‘You Are Not Alone’
A mom reflects on her experience with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders BY BRIDGET CROTEAU
G
rowing up, I always wanted two things – to be a teacher and a mom. I couldn’t wait to have my own children. I dreamed of all the cuddles, playing with them and feeling so much love and joy in my heart. I achieved both my dreams; I taught middle school science for five years, and I am the mom of two beautiful girls, Natalie and Chloe, who are now 8 and 6 years old. My reality certainly didn’t meet the expectations I had following their births. I had postpartum depression after Natalie was born, and postpartum anxiety after Chloe’s birth. Natalie was born following a long, difficult and very unexpected induction. By the time she was born, I was exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. When I held her for the first time, I expected to feel overwhelmed with love and happiness. But I wasn’t. I felt little besides sheer exhaustion and confusion about what was wrong with my daughter. We both had a fever when she was born and no one knew why. She was brought to the NICU after we had a few moments to hold her. Later that night, I visited her in the NICU. She was covered in wires attached to various monitors, and had an IV in her little body. My heart broke into a million pieces. I was convinced that I did something wrong. After a very emotionally difficult week, including difficulty breastfeeding, we were able to bring Natalie home. I felt like a failure as a mom, wife and person. For four months I cried almost daily. I was suffering from postpartum depression, and was in denial about what my feelings meant. Thankfully, one day I finally realized I needed help. The following week, I began attending a support group and seeing a therapist. I found the support group to be a very big component of my recovery. Here, I found a group of women who completely understood how I felt. There was absolutely no judgement – only support, love and compassion. It took time and a lot of work, but I eventually recovered. Shortly after this, we became pregnant with Chloe. We were excited, but I was fearful of postpartum depression returning. We made sure to prepare as much as possible. We decided to hire a
Fast Facts – Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders • PMADs are very common and occur in 1 in 5 moms and 1 in 10 dads.
• PMADs can occur during pregnancy, in the first year postpar tum or after weaning from breastfeeding.
• PMADs are treatable. You will get better with help.
• There are risk factors including lack of support, previous personal or family history of depression/anxiety, previous trauma, difficult labor/pregnancy and more.
• PMADs are more than “just” depression. There is also anxiety, OCD, bipolar disorder, PTSD and postpartum psychosis.
14
HEALTH
