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Your child’s personality
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Day dreamer or life of the party – who is your child?
Teaching kids the value of money Keys to financial literacy for kids
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AUCKLAND / ISSUE 39 / Winter 2014
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inside this issue
From the editor Contents O ne of the most exciting things for any parent is to see their children’s little personalities develop. Are they going to be shy and thoughtful, exuberant and excited, placid and easy-going, or perhaps deliberate and forceful? Then comes the crunch: as they grow into who they are, how can you parent them in a way that will help their unique personality grow into a confident and grounded young person? I grew up in a family of very different personalities – like most families. Each of us siblings would approach a situation in a different way, from our own perception, and each of us would wonder why the other would react in a completely different fashion – one emotionally, one logically, and the other as a peacemaker. Each of us would approach chores differently: one would flat out refuse and stage a big drama; one would just get on and do the job in order to avoid drama, and the other would do it but on their own terms and time schedule. If you’re reading this Racheal and Gary, you know which one you are! As we’ve grown up, I’ve learned to recognise the strengths of each of our personality types; for example, one’s ability to express how they feel and appreciate the feelings of others; one’s ability to deconstruct any problem and offer practical solutions, and one’s capacity for staying calm in a crisis. Simply put, as people, we need other personality types around us to balance us out: sometimes the life of the party needs to learn a little from a deep thinker, and a placid personality can learn from a more exuberant and emotional person. There are strengths and weaknesses in all of us, but by better
2014/2015 primary and intermediate school term dates
SCHOOL TERM DATES
Term 3, 2014
4 Your child’s personality
12 Teaching kids respect
Monday 13 October to no later than Friday 19 December
Term 1, 2015
Between Monday 2 February and Thursday 5 February to Thursday 2 April
Term 2, 2015
understanding each other – and ourselves – we’ve got a better chance at a harmonious family life. In this edition of Family Times, our main feature focuses on personality types, and helping to identify your children’s and your own unique make-up. We talk with Nonen Titi, an author and specialist in the field of personality psychology, who offers some great practical tips and advice for parenting. Of course we’ve got lots of other goodies this issue, including a new-look kids’ page with games and reviews, as well as competitions and giveaways galore. Enjoy!
2013 and 2014 secondary and composite school term dates Term 3, 2014
Monday 21 July to Friday 26 September
Term 1, 2015
Between Monday 2 February and Thursday 5 February to Thursday 2 April
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Jackie Cowan and Nick Draper help you plan a family tramp
14 Preteen corner
Eva Maria talks preteen and personalities
Kids Corner 8 Kids’ corner
6 Managing a toddler and a new baby
Tips on how to survive with a toddler and new baby
Competitions, games and reviews
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7 Teaching kids the value of money
Boost your kids’ financial literacy
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Resource information 3 12 10 11
School Term Dates Help is at Hand Calendar of events Entertainment
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Jenny Hale writes about kids and respect
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Term 4, 2014
Learn about your child’s unique personality
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Term 4, 2014
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feature story
Know your kids' personality type Ever wondered why one of your kids is the life of the party and the other one a day dreamer? Understanding your kids’ – and your own – personality type can help family harmony.
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ver since the Greek physician Hippocrates incorporated his theory of four main temperament types into his medical hypotheses back in 460-370 BC, the human race has been postulating ways to understand each other better. As parents, understanding why your children act the way they do – and why you react the way you do – can go great lengths toward building your relationship says Wellingtonbased author Nonen Titi. Titi, a registered nurse with a degree in philosophy, has spent more than 15-years researching the works of Carl Jung and Myers-Briggs on temperament, and written a book on “inner composition.” “Jung devised that people have different personality types because the functions in their personality work differently,” said Titi. “Myers took it from there and devised a test – an indicator of which personality type you are.”
Basic personality types
Myers-Briggs suggests that our psychological differences can be divided into four opposite pairs (dichotomies) resulting in 16 possible psychological types.
There’s extraversion and introversion, sensing and intuition, thinking and feeling, judging and perception. Each person leans more to one side of each of the dichotomies, i.e. extraversion rather than introversion, thinking rather than feeling, and this determines their personality make-up. Although Myers-Briggs suggests that environmental factors can impact on a person’s unique personality, Titi says that a person’s basic personality make-up is innate. “I believe that these type differences are inborn, and it has to be so because if it were not, all people would end up doing the same thing, and as a human group we would lose out. “It also explains why do some children that grow up in a dysfunctional family turn out fine, and why do others not.”
Personalities type – is one better than another?
Preferences toward one dichotomy or the other don’t determine a person’s nature, as such, but more how they perceive the world and make decisions. A good example, says Titi, is that Adolph Hitler and Martin Luther King Jnr had the same basic personality type according to Myers-Briggs- but the outworking of their preferences led to very different outcomes due to their own experiences and belief systems. Titi describes personalities as being like music. “Every musician uses four different aspects that make their music – rhythm, melody, theoretical aspect of music, and an instrument to create the mood. But a jazz
musician puts more emphasis on the rhythm, for example, than an opera composer would. So what emphasis they put, it makes for a different sound. It’s the same with personalities.”
Understanding your child’s personality
As a parent, understanding how your child is hard-wired to view the world, and their basic thoughtprocesses around making decisions, can lead to better understanding. Some indicators, says Titi, are easy to recognise from a very early age, for example, introversion and extraversion. “Introverted children are more reluctant to take to a new toy, or to approach something they don’t know. They need to get to know it first. They keep their distance from it, whereas, an extroverted child feels quite comfortable in a world of objects. They leave all their stuff all over the house when an introverted child would control it all in their room. It’s how comfortable they feel in the world around them.” However, introversion and extroversion can
be confused. It’s not just whether your child talks a lot or wants to go out a lot. It has more to do with their motivation and how they reenergise themselves, says Titi. That becomes more apparent with age. “If an introverted child has been at school all day, they’re exhausted, and they might walk past everybody, go to their room and slam the door, and they don’t want to talk. A parent might feel rejected by that, but it has only to
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feature story do with the need to be alone for a while. “Extroverts are the exact opposite. They come home and they won’t stop talking, because they need to re-energise, they need to get that out somehow, particularly if they’ve been alone for a while.� Hence, telling an introverted child to “go out and make friends,� is not always helpful, Titi said. They would do that when they were ready and re-energised from time alone, not on demand.
