THE SOLUTION TO A SIMPLE, MEANINGFUL, WELL-DESIGNED LIFE /
THE F Ê T E / LIF E PROJECT
11
NO. DO YOU FEED YOUR FEELINGS? Welcome to the Fête/Life Project – a collection of helpful, useful and practical articles that can be applied to life at any time, but especially now. Sourced from the many magazines we have released, our message has never been more relevant or needed by our community today… let’s embrace the simple life and treasure what is truly important – human connection, community, self care and pure acts of kindness. SUPPORT WHEN YOU NEED IT MOST /
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health / W E L L - B E I N G
PHOTOGRAPH / SERAINA SIL JA HÜRLIMANN STORY / DR LIBBY WEAVER
DO YOU FEED YOUR FEELINGS? Every day I meet people who eat too much. They know they do but they can’t seem to stop. Sometimes it is nutritious food, more often it’s not. Whatever the case, they know they would be much better off if they ate less. These people are precious, intelligent humans who don’t understand why they do what they do. These people know that they need to cut down their portions and the amount of processed foods in their week yet they don’t do it – even though they truly have a desire to lose weight. There is a big difference between eating
Nothing in this world has meaning until
two squares of chocolate and the whole
we give it meaning. Everyone creates
that humans will do more to avoid feeling
block, between a sweet biscuit with a cup
explanations about what things mean
pain than they ever will to seek pleasure.
of tea in the evening and half the packet.
based on their own experiences in life so
And so in a moment such as this we may
More often than not, it is not a lack of
far. They are created from the interactions
decide that we want some food that
education the leads us to polish off a
we had as children with the adults around
doesn’t really benefit us or a glass of wine.
packet of chocolate biscuits in one sitting,
us. As adults, we continue to replay these
As soon as we’ve had that thought we
it’s biochemical or emotional – or both.
same meanings, only we are usually not
immediately feel a tiny bit better because
If it were as simple as applying what you
aware we are doing it. If we are running
now we have something to look forward
self-talk. What psychology teaches us is
know, you would have got a handle on
a story of ‘not enoughness’ we will
to and we have shifted our focus from
eating too much years ago. We all know
constantly create this meaning in our
our perception of ‘not enoughness’ to something that brings us pleasure.
that eating too much makes us feel full
interactions with the people around us
and uncomfortable, but worse, it often
on a regular basis. We might catch the eye
Through food and/or wine, you have
also drives us to say very unkind things
of another mother at school who usually
simply escaped from the ‘pain’, from the
to ourselves (such as “I’m so useless, I have smiles at us as she walks by and one
deep, human, primal fear that you are not
no willpower”) and we go to bed feeling
morning she stares straight through us.
good enough and therefore that you won’t
guilty and sad, thinking we will never
In that moment we jump straight to the
be loved.
be strong enough to change. That belief
conclusion that we’ve done something
that things will never change can be
to offend her or that we’ve embarrassed
very destructive.
ourselves somehow or that maybe we
When you have eaten and yet you still feel hungry, no food will fill the void for the type of hunger you feel. It is ‘soul food’ you are looking for at this time, not ‘food food’. So the question is, why don’t you eat in a way that makes you feel your best? In my experience, there are a range of reasons, but they virtually all lead back to the same statement you are subconsciously telling yourself… “I don’t really care about you.”
aren’t dressed well enough for her to engage with us. But this is only the beginning of the story because we run with that initial reaction and play this scenario over and over in our heads trying to nut out what we’ve done wrong and why this woman – who may have simply had an argument with her spouse that morning and is caught up in her own head and truly didn’t see you – doesn’t like us.
And why don’t you care about yourself?
What you’ve actually touched on in this
Why will you do more for others than you
moment is your ‘not enoughness’ – an
ever will for yourself? One reason may be
inkling, or gaping wound, that you are not
that you live in the cloud of false belief
good enough, not okay the way you are.
that you are not enough the way you are.
And because you now feel sad or irritated,
Eating in a way that doesn’t serve you is
you probably start focusing on how big
primarily a way to distance yourself from
your thighs look in your jeans today (not
how things are when they’re not how
thin enough) or how long it’s been since
you want them to be.
you’ve called your mother (not a good
In a scenario such as this, the way back home to yourself – and away from the fridge or whatever escape mechanism you use – lies in acknowledging the pain and truly experiencing that it will not kill you. If you feel sad, you feel sad. If you overeat regularly to blanket that sadness, you just give yourself an additional reason to be sad. It adds to it. Why not then simply acknowledge that you feel sad rather than escaping from your pain through food? Aside from exploring your beliefs, one of the best ways to begin to explore an emotional approach to eating is to go digging for what food means to you.
enough daughter) or other negative
ISSUE NO. 20 / FETEPRESS.COM.AU
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health / W E L L - B E I N G
One of the first exercises I do at my
LET YOUR EMOTIONS FLOW
weekend events to help people get to the
All emotions and feelings come and go.
heart of why they overeat (or overconsume alcohol) is to ask them to complete the following sentence with the first word that flies into their head, without censorship.
