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LAST YEAR I WROTE A BOOK WITH MY FRIEND ADAM PALMER CALLED GO SMALL: BECAUSE GOD DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR STATUS, SIZE, OR SUCCESS. WHEN WE STARTED WRITING THE BOOK, IT SEEMED A LITTLE AGAINST THE GRAIN FOR ME. AFTER ALL, IF YOU KNOW ME AT ALL, YOU KNOW I LIKE TO GO BIG ALL THE TIME. I LIKE TO BE THE BEST AT EVERYTHING I DO, I LIKE WINNING, AND I LIKE TO BLOW THINGS UP AS BIG AS POSSIBLE.
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In other words
THE SMALL stuff matters.
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SO WHEN WE WORKED ON THIS BOOK THAT WAS ALL ABOUT EMBRACING THE SMALL PARTS OF LIFE AND TRUSTING THAT GOD WAS IN THE MIDST OF THOSE TINY INTERACTIONS, IT INITIALLY THREW ME FOR A LOOP. IN ALL HONESTY, THERE WERE TIMES WHERE I WOULD JUST FLAT OUT TELL ADAM, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE SAYING HERE.”
ut the more we dug into the idea, the more it began to make sense: God works just as much—if not more—in the billions of small gestures we make toward Him as He does in the few grand gestures we can pull off in our lifetime. And every huge thing is really made up of countless small things.
In other words, the small stuff matters. Once I latched onto this truth for good, I began to see it in action all around. Not just in my own life, but in the work we’re doing at Fireproof Ministries. I saw it in the relationship that my friend Rachel built with a porn star named Brittni. It took years of small interactions, but eventually Brittni came to Christ and left porn for good. I saw it in the small Bible that reads “Jesus Loves Porn Stars” on the cover. We handed this tiny token of God’s love to Brittni one day years ago, and it was instrumental in revealing the depths of Christ’s sacrifice to her. I saw it in the small actions of our various Strip Church Network ministries, as they showed love to women in the sex industry through things as seemingly insignificant as smiles, eye contact, baked goods, nail polish, learning a name, or asking about kids.
I saw it in our online small groups, X3groups, where men and women meet for one short hour once a week to encourage one another in their journey toward complete freedom from porn. I saw it in the countless tossed-off decisions that married couples make in order to build a long-lasting love for one another. I saw it in the multiple little ways we can give married couples information, support, and ways to keep choosing one another for a lifetime. And I saw it in all the milestones we had with X3watch this past year. It was a huge year, to be sure, but that one big year was made up of 365 pretty ordinary days, each day bringing a new accomplishment that laid the foundation for the following day. As you read through the stories in this newsletter, I hope you’ll start to see it, too. I hope you’ll begin to internalize the truth that little things can make a huge difference in God’s kingdom, and that we all—you included—have a major role to play.
We just have to go small. God bless, Craig
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KEEP IT 100 OUR NEXT BRIGHT(AND BIG) IDEA
ne thing we’ve never been short of here at XXXchurch are big goals. But we know that almost all the big goals in the world have been achieved one small step at a time.
By Adam Palmer
Big goals; small steps. It’s the way we do things around here. And Rachel Ceballos, one of our team members and a pastor at Christ’s Church of the Valley in San Dimas, California, has just such a goal—and just such the small steps—to fit right in with our missions. She calls it Bright Lights, Big Cities. “It’s this insane initiative to try to get 100 women in each of 100 cities around America to go out and serve and love women in the areas where they live,” Ceballos says. “It’s kind of a crazy idea, but we know people are out there who want to get connected to their giftings and find a place to go out and serve.” Ceballos is fond of dropping words like “insane” and “crazy,” and with good reason: Bright Lights, Big Cities does have the audacity reserved for the dreamers and doers whom often are relegated to the margins of society with such derisive terminology. Ceballos tends to prefer adopting it and turning it into a positive. Possibly because she has a long history of following her so-called “insane” impulses, including one that changed the course of her ministry. NEWSLETTER SUMMER 2015
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“When I was just starting off in my career of being a pastor, a girl came up to me and asked me to come with her on a missions trip to a porn convention,” Ceballos recalls. “I had no context for that, but she just knew I needed to go with her. I didn’t even know if I could do that and still keep my job.” As a fledgling minister, Ceballos was worried that broaching such a subject might lead her senior pastors to deem her unfit for ministry. And yet… “I felt a little spark inside me and I knew that was God urging me to go,” she says. “So I went, and from that moment, I’ve been so passionate about loving people in the sex industry.” Ceballos has since become a well-known veteran of the XXXchurch porn convention outreaches, altering the course of her life. “[That passion] has taken me all over the world and shown me that there is such a need to love the women in this world of brothels, strip clubs, massage parlors, and other parts of the sex industry,” she says. “They are out there, in every city.” And that’s where the idea for Bright Lights, Big Cities was born. Because while it is a very big initiative, Ceballos knows it can be brought about through the seemingly small actions of everyday people.
