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Comforters
When it’s time for kids to let go
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DUNEDIN / ISSUE 61 / Spring 2014
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From the editor Contents Think for a minute about how hard it is to give up the things that you like.
4 Comforters
M
aybe it’s chocolate, sleep, exercise, or a glass of wine. Maybe it’s time to yourself, that holiday you’ve been planning, or a game of golf on a Saturday morning. As human beings, we reward ourselves with something that brings us comfort in some way. But when you become a parent, you inevitably sacrifice many of life’s comforts for the sake of your children. But then, you find a way to replace those things with something else that you can have. You can’t drop everything and go shopping with the girls, so instead, you buy a few delicious things that you love to eat at the supermarket. Instant comfort. Believe it or not, as adults, we still have our “comforters.” Just imagine yourself at a large, formal social gathering with a lot of people you don’t know. Do you hold on to a glass or cell phone? Would you feel confident meeting people without those things? It’s similar for kids. When they drag their familiar blanket around everywhere with them and scream blue murder if you try to take it away, what they’re afraid of is losing that buffer zone that they have with an uncertain world. It’s no wonder then that some kids take a long time before they are ready to part with an object that they associate with comfort and protection – essentially a “stand-in” for their parent/s. For example, registered psychologist Prue Urlwin says that kids in Canterbury may be more reluctant to let go of their comforters
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Features
Snugly blanket, dummy, or a pet toy – when is it time to let go?
6 Kids and chores
Getting kids involved in family responsibilities.
16 Conservation Week
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Get out and explore nature for Conservation Week.
Comment 8 Kids’ corner
due to the trauma that they have endured over the past few years through the earthquakes. They feel a strong need to have an item of comfort with them just in case of the worst. This issue we talk about comforters in our main editorial feature. Are they good or bad, at what age should a child be ready to forsake their comforter and embrace the world without it, and do pacifiers have a negative effect on development? Of course we’ve got all of our regular features too, as well as competitions and giveaways galore. Happy springtime everybody. Enjoy!
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feature story
Why kids love comforters Snugly blanket, dummy or soft-toy – when does a comforter become a crutch?
I
t’s cute when your two-year-old carries around a fluffy blanket and holds the silky edge close to their face. But what about five years later when that blanket looks more grey than pink no matter how many times you wash it, it’s patchy with a few holes, but your child refuses to go to sleep without it?
Why a comforter?
Lots of children use comforters. The object is a reminder of the special close times that infants have with their parents and becomes a stand-in for that closeness. They are a kind of bridge to help children move from the safety of being with their family to the big world around them, according to registered psychologist Prue Urlwin. “If a child has a comforter it is probably a reminder of sucking, which is calming. Sucking or holding comforters can help young children to feel safe when they are not with parents or family members, until they are old enough to feel okay by themselves.” Children usually have a strong need for the object at times of stress, change or separation, such as bedtime or when in child care, and studies have found that comforters help children to deal better with times of stress or anxiety.
Are comforters safe?
Parents can encourage a child to use a particular comforter (such as a teddy or soft toy) by leaving it with the child at bedtime,
but it is not possible to make a child choose what parents want. It has to be something that is special for the child. Plunket national child safety advisor Sue Campbell says that if your child had become attached to a particular blanket or toy, it’s important to be alert and check regularly that their favourite toy or blanket hasn’t become a danger, and it’s still safe for them to handle. “Take the age of the child into consideration when deciding whether a toy or blanket is safe in the first place. Favourite toys and blankets that are well-loved by children do wear away. Be aware of threads coming loose as they could come off and become a choking hazard.”
“As the child develops, their need for the comforter will lessen.” Self-settling
Not all children have comforters. Research shows that children who sleep near their parents or a sibling at night, and who are cared for during the day by a parent or other close family member, seem less likely to need a comforter. But as any parent will know, comforters are very important for the children who do use them. Some parents chose not to give their child a comforter in fear that it will inhibit their ability to self-settle. In short, without their security blanket, or dummy, their child will
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refuse to go to sleep on their own. However, research does show that the majority of children give up their comforter at an age when they feel safe and ready to undertake the growing challenges of life more independently – things like going to preschool, staying overnight with a relative other than their parents, or even sleeping in their own bed.
What age is normal?
Many babies get attached to a special toy or other comforter by the age of 6-months. From 8 to 9-months onwards, their need for the comforter can be very strong, especially at times when the child is not with a parent, and particularly at sleep time. For a child less than one-year-old, researchers say it’s a good idea to remove the comforter from the child’s cot once the child is asleep. As the child develops, their need for the comforter will lessen. Children are usually ready to give up their comforter by 3 to 4-years of age, once they feel safer in the absence of a parent – at least in the day time. However, when it comes to dummies (pacifiers) medical experts say that children need to be encouraged to stop sucking on a dummy ideally by the time they are two. There seems to be relatively little harm if the child continues until about three, but for normal development of their teeth and jaw, earlier is better. If your child does use a pacifier beyond the age of three, it’s important to make sure that they stop before their adult, permanent teeth come through at age 5 to 6-years.
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feature story Pacifiers – good or bad?
There are claims that pacifiers have bad effects on the health and development of children. However, claims that children who use dummies are likely to be less intelligent than other children is untrue – in fact, some researchers claim that tiny, premature babies who are given a dummy do better developmentally than those who aren’t, and using a dummy appears to lower the risk of SIDS. Children who use dummies are no more likely to get ear infections than those who don’t. But when it comes to breastfeeding and pacifiers, there are some things for parents to keep in mind. For example, if dummies are used with very young babies before breastfeeding really gets going well, the babies may not suck on the nipple as well as is needed to keep up the milk supply. Also, dummies should not be used to make breast-fed babies wait for a feed when they are hungry unless your doctor or child health nurse suggests it to make the time between feeds longer.
Giving up
For the most part, as kids develop more independence, their need for their comforter will lessen. They may still feel that they need it when they start preschool, but they usually become quickly aware that other kids don’t have them, and may become embarrassed about it. If this is the case, you can perhaps pin a dummy, or a small piece of their special blanket, on the inside of their pocket so that they can touch it when they need to, until they are ready to give it up. Gradually, their need for it will lessen until they forget about it altogether. A slightly tougher habit to give up, although it’s also a form of comforter, is thumb or finger-sucking. It’s harder to give up simply because thumbs and fingers are always there. It is important to try to curb the habit by the
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age of three though, as ongoing thumb or finger sucking can result in dental problems.