“Introversion and extroversion can be confused. It’s not just whether your child talks a lot or wants to go out a lot. It has more to do with their motivation and how they re-energise themselves.� Disciplining your children one rule for all?
Given the differences in personality types, each child will respond differently to different forms of discipline. A simple harsh word might completely devastate a sensitive, introverted child, and leave them feeling rejected. Whereas a child that leads with their feelings may actually understand and respond better to a parent who gets angry and emotional, because it’s something that they can relate to. That doesn’t make one personality type better or worse – just different, explains Titi. “There are children that are by nature
obedient, that heed authority. They do that naturally, but they are also the same children who, for example, would follow their peers. Other children, who are naturally more independent, they follow the rules by definition only when they feel like it. But they are also the children who will stand strong against bullies and not be pushed into peer pressure.� That doesn’t mean that you should try to change yourself to relate better to your children though. Titi says that the best thing that parents can do is to be themselves. “Every parent also has a personality type and if you’re going to try to force your child or yourself in one way or another, it doesn’t work. I think the best thing a parent can do is to be aware that not every child is the same, and that it’s okay, and that they understand where they come from.� Titi is concerned that a lack of understanding around personalities at times leads to misdiagnosis of conditions in kids – particularly kids that appear hyperactive. “Many kids are getting labelled with things such as ADHD, for behaviour that is a normal personality trait.� That’s not to take away from genuine cases of hyperactivity, said Titi, but a greater understanding and knowledge around personality types would help parents and teachers bring out the best in their kids. “A child that doesn’t like sitting still at school and writing but prefers to be out on its bike, or learns better by walking around or touching things, is not necessarily hyperactive. The school system is hypoactive. It’s not suited for these children. These children need a different way to express themselves.�
How do you know your child’s personality? The first step is to work out what makes you as a parent tick. Search online for a Myers-Briggs personality test, complete the questions, and then educate yourself as much as you can about your personality type. It’s a bit trickier to complete the test for your kids, but you can give it a go. Even a bit more study around the eight dichotomies will help you to better recognise what motivates your child’s decisions and perception of the world.
Extraversion and introversion
With Myers-Briggs, extraversion means “outward-turningâ€? and introversion means “inward-turning.â€? • Extraverts are “actionâ€? oriented, while introverts are “thoughtâ€? oriented. • Extraverts seek “breadthâ€? of knowledge and influence, while introverts seek “depthâ€? of knowledge and influence. • Extraverts often prefer more “frequentâ€? interaction, while introverts prefer more “substantialâ€? interaction. • Extraverts recharge and get their energy from spending time with people, while introverts recharge and get their energy from spending time alone.
Sensing and intuition
Sensing and intuition describe how new information is understood and interpreted. Individuals who prefer sensing are more
likely to trust information that is in the present, tangible, and concrete. They prefer to look for details and facts. Those who prefer intuition tend to trust information that is more abstract or theoretical. They may be more interested in future possibilities. For them, the meaning is in the underlying theory and principles that are in the data.
Thinking and feeling
Thinking and feeling are the decision making (judging) functions. Those who prefer thinking tend to measure a decision by what seems reasonable, logical, causal, consistent, and matching a given set of rules. Those who prefer feeling tend to come to decisions by associating or empathising with the situation, looking at it “from the inside� and weighing the situation to achieve the greatest harmony.
Judging and perception
Myers and Briggs identified that people also have a preference for using either the judging function (thinking or feeling) or their perceiving function (sensing or intuition) when relating to the outside world. Those with a preference for judging show the world their preferred judging function (thinking or feeling). Those types who prefer perception show the world their preferred perceiving function (sensing or intuition). For more information visit www.myersbriggs.org.
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Managing a toddler and a new baby The secret weapon for sleepovers and a dry night.
It can seem overwhelming, the thought of managing your active toddler and bringing home a new baby.
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f course, there are the sleepless nights and managing breastfeeding, but many times too your toddler may take time adjusting to the introduction of a new family member, given that they have been the sole sum of your world for the past few years. “Key ideas to consider here are that our easy or flexible children may adjust more easily to change, and because they do, we need to be more mindful to connect with them compared to the child who may need more support with change - we are very aware of their needs,” says Strategies with Kids, Information for Parents (SKIP) national leader Regan Mayo. Here are some tips from Plunket and Skip to help you broach this trying time.
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Before the baby is born: • • • • • • •
Prepare your older child by talking with them during your pregnancy. Explain who will look after them while you have the baby. Include your older child in getting ready for the new baby. Make any major changes before the baby comes, such as moving the older child out of the cot or bedroom. Involve your older children in the preparation. Ask them for their ideas on names and things you need to buy. Show your older child they are loved and special by talking with them and telling them you love them. Giving your older child a present from the new baby is a good idea too.
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As much as you can, keep up normal activities like going to the park or playgroup together. When you feed the baby, have books or games ready for your older child. They may enjoy hearing a story or playing quietly next to you. Be patient if your older child becomes demanding or goes back to babyish behaviour. For example, they may start wetting their pants. They may take out their anger or jealousy on you to get your attention. It will pass once they get used to the change. Talk with your older child about how they feel. Tell them you love them. Make sure you spend some time each day with your other children. This could just be sitting and talking or reading a book. Ask them what they think the baby should wear.