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“WHETHER YOU’RE A STAY-AT-HOME MOM, A COLLEGE STUDENT, OR A GRANDMOTHER, IF YOU HAVE THIS DESIRE TO GO OUT AND SEE LIVES CHANGED JUST BY BEING WHO YOU ARE AND LOVING OTHER PEOPLE, THEN WE WANT TO HELP TRAIN YOU.” And that’s the crux of the goal of Bright Lights, Big Cities: to give ordinary people just a little bit of training that can help them learn how to effectively love those who often feel the opposite of it. And in so doing, change their lives. 100 women in 100 cities, doing nothing but loving their neighbors. Sounds small. But it’s always going to be a big deal. The Bright Lights, Big Cities initiative culminates with a training set for June 12-13 in Chicago, Illinois. Find out more at brightlightsbigcities.com and stripchurch.com and while you are at it online check out Rachel’s new blog at ladypastor.com
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GROUP HUG: HOW X3GROUPS ARE REVOLUTIONIZING THE SMALL GROUP By Adam Palmer
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ny church will tell you that, when it comes to small groups, longevity is tough. It seems like everyone – both in the congregation and on staff – feels like small groups are a good idea in theory, but converting that theory into a long-lasting reality remains an elusive quarry for many churches. But longevity doesn’t seem to be a problem for one method of small groups, a method that relies on some of the most transient, fickle people around: internet users. “Some of our small groups have been going strong for a year or two,” says Craig Gross, founder of the controversial website XXXchurch.com. “We never expected this level of commitment from people, but these guys in these groups, they love it. It’s become like a family.”
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become like a family.”The small group program, dubbed “X3groups,” was the brainchild of Gross and Ryan Russell (the CEO of X3watch). After XXXchurch friend and board member Steven Luff started a group in Los Angeles called “X3LA,” Gross and Russell began to think of ways to duplicate that group’s success in an online capacity. That original X3LA group has since helped over 200 people and is still running strong seven years after its inception. “Basically, Craig and I said, ‘Let’s try something and see if anyone’s interested,’” says Russell. So in February of 2012, the website quietly began to offer an online group meeting. The response was far from overwhelming, but enough people signed up to make the program seem viable.
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“We started with four groups,” says Russell, “and we did those for just a set time of eight weeks, really to see how they would go over.” And what happened after that eight-week trial? “Three of the groups folded.” But there was still one group that wanted to continue, and so in June of 2012, the team at XXXchurch.com began to mine the possibilities, passing the responsibilities in on to Carl Thomas, an X3 staff member with experience in church small groups who has since become the X3groups Network Director. They hit reset with their one group, and re-launched the program with a new website in November. “Ever since then we’ve been developing and tweaking things,” says Thomas. “Over a short time, we’ve gone from one group with six people to having 50 groups with over 400 people, all meeting every week.” And while the groups originally started with the idea of catering to men, that’s changed, too. “Now we have women’s, men’s, students, pastors, and we just launched groups for spouses.” “Small groups are not an appendage; they’re a core,” Willits says. “We’ve seen them be transformational throughout our entire church, [and] the only numerical goal we’ve set in our church is around small group participation. We want to drive people to those small groups. We believe you can’t grow spiritually without being connected relationally.” North Point has even tried its hand at internetconnected groups. “We tried it online and we failed at it dismally,” Willits says with welcome frankness. “There was a drive [among the people] to have connection, but there wasn’t enough of a desire.” Nevertheless, Willits sees opportunities for small group connectivity among the kinds of people who thrive in X3groups.