They won’t give it up
It’s best for children if they can give up their
“Children usually have a strong need for the object at times of stress, change or separation, such as bedtime or when in child care.” comforter when they are ready, not when others think they should, says registered psychologist Prue Urlwin. “If a child still needs a comforter/thumb a lot after 5 or 6, or if they can’t play without it, it would be important to try to find out if there are any underlying stresses in their life.” Sometimes 1 or 2-year-olds will give up their comforter, but they don’t always understand that they can’t have it back when they need it and may become quite distraught. So it’s better to let nature take its course: nagging about it will make the child more worried and need the comforter more. When you can see your child needs it less, put their comforter on a shelf when they are happily playing. You can tell your child where the comforter is so that they can get it when they need to, but it won’t just naturally follow everywhere they go. Try to engage more with your child during the day so that they think about it less. If a child still needs a comforter a great deal after 5 or 6 years of age, or if a younger child is unable to enjoy play without the comforter being there, it is important to try to find out what is happening in his life and to deal with any underlying stresses.
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Comforters – safety and other tips •
Practice safe sleeping. It is important for babies to have their faces clear at all times. Remove anything from your child’s bed that could prevent them from breathing while sleeping, such as blankets they could pull over their face.
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Avoid buttons. Don’t give a child anything that has buttons or sewnon small attachments that could find their way into a child’s mouth. They could fall off and become a choking hazard.
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Protect fingers and toes: steer clear of loops and holes. Children can get their fingers/toes caught in the holes in blankets, or in loops stitched on.
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Check the size of holes in blankets to make sure your child can’t get their fingers or toes caught.
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Be alert to dangers. Loose threads can become a choking hazard.
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If you see that your child is choosing a blanket or soft toy to be special, you could buy another one like it, so that they can both wear out at the same pace and can be changed when one needs washing.
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If a baby chooses the bottle as a comforter, make sure that there is only water in the bottle between feeds. Continually sucking milk or juice can damage teeth.
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Is getting your kids to do chores a chore?
Most of us grew up with responsibilities in the family. Maybe it was doing dishes, doing the ironing, mowing the lawns or feeding the family pet.
might jump in and do it for them, which would undermine the whole point. 2 Don’t delay. You might think your child is too young. But your kids may be more capable than you think. Kids can do a lot of chores at an early stage, for example, getting clothes to the laundry or cleaning up after dinner. Rather than taking the approach of waiting until they’re “ready”, take the approach that they will learn by doing. oday, with the busy lives and schedules that parents and kids have, some parents 3 Don’t be stingy with praise. Don’t wait until the chore is done: praise and find it easier to just do the chores themselves: encourage your child while the chore is in it avoids a confrontation with the kids at progress. You want to build positive mothe end of a long day, and after all, you can mentum, especially with young kids. probably do the job faster and better yourself. 4 Don’t be inconsistent. Elizabeth Pantley, For those parents who do try, it can be a author of parenting books including Kid struggle to get children to do the basics such Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagas making their bed, putting their toys away, ging, and Pleading and Get Kids to Coopor setting the table for dinner. erate, says if your kids aren’t expected to However, parenting experts agree that deregularly follow through, they might start spite the meltdowns, the arguments, and even putting chores off in the hope that somehostility at times over chores, if you don’t give one else will do them for them. your kids responsibility, you are making a rod for your own back and depriving your kids Start kids young. Young children have a desire from making a valuable contribution to the to help, even as young as age two. Although it family: learning responsibility in the family is a can be more work for parents at first, giving way to help children discover their meaningful young children simple tasks like putting their role in the family, and to develop a sense of toys away is training them for the future. purpose and significance. Remember to be careful with rewards. If you want your kids to develop an intrinsic sense of Pitfalls to avoid when it responsibility, they need to learn to not focus comes to chores on what they get, but what they contribute. 1 Don’t insist on perfection. No one is Also, don’t shelter them from the natural perfect, and it’s better to have a more consequences of their mistakes. If they fail to relaxed approach to how well your kids put their favourite clothes in the washing, let do their chores. Otherwise, you might them learn that they won’t have their favouhave a struggle on your hands. Or you rite clothes for their weekend party.
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Age appropriate chores
Chores for children ages 2 to 3 • Put toys away • Fill pet’s food dish • Put clothes in hamper • Wipe up spills Chores for children ages 4 to 5 Any of the above chores, plus: • Make their bed • Empty wastebaskets • Bring in mail or newspaper • Clear table Chores for children ages 6 to 7 Any of the above chores, plus: • Sweep floors • Set and clear table
• Help make and pack lunch • Keep bedroom tidy
Chores for children ages 8 to 9 Any of the above chores, plus: • Load dishwasher • Put away groceries • Vacuum • Help make dinner Chores for children ages 10 and older. Any of the above chores, plus: • Unload dishwasher • Fold laundry • Clean bathroom • Change their bed sheets We’ve got parenting covered. For more parenting features, visit us at www. familytimes.co.nz.
Words of Wisdom with Diane Levy Exuberant five-year-old How is it possible to get a loud, overly excitable five-year-old child to keep his voice down and use it at appropriate times? He’s a “life-of-the-party” personality and gets carried away when there are people around. People = audience in his books! It is certainly possible to teach your excitable five-year-old to exercise appropriate selfrestraint, but it will require you to give up on growling, explaining, nagging and reprimanding. The words “appropriate” and “inappropriate” are useful. They help make any call for his self-restraint particular to the situation rather than attacking his “life-of-the-party” personality. It is also important that we keep our children’s dignity intact. Be determined that each time, as he begins to move into inappropriately over-excitable, noisy behaviour, you go over, put a hand on his arm or shoulder and quietly and firmly say, “You are getting too noisy. Can you stop?” Wait with your hand on his arm or shoulder until he acknowledges you and agrees that he can quieten down. If he declines to quieten down or if he starts up again, take him to a private spot, away from everyone, sit him down and say firmly, “We are waiting here until you are sure that you can quieten down to suitable (or appropriate) behaviour. I’ll check with you in five minutes.” Spend the five minutes silently looking at your watch. If you do this every time his behaviour or noise level is over the top, he will begin to learn appropriate self-restraint while still keeping the joyful part of his nature.
