THE SOLUTION TO A SIMPLE, MEANINGFUL, WELL-DESIGNED LIFE /
THE F Ê T E / LIF E PROJECT NO.
31
OVERWHELMED? Welcome to the Fête/Life Project – a collection of helpful, useful and practical articles that can be applied to life at any time, but especially now. Sourced from the many magazines we have released, our message has never been more relevant or needed by our community today… let’s embrace the simple life and treasure what is truly important – human connection, community, self care and pure acts of kindness. SUPPORT WHEN YOU NEED IT MOST /
If you think these stories can uplift or help someone else, please share our project and spread the love.
FETELIFE.COM.AU / INSTAGRAM.COM/FETE_LIFE / #THEFETELIFEPROJECT
PHOTOGRAPH / SERAINA SIL JA HÜRLIMANN STORY / LAURA CARROCCI
OVERWHELMED? HOW TO FEEL BETTER IN A LIFE GUARANTEED OF ENDLESS TO-DO-LISTS You start the day with the best of intentions. To be calm, present and engaged. To appreciate your relationships and to approach all interactions with grace and understanding. To be focused, energised and efficient. You plan to eat nourishing food, move your body as it is designed to move, create outstanding work, to connect with those most dear to you, to get to bed on time and sleep well. Then you get out of bed… You rush to get the kids to school, you hurry along the barista who is making your morning coffee, you scowl at the lady driving slowly in front of you, you get frustrated with the colleague who keeps asking your advice, you race to do the school pick up/get to the gym/to the board meeting resenting the fact that you have so much to do in a day, the traffic, the time it takes to get home. By 7pm you are pouring a glass of wine, eating something not all that nourishing only to fall into bed at 10pm, wake up around 2am, toss turn, finally get up at 6am, rinse and repeat. Rushed, stressed, overwhelmed. Outwardly you are successful and smart, but inwardly you are suffering and feeling guilty about not coping. I get it, I really do. Overwhelm is one of the most common issues facing my clients and it is something all of us struggle with at times. Feeling like there is no time to actually enjoy life. Living for holidays. Surviving on very little sleep. Over-drinking, eating, shopping, procrastinating and trying anything that might make you feel better. It feels like life hijacks our best intentions at times. Like we have little control over our time and emotions. We feel overwhelmed because of our to-do-list, because of the traffic, because of the difficult client, because of the kids… right? Well not quite. We feel overwhelmed because of how we choose to think about our circumstances, because of our thoughts about our life. YOU HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OVER HOW YOU FEEL
When it comes to better managing your emotions you must recognise that emotions do not just happen to you. You feel all emotion because of your thinking, and unlike a toddler, the traffic, global warming and pretty much all other people in your life, you can control your mind.
76
FETEPRESS.COM.AU / ISSUE NO.23
Our thinking, how we choose to view our circumstances, is something we decide. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Victor Frankl HOW ARE THOSE RULES GOING?
Life is going to happen – kids get sick, deadlines approach, traffic gets busy, it rains, we move house, get divorced, miss the flight. One thing we are all guaranteed of in life is uncertainty and change. We can choose to think about our lives in a way that generates overwhelm, or we can choose to reframe our thinking and generate more useful emotions so that we make smart decisions about how to proceed.
One sure way to feel overwhelmed is to expect the rest of the world to behave according to your rules and standards. When we let go of the need to try and We all do this. We go around with a set control everyone and everything else, of rules for how our friends, boss, kids, what we are left with is three options in partner, the government, the weather any given situation… should behave. The problem is that other - Stay people and things generally do not comply - Leave with our rules. This approach sets us up - Change for overwhelm and exhaustion. It is like This sounds over-simplified but in reality fighting gravity, you are never going it is all we have. We spend countless hours to win! ruminating, gossiping, fretting, worrying, Let go of the rule books. Other adults overwhelming about situations and it does get to say, do, think and feel anyway not change the fact that we have three they choose. options from which to choose. What we get to do, is decide how we Now we can stay, leave or change a think, feel and act. situation from a place of overwhelm and Who do you have a set of rules for? resentment or we can stay, leave or change a situation from a place of confidence, What are the rules you have for them? clarity and respect. The latter feels so How do you allow this set of rules much better! determine how you feel? What would your life look like if you let go Trying to control everything and everyone of the need to control or change others? else is exhausting, and more often than What would your life look like if you let go not, futile. of the rules you have for other people and When we let go of the need to control things? the rest of the world we can focus on Where are you fighting gravity? what we do have control over, ourselves, our thinking and our actions. TAKE RESPONSIBILIT Y
What causes you to feel any emotion is your thinking. What you think about what is happening to you, is more important than what is actually happening to you.