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Getting wise with financial literacy for kids
Some kids say their families are just not good with money, or unlucky, but ASB Get Wise programme manager Linda Hodgson says it’s all about making the right decisions.
term. It’s even beginning to change the way that teachers think, said Hodgson. “My favourite story is a teacher going away and saying after class, “I really need to reconsider a pair of hot red boots I wanted to buy.”” The focus of Get Wise is around determining needs from wants in a “consume now, worry later,” world, in which even malls and stores are scientifically designed to entice shoppers to spend more, and advertising pervades hilst reading, writing and arithmetic all of our spaces. Identifying things such as have always been key focuses in shelter, food, water and warmth as needs, education, financial literacy has not. It’s and toys and games as wants is essential, says just in the past five years that the Get Wise Hodgson. programme has set out to change the way “We teach kids that they can speed to their kids think about money in an increasingly needs, and wait for their wants, because by consumer-driven world. intermediate school age, they are starting to “Really, the biggest difference is that money make decisions that really matter.” has become largely invisible. A lot of kids Hodgson admits that it sounds a bit boring – don’t get the experience of dealing with especially with terms such as budget planning. money. Swipe that card, that’s all it takes,” But Get Wise aims to make it fun by turning said Hodgson. what seems like chore into an inspirational In fact, one child that Hodgson knows of goal, such as planning and saving for a family believed that her mother actually earned holiday. money by grocery shopping – after all, her With wants, Get Wise helps kids to identify mother would go around the grocery store, ways to get their wants as well as their needs. put all the groceries in the shopping trolley, If there is a gap between what they want and at the end, get money out of the machine and the money they have, how can they earn in the store. extra money? Are there perhaps some extra The Get Wise programme reaches about 450 chores that they could pick up that would schools around New Zealand each year, with have some value for the family, and would specialised workshops for years 1 – 8 that help them to earn a few dollars extra that are delivered by trained facilitators. Then the they can save toward their goal? schools are given resources so that teachers Different parents teach their kids about can continue to make financial literacy part off money in different ways, says Hodgson. Some the curriculum throughout a chosen school
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a workshop for parents. It’s extraordinarily parents are hugely passionate about showing hard to get parents to come along though, their kids how to manage money, but in a lot of households – affluent and struggling – there because money is a very emotional topic for is an attitude of “we don’t talk about money.” people,” said Hodgson. “People who have it don’t think they have problems with managing In past times, when pay packets would come it, and people who don’t have it don’t believe home with Dad on a Friday night and it was they have anything to talk about.” split up into different envelopes for different bills and savings goals, it was at least visible. The New Zealand Council of Educations But today, kids are not as well schooled on has independently evaluated the Get Wise managing money because they don’t see programme, and has found that it is being where it goes, and hence, don’t understand successful in changing knowledge, attitudes 2:10 PM its value orYHA5476_SST_1-4page_23June.pdf how hard people work for it. 1 22/04/14 and behaviour around money. “One of the schools asked if we could hold
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Kids Time
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spot the difference Can you spot 8 differences between Spot the Difference these 2 pictures
KM041_Music_PUZSOL.eps Can you spot the eight differences between these two pictures? © Lovatts Puzzles
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Across 1. What you write on or wrap presents with (5) 3. Creatures with sharp nippers found in rock pools (5) 7. Answer (5) 8. Above average height (4) 10. Twist around quickly (4) 12. Animated movie about insects (4) 13. A kitchen basin for washing dishes (4) 17. A sound that bounces back at you when you shout out (4) 19. Something you play (4) 20. A creamy-white gem found inside the shell of an oyster (5) 21. Another word for noise (5) 22. A passenger boat to take people from one wharf to another (5) Down 1. A fun gathering of friends. You might have one to celebrate your birthday (5) 2. Nobleman’s title (4) 4. Light beams from the sun (4) 5. Playground equipment that makes you feel like you are flying (5) 6. A mark like a dot (4) 9. A meal in the middle of the day (5) 11. Black and white animal from China (5) 14. Ringing instruments (5) 15. A country’s cloth pennant that flies from the top of a pole (4) 16. “Ole King Cole was a ... old sole” (5) 18. The opposite of closed (4) 19. Liquid used for sticking things together (4)
You’ll get your antlers in a twist and your feathers flying in a rollicking, riotous Visit www.familytimes.co.nz for puzzles read in this rhyming picture book by the solutions. Spot The Difference - Cartoon super-talented duo of author Juliette spotDiff006_Castaway.eps © Lovatts Puzzles MacIver and illustrator Jenny Cooper. Solution: The book is a laugh-out-loud, pitch- 1. Smoke from ship, 2. Ship’s anchor, 3. Whale’s water spout, 4. Seagull, 5. Coconut, 6. Tag on crate, Win a Tinker B ell 7. Book cover, 8. Starfish. perfect picture book with a text that and The Pir ate trips off the tongue. This is the story of Fairy prize pack and a moose, a caboose, a goose, a bear and tickets: in cinemas 3 a train. Thanks to Scholastic, www. scholastic.co.nz, we have ten of J u ly 3 2 014 these to give away. The Pirate Fairy charts a course for the most exciting Disney fairies’ adventure ever! When a misunderstood dust-keeper fairy named Zarina steals Pixie Hollow’s all important Blue Pixie Dust, and flies away to join forces with the Pirates of Skull Rock, Tinker Bell and her friends must embark on the adventure of a lifetime to return it to its rightful place. We have a Tinker Bell Pixie party set, along with her friend Silvermist and a family pass, and also runner-up prizes of five double passes to the movie. This competition ends 7 July.
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Transformers: Age of Extinction, the fourth instalment of the universally loved Transformers film series, will be released 26 June 2014. The Transformers, Optimus Prime and Bumblebee, return alongside a new cast led by Mark Walberg. With the Dinobots hitting the screen, this film is set to be bigger and better than ever before, and will show in IMAX and 3D. We have five prize packs, each containing an in-season double pass to the film, a Transformers mask, and a Transformers “one-step magic toy” of either the Dinobot or Optimus Prime. This competition ends 7 July.