Submit your parenting questions and concerns to family therapist, counsellor, parenting coach and speaker Diane Levy. This is a regular column, so get those questions flowing! Email us at editor@familytimes. co.nz. Get an order form for Diane’s popular books via www.familytimes.co.nz. For more advice from Diane Levy, check out www.familytimes.co.nz.
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Terrible twos – myth or reality? It can happen anytime in a child’s second year, long before their second birthday or even closer to their third.
B
ut for almost all children, there is a space in time when they morph from the angelic baby stage to toddlerhood, and a phase commonly lamented by parents as “the terrible twos.” Maybe it starts at the lolly aisle at the supermarket; complete breakdown, a screaming tantrum that won’t be calmed. Or if you’re lucky, maybe it’s at home when your child doesn’t get to eat what they want for breakfast. Food finds its way to the floor, the walls, into your child’s hair, and there’s more inconsolable crying, yelling and screaming. Either way, there are few parents who get to dodge the bullet of the terrible twos, as the vast majority of children go through this stage says registered psychologist Prue Urlwin. “It’s all part of natural development. However, every child and parent is different in many ways, depending on resources, family support, how they were parented, if a child is at preschool, unwell, different temperaments and personalities, first child or following child. There is no one way to parent and even within a family different children may need differing strategies.” The main thing to remember is that the terrible twos are a stage: a developmental stage, that is, and it will end. It’s also important to remember that your child isn’t necessarily trying to be defiant or rebellious on purpose. They are expressing their growing independence and they don’t necessarily have the language skills to easily express their needs. That can be why the word “no” becomes their favourite word and why they frequently resort to hitting, biting and temper tantrums when they don’t get their way, says Urlwin. “Two-year-olds can become frustrated quickly because they have not yet learned
to manage their emotions. They have mastered walking, running and are starting to talk but they are still learning social skills. Hitting and biting can be partly experimental and exploration or finding it hard to communicate.” It can be easier to get through the terrible twos if you arm yourself with knowledge about your child’s development in advance. For example, tantrums can occur for a host of reasons. In your mind, as a parent, the colour spoon you eat your breakfast with is hardly due the effort of an all-out tantrum. But in the mind of two-year-old, it can seem wholly justified, and very important. It’s at this age that children have an enormous explosion of brain development, and with it comes increased independence and personal preferences. However, young children still have a limited understanding of what is going on the world around them, and are challenged and confused by the emotions that they feel. They look to their parents or caregivers to be an anchor in the exciting but ever-changing world that they are growing into. Here are some tips to help you manage the terrible twos: • Provide your child with stability. Have a regular routine for meals, naps, bedtime etc, and try to stick to it. • Give your child some choices, but limited ones. Ask if they would prefer an apple or an orange, rather than what they want for a snack. This makes them feel like they have some decision-making power, but not open-rein. • Set limits, and stick to them, even when your child tests them. They want to see what they can get away with. • Don’t give in to tantrums. • Introduce time-out and confiscation of toys as discipline techniques. For more helpful hints with babies and toddlers, check out www.familytimes.co.nz.
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Eight-page suppleme nt on “the new normal”
IN CINE MAS
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Kids Maze
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Can you find your way to the basket of the hot-air balloon?
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spot the difference
TAP
Spot the Difference
Can you spot 8 differences between these 2 pictures
KM023_Balloon_PUZSOL.eps © Lovatts Puzzles Can you spot the eight differences between these two pictures?
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www.danz.org.nz/rasa.php
© Lovatts Puzzles
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Across 1. Crosswords have ... and white squares (5) 3. A tube you suck a drink through (5) 6. A vegetable that might make your eyes sting when you peel and cut it (5) 8. Quacking bird (4) 10. Slightly open (4) 13. Colourful arc seen in the sky after it rains (7) 14. Leather strap held by a horse rider (4) 16. Stick used to hit a ball in golf (4) 18. Winged heavenly messenger (5) 19. Stared (up at the stars) (5) 20. Marshy land (5) Down 1. Rock group (4) 2. Person who prepares meals (4) 4. Fish you can buy in a tin (4) 5. Tusked Arctic mammal (6) 7. Pressing clothes after they are washed (7) 9. Short-legged dog (5) 11. Gemstone (5) 12. The season when flowers bloom (6) 15. What you are called (you have a first one and last one and maybe a middle one) (4) 16. A spike on a cat’s paw (4) 17. Collide with, ... into (4) Chase more puzzles visit our website www.lovattspuzzles.com
Spot The Difference - Cartoon spotDiff007_Wild_West.eps © Lovatts Puzzles
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Solution: 1. Light in saloon window, 2. Hole in barrel, 3. Chimney, 4. Extra arrow, 5. Mountain range on right of picture, 6. Dollar sign on money bag, 7. Native American’s knife, 8. Extra sun.
Win Natu r al M eds prize packs Keeping well in winter needn’t be hard work – Natural Meds has a range of quality vitamins and supplements for the whole family. Family Times has eight prize packs to give away, including Nordic Naturals Children’s DHA , strawberry flavoured omega-3 soft gels made from 100% wild Arctic cod, and Children’s Oxylent, a delicious Berry Punch multi vitamin drink that supports your child’s health and wellbeing. For stockists, visit www.naturalmeds.co.nz. 8
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Win a LUSH prize pack – 25 to b e won
LUSH Fresh Handmade Cosmetics are giving away this beautiful gift pack of warmth, comfort and Mediterranean citrus jubilation. It contains four products that will help you look on the bright side of life! LUSH is known for its strong ethical stance against animal testing, support for grassroots organisations, environmental stewardship and stunning products for the skin and hair. Everything is freshly handmade with high-quality fruits, vegetables and essential oils to make you feel like a ray of sunshine when you use them! Contains: Sugar Scrub, Each Peach (And Two’s a Pair) Massage Bar, Olive Branch shower gel, and a wedge of Bohemian soap.
