WWW.FAMILYANDLIFE.SG
Your FREE guide
SINGAPORE ISSUE 6 MARCH 2014
FIGHTING FOR OUR BABY’S LIFE A tale of biliary atresia PLAYING GOD A look at the implications of designer babies
WE’RE ONLINE! Don’t want to miss an issue? Download a free copy at www.familyandlife.sg!
PUBLISHED BY COGENT MEDIA
MCI (P) 114/08/2013
“I don’t want to be a billionaire.” CLINTON ANG on the more valuable things in life SEX! SEX! SEX! How our children are being sexualised by the media
Family Is For Life
COO of OCBC Bank Ching Wei Hong has sound advice and strong words for Singapore parents Mar 2014 • Family & Life
1
Contents SNIPPETS 4
Blood Ties
4
Choice Products, Interesting News and More!
water. Interestingly enough, hey say that blood is thicker than y is the exact opposite of the meaning of this proverb toda it ly, meant that the blood you what it originally meant. Previous heat of the battlefield forges the in spill alongside your comrades you create with your family, with a bond that rivals the connection r in the womb. But, for Grace whom you are connected by the wate efield was the operating theatre, Park and Cole Sirucek, their battl ld be saved. er to make sure their daughter wou as they did everything in their pow Read their story on page 14.
T
SLICE 8
Thank God It’s Good Friday!
Interesting trivia, momentous events and more!
COVERSTORY
10 Just Your Everyday Son,
Husband And Father
8
8
Ching Wei Hong understands the Singaporean families’ struggle
n of Families for talk to Ching Wei Hong, Chairma In the same spirit of family, we also their views and on 12) e (pag s Wine of CornerStone Life (page 10) and Clinton Ang, CEO lies today, as well as es facing many Singaporean fami experiences regarding the challeng Friday approaches, ming the next generation. As Good the difficulties of raising and groo Easter (page 8). We and some little known facts about it we take the opportunity to look at st dialect group in large the , ng the arrival of the Hokkiens also go down memory lane, traci
FOCUS
12 Grooming The Fourth
Singapore (page 26).
Generation
children are in today’s media, we note how our Given the amount of sexualisation such as the dangers of and tackle other worrying issues, unhealthily influenced (page 17) l issues that many tiona bring up one of the cross-genera cyberbullying (page 18). We also 20, which is the page on to ing t actually be contribut parents talk about and one they migh issue of entitlement in children.
Clinton Ang’s rise to the top and his plans for the future
14 The Biggest Fight
Of Their Lives
Nothing prepared Grace Park and Cole Sirucek for this
10MINUTESWITH...
18
16 Tay Eu-Yen
about the topic of al conundrums, we find out more Continuing our coverage on ethic God on page 21. ons that will result from us playing designer babies and the implicati est that you would like azine with us or any topics of inter Share your thoughts about the mag .sg or leave your dlife lyan fami rial@ us an e-mail at edito us to consider covering. Just drop m/familyandlifemag. comments on our Facebook at fb.co
Butter Factory co-founder, semi-retired party animal and mother of one
creating it. y this issue as much as we enjoyed Happy reading and we hope you enjo
NURTURE
Managing Editor Gerald Woon
17 The Pornification Of
Our Young
Sex is all over the media and your child is the consumer
18 Is Your Child A Cyberbully?
Singapore is the second highest nation of cyberbullies
19 Character =
Academic Excellence
The importance of character education for your child
20 Raising Generation “E”
For Entitled
Are your children getting too pampered and self-entitled?
21
HEALTH
familyandlife.sg
21 One Baby With Black Hair
And Brown Eyes - No Asthma Please
We tackle the implications and ethics of “designer babies”
22 I Can(not) See Clearly Now
Age-related sight ailments that will strike when you are not careful
Their Hair!
MANAGING EDITOR EDITORIAL CREATIVE
23 Honey, The Kids Are Losing
SALES & MARKETING
Childhood hair loss is real, very real
RELAX
CONTRIBUTORS
24 Oh, Oh, Oh,
Sweet Wine O’ Mine
Wine with chicken rice, you say?
25 Won’t You Take Me To Hello
Kitty Town?
Nothing to do in Singapore? Head westwards across the Second Link
26 Here Come The Hokkiens!
A traipse back in time to Fujian province, home of the Hokkiens
BITES
28 Salmon Tataki With Green
Asparagus & Hollandaise Sauce Fine dining brought home
EVENTS
29 What’s Happening
30
A list of upcoming family events
OP-ED
30 My Two Cents On...
2
Family & Life • Mar 2014
Teaching children everything but a sense of entitlement
ADMINISTRATION & FINANCE
Gerald Woon gerald@cogentmedia.sg Writer | Farhan Shah farhan@cogentmedia.sg Designer | Zach zach@cogentmedia.sg Senior Marketing Executive| Emily Choo emily@cogentmedia.sg Sales Administrator| Michelle Lee sales@cogentmedia.sg Chef Tim Meijers Jade Tan Jenn Choi Maureen Beth Schuster Manager | Jessica Ong jessica@cogentmedia.sg
CONTACT US Editorial Enquiries editorial@familyandlife.sg Advertising Enquiries Tel: +65 6704 9271 Email: sales@cogentmedia.sg MCI (P) 114/08/2013 Colour Separation & Printed by Times Printers Private Limited 16 Tuas Avenue 5, Singapore 639340 Tel: +65 6311 2888 Fax: +65 6311 2801 Licence No. L021/09/2012 Distributed by MediaWheel Singapore 31 Toh Guan Road East #07-01 LW Technocentre, Singapore 608608 Tel: +65 6560 5272 Fax: +65 6560 4090 All materials printed within Family & Life are Copyright 2013 © and protected under the Copyright Act. All rights reserved 2013.
Family & Life is published monthly by Cogent Media Pte. Ltd. 100 Beach Road #32-01 Shaw Tower, Singapore 189702 Tel: +65 6704 9266 Fax: +65 6396 3045 Registration No: 201231255H No material of this publication can be reproduced in any form or means – graphic, electronic, mechanic, photocopying, recording, videotaping, etc. – whether in part or in whole, without the written consent of the Publisher. Family & Life will not be held responsible for any infringements of Copyright material in articles submitted by contributors. While every reasonable care has been taken in the compilation of information contained in this publication, the Publisher, editors or their employees and agents shall not be liable for any errors, inaccuracies, and/or omissions howsoever caused. All views expressed in all articles are solely those of the authors, and are not necessarily those of the Publisher and editor. Family & Life reserves the right to refuse any advertisement or advertorial for any reason and are not liable for claims made by advertisers. The information provided in this publication is solely for reference only. Readers are advised to seek the professional advice from the appropriate advisors, professional or institution for advice and instruction with regard to their personal health issues.
Mar 2014 • Family & Life
3
SNIPPETS A list of choice products, interesting news and cool developments, handpicked by the Family & Life team that will interest parents and families!
BABY SKIN CARE THAT’S SAFE ENOUGH TO EAT
What started out as a search for a solution to her daughter’s persistent eczema became Jo Lauren, the first baby skin care and bath collection fully made with food-grade ingredients. Founder of Jo Lauren, Jolene Liow, successfully created her own formulation to soothe her child’s rashes after everything she tried on the market failed to solve the problem. It was then that she realised the dearth of organic products out there that was effective for baby skin. Now, Jo Lauren has a line of eight products suitable for babies’ and toddlers’ sensitive skin that are preservative- and toxin-free, and yes, safe enough to eat, literally! From baby wash to baby massage oils, all of Jo Lauren’s items are made from natural and edible ingredients and are superior in purity and quality, as compared to cosmeticgrade ingredients. We are big fans of the Baby Miracle Balm, the signature product in the range and the one responsible for treating Jolene’s daughter’s eczema. Made from calendula, plantain leaves and elderberry extracts, the balm soothes, protects and, well, tastes great!
YOUR CHILD’S CANVAS, YOUR BEAUTIFUL WALLS In the past, maintaining pristine walls with an imaginative and playful child in the home was next to impossible. You would wake up one day and discover your child with a bunch of crayons and a trail of colourful destruction on your walls. The new DULUX Wash & Wear with its new KidProof Technology promises to change that! Formulated with a unique protective layer that resists and repels tough stains, the new DULUX range lets you easily wipe off stains, dirty patches and marks with just a damp cloth and detergent, instantly making your wall look as good as new again. “A great deal of research and development has gone into making DULUX Wash & Wear with KidProof Technology a superior washable paint that grants long-lasting colour that does not fade off with each lean. DULUX Wash & Wear is also low in odour and free of lead and mercury, ensuring the young ones a safer and cleaner freedom of expression,” shares Jeremy Rowe, the Managing Director of AkzoNobel Decorative Paints for the South East & South Asia region. So, go ahead. Let your walls become your child’s canvas of imagination!
The new DULUX Wash & Wear with KidProof Technology retails at S$23 for a one-litre can and S$82 for a five-litre can. Prices are before GST. Family & Life • Mar 2014
CUCUMBER MINT DRINK What’s Needed • 1 to 2 litres of water, depending on how strong you want the drink to taste • 1 cucumber • 1 lemon or lime • A handful of fresh mint leaves • Ice cubes
Directions 1. Slice cucumber into cubes and put them into a pitcher 2. Cut the lemon or lime into wedges and toss them in together with the cucumber 3. Add the mint leaves and pour water into the jug 4. Let it sit overnight in the fridge 5. Enjoy the daily freshness in the morning! APPLE CINNAMON WATER What’s Needed • 2 sliced apples • 2 cinnamon sticks • Ice cubes
Jo Lauren Baby Skin Care is available exclusively on www.jolauren.com. You can also check out their Facebook page at www.fb.com/jolaurenbaby.
4
SIMPLE DETOX BY YES SUPERMARKET
Remember your now-forgotten New Year resolution to have a healthier diet? It is still not too late to get back on track! With a bit of help from YES Supermarket, one of Singapore’s fastest growing supermarket chains, we have put together three simple detox recipes for you and your family that will help to clear your skin, improve your digestion and more!
Directions 1. Drop the apple slices into the pitcher 2. Add the cinnamon sticks 3. Add ice cubes and water 4. Place in the fridge for 10 minutes before serving 5. Enjoy! CELERY AND GREEN APPLE JUICE What’s Needed • 4 green apples • 3 – 12 celery stalks
Directions 1. Throw all the ingredients into a juice extractor 2. Pour and enjoy! YES Supermarket is at Block 201B Tampines Street 21, Block 138 Tampines Street 11, Block 829 Tampines Street 81, YES Marketplace @ Tampines Mart, 7 Tampines Street 32 and 35 Hougang Avenue 3.
NEED TO CUT COSTS? We have less drastic solutions
Singapore-based accounting firm Origins, provides customised financial solutions to businesses and high net worth individuals. Save up to 90% of your costs in accounting and regulatory compliance. Give us a call today! Our Professional Services include: • Accounting and bookkeeping • Nominee shareholder and director service • Individual and corporate taxation • Audit and business assurance
• Consolidation of group accounts • Local and offshore incorporation • Company secretarial services • Application for employment and work pass
51 Goldhill Plaza #19-06, Singapore 308900 O: (65) 6353 5608 | E: info@originscorpsvcs.com | W: www.originscorpsvcs.com
S E Y Sup
1 YES20 1B 0 Blk 2 eet 21 es Str n i p m Ta 91 #01-10 re 522201 . po .......... Singa ..........
t e k r a m r e
5 e3 YES03 ang Avenu ug 35 Ho 06 4/ 0 #0138840 pore 5 9 a g n i S 8 382 19 TEL: 6 82 1989 2 ..... FAX: 6 .................. ........ ..........
1 8 treet 1 YES13 Tampines S 8 9 Blk 13 / 110 YES82 8 0 9 #01-1 1138 Blk 82 s street 81 ore 52 p a e 8 g 7 n n i i S 0811 Tamp / 274/ 276/ 2 : 6781 588 L 2 7 E 2 T 9 1 2 #0 208 ... 782 7 ..... .. pore 5 FAX: 6........................ Singa ........................ Ltd .. .. .......... et Pte k r .......... a m uper 2 2 YES S ed address: YES03 nes Street 3 gister pi 7 Tam t) re e k r a 1B tM Blk 20 s Street 21 #01-01 es Mart We ne n i i Tamp 5 (Tamp re 529285 9 o p #02-10 re 522201 Singa po Singa
.......... ..........
r u o Y y a d y Ever Store
Mar 2014 • Family & Life
5
SNIPPETS “OH WOW, YOU DON’T LOOK LIKE A MOTHER AT ALL!” Honestly, being a mother in this day and age is hard work. Juggling your career goals with your responsibilities as a mother can take their toll on your health and physical appearance, and you have always wondered how some moms manage to do it all while still looking radiant at the same time. Natural skincare brand Trilogy has the answer for you – simple products that are fuss-free and easy to put on. And the purveyor of organic skincare has a new treatment lotion that we are certain will make a valuable addition to your cosmetic shelf. The Trilogy Age Proof Botanical Lightening Treatment helps to reduce and prevent the appearances of blemish marks and age and dark spots by bringing together cutting-edge natural actives such as botanical complex GIGAWHITE, licorice, mulberry and vitamin C. According to the folks at Trilogy, this new treatment lotion is designed to target areas of pigmentation while also treating sun spots, which is one of the most telling signs of damaged, ageing skin. And in sunny Singapore, we need all the help we can get when it comes to fighting sun damage. Furthermore, the Trilogy Age Proof Botanical Lightening Treatment is made from only the finest, natural ingredients, so it is suitable for all skin types.
