4 minute read
Rants & RAVES
from SCENE April 2022
by Kate Noet
Drawn in by a Porch Goose
Like all good stories, it started innocently enough with a trip up north. I guess you could say it was love at first sight. She was expensive … around $70, but they couldn’t go home without her. I'm speaking of the concrete porch goose, who was soon to have a new home in Stanton, Minnesota and was destined to be named, “Priscilla (Prissy G).” It’s hard explaining some of the traditions to folks who didn’t grow up around here. You can’t really understand the Midwest until you’ve had Jell-O with shaved carrots in it and a dab of
Miracle Whip on top. If you bring a hot dish to the home of a recently deceased east coaster, they’re not gonna know. Don’t even dare to mention meat raffles to your friends from Arizona. And dressing up a decorative 50-pound porch goose is another one of those strange things that just seems to make sense if you’ve grown up in this part of the world. Well, I learned if you drive up to a stranger’s house and take pictures on their porch often enough, you have to knock on the door and introduce yourself before they have a chance to call the police. That’s how I met Hope. Every time I drove by her place, I was fascinated to see the seasonal outfit Priscilla was sporting.
Hope & Stan Sunderland have lived in Stanton for 53 years. And Priscilla has seen a lot from her perch on the corner of the porch. Julie Beck wrote an article for The Atlantic (2018) where she mentioned that people with these decorative geese are really seeking connection and community. She referenced the days where hobos marked houses with symbols signifying a friendly home owner who might feed them. In this day and age, what does the goose signify? That you have a great sense of humor or that you inherited this weird thing from your Grandmother and didn’t know what else to do with it?! Maybe they’re just the neighborhood ambassadors and offer a brief moment of levity in these stressful times. Someone even described them as “Barbies for adults.”
In case you were too busy in the 90’s and missed the news about the major crime spree that occurred, I’m sure there’s some microfiche available. Check out the Freemont, Ohio newspaper (News Messenger). They had an article that mentioned a “rash of anti-goose crime that plagued the country from Summer 1991 all the way through January 1992.” Apparently, the streets were filled with goose nappers who ran amuck and sometimes took the beloved fowl on road trips. Pictures and postcards would arrive from the goose’s travels and the birds usually returned at the end of a Spring Break adventure or fraternity hazing weekend. To think I was just living my life and had no idea this was atrocity was going on.
Knowing you can’t be a neighborhood ambassador without the proper wardrobe, I asked Hope if she had always loved sewing. She said, no. She learned to sew to create simple outfits for her goose as well as the ones she gave each of her daughters. I spent an afternoon viewing box after box of these custom outfits ranging from a Randolph, MN school outfit, to a Harley Davidson (faux) leather outfit, Easter dress, Valentine’s ensemble, Hunting Season outfit complete with fake rifle, Chef ensemble with an apron full of kitchen tools, a sparkly Winter Princess look, Shamrock clothes, Flamingo costume…the list goes on and on and on.
If you go online to “Goose Clothes Galore”, you’ll be happy to see you have a myriad of themed outfit choices. Personally, I’d go for the ones listed under “Fancy Outfits.” You know… Dracula, the Race Car Flagman or Sir Goosealot. Those are all gonna set you back about $26 each (+ shipping), but I think being able to outfit your ark with a Noah costume for your goose would be worth it. Keep in mind, the site has “suffered the loss of several key designers and the only outfits available right now are for a large goose.” And if you’re dreaming of a special outfit in honor of your alma mater, that’s gonna cost ya. Custom cheerleader and sports gear are in high demand. And remember, orders spike at holiday times, so make your goose plans well in advance.
If you want to keep up with Prissy G, I place photos of her on my Facebook & Instagram (@ saguaromary) pages. And if you want to purchase an outfit for her, just let me know. I can get a photo of Priscilla wearing it with your name proudly displayed as the sponsor of that ensemble. Simple pleasures, people…simple pleasures!