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Family times: Design competition kidsonscreen.co.nz is looking for a unique New Zealand superhero called “Junior Platinum.” So design your very own New Zealand superhero and write what his or her super powers would be. Send us your picture and be in to win an amazing $50 prize pack from Crayola! Thanks to kidsonscreen.co.nz we also have six DVD copies of the Amazing Extraordinary Friends from Greenstone Pictures as prizes. Three entry age groups: preschool (age 1 to 4-years), 5 to 8-years, and 9 to 12-years. Create your design on an A5 sheet or download the template and entry form from www. familytimes.co.nz. Post in to PO Box 36 004, Christchurch 8146. Entries close on 19th July 2014. Thank you to our design competition judge Felicity Milburn of the Christchurch Art Gallery Te Puna O Waiwhetu and congratulations to our competition winners from our last issue for designing your own birthday cake. They are:
Win Walking with Dinosau rs B lu-r ay Set 70 million years ago, our story follows Pachimou, the smallest in his family. On his path to adulthood, Pachimou must survive a wild, unpredictable world and the most ferocious predators. When his father is killed, young Pachimou, older brother Scowler and female friend Juniper are separated from the herd during the great migration searching for their families. The trio face many hair-raising but humorous adventures and Pachimou begins to discover his immense courage. We have five of these to give away.
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1-4 Lydia Miller “When I turn 5, I am wishing for a caterpillar birthday cake because all our caterpillars turned in to monarch butterflies.”
9 - 12 Amelia Davey -“Rich sponge cake with chocolate icing, magic sprinkles, Pohutakawa flowers, candles and more!”
5-8 Troy Irving “A skylander and fireworks.”
win win win
Win The Bantam and the Soldier
It is wartime in Europe. A young soldier
from “a country on the other side of the world,” rescues and brings back to health a little bantam, and in the midst of the fighting and devastation an unusual friendship is formed. Every morning the bantam lays an egg for the soldier and his friends and becomes the centre of their affection and hopes for the end of the war. The talents of best-selling author Jennifer Beck and prize-winning illustrator Robyn Belton are beautifully combined in this much-loved story. Thanks to Scholastic, www.scholastic.co.nz, we have ten of these to give away.
win win win
Win Awesom e Kiwi Thing s to Do with M um This book will help you discover how amazing your mum really is. It’s packed with loads of fun things you can do together, from knitting your own mobile phone cover and busting out some groovy dance moves, to making a worm farm, playing beach volleyball and building the greatest sand tower ever! With step-by-step instructions and loads of funny illustrations along the way, there are heaps of awesome projects for you to enjoy. Thanks to Scholastic, www.scholastic.co.nz, we have ten of these to give away.
J ust tick the thing s you want to win
Code Helmets Transformers Eco Alkalines Moose and the Goose The Bantam and the Solider Tinkerbell Kings Seeds: Seed for Sprouting Starter kits Walking with Dinosaurs Blu-ray Mission Survival 7 Bear Grylls
Name Address
Rest in Pets Awesome Kiwi Things to Do with Mum Grandpa’s Slippers Wake by Anna Hope
Post Code City Phone
To be in the draw to win, enter online at www.familytimes.co.nz or write your name and address on the back of an envelope or postcard and send to: Christchurch Competition, PO Box 36 004, Christchurch 8146 to reach us by July 19 th, 2014, unless stated otherwise. Only one entry per household.
win win win
Win Mission Su rvival 7: Rag e of the Rhino by B ear Grylls Young adventurer Beck Granger heads to the Kruger National Park, South Africa, in the brand-new book - Mission Survival 7: Rage of the Rhino - in this exciting adventure series from survival specialist Bear Grylls. Not only are there the poachers to contend with, but somebody seems desperate to track Beck down - whatever the cost. And then there are the hundreds of wild animals . . . Thanks to Random House, www.randomhouse. co.nz, we have five of these to give away.
Win a pet casket and g ive you r pet the g oodbye they deserve
win win win
Whether it’s Godfrey the goldfish, Jerry the rabbit or Mittens the cat, pets are more than just animals - they’re a member of the family and often a best friend. Rest In Pets is a brand new range of pet caskets and urns that have been specially designed in New Zealand to allow families and children to give their beloved pets the send off they deserve. Rest In Pets caskets are available from RRP $20 to $45 at all good vet clinics as well as Pet.co.nz, Petpost, Pet Doctors clinics and www.restinpets.com. We have five large caskets to give away.
Win Gr andpa’s Slippers by Jo Watson and Wendy Hodder
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They are ratty and tatty, a little bit mouldy and a little bit smelly! There are holes in the soles and ... look, is that Grandpa’s toe? It is time for a new pair of slippers, but Grandpa can’t let his old ones go. This much loved picture book by Joy Watson and illustrated by Wendy Hodder celebrates its 25th anniversary in a completely redesigned and refreshed edition. Thanks to Scholastic, www.scholastic.co.nz, we have five of these to give away.
win win win Win Wake by Anna Hope A moving debut novel about three women awaiting the arrival of the Unknown Soldier after the Great War: A portrait of three intertwining lives caught at the faultline between empire and modernity, Wake captures the beginnings of a new era, and the day the mood of the nation changed for ever. Thanks to Random House www.randomhouse.co.nz We have five of these to give away. www.familytimes.co.nz
9
cool activities
Calendar of Events Wrap the family up nice and New Lynn Night Market. Experience traditional street foods from around the world warm and head out to enjoy at this Thursday night market with entertainsome fantastic winter, family- ment, workshops and cultural performances. From 5.30-9pm, New Lynn Community friendly events. For more Centre. event and entertainment 27 June – 29 August ideas, visit www.familytimes. Winter Nights Story Time. Join us for Frico.nz and enjoy our large, day nights of stories, songs and games. Feel free to wear your PJs and bring your teddy family-friendly resource. bear or flashlight. All ages – free! Onehunga Until 29 June Library, 85 Church Street, 6-7pm. Zirka Circus. Zirka Circus brings you its 28 June third tour of New Zealand. Send in the Clowns! is funnier and better than ever before. At The Trusts Arena 65-67 Central Park Drive. Visit www.zirkacircus.com for booking details.
23-24 June Science Roadshow . The Science Roadshow offers kids, teachers and parents an opportunity to explore science and technology concepts by touch and feel. One Tree Hill College, 451 Great South Road, Auckland, 9.30am – 2.45pm.