Family times: Design competition Design a spring outfit made out of flowers and vegetables. It could be for you, your mum, your dad or anyone else. Please describe what it is made out of. Send us your picture and be in to win an amazing $50 prize pack from Crayola! Three entry age groups: preschool (age 1-4), 5-8, 9-12. Create your design on an A5 sheet or download the template and entry form from www.familytimes.co.nz. Post in to PO Box 36 004, Christchurch 8146. Entries close on 11 October 2014. Congratulations to our competition winners from our last issue Design your very own New Zealand superhero. Thank you also to kidsonscreen for the idea, DVD prizes; and also to our judge: Felicity Milburn of the Christchurch Art Gallery Te Puna O Waiwhetu. They are: Luke Harrison, (1-4 years old) This is Nightman. He has the power to put people to sleep and change the shape of the moon.
James Yang, (5-8 years old) Spider James is saving the people.
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Win LEGO ® Friends First Aid J u ng le Bike RRP $2 9.99
Speed to the rescue on the LEGO® Friends First Aid Jungle Bike. There’s a monkey in distress trapped in a cave and it’s up to Emma to save him. Help Emma to shovel the fallen rocks and then check the monkey with Emma’s medic bag. Give the monkey a banana to eat and use the walkie-talkie to radio home. Set includes Emma mini-doll figure, monkey, First Aid Jungle Bike with detachable side-car and other accessories. Ages 6 – 12. We have 20 x LEGO® Friends First Aid Jungle Bike sets to give away.
Wairaamia Taratoa-Bannister , (9-12 years old) Kia Ora my name is Junior Platnium. I work 24/7 until my enemies are in heaven. My powers are kiwifruits that fly and my back up is Pav who is very sly.
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Win a Teenag e Mutant Ninja Tu rtles movie prize pack – in cinemas 1 8 Se ptem b er. Darkness has settled over New York City as Shredder and his evil Foot Clan have an iron grip on everything from the police to the politicians. The future is grim until four unlikely outcast brothers rise from the sewers and discover their destiny as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is released 18 September 2014. To celebrate we have 5 prize packs to give away. - 1 x In-season double pass - 1 x Longboard - 1 x Pizza cutter - 1 x Toy This competition ends 30 September.
J ust tick the thing s you want to win
LEGO® Friends
Name Address
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles LUSH prize pack Natural Meds prize packs
Post Code City Phone
To be in the draw to win, enter online at www.familytimes.co.nz or write your name and address on the back of an envelope or postcard and send to: Christchurch Competition, PO Box 36 004, Christchurch 8146 to reach us by October 11th, 2014, unless stated otherwise. Only one entry per household. www.familytimes.co.nz
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cool activities
Calendar of Events It’s time to put away the winter 11am. To register, visit activatemusic.co.nz/ woollies and get excited about jam-band. 29 September all that the new season has Mosgiel Holiday Flicks: free family movie to offer. For more event and screenings. Come along in the school holidays entertainment ideas, visit www. and enjoy a movie with us. From 1.30pm, familytimes.co.nz and enjoy our Downs Room, Mosgiel Library. Free. large, family-friendly resource. 3 October SGCNZ National Shakespeare Schools Pro13 September Skate of Origin. New Zealand’s best ice hockey players go toe-to-toe in a one-match winner takes all battle of the islands. Dunedin Ice Stadium, 7-9pm. Phone 0800 BUY TIX (289 849).
duction. All the world’s a stage! Come watch secondary students from across New Zealand participate in three spectacular Shakespeare productions. Otago Boys High School, 7.30 – 10pm. Phone 0508 iTICKET.
14 September
7 October
Stadium Carboot Market. The Stadium Carboot Market is the perfect place to hunt for bargains or sell your unwanted goods; an excellent alternative to a garage sale. From 10am-2pm, Forsyth Barr Stadium, www. stadiummarket.co.nz.
Have a go at knitting and crochet. Learn the basics and use your new skills to make scarves and hats. Ages 7-years plus. From 10am-12noon, or 1-3pm, Dunedin City Library. For bookings phone 03-474 3690 or email library@dcc.govt.nz.
20 September – 12 October 7-9 October Treasure Jar. Using the sheet and materials provided, fill the jar with a drawing of a collection of your favourite things. Be in to win a great prize. Dunedin Public Art Gallery, 10am – 4.30pm daily.
27 September
Activate Music Academy Jam Band. Activate Music Academy and The Creative Communities Scheme present Jam Band, your opportunity to meet other musicians and develop the skill of playing in a band. From 10-
New Zealand
Music Therapy Workshop. This is a workshop for children who are placed in an environment where they are able to engage in a cultural experience through Maori music. From 1.30pm – 3.30pm, Toitu Otago Settlers Museum, free.
8 - 11 October
U13 National Championships. Basketball New competition for the national title. Edgar Centre. Visit www.basketball.org.nz. Zealand and Otago Basketball Association host the 2014 U13 National Championships. 10 - 12 October Forty teams battle it out over four days of Antique & Collectors’ Fair. Vintage tools,
e h t r Fo e t a ultim ut! day o
An invitation to all girls aged 5 to 18... Come join the fun & friendship at any of our nationwide locations.
www.girlsbrigade.org.nz E-mail: info@girlsbrigade.org.nz
Birds’ eye view stilt-walkers getting a grandstand view at the Victorian Fete in Oamaru.
11 Christie St, GREEN ISLAND
PH: 03-488 4448
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quality china, crystal, art, glass and silver, clocks, militaria, books, jewellery (vintage/ modern) and much more. At Otago Museum, 10am-5pm, adults $6, children free.
Discover the Little Blue Penguin in its natural habitat. Guided tours depart every evening prior to dusk. Bookins can be made at the Royal Albatross Centre or online. The Royal Albatross Centre is open before each tour for ticket sales and assembly.
Bookings for Blue Penguin evening tours are recommended.
Book now online at www.bluepenguins.co.nz For more information call 027 BPenguin (027-273 6484)
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Entertainment
7 November
The Science Road Show. The Science Roadshow offers an opportunity to explore various science and technology concepts by “touch and feel.” At Taieri College, 3 Green Street, Mosgiel, Dunedin 9.30am – 2.55pm. Visit www. scienceroadshow.co.nz.