The 50ml Trilogy Age Proof Botanical Lightening Treatment bottle is retailing at S$68 and is available at all Beauty By Nature outlets, Robinsons and John Little stores.
I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR! AND WIN! Celebrate International Women’s Day with Slimming 101 this month! The first 38 readers to SMS SLFAL<Name><NRIC> to 9686 8101 will enjoy an exclusive Signature Meridian Therapy along with the following: 1. Body Fat Analysis and Customized Consultation 2. Signature Slimming Herbal Tea 3. Ren Xin Tang Bai Feng Wan (60 capsules, worth S$49.90) So, what are you waiting for? Get texting, ladies! Terms and conditions apply.
This promotion is only applicable to first-time female customers to Slimming 101 aged 18 years old and above, and only valid for Singaporeans & Singaporean PR. NRIC must be presented on the date of appointment. Slimming 101 reserves the right to amend any terms and conditions without giving prior notice in the event of unforeseen circumstances.
GET YOUR CUDDLES ON AT IKEA Babies cannot be cuddled with hugs and kisses alone! Pamper your bundle of joy with the new, classic designs from the KRAMA Baby Textile Collection exclusively at IKEA. The new collection combines a range of soft and durable textiles that act as a starter kit for three of every baby’s favourite activities – eating, sleeping and bathing. The KRAMA Collection has blankets, quilt covers, sleeping bags, dribble bibs and more, for the fashionable baby. Our personal favourite is the SLAPPA towel with hood, the perfect bathing robe to keep your baby warm after a bath. Plus it looks really cute on your baby and makes a picture-perfect moment for the family album! All the pieces in the collection are machine-washable for easy cleaning, so even if your baby decides to head for a dirty adventure, you can easily clean up after them.
The KRAMA Baby Textile Collection is available now at all IKEA Singapore stores. For more information, head on over to www.fb.com/IKEASingapore. 6
Family & Life • Mar 2014
REDEFINING GIRLY Mother of two Melissa Wardy was becoming exasperated at the increasing sexualisation of young girls in the media, so much so that she decided to take a stand, channelling her frustration into activism. She created a website to sell T-shirts with girl-positive messages, started blogging, began writing letters to corporate offenders, and worked with parents through workshops and social media. Now, Wardy has distilled her experience and lessons into a how-to guide titled Redefining Girly: How Parents Can Fight the Stereotyping and Sexualizing of Girlhood, from Birth to Tween for parents, family members and teachers who are concerned about how to raise a confident and empowered girl in today’s increasingly hypersexual culture. The new book offers tips, tools and facts that any concerned parent will need to successfully guide a girl through girlhood, and presents realistic guidance to effect positive change and help parents raise a confident and empowered girl who will grow up valuing herself as a human being. We cannot recommend this tome highly enough!
Redefining Girly is available on online retailers Amazon and BookDepository.com. For more information on the book and the author, head on over to redefininggirly. wordpress.com.
Mar 2014 â&#x20AC;˘ Family & Life
7
SLICE
Thank GOD By Farhan Shah
It’s GOOD The week before Easter Sunday is the holiest week of the year for Christians all over the world, who hold prayers to mark the death and subsequent resurrection of Jesus Christ. The week begins on Palm Sunday, seven days before Easter Sunday. Then, the days between Palm Sunday and Good Friday are known as Holy Monday, Holy Tuesday, Holy Wednesday and Holy Thursday. No surprises there. However, many people have wondered why Good Friday is named as such since that is the day Jesus allegedly dies. There are a few explanations for this. One of the most widely accepted is that the word “good” actually means holy or pious, as Jesus’s ultimate sacrifice showed his love for man. Another alternative clarification put forward by the Catholic Encyclopaedia is that the word “good” was corrupted from the German phrase Gottes Freitag, or God’s Friday, while others contend that the English term was adopted from another German phrase Gute Freitag, or Good Friday.
GINOTOEDRFERSTIDINAGY TRIVIA
CO MM UN IST CU BA CE LE BR AT ES GO OD FR IDA Y pra ctis ing
one for 201 2 was a sig nifi can t mil est mu nis t cou ntr y Chr isti ans in Cub a, as the com ida ys afte r the had can cel led all reli gio us hol r the for me r 195 9 rev olu tion . How eve r, afte the cou ntr y and to pop e Ben edi ct XVI pai d a visi t be rec ogn ise d, req ues ted for Goo d Fri day to d the req ues t to the Cub an gov ern me nt gra nte ent al nat ure of the “co mm em ora te the tra nsc end ern me nt dec lare d pop e’s visi t”. In 201 3, the gov y for the sec ond Goo d Fri day a nat ion al hol ida yea r in a row .
MOMENTOUS
GOOD FRIDAY EVENTS A BBC Radio newscaster went on air and famously announced: “Good evening. Today is Good Friday. There is no news.” Apparently, the media giants had judged that nothing newsworthy had occurred on that day. The station then played piano music for the news segment until regular scheduling took over.
18 April 1930 8
Family & Life • Mar 2014
Dr Denton Cooley became the first surgeon to controversially implant the world’s first artificial heart into Haskell Karp. The machine kept Karp alive for three days while he was waiting for a heart transplant, and although Karp died less than two days after receiving his new human heart, it opened the world to the possibilities of a fully-functioning artificial heart. The operation also sparked a long famous feud between Dr Cooley and his rival Dr Michael DeBakey, which was only resolved close to four decades later in 2007.
4 April 1969
IT’S AN EGGY EASTER! THE EASTER EGG ROLL AT THE WHITE HOUSE
On Easter Sunday, children in America are invited to roll their eggs at the White House Lawn to celebrate the occasion. The event, which began in in 1878 during President Hayes’s administration, was the result of a few intrepid egg rollers who asked President Hayes whether it would be possible to roll their eggs on the South Lawn after they were banned from doing this activity at the Capitol due to the damage it caused. Initially, President Hayes was unaware of this activity and asked his staff about this tradition. After he was told about the Capitol ban, the President issued an official order that children would be welcomed to roll their eggs at the White House Lawn.
An estimated 70,000 people linked arms to form a human chain between three nuclear weapons centres in Berkshire, England as part of an anti-nuclear demonstration. The unbroken human chain stretched for an incredible 21 kilometres along Kennet Valley. When the protesters finally broke the chain to go for a rally, the chairman of the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament said: “It is a great victory, and especially a victory over the Government’s propaganda. We have defeated the Government today.”
1 April 1983
FRIDAY!
BURNING
EASTER SUNDAY QUESTIONS! WHY DO WE EAT CHOCOLATE QEGGS DURING EASTER? A
Well, eggs are a potent symbol of life, renewal and rebirth dating back for a few millennium, and were adopted by early Christians to signify the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The tradition of eating eggs on Easter is also tied to Lent, the six-week period before Easter during which Christians traditionally abstained from all animal products, including meat, dairy • In ye olde Britain, the churches would hold an egg throwing festival. and eggs. Since the chickens would continue to lay eggs during Lent, The priest would give out one hard-boiled egg that would be tossed the Christians would hard boil the eggs so that they would not spoil and around the nave of the church and the choirboy holding the egg save them for Easter. As for chocolate, well, children love chocolate, and when the clock struck twelve would get to keep it. coating the eggs in chocolate gave the ritual a fun, kid-friendly twist. • In the past, children in Germany were very adept at egg throwing. They devised a technique to spin the egg during the toss such that it would land on the ground on its tip while it was still spinning. Talk about talent!
MORE EASTER EGG TRADITIONAL GAMES
• In Holland, the Dutch children would play a game called egg sales. One child would sell an egg to another child. Then, the new owner of the egg would throw the egg at the grass and if it did not break, then the egg had to be returned to the seller. The country also has an egg dancing game. Children would dance inside a large circle of eggs and had to try to work their way out without breaking any of the eggs.
Q A
WHAT ABOUT THE EASTER BUNNY THEN?
Rabbits and hares are prolific breeders; female hares are able to get pregnant again while already pregnant! This is why they are also seen as symbols of fertility. As for why rabbits hop amok on Easter Sunday since there were no furry-eared animals during the resurrection of Jesus, many historians believe that this tradition has pagan roots and can be traced back to 13thcentury, pre-Christianity Germany, where they worshipped several deities, one of which was Ostara, • The practice of decorating and the goddess of spring and fertility whose symbol was the colouring eggs for Easter was made rabbit. Then, as Christianity slowly became the dominant famous in 1290 by the English king religion in the country, the people incorporated its Edward I, who spent 18 pence heritage into the religion’s practices. for 450 eggs to be coloured and gold-leafed in time for Easter. an Easter gift for his wife Empress Marie Fedorovna. Peter worked with the czar to design and create the egg. Known as the Hen Egg, the Easter • In 1885, Peter Carl Fabergé surprise was crafted from gold and hid a number of jewelled surprises. was commissioned by the This creation also marked the start of a yearly Imperial tradition that Russian czar Alexander the continued for 32 years. Third to craft a bejewelled egg as
THE MOST PROMINENT EASTER EGGS IN HISTORY
The oil tanker Exxon Valdez struck Prince William Sound’s Bligh Reef and spilled an estimated 750,000 barrels of crude oil into the ocean. The effects of the spill, considered to be one of the most devastating environmental disasters caused by humans, could still be felt 20 years after the disaster, with some researchers estimating that the areas affected by the spill could take up to 30 years to recover. For its part in the accident, Exxon was fined S$507.5 million, which was finally paid in full on 15 December 2009.
24 March 1989
The first democratically elected East German government met in parliament for the first and only time. Besides discussing official matters, the government also acknowledged and took responsibility for the Nazi holocaust, and asked for forgiveness from the world.
12 & 13 April 1990
The youngest son of assassinated civil rights activist Martin Luther King, Dexter Scott King, met his father’s murderer, James Earl Ray, face to face for the first time in a prison conference room. Decades ago, Ray had recanted his confession and had continually maintained his innocence, and finally, the King family declared on this day that they believed Ray was innocent of the crime.
28 March 1997 Mar 2014 • Family & Life
9
COVERSTORY
Just Your Everyday Son, Husband and Father By Farhan Shah
Ching Wei Hong might be the Chief Operating Officer in OCBC Bank and the Chairman of Families for Life but just like you and me, he can occasionally be exasperated with his teenage children. We sit down with him, coffee in hand, and discuss his thoughts about the struggles of the average Singaporean family.
We are seated around the glass dining table and Ching, who has made himself comfortable at the head of the table, is telling me about his idea to collaborate with the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) to organise lunchtime talks for parent employees in OCBC Bank. “It would be great to have a talk about, for example, handling difficult teens!” Ching says jokingly before giving a knowing, almost imperceptible glance at his two teenage children, Marianne and Christian. “I think there would be a huge audience on that day!” In spite of its subtlety, the silent glance spoke volumes about Ching’s everyday worries. He might be the COO for OCBC Bank, ranked the second strongest bank in the world last year by Bloomberg Markets, but Ching Wei Hong is just like any other parent on the street, grappling with
I told them I hardly embodied the concept of work-life balance! For many years, I struggled to get home in time to have dinner with my family. Once, my secretary even sat down with me and said: ‘Let’s try to plan one day in the week when you can get home on time to have dinner with your family.’ The plan never came into fruition.