Knowing that all feelings – both the subside is important because learning
‘SOMETHING’ EVEN THOUGH
to deal with these more painful feelings
Usually the first response is something like
ability to recognise this. Just feel the
to the heart of whether there may also be some kind of emotional association to food. If, for example, you view food as ‘comfort’ rather than as ‘nourishment’ or ‘energy’ you might be using food as a source of pleasure and until you begin experiencing more of this in your life in other ways, such as connecting with the beauty of nature or watching your children play, the food changes will be temporary. Even just being aware of what food means to you is a great first step. Here are some additional strategies to help you address any emotional eating habits that may be affecting your well-being. BE MINDFUL
Think about why you’re eating. Are you actually hungry? Or, are you eating because you’re feeling sad, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, happy, or all of the above? Many of us eat to numb ourselves from feelings we’d prefer not to feel. Ask yourself what you really want? What emotion are you seeking to dull if you’re not eating out of hunger? If you’re unable to determine this, the type of food you desire is normally a good indication – put it this way, you don’t normally crave a big bowl of broccoli for dinner if you’re eating emotionally. Typically, it’s chocolate, lollies, biscuits or potato chips – things that we perceive to provide some comfort. CHANGE HOW YOU ‘REWARD’ YOURSELF
It is really important to disconnect food
IF YOU FIND YOUR HEAD IN THE FRIDGE LOOKING FOR
without eating involves developing the
yourself this question though, you can get
“WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?”
enjoyable ones and the painful ones –
I say, “Food is…” and they respond. “yummy” or “delicious”. If you keep asking
TOP TIPS
Y O U ’ R E N O T R E A L LY H U N G R Y, A S K Y O U R S E L F W H AT Y O U R E A L LY WANT. IF YOU’RE REACHING FOR A CHOCOL ATE BISCUIT, WHAT ARE
emotion in its entirety without doing
Y O U R E A L LY WA N T I N G T O G E T
anything to prevent it, let these feelings
FROM IT? HOW WILL HAVING THAT
literally wash over you. By eating while you’re experiencing emotions that you find challenging, you are giving food a new significance, beyond
MAKE YOU FEEL? THINK ABOUT HOW ELSE YOU COULD FEEL THAT E M OT I O N I N A WAY T H AT WO N’T HARM YOUR HEALTH.
EXPLORE YOUR EMOTIONS
just meeting your nutritional needs. Food
ARE YOU AT TEMPTING TO USE
becomes a coping strategy, making your
F O O D A S A WAY TO AVO I D
desire for it intensify. You begin to believe that you need this food to get through these emotions you are experiencing.
EMOTIONAL PAIN? THINK ABOUT WHICH EMOTIONS ARE VERY TOUGH FOR YOU TO FEEL AND BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF ABOUT
Research indicates that eating high-sugar
WHETHER YOU MIGHT BE EATING
and high (poor quality) fat foods can affect
YOUR EMOTIONS. EXPLORE WHAT
activity in the parts of your brain that
HAS TO HAPPEN FOR YOU TO
manage stress, further reinforcing a reliance on this as a coping strategy.
FEEL THIS EMOTION.
CHANGE THE REWARD SYSTEM IF FOOD IS A REWARD, THINK
TREAT YOURSELF WITH KINDNESS
We wouldn’t dream of speaking to a stranger, friend, colleague or family member, as harshly as we speak to ourselves sometimes. Have you ever berated yourself over something really
ABOUT OTHER MORE FULFILLING THINGS YOU CAN USE INSTEAD. TREAT YOURSELF TO A BATH OR TAKE SOME ‘YOU TIME’ TO DO W H AT E V E R L I G H T S Y O U U P.
BECOME AWARE OF SELF-TALK FOR MANY OF US, WE WOULDN’T
silly? Said unkind things to yourself inside
TALK TO OUR WORST ENEMY
your head that made you feel worthless –
T H E WAY TA L K T O O U R S E LV E S
such as “you’re a failure”, “you’re weak” and
IN OUR OWN HEAD. START TO
so on? If a child came to you feeling upset would you say those things to them? Make it your mission to catch these thoughts as they arise. Thoughts only have power when we give them our attention. Choose not to engage with them, and instead treat yourself as you would an adored child.
EXPLORE THE LANGUAGE YOU USE WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE OR FORGET TO DO SOMETHING R E A L LY I M P O R TA N T O R M A K E A LESS NOURISHING FOOD CHOICE – THESE ARE THE KINDS OF SITUATIONS WHEN WE’RE L I K E LY T O T R E AT O U R S E LV E S M O S T U N K I N D LY. M A K E I T Y O U R MISSION TO CATCH THESE THOUGHTS AS THEY ARISE AND REMIND YOURSELF THAT THEY’RE O N LY T R U E I F Y O U B E L I E V E T H E M .
CURIOSIT Y, NOT JUDGEMENT
from your reward system, and start
WHEN WE ARE EXPLORING OUR
rewarding yourself with other fulfilling
EMOTIONS AND BELIEFS WE
activities. When you’re not hungry but find yourself peering into the fridge looking for something, try to find comfort in non-food related ways, for example: go for a walk,
NEED TO LET GO OF JUDGEMENT AND INSTEAD BRING CURIOSIT Y. J U D G E M E N T W I L L O N LY L E A D U S T O S H U T O U R S E LV E S D O W N E V E N FURTHER WHEREAS, WHEN WE
read a book, observe nature, watch your
BRING CURIOSITY TO CHOICES
children sleep, treat yourself to a relaxing
WE’VE MADE, WE REMAIN OPEN
bath or massage.
TO LEARNING WHATEVER ARISES.
Dr LIbby Weaver is a Nutritional Biochemist, best-selling author and speaker. Her book, W O M E N ’ S W E L L N E S S W I S D O M , is available at: DRLIBBY.COM
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FETEPRESS.COM.AU / ISSUE NO.20
PHOTOGRAPH BY JANE CAMERON