8 November Leith Valley Church Fair. Loads of stalls, fun events, live music, great food and games for the kids. Bring the family; it will be a great day out. At 267 Malvern St, Glenleith, 10am – 2pm.
16 November
Oamaru Victorian Fete. Food, live music, stalls and entertainment. Fun for the entire family! From 10am-4pm. Visit www. victorianoamaru.co.nz.
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Meet the funniest kid in fiction!
Win Shout y Kid “Hi there, my name is Harry Riddles and I am 10-years-old, which my mum says is too young to have problems but she is wrong. My dad just lost his job, which means we might have to move house and I need money to make my mega-amazing zombie movie but there is no way I will sell my X-box.” Follow Harry’s hilarious ups and downs. We have 10 books to give away. Enter online at www.familytimes.co.nz or write your name and address on the back of an envelope or postcard and send to: Shouty Kid, PO Box 36 004, Christchurch, to reach us by 11 October, 2014. Check out our website for more fantastic competitions.
2014/2015 primary and intermediate school term dates
cool activities
SCHOOL TERM DATES
Spring is in the air, and it’s a fantastic time to head out and make the most of the rising temperatures. Indoors or out, there’s plenty to keep your family entertained this season. Here are a few ideas to get you started, and we’ve got heaps more at www.familytimes.co.nz. Activate Music Academy
Activate Music Academy and Creative Communities Scheme present Jam Band: your opportunity to develop skills playing in a band. Free one-hour workshop. Saturdays 10am. All ages and abilities. Register online: activatemusic.co.nz/jam-band.
Otago Museum
No matter the weather, Otago Museum is always the hottest place in town! Experience a lush, living Tropical Forest, where you’ll meet live butterflies and other tropical creatures in their natural paradise.
Royal Albatross Centre
Your chance to see the world’s only mainland breeding colony of Royal Albatross and the historic Fort Taiaroa. Visit our cafe, gallery and stay late for a Blue Penguin tour.
Holiday specials
Playhouse Theatre
Playhouse Theatre’s holiday production is Sleeping Beauty: suitable for all ages. Dates: 27 September until Sunday 5 October, 11am
2014 and 2015 secondary and composite school term dates Term 4, 2014
Term 2, 2015
Monday 20 April to Friday 3 July
Term 3, 2015
Monday 20 July to Friday 25 September
Improve your riding skills and develop a rapport with your horse or a riding school horse.
eight horse locations around the garden and receive a prize!
Royal Albatross Centre
Fun and learning on a riding school horse or with your own horse.
Discover the magic of Taiaroa Head during the spring school holidays by joining one of our unique Taiaroa tours for only $55 for the entire family.
Lessons also available after school, during weekends and school holiday courses.
Mobile: 021-808 596
Monday 13 October to Tuesday 16 December
Term 1, 2015
Term 2, 2015
Rasa
Do you want to learn to dance but are unsure
Term 1, 2015
Between Monday 2 February and Thursday 5 February to Thursday 2 April
HORSE RIDING LESSONS
and 2pm daily. Saturday 27 and Sundays 2pm only. Cost $7. Phone 03-477-6544 for bookings.
Here are some great holiday which style? Then come along to the RASA end-of-year show at the Regent Theatre on ideas designed to keep Sunday 7 December at 6pm. you and your little ones Dunedin Chinese Gardens entertained during the school Chinese Treasures Lucky Horse Hunt for kids of all ages. Use the map to mark the break.
Term 4, 2014
Monday 13 October to no later than Friday 19 December
Megazone is an exciting and immersive sci-fi experience for all ages.
Between Monday 2 February and Thursday 5 February to Thursday 2 April Monday 20 April to Friday 3 July
Term 3, 2015
Monday 20 July to Friday 25 September
Remaining public holidays 2013 27 October 25 December 26 December
Labour Day Christmas Day Boxing Day
SUNDAY 16 NOV 2014
Discover the
Otago Museum Open daily, 10am–5pm 419 Great King Street, Dunedin PH 03 474 7474 www.otagomuseum.govt.nz
For stalls and information, email: fete@victorianoamaru.co.nz
www.victorianoamaru.co.nz www.familytimes.co.nz
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Etiquette guide to kids’ birthday parties Kids’ parties are simple affairs, right? A few balloons, a cake, presents, and done! But what about the adults?
O
nce your kids are old enough to spend time around other kids—whether it’s at preschool or school—you can expect one thing to pop up like clockwork: birthday party invitations. They just keep coming and coming and coming. They’re a great fun, interactive and social time for kids, but often adults aren’t too sure of what is appropriate for them at the party – should they stay or should they go? How much should they spend on a present? And if you’re hosting, then there are a raft of other questions too. So here are a few dos and don’ts on birthday party etiquette to help you enjoy the day too:
When is it appropriate for a parent to stay or leave a child’s party? If you’re the host
Sometimes you may want other parents on hand to help you supervise the children during the party. This is often helpful when you’re hosting a group of kids five or younger, or a large group of kids. To make this request clear, you can add wording on the invitations asking that the invited child come with one parent. A good time to confirm this request is when the other parents call you to respond.
If your child is the guest If there is nothing to indicate that your
presence is requested on the birthday invitation, you can assume that you do not need to attend with your child. However, if you would prefer to stay with your child for the party, you can raise this with the host parent when you RSVP.
“Kids this age really do need a parent nearby at social events like birthday parties, no matter how independent they are at home.” At what age can children attend parties without a parent? When your child is a guest, plan to stay at each party he attends through the age of four. Kids this age really do need a parent nearby at social events like birthday parties, no matter how independent they are at home. Many children become overwhelmed by the excitement and the crowd at a party, and you can’t be sure that your little darling won’t have a breakdown. By age five and up, most kids are ready to go it alone at a party, provided they know a few of the guests. The best way to decide is to simply ask your child if he wants you to stay for a while. Your child will let you know if he is ready for you to drop him off and leave.
Food for adults?
