Titles in Between The Lines:
HOPE AND TRUTH DANIEL BLYTHE
KISS THE SKY DANIEL BLYTHE
REFUGEE KID CATHERINE BRUTON
ANNIE
TOMMY DONBAVAND
PROMISE ME ANN EVANS
SILENT VALLEY CLIFF McNISH
MADE
KATE ORMAND
SIREN SONG JACQUELINE RAYNER
Badger Publishing Limited, Oldmedow Road, Hardwick Industrial Estate, King’s Lynn PE30 4JJ Telephone: 01438 791037 www.badgerlearning.co.uk
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Silent Valley ISBN 978-1-78837-210-7 Text © Cliff McNish 2017 Complete work © Badger Publishing Limited 2017 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any form or by any means mechanical, electronic, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the publisher. The right of Cliff McNish to be identified as author of this Work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. Publisher: Susan Ross Senior Editor: Danny Pearson Editorial Coordinator: Claire Morgan Copyeditor: Cambridge Publishing Management Designer: Bigtop Design Ltd Cover: © Tim Gainey / Alamy Stock Photo 2 4 6 8 10 9 7 5 3 1
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CHAPTER 1
MOTHER Carrie sat in the living room, smoothing out her shirt. She was waiting for her mum to turn up. Her mother. Her actual mother. Just saying the word out loud had been sending shivers down Carrie’s spine for days. Carrie couldn’t believe how jittery she was. I’m 16, and I’m this scared? she thought, telling herself how stupid she was being. But she couldn’t help it. She hadn’t seen her mother since she was five, the same day she abandoned her in Birmingham’s Bullring Shopping Centre.
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Ever since then it had been just Carrie and her dad looking after each other. Eleven years of silence. Eleven years of longing for a mother who’d let go of her hand, then simply vanished. And now, as if returned from the dead, her mother Suzanna was back in her life again. She’d phoned Carrie’s dad. “I want to see her,” she’d told him. “I want to see my lovely daughter. To explain. If she’ll let me. If she can find it in her heart.” * “I never stopped loving you, you know.” Those were Suzanna’s first words when she sat down on the sofa, and they completely melted Carrie. Moments before, she’d almost run out the house when the doorbell rang. Why should she see a mother who’d dumped her when she was so young? But part of her had always craved that missing mother–daughter relationship. And here
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she was now, being told how much she was loved. How could she resist that? As a child, Carrie had poured endlessly over photos of her mum with her as a toddler. In most of them, Suzanna had looked drunk or at least tipsy. Carrie didn’t recognise this new woman perched nervously on the edge of the sofa. Head down. Quiet. No make-up. Still slim, but wearing just a light grey dress over practical shoes. And crying. Crying her eyes out. “I always thought about you,” she whispered. “Every single day, Carrie. I know you probably don’t believe that, but I was a mess for such a long time. I barely knew who I was. I just partied. Drank every day. Took drugs, too.” She glanced apologetically at Carrie, shuffling her feet. “Yes, I did lots of those. I knew you’d be better off with your dad. I knew —”
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“But why did you leave me there?” Carrie burst out. “In that busy shopping centre? You let go of my hand! You left me alone!” It was the question Carrie had never had the chance to ask. The words poured out of her like chips of ice. She didn’t mean them to, but she couldn’t stop them. “I’m so sorry,” Suzanna murmured. She leaned forwards, but Carrie pulled back. “Why?” she shouted. “Why no word? Nothing. You never sent me anything!” Her face was suddenly wet. “All those years, Mum! All those years making up stupid excuses for you. No letters. No birthday presents. Not even a card!” “I know. It’s unforgiveable.” “No, you don’t know!” Carrie was openly weeping now. She was shaking. “I waited and waited, Mum. Every year on my birthday and at Christmas, but you were never there! I made
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an Easter bunny for you once. I got a chocolate packet mixture when I was seven. It didn’t even look like a rabbit. It was just a bit of lumpy chocolate. But I made it, and put a bow around its neck, and I asked Dad for your address to send it to you in case no one had given you any chocolate that day. And he just looked at me. Because that’s all he could do, isn’t it? Because you never told us where you were!” Suzanna leaned back, saw how emotional Carrie was. Standing up, she reached out and held Carrie’s shoulders. “I know,” she whispered. “But you don’t know what I was like. You really don’t. I was having a breakdown when we went to the shopping centre that day. I only lost hold of you for a few seconds. Just seconds, Carrie. But that’s when I realised I’d become a terrible danger to you and your dad. I knew I had to get away. To sort myself out.” Suzanna held Carrie at arm’s length, looked straight into her eyes.
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“Only it took longer than I thought. I couldn’t get my head straight. I just got worse. I know now that it was partly because I missed you so much, but at the time my only escape was drink. That and drugs. Any high I could find. God, I never stopped! Boozed out of my brain. Shooting up. I barely made it out alive. Look, if you don’t believe me.” Suzanna pulled back her arm sleeves. A line of track marks ran as far up as Carrie could see. “See?” Suzanna said, quickly covering them again. “That was me. Marks like that are all over my body, Carrie. Places I wouldn’t want you to see.” She dropped her eyes. “Places I wouldn’t want anyone to see. Do you understand now? I couldn’t have you anywhere near me while I was like that. I couldn’t risk harming you. How could I have ever forgiven myself for that?” Carrie stared at Suzanna. Saw how hollow her mother’s face was, how wrinkled and tight the skin was. Decades of self-abuse. She looked much older than her 41 years.
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With a deep sigh, Carrie walked up to Suzanna. Let her chin rest on her mother’s back. The warmth against her skin felt so good. It felt like it was supposed to feel. “Oh Mum…” she choked, and couldn’t get any more words out. “I know,” Suzanna said, pulling her into a full, fierce hug. “I know. Me too. Me too. I’m so sorry, Carrie. I’ve wasted all this time. I’ve been terrible.” They tidied themselves up. They smiled awkwardly as they helped each other wipe away the tears. Suzanna smoothed out Carrie’s hair and clothes, complimented her on her good nails. Then they sat down and just looked at each other. “Well, what do we do now?” Carrie said, taking a deep breath. She’d never felt like this before — as if life was opening up, as if anything was possible. “I did have one thought.” Suzanna’s wrinkled mouth creased into a small grin. “What about 11
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a holiday? Time together, I mean. Mother and daughter. There’s a place in India I’ve heard about. A little retreat.” She placed a hand against Carrie’s cheek. “I’ll pay, obviously. Just me and you, no one else, nothing to interrupt us.” She smiled cautiously. “What do you think?” Suzanna looked so desperate for forgiveness in that moment that Carrie blushed. Her heart rushed out to her, and she said the only thing she could. “Yes, Mum. I’d like that. I’d like it very much.”
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