Guide Unit 8 by Fathers In Motion

UNIT EIGHT - SETTING OURSELVES UP FOR SUCCESS

Setting Ourselves Up For Success

~Arnold Glasow FA T

H E R S I N M O T IO N

To envision a future is to conspire the universe to move towards that which you are thinking about. The purpose of this module is to guide you in a process where you help him to vision a bright future, identifying the blocks and ‘never ending’ story that may hold him back and then setup goals and steps he needs for moving him forward with momentum.

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UNIT EIGHT - SETTING OURSELVES UP FOR SUCCESS

" Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire. “

Something lives deeper than merely writing down a list of goals to achieve – and that is the desire to actually wanting to achieve this at a deeply emotional level. To set you and your son up for success, and to go through these three steps, set aside about an hour for you both to do this together. Step 1: Blocks Identify your ‘never ending’ story, the one we sell ourselves on what is holding us back. Step 2: Future Self Clearly see and engage your Future Self. Step 3: Goals Set our goals and commit to being goal buddies with a process of checking in.

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UNIT EIGHT - SETTING OURSELVES UP FOR SUCCESS

OUTLINE

~Benjamin Disraeli

Before we consider setting future goals, we need to really connect with that person we wish to become. In this quiet space of contemplation, you will identify the few keys that will help him unlock his Future You. Enjoy. Sit with your son in a quiet room without the opportunity for distraction. Explain that it will take about an hour or so and as a follow up after your retreat rite of passage, you would like to work through a short process that identifies his future goals. Let him know this is from the heart. Each of you should have a pen and paper handy and do the work for yourselves. “First we are going to quiet our minds and see our future selves and mentally prepare for what we want to become and what is holding us back. Then we will determine a short list of goals and after that commit to check-in with each other for regularly to keep each other on track.” Step 1: Blocks Write down on the pad for a few minutes (we are not going to share with each other) under a heading “What I am unhappy about now” – just right down those things that are making you unhappy. Your lack of action, procrastination, not keeping your word about healthy eating or exercise, not enough money – whatever your quams are! You cannot change if you are not unhappy with it. As you write these down, feel a sense in your gut of how these unhappy things drain quality out of your life. Now create a heading called “My never-ending story”. Think about and consider what the story is you sell yourself and why you do not follow through on major issues. What holds you back? What are the excuses or “reasons” that you use. If I had to ask your close family members or best friends, what is your “never ending story?”, what would they say? The key is to look for “buts” or “too’s”in your mental language. “I would have been on the team, BUT the coach just does not like me…….” “I was so happy, UNTIL we lost so much money, I just lost all my drive……” “I would like to start my own business, it’s just TOO much getting up at 5 am ….” “At school I don’t hang out with her, BUT when I lose my weight….”

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UNIT EIGHT - SETTING OURSELVES UP FOR SUCCESS

“Adventures are to the adventurous.”

Step 2: Future You Explain the steps below to your son before you begin. Now you can both close your eyes: - Breathe deeply for about 30 very deep and slow breathes, just relax your lungs and let your body follow, focus on your deep breathing through the abdomen - Then, consider the possibility of how magical it would be to meet the Future You in three or five years later in time. Consider the possibility for a few moments of how exciting that would be, how magical…. - Give yourself a setting you love and in nature (beach, lake, meadow) and see yourself walking up to the Future You. - Really see this person, I mean really get a close look at who they are in your mind’s eye. How is the Future You dressed, do they look healthy, are they full of life, what energy is being transmitted by being in this person’s presence, what is he like? Don’t talk to him or hear his words, just feel his energy, happiness or lack thereof - You have amazing power in this setting. You don’t need to talk and can simple hear his thoughts and answers when you raise a thought or question - Smile and in your mind’s eye, start to morph or change the picture of this person standing in front of you. Change him slowly and visually, to the sort of person you wished he was, the best Future You that you want or can be, no limits or defined but what you are now; change him exactly to what you want him to be, who he is, what he has and how he behaves

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UNIT EIGHT - SETTING OURSELVES UP FOR SUCCESS

The key is to take a harsher look at yourself and be your own mirror. What are your softeners and reasons you put up with not moving on. What things do you find taking over your world without enjoyment? Which of yesterday’s events do you put up as your ‘reasoned excuses’? Think on this for awhile and make a few notes. Then take a pen and write down in bold capitals “NO MORE EXCUSES!”