The general rule of thumb is that if you request that a parent stay, you should provide
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At Pixie Party Supplies, we love helping you create the perfect party or event with stylish products from New Zealand and around the world. From children’s themed party supplies to pretty, boutique items for all occasions – our pixies have it all, and are always on the lookout for new, exciting products! Come and visit our new retail store at 555 Manukau Road, Epsom, Auckland or visit us online at www.pixiepartysupplies. co.nz to browse and buy from our extensive range.
something for them to eat. You can either provide enough kids’ party food for everyone, including adults, or something more suitable for adults, e.g. a cheese platter. If you are just dropping off your child, and then picking them up, it’s not good etiquette to help yourself to the party food, unless it is offered.
What about drinks?
As per above – if you invite adults, then provide them with something to drink. Not every parent is okay with adults drinking alcohol at a child’s party though, even if it’s just one glass of wine. So if you are not sure if the parents attending your child’s party are okay with it, gauge their response casually when you RSVP, and if anybody is against, serve a delicious alternative like sparkling grape juice.
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Beautiful baby shower ranges, cute children’s themed party supplies & lots of pretty, boutique items for all occasions. Quick & convenient online shopping at
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• Hot party meal & drink for each child • Your own party room • Stay & play all day Adults entr y is • Chipmunks lollies ALWA YS • Party loot bags* free • Ice cream cake* • Party game & prize* ive All inclus om fr • Special premium gift packages for your birthday child* per child • No clean up charges
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Your choice of 5 popular party themes!
Remember to bring your socks! (No socks, no play)
Book your party now!
373 Princes Street, Dunedin Phone 03 477 6762 dunedin@chipmunks.co.nz
www.chipmunks.co.nz
Win G e ek G ir l: Pictu r e Per fect
MAKE YOUR OWN PIZZA KID’S BIRTHDAY PARTY • Small pizza • Drink • Birthday cake per child • Invitations • Mini Chef apron & hat for the birthday child • Certificate & voucher for each child Approx 1.5 hours & min. 10 kids
We’ve got birthdays covered – visit us at www.familytimes.co.nz for more ideas.
Party at Chipmunks for
*Party “loot bags”, party game & prize, premium gift for birthday child, are inclusions in bash & bonanza packages.
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If you are taking your child to a birthday party, check with the hosting parent about any potential alcoholic drinks for parents when you RSVP. This way, if you are uncomfortable with the alcohol situation, you can politely decline the invitation before you turn up and have to pull away a disappointed child from the party they were looking forward to.
“My name is Harriet Manners, and I’ll always be a geek.” It’s the hilarious third book in the GEEK GIRL series! Harriet Manners knows more facts than most. She knows that New York is the most populous city in the United States. But she knows nothing whatsoever about modelling in the Big Apple and how her family will cope with life stateside. And even more importantly, what to do when the big romantic gestures coming your way aren't from your boyfriend... We have 10 books to give away. Enter online at www.familytimes.co.nz or write your name and address on the back of an envelope or postcard and send to: Geek Girl, PO Box 36 004, Christchurch, to reach us by October 11, 2014. Check out our website for more fantastic competitions.
No set up, no clean up at Chipmunks With a hot meal and drink for all, allday play, no clean up charges and a playground chocka with awesome equipment, Chipmunks is party central. Chipmunks take the hassle out of self catering or hosting a party at home. Simply book your party and let us take care of everything, all in your very own party room. Chipmunks Dunedin offer free entry for adults and under 1s, and a cafe menu with tasty food and great coffee in a warm centre with comfortable seating.
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General election – what’s in it for your family? New Zealand’s general election is coming up 20 September 2014. Family Times asked political parties registered before 20 July to tell us about their best family-related policy, to help you make your decision. Here’s what they said: The Green Party
The Green Party’s key social platform is to tackle child poverty and inequality by ensuring every child has enough to thrive. We have a series of policies to address this and the first is a package to support families: extending access to the 20 hours ECE subsidy to twoyear-olds and improving the quality of ECE. Parents of two-year-olds could be up to $95 a week better off and it will give parents more choice - e.g. for couples working full-time, just to make ends meet, it may mean that one can go part-time to spend more time with the kids.
Democrats for Social
Democrats for Social Credit (DSC) will direct the Reserve Bank to create our money supply for the public good, rather than relying on the monopoly of profit-making private banks. From that public money will come a guaranteed basic income for Kiwis of all ages, and full funding for health and education. We will provide affordable loans and terms for
first home buyers and replace GST with a broader and much lower financial transactions tax (FTT). With DSC policies, NZ families can afford to raise healthy children who are welleducated, debt-free and ready to contribute. Vote DSC and make history!
The National Party
National is investing $500 million in a package of practical support for families and vulnerable children to: • Extend paid parental leave by four weeks. • Increase the parental tax credit by $70 a week to $220 a week, and extend it by two weeks to 10 weeks. • Invest $90 million to extend free doctors’ visits and prescriptions to all children under 13. • Invest an additional $155.7 million in early childhood education. • Roll out eight new children’s teams to identify and work with at-risk children and their families, to screen people who work with children, and to support children in care.
Focus New Zealand
Free Doctors Visits for all New Zealanders. Focus New Zealand believes that while free and easily accessible healthcare for children is very important, when care givers are ill, the entire family network is affected. This is true for children cared for by stay-athome parents, those in paid childcare and extended family (grandparents etc) childcare. Therefore, if elected, Focus New Zealand would advocate for free primary healthcare doctors visits for all New Zealanders so that everyone has the benefit of early detection and preventative medicine.
New Zealand First
New Zealand First considers the family the cornerstone of society. For that reason, we have
Trust NZ-made baby formula Not all infant formula products manufactured and marketed in New Zealand must adhere to the strict code of conduct enforced by the Infant Nutrition Council (INC). Companies that are not members of this regulating body are not required to provide the consumer with adequate information relating to ingredients of milk formula products, or comply with any ethical or professional practices and principles. For those mothers who are unable to breastfeed and seek breast milk alterna-
tives, they can now rest assured they are buying a product that must abide by stringent guidelines set out by the INC. NUZTRI Premium Formula is an associated member of the INC, placing NUZTRI at the top of the list as a healthy and safe alternative for babies of mothers who are unable to breastfeed. Available in over 81 supermarkets nationwide, NUZTRI can be found throughout New Zealand at Pak’n’Save and New World branches, as well as some Fresh Choice stores and selected Kosco stores.
a comprehensive set of policies covering areas such as health, welfare, tax, and housing, all of which are designed to make family life more affordable and less stressful. Rising food prices over many years have been a major contributor to family stress, child poverty and health issues in New Zealand. Our policy is to exempt household food and rates from GST. The benefit for families will be significant. New Zealand First introduced the zero fees for under sixes scheme in 1997, and our policy is to extend this scheme to all primary school children.