“WE BELIEVE YOU C SPIRITUALLY WITH CONNECTED RELA
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CAN’T GROW HOUT BEING ATIONALLY.”
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“There is a group of people who are transparent and who want to connect and who see it as the lifeblood of their spiritual experience,” he says. “X3groups are helping people for the first time knowing that they’re not alone and that someone is walking with them, and that’s what we’re trying to do at the local church as well.”
“X3GROUPS ARE HELPING PEOPLE FOR THE FIRST TIME KNOWING THAT THEY’RE NOT ALONE AND THAT SOMEONE IS WALKING WITH THEM...” Thomas agrees that, technology and format aside, the real reason for the breakout acceptance of the program has to do with what happens within them. “From my experience,” says Thomas, “both being in the traditional small group world and leading these groups and seeing what happens, the biggest difference is in the openness and conversation. We’re talking about real stuff. Guys are talking about things they’re not going to bring up in their church small group, like how they struggled at the store the other day checking out a woman cashier or about the last time they looked at porn. They’re talking about deep issues and being super-open about their lives. A lot of small groups have surface-level conversation, where they’re not going to talk about how they haven’t slept with their wife for three weeks or how they masturbated five times yesterday. We’re not hold anything back.” Russ Cantu, pastor of Catalyst Church in San Diego (and an X3group leader) agrees: “Being a part of a group is easy. Being a part of a group that is living and sharing raw and authentic lives; that’s the hard part. But [if] it’s what you want, and what you need, and X3groups make it simple to do it.” That level of openness may seem difficult to achieve within the traditional small-group environment. How does Thomas explain the accomplishment of this Herculean task? According to him, it’s all in how you start.
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“BEING A PART OF A GROUP IS EASY. BEING A PART OF A GROUP THAT IS LIVING AND SHARING RAW AND AUTHENTIC LIVES; THAT’S THE HARD PART. BUT [IF] IT’S WHAT YOU WANT, AND WHAT YOU NEED, AND X3GROUPS MAKE IT SIMPLE TO DO IT.” “[Group success] is all about setting expectations,” he says. “We have a group covenant – a description of the group and how we expect each member to treat it. [The group needs to be] safe: you can talk and if you share, that’s great. If you don’t share, you probably won’t get much out of it. But they know nothing’s going to get out of the group. No one is going to talk about what happens in there. We set the stage up front. You’re coming in here, you know it will be secure, but if you want to get anything out of it, you need to come to the table. We don’t mask it. There’s no hiding it. We’re focused on sex/porn addiction, recovery, and help. This is what we’re talking about, and we’re really intentional as to why we’re getting together. It’s not a social experiment. Group members utilize a secure videoconferencing platform that allows them to meet face-to-face from across the country – or the world. “We have guys from Brazil, Australia, New Zealand, Finland, all over the place,” says Thomas. “In my group, we have a missionary to central America.”
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This ability to join what Thomas calls “a little tribe” is key, according to him. “You know who you’re talking to. And you’re with the same guys every week. The only difference is if someone leaves the group. You’re building relationships with the same people; you don’t have to worry about a voyeur popping in and checking it out.” And what would motivate someone to leave the group? On occasion, some leave the group because it’s not what they expected, or they don’t want to put in the work to live the healthier life they had signed up for in the first place. Usually, though, people leave the group because they graduate out – though many leave a group just to start leading one themselves. For all the longevity the X3groups manage to maintain, their focus on recovery does mean that people will, hopefully, leave them eventually. Yet the weekly engagement level remains high, and according to the internal data at XXXchurch.com, their group participants are largely committed for the long haul. For Thomas, this all comes down to what happens during those 60 to 90 minutes that the group is meeting.