23 June – 19 July The Whale Rider by Witi Ihimaera. Come see Whale Rider come to life in the theatre. Shows at 10.30am and 3pm, The PumpHouse Theatre, Killarney Park. Visit timbrayproductions.org.nz for details.
27 June – 9 July
The Great NZ Garage Sale. Come along and treat yourself to a bacon and egg sandwich and freshly brewed coffee while you browse for a bargain at New Zealand’s biggest ever garage sale! Free, ASB Stadium, 9am-12pm.
5 July Green Living Show 2014. New Zealand’s largest consumer and trade sustainability show with a range of creative and responsible products, organics, services and innovation already available and up-and-coming. ASB Showgrounds, 10am-5pm.
7 – 10 July Morning Cooking Classes with Vanessa Baxter. These classes are perfect for gaining essential tips and tricks use in the kitchen. Ages 5-plus, 9.30-11am, 422 Dominion Road. For costs and bookings visit www.noshfoodmarket.com.
7 – 17 July School Holiday Donut Making Workshop. Southern Maid will teach you how to make
New Zealand
The Baby Show offers an incredible range of products and services all in one place, often at show-only prices. their delicious donuts. Shop 11, 28 Remuera Road, Auckland, 12-2pm daily. Phone 09 520 3343 for bookings.
12 July Bastille Day Street Festival. Bonjour July! Remuera’s Bastille Day Street Festival is fabulous French fun for the whole family... and it’s free! Remuera Shopping Village, Remuera Road/Victoria Avenue, 10am – 2pm. Visit www.remuera.org.nz.
19-26 July Te Ara Rama Matariki Light Trail. The Matariki Light Trail turns Maybury Reserve into a magical landscape. Dress up warm for this popular Maori New Year family celebration. Maybury Park, 108 Line Road, Auckland. From 6-9.30pm.
7 August
An invitation to all girls aged 5 to 18...
Variety Monster Book Fair. Variety hosts its annual Monster Book Fair. Find a treasure amongst more than 100,000 books for kids
Come join the fun & friendship at any of our nationwide locations.
Head along to Zirka for a circus extravaganza! and the whole family, from $1. Alexandra Park Raceway, visit www.variety.org.nz for more details.
22 August Baby Show. It’s New Zealand’s most successful, longest-running, and best-loved shopping event for expectant parents and parents of babies and children under the age of five years. From 10am – 5pm, ASB Showgrounds. Visit www.babyshow.co.nz.
Visit & Experience
Parliament
www.girlsbrigade.org.nz E-mail: info@girlsbrigade.org.nz
ARTZ NSH W WHERE FAME BEGINS
School Holiday Performing Arts Workshop Students aged 5-15 years
The July Workshop is:
DISNEY disney AUCKLAND CBD : 7 - 11 July at Epsom Girls Grammar EAST AUCKLAND : 7 - 11 July at St Kentigern College NORTH SHORE: 7 - 11 July at Westlake Boys High School
Enrol online NOW at www.artzonshow.co.nz Phone: 0800 ONSHOW (667469) Email: artz@onshow.net.nz
Take a free tour with a professional tour guide who will show you the historic buildings, stunning art collection and talk you through the parliamentary process. Parliament Tours run daily, private and art focused tours for groups are run on request and need to be booked in advance.
For bookings and tour information: P: 04 817 9503 E: tour.desk@parliament.govt.nz www.parliament.nz www.familytimes.co.nz
10
cool activities
Entertainment Winter is upon us, and with it, the temptation to hibernate in the warmth of home. But with so many exciting things to do around the city, you’re going to want to put on winter woollies and head out for some entertainment. Here are a few ideas to get you started, and we’ve got heaps more at www.familytimes.co.nz. Live Day Join us for hands-on Victorian crafts; villagers will be spinning wool, weaving, knitting, lacemaking and much more. On 15 June 10am-4pm, Howick Historical Village, phone 09-576-9506, visit www. fencible.org.nz.
Auckland Live presents Goldilocks and the Three Bears
360 Discovery: Discover the Hauraki Gulf and its unique wildlife on the islands of Tiritiri Matangi and Rotoroa; or catch a ferry over to Coromandel Town and check out the variety of family activities available. Visit www.fullers.co.nz.
Fullers Catch a Fullers ferry to Devonport and uncover the history of the area by exploring
Head along to Zirka for a circus extravaganza! North Head and the old World War II tunnels and gun emplacements. Seriously good fun! Visit www.fullers.co.nz.
The Baby Show You’ll find all the products and services for new parents or parents-to-be under one roof at the Baby Show. Tickets are on sale now at
Tania Lee – creative success set in stone After two years of working as a full-time artist, an advert for Wellington art school The Learning Connexion caught Tania’s eye. “The environment looked so creative. I felt an inner spark I hadn’t felt in a very long time.” Tania researched the art school and attended the popular preview workshop at the campus. “I loved it! It was so practical, friendly and really fun. I signed up straight away.” Tania is enrolled in The Learning Connexion’s study-from-home option as a part-time student, however, she makes regular trips to the campus. “I love the choice of being able to attend on-site classes whenever I want to. The classes
are so versatile.” Tania especially enjoys the facilities such as the 3D studio as well as the opportunity to interact with other artists. “It is awesome meeting other likeminded people who are so encouraging and generous with their knowledge and experience.” To anyone considering study at The Learning Connexion, Tania says to you, “Stop mucking around and just do it! It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.” To enquire about studying at The Learning Connexion School of Art and Creativity, call us on 0800-278-769, or check www.tlc. ac.nz Full-time, part-time, from home or on-campus.
babyshow.co.nz. From 22 –24 August 2014, ASB Showgrounds, www.babyshow.co.nz.
Holiday specials Here are some great holiday ideas designed to keep you and your little ones entertained during the school break.
There will be storytelling, face painting, madness and mayhem as Goldilocks and the Three Bears is given a modern day twist. At The Bruce Mason Centre, 14-19 July, 11am. Visit ticketmaster.co.nz.