The Maori Party
We want whanau to be the best that they can be, supported by an equitable and sustainable health system with access to affordable, quality education and gainfully employed. Building on the success of Whanau Ora, restoring the essence of who we are, we will: • Strengthen whanau capacity to respond to, and address homelessness, overcrowding and substandard housing. • Support community action to prevent bullying of children and young people (Te Punanga Haumaru). • Extend initiatives from the Ministerial Committee on Poverty (rheumatic fever, budgeting services, paid parental leave, home insulation, micro-financing). • Implement aspects of the Children’s Commissioners Report and the Maori Affairs Select Committee report.
Internet-Mana
A priority for Internet Mana is creating a
future of hope for New Zealand families. Families are best supported when parents have jobs that are paid at least a living wage, they have a decent house, and when quality healthcare and education for their children is free. Internet Mana will set a goal of 0% unemployment through direct government investment and intervention to create jobs for all those able to work, including innovative business startups. Internet Mana will also invest in building 30,000 homes for low-income whanau in a first government term, and invest in food programmes in low-decile schools.
ACT
ACT policy is designed to encourage positive behaviour and to reduce negative behaviour. ACT would assist families by incentivising work over welfare with tax cuts to make sure that work pays, incentivise employment by extending the 90-day probation period, allow choice in education for parents and students with Partnership Schools, protect homes and families by extending our successful 3-strikes policy for repeat violent offenders to include burglary, slash expensive and wasteful regulation that destroys jobs and prosperity and eliminate race-based laws that don’t treat all New Zealanders equally.
Please note:
Family Times also asked the Labour Party, Alliance, Conservative Party and United Future about their family-related policy, but no response was received.
ERO seeks feedback on popular parent booklets ERO has published a series of five booklets for parents and caregivers. The booklets are part of an ongoing commitment to support parents wanting to know about their child’s progress at school. The booklets also cover useful information for boards of trustees, give parents an insight into effective teaching, and cover the importance of career pathways and parents’ involvement in their child’s journey from education to employment. The latest booklet, “Your child’s education: Learning opportunities in New Zealand,” is
an overview of education in New Zealand, from early childhood education through to secondary school. We want to make sure parents find the information in these booklets useful. That’s why ERO is seeking feedback about the first booklet in the series, “How is my child doing? Questions to ask at school.” Parent feedback will help us improve our publications and the way we communicate our information. Go to the “featured publications” section of our website – www.ero.govt.nz – to have your say.
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK OF OUR BOOKLETS
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We want to find out how useful the information has been, if it could be improved, and if parents would prefer to receive it in a different way.
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We’re starting with a survey of How is my child doing? Visit www.ero.govt.nz to take part in the online survey. The survey runs until the end of September. Meanwhile if you would like a copy of one of the booklets email info@ero.govt.nz or visit our website www.ero.govt.nz www.familytimes.co.nz
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How to beat cyber bullying We may say that sticks and stone may break our bones but names will never hurt us, but the vicious nature of cyber bullying tells a different story.
• Setting up a hate site or a hate group on a social network site. • Prank calling, prank texts and messages.
“Cyber bullies and trolls harass their victims even when they’re not in the same physical space.”
S
ure – bullying has always existed – but the anonymity of the internet enables kids who would not normally be up-front enough to harass, to say unimaginably cruel things again, and again and again. For parents, this is a relatively new challenge. It’s one thing to say, “Just shut off social media,” but it’s not as easy to avoid social media as you think – especially for kids and particularly preteens. Cyber bullying and trolling is on the rise. Cyber bullying is when someone uses digital means like the internet (say, email or social networking sites) or a mobile phone to deliberately harass, threaten or humiliate someone else. Cyber bullies and trolls harass their victims even when they’re not in the same physical space. While someone might escape normal bullying by walking away, cyber bullying allows the bully to hound their victim wherever they go. It is a sad reality that if left unchecked this form of mental abuse can result in tragedy.
Bullying tactics include, but are not limited to: • Sending nasty or threatening texts or emails. • Posting abusive messages online - on a social networking site, in a chat room, or using instant messaging. • Posting humiliating videos or pictures online, or sending them to other people. • Assuming someone else’s identity online in order to upset them.
La Leche League
The birth of Jessica’s first baby was eagerly anticipated. She read all the books and went to parenting classes. Despite this Jessica couldn’t believe how hard it was being a mum and how lonely she was. She was breastfeeding but didn’t know if she was doing it right. This all changed when Jessica went along to her local La Leche League meeting. Jessica met other mums just like her, who had sorted out their breastfeeding issues and had plenty of tips to share. La Leche League groups meet all around New Zealand. Find where at lalecheleague. org.nz or facebook.com/LLLNZ.
How to prevent cyber bullying • Make sure that your child only has access • • •
to a mobile phone and social networking only at an age that you consider them to be responsible. Make sure that if your child has a mobile phone, tablet or computer, that they are only used in the main living area of your home and that you have all of their passwords. Enable the highest security settings. Educate your child to not give out their mobile number to anyone who is not a close friend, and to never disclose details about themselves online – age, address, gender etc – nor “friend” anybody that they don’t consider a good friend in real life.
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ABC Club
CONTACT US: (03) 476 6579 or 467 5599 EMAIL: help@lalecheleague.org.nz facebook.com/LLLNZ lalecheleague.org.nz 14
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Sometimes you need some information or an answer to a curly question. Why not pick up the phone and call the relative support agency? You’ll find professional caring people ready to assist you. Dunedin Budget Advisory Service
A support and education programme for young women parenting alone, and their children 0~3 years
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emails, videos and images.
• Block the bully’s texts, messages and emails using the settings on your child’s phone, social networking profile and email account. • Adjust your child’s social networking privacy settings to high and keep them there. • Keep the evidence - learn how to keep records of offending messages, pictures or online conversations. • Protect your child’s online accounts and make sure that only you and your child know the passwords. For more on kids and technology, visit us at www.familytimes.co.nz.