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I don’t!” he assures. “I just hate the way a lot of them are executed. If you want to have a great small group, you have to have authentic and open environment. Shallow conversation won’t cut it. It needs to be relational, and really importantly, the leadership needs to buy into it. “If you have a group where it gets really raw, and a guy shares something that offends someone else, and then they go running to the pastors, and the pastors are all, ‘You have to tone it down,’ then they’re not buying into the philosophy. Being offended is part of life and you have to deal with it; you can’t pull back the reins because someone got offended. Let them talk it out, let them figure it out. That’s how growth happens. We understand there will be people who leave because they don’t like something, but we’re okay with that, so great, open conversations happen. People don’t hold back.” Thomas can sum up this philosophy with a short pitch for a special X3group that he leads: “I have a pastors’ group, and when I have a new guy come in, I tell them, ‘When you’re here, forget you’re a pastor. Just be you. We don’t need any pastor-ese talk—just be a dude. You won’t be judged.’”
“Some people think I hate small groups, but
“SOME PEOPLE THINK I HATE SMALL GROUPS, BUT I DON’T!” HE ASSURES. “I JUST HATE THE WAY A LOT OF THEM ARE EXECUTED. IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A GREAT SMALL GROUP, YOU HAVE TO HAVE AUTHENTIC AND OPEN ENVIRONMENT. SHALLOW CONVERSATION WON’T CUT IT. IT NEEDS TO BE RELATIONAL, AND REALLY IMPORTANTLY, THE LEADERSHIP NEEDS TO BUY INTO IT.
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IN THE LAST YEAR, WE’VE SEEN SOME STAGGERING INCREASES WHEN IT COMES TO OUR X3GROUPS NUMBERS. We’re going to keep working. We’re going to keep pushing. And most importantly, we’re going to keep making a difference in the lives of those we lead. Carl Thomas, X3groups Network Director
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DO YOU WANT WHEN YOU DIE? BY CRAIG GROSS
I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT WHEN I LEAVE THIS WORLD I WANT TO KNOW THAT I MADE A DIFFERENCE; THAT I MADE AN IMPACT AND CHANGED SOME LIVES. aybe it’s just a need to feel like I served a purpose. Maybe it’s some sort of philanthropic selfishness. Or maybe it’s because that’s what Jesus has called us to do: change lives. Around eight years ago we met a porn star named Brittni at the Las Vegas AVN convention while on outreach. Brittni was a big name in industry. In fact, she was one of the biggest names and seemingly “had it all.” But like so many we’ve met in the porn business, the “all” she had wasn’t really the “all” she wanted or needed. We met Brittni when we handed her a Bible that said “Jesus Loves Porn Stars” on the cover and simply showed love to her. We got to know her and became her friend. This was especially true of a woman on staff named Rachel, who took an interest in Brittni’s non-porn life and got to know her as a person. Year after year and convention after convention, Rachel sowed into this relationship with no expectations. Until 7 years later, when Brittni contacted us to let us know she had found Jesus!
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It’s a great story of the power of love and Christ’s redemption, but here’s one part of it that I don’t want you to miss: This entire amazing journey started because of a Bible that declared “Jesus Loves Porn Stars.”
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OUR GOAL: TO RAISE $50,000 TO FUND ALL COSTS ASSOCIATED WITH PROVIDING 30,000 COPIES OF OUR JESUS LOVES PORN STARS BIBLES.
This small Bible with a slogan on it that seems so counterintuitive to so many was the trigger for a long-time relationship that resulted in a changed life. Brittni’s life. We hand out over 3,000 Bibles at each of the largest adult Sexpos across the world, and this year we’ve decided to update this little Bible with new stories, new images, and a new featured Gospel (Luke). But the message is the same:
We want to do this, but we need your help. Our “Donate Bibles” Campaign is currently raising $50,000 to manufacture 30,000 copies of our Jesus Loves Porn Stars Bibles which we will then distribute at the largest adult Sexpos, handing them out to men and women involved in the sex industry. Our Goal: To raise $50,000 to fund all costs associated with providing 30,000 copies of our Jesus Loves Porn Stars Bibles. Your support can make a huge difference! The type of difference Jesus has asked us all to make. For every $5 gift we can make and give away 3 Bibles. That’s three lives. Three people like Brittni who need to find Jesus. Three points of impact you will leave as part of
your own personal legacy. We have several giving levels that come with a bunch of perks like an all-expense-paid outreach experience to an upcoming convention of your choice. You choose the level of giving, but know that whatever the gift size, you are paving the way for all the other Brittnis out there. We believe God’s word doesn’t return void. Would you consider joining us in this opportunity? You can learn more or make your contribution at DonateBibles.com.
