POPPY TALKS

A Ted Lasso Christmas

Irecently started watching Apple TV’s Ted Lasso and I don’t typically promote stuff, but I am a word person and I love how the characters sometimes create one-liners that require a bit of thought, however goofy. For instance, if you live in England and you get fired, you might put your footwear in the trunk of your car when you pack up your office. In other words, you got the boot so you put your boots in the boot.

So… just for fun, here are some Christmas Lassos.  When Santa Claus rings your doorbell because he brought some snacks to your party, it’s a Kringle jingle for a Pringles mingle.  On Christmas Eve, when you’re running around getting last-minute gifts and you get into an argument with your driver, it’s a swift gift Lyft rift.  If your canine pet left a mess on the floor because he knocked over and drank your Christmas dairy drink, you’ll be cleaning up a dog nog log.  Realizing that trimming your cheerful robot with a green garland was a mistake is a jolly Wall-e holly folly.  When you really want to spontaneously swat a person who doesn't like Christmas, you're making a Grinch flinch an inch in a pinch. Your friend in Georgia who enjoys orange soda and volunteering at the mall is an Atlanta Fanta Santa.  When your cat is enjoying the scent of the perfume you spilled on her, the myrrh on her fur sure made her purr.  If your mom wants you to add more silver icicles to your holiday greenery you need tinselmo' the mistletoe.

 When the street market guide says you can buy decorations from the man in the booth with all the wind damage, they are in the gent’s bent Advent ornament tent.

 My brother, who agrees Die Hard is the best Christmas movie ever, and invites me to his house to drink beer while we watch the movie will throw me a foamy at his homey and show me Nakatomi.  When the former President decided to go to a holiday singles party, it was Nixon fixin' to do some Vixen mixin'.

 Santa's wife was annoyed when the manicurist wouldn't affix the sharp fingernails until after Christmas, citing the Claus claws pause laws clause that she do nothing to scare children during the busy season.  My friend was trying to flirt with the sales guy to get a discount on a BB-gun for her son but the insider Red

Ryder provider denied her.  When you are concerned for the safety of the kooky man who guards the Nativity scene in a national park, you are aware of the stranger manger Ranger danger.

Yes, Poppy knows your eyes are rolling but I really had fun doing them. Feel free to send your own Lassos to us and have a wonderful, blessed Christmas season!

Standing over 150 feet tall, the Statue of Liberty was given to us by France in 1886 and is the LARGEST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER. France constructed it and presented it in late October 1886 as an early Christmas present. At 225 tons, it is also the world’s heaviest gift.

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“The 12 Days of Christmas” comes to 364 presents and, in 2021, would cost about $1.3 million. The big challenge is getting the lords to leap in unison. Figure about $100k per lord, with an extra $100k to cover the birds, rings, milkmaids, and so forth. I

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