10
Family & Life • Mar 2014
the pains of dealing with and raising a teenager (in his case, two) in the home while handling the everyday stressors of life. But if there is a person capable of understanding the intricacies of the adolescent mind, Ching would top the list, such is his dedication to the family cause in Singapore. “The family is a very important component of society. When I was growing up, I saw all the different family variations possible – single-parent families, broken families, etc. Yet, at the end of the day, there is nothing that can
be compared to blood ties. Whether we like it or not, we are a son or a daughter, a father or a mother. This is my most important role – being a son and a father.” This unwavering devotion was the main reason why Ching was approached by the MSF in August 2013 to take over the reins of the former National Family Council, recently renamed to Families for Life. It was an opportunity he immediately took up without any hesitation. “Separately, I was already thinking of the different ways that I would be able to contribute back to society and when this chance came, I snapped it up,” says the father of two. Ching is no stranger to tackling such responsibilities; he served for two years on the board of the now defunct Businesses for Families Council. However, the father of two candidly admits that he is quite possibly one of the worst candidates for the leadership role. “It was actually one of the first few thoughts that crossed my mind when they approached me. I told them I hardly embodied the concept of work-life balance!” admits Ching good-naturedly. “For many years, I struggled to get home in time to have dinner with my family. Once, my secretary even sat down with me and said: ‘Let’s try to plan one day in the week when you can get home on time to have dinner with your family.’ The plan never actually came into fruition.” Ching acknowledges the difficulties many parents in Singapore face, juggling the responsibilities of work with the duties of raising a family. Hearing Ching’s perspective and thoughts about the multi-faceted challenges that the average Singapore
family in our island deals with is a refreshing change from the typical narrative you read about, i.e. that only low-income families struggle with the burden of daily living. The reality is far more complex than that and Ching recognises that each strata of society comes with its own set of familial problems and issues. Ching personally dealt with one such situation in the previous year when his father lived with his family for a period of time prior to his passing. “Our roof was essentially housing a three-generation family. My wife and I had to look after him and our children and it was not easy. I am fortunate that I have the resources to look after him and that we were able to get the needed help. But, what about people who are less well-off? What are the avenues that they can turn to?” Ching questions. Ching himself sought the answers to these concerns, reaching out to people in the social work and medical industries and asking them whether there was help available for different groups of families. “They told me about the various types of schemes available. The problem, however, is that not everyone has access to this valuable information.” This is what Ching hopes to fix with the mandate given to him as the chairman of Families for Life. By creating relevant two-way conversations with different sets of parents – parents with young children, parents of teenagers, the sandwiched class, etc. – Ching wants to build strong and resilient families. To do that, Ching has created what he calls the “365-day approach”, an initiative that recognises the futility of organising a couple of big events a year in the name of forging stronger family bonds. Rather, Ching wants to attack the different problems plaguing today’s household from the ground up by putting forward the idea that it is the small little things, such as home dinners and regular communication, which matter. One of the most pressing issues that he hopes to tackle is the tenuous relationship that parents have with teachers, a matter he has strong opinions about. “Parents, not teachers, are the ones responsible for inculcating values in their children. This is not something that can be outsourced. I cringe whenever I hear people asking: ‘Why are the teachers not teaching this at school?’ I tell them that this is not the teachers’ responsibility,” says Ching calmly. “Rather, it starts with them at home. It starts with us as mothers or fathers and it reflects the type of
values that we impart to our children.” Of course, in this day and age, it is easier said than done, with stories of parents outsourcing parenting duties to grandparents or the domestic help while they work hard to bring the bacon home becoming more and more common. In fact, Ching and his wife too fell into the trap a long time ago. At that time, Ching was working in a multinational company and him and his significant other had to travel frequently as part of their jobs. When the both of them were away from Singapore for work, his two children were under the care of two Indonesian helpers. “One day, we came home and we realised that both Marianne and Christian were speaking Bahasa Indonesia! Their vocabulary was heavily weighted in favour of Bahasa rather than English and this caused us quite a lot of concern,” recalls Ching with a chortle. Ching and his wife knew that they had to make significant changes to their lives and travel schedules in order to rectify the situation before it got any worse. The most important adjustment they had to make was to spend more time as a family with their children. Ching’s wife had the fortune of being able to work from home on certain occasions, which helped immensely. The both of them also synchronised their work travel schedules so that there would always be a parental presence at home. Today, Marianne and Christian have grown up to become thoughtful, passionate teenagers. Marianne, who is 18 this year, aspires to be an entrepreneur while Christian, who is a year younger, is a fervent environmentalist and animal lover. “I think animal poachers are as bad as slave traders,” he forcefully expresses during the interview. Ching quips: “At one point, we could almost recognise and name all the animals in the zoo, such was the frequency of our visits! Heck, he could spell the words ‘diplodocus’ and ‘tyrannosaurus rex’ even before he could spell ‘mother’ and ‘father’.” Unfortunately, Ching laments, he has lost the both of them to the demands of school, project work and friends. However, the family makes it a point to go on “tightly planned, coordinated and non-negotiable” family holidays, usually during the week of Christmas.
Parents, not teachers, are the ones responsible for inculcating values in their children. This is not something that can be outsourced. I cringe whenever I hear people asking: ‘Why are the teachers not teaching this at school?’ I tell them that this is not the teachers’ responsibility. Rather, it starts with them at home. Ching also regularly volunteers with his children at the soup kitchen to remind them of how fortunate and blessed they are with the cards that life has dealt them. Within OCBC Bank, Ching has also helped to put into place a variety of enviable family-friendly measures such as the PSLE Leave Scheme, which actually became the subject of a heated debate. Senior Minister of State Josephine Teo even weighed in with her own opinion about the initiative; she was critical of the move. The bone of contention was that OCBC Bank was feeding into the examination frenzy and encouraging over-parenting. Ching himself was puzzled with the fuss. To him, all the Bank was doing was putting the needs of the employees first and foremost. After all, happy employees usually equate to engaged staff and higher productivity. This family-first policy also extends to the employees’ everyday affairs. “In my office, the rule is that if
anybody has a family emergency at any point during the day, they should just get out of the office. They do not have to ask for permission or write an email. Just leave. Family is important,” says Ching. It is remarkable how Ching understands the joys, struggles and plight of the average Singapore family despite his lofty position. But, perhaps, it should not come as a surprise since Ching deals with the same teenage problems that his contemporaries face. “When my kids were in their early teens, I wanted to teach them sailing. However, between the boat and the computer, I lost out to the computer and the iPhone!” Ching says, laughing while giving the same imperceptible glance to his two sheepish teenage children. At the end of the day, Ching is just trying to be the best son, husband and father he can be, and judging by the looks of things, he is doing a really good job at it. Mar 2014 • Family & Life
11
FOCUS
Grooming the Fourth By Farhan Shah
He is the grandson of a wealthy Chinese merchant, heads one of the largest and oldest wine and spirit companies in Singapore, and handles tens of millions of dollars every day. Yet, nothing gives him more joy and comfort than bathing his infant daughter.
Generation Clinton Ang meticulously positions the large portrait of his daughter Cora on the wall before turning to me and asks: “What do you think?” There is a large grin on his face and when I give him the thumbs up to indicate my approval, he climbs down from the makeshift ladder and joins me to admire his handiwork. “She’s something, isn’t she?” Clinton says, his voice clearly enveloped in admiration and love.
We are standing in the middle of Privé Grill, the venue of Cora’s first birthday party, and the entire restaurant is a hubbub of activity. Servers are breaking out the cases of wine and decanting their contents; the events manager is making her final checks on the seating arrangements; the AV technicians are laying out the cables. In the middle of all of this is Clinton, overseeing and leading the preparations. It is a position the 40-year-old has grown accustomed to and thrives in. After all, Clinton is the Managing Director of Hock Tong Bee, one of the oldest and largest independent wine and spirit companies in Singapore.
Clinton represents the third generation of the Ang family, tasked not only with guiding the family-owned business into the fourth generation but to manage the family’s significant investments, which is estimated at more than S$100 million. And although the businessman seems quite at home in his undeniably stressful position, Clinton admits that was not the case when he was appointed by his father to be the next in line to the Hock Tong Bee throne. “In my head, I was thinking ‘Why would you do that?’ Typically, the eldest son would take over the family business and the youngest gets to enjoy!” Clinton says with a laugh. “When my father asked me to take over, I actually asked him, ‘Is it because I drink so much that you would rather I drink our own stock than our competitors?’” Instead of coasting into the business on his father’s coattails, Clinton started from the bottom, joining the team in 1997 as a sales and marketing executive before slowly rising through the ranks. So, when the reins were thrust into his hands in 2003 after his father’s unexpected passing, Clinton was ready. There was a lot to be done but before he could begin, Clinton knew that he had to win over the hearts and minds of his fellow colleagues, some of whom had been with the company for many decades. “I actually grew up with a lot of the older employees. I was always helping out in the company during my school holidays, so they knew who I was. When I took over the business, they saw me as a symbol of hope and continuity,” he says. The second task on his checklist was to accelerate the automation process and future-proof the company. With any major restructuring exercise, redundancy is inevitable. However, Clinton made a bold promise to his employees. “My commitment, which still stands now, was that if you cannot do your current job anymore, we will transfer you to a new position. We have a Chinese saying that when translated into English goes like this: ‘Even if you do not contribute in terms of quality, you have contributed in terms of the quantity of your time.’ Even during the tough times, we had no retrenchments.”
12
Family & Life • Mar 2014
Eleven years into his tenure at the helm of the company, Clinton has steadily guided Hock Tong Bee through many ups and downs, from the move to its current premises in 2006 – a seven-storey building complete with wine warehouses and storage facilities – to the global financial crisis in 2008. However, Clinton acknowledges that for all his savvy business acumen and leadership qualities, raising a family is still a large mystery to him. “In the company, I am the answers to all questions. When it comes to Cora, I am the answers to no questions!” he exclaims, chortling loudly. “When it comes to Cora, it is a whole different ball game.” To Clinton, his business successes, his numerous charitable efforts, his contributions and commitment to grooming a new generation of entrepreneurs, all of these pale in comparison to the simple act of bathing Cora. He discloses how he initially handed over these seemingly mundane duty to his household help but decided to try it as part of his efforts to do everything at least once. Now, Clinton insists on bathing her every day. “You might think that it is just a process; I used to think that too. But, it is so much more than that. Cora knows that I am showering her and she will give me this wonderful smile. Let me tell you, the feeling is incredible. The level of closeness you achieve with this unassuming chore is very different.” For the most part of his day, Clinton is knee-deep in the business, going for meals with his clients or entertaining them during a round of golf. However, each day without fail, he will return home in time to run Cora’s bath. This fastidious attention to his work-life balance is quite the juggling act but Clinton strongly believes in spending quality time together as a family. He comments: “Nowadays, parents are so busy with their work and careers. A lot of them tend to buy affection; they will purchase toys and such to compensate for the time they do not spend with their children. But, you don’t actually need quantity of time. What is more important is the quality of time that you spend with your children.”
“At the age of 28, all of my descendants will get a certain percentage of the money in my trust fund to turn their business ideas into fruition,” Clinton shares.
and let me tell you, the feeling is amazing. I dare say that I have never smiled and laughed and felt this warmth in my heart as I have had in the past year,” Clinton says.
Why 28?
He pauses before asking me, “Do you have children? Are you married?”
“My reasoning is quite simple actually. At that age, you have already worked for several years and will have a few ideas in your head that you want to try out. You might be thinking, ‘I wish I had a million dollars to try it out’. Well, if a million dollars is what you need, then you will get it from my trust fund. There is only one condition: it is a one-off deal.”
His time management secret: meticulous, almost to a fault, prioritisation. Everyone has 24 hours a day and Clinton devotes all of them to the pursuit of two values – happiness and health. Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly, money is not one of them. If anything, money is a fortunate by-product of his relentless chase for the two aforementioned qualities. “I don’t need to be a billionaire. Instead, I believe in delivering value. If I have lived my life in delivering value to the community and the people around me, then it is a life well-lived.” It also helps that Clinton is incredibly competitive, a remnant of his days playing badminton in the national youth team. And now that he has a young child, Clinton has also begun making different life choices at the behest of his wife Tina Cheng. For example, Tina has expressively forbade Clinton from playing badminton again. She explains, partly in jest: “I saw him play once and I said, ‘Okay, that is it! No more!’ You see, badminton can actually be a rather strenuous sport and he is a winner at heart, so he goes for every shot. But, he isn’t 18 anymore!” So, now, Clinton exclusively plays golf and swims. He has also limited his intake of refined carbohydrates such as rice, opting for either chicken or fish soup for lunch when he is not entertaining clients. “The first thing Tina told me when we got married was, ‘You must be healthy and live long because you are 11 years older than me and your child will have to rely on you’,” he says.
This issue of reliance, specifically financial dependence, has become the centrepiece of the conversations that Clinton and Tina have almost every night after they put Cora to sleep. Clinton holds the responsibility of managing the family’s enviable wealth and while he acknowledges his good fortune, literally and figuratively, he also understands the heavy burden that comes with this task. Most importantly, he does not want to become another example of the timeless Chinese adage 富不过 三代 (fu bu guo san dai), or “Wealth never survives three generations”. His aim is to give every descendant of the family a stake in the company and while he has set aside a certain amount for Tina and Cora to lead relatively comfortable lives now and in the future, a large portion of his wealth is going into his trust fund.
Ultimately, Clinton wants to stretch as far as possible the wealth that he and his forefathers have worked so hard for, and give every generation of the family the tools and the opportunity to make a name of themselves and succeed. He also wants Cora to understand the pitfalls that come with such wealth and how it should not be left to chance but managed properly, so that the family is able to ride out the peaks and the troughs in the decades to come. That is one of the reasons he prefers to manage his money rather than leaving it to fund managers.
No, I’m not. He gives me an empathising look, as though I’m missing out on a wonderful secret, perhaps even the key to happiness. And as Clinton excitedly shows me a video depicting Cora kissing a picture of him that was published in a magazine and how he turns into a giggling, excited teenager basking in the throes of a first crush, I begin to think that, yes, perhaps I am missing out on something amazing. As for Clinton, he cannot wait to add to his brood and experience fatherhood all over again, but maybe without a giant party during his future second child’s first birthday.
Right now though, at this point in his life, Clinton is just cherishing the memories he creates every day with his two loves, Tina and Cora. “It might sound cliché but, really, to love and be loved is the greatest emotion you will experience in life. I see this every day in Cora’s eyes
I don’t need to be a billionaire. Instead, I believe in delivering value. If I have lived my life in delivering value to the community and the people around me, then it is a life well-lived. Mar 2014 • Family & Life
13
FOCUS
The Biggest Fight of Their Lives By Farhan Shah
Standing in the red corner, weighing a combined total of more than 300 pounds is the Sirucek family – Cole Sirucek, Grace Park and baby Rand – and in the blue corner, at just a few grams, is the scourge of biliary atresia.