THIS ENTIRE AMAZING JOURNEY STARTED BECAUSE OF A BIBLE THAT DECLARED “JESUS LOVES PORN STARS.” NEWSLETTER SUMMER 2015
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WE’RE GETTING ‘MARRIED’:
INTRODUCING A NEW, UNCONVENTIONAL MARRIAGE EVENT
BY NOAH ADAMS
As XXXchurch has grown, we’ve discovered a greater and greater need for building stronger families as a means of fulfilling our ultimate mission. When husbands and wives are more connected and stronger in their bonds, they are less likely to stray to porn and other marriagedamaging behaviors.
A 2 DAY EVENT THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR MARRIAGE MARRIED.EVENTS NEWSLETTER SUMMER 2015
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arried is like no other marriage event and was developed specifically to upend expectations. Married is meant to help its couples laugh a lot, learn a little, and leave with a fresh perspective on marriage and all that it entails. Featuring the incisive insight of Craig & Jeanette Gross, Dave & Ashley Willis, and Jeff & Shaunti Feldhahn, as well as the comedy and emcee skills of David Dean, Married is a loose, fun, and informative weekend about the work of being married. It’s all about how to handle the ups, downs, and slow, gradual slopes of sharing life with someone, touching on topics like sex, money, kids, dreams, expectations, grocery shopping, paying bills, sharing responsibilities, and more, all in a a fresh, relatable style to relay their years of practical wisdom in ways that couples can grasp and enjoy. “There are lots of great marriage events out there,” says Craig Gross, “but we think we’ve managed to put together something that will stand on its own.” How so? “First of all, this is perfect for someone like me, who wants to get great information, not be bored, and not have to force an interaction with all the couples next to me,” Gross says with his trademark candor. “I want to have a great time bonding with my wife, not some couple I just met.” The creators of Married have also done all they can to make the unorthodox event as affordable as possible. “We investigated all kinds of ways to make it free,” says Gross, “but while we couldn’t get there, we did figure out how to make it as cheap as we could while still making it great. That way we can open it up to more and more couples who would benefit from a weekend together working on their marriage.” The inaugural Married event is scheduled for July 31st and August 1st at Southbrook Christian Church in Miamisburg, Ohio. More information can be found at Married.events. Any Fireproof supporter can get half off of the registration by typing in the word “Fireproof” at checkout. We would love to see you in Ohio this summer.
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ONLINE VIDEO WORKSHOPS ON A RANGE OF TOPICS. X3WORKSHOPS.COM
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ALL COURSES
X3 Pure Video Series
Best Sex Life Now Video Series
Get Open Video Series
Giving you a clear path to Sexual Freedom. This course will finally give you the steps to sexual freedom and healing.
Helping you rediscover your spouse. This course will help answer hard questions and bring you together as a couple.
Helping you discover a life of Character. This course will give you the tools to finally live a life of honesty and openness.
Pre-Marital Counseling Video Series
Touchy Subjects Video Series
Men Are Visual Video Series
Guiding you through parenthood and Tech. This course gives parents a solid foundation to build trust and openness with their children.
Helping women understand what men see. This course will give you the keys to understanding how the male brain works, thinks and responds.
Everything you should know before Marriage. This course talks about everything your parents wouldn’t, it is a must for engaged couples.
OVER 20,000 HAPPY CUSTOMERS! I recently went through this program and I’m very very grateful for it and what its taught me. Thanks for the great tools that the X3workshop provided. Craig & Jeanette and Dave & Ashley are super easy to listen to and it feels like I just invited them over to my house for a simple chat. The series does a great job of tackling such a sensitive topic in normal, everyday language.
