Fizzing Fads: Quenching the thirst of non-alcoholic nostalgia

Ithought it fitting to stay in the theme of this issue and talk about drinks, but in honor of my 10 years of sobriety, I am focusing on non-alcoholic drinks that you just can’t find anymore.

I am not a huge fan of drinking my calories, but as a kid, there were novelty drinks that I couldn’t live without. Many bubbled up in the 90’s. Some of these still exist, some exist but are hard to find, some are totally obsolete. Let’s see how many you remember.

Crystal Pepsi

PepsiCo. Initially released a clear cola soft drink called Crystal Pepsi in 1992. The unique flavor combined the taste of lemon with regular Pepsi which was mind blowing considering it was entirely see-through.

It was intended to give consumers the feeling that they were drinking something “pure” and “refreshing.” It was in fact marketed as a less sweet, “healthier” alternative to regular sodas, but people quickly tired of it and started to find

Fruitopia

Fruitopia was yet another Coca-Cola flop, but that’s a bit shocking to me considering how wildly popular it was among my middle school peers back in the mid 90s.

Fruitopia was born out of a desire to compete with another popular fruit drink that is still in production today, Snapple. As sales plummeted there was a time where you could almost only find it at some McDonald’s soda fountains and while it was officially discontinued in 2003, popular flavors, like Raspberry Lemonade, for example, were made available through Minute Maid products.

Not quite the same, but we will settle if we must.

Hi-C Ecto Cooler

I am a huge fan of orange Hi-C and personally am soooo happy my local McDonalds recently brought it back, but the real MVP was Hi-C Ecto Cooler, based off the 1980’s Ghostbusters franchise.

It had a unique blend of tangerine and orange, but the liquid itself was fluorescent green, like the “ecto-plasm” featured in the film franchise.

The drink was very popular among kids, who are now in their 30s and 40s, so every time the Coca-Cola Company, who own Hi-C, roll it back out for a limited time, these grown-up kids flock to the stores, or in some cases, to social media where it is available through various contests, to sip on some sweet nostalgia.

Orbitz

Who thought chunks inside your beverage would be appealing? Do you remember the short-lived novelty drink out of Canada that dissolved after only one year on the market?

The non-carbonated drink was launched by the same company that brought us Clearly Canadian, which, if you can afford it, still exists today. Orbitz came in 5 extremely weak flavors and included floating edible balls that resembled lava lamp lava.

The fact it was non-carbonated always bummed me out, but I kept peddling my bike to the hardware store to get it because it reminded me of astronaut juice. RIP, Orbitz.

Surge

This soda and energy drink hybrid predated Red Bull and Monster and was put out by the Coca-Cola company and despite its popularity as a citrus drink with a kick, it was discontinued in 2003 after rumors circulating that Surge caused adverse health effects (ahem, it’s a highly caffeinated corn syrup-based soda) creating a decrease in sales.

This energizing drink was a favorite of Millennials, skaters and gamers who flocked to stores to pick it up when the tall boy cans made a brief resurgence in 2015.

it bland so it was pulled from shelves after only two years in production.

Crystal Pepsi, too, has had a couple limited time runs: in 2015 and again in 2022 for its 30th anniversary. It was worse than I remembered.

OK Soda

There was just something so hip about the marketing of OK Soda, but it still turned out to be another flop for the Coca-Cola Company

It courted the American Gen X demographic with unusual advertising like a neo-noir design, chain letters and negative publicity (they likened it to ‘carbonated tree sap’ for example.)

It was a fruity flavored soft drink, but no one remembers what it tasted like, only that the cans featured cool Shepard Fairey-esque streetart. Coca-Cola tried to market the soda for its “feeling” rather than the taste, but the public wasn’t “feeling” it and the line was discontinued in in 1995 after only 2 years… and that’s OK.

Jolt

Just like the name implies, Jolt soda gave you a ‘jolt’ of energy. Actually, in my experience, Jolt seemed to cause tremors, temporary blindness/and or hallucinations and extreme sweats followed by an urgent trip to the bathroom. Launched in 1985, Jolt Cola contained 190 mg of caffeine.

Pepsi’s Mountain Dew is hailed as the King of Caffeinated soft drinks and that touts 54 mg, to put it into perspective. The slogan read: “All the sugar, Twice the caffeine.” While it is discontinued in the U.S. after a brief stint in 2017 where you could only buy them at Dollar General, there are still some producers worldwide who are licensed to make it.

European standards are much stricter than America so I would imagine the bottles are labeled with extensive warnings (I hope. Drink at your own risk.) But if you find yourself jetlagged in the U.K., Australia, Sweden or the Netherlands, reach for some Jolt, it may just be the kick you need.

TaB

TaB (pronounced “tab”) was a diet cola soft drink dating back to 1963 and only recently, in 2020, discontinued. The drink saw the height of its popularity in the 60s and 70s and will surely stir nostalgic thoughts for some readers.

Studies in the early 70s linked the main artificial sweetener in TaB, saccharin, with bladder cancer in rats, and the U.S. Congress mandated that the soft drink include warning labels. If you are a die-hard TaB fan and want your cancer-causing soda back, there is a group called the Save Tab Soda Committee that formed the year following its dissolution. I am giving you no further details on the matter.

Reminiscing about these bygone nonalcoholic beverages and the fleeting nature of trends and novelties really has me craving a drink with floating edible balls, so I think I will find a sippy cup one of my nieces or nephews has backwashed into and let the nostalgia take me away… Kidding.

Hope you enjoyed this energizing trip down memory lane with these relics of past drink marketing. Cheers to the bevvies that once quenched our thirst and continue to stir memories of a simpler yet angstier time. 