Helping children find their autistic identity

By Rebecca Duffus

When a young person gets a diagnosis of autism, it does not always come with the opportunity to explore their personal autistic identity. Research shows that having a positive understanding of this is an indicator of higher self-esteem and wellbeing as an adult. Thankfully, with the right knowledge and tools, parents can initiate important conversations and support their child’s journey.

So often, autistic young people are told to stop their repetitive physical movements, taught neurotypical social skills and even disciplined purely because of their autistic behaviours. Yet we need to be actively promoting autistic pride and creating communities in which autistic youngsters can understand their strengths and have their needs catered for.

It is important that young autistic people gain a sense of their own unique story and understand feelings of difference and what difference means to them. It helps if they can also learn from the role modelling of other autistic individuals.

Giving children space and time to explore and embrace their autistic identity, in a way that is positive and empowering, is essential for their sense of self and belonging. Here are a few ideas:

Highlight differences in a positive way in everyday life. For example, apples and oranges, pens and pencils, different roles within a sports team. Each share similarities and differences and are equally good and valid. Use these examples to explain the concept of neurodiversity: how some people’s brains simply work differently.

Use visuals to explore autism characteristics and what your child’s unique autistic identity looks like. For example, show pictures related to sensory differences to prompt discussions around over-reactivity and under-reactivity to different senses. The Autism, Identity and Me Workbook (AIM) includes a range of visual prompts and space to personalise each section, so the book becomes truly theirs.

Help them develop a diary or workbook in which they can reflect on their identity. Consider buying personalised notebooks or help them to set up their own system for processing information on an ongoing basis. This could be recording voice notes, videos or typing into a document.

Explore accounts from other autistic individuals, particularly those your child has something in common with, so that they feel represented.

Develop an ‘Autism Identity Statement’ together which your child can use to explain to others what autism means to them.

Continue the conversation and not always verbally: use links, articles and videos. If appropriate for your child’s age, encourage them to watch or follow autism advocates such as The Aspie World, Purple Ella and Chloe Hayden.

For parents, Chris Packham’s recent Inside Our Autistic Minds, available on iPlayer, is an illuminating and informative insight into the minds of young autistic adults.

Follow their lead. You want to develop your child’s autistic pride but it is very important to respect their communication preferences. Do they want to share their Autism Identity Statement with other family members and friends or just with specific people?

Rebecca Duffus is an Advisory Teacher working with students and educators in mainstream and specialist schools, plus local council and education services.

She has created Autism, Identity and Me (AIM) personalised workbooks for young people, with an accompanying guidebook for parents. Together they help autistic young people establish and reflect upon their own unique story. Order from https://bit.ly/AIMbook

The neurodiversity pencil case

Featured in the AIM workbooks, this analogy can help with understanding difference. Sometimes people feel different from everyone else. Imagine a neurodivergent person is a pen within a classroom where the neurotypical pupils are pencils. They might feel like the only pen.

Both the pens and pencils are good at what they do. The neurodivergent people may be different from the neurotypical people but they all share similarities. They are not the only pen…. about one in seven people are neurodivergent!

Create an Autism Identity Statement

Your child can choose who they talk to about autism and what they say but it can help if they have a set phrase to explain what autism means to them. This statement is liable to change over time as they develop their understanding of their autistic identity. Try:

I’m really good at...

I sometimes find it harder to...

When I feel stressed it helps me to...

My superpowers are...