I am sitting across Cole Sirucek – former investment professional with Temasek Holdings, founder of EPIC MMA Club, one of the largest fighting gyms in Asia, and co-founder of DocDoc, a revolutionary online healthcare concierge – and he is slowly unbuttoning his shirt in front of me. A few heartbeats later, I see the giant angry scar running vertically down his chest where the surgeons carved him open. The scar is a permanent reminder of perhaps the most painful episode of his life, and one he willingly signed up for. But, the genesis of the scar was about a year back, the culmination of a series of events that led Cole to that moment, naked from the waist up while lying down and looking at a bunch of silhouettes in operating scrubs, wondering how he found himself in this situation. Cole and his wife, Grace Park, had brought their newborn daughter, Rand, for a routine medical appointment. Rand had just turned two-months-old and, by all accounts, was happy and healthy. “I thought the hardest part, the delivery, was already over. Rand had passed the APGAR test and had almost reached the 100-day mark. In Korea, where I am from, this is a landmark occasion. It is a throwback to a historical period when a baby’s survival rate dramatically increases after the first 100 days and we would celebrate it with feasting and parties,” says Grace. Unfortunately, when the medical test results came back, the doctor had bad news. Rand was suffering from biliary atresia, a rare congenital liver defect that occurs when the common bile duct between the liver and the small intestine is blocked or absent. As a result, Rand’s body could not safely transport the bile – a waste by-product – away from the liver, which would eventually result in liver failure. Children who do not have this condition treated rarely survive beyond their second birthday. The clock was ticking down for Rand and her parents. Babies with biliary atresia only had a small window of opportunity to undergo the
14
Family & Life • Mar 2014
Kasai portoenterostomy, a surgical treatment that helps to drain bile from the body, before the prognosis becomes bleak. The later the operation is done, the lower the baby’s chances of survival. “Let me tell you, the first thought that went through my mind when the doctor broke the news to us was: ‘Second opinion!’” Cole says, laughing loudly. It was a brief moment of levity in an otherwise grim situation and it would prove useful in the coming fight ahead as Cole and Grace moved quickly, calling everyone in their phonebooks to find out who the best surgeon in the world was for this delicate and risky operation. Everyone they knew in the medical industry told them that their best bet was to head to Japan and find Dr Koichi Tanaka, a leading pioneer in living-donor liver transplants and one of the central figures who helped advance liver operations to its current state today. The only problem was getting hold of such a busy and influential figure. Salvation came in the form of a family friend, a Singaporean surgeon who worked alongside them for a charitable initiative a few years back. “Cole and I ran 250 kilometres across the Gobi Desert once for charity. We managed to raise about US$75,000, all of which we used to fund heart surgeries for children in Vietnam and China who could not
afford it. The doctor whom we worked with helped us get in touch with Dr Tanaka,” Grace reminisces. Dr Tanaka agreed to carry out the procedure and a whirlwind plane ride later, Cole and Grace found themselves in Japan on 26 March 2013, pacing outside the operating theatre while Dr Tanaka and team operated on baby Rand. To understand the difficulty and magnitude of this operation, imagine opening up the chassis of your laptop computer and looking at all the small parts that make it function. Now, imagine all of these parts moving and pulsating as though they are alive, and you have to make your way through all of them without accidentally dislodging any of them to get to a minute wire, no more than 6 millimetres in diameter. Then, you have to carefully move this wire and attach it to another vibrating part before withdrawing your hands and putting everything back together as it once was. Baby Rand was wheeled out of the theatre, none the worse for wear thanks to the skilful hands of Dr Tanaka. Yet, that was not the end. The Kasai procedure is only a temporary stopgap measure to allow the baby’s body to function normally for a short period of time and most importantly, to grow bigger, so that a liver transplant could be carried out in the near future.
The only question was who would be the donor. “Grace and I actually competed to see who would get the opportunity!” Cole recalls with a smile, “we were training hard before going through the tests that would determine who would be a better donor. The doctors want someone with high VO2 max scores (a measure of how efficiently your body uses oxygen) as it means you’ll recover faster. Of course, the size and shape of your liver, and your blood type also matters.” Now, before you dismiss this as an uneven match-up, you must understand Grace is no slouch herself. The former managing director of a Fortune 500 company is a product of the prestigious West Point military academy and was one of the very few Asian women in her cohort. And do not let her gender fool you, Grace was the second-fittest graduate, losing to a male compatriot by only 0.001 point. At her peak, she was hitting 114 push-ups and 109 sit-ups in two minutes and ran two miles or 3.2 kilometres in 12 minutes 36 seconds. When the both of them went through the tests, Cole was deemed to be a better candidate for the transplant operation, which was pencilled in for 24 September, about six months after the Kasai procedure. That was the day Cole found himself looking up at Dr Tanaka and his band of surgeons in their scrubs and was, in his own words, “scared shitless”. Dr Tanaka, sensing Cole’s heightened, fearful emotions, held his hand. At this point in the interview, Cole stops momentarily, tears welling up in his eyes as he recalls that fateful day. Here is a man who handled investment portfolios worth hundreds of millions of dollars and who fought Muay Thai professionally, overwhelmed by a flood of emotions at the mere thought of his daughter and his selfless deed. “It is heavy,” he says quietly. Fifteen hours later, at 1030 pm, Cole and baby Rand were wheeled out of the operating theatre into the grateful embrace of a worried Grace. Rand had literally been cut into half but had emerged unscathed and alive from the life-threatening operation. As for Cole, well, Cole just wanted to crawl into a dark corner, so bad was the pain. “It was gnarly. A transplant is one of the most painful procedures a male can endure; doctors compare it to childbirth. Coughing, even breathing, hurt. I kept trying to relate the pain I felt to other injuries that I have had in the past and I kept thinking to myself, ‘My goodness this is a thousand times worse’.”
And while his friends and family were carefully patting him on the back and lauding his selflessness and heroism, Cole felt differently about the entire experience. Being a hero was not someone he aspired to be and even though he is being adulated as one up till this day, he still doesn’t see himself as someone special. It is not false modesty but, rather, humility coupled with the realisation of the temporal nature of life. “You are not a hero until the situation presents itself and you do something about it. And when the situation does present itself, you’re not thinking about becoming a hero. You’re just thinking about making the situation better. I don’t feel like pounding my chest or telling the world, ‘I DID THIS! LOOK AT ME!’” He turns contemplative, trying to find the words to articulate an intense emotion that, one might say, can only be fleetingly felt with the soul, an emotion that countless philosophers and authors have tried to distil into their works of literature. “Heroic acts are innately selfless and, at the same time, overwhelming. Humility is what is most often found in their wake independent of the ultimate outcome. I finally understood why many of the brave heroes that we read about are often humbled. The experience definitely gives you a different perspective on the idea of heroism and on life.” Six months after the operation, Cole and baby Rand are in the pink of health, with only the scars on their bodies serving as a memento of their time on the cold surgical tables. And even though baby Rand will be on medication for many years to come, Cole and Grace are just thankful that their bundle of joy is able to experience the joy of living. The taxing ordeal has also solidified Grace’s vision for DocDoc, affirming that the portal is not just a tool to connect families with doctors but to empower them with the two most important things in today’s digital age – information and resources. She acknowledges the crucial role her extensive network played in helping to save baby Rand and she now hopes to put that same power in the hands of every family. “I have a greater conviction of my purpose in life. The experience that the three of us went through; my business; everything is somehow connected. It gives me motivation to be a messenger of hope to all the families out there who might be going through the same predicament that Cole and I did,” says Grace.
I have a greater conviction of my purpose in life. The experience that the three of us went through; my business; everything is somehow connected. It gives me motivation to be a messenger of hope to all the families out there who might be going through the same predicament that Cole and I did. Cole too wants to be a messenger for families, only he comes bearing an entirely different but still purposeful message. “I strongly encourage all families who are about to undergo a major operation to secure the financing they need from their insurance companies as early as possible. Specifically, what you will need is a Letter of Guarantee. Though we finally ended up having full coverage for Rand and myself, I was amazed at the amount of time, effort and energy it took to enforce our policy,” shares Cole, alluding to
the struggles he had with his own insurance company. Ultimately, Grace and Cole want to spread their story and help other families overcome a seemingly insurmountable medical obstacle. The both of them are also in the midst of setting up a charity foundation for this purpose, just one project in a laundry list of initiatives to help disadvantaged families overcome the bad hands life has dealt them. No, they are not heroes and they would not want the tag foisted on them. They would say that they are just being…human. Mar 2014 • Family & Life
15
10MINUTESWITH...
Tay Eu-Yen By Farhan Shah
Butter Factory Co-founder, Semi-retired Party Animal and Mother of One She has worked as a litigator, a law professor and even as a ski instructor but nothing gives her more pleasure than running one of the household names in Singapore’s nightlife industry. Well, almost nothing.
My life has changed dramatically now that there is a new addition to the family – my daughter, Ainsley. My time isn’t mine anymore and my schedule cannot be as spontaneous. I used to do many things on the fly and at my own fancy but now, I have to plan eons ahead in order to show up at an event. I do not see these changes to my life as sacrifices. I just see it as part of parenting; it is a choice. If you have signed up for parenthood, you ought to be happy to make these changes. The arrival of Ainsley has not only broadened my perspective on life but deepened it as well. I now see very clearly what is important to me and what defines me as a person. In all honesty, I now finally prioritise my family in a way that I always claimed I would before but never really did. I have learned to be grateful for all the wonderful things that only my family can give me.
Running a business and raising a family is indeed very difficult and I have no secret in being able to juggle both. I just try my very best every single day to be a good mother and a good boss. I will never be everything to everybody. I just try to make the best choices for Ainsley’s well-being while still being able to balance my time properly. Being a mother and working in the nightlife industry is indeed very challenging. I already decided to take a backseat role when it came to entertaining people at night during my pregnancy. Most of what I do now is actually during normal office hours, in the office. Having said that though, leaving the nightlife industry would mean leaving a part of myself behind just to cope better with a new stage of life. That is just not the kind of thing I would do and not the kind of person that I am. My parenting philosophy is that happiness, health and safety come first and everything else, in the grand scheme of things, is secondary. I sincerely hope that Ainsley will find the two loves that I believe make life whole: a job that you are passionate about and a man she loves. Of course, I would let her follow in my footsteps and carve out a career in the nightlife industry if she chooses to. There is nothing wrong with where I have gone. I believe that parents who stop their children from clubbing are just setting themselves up to be lied to. Trust me, your child will still show up at the club dressed to the nines; you will just be led into thinking that she is at her friend’s house studying! I would never stop my daughter from hitting the clubs. In fact, I do not understand what is so bad about clubbing that our teenage children need to be stopped. Kids need to be educated about the dangers and risks of life, not to be controlled. These are the tenets that my own parents taught me. As a new mother, I would advise new mothers to just do their best, and to be sure that it is really their best. If I could turn back time and do something differently in the past when it comes to my family, it would be prioritising my family rather than my work. 16
Family & Life • Mar 2014
NURTURE
The Pornification of Our Young An over-sexualised culture coupled with using the female body (and increasingly, the male body) to sell products is becoming an unhealthy norm. We tackle how the pornification of the human body in the media is having an unhealthy impact on our children.
From Miley Cyrus seductively licking a sledgehammer to a bevy of topless models cavorting in pop star Robin Thicke’s summer hit music video Blurred Lines to Victoria’s Secret new PINK brand that has a range of underwear specifically targeted at young teenagers with words such as “Wild” and “Call Me” emblazoned on the back, it is clear that today’s marketers and influencers are pushing the boundaries of sexuality to sell their products and offerings. The unwitting pawns in this game of sexual one-upmanship are young children; girls begin to believe that their self-worth is measured by how much they bare in public while boys start forming a distorted view of women and reality. Similar to the effects of pornography on the brain, studies have shown that sexualisation or hypersexualisation interferes with children’s and adults’ ability to develop a healthy sense of sexuality “on [their]
terms and disrupts the possibility of healthy intimacy”. Melissa Wardy, author and mother of two, believes there is so much sexualisation in the media that the public has become massively immune to it. “Sexualisation has become more gratuitous and accessible and we regularly see the sexualisation of young girls in the media without public outcry. As one media content creator pushes the envelope, the bar slides. Then, everybody begins to get away with more. Then comes the next one who needs the shock factor, and so on. I would not say society has become more accepting of it. Rather, we have become desensitised to it.” Renowned presenter, speaker and activist Cordelia Anderson fully agrees with Melissa. She says: “More sexually harmful images and messages have become the new normal. What was once considered ‘explicit’ is now tame and the hypersexualisation of children as well as the pornification of images of all ages
is becoming increasingly mainstream, if not already so.” The proliferation of digital devices such as smartphones and tablets in today’s society have also contributed to this epidemic. Wardy indicates that this shift from personal to digital communication allows for “these sexualised images to be omnipresent, whereas a decade ago, they would have been limited to magazines, television or movies, billboards, and other traditional advertising”. And as the average age of digital device users becomes younger and younger, it means even more children are growing up surrounded by this sexual imagery and will begin to think that these are normal. And while both Wardy and Anderson do agree that there are differences in the Western and Eastern media’s sexualisation of people, the Internet has slowly but surely blurred geographical lines, according to Anderson. Wardy points out that “Western women are more often objectified in a way that is more pornographic and violent”, while Eastern countries often objectify women to “uphold homogenised European beauty ideals (white skin, round eyes, etc.)”, explaining the popularity of whitening creams in Asia.