Artz on Show School holiday performing arts workshop for students aged 5 to 15-years. Auckland CBD: 7-11 July at Epsom Girls Grammar. East Auckland: 7-11 July at Kentigern College. North Shore: 7-11 July at Westlake Boys High School.
NEW classrooms for Preschool and Under Twos 7.30 to 6pm all day or half days Babies to 5+ Great staff ratios Free 20 hours ECE for over 3 Get ready for school programme
Free 4 hour sessions for 3-6 year olds
22B Willcott Street
846 8436
Next to the Mt Albert Railway Station
www.jumpstartkids.school.nz 11
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support services
Teaching kids respect Sometimes it’s important to sweat the small stuff!
I
t’s not good to growl at every little thing, but there are small battles worth winning to cancel out the bigger ones. When you ignore poor manners, back chat and rudeness, you allow your child to become disrespectful and even angry. Nip the small things in the bud and win those battles. How your child speaks to you is important! Taking ground over a small area will give you success in bigger areas. Go for it - be firm. Parents often drop their
“You, as a parent, feel you have been generous in ignoring the little things, and yet confused as to why your child is becoming harder to manage, not easier.” guard over little things like how their child speaks to them. They ignore the whining, moaning, grizzling, taunting and cheek, in favour of keeping their energy and big guns for the major battles. Children often see this drop in attention to respect as a doorway to act in more challenging ways, and this is where parenting gets hard. You, as a parent, feel you have been generous in ignoring the little things, and yet confused as to why your child is becoming harder to manage, not easier. Pay attention to how they speak to you and start real early; like the correct way of asking
for their drink or thanking you for their treat. Energy and focus on respectful speaking serves to curb harder more intense behaviors like tantrums, swearing, lying and anger outbursts. A similar thing was shown to be effective in New York City. Rudy Gullianne tackled petty crime and tagging and took out a lot of major crime in the process. The motivation behind what a child is doing can be your key to deciding whether to tackle it or not. A parent is often making the quick decision. Is this simply playfulness, an accident, an over tired child, forgetfulness, a lack of concentration or is it a lack of respect? If it is a challenge to respecting you, it is worth being firm on.
Ways to firm up • Talk about your family rule of respectful-
•
•
ness - introduce it as your bottom line. Your children will appreciate knowing why you are insisting that everyone in the family speaks with respect to one another. Model it daily in your own interactions. Your children are looking for what respect really looks like. They will watch you and learn from you all the time: the way you address the waiter in the restaurant, the way you speak to the person you disagree with, the way you pass messages on and probably most importantly, the way you treat family members. If you yell, show disdain, complain and show a low tolerance level for people with different ideas, it is what your children will copy. Have simple consequences for disrespect. It is easy to rant and rave about
“The motivation behind what a child is doing can be your key to deciding whether to tackle it or not.”
•
something you want to see happen. Kids get used to it and decide that they can endure the lecture. If you really want their behavior to change, let your consequences do the shouting for you. Follow up on unkind words, taunting and ridicule. Let your children know that it will not be talked about – it will be acted upon. Give your children another chance to
Letter to the editor
Dear Editor, Here is the story of my boy Benjamin and his
Family Times. Since my boy was two and a half or three, he has been obsessed with the Family Times magazine. Some children carry round stones or favourite teddies or Match Box toys. My boy carried the Family Times magazine for a while. His preschool teacher even featured it in his profile book as his favourite activity. After he has “read” it cover to cover, he then cuts out his favourite adverts or stories and sticks them in another book. He can spot it a mile off and gets excited about the new one for him. He actually believes it is written for him, as it has his favourite places like Willowbank, the Antarctic Centre, Court Theatre, the movie theatres and pictures of kids having fun. We had to limit how many
which activities we will plan, which toys we will buy and which books we will read. Now he is recognising letters and numbers (and almost words) he likes to read it to us. Sincerely, Prudence Thomson Please send your letters to editor@familytimes. co.nz. Letters may be edited for space limitations and legal reasons.
Family Times magazines he took home from preschool – but then he would see it in other places apart from preschool and he thought it was HIS! He still thinks (at age four-and-a-half) that his magazine is written for his benefit, to announce which movies we will take him too,
For more letters to the editor see page 13 & 15
Dairy Free, Ethical Animal Friendly Fair Trade, Vegan Make a difference everytime you shop!
show you they can speak respectfully. Everyone slips up from time to time. When children do something disrespectful, like shout at you from one end of the house, go to them and calmly and firmly tell them that you would like to help out, but you are waiting to be asked nicely and when you are both in the same room. Invite them to try again and be prepared to wait it out so that they appreciate that you mean what you say. Respect is not an optional extra. It really is a vital ingredient to prioritise and foster. Treating people respectfully is totally achievable and totally worth the effort. By Jenny Hale, senior family coach at The Parenting Place
La Leche League Jenny was planning to wean her baby when she went back to work fulltime at four months. However, baby Angus wasn’t taking to the changes. So Jenny went along to her local La Leche League meeting for help. She was delighted to learn that it was possible to combine working and breastfeeding and came away with some good tips about expressing her milk and giving Angus a bottle. She heard about how a baby’s sleeping and feeding patterns can alter and what to expect. La Leche League groups meet all around New Zealand. Find where at lalecheleague.org.nz or facebook.com/LLLNZ.
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Breastfeeding support in many ways Meet breastfeeding mothers ContaCt a trained breastfeeding counsellor Read a book from our library BRowse our website Join and receive aroha magazine Buy books and leaflets donate to help La Leche League help more mums like you.