What if you made a decision right now, from a place of confidence, clarity and respect, to stay, leave or change the situation?
health / W E L L - B E I N G
YOU GET TO DECIDE
What if every day you intentionally decided what emotions you were going to use to drive your day? What emotions would you choose?
How much time did you give to your own wellbeing and overall health? Is how you are spending your time and energy sustainable long term? WHAT ABOUT WHEN I AM HOOKED
Why?
BY THAT FEELING OF OVERWHELM?
When we direct our mind toward thoughts and emotions that serve us, we increase our confidence in our ability to manage how we feel, our mood is more stable and we increase our emotional resilience. We see that we can manage our emotions.
And then there are those times when you are in the fire, you have been hooked and feel overwhelm taking hold. What then?
When we stop raging at the rest of the world we have the energy and attention to better manage our internal world. That’s when we get a handle on overwhelm. What would your life look like if you picked emotions like confidence, clarity, presence, focus, decisiveness, compassion and understanding to drive your day? What other emotions could you harness each day that would improve your overall experience of life? HOW DO YOU MANAGE YOUR TIME, ENERGY AND ATTENTION?
When it comes to managing your emotions, how you manage your time and energy are interconnected. When you are chronically tired and distracted you are emotionally vulnerable and often don’t have the mental energy to manage your emotions. You are more easily rocked by change and challenge. Self-care is an important piece of the puzzle when it comes to dealing with any difficult emotion. Taking a good look at how you manage your time and what you choose to give your energy and attention to is important. Make a note of how you chose to spend the last 24 hours. Make it detailed, how much time did you spend working, cleaning, preparing meals, commuting, on social media, gossiping, procrastinating, exercising…
Some of the best ways to bring yourself back to balance are very simple yet powerful practices: D E E P B R E A T H I N G . S T O P, B R E A T H E D E E P LY, WAIT UNTIL YOUR HEART RATE HAS SLOWED, T H E N C A L M LY C O N S I D E R T H E S I T U AT I O N AND ENGAGE. TA KE A M O M E N T TO CO N S I D E R WH AT YO U ARE GRATEFUL FOR. THIS IS ONE OF THE B E S T WAY S TO R E D I R E C T YO U R M I N D. E X E R C I S E A N D M O V E M E N T I N C R E A S E S BLOOD FLOW TO THE BRAIN WHICH HELPS TO HEAL THE DAMAGE CAUSED BY STRESS AND OVERWHELM. CONNECT WITH OTHERS. PHYSICAL TOUCH HELPS TO CALM US. A S K Y O U R S E L F , ‘ W H A T I S T H E O P P O R T U N I T Y HERE, IN THIS MOMENT?’. F R E S H A I R. C H A N G E T H E S C E N E R Y. C H A N G E T H E V I E W I N S I D E A N D O U T. S L E E P O N I T .
I believe the key to wellbeing is in how you manage your mind, your emotions and your time. In how you design your life. What determines your feelings is how you choose to think. I encourage you to approach yourself with courage, curiosity and compassion and to take a good long look at how you are choosing to think. You will begin to gain a deep understanding of what is going on in your mind and you will start to make decisions and act in ways that align with who you are at your core, with your values, with how you want to feel and with where you want to go in this life.
Looking at this list, does how you spent your time reflect your highest priorities? How much time did you give to planning your day, did you plan at all?
L AURACARROCCI.COM L AURA CARROCCI, LIFE COACH A N D S T R AT EG I S T.
78
FETEPRESS.COM.AU / ISSUE NO.23