THE EFFECT OF THE MEDIA’S SEXUALISATION ON YOUNG BOYS AND GIRLS Wardy: Young girls are deeply impacted by sexualisation in the media. For the girls in my eight-yearold daughter’s generation, sexualisation has tainted items like toys and clothing, which have been marketed to them since they were babies. Sexy dolls and cartoon characters fill their childhood, and this toxic media is everywhere as they grow up to become young women. Sexualisation teaches girls to view their bodies as objects for the enjoyment of others and it teaches them to be concerned about being “hot” at all times – that being hot gives them worth and that “hot” has a very narrow definition. Research has shown us that sexualisation can cause depression, anxiety, poor school performance, eating disorders, self-harm, substance abuse and early promiscuity in girls. Anderson: Although there is not a wealth of parallel research done on the effects of sexualisation on young boys and men, there are incipient studies that indicate that the boys’ brain functions are impacted the same way arousal to pornography makes it difficult for the subject to be aroused in the same way to a real person. The young boys believe that they are supposed to behave in a certain way and their ideas of what they believe women want are heavily distorted. To add on to Wardy’s thoughts, many young girls also begin to prioritise their appeal to males over other aspects of themselves such as intelligence, athleticism and their own interests. PROTECTING YOUR CHILDREN The first step you can take to protect your children is to introduce media literacy in the home. However, instead of clamping down on the type of television shows that your kids watch or heavily monitoring their Internet usage, Anderson recommends that parents be open to what their children like but, at the same time, talk about their own values and beliefs if they are concerned. She says: “A parent’s job is to do what they can to help children develop in healthy, safe, respectful and loving ways, and if parents believe that there are messages that make that more difficult or are toxic to their healthy development, then you have a job to not only limit exposure but help them develop a critical eye.” Wardy advocates helping children to establish a personal “brand” and using this “brand” as a benchmark to weigh the messages they receive. This teaches them to think critically about and question what the media is showing them.
Mar 2014 • Family & Life
17
NURTURE
Is Your Child A
Cyberbully?
Singapore has over 104% Internet penetration in 2012 and is far and away one of the most connected countries in the world. While this is great news for us, it also brings with it a host of other problems. One of the biggest – cyberbullying.
Here is a sobering thought: Singapore, the second smallest Asian country after the island of Maldives, has the second-highest rate of online bullying among children and youths between the ages of eight and 17, according to a 2012 cyberbullying study conducted by Microsoft. Among the children polled, 58 percent said that they were subjected to a range of online activities that can be categorised as online bullying and that may have adverse effects. In what might have been the first case of a death in Singapore as a result of cyberbullying, a 16-year-old Burmese girl jumped to her death in July 2013 after she was subjected to a flurry of hateful comments on Facebook from her ex-boyfriend. Interestingly, Singapore is only one of two countries (the other being China) in the survey that has a greater rate of bullying online than offline. Associate Professor of Criminal Justice Dr Thomas Holt, who wrote a paper regarding the consequences of bullying victimisation in Singapore youth, attributes this to our country’s significantly higher Internet penetration rate. “The ease of access to technology may make cyberbullying more attractive to youths. They have an almost immediate access to computers and smartphones, which might help to foster an environment that is more conducive for bullying behaviour. The lower incidence of physical bullying could be directly correlated to their ability to engage in cyberbullying instead, though it may also have to do with religious and cultural attitudes towards violence,” explains Dr Holt.
The ease of access to technology may make cyberbullying more attractive to youths. They have an almost immediate access to computers and smartphones, which might help to foster an environment that is more conducive for bullying behaviour. 18
Family & Life • Mar 2014
What exactly is cyberbullying? Dr Holt: One of the problems of cyberbullying is that the definition really varies across different cultures. However, in my opinion, one of the best definitions comes from two researchers, Hinduja and Patchin, who argue that cyberbullying is wilful and repeated harm inflicted through the medium of electronic text. This could be anything from a hurtful e-mail to posting an embarrassing picture or video of another person through social media.
Why would someone be so hurtful to another person or even friend online? Dr Holt: There might be several reasons why youths engage in
cyberbullying. Besides the ease of access to social networking sites and text messaging, youths might feel that it is easy to send hurtful messages online because they do not actually have to interact with the person whom they are commenting about. Furthermore, the fact that others can jump in and back up their comments may also make cyberbullying more attractive due to the support they can receive. In the online sphere, people constantly say hurtful things to one another and this environment may make it easier for people to cyberbully since everyone seems to be doing it without any repercussions.
Males
Females
More likely to engage in or experience physical bullying
More likely to experience and engage in cyberbullying
Male cyberbullies are more likely to post hurtful pictures or videos
Female cyberbullies prefer spreading rumours about other females
Male victims are more inclined to keep quiet about the cyberbullying
Female victims were more inclined to report cyberbullying to adults
Male bullies tend to be more spontaneous and forceful
Female bullies tend to be more organised, planning and manipulating the bullying
Aggression is usually more direct, verbal and overt
Aggression is usually relational and involves covert methods based on social isolation
How do I know if my child is a victim of cyberbullying? Dr Holt: If your child is a victim, he or she may be skipping school for no reason, suddenly start receiving failing grades, emotionally withdraw from others, report feeling depressive symptoms and might even start talking about suicide.
Now that you know about the dangers of cyberbullying, what can you do to make sure your children are protected from cyberbullying and, more importantly, understand how to handle bullies? Besides monitoring your kids’ online activities and regularly talking to them about the risks associated with social media, it’s also important to ask them whether they have been bullied online. At the same time, much like how we teach our kids proper etiquette offline, teaching your children how to behave like a gentleman or lady online will ensure that the online future is rosier for everyone.
Character =
c i m e d a c A e c n e l l e c Ex
More Than a Decade in Character Building
In today’s digital age, it has become even harder for parents to prepare their children for the pressures of school and adult life. We take a look at the Character Montessori programme, a specially-designed approach that purportedly offers your child one of the best possible starts. What are your most memorable success stories of children who are part of the Character Montessori programme? Grace: We once had a boy named Ian who was very unhappy in his previous school and had always complained that he had no friends there. His parents also witnessed first-hand how his classmates did not want to sit next to him, so they approached us and enrolled him in our school instead. I was pleased to hear that after nine months, Ian had transformed into a confident and socially adept child. The best part: all of his classmates were his friends! His parents’ close friends and relatives also noticed the tremendous improvement in Ian’s character and social skills. At home, Ian’s mother noticed that her little boy had become very independent and confident, finding ways to keep himself busy instead of demanding for his mother’s attention, which he was previously fond of. When Ian went to Primary One, he was even given leadership positions in class! How does the CM programme help to prepare a child for school and subsequently, adult life? Grace: Well, the onset of the digital age has shrunk the world and changed the skills necessary for Singaporeans to compete on the global stage. Our country’s education system is now trying to help our children to develop skills such as teamwork, creative thinking, etc. Unfortunately, the focus is still on written exams; to do well in such exams, there is still a lot of pen and paper work. Thus, to be successful in navigating school, we inculcate in children the traits of confidence, resilience, boldness, attentiveness, patience and more as a foundation to meet these shifting demands of life. When we train children to wait for their turn, they develop the ability to delay gratification and gain self-control. Professor Walter Mischel’s famous Stanford University marshmallow test showed a striking correlation: pre-schoolers who could wait 15 minutes for their treat had significantly higher SAT scores and had less substance abuse later in life compared to those who could not wait. In Character Montessori, character traits such as independence, boldness and creativity are taught, caught and practised daily.
Grace Yong is the founder and current principal of Character Montessori, and is the first certified Singaporean Character Education Practitioner, accredited by The Abraham Lincoln Centre for Character Development (USA). Grace also holds a Master in Education from James Cook University.
Call
65070 444
enquiries@cm-preschool.com
www.cm-preschool.com Join our facebook group parents4character
A Beautiful Transformation Counts
Ang Mo Kio
Punggol
161 Ang Mo Kio Ave 4
420 Punggol Rd
New
New
Yishun
2 Yishun Ind St 1 Northpoint BizHub
Bishan
1 Pemimpin Dr One Pemimpin
(Franchise-Biz Available)
Mar 2014 • Family & Life
19
NURTURE
Raising Generation “ ” for Entitled
E
By Maureen Schuster
It is fast becoming an out-of-control epidemic that might result in a generation that is unable to fend for themselves. What are we talking about? Self-entitled children, of course. We delve into the issue and discover ways to help you raise caring and thoughtful children instead.
“This is for your own good.” When we were children, we never liked hearing those words. Undoubtedly, they meant that we were about to be told to do something that we did not want to do, most likely eating our broccoli. Unfortunately, today’s modern parents seldom utter those ominous words. Nowadays, children are rarely expected to make their bed, help set the table for dinner or achieve academic excellence based solely on a desire to learn. The aspirations of most children now revolve around owning the newest technical gadget, and academic success hinges on the promise of financial and material rewards. These children are known as self-entitled children. They are defined by an innate belief that they deserve whatever it is they want immediately without earning it, and that their bad behavior is without consequence. Often enough, parents only have the best intentions for their children, which is that they just want more for their child than they had and they do not want them to struggle. However, being overprotective has been proven to have a negative impact on their development, not to mention breeding a sense of entitlement. Fiona Walker, Principal of Schools and CEO of Julia Gabriel Education in Singapore says: “I remember a number of children who had really low muscle tone and had poor coordination and self-help skills, as they had not had to feed or dress themselves. They were fearful of taking risks.” These problems are compounded even more when the children grow up. Extensive research has demonstrated that there is a connection between overprotective parents and a difficulty in getting a job after college or university. These children
20
Family & Life • Mar 2014
have an overblown expectation of success and status, and are uncomfortable with uncertainty. Ultimately, parents have forgotten that a little struggle helps to create resilient children who in turn, become competent adults. In Singapore, it is not uncommon for families to employ full-time household help. Consequently, the children in these families are usually not responsible for household chores and have everything done for them. Walker explains: “Children have a growing sense of not wanting to reduce themselves by doing what they consider menial tasks. Cleaning, mopping, tidying and preparing food are considered menial tasks because they only see the domestic helper doing such tasks.” The process of entitlement can start out small. One mother, while eating lunch with a few of her mom friends, admits that her four-yearold daughter only eats meals in front of the television and refuses to eat anything except chicken fingers and yogurt. The mom shrugs and explains: “After work I am so tired. It is just easier to give in than to fight with her.” Sound familiar? This loss of parental power sets the tone for the child being the decision maker in the family despite being at such a tender age. Parents who consistently give in to children’s demands, use material items to appease, bail them out of trouble and require nothing in return are not doing their children any favors. Walker details the long term negative effects. “Children who grow up with a sense of self-entitlement are very likely to be disappointed because the world does not actually owe them anything, and when starting out in a new career or life away from home they may very well have to start at the bottom and have to take care of themselves, washing and or preparing their own meals. To think that one is above doing that is going to be a huge problem. The irony is that parents who feel that they are giving their child everything are actually robbing them of what they really need.”
STRATEGIES TO AVOID RAISING A SELF-ENTITLED CHILD As the parent, you are in control. Provide consistent expectations of behavior and appropriate consequences if not followed. Parenting is not a popularity contest and it is actually okay if your children do not always like you. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude begins with a simple thank you when being served, and sending handwritten thank you notes. Learning to appreciate the small things is an important part of thankfulness. Fiona suggests daily discussions detailing what went well during the day and what could have gone a bit differently. Maintaining daily gratitude ensures your children will have a thankful heart. Spend time, not money. Happiness cannot be bought; take materialism out of your lives when possible. Instead, spend time with children building memories. Kids might not always remember fancy trips but will always cherish those afternoons spent with mom crafting bracelets. Do for others. Put others before self. Use your talents and hard work to make the world a better place by helping those in need. Focusing on others decreases self-centered thinking. Chores. Give each child ageappropriate chores to complete; folding laundry or caring for a younger sibling are good starting points. This builds responsibility and with everyone pitching in, housework feels more like a team effort. Money management. Don’t become a human ATM. Handing out cash does not teach responsibility. Instead, provide a modest allowance to educate them about money management. A portion of each allowance should be designated for saving, donating and spending which can be used for those occasional wants. Let them fail! Allow your children to fail when the consequences are minimal. When your child fails a test, resist the urge to contact the teacher and request a makeup exam. Instead, explain the consequences of not preparing adequately and the benefits of time management. Allowing children to experience failure teaches lessons and provides life-affirming opportunities for success in the future.
HEALTH
One Baby with Black Hair and Brown Eyes – No Asthma Please In the 1997 science fiction film Gattaca, the future is presented as a society where babies’ traits are genetically manipulated. Almost two decades later, this might actually become a reality. We explore the implications.
A SELECTION OF GENETIC DISEASES
Thirty-six years ago, the first human to be conceived in a petri dish took her first few breaths in this world, much to the relief of her parents and the two doctors – Patrick Steptoe and Robert Edwards – who developed the ground-breaking procedure now known as in vitro fertilisation (IVF) . Today, that baby named Louise Brown is happily married with an eight-year-old son and another on the way. Just as how Brown has grown and developed in the past three decades, scientists too have increasingly refined the baby-making process, making possible options to parents that once only existed in the pages of science fiction novels. Now, the human race has the unprecedented power to influence the physical characteristics of the next generation. From removing the genetic markers responsible for debilitating diseases to even choosing the gender and athletic ability of your baby, we are beginning to play God.
