PRESSURE TO BE PERFECT

Older and younger sister watch the reflections of themselves, not yet understanding the roles that their ages place on them. Photo courtesy of Rachel Blanchard.

The Burden Upon Our Backs

The obligations that come with being the first-born daughter

By Rachel Blanchard

Staff Reporter

I am a walking archetype of an eldest daughter. Bossy, responsible, uptight, competitive, a perfectionist, all are stereotypical traits of an oldest daughter that I embody. These traits aren’t just something that all first-born daughters are born with, it is something that we are trained to be. We are trained when we are put into roles of therapist, second mother, babysitter, and perfect role model, before we even reach our teenage years.

Of course we are bossy and competitive and perfectionists, we have no other choice but to fit into the mold, no choice but to do what is required of us.

Children are told not to grow up too fast, and eldest daughters aren’t the exception, we were told this too. The difference is that while we were being told not to worry about adult problems, they were being placed on our backs.

As children, we were forced to carry the burden that many adults aren’t ready to

handle. More often than not, oldest daughters grow up with an extreme sense of responsibility. And not just in the sense that we grew up being responsible for keeping our rooms clean, but something more serious than that.

Eldest daughters can find themselves feeling that they must carry the burden of the raising of their siblings, the happiness of their family, keeping their household together in hard times, and other weighty topics. This wasn’t an idea that just popped into our brains, it was something that was placed on us before we even knew how to spell “responsibility.”

Though there is not one person or idea that this phenomenon can be traced back to, there are certain ideas that could be partially to blame, like traditional gender roles that place the mother as the sole caregiver, causing them to expect the eldest daughter to take on a motherly role when they need help, which is almost all the time.

This feeling isn’t something that goes away once the daughter leaves the household, oldest daughters can find that the pressures placed on them as a child follow them throughout their lives, and can be seen in the people-pleasing tendencies that stem from the responsibility for everyone else’s wellbeing.

Pressure and responsibility are a package that comes with the role of “second mother.” Much like the parents of the family, the oldest daughter must be a role model for the younger children.

Parents often shape their oldest child, specifically daughter, into the “perfect child” in the hopes that the daughter will make sure that her younger siblings will follow in her footsteps. The eldest daughter, and “perfect child” must have perfect grades, be respectable, be better than average in whatever hobby she chooses to pursue, and must not step off of the path laid out for her.

It is also expected that she pulls her younger siblings onto this path as well, and makes sure that they don’t veer off, yet she cannot be upset when she finds her siblings becoming a carbon copy of her and replicating her every move. She is expected to steer her siblings in the right direction completely on her own, even But what point is there in creating the perfect daughter if the other children are allowed to do whatever they want, rather than following in her footsteps?

These pressure and responsibilities are what cause oldest daughters to fit into the archetype. “Oldest daughter syndrome” follows the women it affects for their entire life. We still feel the burden of everyone else’s happiness and wellbeing, we still feel the need to put everyone else’s needs before our own, and we still feel the anxiety that comes with the pressure to be perfect.

There is no way to give back the childhood we lost when we were forced into the roles of perfect child and second mother, but our parent’s shaping of us made us who we are.

People-pleasing becomes selflessness, the pressure to be perfect becomes ambition, our roles as second mothers are what taught us to be strong leaders, and the responsibility for other’s happiness is what made us kind and empathetic. Through the pressure and responsibility of our youths, we were shaped into the women we are, and the women we are going to become.

Older sister peers out of the window at the top of the arch, younger sister by her side. They wear their hair the same, the younger sister is already following the oldest daughter’s path. Photo courtesy of Rachel Blanchard.

The oldest daughter already feels the pressure to keep her siblings in line. Photo courtesy of Rachel Blanchard

[FINAL FRAME

By Rocco Muich Staff [ Photographer

Opening the door to our flaws

Once I was told to do a photo about flaws I was dumbfounded at first. I had no idea how to capture flaws without doing something that hasn’t been done. Physical flaws are something that I’ve already seen so I decided to try to do mental flaws, something people struggle to capture. Mental flaws to me are people that struggle with depression or PTSD or any other mental illness. I chose that idea to portray the flaw because people tend to think they are not as equal, or flawed, compared to people without mental illness.

My whole thought process with the piece was to make it as visually eye catching and appealing as possible.

I wanted to do a long exposure to make it seem I was more faint and distant than everything else. Shooting a long exposure also allowed me to create motion before the click so it allowed me to look fuzzy and not fully there which I love. I made sure to make the whole image uneven so the viewer could pick out individual flaws in the bathroom I was in so they would look at longer than just the two seconds for a normal photo.

I’m really happy how it came out and am very thankful to get this opportunity to share my thought process and hopefully bring a little awareness to mental health.

If you are feeling lost or struggling with mental health, you are not alone. You can talk to a trusted friend or adult or seek out your counselor here at school.