0800 568 856
CONTACT US: (09) 846 0752 EMAIL: help@lalecheleague.org.nz facebook.com/LLLNZ lalecheleague.org.nz www.familytimes.co.nz
12
Family physical activity Building up to an overnight tramp In a special series of articles for Family Times, Jackie Cowan and Nick Draper – primary school and physical activity specialists from the University of Canterbury –highlight some activities, family games and resources that can help families add more fun physical activity into their lives.
for morning and afternoon tea and lunch provide natural opportunities to be active. Teachers can help further by bringing physical activity breaks into the classroom on top of any scheduled PE lessons. In addition, teachers, and we as parents, can promote physical activity options for children and get involved as well. There is no stronger message for children than when we get involved with physical activity and games with them. Another great research finding is that walking represents a great form of physical activity that can help elevate our metabolism. We don’t need to go to the gym or for a run to get our heart and lungs working to promote our health and wellbeing. Walking is a great way to increase our physical activity. s we uncover a greater understanding of Walking is therefore the focus of our editorial the importance of regular physical activity this season. As well as breaks during our in our lives, this highlights the importance working days, we can make walking and for all the family to be out and about playing tramping part of family activity time. The games and getting regular – daily – exercise. suggestions in the rest of the article provide Our bodies are designed to move, so to some steps towards taking an overnight promote continued health and wellbeing we tramp as a family, and in doing so, taking need to be physically active. advantage of the great huts that our regional Yet here we are sitting at a computer typing and national parks have to offer. this, and you are sitting reading this article for Most kids love camping and an overnight Family Times – all is not lost for us though! family trip could be a great highlight of the Although physically inactivity has become a summer season. So now, through the autumn big part of many of our working lives, such as and winter, it’s a great time to build up your sitting in an office for work, research shows walking skills and to start planning such a trip. us that if we take regular breaks and get up Getting out as a family and walking locally and move, we can keep our metabolism – our is a great start – walk to the park, take the bodies, heart and lungs – at a healthier level. dog and use local maps with children to help For children in schools, the embedded breaks them find the way en route. To get used
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ISSN 1178
2011
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ISSN 1176 7944
issue 2011
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to carrying a backpack you could pack your lunches and water bottles into your daypacks. Encourage children to carry their own small daypacks where possible. Once you are happy with these walking experiences and sense that your family is ready for the next step, look for your first walking adventures in the outdoors. It’s great to begin with a visit to a local DOC Centre, where they can help identify good introduction walks. It’s also great to get off flat or tar-sealed roads and to walk in the hills and smaller footpaths near to home – building up the distances as you go. Then after another trip to DOC you can locate an accessible hut for a first overnight trip – it doesn’t need to
be a long tramp – it’s the fun of the trip and experience that are the key. With a tent and a camping stove and some simple recipes you can also do some great overnight camping trips in the back garden. Find some lightweight meals that you can cook easily. With a bit of help from an adult, children can also be involved in the cooking – this can make a great change from home. Foods that work well for an overnight camp include, pasta and sauces, wraps, instant soups and of course jellybeans to keep the troops moving during the walk to the hut. Leave lots of time to reach the hut and take some games (a ball and some cards etc) for the evening and a great time can be had by all!
Letter to the editor
Dear Editor On the topic of children doing chores, I
have come up with an idea that I would like to share as it is working amazingly well. I have three wonderful darlings who each have a different work ethic. I became sick of the negative spirals, and the energy it would take to ensure that simple tasks like setting the table and doing dishes were being executed in a fair way. Job charts didn’t work. One day after seeing how proud the youngest was at being “Star of the Day” at school, I hit
upon the idea of creating “Mummy’s Star Helper of the Day.” It’s been great – they know for only one day a week they have to do what I ask. It’s stopped the whining, the negativity, the exasperation and more importantly I find that a little bit of oneon-one time at the end of the day over the dishes is a great catch up. Sincerely A Ward, Christchurch Please send your letters to editor@ familytimes.co.nz. Letters may be edited for space limitations and legal reasons.
buy NZ made
Encouraging your preteen’s individuality T
here’ve been many articles and books written about encouraging your preteen’s individuality, so the only thing I can contribute is my own observations and experiences on the topic of how to best approach it. However, as a disclaimer to everything written here, my opinion still stands: you are the parent. You are a guiding light, and while you must take the time to understand what your preteen has going through their mind when they experiment, and even when they take strong stances, do not take a hands-off approach. It just doesn’t work. So with this in mind, how can you encourage your preteen’s individuality? It’s kind of simple. Think back to a time in your preteen years. Actually, think back to a time you recently decided to try something different. How excited were you when you came up with the idea? How did the people around you react? Did it stop or keep going? The first step is always to look back into your own life to gain some insight into what you liked about external opinions and what influenced you in your deci-
sions. Whether your preteen is experimenting, or changing their personality, remember it’s a flash of inspiration they are excited about because they truly believe it’s original. Preteen experimenting is often confused with their growth, and if you treat it as such, it can kill their creativity and make them never want to try something new again…or just lie and do it anyway.
“Think back to a time you recently decided to try something different. How excited were you when you came up with the idea?” So first and foremost, don’t judge. I know: it’s easier said than done when your preteen comes home with a tattoo and punky friends, but you get the idea. Obviously every action has at least
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some subconscious thought put into it, and as a parent, it’s important to understand why. How do you understand your preteen’s choices? You talk to them of course! You’re not a mind reader, right? And no one is expecting you to be. Carve out some time in your day to take your preteen to a café, or have a chat in between TV ads in the evening to just catch up. Seriously, everyone prescribes this but few parents take the time to actually talk to their kids. But then there’s the flip side; what if your preteen doesn’t have any interests you know of? Well, there should be some warning bells ringing because they are hiding something from you. Think about it logically: everyone has interests (surfing Facebook all day is NOT an interest by-the-way) so your pre-teen must do too. This calls for not so much an intervention, but an interest on your part. And here’s where the parenting comes in: encourage your preteen to take some extra activities. If they push back, this is the perfect time to enquire about what they are actually interested in and work from there. Ideally though, they will listen, take your suggestions on board, and all you need to do from there is follow up with their progress. By Eva Maria Eva-Maria is a 23-year-old on a mission to help improve 10,000,000 adult-teenager relationships around the world. She is the author of the bestselling You Shut Up! and sequel Shush, You!. She travels throughout New Zealand, Australia and Russia coaching families, running workshops and speaking at conferences and events about
the importance of intergenerational relationships and youth in the workforce, offering understanding from “the other side.” www.eva-maria.co.nz.