• Werdnig-Hoffman spinal muscular atrophy Babies who are affected will usually not live past two years. In severe cases, some also pass away within weeks of being born. • Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy Affecting about 1 in 3,600 boys, DMD results in muscle degeneration and eventual death. Patients afflicted with DMD usually live to around 25. Females are usually the carriers of the disease while the males are the ones affected by the disease. • Breast cancer type 1 Scientifically called BRCA1, this gene actually plays an important role in repairing damaged DNA. However, if BRCA1 itself is damaged by a BRCA mutation, then this increases the risk of breast cancer.
HOW DOES PGD WORK?
• Beta-thalassemia There are three main forms that can result from beta-thalassemia: thalassemia major, thalassemia intermedia and thalassemia minor. Children who have the first two forms usually require lifelong blood transfusions while those with the minor form need to be regularly monitored.
A woman’s egg are fertilized with sperm in a lab, creating several embryos Embryo
The question is: should we? Currently, creating a so-called designer baby is through a technique called preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD). Three-day-old embryos will be genetically profiled in a laboratory to test whether any of them carry the genes that would result in a disease. Those that do not will be planted into the woman’s womb while the rest will be destroyed. In Singapore, PGD is only allowed for couples who are legally married and who are at risk of passing on certain genetic diseases to their offspring. According to Professor P C Wong, Head of the Division of Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at the NUH Women’s Centre, “PGD is able to test for 23 different genetic diseases and 13 chromosomal imbalances”. Using PGD for any other purposes such as selecting the gender of the baby is banned here, although this has not deterred determined couples who fly to places like Thailand and the United States just to be absolutely certain that they would be welcoming a bouncing baby boy or girl.
A single cell is removed from each embryo, and then tested for biomarkers Embryos identified with markers
Only embryos with the biomarkers for the required traits are placed in the woman’s womb
The first successful case of PGD in Singapore was in 2009, as reported in the Ann als Academy of Medicine Singapore. A 36-yea r-old Chinese woman and her husband, who wer e both betathalassaemia carriers and who had a daughter affected by the disease, requested for PGD so that their second child would not be a carrier. The lady managed to get pregnant in the second cycle and gave birth to a healthy baby boy who did not have the defective gene.
However, as more and more genetic markers that lead to the onset of different diseases are being identified, we are fast approaching a moral crossroads of deciding whether we should allow PGD for everything, from deafness and blindness to even facial deformities. Ethicists are divided on this issue. People who are for it, such as Janet Malek, a bioethicist in the Brody School of Medicine, argue that “we have a moral duty to spare the next generation” while those who are against it point out that we are essentially saying carriers of the disease, such as the 36-year-old Singaporean Chinese woman, should not even be born. Religion organisations have also not explicitly weighed in on the issue yet, especially when it comes to whether governments should allow their people to legally play God. It is a moral conundrum that BELRIS, a think-tank based in Singapore that funds research addressing the controversial bioethics brought about by the advances in reproductive technology, wants to pour money in to investigate. The problem with the advancements that we have made in science is that we still have an incredibly limited understanding of how these genes function in our body in tandem with each other. Incredibly, researchers have discovered and estimated that all of us unknowingly carry genes that are linked to at least three diseases. Ironically, the man who invented the microchip that can test for 1,500 genetic traits attributes his “faulty” genes for determining his future. Dr Brandon Colby, founder of Existence Genetics, was born with epidermolysis bullosa simplex, a condition that causes blisters on his hands and feet when exposed to heat and friction. It was because of this disease that sparked his interest in genetics. As we venture even further into the unchartered and morally ambiguous territory of genetics, sooner or later, we have to answer difficult questions and the answer, unfortunately, cannot be scientifically tested. Rather, it has to come from the one place that has so far confounded the best of scientists – the heart and the mind. Mar 2014 • Family & Life
21
HEALTH
I Can(not) See Now By Jade Tan
Instead of singing Johnny Nash’s hit song, you are starting to wonder why you are beginning to trip over the obstacles in your way. You might actually be suffering from presbyopia, or 老花 眼 (lao hua yan), one of the most common sight ailments affecting people above the age of 40.
What had seemed so clear to her in the past morphed into a big, distorted mess when she hit her late-forties. Heather Lim, Chief Operations Officer of Carl Zeiss Southeast Asia, could no longer clearly see what was right in front of her. Like many others her age, Heather suffers from presbyopia, otherwise known as
“I would struggle to read documents in the office, which was slowing down my daily work and causing me a lot of frustration,” Heather recalls. “If I ever forgot my reading glasses at work, my day would be very difficult.” Also often called short-arm syndrome (named as such because sufferers tend to hold the reading material at a distance to see it better), presbyopia has less to do with our limbs as it does with our eyes. When we are young, the lenses of our eyes are soft and flexible, allowing them to easily morph into different shapes to focus on near and far objects. As we hit our forties, however, these lenses become more hard and rigid due to age, making it more difficult for our eyes to switch focuses between near and far distances. Since our default lens shape provides long-sighted focus, viewing things that are right in front of us becomes harder.
STAGES AND TYPES OF PRESBYOPIA Incipient Presbyopia This is the earliest stage of presbyopia. Your eyes strain to read small print for long periods of time, but you otherwise do fine in other near-vision tasks. Functional Presbyopia This is the second and third stage of presbyopia. Your eyes feel tired or encounter difficulty when doing close-up work such as reading regular-sized text, using a mobile phone or even sewing. It might also take a while for your eyes to readjust after switching focus from near objects to ones at a distance, especially when there is a certain degree of concentration involved. You might also find the need to hold whatever you are focusing on, such as reading materials or artwork, at arm’s length. Absolute Presbyopia In the final stage of presbyopia, your eyes are unable to focus on near objects at all, causing blurred or double vision and even headaches. Although presbyopia is a common ailment for those over the age of 40, according to Dr Koh Liang Hwee, President of the Singapore Optometric Association, exposure to sunlight and regular close-up actions can cause its premature occurrence. Some people are also
Family & Life • Mar 2014
Glaucoma Glaucoma patients suffer from high fluid pressure in the eyes that damage the delicate optic nerve, key in facilitating vision. The disease usually affects people above the age of 50 and has no early symptoms; patients start to experience sight loss, starting from their peripheral vision, which can lead to irreversible blindness. Glaucoma usually cannot be prevented but if you have a family history of the disease, it is advisable to go for regular eye examinations in your forties.
老花眼 (lao hua yan).
22
OTHER COMMON AGE-RELATED SIGHT AILMENTS
While glaucoma is the second leading cause of blindness, the sight ailment can be treated with early diagnosis and treatment, so visit your ophthalmologist regularly to detect any risk of this disease before it occurs. Most people with glaucoma do not go blind as long as they follow the treatment plan outlined by their doctors and have regular eye exams.
Treatment In the early stages, eye drops are usually used to control the formation of fluid in the eye or to increase its outflow, so that the pressure on your peepers are reduced. In certain cases, your ophthalmologist might also recommend laser surgery or microsurgery.
Cataracts known to suffer from nocturnal presbyopia, a variation of the age-related ailment in which one finds difficulty in focusing on near objects in dim lighting. What You Can Do To prevent presbyopia, unfortunately, nothing. “There is no way to completely avoid presbyopia unfortunately as it is refraction error caused by age-related changes in the eye. Most individuals start experiencing the symptoms of presbyopia by the time they have crossed the age of 40,” confirms Dr Koh. Interestingly, Dr Koh says that “people with shorter limbs whose work requires near vision may need corrective lenses earlier”. The good news: it is a relatively harmless sight condition that can easily be remedied. Bifocals and progressive lenses are popular choices; Heather uses personalised ZEISS Progressive lenses, a one-stop solution that allows her to see clearly long-distance and up close. However, presbyopes (people who suffer from presbyopia) who would rather go without glasses have the option of multifocal contact lenses, refractive surgery and even lens implants.
80 percent of Singaporeans over the age of 60 suffer from cataracts, a condition in which the eye lens becomes cloudy, preventing light from passing through it to form a well-defined image. It is characterised by blurry vision and is similar to looking through a fog. Although there have been no proven methods of prevention, you can reduce your chances of getting cataracts by reducing your eyes’ exposure to ultraviolet light and refraining from smoking.
Treatment Patients can use brighter lighting and stronger glasses to improve vision, or opt for cataract surgery, which is a relatively safe and effective procedure.
Honey,
The Kids Are Losing Their
Hair!
Hair loss is not a condition you would normally associate with children. Yet, the reality is that kids too can suffer from this ailment. We sit down with TK Trichokare to find out the reasons behind children’s hair loss and what parents can do to get to the root of the problem.
Seeing a child start losing his or her hair in large clumps can be a scary sight for any parent, especially if there seems to be no apparent reason for it. Without treatment, it could even lead to premature hair loss. The good news, however, is that most cases of children’s hair loss can be treated successfully as long as both the parent and child seek professional help early.
OTHER REASONS FOR CHILDREN’S HAIR LOSS Surprisingly, the causes behind a child’s sudden hair loss, if not due to the three mentioned on the right, can actually be similar to the reasons behind an adult’s alopecia i.e. hair care, diet and stress. Hair care Children have more sensitive scalps than adults due to their thinner skin, so they respond more rapidly to chemical shampoos. Their epidermis is also thinner and underkeratinised. As a result, a child’s skin will absorb chemical agents more rapidly and thus have an adverse reaction causing hair loss.
Children have more sensitive scalps than adults due to their thinner skin, so they respond more rapidly to chemical shampoos.
Diet A balanced diet is not only critical to a healthy system but also important for strong, vibrant hair. Permanent medication or a nutritionally deficient junk food diet can cause hair loss, both in children and adults. Stress Children undoubtedly live in a more stressful childhood now as compared to the past, with all the pressure from parents and teachers to excel in school. When a child is unable to meet the expectations set by parents, he or she will adopt different coping mechanisms, one of which could be pulling out hair or trichotillomania.
TREATMENT
THREE MAIN REASONS OF CHILDREN’S HAIR LOSS Tinea capitis Commonly known as ringworm of the scalp, tinea capitis is actually a fungal infection that often appears as scaly patches of hair loss on the head. The hair strands are usually broken off at the surface of the skin and the affected area of your child’s scalp will have black dots. Tinea capitis is contagious, so care should be taken to ensure that your child does not share objects that touch his or her head such as towels, pillow cases and hair brushes. To treat the condition, it is recommended that you use a more gentle shampoo than the one that your child is currently using. Alopecia areata A disorder that can affect both children and adults (although it tends to affect children more), alopecia areata is characterised by obvious bald spots, usually on the scalp, and is thought to be caused by the body’s own immune system attacking the hair follicles. It can be psychologically damaging, especially for children, to cope with baldness. Alopecia areata can occur at any age but most cases first develop in children and teenagers. Alopecia areata is possibly caused by severe stress.
Parents can bring their children to seek professional help. TK Trichokare, the first ISO 9001 certified trichological centre in Singapore, offers customised scalp treatments devised from a broad array of natural plant extracts that are suitable for both adults and children. These European herbal ingredients such as Leopard’s Bane, Nettle and Rosemary have scalp cleaning and detoxifying properties that have been used for many centuries to optimise the health of the scalp. Finance manager Annie Yap is one such customer who visited TK Trichokare to help treat her daughter’s hair loss. It began when Annie realised how greasy her daughter’s scalp was each time she came back home from school and how much hair her daughter was losing each day. She approached TK Trichokare with her concerns and the hair specialist assigned to her case meticulously went through her and her daughter’s needs before going through a detailed hair analysis. Following that, the hair specialist came up with a personalised treatment plan to deal with the scalp condition and today, Annie’s daughter has a healthy head of hair. Annie still regularly goes for scalp treatments with TK Trichokare, such is her unwavering faith. “I choose natural treatments because they are delicate and suitable for my child!”
Trichotillomania This condition is perhaps the most common cause of childhood hair loss and is a form of traction hair loss due to a child’s compulsion of consciously or unconsciously pulling out his or her own hair. The area of hair loss is usually on the side of the child’s dominant hand i.e. if the child is right-handed, the hair loss will appear on the right side of the child’s head.
Mar 2014 • Family & Life
23
RELAX
Sweet Wine O’ Mine Oh, Oh, Oh,
Choosing and enjoying wines can sometimes be seen as daunting and inaccessible for many but they are great beverages and accompaniments to many family dinners, even for the older children. We crush the grapes and get the juice on wines for the family. Over the years, wine consumption around the world has gradually increased year on year, barring during the period of the global financial crisis in 2007 and 2008. The entire world has been steadily uncorking more and more bottles, from about 2,600 million cases in 2003 to more than 2,700 million cases last year.