Help is @ hand
Phone: 03-471 6158 Free confidential advice on personal budgets. How to manage your money, options and plans for debt repayment.
Counselling
Birth Support Group
Meet breastfeeding mothers ContaCt a trained breastfeeding counsellor Read a book from our library BRowse our website Join and receive aroha magazine Buy books and leaflets donate to help La Leche League help more mums like you.
Talk to your children and understand the ways in which they are using the internet and their mobile phone. Make sure they know how to use this technology safely and responsibly. • Firstly, it’s important that you have an open relationship with your child, so that they feel that they can come to you with their problem. • Make sure that your child does not retaliate or reply in anger - bullies are looking for a reaction and will soon get bored if they don’t get what they want. • Be aware that your child is as likely to be an unwitting accessory to cyber bullying as the actual target - by forwarding on
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If your child is being cyberbullied, what can you do?
For all parenting concerns
0800 568 856
www.parenthelp.org.nz
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Supplying daily living aids and incontinence products. Phone: 03-471 6152 or 0800-693 342 Email:dis.dn@xtra.co.nz | www.disabilityinfo.co.nz
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fit families
How to get 60 minutes of physical activity a day – the easy way In a special series of articles for Family Times, Jackie Cowan and Nick Draper – primary school and physical activity specialists from the University of Canterbury – highlight some activities, family games and resources that can help families add more fun physical activity into their lives.
W
e know that there are many benefits to regular physical activity. Throughout this series of articles, we have described how these benefits can be so much more than physical. This is especially so when enjoying physical activity experiences with family and friends in which positive social and emotional outcomes can be gained as children learn to enjoy moving in a safe and secure way, with people they trust and whose company they enjoy. The physical activity guidelines for children (5 to 18-years) outlined jointly by Sport NZ and the Ministry of Health and Ministry of Education recommend 60 minutes of accumulated physical activity per day. Children spend five days a week getting to and from school. Accumulated, this is a considerable amount of time to consider. How can you look to incorporate physical activity into this travel time? In our first article we touched on walking and scootering to and from school as an option if safe to do so. Research tells us that there are fewer children walking to and from school now and this is for a number of reasons. Our roads are busier and cars are faster, parents are often trying to coordinate their commute to and from work at the same time, children don’t always attend school in their local communities and
feelings of safety have diminished over time. Understandably it can be quite a challenge to consider alternative ways of transport to and from school. This is especially so when children are of an age where they will still require an adult to supervise the trip.If your children are transported to and from school daily and you are flexible with work and other commitments, consider freeing up one day a week to walk, bike or scooter with your children. Build it into your weekly routine. Think about safe options and if children are old enough, work on a safe “travel plan” together. This may involve considering mode of transport and the route you will take. If children are old enough to bike, make good sensible decisions about the age, experience and ability of your children and consider the route to ensure a safe trip together. Ensure your children have had plenty of biking practice and are confident on a bike before attempting to bike to school. Use cycleways whenever possible to avoid roads and have a small parent/child ratio when biking. Alternatively, consider working in with friends or school families in your local community to make this easier. Chances are that if you find the coordination of school transport a challenge, others will too and they may be
only too happy to make a travel plan with you. Talk to other parents about options and it may be that you can organise a day each where you collect 2-3 other children from your street or thereabouts and walk or scooter them safely to school. Taking turns can ease the demands on any one family but still ensures that children are guided to school by an adult. That could be fun! You could formalise this using the idea of the “Walking School Bus.” The walking school bus idea is supported by New Zealand Land Transport and many city councils. Similar to what we have said above, the walking school bus works on the notion that an adult will guide a group of local children to school. The children are picked up along the way from designated places (usually their homes) by the adult rostered on for that particular day. The walking school bus provides the physical activity intended. It encourages socialisation and connectivity within the community (children and parents/caregivers), can be educative in terms of learning about road safety and can help to reduce traffic congestion around schools. Good for many reasons. We have promoted the ideas that physical activity experiences can be enhanced when with family and friends and a lifelong interest in physical activity is likely to be increased if children develop positive physical activity habits from a young age. Look for and choose physical activity options that work for both you and your children so these experiences can be enjoyed by all. Check out our health section @ www.familytimes. co.nz for more on family physical activity
Discover the world where you live Exploring the outdoors is fun and easy, and with Conservation Week coming up (1-9 November), it’s a great time to get out and discover the world where you live with your family!
C
onservation Week gives you the opportunity to celebrate the natural environment and make a connection with your local special places. There are heaps of special places in New Zealand that you can visit all year round with your family, including
walking and biking tracks, local parks and reserves and camp grounds. This year, Conservation Week is all about getting out and about to explore your local treasures and special places. These might be tracks, forests, marine reserves, parks and camp grounds that can often be found right on your doorstep. The Department Of Conservation (DOC) is encouraging all New Zealanders to get involved and participate in wide range of local activities and events during Conservation Week. Visit the Conservation Week website (www.conservationweek.org.nz) for more information about events in your region and ideas of fun things to do with your family. School holidays are the perfect time to
Be Captivated by Nature at Oamaru’ s Blue Penguin Colony! www.penguins.co.nz Waterfront Road Oamaru • P: +64 3 433 1195 16
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take your children outdoors and let them discover what’s in their backyard. Take a photo or video of your family enjoying the great outdoors and share it using the hash tag #ConservationWeek to show the “world where you live” to the world. DOC is also running a competition for children, which has some great spot prizes: draw a picture of your local treasure or special place. Send the drawing to DOC: mail it to Conservation Week, PO Box 10420 Wellington 6143, email it to conservationweek@doc.govt.nz, or use #ConservationWeek to share it online. The competition is for children aged 5 to 12-years and entries close 11.59pm Sunday 9 November 2014.
For more information visit www. conservationweek.org.nz For more on the great outdoors, visit our travel section @ www.familytimes.co.nz.
See penguins up close in their burrows during the day … and arriving onshore at night.
Open Daily 10am until 1 hour after dusk (We are also open Christmas, ANZAC and Good Friday night for evening viewings)