Fabulous NZ-made products all in one place Whether it’s warm clothing, school bags and stationery for the kids, food and drink, arts and crafts, or gorgeous cosmetics to pamper yourself with, you are sure to find it on Buy NZ Made’s website www. buynz.org.nz. The Buy NZ Made campaign has been running since 1988, encouraging people in New Zealand and around the world to buy and sell NZ-produced goods. All of the businesses that are members of the campaign have their products shown on the website, making it a great hub to find locally made items. There is bound to be something on there that you might not have known was made here, and there is sure to
“It’s gotta be New Zealand made” All sorts of things for all sorts of people, all made right here. buynz.org.nz /BuyNZMadeCampaign 14
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be something you’ll love! Each month, there is a themed email sent to Buy NZ Made’s mailing list which is full of specials, and also includes various competitions and information about new products and Kiwi success stories. July should be a particularly popular month, with the email being all about the many fantastic food producers that we have in NZ. As well as a bunch of food related specials, there will also be some chocolate to be won, which is always a good thing! So next time you are out shopping, keep an eye out for the “Kiwi in a triangle” logo. Visit www.buynz.org.nz.
Consumer smoke alarm research welcomed by Fire Service Smoke is toxic – and breathing it can kill. So you need an alarm that gives you early warning and more time to escape. For that reason alone, every home should have smoke alarms – but which ones to choose? There are several on the market, and they all have different levels of quality and function. The Fire Service says the latest Consumer research on smoke alarms will be enormously helpful to people trying to choose the best one for them from a baffling line-up on a shop shelf. National Fire Risk management advisor Todd O’Donoghue said the Fire Service has been investing in Consumer testing of smoke alarms since 2006. “It’s well known that smoke alarms save lives and we want to keep on top of which of the current ones are the best options for the public.” The latest research again reinforced the evidence that photoelectric smoke alarms provide significantly more protection than ionisation models. That’s because smoke is not just smoke. Smoke from flaming wood or cooking-oil fires is different from that produced by the cooler smouldering of upholstery foam, bedding or the plastic components in electrical equipment. Different smoke alarms detect this at different levels. Ionisation alarms sense
the volatile combustion products from hot flaming fires, but they don’t do as good a job sensing the smoke from smouldering fires because fewer combustion products are present. Photoelectric alarms shine a light beam across a chamber and detect if the air in the chamber becomes partially obscured. So they can detect smoke from both types of fires. The Fire Service and Consumer both advise people to replace their ionisation smoke alarms with long life photoelectric alarms. “Ionisation alarms are generally good at detecting fast flaming fires, but not as good at picking up smouldering fires. Photoelectric alarms generally perform better at detecting both types of fires,” said O’Donoghue. The Consumer research tested 20 different smoke alarms of varying prices and models under varying controlled fire conditions. Full details on the models that tested the best are available on the Consumer website www. consumer.org.nz. O’Donoghue said the Fire Angel long life smoke alarms installed by the Fire Service tested well, but did not score quite as highly as two similar long life alarms, Warrior and Aura. “The detection performance of the Fire Angel is well within the range of what we expect from a smoke alarm. However, in light of this research on the current crop of smoke alarms, we will review our choice to ensure we are providing the most effective alarm at the best price and meeting specific needs of some of our high risk communities.”
T T U U O O H H C C T T AA W W
s. n i ra t ic r t ec l e w ne d un o r a fe a s Be
New electric trains are being tested around Auckland 24/7. They’re fastER and quiEtER, so watch out. • Always cross at a proper crossing. • Always look both ways. • Stay off the tracks. • Stay behind the yellow lines at platforms.
AT.govt.nz/watchout
Most alarms come supplied with a battery: some are a basic carbon-zinc type; others are alkaline. Several models in the Consumer test came with a long-life lithium battery that lasts around 10 years – the life of the alarm. Consumer’s latest research recommends that alarms equipped with a long-life battery are a good idea. They take away the hassle of changing batteries and mean the alarm is always in working order. They’re also useful if the alarm is located in a difficult-to-reach area. The next-best solution is to use alkaline batteries – some are not too expensive and
they’re likely to last about three years. The Fire Service You Tube channel has a short video clip that explains how and where to install smoke alarms in your home
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Letter to the editor Dear Editor and team,
First of all I’d like to say congratulations on at least mentioning the fact that there are some concerns around vaccinations, citing groups such as WAVES nz and No Forced Vaccines. There is such a ridiculous, unilateral push on vaccines that the average person would be hard pressed to even think to question them - but question them we must, as well as the motives behind the guilt-inducing advertising campaigns you see everywhere and vast sums of money being made out of vaccines .
I’d encourage you to open up the debate even further and let people become informed and make their own decisions free from propaganda. We only ever hear one side of the story in the press - why is that? There are always two sides to every story - at least two sides. Anyway, thanks again for at least mentioning “the other side”. Regards, Mae Kiely (mother of two) Please send your letters to editor@ familytimes.co.nz. Letters may be edited for space limitations and legal reasons.
Aucklanders reminded to take care around the rail network New electric trains have started running in Auckland on the line that runs from Britomart to Onehunga, and more trains will be introduced in other parts of Auckland over the coming months. National Rail Safety charity TrackSAFE NZ says it’s a good time for whanau and caregivers to remind those in their care about the safety risks around tracks and trains. “The best way to stay safe is to remain focused at all times, look for trains in both directions before crossing the tracks and always wait for the bells and lights to stop before crossing the tracks,” says manager Megan Drayton “Most of Auckland has double tracks, and it’s really important to obey the lights and
bells at crossings because once a train has passed, another could be coming from the other direction.” The new electric trains will be powered by overhead wires which also has safety implications, says Ms Drayton. “These wires carry electrical energy 100 times more powerful than what is used in homes and the electricity can jump or arc across the air. “This means that people need to stay clear of these wires at all times, and should never let anything such as kites or balloons come into contact with them.” For more information about rail safety, including links to resources for schools, visit www.railsafety.co.nz. www.familytimes.co.nz
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