Yet, according to a Morgan Stanley report released in October 2013, global wine production has been decreasing since 2004. In 2012, it reached its lowest level in 40 years and the numbers are expected to rebound slightly in the next few years, analysts predict consumption will be outstripping supply due to one major factor – China. The most populated country in the world is drinking a lot of vino – Chinese wine consumption has doubled twice in the last five years. So, what does this mean for the normal wine consumer like you and me? Well, perhaps it’s time to indulge in a few cases of the nectar of the Gods for you and the whole family before wine prices predictably shoot through the roof in the next decade. Paul Gerken, CEO of online wine merchant Wine-Family.com, and Clinton Ang, Managing Director of CornerStone Wines, shares with us their insights on the wine industry, recommends wines that are suitable for the entire family, and shatters a few common misconceptions many people have about wine.
24
Family & Life • Mar 2014
Instead of serving wine with steaks, why not serve wine together with chicken rice instead? The idea might not be as preposterous as you think. After all, the range of CornerStone Wines were specifically created for Asian cuisines such as bee hoon goreng, hokkien mee and chicken rice in mind.
Throw out the food and wine pairing principles of the West out of the window when you are dealing with Asian food and start from the basics – pairing flavours together. You should look at whether a dish is sweet, salty, fatty or spicy and then, find out how this will complement your wine. Here are some general guidelines: • Salt in food brings out the fruit in wine – the saltiness makes you appreciate the pleasant fruit in the wine • Sweetness and spice enhance the perception of alcohol and astringency (sharpness or bitterness), and can be unpleasant, which it is not a good idea to pair red wine with crispy chilli beef in sweet sauce, even though beef is red wine’s traditional partner • Acidity in food reduces the overall acidic qualities in wines In general, according to Clinton, Italian moscato wine and German Riesling are “well-matched for Asian cuisines”. Gerken breaks it down even further for specific favourite Singaporean dishes. SINGAPOREAN FOOD AND WINE PAIRINGS Dim Sum “Dim sum can often be fatty and oily, so go for something high in acidity. The flavours tend to be lighter, so white would be best. Try a Chablis, Sancerre or Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand or Casablanca Valley in Chile.” Chilli/Black Pepper Crab “A light and floral white wine with light residual sugar and low alcohol such as a Gewürztraminer from the Alsace region would go well. If you prefer something red, do go for something with low tannin such as a Beaujolais from France.” Chicken Rice “I will stick with white wine, specifically, a Chardonnay/Sémillon blend. The Mâconnais region in France produces a buttery-styled Chardonnay that will go well with chicken rice. If you can find it, an Albariño from Spain offers an intense peach-apricot fruit character, balanced with high acidity, which will cut through the oily elements of this dish pleasantly. For red wine drinkers, I recommend a Pinot Noir from Washington State, USA or Malborough, New Zealand.”
WHAT ARE SOME WINES YOU WOULD RECOMMEND THAT THE WHOLE FAMILY CAN ENJOY? Gerken: It is always hard to please the whole family at once, so the trick is to go for something that is the least disagreeable! Assuming you have novice drinkers in the family who are a little unsure about wine, you should go for something that is soft, round and fruit-forward, without too much acidity or tannin. For red wines, you can go for merlot from Chile, which are reasonably priced and versatile. For white wines, I would recommend a quality chardonnay from Australia, as the long hours of sunlight in Oz give very ripe fruit, leading to more sugar and an easydrinking, fruit-forward style. Clinton: Gerken is right about merlot varietals as they are more plummy and fruity, which makes them easy to drink. I would also recommend going for wine from family-owned wineries because these tend to be more focused on quality and commitment, and purchasing vintage wines; nonvintage wines are usually a blend of leftovers. It is also a good practice to buy a balance of champagnes, white, red and dessert wines so that you can sample to see which type everyone prefers. WHAT ARE THE WINE TRENDS THAT YOU SEE TAKING OFF IN A BIG WAY IN SINGAPORE? Gerken: Well, many wineries and importers are looking to engage more with consumers using social media and I strongly believe that online social interaction will move closer to the purchasing platform. As for consumption behaviour, at the moment, red wine is more predominant here but I think that a growth in white wine drinking is just around the corner, not just in Singapore but the whole of Asia. With a growing wine consumer base, I hope there also comes a growing appreciation of white varietals. WHAT ARE SOME MISCONCEPTIONS THAT YOU HAVE HEARD ABOUT WINE? Gerken: There are a few that I have heard such as: • The very best wine is only French While France produces some absolutely exceptional wines, the country also produces some very average wines. In fact, at the lower price ranges, I would actively avoid French, as things can get pretty nasty down there! If you do not have the pockets for a Domaine de la Romanee Conti, Chateau Lafite or Chateau Margaut, you are better off broadening your horizons and exploring other great wine making regions around the world like Australia, Chile and New Zealand. • All wines get better with age This is definitely not true. Each bottle of wine has its drinking range and this depends on a lot of factors, so blindly leaving a wine to age and assuming that something magical will definitely happen is definitely not the right course of action. In fact, the vast majority of wines are made and released ready-to-drink. So, do not leave them lying around. Just pop the cork and enjoy life! Paul: The most common that I have heard is that the longer you keep the wine for, the better it is. As Gerken mentions, that is a gross misconception because most commercial wines are produced to be drunk the moment it is bought.
HELLO KITTY Town?
u o y t ’ n Wo me to take Planning a family day but fresh out of ideas? Look beyond our shores and head westwards, no, not to Jurong but beyond that to the city of Nusajaya, Johor where the Puteri Harbour Family Theme Park is located.
A short drive away from the Malaysia-Singapore Second Link, within Nusajaya, Johor, lies the Puteri Harbour Family Theme Park – four-storeys of indoor family fun spanning 60,000 square feet. The family theme park boasts three attractions for the young and the young at heart, and the boys and the girls. If you’re looking for a short jaunt out of
Singapore, we highly recommend Puteri Harbour Family Theme Park. Pack everyone in the car in the morning (remember the passports!) and make your way to Nusajaya for a fun day out before coming back home in the evening with tired feet and smiles. It’s definitely a unique experience that you cannot find in Singapore.
SANRIO HELLO KITTY TOWN The first of its kind outside of Japan, the Sanrio Hello Kitty Town theme park is a dream come true for fans of the mouth-less cat. Make friends with Hello Kitty and her close male companion, Dear Daniel, as you and your family explore Hello Kitty’s cosy home, scream your hearts out while taking the themed rides, and sample a wide range of delectable Hello Kitty-themed drinks and pastries. And although you may think that the theme park is not suitable for your boisterous boys, you’ll be pleasantly surprised! The park has a brilliantly themed interactive adventure named Black Wonder, where you and your family have to work together to save Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel, who are both trapped in a castle after being kidnapped by a mysterious villain named Kuromi. Your boys (and girls too!) will have a whale of a time embarking on this adventure.
LAT’S PLACE It’s time for dinner after the day’s exertions and fortunately, at the top of the building is LAT’s Place. An animated themed restaurant, LAT’s Place brings the world of legendary Malaysian cartoonist, Dato’ Mohd Nor Khalid’s famed Kampong Boy to life. Mealtimes are no longer just a bland family affair, thanks to the restaurant’s truly immersive experience. The fun starts the moment you get seated, as LAT’s comic characters come to life and start preparing a feast that eventually becomes your dinner! Join in the fun and partake in the community activities – what the Malays call the spirit of gotong-royong – with your whole family. Apart from enjoying the uniquely Malaysian cuisine, you and your family can soak in the atmosphere of the long-gone kampong lifestyle and interact with the different characters.
THE LITTLE BIG CLUB Say goodbye to the friendly kitties and head up to the second floor to say hello to an ever-smiling purple dinosaur, a few other animals, your neighbourhood construction worker and even a talking train at The Little Big Club, the next stop in your trip to the Puteri Harbour Family Theme Park. And yes, we are talking about Barney the Dinosaur, Angelina Ballerina and Pingu the Penguin, Bob the Builder and Thomas & Friends! Furthermore, The Little Big Club is the only place in the world where all five popular global characters are housed under one roof. Be part of Bob’s crew and help to lay bricks, frame windows and doors and more, jump on the different thematic kids’ rides based on the different cartoon characters or take part in the exciting customised games such as Whack-a-Fish and Pingu’s Blaster. Planning your day out at Puteri Harbour Family Theme Park? Switch on your computer and purchase your tickets online first at www.playtime.com.my. You can choose to print your tickets at home or redeem them at the ticketing counter on the day of your visit. Here’s a sneaky family tip: ticket admission prices are about 20 percent cheaper if you have a MyKad, the Malaysian citizen’s identification card. So, if you have a Malaysian relative, why not make the trip to Puteri Harbour Family Theme Park an extended family affair and enjoy better prices at the same time? Mar 2014 • Family & Life
25
RELAX
Here Come The Hokkiens! One of the largest clans in Singapore consisting of numerous surnames such as Tan and Ong, the Hokkien clan were strong traders who flourished in Southeast Asia and who were responsible for making Singapore into what it is today. We trace the footsteps of the first few Hokkien people from China to Singapore.
1405 – 1433:
The first Hokkiens to migrate southwards were members of Admiral Zheng He’s fleet in his historic seven grand voyages across the Western Ocean. In most of his voyages, Zheng He departed from Changle, a county within the eastern Fujian province. To build his ships and navigate the waters, Zheng He travelled around the coastal countries in Fujian province and recruited Hokkien interpreters, navigators and helmsmen. Hence, many experienced seamen were part of the Admiral’s crew. To ensure that his journey was well-stocked, Zheng He set up a midway supply station and stockade in Malacca to store goods and food, which were manned by some of his Hokkien seamen. These Hokkien people eventually settled in Malacca.
1600s:
The Dutch colonial government in Malacca appoints Chinese kapitans (appointed representative) to take charge of Chinese affairs. All Chinese kapitans were Hokkiens and they dealt directly with the administration with regard to all matters pertaining to the Chinese.
SINGAPORE 1819 – 1828:
The more enterprising Hokkiens started moving southwards towards Singapore, which at that time had become a thriving entrepôt after the efforts of Raffles to turn the island into an important trade link between China and Europe. Although the first few Chinese to migrate to Singapore were the Cantonese and Hakka handicraft artisans, the Hokkien clan soon became a powerhouse in the Singapore Chinese society due to their trading background and policies that tended to favour traders.
26
Family & Life • Mar 2014
RENOWNED HOKKIEN CLAN MEMBERS
1842:
1828:
Every Chinese migrant’s dream was to return to his homeland in his lifetime, bringing fame, fortune and honour to his family. However, these adventurers did not know when or even if they would return to China, which was a matter of grave concern because they believed that they would be turned into wandering spirits if they passed away in a foreign land with no proper burial ground. The Hokkien clan, being the most dominant group, established the Heng San Ting Temple to manage a public cemetery at Silat Road. In its early days, the temple also served as a focal point for immigrant fellow clansmen to help and keep in touch with each other. The president of the temple was Si Hoo Kee, a renowned Chinese community leader in Singapore and Malacca and a wealthy trader. The Heng San Ting Temple burnt down in 1992.
As more and more Hokkiens came from China and Malacca in search of a better life, the need to handle social, economic and education issues became more pressing and led to the establishment of the Thian Hock Keng Temple to handle matters of the living. The inaugural council of the Thian Hock Keng Temple consisted of three Presidents (Dadongshi) – Tan Tock Seng (chief Dadongshi), Si Hoo Kee and Kiong Kong Tuan – and nine council members. During this period, the Hokkien clan had developed into a wealthy and powerful force within the Chinese community. The council saw themselves as the de facto leaders of the Hokkien and Chinese community, which was why the Hokkien Huay Kuan chose to serve the entire community instead of just the Hokkien clan, even to this day. Now, the Thian Hock Keng Temple is still standing at its original position along Telok Ayer Street and is one of the oldest and most important Hokkien temples in Singapore.
1627 – 1644:
1600s:
With the frequent droughts in the Fujian region, Admiral of the Coastal Seas Zheng Zhilong suggested to the Governor of Fujian Xiong Wencan to gather tens of thousands of people, giving each person three Chinese taels and three people one buffalo in order to encourage them to move to Taiwan to develop the agriculture there. Some of these immigrants then chose to settle down permanently in Taiwan.
The Hokkiens that remained in Fujian province who were not seamen started immigrating eastwards to the relatively underdeveloped Taiwan due to political and economic reasons.
Fujian Province
Tan Tock Seng (1798 – 1850) Tan moved to Singapore in 1819 to sell fruit, vegetable and fowl and became a notable businessman. He soon began to accumulate land deeds under his name, owning shophouses, an orchard and even a nutmeg plantation. Due to his massive influence, Tan was appointed as a Justice of the Peace in 1846 due to his public spiritedness and skilful ability to settle feuds among the Chinese. Tan’s most notable contribution was the establishment of Tan Tock Seng Hospital, which took three years to build and only admitted its first batch of patients in 1849. Tan passed away in 1850. Lee Kong Chian (1893 - 1967) The son-in-law of Tan Kah Kee, Lee was known as Southeast Asia’s Rubber and Pineapple King who invested in multiple businesses, one of which was the Oversea-Chinese Banking Corporation (OCBC). He was also appointed vice-chairman of OCBC in 1933. Lee was an incredibly active philanthropist, pouring his wealth into a variety of charities and education. He also spearheaded free public library services for the people, donating close to half a million dollars to help build the Old National Library along Stamford Road. Today, several prominent universities have named their faculties in his honour. Goh Keng Swee (1918 – 2010) One of the founding fathers of modern Singapore, Goh became interested in politics during his time in London, where he was studying economics at the London School of Economics and Political Science. One of his first political actions was to lobby against salary and promotion policies that favoured Caucasians over Asians in 1952 after his return. One of Goh’s most prominent moves was developing the Jurong Industrial Estate in 1962, which at that time, was a swamp. He was also instrumental in starting compulsory National Service for Singaporean males when he was the Minister for Defence and was responsible for numerous projects such as the Jurong Bird Park and the Singapore Zoo, which sought to improve the cultural and leisure life of Singapore citizens. Wee Cho Yaw (Born in 1929) Appointed as the Chairman of the Hokkien Huay Kuan in 1972, Wee steered the Hokkien Huay Kuan into modern waters and was responsible for improving and strengthening the relationship between the clan and the government as well as revamping the organisational structure into what it is today. Wee believed that the new mission of the Huay Kuan was to support the development of the new Republic of Singapore instead of just the Hokkien clan and he walked the talk, awarding bursaries and scholarships in 1973 to students of all races in the schools that the organisation managed.
