How handwriting affects self-esteem

It is known that children who have good handwriting do better in school and enjoy it more. And the opposite is also true: those who struggle with handwriting are often at a disadvantage in the high-paced classroom setting. According to the Dyspraxia Foundation, children with poor handwriting are usually aware of their difficulty and their untidy handwriting can make them feel uncomfortable and isolated. Commonly, children feel depressed and frustrated as a direct result of poor writing skills. Handwriting activates a specific part of the brain which helps establish and build the neural patterns needed for learning and memory. Studies show that children who spend time working on handwriting produce clearer and more coherent communication, along with better thought and organisation skills. As the majority of our examinations are still handwritten, handwriting forms an integral part of our education system. Students who are unable to write legibly and articulately find themselves at a severe disadvantage. Once these skills are taught there is an enormous difference in confidence and selfesteem.

With at least ten to fifteen percent of children in the classroom suffering from poor self-confidence, teachers need to watch out for early problems with their pupils’ handwriting. Simply having their writing labelled as messy or lazy by adults can contribute to a child’s low self-esteem and anxiety. This may lead children to believe that they are unintelligent and incapable of writing correctly and discourage them, continuing the downward spiral. Unfortunately, the problem of anxiety-related handwriting problems cannot simply be overcome by using a computer. As a child grows older, there will always be everyday circumstances in which handwriting is needed. Furthermore, handwriting helps the flow of ideas and thoughts in a way which keyboarding doesn’t so it is fundamental that children are taught to write legibly.

By Catherine Lobleand Lisa Wander

Although handwriting is an integral requirement of the National Curriculum, many schools are unable to dedicate the time it needs due to the huge demands of core subjects. In addition, there are many different styles and programmes being used with too many confusing elements. With the correct time and teaching, children’s handwriting can be mastered, thereby raising their confidence and self-esteem and embedding it into adulthood.

Motor Skills To Support Handwriting

Essential for handwriting, motor development is divided into gross and fine motor skills. Gross skills involve large muscle movements such as crawling, walking, running and swimming. Fine motor skills require smaller muscles: grasping, object manipulation and drawing.

Well-developed gross and fine motor skills are essential to a child’s readiness to write. Early years activities prepare them for the dexterity and co-ordination they will need in the classroom and it’s never too soon to start the journey.

Practising gross motor skills is the first step towards two-handed tasks such as holding down paper with one hand while writing with the other. Fun activities teach small bodies! Examples include monkey bars, hopscotch, throwing and catching balls, dancing, running and swimming.

Fine motor skills are necessary for handwriting so the child can control the pencil in forming letters and use the correct pressure on the pen and the paper. This is where hand and finger activities come in. Consider these: threading beads, cutting paper, construction play, baking, finger painting and playdough.

Catherine and Lisa are co-founders of Emparenting (www.emparenting.co.uk), supporting children, parents and families with insights, skills and tools to nurture the development and wellbeing of the next generation.

Please listen to me!

By Tanith Carey

When we have non-stop days, it’s easy to lapse into ‘one-way-street parenting.’ That’s where as the more powerful grown-up, you tell your child how to behave. But parenting becomes so much easier when it’s a two-way transaction and you make a conscious effort to listen to what your child has to say as well.

As they grow, children are in a constant process of learning to recognise and describe their needs and emotions. However, with their developing vocabulary they can’t always clearly articulate their big feelings so they don’t always feel heard. Children who don’t feel heard often act out how they feel. There could be angry tantrums, strops, defiance or attention-seeking behaviour to force you to pay attention. Sadly, this behaviour has the opposite effect.

The good news is that just one simple shift can transform your relationship with your child. Next time your child explodes, understand they are struggling with giant feelings. Rather than thinking about how to discipline them, observe their behaviour with curiosity, followed by empathy.

For example, we grown-ups tend to hear repeated requests for the things kids want as whingeing or nagging. Rather than ignoring them, show them you heard them the first time by looking at them, getting down on their level if they are still little, repeating what they have just said and giving them a response that works in that moment, even if it’s an explanation for why you are saying ‘no’.

Of course, you can’t be expected to drop everything, every time or give kids whatever they want.

Keep some phrases in your back pocket like: ‘I know it’s hard to wait. I’ll be there soon,’ or ‘I heard you calling me. Give me five minutes while you finish your Lego house.’ Even if it’s not the answer they want to hear, they will ease off once they know the message has got through. Just make sure you stick to your word.

This kind of listening is not about giving in or letting them have their own way. It’s about remembering that children are on a steep learning curve towards naming and managing feelings that continues well into their teenage years.

Top Tips

NAME EMOTIONS: Experience shows that the more words you use to name your child’s emotions, the more accurate they will be when describing them.

BE INTERESTED IN WHAT THEY LOVE: Be curious about what your child has to say, even if you’ve heard the same dinosaur fact one hundred times. If you say: ‘Tell me more,’ your child will open up to you at other times too. If you feel yourself getting bored, go on an adventure to find new facts to fascinate them.

CALM YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM: When you feel angry or irritated when dealing with your child, whatever you are doing, take a few deep breaths to slow yourself back to empathy mode so you can listen to what they are trying to say.

LIMIT YOUR PHONE USE: Put away your phone during the special oneon-one times with your child, whether it’s bath times, mealtimes or story time. When they don’t have to compete to be heard they can relax into being with you.

For older children (ages 8 -11)

LISTEN MORE THAN YOU TALK: Once children can be clear about what’s bothering them, often responding with just a nod, an ‘I see’ or ‘That sounds tough’ is enough. Resist the temptation to offer judgement or criticism, even if you think it sounds constructive. It’s often what you don’t say rather than what you do which makes you the best sounding board.

SET ASIDE TIME: Spend regular unhurried time just doing the things they like to do. These ‘emotional deposits’ remind tweens that you like as well as love them and they will be more likely to listen to you at other times.

VALIDATE FEELINGS: Simply try to accept and understand how they feel, even if that feels uncomfortable for you. For example, your tween contains their behaviour all day at school. So when they come from school and moan, remember that most of the time you don’t need to do anything except listen. You could ask: ‘Do you need to vent, or do you want suggestions? Either is fine.’

Tanith Carey is co-author, with Dr Angharad Rudkin, of What’s My Child Thinking: Practical Child Psychology for Modern Parents. The book includes many topics including the best ways to communicate with children. Published by DK books and available from www.bookshop.org