THE SOLUTION TO A SIMPLE, MEANINGFUL, WELL-DESIGNED LIFE /
THE F Ê T E / LIF E PROJECT NO.
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H OW T O C H A N G E YO U R L I F E T O D AY Welcome to the Fête/Life Project – a collection of helpful, useful and practical articles that can be applied to life at any time, but especially now. Sourced from the many magazines we have released, our message has never been more relevant or needed by our community today… let’s embrace the simple life and treasure what is truly important – human connection, community, self care and pure acts of kindness. SUPPORT WHEN YOU NEED IT MOST /
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PHOTOGRAPH BY SERAINA SIL JA HÜRLIMANN FOR TYPE HYPE
health / W E L L - B E I N G
PHOTOGRAPH / SERAINA SIL JA HÜRLIMANN STORY / LAURA CARROCCI
THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON – H O W T O C H A N G E YO U R L I F E T O D AY Stop resisting and raging at reality. Take back your power and manage the only thing you have control over… yourself. This lesson is the basis of my coaching practice and my life. This is how you learn to coach yourself. I think this is the key to the universe. I want you to have this and to give this to everyone you know. This changed my life forever. It can change yours too. I believe this lesson is the single most important thing you can ever learn and practice – and it takes practice – conscious, deliberate, intentional, lifelong practice. It is not my concept or idea, it is just a universal truth that no one teaches us in school, or at least no one ever taught it to me and this is my interpretation. I believe we are all capable of change. I believe that our dreams are important. I believe in your ability to design the life you truly desire. I know that if you learn this lesson and master it you are capable of creating the change you desire. YOU AND I HAVE MORE IN COMMON T H A N YO U M AY R E A L I S E
Before I learnt this lesson I was someone who, like many, felt a lot of negative emotion. I describe myself as a rager. I raged at reality. I raged at my body. I raged at the traffic. I raged at the store person for taking so long. I raged at my family. I raged at my life. With a big smile on top – because for the most part this rage was internal. Before I learnt this lesson I had gone through life believing that I was at the effect of the outside world. My mind was a crazy lady, totally nuts. She ran around completely unsupervised. Something triggered her and off she went. Do you relate? You may not be a rager. If you are not, chances are you are a resister. You ruminate and dwell. I raged and went in for the fight. Either way – we both resist reality.
HOW DO YOU THINK?
How we think, what we believe, is largely determined by our past. By our childhoods, past experiences, by those who have most influenced us. Most of us have thought patterns that run on auto pilot. When those thought patterns generate negative emotion that we do not want to be feeling, they are a sign that we are not managing our mind. If you want to design your life, if you want to take your life to the next level, you MUST learn how to manage your mind. This is the single most important lesson I can ever teach. We spend so much money on our physical health, on our physical environment, on our clothes, phones, coffee, wine… and nothing on our mental health. We think that if we are functioning in the world, that our mental health is not something to be worked on. That concern for mental health is for people who are not coping, non-functioning, mentally unwell. This is a big mistake! In order to take your life to the next level, in order to evolve in to that next version of yourself, you have to update your mind We must update our beliefs and our thinking, if we want to change our life. This is not easy. How you think has been hard-wired into your brain and life. You have created habitual patterns of thinking that, if you are not conscious, you automatically fall into. If you want to have the power to change your life, you have to get very, very conscious. THIS IS A 3 STEP PROCESS
S T E P N O.01 / B E C O N S C I O U S S T E P N O . 0 2 / A L L O W I T . K N O W T H A T Y O U DON’T HAVE TO RESPOND. PRACTICE THIS. S T E P N O . 0 3 / B E I N T E N T I O N A L HOW TO COACH YOURSELF
Coaching yourself to a better life can begin today. Your life fits into five areas and you only have complete control over three of them.
You can influence the other two, but focusing all your energy on them is what causes you to feel stuck. If you want to take your life to the next level, if you want to get unstuck, you have to take 100% responsibility for the three you have control over and focus all of your energy there. So what are the five areas? YOUR REALIT Y YOUR THINKING YOUR EMOTIONS YOUR RESPONSES YOUR OUTCOMES
Your thinking is what creates your life. The problem for most of us is that we tend to think our reality does. Lets look at the five areas… YOUR REALIT Y…
This is the outside world. You have no control over this. These are the facts of life. Things like gravity, other people, your job, your kids, your mother-in-law, the traffic, your past… In this moment you can not change these things. Resisting and raging at them creates no value in your life. Yet we spend so much time here. We resist reality, we talk for hours and hours about reality, we gossip about it, complain about it, rage at it… with absolutely no effect. I like to remind myself when I am resisting reality that I may as well be trying to fight gravity. YOUR THINKING…
Now we are getting into where we do have total control. It just may not feel that way right now and that is OK. Your thinking is your thoughts. What you say to yourself. Your self-talk. Your beliefs. You have total control over what you think. When you realise this, and actually exercise this control consciously, you change your life forever.