Tai
wan
HOKKIEN CLAN TRIVIA • The predecessor of the current Nanyang Technological University was actually Nanyang University, an institution set up by the Hokkien clan using Chinese as the medium of instruction. Nanyang University was set up in response to the ascent of the Communist regime in China, as it meant that Chinese-educated students in Southeast Asia could no longer go to China for their tertiary education. • Sir Stamford Raffles allocated the Telok Ayer area as the main site for the Hokkien clan due to its main landing site for Chinese immigrants. This is why there are numerous temples and mosques in the area even up to today because the immigrants wanted to show their gratitude for safe passage. • The Hokkien Huay Kuan owned the most number of land parcels in Singapore compared to the other clan associations and once had over 200 acres of land. However, by 1970s, the Huay Kuan was only left with only several tens of acres of land after donating multiple parcels for education and defence.
Mar 2014 • Family & Life
27
BITES
Salmon Tataki with Green Asparagus
&Hollandaise Sauce
At Family & Life, we believe that cooking can, and should be, a family affair! This month, we present a popular marine animal – salmon – given the fine dining treatment.
SERVES: 4 people (starter size) DEGREE OF DIFFICULTY: If you can use a frying pan and a whisk, you are golden 25 minutes PREPARATION TIME: 10 minutes TOTAL COOKING TIME:
Salmon is perhaps one of the most popular items on any restaurant menu in Singapore. Not only is it delicious, it is also a rich source of protein and omega-3 fatty acids! You can also choose to eat it raw or cooked, and the buttery, fatty taste of this marine animal is very appealing to the palates of the young and the old.
Personal fine dining chef Tim Meijers has kindly shared his personal take on salmon, complementing it with homemade hollandaise sauce and green asparagus. So, if you are always wondering how you can get your young ones to eat their greens, this recipe is a great way to do it!
INGREDIENTS Salmon fillet..... 320 grams Green asparagus..... 250 grams Egg yolks..................... 4 White wine vinegar.............. 50 ml White wine............ 150 ml
Butter........50 grams Shoyu........... 150 ml Pepper corn......... 2 grams Tarragon and lemone........ 2 ounces
MATERIALS Flat plate Frying pan Knife Deep tray Chopping board Whisk Peeler Cooking pot
28
Family & Life • Mar 2014
Your children can help with the creation of the hollandaise sauce while you busy yourself with the salmon. Trust us, it is definitely not as difficult as it sounds, despite the myriad of steps! And if you are not feeling particularly adventurous about creating your own sauce, you can always get the hollandaise from the supermarket (although we bet it will not taste as nice as the recipe we have here). We hope you have fun with this recipe. Do share your salmon creations with us on our Facebook page at www.fb.com/familyandlifemag!
PREPARATIONS Salmon 1. Marinate the salmon in the shoyu for 2 minutes on both sides 2. Heat up the frying pan, add a teaspoon of olive oil to the pan, and fry the salmon on both sides for no longer than 30 seconds 3. Allow the salmon to cool down before slicing it into thin tranches with a sharp knife Hollandaise Sauce 1. Boil a small pot of water and place a mixing bowl in the pot, ensuring that the bottom does not touch the water 2. While the water is coming to a boil, melt the butter on a frying pan 3. At the same time, put the white wine, vinegar, tarragon and pepper corn in a cooking pot and reduce this mixture until there is about 50 ml left 4. Add 50 ml of water and egg yolks into the mixture, and transfer this combination into the mixing bowl 5. Whisk the mixture until it resembles yoghurt (never stop whisking as we do not want to end up with scrambled eggs!) 6. Once the texture and thickness is like yoghurt, switch off the fire and continue whisking until it reaches room temperature, then mix in the butter while whisking Green Asparagus 1. Peel the green asparagus using the peeler 2. Cook them in boiling water with a touch of salt 3. After they are cooked, transfer the asparagus to ice water to create a little bite
EVENTS
WH? T’S
ULTIMATE PLAY Reckon your family has what it takes to rule the roost? Prove it at Ultimate Play, a family challenge organised by NTUC’s Family Development Unit! An event involving the whole family, Ultimate Play is an obstacle course of sorts consisting of seven ultimate family stations. The top three families will then advance to the final level, where they will compete for attractive prizes worth over S$1,000!
HAPPENING PETER PAN
Fly away to Neverland with Peter Pan this March and discover a world filled with adventure, danger and…flying! The eponymous character is played by the talented Cathie Rigby, a former Olympic gymnast and Tony Award nominee, and her performance as the Boy Who Never Grows Old has been lauded the world over. A critic from the Chicago Sun Times even describes Cathie’s performance as “sensational…, flying high in green tights and tunic”. Discover the magic and spectacle of this Emmy award winning production for the first time in Singapore and bring the whole family along for a magical journey that we are sure will both confound and astound in equal measures. We’re sure you and your children will leave the theatre with your jaws dragging along the floor and your imaginations, rekindled and fired up!
When: From 19 March 2014 Where: MasterCard Theatre, Marina Bay Sands Price: From S$55 excluding S$3 booking fee per ticket. Performances times differ each day. To purchase tickets or find out more information about the production, head on over to www.marinabaysands.com.
So, put on your running shoes, stretch those muscles and compete with other families to emerge as the Ultimate Champion. If dodging obstacles and sprinting your way to the finish line is not your thing, there are still a host of fun activities such as challenge booths and even a mass Zumba workout for the whole family.
When: 22 March 2014 Where: Angsana Green @ East Coast Park Price: Team registration costs S$20 for NTUC members and S$40 for the public. Each team must have between three and five participants. Registration for the Ultimate Play challenge ends on 8 March 2014. Visit www.ufamily.org.sg/ ultimate for more information.
ACE! FESTIVAL 2014 Conceived in 2009 with the aim of celebrating, promoting, inspiring and stimulating creativity and artistry in children, the ACE! Festival is celebrating its fifth anniversary this year with a colourful collection of productions, workshops and activities for the young and the young at heart. This year, the theme of ACE! Festival 2014 is “Long Ago and Far Away”, and in line with this, the folks at I Theatre have arranged five productions – Puss in Boots, Spot the Difference, Starbird, Under the Dragon Moon and Dotty the Dragon – as well as a host of workshops and fringe events. We are personally excited about the story-telling sessions conducted by renowned international storyteller, Sheila Wee, in collaboration with the National Library Board! It’s always great to hear timeless stories come to life with the magical voice of Sheila.
With so many plays and activities lined up, we highly recommend that you purchase the ACE! Magic Passport, which gives you massive discounts if you decide to attend more than just one production.
When: 21 May 2014 to 8 June 2014 Where: Drama Centre Theatre and Black Box Theatre Price: From S$27 for an early bird single ticket to S$120 for a family package of 5. The early bird promotion is ongoing from now until 8 April 2014. For more information about ticket prices, schedules and further discounts, head on over to www.sistic.com.sg.
UNEARTH/ED Introduce your children to a slice of nature rarely seen in the urban landscape of Singapore city in UNEARTH/ED, a new exhibition by the Singapore Art Museum. Drawing on works from the Museum’s permanent collection and a few private collections, the exhibition offers an insight on how artists in Singapore view and respond to the natural world, especially seeing how almost all of us have been brought up in such a built-up environment. Dispense with your notions of Singapore being a carefully cultivated Garden City and be treated to photographs and works of nature at its most unknown, uncanny and untamed. You will be amazed at the amount of forgotten and overlooked terrain in Singapore, left behind to grow unchecked while concrete and glass towers reach higher into the sky. While your children marvel at sights rarely seen, you too will have your assumptions and attitudes towards the natural environment challenged, and discover how intertwined our lives with nature are.
When: 21 March 2014 to 6 July 2014 Where: Singapore Art Museum and 8Q Price: S$10 for adults and S$5 for students for admission into SAM and 8Q The Singapore Art Museum and 8Q are open daily from 10 am to 7 pm. On Fridays, the museum closes at 9 pm instead. For more information, head on over to www.singaporeartmuseum.sg.
Mar 2014 • Family & Life
29
OP-ED
My two cents on...
…Teaching Children Everything but a Sense of Entitlement By Jenn Choi
In this exclusive series, our guest columnistsparents weigh in on the issues that are closest to their hearts. This month, a mother shares with us how she teaches her young children to be grateful through play.
My husband and I hail from immigrant families who arrived to the US in the 1970s. Both of us grew up poor. When I was a kid, everything we owned was either a hand-me-down or picked up from the curb. My husband and I share stories of being shaped as latch-key kids with no toys and high-water jeans. I hesitated starting a toy-review blog because I knew my kids would be testing and playing with most of the toys. I feared too many toys would spoil them or make them ungrateful. The idea of spoiling kids is incongruous to the parent I want to be. And yet, I still give them toys because I love them (the toys and the kids) so much. So parents like me face this dilemma: we want to give our children everything we did not have. But, we want them to remember where they came from either too. So, I turned to the best tools I have to make my kids understand: toys. Kids do not know how big or little your pay check is. Kids do not understand what income tax or health insurance deductibles are either. However, they do know how much a game cartridge costs. Or a slice of pizza. This is their vocabulary – their understanding of values in our material world. We can work with that. The two areas I wanted to most impart gratitude were food and play. With food, my kids were horribly picky and wasteful. It was getting out of hand and so I sought help from Susan Roberts, a paediatric occupational therapist and author of My Kid Eats Everything. She told me kids eat horrible diets today because they are just being “fed”. “It is such a passive process now,” she says. In the past, until about the mid20th century, kids joined families in the kitchen, helping to prepare food, setting the table, clearing the table,
30
Family & Life • Mar 2014
and washing the dishes. Now, “people eat out much more often, so kids are not eating what is available, they are ordering what they want”. Roberts actually tells families that even if they go out to restaurants, the parents should still order the food for the child. “We have to put the parents back in charge of food. Right now, the children are in charge so of course, they are going to eat gummy bears and goldfish crackers.” For my eldest son, a nine-year-old, we had a mission: to grill our Fourth of July barbecue cheeseburgers. As we began our very first step – buying food – I suddenly understood how this could work. In the butcher shop, my son asked me where the “round circle” hamburgers were. He had no idea what ground beef really looked like or how it was made. At home, he donned his apron and got to work, cracking eggs and kneading the meat with his bare hands. I thought he would be grossed out but he was beaming with pride. He formed and grilled the patties, sliced the tomatoes, and babysat his burgers. I don’t think I have ever seen my son eat a burger so fast in his life. He watched all of us eat ours, too. He was so grateful that he even washed the dishes. Teaching my children to be grateful for their toys was very challenging because they just have so many. So I decided to challenge them with the one they love the most: Lego bricks. As with our Fourth of July cheeseburgers, I brought my children in on the buying process. I decided to physically bring them to an actual brick-and-mortar Lego store and teach them how to shop smart. Now that I shop for everything online, I often forget what kind of impact shopping with the kids can have. Kids can never grow up to be good consumers unless I teach them how to recognise value and quality, and there is no better medium for teaching kids this than with the subject in which they have the most expertise: toys. Once at the LEGO store, we headed to the Pick-A-Brick Wall, where you buy as many LEGO bricks as you want, just as long as your picks can fit into the two container sizes they offer.
They watched other children dumping handfuls of bricks into the containers. My kids were about to do the same but I asked them to be more mindful about what they wanted to make and how many bricks they could actually fit into the container. I gave the kids two options: get the small container and not be questioned about its contents or the bigger, more expensive container but only if they followed my lesson on being resourceful. I would pay for only one option. They naturally chose the latter. I asked them to snap a row of same-colour bricks together and then carefully place them into the container. It was a time-consuming process, best done sitting on the floor of the store. Once they started, though, it was so obvious to my children that they could put a lot more bricks and pieces in with this method. Since then, my kids have become more enthusiastic about building and now take better care of the bricks that they own. As parents, despite wanting to give our kids everything, one of the greatest gifts we can give is to literally give less, to force decision-making and awareness among all their choices. We need to have more faith in them and let them be challenged. It is not easy to watch your kids struggle, but in the end, it does breed gratitude. And there is no question that these lessons are most effective if you start early and consistently through every child’s primary occupation: play.
This article has been reproduced with the permission of Quartz (www.qz.com).
Mar 2014 â&#x20AC;˘ Family & Life
31
32
Family & Life â&#x20AC;˘ Mar 2014