Truthful, insightful and inspiring. I’m so thankful that I landed on this. I am hopeful. This workshop helped me in life-changing ways. The instructor’s understanding of the recovery process and what it takes to end the double-life was so helpful.
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Porn addiction and sex addiction are some of the most difficult addictions to overcome.
XXXCHURCH IS YOUR ONLINE RESOURCE TO FIGHT PORN ADDICTION AND GET PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION HELP.
CHECK OUT THE ALL NEW XXXCHURCH .COM
How do men see the world? What happens when women see what men see?
Men are visual Women, you know men are more visual in nature, but what does that mean for you? What’s the best way to show love to your husband, your son, or your male coworkers? To honor their visual nature without bowing to it? Shaunti Feldhahn and Craig Gross answer these questions and more in Through a Man’s Eyes, Available July 21st wherever boks are sold or for pre-order at www.menarevisual.com
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WATCH WHAT’S HAPPENING: THE YEAR IN X3WATCH BY RYAN RUSSELL, CEO OF X3WATCH
2014
YEAR-IN-REVIEW
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We believe this to our core; so much so that this very phrase has become the “why” behind X3watch. Internet pornography is insidiously pervasive, yet all the while keeping us in isolation; the mission of X3watch is to create open, trusted conversations about the temptations and the choices that each of us face online. But you already understand that, and we are proud to have you as a member of or an accountability partner to our X3watch community.
WHILE LAST YEAR WAS A TERRIFIC YEAR FOR FIREPROOF MINISTRIES OVERALL, IT WAS A HUGE YEAR FOR X3WATCH AS IT UNDERWENT A MASSIVE OVERHAUL. SO WE THOUGHT WE’D TAKE A FEW PAGES AND LET YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED WITH THIS CRUCIAL COMPONENT OF WHAT WE DO AT FIREPROOF.
HERE’S THE SCOOP: WE REINVESTED. We wanted to provide the very best online accountability tools that would work on every device in your arsenal. The original version of X3watch was cobbled together by multiple developers, with features tacked on as necessary. Eventually the software became unwieldy, our software team went back to the beginning to think X3watch through holistically, from the ground up. We invested $700,000 in building X3watch from scratch, and while we still have a long way to go, we have made a significant amount of headway with the new X3watch Free & Premium software.
WE GREW. The X3watch team has continued to grow and now consists of 13 dedicated project leaders, software developers, support staff, marketing ninjas and internet gurus (yes, we actually have a guy on our team named Guru). It feels great to say that we have moved out of “emergency” mode in our development, but we know we still have a lot to do in order to make X3watch the very best bulletproof software for online accountability.
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WE WENT MOBILE. 2014 was the year we were finally able to complete the bumpiest part of our redesign process: releasing the new version of the Android and iOS apps. We now have a solid application on both Android and iOS and are preparing to release a significant update to both in again in 2015.
WE BRANCHED OUT. We didn’t limit ourselves just to software. Last year we also released or increased some very important ancillary resources to compliment X3watch memberships:
IPARENT.TV Parenting is hard, but tech doesn’t have to be. We began offering this simple resource to help parents stay on top of all the apps, websites, and devices their kids might be interested in, providing the details parents need to make informed decisions about what their kids can and cannot do in a world of constant connectivity.
X3GROUPS.COM These online accountability groups are perfect for those who need someone to journey with on their road to healthy online living, and have become the #1 destination for online accountability groups.
BESTSEXLIFENOW.COM If we’re going to be about online sexual health, then we also have to be about at-home sexual health! Life is about more than just avoiding the harmful stuff, so we created this video series to help spouses have a tremendous relationship. NEWSLETTER SUMMER 2015
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WE’RE LOOKING FORWARD. NEEDLESS TO SAY, WHILE LAST YEAR WAS TERRIFIC, WE ARE STOKED ABOUT THIS YEAR! I CAN’T WAIT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE UPDATES THAT ARE COMING NEXT. KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED FOR THAT GREAT NEWS!
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