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WORKSHEET
YOUR EMOTIONS…
These are the feelings you have. They are caused by your thinking. You have more control over your emotions than you probably realise.
0 1 . W H E R E I N Y O U R L I F E A R E Y O U D I S S A T I S F I E D ? E . G . M Y J O B , M Y H E A L T H , MY REL ATIONSHIP…
We tend to think that the way we feel is caused by reality. ‘I feel unhappy because of my toxic workplace’, ‘I feel angry because my partner doesn’t respect me’, ‘I feel frustrated because of the traffic, the kids, colleague, friend…’
02. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT THESE AREAS OF YOUR LIFE?
We tell ourselves that the emotion is caused by the outside world. It isn’t. It is caused by how we are thinking. YOUR RESPONSE…
Your actions. How you behave. How you show up. What you do. Or don’t do.
0 3 . H O W D O T H E S E T H O U G H T S M A K E Y O U F E E L ? D E S C R I B E T H E E M O T I O N S T H A T T H E S E THOUGHTS GENERATE IN YOU?
We like to say things like, ‘I just slipped up’ or ‘I fell off the wagon’. This is total BS. We are 100% responsible for how we respond, or don’t, every time.
0 4 . H O W D O Y O U R E S P O N D ( A C T I O N O R I N A C T I O N ) W H E N Y O U T H I N K A N D F E E L THIS WAY?
YOUR OUTCOMES…
What we get from our response. Our experience of life. This is ultimately driven by our thinking. YOU HAVE MORE POWER THAN YOU REALISE
Understanding that every thought you have is influencing your experience of this life is very powerful.
0 5 . W H A T I S T H E O U T C O M E Y O U A R E C U R R E N T L Y G E T T I N G I N T H E S E A R E A S O F YOUR LIFE?
Realising that you have total control over this can be life changing. Please do not brush over this. Take a moment to be aware of this for yourself.
0 6 . D E S C R I B E H O W Y O U R T H O U G H T S A R E D E T E R M I N I N G T H I S O U T C O M E .
I don’t suggest you pretend to think things you don’t believe or force thoughts that you actually reject. First, just notice how you are thinking Notice how that makes you feel, what emotions these thoughts cause. See the outcomes these thoughts and emotions are creating in your life. Consider who you would be without these thoughts. If you want to feel better then, consider how you could think differently?
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0 7 . W H O W O U L D Y O U B E W I T H O U T T H E S E T H O U G H T S ?
health / W E L L - B E I N G
WORKSHEET 0 1 . H O W D O Y O U W A N T T O F E E L ? L I S T T H E E M O T I O N S Y O U W A N T T O E X P E R I E N C E MORE OF…
BE AWARE. DON’T FORCE ANY THING.
Please don’t force anything. Just begin to notice this in your life. I like the analogy of being on the field, versus in the grandstand… most of us are on the field all day long. In play, reactive, responsive and on the go.
0 2 . W H A T A R E S O M E O F T H E N E W B E L I E F S A N D T H O U G H T S Y O U W A N T T O P R A C T I C E ? THINK ABOUT WHAT THOUGHTS WOULD GENERATE THE EMOTIONS YOU LISTED ABOVE.
This lesson requires you to become your own coach. To get off the field, into the grandstand and to watch yourself in play. Notice that you are in fact not your mind. You can separate from those thoughts and see them running.
Your mind likes to catastrophise and make them a big deal but you – the person who For many of us we have never stopped play. controls the mind – can handle these emotions. The key is to know that you can There are many thoughts that have been feel these emotions and decide how you running the show for years and years that respond. In fact you can decide to do are unconscious. absolutely nothing at all. Take time to just see these. Write them BE INTENTIONAL. BE CONSCIOUS. down. See how they fit into your life. GET IN THE DRIVERS SEAT See the emotions and responses they are causing and how they are influencing your Feeling like you don’t have control over your thinking is a result of not being life. Consider what thoughts you want to keep, what thoughts you no longer choose aware of the thoughts. to have any more and what new thoughts you want to practice. LEARN TO ALLOW THE THOUGHTS FIRST
Once we realise that our thoughts are causing our experience of life we can feel an urge to force them to change. To just, ‘think positively’ and make life all rainbows and unicorns. Please don’t force this. There are some thoughts we can reframe easily but there are also situations where we actually want to feel the negative emotion. We may want to feel sad when a marriage ends, we may want to feel worried when our child is unwell, we may want to feel disappointed when we don’t get the job. This is where allowing the thoughts and emotions comes in. Realising that you can have a thought and feel a negative emotion and NOT react unconsciously is a very powerful lesson. You can feel anxious and NOT drink wine. You can feel stressed and NOT over-eat. You can feel hurt and NOT lose your temper. When you practice being aware – being in the grandstand – you see that these emotions are not such a big deal.
