Without You by Caroline King

Without

by Caroline King

I am sorry. I am so sorry that I could not meet your expectations. I am sorry that I was not what you expected me to be. We will never make it to the end; however, we have gone too far forward to return to the beginning. When we agreed that it just wasn’t working, I thought that it was going to be okay. That this separation would help me feel better. It did not and I was sad for a while. I am sorry that you saw, in me, what I could never be. You say you are too clingy, but maybe I am too distant. You say that I am too busy to have you, but maybe you are too pessimistic, unwilling to find time to spend with me. I am sorry that my words might hurt you. And I am sorry that you seem to be fine, while I am completely shattered. Telling you this now is funny to me because you were the one that would always apologize for everything. I hated it. I am sorry that I hated it so much. I am sorry that when you expressed your feelings I backed down. A fight is what you needed and when you said “this is it, we aren’t working,” I should have said “hell no!” instead of “okay I understand.” But now I am done apologizing because you did wrong too. Right now, you may be too arrogant to see your wrongs, but I see them clearly. I no longer want to talk to you because you hurt me and, while I understand what you did, I need time to lick my wounds. So please, be angry with me if it makes you feel better. Post pictures with your so-called friends that I have never seen before. Talk bad about the way I ceased communication with you. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel whole again. Because, for me, all I needed to do was get rid of you to make myself whole.

Brave New World by Ashley Minnick