- Don’t speak to him, just hear his thoughts. How do others see him, what major things did he do to get here, what advice would he give you? - Using mental telepathy or messages in your mind’s eye, just converse with him, feeling what it feels like to be with him. Listen to your feelings and thoughts he is portraying himself to you. - After a few minutes, smile, thank him and watch him walk away. Stay for a little while with that feeling his presence brought out. You are ready to come back into the room and with a few deep breathes, slowly open your eyes

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UNIT EIGHT - SETTING OURSELVES UP FOR SUCCESS

- Again, really see the changed and improved Future You. He has achieved so much and feels so alive and full of energy, with a renewed spirit. What does he look like, how does he hold himself? Just see him and enjoy being in his presence.

You go first to be the role model and then he can go second. Stand in the middle of the room. Describe who you are now briefly (about 1 to 3 minutes) – the Current You. Take a big step to the side. Describe the Future You but as if you were already him (about 1 to 3 minutes). Feel the strength. Step back to where the Current You was standing and feel the reduced energy. See how different the two ‘people’ and positions feel. Now step to where the Future You was standing. You can choose who you want to be and where you want to stand - the Current You or the Future You. Just choose where you want to stand and make a decision.

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UNIT EIGHT - SETTING OURSELVES UP FOR SUCCESS

Future You - An Optional Sharing Technique

~Emile Zola

Step 3: Goals There is no magic system for setting goals, the power is just in doing it and following through. A few comments on goals: - Generally we are told that goals should be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time framed) - This logic for attainable goals in the short term are correct, for the medium term however I would suggest THINKING BIG to gain what you want. Then the challenge becomes how to attain them and often this will take more than a little faith. Do not be afraid of how you are going to get there. It’s okay if things are not perfectly clear, just trust your journey and yourself The concept of life BALANCE is important. Goals should be set across the spectrum or various areas of your son’s life. Create a list that works for you, we suggest: • • • • • • •

Me (personal) Health and sport Family and home Friends, social and community Learning Financial Ethical and spiritual

Goals only have power if: - One has energy, passion, enthusiasm and a great attitude; if you or your son are not in a ‘strong, good mental space’ then do not do this process until both of you are - They are based upon Decisions. Decisions create power. Men propose, wars begin, historic events turn when committed men make a DECISION. The power of a decision happens in an instant; power is pulled towards you in your moment of decision, ‘I would like to’ is nowhere near as powerful as ‘I will….’ – life changing decisions happen in an instant; when you decide and commit.

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UNIT EIGHT - SETTING OURSELVES UP FOR SUCCESS

“”If you asked me what I came into this world to do I will tell you I came to live my life out loud.”

Fewer bigger, clear powerful goals create energy, long lists bore! Both of you draw on your pad headings: Balance Area Goal By when Actions I need to take No big fancy worksheets or being neat, just engaging with your goals - your highly personal goals - and reflect back to your discussion with your Future You. ENJOY and give yourself and him over to the process for 10 to 30 minutes.

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UNIT EIGHT - SETTING OURSELVES UP FOR SUCCESS

His Mom will work with the important but less significant daily goals like keeping his room clean. Your role is challenging him to create the goals to become the man he wishes to be.

GOAL BUDDIES

“If you want to be happy.... then be happy.”

This is a simple but powerful technique.

~John Kehoe

Keeping on track with Goals and an awareness that you are moving in a direction is greatly assisted by being accountable to both yourself and someone you love. Agree to be Goal Buddies and agree to chat at a specific time once a week for only a few minutes about where you are in keeping on track, with follow through, on the actions that lead to your goal. This is NOT small talk whenever you pass each other at home, but a specific set aside scheduled time for a 5 to 10 minute update and discussion once a week that you meet and discuss as a mini-ritual. Some things to keep in mind: - You do not need to solve issues or criticize in any way. People know when they are off track – do not criticize or tell each other what should be done - Just the awareness of being accountable is more than enough - You briefly tell him what you are doing each week and where you are on or off track - Let him do the same - That’s it. Remember this is about sharing and being there for each other. The process naturally assists in self accountability!

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UNIT EIGHT - SETTING OURSELVES UP FOR SUCCESS

Secret of happiness

H E R S I N M O T IO N

Life takes on meaning when you become motivated, set goals and charge after them in an unstoppable manner. ~Les Brown

Most of us serve our ideals by fits and starts. The person who makes a success of living is one who sees his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly. That's dedication. ~Cecile DeMille

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UNIT EIGHT - SETTING OURSELVES UP FOR SUCCESS

FA T