Being aware is the first step. Then the second step is to realise you can feel an emotion and not respond. Then the final step is to be intentional. Our brain is a fantastic machine. It loves to go to work and it is directed by how we think. If we think terrible thoughts, it goes to work on those thoughts. Feed your mind poison… you end up with poisonous emotions, responses and outcomes in your life. This is where being intentional with your thinking comes in. Being very careful and think on purpose. Deciding ahead of time how you want to think in that meeting, with the kids, in your relationship. Noticing when thoughts that do not serve you come up and reframing them. Taking good care of your mind and making sure you feed it with thoughts that are empowering and responsible. This is the key to having a better life. Managing your mind.
BEING INTENTIONAL MEANS YOU HAVE A GOAL, A VISION OF HOW YOU WANT THINGS TO BE. THIS IS IMPORTANT.
Having a goal that you are working toward helps you manage your mind if you are clear on why you need to be in order to achieve that goal. This is how you direct your mind toward getting you the results you want in your life. Here is what I mean… If I want to have a better relationship, I first get clear on who I want to be in that relationship? Do I want to be kind, present, appreciative, loving? Then I can intentionally direct my mind to think in a way that works toward that result. I can feed my mind thoughts that focus on where I can influence and strengthen the relationship. I focus on what I love about them, what I am grateful for, what I can do to give love to them, how I can practice understanding. Another example is I want to grow my business… First I get clear on who I want to be in the thriving business. Do I want to be clear, focused, committed, organised? Then I can feed my mind thoughts that focus on where I can generate more value and wealth in my business. When you are aware of your thinking you can see the thoughts that are not useful and choose to reframe them, or even just be amused at them. Being able to notice the thoughts and question them, reframe them, laugh at them even, is the process of developing and strengthening your mental agility.
Deciding what you are going to think, what you are going to focus on and thinking on purpose is how you take your power back.
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WORKSHEET 0 1 . W H A T I S A G O A L Y O U H A V E P E R H A P S I N Y O U R H E A L T H , R E L A T I O N S H I P S , C A R E E R OR BUSINESS?
0 2 . W H O D O Y O U W A N T T O B E , W H A T K I N D O F P E R S O N D O Y O U W A N T T O B E W H E N I T COMES TO THIS GOAL OR AREA OF YOUR LIFE?
0 3 . W H A T T H O U G H T S A N D E M O T I O N S D O Y O U N E E D T O H A V E A N D G E N E R A T E I N ORDER TO BE THIS PERSON?
Instead of thinking: I D O N’T K N O W H O W. WHY AM I SO DUMB? I AM UNSURE. I AM SO EXHAUSTED. HOW WILL I EVER GET THIS DONE?
W O W, MY M I N D T H I N K S S O M E A M U S I N G THOUGHTS SOMETIMES. I AM FOCUSED AND COMMIT TED. I CAN CREATE THE LIFE I DESIRE. I AM IN CHARGE OF MY MIND. I GET TO DECIDE HOW I THINK, FEEL AND RESPOND EVERY SINGLE TIME, I AM 100%
THERE ISN’T ENOUGH TIME.
RESPONSIBLE.
EAT ALL THE FOOD, DRINK ALL THE WINE,
I A M A R O C K S TA R!
BINGE WATCH T V!
You can think, on purpose: I C A N F I G U R E E V E R Y T H I N G O U T. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN NOT LEARN. WHAT DO I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE RIGHT NOW? I CAN DO HARD THINGS. WHAT OPPORTUNIT Y IS THERE IN THIS MOMENT? I CAN FEEL ANXIOUS AND STILL DO THE WORK. WHAT IS THE LESSON HERE? HOW CAN I DO THIS BETTER NEXT TIME? I AM WILLING TO FAIL.
Go on. No-one can hear you. Try it on. Feed your mind thoughts that generate better feelings and see how your life changes for the better! A THREE-STEP PROCESS
S T E P N O.01 / B E C O N S C I O U S S T E P N O . 0 2 / A L L O W I T . K N O W T H A T Y O U DON’T HAVE TO RESPOND. PRACTICE THIS. S T E P N O.03 / B E I N T E N T I O N A L
I believe this is the key to living a better life, a fulfilling life, to being able to design the life you truly desire.
I HAVE ALL THE TIME THERE IS. I AM THE PERFECT MOTHER FOR MY CHILDREN AND THEY ARE THE PERFECT CHILDREN FOR ME.
L AURACARROCCI.COM/JOIN
I LOVE MY HUSBAND, WIFE, PARTNER, KIDS.
L AURA CARROCCI, LIFE COACH,
I HAVE SOMETHING THAT OTHERS NEED. WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
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STRATEGIST AND CREATOR OF Y O U R L I F E D E S I G N E D M O N T H LY COACHING PROGRAM
PHOTOGRAPH BY SERAINA SIL JA HÜRLIMANN FOR TYPE HYPE