for nothing! This stage of a child’s life is all about big feelings. Scientifically, it relates to the undeveloped prefrontal brain cortex which means the child is unable to regulate their own emotions. What most of us refer to as a tantrum is an expression of pure frustration.

What is a tantrum?

Tantrums describe the state of an individual who is out of control, full of big emotions and stress hormones and unable to calm themselves down. Tantrums can happen at any age, right into adulthodd but, as adults with fully developed brains, we have to learn to manage our emotions, calm ourselves down or rather self soothe.

Toddlers don’t possess these skills yet. They are not being naughty or manipulative, they are simply being toddlers. Tantrums are a normal and exceedingly common feature of child development. Research has found that nearly nine in ten children between age 18 months and 2 years regularly have tantrums, with most having at least one a day, lasting on average between thirty and sixty seconds (although it is not uncommon for them to occur far more frequently and last for much longer).

‘No’ to the naughty step

Contrary to popular belief, ignoring, shaming or punishing tantrums can make a toddler’s behaviour much worse. These approaches ignore a child’s difficult underlying feelings and don’t resolve the cause or help the toddler regulate their behaviour. Experts have discovered just how much infant brains are affected by the level of parental care they receive.

With nurturing attention, the part of their brains responsible for regulating emotion become better connected as they grow. If toddlers are constantly sat on naughty steps, sent for time outs, punished or ignored when they are perceived to be ‘naughty,’ in the long term they will lack the neurological maturity that develops as a result of empathy and guidance.

Bion’s theory of containment

In the 1960s, an English psychoanalyst named Wilfred Bion introduced his idea of using containment when children are not yet able to manage their feelings alone. The concept describes the way parents or primary caregivers hold space for a children’s big, difficult feelings like anger, frustration and anxiety during a tantrum, by reflecting calmness, control and regulation, helping the child to become calmer. Importantly, the child feels safe and understood.

Sarah Ockwell-Smith is the author of Beginnings, a book published by Piatkus, which offers a guide to child psychology and development for parents of children ages 0 to 5.

Simple tips to save money

By Gemma Bird

There is a pride and empowerment that comes with being in control of your money. What’s more, we can pass on this attitude and basic money management skills to our children and help them get money savvy too. With the rising cost of living, many of us are looking for easy and practical moneysaving tips. Here are some of my favourites.

This winter, turn your central heating thermostat down by just one degree – it can save you up to ten percent a year on your bill.

Pop a tent or gazebo over your laundry line, it will allow the washing to dry without using the tumble dryer.

Turn off the radiators in the rooms you’re not in.

Is your bedroom cold? Switch on your electric blanket to get your bed warm; a forty watt electric blanket will warm up your bed for just two pence per hour.

Dig out your slow cooker. It costs ten pence per hour to use compared to your oven at fifty two pence per hour.

Free apps like Too Good to Go (www.toogoodtogo.co.uk) allow you to purchase unsold food at a big discount from top eateries at the end of service.

Invest in good-quality backpacks for days out so you and the kids can carry water bottles and snacks, rather than buying when you’re out.

Parking on days out can be expensive, so I use Your Parking Space app (www.yourparkingspace.co.uk). It tracks where you are and finds cheaper parking alternatives.

Review your subscriptions. Is there anything you can do without?

Sell your unwanted items on eBay, especially clothing. Maximise your selling potential by ironing the items nicely and hanging them on matching wooden hangers. Always use the full free twelve photo allowance with close-ups of any logos. Photograph your items in natural light.

When travelling abroad, pack smart. Don’t buy sunscreen and essentials at the airport or a tourist destination as it will always be more expensive. Check for deals beforehand in high street stores and supermarkets. Also be sure to take medications like painkillers and sting and bite relief creams with you as these frequently cost much more aboard.

Gemma Bird, aka MoneyMum, is a social media sensation. She shares her practical and savvy money-saving tips on Instagram @moneymumofficial to help parents through economically challenging times.

Reducing grocery costs

Bulk out a meal like a spag bol with carrot so you use less meat.

Buy frozen veg so there is less waste and when buying fresh fruits and veg, buy loose where possible, as its cheaper.

Freeze leftover fresh fruit. A quick Google search will tell you which fruits do and don’t freeze well.

Grab a scanner at your local supermarket to keep track of your spending; make a shopping list and stick to it.

Consider switching to own brand items, especially for more expensive things like laundry detergent and dishwasher tablets.

Go through what ingredients you already have and plan the week’s menu using these.

Join supermarket mailing lists and newsletters for great savings. There’s often money off your first online shop so sign up with all the stores that offer this. Then shop with a different one each week to maximise savings.

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